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accepting_realities [2015/01/31 03:10] (current)
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 +====== fears of oral sex ======
 +\\
 +it would be a cause for celebration if we were born with the l and intuitive set of sexual skills that we all pretend we have. Without stating it outright, our culture—via our parents, the media, and our peers—implies that sex and sexual skills should come naturally, with all but the most advanced techniques being somehow instinctive. You'd never expect someone to hit a perfect tennis serve without lessons and practice or to play a beautiful sonata on an instrument they'​ve only touched a couple of times, yet somehow, most of us come to maturity with the expectation that sexual skills will magically develop in the presence of our naked lover, that this lover will likewise experience a spontaneous onset of spectacular proficiency,​ and that it will all unfurl as smoothly as a movie montage. ​
  
 +**Where do real-life Don Juans get their savoir faire?​** ​
 +
 +There'​s only one way: practice, practice, practice. Some people try to pick up tips from their friends, but while you may have a friend or two with information to spare, you're probably dealing with what literary critics calls an "​unreliable narrator." ​
 +
 +>>>>​**//​I personally stopped trusting the sexual knowledge of my peers when they asked me if my cherry had been popped, but could not specify what this "​cherry"​ was, nor exactly where it was located. LOL MissBonnie//​** ​
 +
 +**Real sex is awkward.** ​
 +
 +The fact is, if you expect great sex to come naturally, you're in big trouble, and your partner is in even bigger trouble. Giving great oral sex is dependent upon being truly comfortable with the act, "in good times and in bad." Real sex with live people is tricky—it smells, it squeaks, it gets stuck on some things and rams too quickly into others. People get injured physically (especially in the shower) and emotionally (especially in affairs), and on the whole, doing it probably causes about as many problems as pleasures. This doesn'​t mean that you should stop, in fact most of us should be having more sex and oral sex rather than less. But it does indicate that we have a lot of false expectations surrounding sex, and these expectations take a lot of the fun out of sex without our even knowing it. 
 +
 +===== ACCEPTING THESE REALITIES WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER LOVER=====
 +\\ 
 +Sexual Skill Doesn'​t Come Naturally ​
 +Sure, the impulse to have sex is "​natural,"​ and the heat of passion is sure to lend a little on-the-spot inspiration,​ but sexual skill must be learned and practiced like anything else. 
 +
 +**"If girls are made of sugar and spice, why do they taste like tuna fish?"​**
 +\\ 
 +Genitals have a naturally pungent odor and taste. Some people love it, others don't. But you're in denial if you're surprised by it. If this is a concern for you, just take a bath or shower with your partner, instead of trying to skirt oral sex, or pretending to be comfortable going down when you're not. If you forge ahead anyway, your partner will sense your repressed discomfort, and the effort to conceal your true feelings will take the zest out of your performance. Barring a bath, be aware that a vagina will taste and smell very differently after it is stimulated enough to create the body's natural lubricants, which have an additively delicious flavor. A little foreplay and hand action can change the menu entirely. ​
 +
 +**A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Orgasm** ​
 +\\
 +What's the matter? Labia got yer tongue? ​
 +Whether it's that funny slurping noise, a penis that veers to the right like it's catching a curve ball, or a pubic hair in your eye, unexpected things are bound to happen during sex and oral. Who can say what they will be? One woman I know started laughing while her guy was coming in her mouth, and it ended up dribbling out of her nose. Things like this are a natural part of an active sex life, so you might as well expect them and make sure to bring your sense of humor with you to the bedroom. Taking sex too seriously is a sure passion-killer. ​
 +
 +**Genitals Look Funny**
 +\\ 
 +Believe it or not, the overall quality of oral sex is still being compromised by people'​s shame and fear of genitalia. The people giving oral sex are afraid to stare too much, because they don't want to make their partner feel uncomfortable,​ while their partner can barely even relax and enjoy themselves because they'​re so freaked out by someone sniffing around down there. Shocking as it is, this is occurring in the twenty-first century, and it's compromising the quality of oral sex. To overcome any vestiges of genital-fear,​ take a moment with your partner to really look at her genitals as suggested in [[eating pussy 101]] . Tell her why you want to do it, and make sure that she feels comfortable with it first. Then look—really look—at all the different parts, and acknowledge that these are what you have to work with. This exercise is worth it: an anatomically complete understanding of your partner'​s genitals will assure your subconscious that there is nothing "​bad"​ or "​dirty"​ or "​scary"​ lurking in there anywhere. ​
 +
 +**"​That was great. Really, it was . . ."​** ​
 +\\
 +Most likely, no one's told you the truth about your sexual and cunnilingus skills. The fact is, women fake orgasms pretty regularly, and it's a rare lover who openly communicates what they do or don't like, because they'​re trying to be nice. But withholding feedback is extremely counterproductive with regards to sex and Femdom practices. The way people communicate about sex isn't even worthy of the term "​miscommunication,"​ because not only does withholding feedback send the wrong information (that you like something you don't or dislike something you do like), it actively obstructs future communication about sex, and blocks the Femdom path to fulfillment. We're lucky consultants can't be called into the bedroom, because most people would be fired. The result? Very few men and women have been given enough feedback to develop a repertoire that works. And it's a damned shame. Since they haven'​t built up the strength and precision of their lips and tongue through a history of feedback and [[EXERCISES TO INCREASE HER ORAL PLEASURE|refinement]],​ they develop a repertoire based on second-rate skills that every sexual partner is subjected to. As a loving pet-owner thinks their cat or dog is absolutely unique, everyone—and I mean everyone—thinks they have great sexual skills. Meanwhile, most people report more than a few instances of less-than-satisfying sex every year.
 +
 +**You do the math.** ​
 +\\
 +You don't have to pass out a Comments and Suggestions card afterward, but you do need to elicit your partner'​s feedback. A whispered "Do you like that?" during oral sex will produce more honest feedback than a "Was that good for you?" after she's already decided that she just wants to be friends. ​
 +
 +====== It's Not Just About the Orgasm ======
 + 
 +\\
 +You don't have to make your partner come to have great oral sex. Great oral lovers are not orgasm-making machines, and if you treat oral sex this way you're not going to enjoy it—and neither will your partner. Aside from straining yourself, your orgasm fixation will actually distract you from any subtle signs or signals given by your lover. You don't have to frantically chase orgasms through the thickets of your lover'​s genitals. The orgasm will come to you. Straining and stressing about how long it's taking your partner to come wards off a real orgasm like a snake scares a mare, so it's better to just let go of this expectation and enjoy yourself. Experiment and play~"​the light touch,"​ as it's sometimes called—will inevitably create more pleasure for your partner than strain or stress. ​
 +People who perform poorly at oral sex are usually hung up on one or all of these basic issues.\\
 +\\
 +**Article:​** tomcat (Edited: in conjunction with MissBonnie and MissBitch)for [[the beginners guide to oral sex]] (c) CollarNuffs.com ​
 +\\ 
 +**Related Articles:​**\\
 +\\
 +[[the beginner'​s guide to vibrators]]
 +
 +[[the_beginners_guide_to_oral_sex]]
 +
 +**Article:​** tomcat (Edited: in conjunction with MissBonnie and MissBitch) for [[the beginners guide to oral sex]] (c) CollarNuffs.com
 +
 +just a test link: [[chapter 13]]..ok I give up links hate me on this page and I don't why! :-/:-\
accepting_realities.txt · Last modified: 2015/01/31 03:10 (external edit)