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self_bondage [2015/01/31 03:13] (current)
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-**"Doing It Yourself"​**+====== ​"Doing It Yourself" ​====== 
  
 “Self-bondage” may seem like a contradiction in terms - after all, if you tie yourself up, you’d better be able to un-tie yourself, meaning that you’ll have to stay in control and won’t be able to enjoy the full measure of surrender and vulnerability that bondage with a partner can offer. But there are many reasons to make that tradeoff. Most obviously, there are never enough capable and trustworthy bondage tops or switch-hitters to go around, and their geographical distribution is not exactly even, so you may not be able to find someone to do the honors every time you’re up for a little tie-down. If you’re a novice, you might not be ready to let someone else tie you up or may be too shy to approach anyone. Or you may be an old hand who simply wants it done “your way” sometimes - just as snug as you like it (or as loose), in whatever position feels best, for as long as you decide. In all these cases, and others, self-bondage will come as naturally as “self-abuse.” “Self-bondage” may seem like a contradiction in terms - after all, if you tie yourself up, you’d better be able to un-tie yourself, meaning that you’ll have to stay in control and won’t be able to enjoy the full measure of surrender and vulnerability that bondage with a partner can offer. But there are many reasons to make that tradeoff. Most obviously, there are never enough capable and trustworthy bondage tops or switch-hitters to go around, and their geographical distribution is not exactly even, so you may not be able to find someone to do the honors every time you’re up for a little tie-down. If you’re a novice, you might not be ready to let someone else tie you up or may be too shy to approach anyone. Or you may be an old hand who simply wants it done “your way” sometimes - just as snug as you like it (or as loose), in whatever position feels best, for as long as you decide. In all these cases, and others, self-bondage will come as naturally as “self-abuse.”
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 **Approaches to Self-Bondage** **Approaches to Self-Bondage**
  
-There are two rather different basic approaches to self-bondage,​ which I call the “strict” and the “sensual.” In strict self-bondage,​ the main thing is to recreate as closely as possible the experience of being under someone else’s control, literally incapable of escape. Since you have to be able to escape at some point, or the exercise becomes suicidal, devotees of the strict approach use various timing devices to keep the means of their deliverance out of their hands for some predetermined - and, once begun, unalterable - period. Until the preset time has elapsed, they are literally as helpless as if restrained by a capable and watchful partner - even more so, because if the restraint becomes boring or uncomfortable,​ or even painful, there’s no one to be begged, threatened, or safeworded ​into providing relief. The particular position or type of restraint is much less important in this kind of scene than the release mechanism - but the need for a timed release mechanism rules out certain types of restraint, such as nearly all rope bondage.+There are two rather different basic approaches to self-bondage,​ which I call the “strict” and the “sensual.” In strict self-bondage,​ the main thing is to recreate as closely as possible the experience of being under someone else’s control, literally incapable of escape. Since you have to be able to escape at some point, or the exercise becomes suicidal, devotees of the strict approach use various timing devices to keep the means of their deliverance out of their hands for some predetermined - and, once begun, unalterable - period. Until the preset time has elapsed, they are literally as helpless as if restrained by a capable and watchful partner - even more so, because if the restraint becomes boring or uncomfortable,​ or even painful, there’s no one to be begged, threatened, or safe worded ​into providing relief. The particular position or type of restraint is much less important in this kind of scene than the release mechanism - but the need for a timed release mechanism rules out certain types of restraint, such as nearly all rope bondage.
  
 There’s no denying the attraction of strict self-bondage to anyone whose main bondage turn-on is helplessness. Knowing that you can’t get out, no matter what, until the set time has passed is essential to the thrill. Peter Boots, who’s presented bondage workshops for both GMSMA in New York and SM Gays in London, puts it this way: “If you can let yourself out at any time, why bother to do it at all?” But there’s also no denying the riskiness of strict self-bondage. And the more inescapable it is, the riskier. There’s no denying the attraction of strict self-bondage to anyone whose main bondage turn-on is helplessness. Knowing that you can’t get out, no matter what, until the set time has passed is essential to the thrill. Peter Boots, who’s presented bondage workshops for both GMSMA in New York and SM Gays in London, puts it this way: “If you can let yourself out at any time, why bother to do it at all?” But there’s also no denying the riskiness of strict self-bondage. And the more inescapable it is, the riskier.
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 **The Basics** **The Basics**
  
-First of all, know your equipment and your own capabilities thoroughly. Without combining them into a complete scene, try out your various restraints individually;​ practice putting them on and taking them off, and then learn to do it in the dark. Study their construction so that if worse comes to worst you’ll know the weak points. Practice holding different positions - spreadeagle, arms above the head, arms behind the back, and so on - as long as you can without restraints; then you’ll know exactly how far you can stretch your limbs, and where and when they’ll start to hurt when you’re fastened in place. You may think you know all this already just from your experiences as a bottom, but it’s not the same. When you’re topping yourself, it’s all too easy to bite off more than you can chew.+First of all, know your equipment and your own capabilities thoroughly. Without combining them into a complete scene, try out your various restraints individually;​ practice putting them on and taking them off, and then learn to do it in the dark. Study their construction so that if worse comes to worst you’ll know the weak points. Practice holding different positions - spreadeagled, arms above the head, arms behind the back, and so on - as long as you can without restraints; then you’ll know exactly how far you can stretch your limbs, and where and when they’ll start to hurt when you’re fastened in place. You may think you know all this already just from your experiences as a bottom, but it’s not the same. When you’re topping yourself, it’s all too easy to bite off more than you can chew.
  
-Whatever you put onto yourself, whether simple handcuffs or an elaborate hood and sleepsack, it has to be something that you can get out of - not me, not Peter, not your high-school pal who became an escape artist. Remember that what goes on easy may come off hard. It’s easy to snap handcuffs on, but just fitting that little key into the right holes can be an exercise in frustration once your hands are numb or sore from a few hours of restraint - especially if you forgot to put the cuffs on with the keyholes facing down, toward your fingers. If you’re hurried or panicky, it can be impossible, and with cheap, poorly made cuffs you might even break off the key in the lock by exerting too much pressure. Cuffs that are rigidly joined with hinges instead of chain are a very risky choice for self-bondage - they’re designed to be hard to escape from even with the key. If you tend to be somewhat ​fumblefingered ​to begin with, stick to restraints that fasten with buckles, snaps, or large padlocks and don’t require handling anything as small as a handcuff key.+Whatever you put onto yourself, whether simple handcuffs or an elaborate hood and sleep sack, it has to be something that you can get out of - not me, not Peter, not your high-school pal who became an escape artist. Remember that what goes on easy may come off hard. It’s easy to snap handcuffs on, but just fitting that little key into the right holes can be an exercise in frustration once your hands are numb or sore from a few hours of restraint - especially if you forgot to put the cuffs on with the keyholes facing down, toward your fingers. If you’re hurried or panicky, it can be impossible, and with cheap, poorly made cuffs you might even break off the key in the lock by exerting too much pressure. Cuffs that are rigidly joined with hinges instead of chain are a very risky choice for self-bondage - they’re designed to be hard to escape from even with the key. If you tend to be somewhat ​fumble fingered ​to begin with, stick to restraints that fasten with buckles, snaps, or large padlocks and don’t require handling anything as small as a handcuff key.
  
 Think about everything that could go wrong, and make allowances for it, before you fasten the first restraint “for real.” A vital key can drop somewhere out of reach - put a tether on it tied to something you can always reach, or lay out two keys in different, equally accessible places. A knot could tighten and become stuck - make sure you can reach (and use) a sharp knife, a box cutter, or heavy-duty shears. (Standard EMT safety shears are great for removing bandages and the like, but they won’t cut through strong rope or most leather cuffs and straps.) If your phone has a speed-dial feature, make sure one of the programmed numbers is 911 (or your equivalent emergency number), and if possible keep the phone in reach throughout the scene. “Even in a standing position,​” Peter notes, “I can knock the handset off the hook with my foot and press one of the speed-dial buttons with a toe to reach a friend or 911.” He also advises eating and drinking sparingly before starting a solo scene (good advice for almost any bondage or s/m scene). Think about everything that could go wrong, and make allowances for it, before you fasten the first restraint “for real.” A vital key can drop somewhere out of reach - put a tether on it tied to something you can always reach, or lay out two keys in different, equally accessible places. A knot could tighten and become stuck - make sure you can reach (and use) a sharp knife, a box cutter, or heavy-duty shears. (Standard EMT safety shears are great for removing bandages and the like, but they won’t cut through strong rope or most leather cuffs and straps.) If your phone has a speed-dial feature, make sure one of the programmed numbers is 911 (or your equivalent emergency number), and if possible keep the phone in reach throughout the scene. “Even in a standing position,​” Peter notes, “I can knock the handset off the hook with my foot and press one of the speed-dial buttons with a toe to reach a friend or 911.” He also advises eating and drinking sparingly before starting a solo scene (good advice for almost any bondage or s/m scene).
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 **Too Loose, Too Tight, and Just Right** **Too Loose, Too Tight, and Just Right**
  
-A key watchword for self-bondage is, leave yourself some slack. The tighter you’re bound up or stretched out, the harder it will be to free yourself when it’s time. Allow for at least as much twisting and turning to get out of the restraints as you needed to get into them; the more elaborate the setup, the more “wriggle room” you should leave. That’s another reason not to use rope, since if rope ties aren’t snug, they’re not bondage at all, just macrame.+A key watchword for self-bondage is, leave yourself some slack. The tighter you’re bound up or stretched out, the harder it will be to free yourself when it’s time. Allow for at least as much twisting and turning to get out of the restraints as you needed to get into them; the more elaborate the setup, the more “wriggle room” you should leave. That’s another reason not to use rope, since if rope ties aren’t snug, they’re not bondage at all, just macramé.
  
-Handcuffs, regular or lockable leather cuffs, chains, and padlocks can all be secure without being tight. If tension on your limbs is a big part of your turn-on, ​Bandana ​Boy (author of several bondage stories in the BadBoy ​anthology of gay porn from the Internet, Hot Bauds) recommends using elastic bungee cords: “You can arrange it so that when you are relaxed the cord keeps you under tension, but you can stretch it enough to move a bit when you have to, to escape or reach the key or whatever. And rubber bands attached to tits or piercings can give a similar sensation of a part being constantly under tension without your needing anyone else to do the adjusting.”+Handcuffs, regular or lockable leather cuffs, chains, and padlocks can all be secure without being tight. If tension on your limbs is a big part of your turn-on, ​Bandanna ​Boy (author of several bondage stories in the Bad Boy anthology of gay porn from the Internet, Hot Bauds) recommends using elastic bungee cords: “You can arrange it so that when you are relaxed the cord keeps you under tension, but you can stretch it enough to move a bit when you have to, to escape or reach the key or whatever. And rubber bands attached to tits or piercings can give a similar sensation of a part being constantly under tension without your needing anyone else to do the adjusting.”
  
 The idea of bungee cords suggests a possible safe way to use rope as part of the restraint. If you’re limber enough to construct a rope body harness on yourself, you could use bungee cords to attach various points on the harness to, say, anchors around your bed frame. As long as you can reach where the bungee cords hook into the harness, you can get out. Of course, a similar approach could be used with a leather or chain body harness. The idea of bungee cords suggests a possible safe way to use rope as part of the restraint. If you’re limber enough to construct a rope body harness on yourself, you could use bungee cords to attach various points on the harness to, say, anchors around your bed frame. As long as you can reach where the bungee cords hook into the harness, you can get out. Of course, a similar approach could be used with a leather or chain body harness.
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 You could discourage that without a significant increase in risk by fastening your cuffed hands away from your groin, whether to the chest strap or a collar, or behind your head to a chain or eyebolt attached to the bed or wall. Use a snap clip, carabiner, chain link, or, best of all, a panic snap - anything you can release easily without a key. There’s nothing dangerous about locking cuffs around your wrists as long as you can easily remove them; it’s when you immobilize yourself by locking the cuffs to something else, or behind you, that you can get into trouble. You could discourage that without a significant increase in risk by fastening your cuffed hands away from your groin, whether to the chest strap or a collar, or behind your head to a chain or eyebolt attached to the bed or wall. Use a snap clip, carabiner, chain link, or, best of all, a panic snap - anything you can release easily without a key. There’s nothing dangerous about locking cuffs around your wrists as long as you can easily remove them; it’s when you immobilize yourself by locking the cuffs to something else, or behind you, that you can get into trouble.
  
-Spreadeagling yourself on a bed is more difficult than an inverted-Y position, but not necessarily riskier as long as you fasten your hands so that you can release them easily even if they’ve gone numb - use clips or snaps rather than padlocks if your hands are to be restrained apart from each other. (Some clips and snaps are harder to manipulate than others, so practice working them one-handed before you actually depend on them.) Even if you leave the padlock key in reach, such as tied to the same eyebolt ​or chain one hand is locked to, the risk that you won’t be able to use the key successfully when you need to is substantial in this kind of rigorous, stretched-out position.+Spreadeagling yourself on a bed is more difficult than an inverted-Y position, but not necessarily riskier as long as you fasten your hands so that you can release them easily even if they’ve gone numb - use clips or snaps rather than padlocks if your hands are to be restrained apart from each other. (Some clips and snaps are harder to manipulate than others, so practice working them one-handed before you actually depend on them.) Even if you leave the padlock key in reach, such as tied to the same eye bolt or chain one hand is locked to, the risk that you won’t be able to use the key successfully when you need to is substantial in this kind of rigorous, stretched-out position.
  
 Self-bondage when you’re lying down or sitting in a chair is inherently safer than when you’re standing up, because a simple faint - which might be brought on by over-excitement or hyperventilation from stress - could be fatal if you’re restrained vertically. If you faint and can’t fall down (and there’s no one around to let you down), blood will pool in your legs and starve your brain, causing irreparable damage or death in a short time. This is not to say that fainting is likely if you’re in good condition and don’t use poppers, but unless being bound upright is one of your major turn-ons, the risk is probably not worth running, at least not for any very extended scene. Self-bondage when you’re lying down or sitting in a chair is inherently safer than when you’re standing up, because a simple faint - which might be brought on by over-excitement or hyperventilation from stress - could be fatal if you’re restrained vertically. If you faint and can’t fall down (and there’s no one around to let you down), blood will pool in your legs and starve your brain, causing irreparable damage or death in a short time. This is not to say that fainting is likely if you’re in good condition and don’t use poppers, but unless being bound upright is one of your major turn-ons, the risk is probably not worth running, at least not for any very extended scene.
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 If nothing else, self-bondage has the advantage (as an anonymous wit once said of masturbation) that you don’t have to look your best. You needn’t impress or arouse anyone else. You can do it when you want, where you want (up to a point!), whatever way you want, and for as long as you want. But the one thing you must do to achieve safe and satisfying self-bondage is to keep your head! Flying solo isn’t better or worse than flying with a partner, but solo bondage is a lot more demanding of the bottom (who’s also, of course, the top!) in terms of skill, discipline, and the ability to stay cool under pressure. If nothing else, self-bondage has the advantage (as an anonymous wit once said of masturbation) that you don’t have to look your best. You needn’t impress or arouse anyone else. You can do it when you want, where you want (up to a point!), whatever way you want, and for as long as you want. But the one thing you must do to achieve safe and satisfying self-bondage is to keep your head! Flying solo isn’t better or worse than flying with a partner, but solo bondage is a lot more demanding of the bottom (who’s also, of course, the top!) in terms of skill, discipline, and the ability to stay cool under pressure.
  
-Last issue I distinguished two different kinds of self-bondage,​ the “sensual” (where the sensations of immobility or constraint matter more than the idea of inescapability) and the “strict” (where inescapability for a preset time is the main turn-on). All the safety principles I discussed earlier for sensual self-bondage apply just as much to strict self-bondage,​ so let me repeat a few key points:+Last issue I distinguished two different kinds of self-bondage,​ the “sensual” (where the sensations of immobility or constraint matter more than the idea of inescapably) and the “strict” (where inescapability for a preset time is the main turn-on). All the safety principles I discussed earlier for sensual self-bondage apply just as much to strict self-bondage,​ so let me repeat a few key points:
  
 • **Stay sober. Self-bondage can be fatal! Not often, but it does happen. You need a clear mind and a steady hand to do it safely.** • **Stay sober. Self-bondage can be fatal! Not often, but it does happen. You need a clear mind and a steady hand to do it safely.**
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 **The Two-String Theory** **The Two-String Theory**
  
-A combination lock you know the code for is hardly inescapable during the day, however, or if you’re restrained loosely enough that you can move around and turn on a light. For nonbedtime ​scenes, or shorter scenes, which may involve a spreadeagle or other stretched-out position, Peter favors ice and gravity for time release, and he uses a setup that involves two separate strings or cords. At the end of one string is the critical key that will enable him to free himself; the other end is attached to a hook on the wall or ceiling in such a way that the key will hang straight down within easy reach once he’s in position on the bed.+A combination lock you know the code for is hardly inescapable during the day, however, or if you’re restrained loosely enough that you can move around and turn on a light. For non bedtime ​scenes, or shorter scenes, which may involve a spreadeagle or other stretched-out position, Peter favors ice and gravity for time release, and he uses a setup that involves two separate strings or cords. At the end of one string is the critical key that will enable him to free himself; the other end is attached to a hook on the wall or ceiling in such a way that the key will hang straight down within easy reach once he’s in position on the bed.
  
-Typically, the key unlocks either of the padlocks (they’re keyed identically) at the ends of a chain between one of his locking wrist cuffs and one of the screw eyes at the corners of his bed. In a spreadeagle ​position the key is handy to his right hand if he’s on his back, to the left hand if he’s on his stomach. (Other arrangements are possible, such as locking both wrist cuffs to the center of a chain stretched between the screw eyes at the top corners of the bed, and similarly for the ankles, with the cuffs attached to a chain at the foot of the bed.) If Peter weren’t interested in a delayed-release bondage scene, he could leave it at that - when he was ready to release himself, he’d just grasp the dangling key and use it. The trick of “strict” self-bondage,​ however, is to make the key unavailable until after a certain amount of time has passed.+Typically, the key unlocks either of the padlocks (they’re keyed identically) at the ends of a chain between one of his locking wrist cuffs and one of the screw eyes at the corners of his bed. In a spread eagle position the key is handy to his right hand if he’s on his back, to the left hand if he’s on his stomach. (Other arrangements are possible, such as locking both wrist cuffs to the center of a chain stretched between the screw eyes at the top corners of the bed, and similarly for the ankles, with the cuffs attached to a chain at the foot of the bed.) If Peter weren’t interested in a delayed-release bondage scene, he could leave it at that - when he was ready to release himself, he’d just grasp the dangling key and use it. The trick of “strict” self-bondage,​ however, is to make the key unavailable until after a certain amount of time has passed.
  
 Therefore, Peter prepares a second string whose sole function is to pull the first string (the key string) out of reach. The second string has one end frozen inside an ice cube (he always keeps several strings frozen into cubes in his freezer!). He puts the ice cube under several other cubes in a coffee mug, ties the free end of the frozen string to the first string somewhere above the key, and places the mug far enough from the bed that the tension on the frozen string pulls the key-holding string away from its previous straight line down to his hand, thus holding the key out of reach. Until the ice melts enough for the frozen string to pull free of the mug, the key to his freedom might as well be in the next county, and Peter can enjoy the feeling of being inescapably bound. How long that lasts is determined by the temperature of the room and the size of the ice cubes. Therefore, Peter prepares a second string whose sole function is to pull the first string (the key string) out of reach. The second string has one end frozen inside an ice cube (he always keeps several strings frozen into cubes in his freezer!). He puts the ice cube under several other cubes in a coffee mug, ties the free end of the frozen string to the first string somewhere above the key, and places the mug far enough from the bed that the tension on the frozen string pulls the key-holding string away from its previous straight line down to his hand, thus holding the key out of reach. Until the ice melts enough for the frozen string to pull free of the mug, the key to his freedom might as well be in the next county, and Peter can enjoy the feeling of being inescapably bound. How long that lasts is determined by the temperature of the room and the size of the ice cubes.
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 Copyright ©1995 by david stein (gorgik@aol.com);​ all rights reserved, including the right to reprint in whole or in part in any medium whatsoever. Printouts for the viewer’s personal enjoyment are encouraged, but please contact the author if any other use is desired. This article was originally published in Issue #47 of Bound & Gagged magazine.// ​ Copyright ©1995 by david stein (gorgik@aol.com);​ all rights reserved, including the right to reprint in whole or in part in any medium whatsoever. Printouts for the viewer’s personal enjoyment are encouraged, but please contact the author if any other use is desired. This article was originally published in Issue #47 of Bound & Gagged magazine.// ​
  
-Further reading ​[[Bondage ​safety]] +**Related Articles:​** 
 + 
 +[[self bondage2]] - I want to tie myself up, what now?  
 + 
 +[[Bondage]] - I need some starting points for bondage. 
 + 
 +[[Bondage ​Safety]] - Playing it safe. what are dangers.  
self_bondage.txt · Last modified: 2015/01/31 03:13 (external edit)