Understanding Prince Albert Piercings: Benefits, Disadvantages, and Types

Benefits and Disadvantages of Prince Albert Piercings

Prince Albert piercings offer a range of benefits that appeal to many individuals. One of the primary advantages is the potential for enhanced sexual pleasure. Many wearers report heightened sensitivity and increased stimulation, which can also positively impact their partners. The piercing can add a unique aesthetic appeal, giving individuals a sense of confidence and distinctiveness. Additionally, some men experience improved urinary flow, which can be a surprising yet beneficial side effect of the piercing.

However, it is crucial to balance these benefits against some notable disadvantages. The initial procedure can be quite painful, accompanied by significant discomfort during the healing phase. As with any body modification, there is a risk of infection, particularly if the piercing is not properly cared for. This underscores the importance of meticulous aftercare, which can be time-consuming and demanding. Another potential complication is the risk of urethral damage, which can have serious implications if not addressed promptly. Furthermore, there is the possibility of migration and rejection, where the body pushes the jewelry out, necessitating its removal.

The healing process for a Prince Albert piercing can be lengthy, often taking several months. During this period, diligent aftercare is essential to prevent complications. This includes regular cleaning with saline solution and avoiding activities that may aggravate the piercing. Given these factors, it is paramount to consult with a professional piercer before making a decision. They can provide valuable insights and assess whether an individual’s health conditions make them a suitable candidate for the piercing.

Ultimately, while a Prince Albert piercing can offer significant benefits, it is essential to weigh these against the potential drawbacks. A well-informed decision, guided by professional advice, can ensure that individuals enjoy the benefits while minimizing the risks associated with this unique form of body modification.

Types of Prince Albert Piercings

PA
PA

The Prince Albert (PA) piercing is the most common and recognizable form of genital piercing. This piercing enters through the urethra and exits through the underside of the glans. Known for its relatively straightforward procedure and healing process, the standard PA offers a unique combination of aesthetic appeal and sensory enhancement. The healing period typically ranges from four to six weeks, and it is crucial to follow proper aftercare practices to minimize the risk of infection and ensure optimal healing.

The Reverse Prince Albert (RPA) piercing, while similar in technique, offers a distinct variation. The RPA enters through the urethra like the standard PA but exits through the top of the glans. This alteration changes the sensation and experience for the individual, often providing a different type of stimulation. However, the RPA can have a slightly longer healing time, usually extending to six to eight weeks, and may require more diligent aftercare due to its placement.

Another variation is the Deep Prince Albert, which extends further into the urethra for a more extensive modification. This type of piercing can amplify the sensations experienced during sexual activity but also comes with increased healing time and a higher risk of complications. The healing period for a Deep PA can range from eight to twelve weeks, and it demands rigorous aftercare to prevent infections and ensure proper healing.

The Dolphin piercing is a less common but intriguing option. It involves two piercings along the underside of the penis, creating a unique visual and sensory effect. The Dolphin piercing tends to have a more complex healing process, often taking up to twelve weeks or more, and requires meticulous aftercare to avoid complications.

When choosing the appropriate type of Prince Albert piercing, it is essential to consider individual anatomy, personal preferences, and lifestyle factors. Consulting with a professional piercer is crucial, as they can provide personalized advice and ensure that the chosen piercing type is suitable for the individual. Proper aftercare is indispensable for any Prince Albert piercing to promote healing, prevent infection, and achieve the desired results.

Article MissBonnie 2024

Femdom Play Party Etiquette: A Comprehensive Guide for Newcomers

selective focus photography of assorted-color balloons

When attending a Femdom play party, it is crucial to understand the importance of identification and age restrictions. Most BDSM spaces enforce these rules rigorously to ensure compliance with legal requirements and maintain a safe environment for all participants. Attendees are typically required to present a valid form of identification upon entry. This is not just a formality; it is a legal necessity designed to verify that all attendees are of legal age, generally 18 or 21 depending on local laws and the specific venue’s regulations.

In addition to presenting valid identification, newcomers should be prepared to sign a waiver upon entry. This waiver serves multiple purposes. Firstly, it acknowledges the inherent risks involved in BDSM activities. By signing the waiver, you are consenting to participate with full awareness of these risks. Secondly, the waiver often includes clauses that release the venue and its organizers from liability in case of accidents or misunderstandings. This legal document is a standard practice in BDSM communities and helps to protect both the attendees and the organizers.

Failure to comply with these identification and age restrictions can result in being denied entry, which can be both disappointing and inconvenient. Therefore, it is advisable to double-check the specific requirements of the event you are attending beforehand. Always bring a government-issued ID, such as a driver’s license or passport, to avoid any issues at the door. Being prepared with the necessary documents and understanding their importance will facilitate a smoother entry process and allow you to focus on enjoying the event.

By adhering to these protocols, you contribute to the overall safety and legality of the event, ensuring that everyone can enjoy the experience in a secure and welcoming environment. These measures are in place to protect all participants, making it essential to respect and follow them diligently.

Staying Sober: Why You Should Avoid Getting Wasted

Maintaining sobriety at a BDSM play party is of paramount importance for several reasons, primarily revolving around safety and consent. Engaging in BDSM activities requires clear communication and sound decision-making, both of which can be significantly impaired by the influence of drugs or alcohol. When under the influence, an individual’s judgment and coordination are compromised, increasing the likelihood of accidents or misunderstandings that could lead to unintended harm.

Most BDSM play parties enforce a zero-tolerance policy regarding intoxication. This policy ensures that all participants can trust that their play partners are fully aware and in control of their actions. Such an environment fosters a sense of mutual respect and understanding, which are crucial components of consensual BDSM interactions. Being sober allows participants to adhere to negotiated boundaries and safewords, which are essential for maintaining a safe and enjoyable experience for all involved.

Additionally, the physical demands of many BDSM activities necessitate a clear and present mind. Techniques such as rope bondage, impact play, and other forms of intense physical interaction require precise movements and constant awareness to be performed safely. Impaired coordination can not only hinder the effectiveness of these activities but also pose severe risks to both the dominant and the submissive parties.

Moreover, staying sober is a sign of respect towards the community and the event organizers. It demonstrates a commitment to upholding the standards and guidelines set forth by the organizers, which are designed to ensure the well-being of all participants. Violating these standards by arriving intoxicated can result in immediate expulsion from the event and potential banning from future gatherings.

In conclusion, sobriety is a fundamental aspect of responsible participation in BDSM play parties. It ensures that all individuals can fully engage in the experience with clarity, safety, and mutual consent, thereby creating a positive and respectful environment for everyone involved.

Bringing Your Own Supplies: Addressing Allergies and Sensitivities

When attending a Femdom play party, it is vital to consider the supplies you may need, especially if you have specific allergies or sensitivities. While many BDSM spaces are well-equipped with essential items like chux, gloves, disinfectant, and contraceptives, relying solely on these communal provisions can be risky for individuals with particular health concerns. Bringing your own supplies ensures you can participate safely and comfortably without risking an allergic reaction or other health issues.

For those with allergies to rubber or latex, it is crucial to carry non-latex gloves and other alternatives. Latex allergies are common and can cause severe reactions ranging from skin irritation to anaphylaxis. Therefore, having your own non-latex gloves ensures you can engage in activities without compromising your health. Additionally, some disinfectants may contain chemicals that trigger allergic responses. Bringing hypoallergenic disinfectants or cleaning solutions can help you maintain hygiene without the worry of adverse reactions.

Individuals with sensitivities to certain materials or substances should also take proactive measures. For example, if you are sensitive to specific types of lubricants, bringing your preferred brand can prevent discomfort or irritation. Similarly, if you use any personal protective equipment (PPE) that is unique to your needs, such as specific types of masks or barrier methods, ensure you have these items readily available.

Furthermore, if you require any medication or medical supplies, such as antihistamines or epinephrine auto-injectors, make sure to bring them with you. Informing the event organizers or a trusted individual about your allergies or sensitivities can also be a prudent step. This way, in the event of an emergency, they can assist you promptly and effectively.

In summary, preparing and bringing your own supplies to a Femdom play party is a key aspect of ensuring a safe and enjoyable experience. By addressing your allergies and sensitivities proactively, you can fully immerse yourself in the event with peace of mind, knowing that you have taken the necessary precautions to protect your health.

Respecting Scenes: Observing Proper Etiquette

Attending a Femdom play party for the first time can be an eye-opening experience, filled with diverse expressions of power dynamics and intimacy. One of the fundamental aspects of proper etiquette at such events is respecting the scenes you observe. This involves not only keeping a respectful distance but also understanding the importance of not interrupting the flow and intimacy of a scene.

If you find yourself with questions about what you observe, it is crucial to wait until the scene is completely finished and aftercare has been provided. Aftercare is a critical part of any scene, allowing participants to reconnect and decompress. Interrupting this process can be detrimental to the emotional and physical well-being of those involved. Patience is key; you can always ask someone who is knowledgeable later, or perhaps even the participants themselves, once they are ready and willing to engage in conversation.

Maintaining a respectful distance is more than just a physical consideration; it also involves being mindful of your behavior. Refrain from gawking, speaking loudly, or expressing any negative reactions. Such actions can be intrusive and disrespectful, potentially breaking the concentration and emotional connection between the participants. Instead, observe quietly and respectfully, appreciating the scene as a consensual and intimate interaction between individuals.

Being mindful of your surroundings and the ongoing activities is essential for creating a respectful and welcoming environment for everyone. Remember that each scene is a personal and consensual act, deserving of the same respect you would expect for your own experiences. By observing proper etiquette, you contribute to a positive and supportive atmosphere, allowing everyone to enjoy the event to its fullest.

The Golden Rule: Don’t Touch What Isn’t Yours

One of the fundamental principles to adhere to when attending a Femdom play party is the Golden Rule: don’t touch what isn’t yours. This guideline is crucial and extends to both individuals and their belongings. Understanding and respecting this rule is paramount in creating a safe and respectful environment for all participants.

Consent is the cornerstone of BDSM. At any play party, obtaining explicit permission before engaging in any form of physical contact is non-negotiable. This is true whether you are interacting with someone directly or intending to use another person’s equipment or toys. Respect for personal boundaries is not just a matter of etiquette but is essential for the safety and comfort of everyone involved.

When you first arrive at a Femdom play party, take a moment to observe and understand the dynamics of the space. Notice how people interact with each other and their surroundings. If you see an intriguing piece of equipment or a toy you are interested in using, always ask the owner before touching it. This simple act of respect can significantly enhance your experience and the experience of others.

Additionally, personal space is highly valued in such settings. Always be mindful of how close you are standing to someone, particularly if they are engaged in a scene. If you wish to approach or converse with someone, do so in a manner that respects their space and activities. A courteous request or a polite introduction can go a long way in fostering mutual respect and understanding.

Ultimately, adhering to the Golden Rule of not touching what isn’t yours is about fostering a culture of consent and respect within the BDSM community. By following this rule, you contribute to a positive, safe, and respectful environment where everyone can explore and enjoy their experiences to the fullest.

Navigating the Space: Avoiding Disruptions

When attending a Femdom play party, it is crucial to understand the importance of respecting the scenes around you. BDSM scenes are inherently intimate and require a profound level of concentration and connection between participants. Disrupting these moments can not only break the flow but also potentially harm the emotional and psychological experience for those involved.

To navigate the space without causing disruptions, always remain mindful of your surroundings. Observe the activities and be conscious of the energy in the room. If you need to move through the area, do so quietly and with purpose. Avoid making unnecessary noise or engaging in loud conversations that could distract others. It is also beneficial to learn and understand common signals or non-verbal cues that may indicate a scene is in progress, such as certain positions, tools, or body language.

Respect personal space and boundaries at all times. If you are unsure whether it is appropriate to pass through a particular area, it is better to wait or find an alternative route. Additionally, avoid direct eye contact with those engaged in a scene, as this can be intrusive and uncomfortable. Instead, focus your gaze elsewhere and proceed with caution.

Interactions with Dominants and submissives during their scenes should be approached with the utmost respect. Do not initiate conversations or interrupt unless explicitly invited. If you must communicate, do so in a manner that is discreet and non-disruptive. This ensures that the integrity of the scene is maintained, and all participants can fully immerse themselves in their roles without unnecessary distractions.

Ultimately, being mindful and respectful of the space and those within it enhances the overall experience for everyone involved. By adhering to these guidelines, you contribute to a harmonious and considerate environment that allows all participants to explore their dynamics safely and with mutual respect.

Observing Without Judging: Embracing Diversity in Kinks

In the realm of Femdom play parties, one of the most crucial aspects for newcomers to understand is the importance of observing without judging. Not every kink or fetish will resonate with you, and that is perfectly acceptable. What matters most is maintaining an open mind and showing respect towards the diverse expressions of sexuality present within the BDSM community.

When attending such events, it’s essential to remember that everyone has different preferences and boundaries. Displaying visible signs of discomfort or making loud remarks about activities you do not understand or enjoy can create a hostile environment. Instead, aim to watch from a respectful distance. This approach allows participants to engage freely in their chosen activities without feeling scrutinized or judged.

The Femdom community, like the broader BDSM world, thrives on diversity and acceptance. Each individual’s kink is a personal expression of their desires and fantasies, and these should be respected. By embracing this diversity, you contribute to a more inclusive and supportive atmosphere, which is fundamental for the community’s well-being.

Maintaining a respectful demeanor also involves controlling your body language and facial expressions. Even subtle signs of disapproval can be disheartening to those who are sharing a vulnerable part of themselves. Practice neutrality and focus on the broader experience rather than individual acts that may not align with your personal tastes.

Additionally, if you find yourself curious about a particular activity, approach the subject with sensitivity. Engaging in polite and respectful conversations can lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of the various kinks within the community. However, always prioritize consent and never interrupt a scene or invade someone’s personal space without permission.

In essence, observing without judging is about fostering an environment where all attendees feel safe and accepted. This mutual respect strengthens the community and ensures that everyone can explore their kinks without fear of condemnation. By embracing this principle, newcomers can better integrate into the Femdom play party scene and contribute to its positive and inclusive nature.

Communicating with DMs and Event Staff: Ensuring a Safe Experience

If you are new to the Femdom play party scene, one of the first and most crucial steps is to introduce yourself to the dungeon monitors (DMs) or event staff upon arrival. These individuals are there to ensure the smooth operation of the event and to maintain a safe and consensual environment for all participants. They possess valuable information about the venue, its spaces, the attendees, and the specific rules that govern the event. Their guidance can help you navigate the nuances of the play party, making your experience more enjoyable and secure.

Before engaging in any play, particularly with someone you have just met, it is essential to negotiate properly. Clear communication about boundaries, limits, and expectations is imperative to ensure that all parties involved have a mutual understanding. This not only fosters respect but also enhances the safety and comfort of everyone. If you are uncertain about how to initiate such conversations, the DMs or event staff can offer advice or even facilitate the negotiations.

For added safety, consider asking a trusted friend or a DM to keep an eye on your scene. This form of watchful presence can provide an extra layer of security, ensuring that any issues can be promptly addressed. DMs are trained to recognize signs of distress and can intervene if necessary. Furthermore, they can act as mediators or enforcers of the rules if any boundaries are inadvertently crossed.

Remember that the primary objective of DMs and event staff is to create a safe and enjoyable environment for all. Their presence is not just for policing but also for providing support and assistance. By maintaining open lines of communication with them, you contribute to the overall safety and harmony of the event, allowing everyone to fully immerse themselves in the experience.

Article MissBonnie 2024

The Art and History of Bastinado: A Comprehensive Guide for Beginners

Introduction to Bastinado: An Ancient Practice

Bastinado, also known as foot whipping, is a form of corporal punishment that has been employed across numerous cultures for centuries. The term “bastinado” derives from the Spanish word “bastón,” meaning “stick” or “cane,” reflecting the primary instrument used in this practice. Historically, bastinado has been a method of discipline and punishment, its applications ranging from judicial penalties to military discipline.

The roots of bastinado can be traced back to ancient civilizations such as Egypt and China. In ancient Egypt, it was used as a means to enforce labor among slaves and workers, while in ancient China, it served as a judicial punishment for various crimes. The practice was not limited to these regions; it also found a place in medieval Europe and the Ottoman Empire, where it was employed to maintain order and discipline among soldiers and civilians alike.

In medieval Europe, bastinado was often executed by striking the soles of the feet with a rod or cane, a method believed to be both effective and less likely to leave permanent scars compared to other forms of corporal punishment. The Ottomans, on the other hand, integrated bastinado into their legal system, using it as a common form of punishment for crimes ranging from theft to insubordination.

Despite its ancient origins, bastinado has not entirely vanished in modern times. While its use as an official form of punishment has largely declined, it can still be found within certain subcultures and niche communities, where it is sometimes practiced consensually as part of BDSM activities. This contemporary application, however, is vastly different from its historical usage, emphasizing mutual consent and safety.

By exploring the extensive history and diverse cultural contexts of bastinado, one can gain a deeper understanding of its complexities and enduring presence. This background provides a valuable perspective on how an ancient form of punishment has evolved and been adapted through the ages.

The Evolution of Bastinado Through the Ages

Bastinado, a form of corporal punishment involving the beating of the soles of the feet, has a rich and varied history. This practice can be traced back to ancient civilizations, where it served multiple purposes, including judicial punishment, military discipline, and interrogation. Initially, bastinado’s rudimentary methods employed simple sticks or rods, but as time progressed, the tools and techniques used evolved significantly.

In ancient Egypt, bastinado was utilized as a method of extracting confessions and enforcing discipline among slaves and workers. Similarly, in ancient China, it was integrated into the judicial system as a form of punishment for various offenses. The practice was meticulously documented in Chinese legal texts, illustrating its systemic application and the societal norms surrounding corporal punishment.

During the Middle Ages, bastinado found its way into European judicial systems. It was often inflicted as a penalty for minor crimes, serving both as a deterrent and a means of public humiliation. The military also adopted bastinado as a disciplinary measure to maintain order and compliance among soldiers. The European approach to bastinado saw an evolution in the instruments used, transitioning from simple rods to more specialized tools designed to maximize pain while minimizing permanent damage.

The Ottoman Empire is particularly noted for its use of bastinado, where it was known as falaka. The Ottomans refined the technique, employing a wooden plank and ropes to secure the victim’s feet, ensuring a more controlled and effective administration of the punishment. This method was not only a tool of coercion but also a demonstration of power, reinforcing the authority of the ruling class.

In more recent history, bastinado has been reported in various regimes as a method of interrogation. Its application in these contexts often aimed at extracting information or confessions through coercion. The evolution of bastinado’s methodology in these scenarios underscores its persistent utility in exerting control and dominance.

Overall, the transformation of bastinado across different cultures and eras highlights its adaptability and enduring presence. Whether employed for punishment, coercion, or power demonstration, this practice has left an indelible mark on the historical landscape of corporal punishment.

How to Perform Bastinado Safely: A Beginner’s Guide

For those intrigued by the practice of bastinado and considering its exploration, understanding the essential principles of safety and respect is crucial. Bastinado, the act of striking the soles of the feet, requires careful preparation and communication between participants to ensure a controlled and consensual experience.

To begin, selecting appropriate tools and materials is vital. Implements such as canes, rods, or specially designed whips are commonly used in bastinado. These tools should be smooth, flexible, and free of any sharp edges to avoid causing unintended injuries. It’s advisable to start with lighter implements and gradually progress to heavier ones as you gain experience and confidence.

Setting boundaries and establishing safe words are fundamental steps in practicing bastinado. Before any session begins, both parties should discuss their limits, preferences, and any potential concerns. A safe word—a pre-agreed term that either participant can use to pause or stop the activity—ensures that communication remains clear and that both parties feel secure throughout the session. This mutual understanding fosters a respectful and consensual environment.

Proper positioning of the feet is another critical factor in performing bastinado safely. The recipient should be comfortably seated or lying down, with their feet elevated and accessible. This position minimizes strain and ensures that the feet remain steady during the session. Additionally, the person administering the strikes should maintain a consistent rhythm and avoid targeting the same spot repeatedly, as this can lead to bruising or more severe injuries.

Striking techniques are equally important for minimizing risk. Begin with light, controlled taps to gauge the recipient’s tolerance and gradually increase the intensity if both parties are comfortable. Always monitor the recipient’s reactions and adjust the force and frequency of the strikes as needed. Consistent communication and attentiveness are key to a safe and enjoyable experience.

Aftercare is essential following a bastinado session. The recipient’s feet should be examined for any signs of bruising or swelling. Applying a cold compress can help reduce any immediate discomfort. Gentle massage and moisturizing lotion can aid in the recovery process, promoting relaxation and healing. Proper aftercare not only addresses physical well-being but also reinforces the trust and connection between participants.

By adhering to these guidelines, beginners can explore the practice of bastinado in a responsible and respectful manner, never forgetting the dangers. Ensuring safety and clear communication enhances the overall experience, allowing both parties to engage in this ancient practice with confidence and mutual respect.

Bastinado in Contemporary Culture: Uses and Perceptions

Beyond the realms of consensual adult play, bastinado has also made its way into various forms of media, literature, and art. Its portrayal in these mediums can range from historical depictions to more sensationalized or eroticized interpretations. For instance, in literature and film, bastinado may be utilized to illustrate a character’s resilience or to add a layer of intensity to a storyline. These representations can significantly influence public perception, often shaping how bastinado is viewed by those outside of the communities where it is practiced.

However, the practice of bastinado is not without its ethical considerations and debates. The primary concern is ensuring that consent is always obtained and respected, as non-consensual acts can lead to significant physical and psychological harm. Legality is another aspect, as the acceptance and regulation of such practices can vary widely across different regions and cultures. Additionally, there are ongoing discussions about the potential psychological impact of engaging in or witnessing bastinado, with some arguing that it can be a form of healthy, consensual expression, while others raise concerns about the potential for abuse or long-term effects.

By examining bastinado’s role in contemporary culture, its depictions in media, and the ethical frameworks that surround it, individuals can gain a nuanced understanding of this complex practice. This informed perspective allows for a more balanced view, acknowledging both the consensual, positive experiences of participants as well as the critical considerations that must be kept in mind.

Article MissBonnie 2024

Understanding Age Play: Exploring Role Play and Power Exchange Dynamics Among Consenting Adults

Understanding Age Play

Age play is a unique form of role play and power exchange dynamic that involves consenting adults. In this type of interaction, one or more individuals take on the persona of a different age group. It is important to note that age play is only practiced among adults who have given their informed consent.

The Essence of Age Play

Age play allows participants to explore different roles and dynamics within a safe and consensual environment. It can involve various age groups, such as infants, toddlers, children, teenagers, or even the elderly. The individuals involved may adopt behaviors, clothing, and mannerisms associated with the chosen age group.

The Importance of Consent

Consent is a fundamental aspect of age play. All participants must clearly and willingly agree to engage in this type of role play. Open and honest communication is essential to ensure that boundaries, limits, and desires are respected. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, and it is crucial to establish a safe word or signal to communicate when someone wants to pause or stop the play.

Age play is a deeply personal and intimate experience for those who engage in it. It can provide a sense of nurturing, exploration, and freedom to express oneself in a different role. It is important to approach age play with an open mind, understanding, and respect for the boundaries and desires of all involved parties.

MissBonnie 2024

The Importance of a BDSM Partner Checklist

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The Importance of a BDSM Partner Checklist

When it comes to engaging in BDSM activities, communication and consent are key. One effective tool that can help facilitate this is a BDSM partner checklist. This checklist is a comprehensive list of activities, preferences, limits, and boundaries that each partner can fill out and discuss together. It serves as a starting point to get to know your partner on a deeper level and establish open lines of communication.

Creating a Safe and Consensual Environment

A BDSM partner checklist is an essential tool for creating a safe and consensual environment. It allows both partners to clearly express their desires, boundaries, and limits. This ensures that all activities are consensual and that both partners are comfortable and on the same page.

By discussing the checklist together, partners can uncover shared interests and explore new possibilities. It also provides an opportunity to address any concerns or fears that may arise during the conversation. This open and honest dialogue helps build trust and strengthens the bond between partners.

Enhancing Intimacy and Connection

Engaging in BDSM activities requires a high level of trust and intimacy between partners. By using a BDSM partner checklist, you can deepen your understanding of each other’s desires, fantasies, and limits. This knowledge allows you to tailor your experiences to each other’s needs, enhancing the overall intimacy and connection in your relationship.

Furthermore, the process of filling out the checklist together can be a bonding experience in itself. It encourages vulnerability and fosters a sense of emotional closeness. By openly discussing your desires and boundaries, you create a safe space for each other to be authentic and explore your deepest desires.

In conclusion, a BDSM partner checklist is a valuable tool for anyone interested in exploring BDSM activities. It promotes communication, consent, and understanding between partners, creating a safe and consensual environment. By using this checklist, you can enhance intimacy, deepen your connection, and embark on a journey of exploration and pleasure together.

you will find many type of these within our Community

Further related reading:

Further reading:
D/s Contracts – What are D/s contracts? and how do D/s contracts work?
Contract Sample 1 – An example of a simple D/s contract.
Contract Sample 2 – A more complicated example of a M/s contract
Contract Sample 3 – An example of a temporary BDSM poly contract.
BDSM Rights – Know your rights with a Femdom relationship
Safewords – Do you know your safe word with your Mistress/submissive?
SSC v’s RACK – Safe, sane and consensual V’s Risk-Aware Consensual Kink
Limits & negotiations – Both Dominants and submissives can express limits. What are your partners?
Abuse and P.E – Abuse and erotic power exchange, know the dangers.
Explicit Implicit – Explicit Consent / Implicit consent Play considerately and consensually.

Article MissBonnie copyright 2024

This article is about sadism and masochism as aspects of BDSM.

The term Sadism passed into common usage as the sexual or social pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person. The word is derived from the name of the Marquis de Sade, a prolific French philosopher-writer of sexually violent novels and plays. The passive counterpart of sadism is masochism, the sexual pleasure or gratification of having pain or suffering inflicted upon the self, often consisting of sexual fantasies or urges for being beaten, humiliated, bound, tortured, or otherwise made to suffer, either as an enhancement to or a substitute for sexual pleasure. The name is derived from the name of the 19th century author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, known for his novel Venus in Furs that dealt with highly masochistic themes.

However, the creator of both terms, german psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebbing wrote “By masochism I understand a peculiar perversion of the psychical vita sexualis in which the individual affected, in sexual feeling and thought, is controlled by the idea of being completely and unconditionally subject to the will of a person of the opposite sex; of being treated by this person as by a master, humiliated and abused. This idea is coloured by lustful feeling; the masochist lives in fancies, in which he creates situations of this kind and often attempts to realise them”.

This shows quite clearly that pain and physical violence in its original conception were not necessarily part of the deal. Sadism and masochism, often interrelated, are collectively known as S&M or sadomasochism.

The S&M erotica is about consented humiliation and power exchange. The words are now commonly used to describe personality traits in an emotional, rather than sexual sense. Although it is quite different from the original meaning, this usage is not entirely inaccurate. There is quite frequently a strong emotional aspect to the sexual desires, taking the form of a need for domination or submission-the desire to control another, or to be controlled, as opposed to a simple desire for pain (which is technically known as algolagnia).

Pain, violence, sex and love all are associated with the release of a variety of hormones and chemicals within the human body. Furthermore, humans have been shown to exhibit sympathetic responses in their bodies while watching, hearing, or imagining such experiences.

Endorphins are released by pain experiences and can be perceived as pleasurable and possibly psychologically addictive. It is due to this same release of endorphins that people can become addicted to self harm. In this way, the acts of self harm and engaging in masochistic behavior can be similar in function though most would agree, not in causality. Brain chemicals such as serotonin and melatonin can be affected by emotional or stressful experiences.Epinephrine and norepinephrine are released during stressful or painful experiences, and can cause a pleasurable ‘rush’. The effects of S&M on body chemistry possibly reinforce the behavior and therefore might create psychological states that seek to further such behavior.

The psychology of S&M

The terms sadism and masochism were first used consistently to describe these behaviors by the German psychiatrist Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing in his 1886 compilation of case studies Psychopathia Sexualis, a famous study. Sigmund Freud, a psychoanalyst and a contemporary of Krafft-Ebing, noted that both were often found in the same individuals, and combined the two into a single dichotomous entity known as sadomasochism (often abbreviated as S&M or S/M). This observation is commonly verified in both literature and practice; many sadists and masochists define themselves as “switchable”-capable of taking pleasure in either role. However it has also been argued (Deleuze, Coldness and Cruelty) that the concurrence of sadism and masochism in Freud’s model should not be taken for granted.

It was Freud who introduced the terms “primary” and “secondary” masochism. Though this idea has come under a number of interpretations, in a primary masochism the masochist undergoes a complete, not just a partial, rejection by the model or courted object (or sadist), possibly involving the model taking a rival as his or her preferred mate. This complete rejection is related to the death drive in Freud’s psychoanalysis (Todestrieb). In a secondary masochism, by contrast, the masochist experiences a less serious, more feigned rejection and punishment by the model. Secondary masochism, in other words, has the characteristics of a charade, and most commentators are quick to point out its contrivedness.

Rejection is not desired by a primary masochist in quite the same sense as the feigned rejection occurring within a relatively equal relationship–or even where the masochist happens to be the one having true power (this is the problematic that underlies the analyses of Deleuze and Sartre, for example). In Things Hidden Since the Foundation of The World Rene Girard attempts to resuscitate and reinterpret Freud’s distinction of primary and secondary masochism, in connection with his own philosophy.

Both Krafft-Ebing and Freud assumed that sadism in men resulted from the distortion of the aggressive component of the male sexual instinct. Masochism in men, however, was seen as a more significant aberration, contrary to the nature of male sexuality. Freud doubted that masochism in men was ever a primary tendency, and speculated that it may exist only as a transformation of sadism. Sadomasochism in women received comparatively little discussion, as it was believed that it occurred primarily in men. Both also assumed that masochism was so inherent to female sexuality that it would be difficult to distinguish as a separate inclination.

Havelock Ellis, in Studies in the Psychology of Sex, argued that there is no clear distinction between the aspects of sadism and masochism, and that they may be regarded as complementary emotional states. He also made the important point that sadomasochism is concerned only with pain in regard to sexual pleasure, and not in regard to cruelty, as Freud had suggested. In other words, the sadomasochist generally desires that the pain be inflicted or received in love, not in abuse, for the pleasure of either one or both participants. This mutual pleasure may even be essential for the satisfaction of those involved.

Here Ellis touches upon the often paradoxical nature of consensual S&M. It is not only pain to initiate pleasure, but violence-or the simulation of violence-to express love. This contradictory character is perhaps most evident in the observation by some that not only are sadomasochistic activities usually done for the benefit of the masochist, but that it is often the masochist that controls them, through subtle emotional cues received by the sadist.

In his essay Coldness and Cruelty, (originally Présentation de Sacher-Masoch, 1967) Gilles Deleuze rejects the term ‘sadomasochism’ as artificial, especially in the context of the prototypical masochistic work, Sacher-Masoch’s Venus In Furs. Deleuze instead argues that the tendency toward masochism is based on desire brought on from the delay of gratification. Taken to its extreme, an infinite delay, this is manifested as perpetual coldness. The masochist derives pleasure from, as Deleuze puts it, The Contract: the process by which he can control another individual and turn the individual into someone cold and callous. The Sadist, in contrast, derives pleasure from The Law: the unavoidable power that places one person below another. The sadist attempts to destroy the ego in an effort to unify the id and superego, in effect gratifying the most base desires the sadist can express while ignoring or completely suppressing the will of the ego, or of the conscience. Thus, Deleuze attempts to argue that Masochism and Sadism arise from such different impulses that the combination of the two terms is meaningless and misleading. The perceived sadistic capabilities of masochists are treated by Deleuze as reactions to masochism. Indeed, in the epilogue of Venus In Furs, the character of Severin has become bitter from his experiment in masochism, and advocates instead the domination of women.

Before Deleuze, however, Sartre had presented his own theory of sadism and masochism, at which Deleuze’s deconstructive attack, which took away the symmetry of the two roles, was probably directed. By virtue of the fact that the pleasure or power in looking at the victim figures prominently in sadism and masochism, Sartre was able to link these phenomena to his famous philosophy of the Look of the Other. Sartre argued that masochism is an attempt by the For-itself (consciousness) to reduce itself to nothing, becoming an object that is drowned out by the “abyss of the Other’s subjectivity” By this Sartre means that, given that the For-itself desires to attain a point of view in which it is both subject and object, one possible strategy is to gather and intensify every feeling and posture in which the self appears as an object to be rejected, tested, and humiliated; and in this way the For-itself strives toward a point of view in which there is only one subjectivity in the relationship, which would be both that of the abuser and the abused. Conversely, of course, Sartre held sadism to be the effort to annihilate the subjectivity of the victim. That would mean that the sadist, who is exhilarated in the emotional distress of the victim, is such because he or she also seeks to assume a subjectivity which would take a point of view on the victim, and on itself, as both subject and object.

This argument may appear stronger if it is somehow understood that the Look of the Other is either only an aspect of the other faculties of desire, or somehow its primary faculty. It does not account for the turn that Deleuze took for his own philosophy of these matters, but this premise of desire-as-Look is associated with the view always attacked by Deleuze, in what he regarded as the essential error of “desire as lack,” and which he identified in the philosophical temperament of Plato, Socrates, and Lacan. For Deleuze, in so far as desire is a lack it is reducible to the Look.

Finally, after Deleuze, Rene Girard included his account of sado-masochism in Things Hidden Since the Foundation of The World, originally Des choses cachées depuis la fondation du monde, 1978, making the chapter on masochism a coherent part of his theory of mimetic desire. In this view of sado-masochism, the violence of the practices are an expression of a peripheral rivalry that has developed around the actual love-object. There is clearly a similarity to Deleuze, since both in the violence surrounding the memory of mimetic crisis and its avoidance, and in the resistance to affection that is focussed on by Deleuze, there is an understanding of the value of the love object in terms of the processes of its valuation, acquisition and the test it imposes on the suitor.

Many theorists, particularly feminist theories, have suggested that sadomasochism is an inherent part of modern Western culture. According to their theories, sex and relationships are both consistently taught to be formulated within a framework of male dominance and female submission. Some of them further link this hypothesized framework to inequalities among gender, class, and race which remain a substantial part of society, despite the efforts of the civil rights movement and feminism.

There are a number of reasons commonly given for why a sadomasochist finds the practice of S&M enjoyable, and the answer is largely dependent on the individual. For some, taking on a role of compliance or helplessness offers a form of therapeutic escape; from the stresses of life, from responsibility, or from guilt. For others, being under the power of a strong, controlling presence may evoke the feelings of safety and protection associated with childhood. They likewise may derive satisfaction from earning the approval of that figure. A sadist, on the other hand, may enjoy the feeling of power and authority that comes from playing the dominant role, or receive pleasure vicariously through the suffering of the masochist. It is poorly understood, though, what ultimately connects these emotional experiences to sexual gratification, or how that connection initially forms.

It is usually agreed on by psychologists that experiences during early sexual development can have a profound effect on the character of sexuality later in life. Sadomasochistic desires, however, seem to form at a variety of ages. Some individuals report having had them before puberty, while others do not discover them until well into adulthood. According to one study, the majority of male sadomasochists (53%) developed their interest before the age of 15, while the majority of females (78%) developed their interest afterwards (Breslow, Evans, and Langley 1985). Like sexual fetishes, sadomasochism can be learned through conditioning-in this context, the repeated association of sexual pleasure with an object or stimulus.

The distinction between S&M, BDSM and D/S

BDSM is a short-hand acronym for many subdivisions of the culture: (B&D) bondage and discipline, (D&S) domination and submission, (S&M) sadism and masochism. Sadists enjoy inflicting pain; it may or may not be sexual in nature. Masochists enjoy receiving pain, which, again, may or may not be sexual. Dominance and submission is a more internal distinction, a power dynamic rather than a set of acts. Not all masochists are submissive, and not all submissives enjoy pain. Not all sadists are dominant, and not all who enjoy dominating others are sadists

Sadism and masochism in real life

The term BDSM describes the quite common activities between consenting adults that contain sadistic and masochistic elements. Many behaviors such as erotic spanking, tickling and love-bites that many people think of only as “rough” sex also contain elements of sado-masochism. Note the issue of legal consent which may or may not represent a defense to criminal liability for any more serious injuries caused.

In certain extreme cases, sadism and masochism can include fantasies, sexual urges or behaviour that cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, to the point that they can be considered part of a mental disorder. However, this is an uncommon case, and psychiatrists are now moving towards regarding sadism and masochism not as disorders in and of themselves, but only as disorders when associated with other problems such as a personality disorder.

“Sadism” and “masochism,” in the context of consensual sexual activities, are not strictly accurate terms, at least by the psychological definitions. “Sadism” in absolute terms refers to someone whose pleasure in causing pain does not depend on the consent of the “victim.” Indeed, a lack of consent may be a requisite part of the experience for a true sadist. Similarly, the masochist in consensual BDSM is someone who enjoys the experience of pain in a particular context and, usually, according to a certain scripted and mutually agreed upon “scene.” These “masochists” do not typically enjoy pain in other scenarios, such as accidental injury, medical procedures, and so on.

Similarly, the exchange of power in S&M may not be along the expected lines. While it might be assumed that the “sadist,” or “top”–the person who gives the sensation or causes the humiliation–is the one with the power, the actual power may lie with the “masochist,” or “bottom,” who typically creates the script, or at least sets the boundaries, by which the S&M practitioners play. Sadism and masochism in fiction

Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s novel Venus in Furs is essentially one long masochistic fantasy, where the male principal character encourages his mistress to mistreat him. It inspired a song of the same name, and about the same subject matter, by the rock group The Velvet Underground, featuring the lyric “Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather.”

The 1971 film Straw Dogs, by director Sam Peckinpah, features a scene where the character of Amy Sumner (played by Susan George) is “raped” by one of the few local men responsible for tiling the roof of her and her husband’s house. The scene is extremely ambiguous, but it is usually interpreted that Amy begins to enjoy the encounter, of which she is the masochistic subject. In the 1987 film Hellraiser and its sequels, Pinhead (the lead cenobite) feels that there is beauty in suffering and torture. In the 2005 video game Crash Tag Team Racing video game, the Doctor N. Gin character is shown to possess masochistic tendencies.

The novel @Gordon@, by Edith Templeton, is a semi-autobiographical account of a long-term sadomasochistic relationship. Story of O is another classic masochistic novel, written by a woman, Pauline Réage. In this novel, the female principal character is kept in a chateau and educated by a group of men using a wide range of BDSM type techniques.

The novelist Anne Rice, best known for Interview with the Vampire, wrote the sadomasochistic trilogy The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty under the pseudonym of A. N. Roquelaure. Also “Exit to Eden”

In Ayn Rand’s novel The Fountainhead, the sexual relationship between the protagonists is characterized by violence and force, which the female protagonist savours.

Brendan Connell’s novel The Translation of Father Torturo, features a character, Cardinal Zuccarelli, who finds romantic pleasure in humiliation and pain.

GoldenEye, the 1995 James Bond film features Xenia Onatopp, a crazed Russian killer who takes pleasure during sex by strangling her victims or crushing their pelvis with her thighs.

The 2001 movie La Pianiste (released with subtitles as The Piano Teacher) describes a relationship between a repressed piano teacher and her pupil, which ends unhappily when she reveals her extreme masochistic desires to him, which brings the relationship to an end, but not before he has made a disgusted attempt to enact his conception of her masochistic fantasies.

The metaphysical “documentary” What the Bleep Do We Know!? featured a bridesmaid who is shown subconsciously transmitting the message “Make me suffer please!” to the wedding-guests.

The 2001 Japanese movie Koroshiya 1 (released with subtitles as Ichi the Killer) follows 2 main characters, Kakihara and Ichi. Kakihara is an extreme sado-masochist who has a taste for pain and humiliation, while also having a taste of delivering pain and humiliation. Kakihara is looking for the extreme sadist who will grant him his wish of ultimate masochistic release even if it results in his death. (In fact he hopes it does)

A 2002 movie, Secretary, directed by Steven Shainberg, explores the relationship between a masochistic secretary and her dominant, sadistic employer.

A character in Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels Trilogy named Daemon Sadi is nicknamed “The Sadist” for his cruelty towards women (who used him as a “pleasure slave”).

In Paulo Coelho’s novel Eleven Minutes the main character, Maria, experiments with sadomasochism, and her partner has studied the topic thoroughly.

In the game Phantasmagoria: A Puzzle of Flesh, Curtis Craig goes to an S&M club to visit his friend Therese.

In the novels by Jacqueline Carey, the Kushiel’s Legacy saga, the main character Phedre is an extreme masochist for whom sex is a religious experience.

In Sorcerer Hunters, the manga and anime story, Chocolate Misu and Tira Misu are Sadomasochistic dominatrices, and this story has great influence of sadomasochism.

In a Family Guy episode called Peter’s Two Dads, Stewie becomes a masochism addict when Lois spanks him.

Jacqueline Carey’s Kushiel’s Legacy trilogy and related books star a masochistic woman. There are numerous examples of Edgeplay within the books.

The words “sadistic” and “masochistic” are mentioned at the beginning of both Kill Bill movies in Bill’s speech.

Sadomasochism has also become a popular theme for advertisers who seek to appear “edgy” or unconventional. Anheuser-Busch, Inc., a mainstream brewer of popular beers, including Bud Lite, now sponsors the Folsom Street Fair and Diesel brand Jeans runs ads in major fashion magazines with an S&M theme.

Mr. Slave from South Park is an S&M whore.

References:

  • 1. Richard von Krafft-Ebbing, “Psychopathia Sexualis”, 1886,

http://ia350608.us.archive.org/1/items/psychopathiasexu00krafuoft/psychopathiasexu00krafuoft_djvu.txt

  • 2.Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness, on sadism and masochism.

Article: MissBonnie CollarNcuffs.com ©

Golden Shower


Golden Showers (GS) (also known as Watersports (WS)) is a quite often mentioned and many questions are asked about it, esp. concerning health issues.

First of all, what is it about?
GS is a slang term for the practice of erotic peeing in order to enhance sexual intimacy. It is sometimes involved in D/s play as an act of humiliation also.

Why do people do it?

There are mainly two aspects – some consider it a “dirty” act and esp. that makes it so exciting. The second aspect is that you share something very intimate with someone you are very close, something you wouldn’t do with a stranger.

Urine is dirty, isn’t it?

Urine has a peculiar smell that we seem to instinctively shrink from. Our bodies balance our dissolved minerals by eliminating excesses. We also need to rid ourselves of a compound called urea. We instinctively know from the odor that, no matter how thirsty we are, drinking urine will render our elimination strategy useless. But that doesn’t make our urine dirty – in fact – urine is nearly sterile when it leaves our body and one of our medically cleanest body fluids.

But “nearly sterile” doesn’t mean it is completely innocuous – the urine can pick up bacteria from a urinary infection along the urethra (urogenital tract) (an infection you sometimes even don’t notice). This might be a health aspect to be considered when you intend to drink another persons urine. Whether Hepatitis Virus can be transferred or not is still unclear.

Urine of women, who use the birth control pill, contains female hormones, which can lead to a partial feminization when being consumed by a man (a strange case has been documented, Source: Datenschlag.org – Papiertiger).

Urine is a compound of 99% water, some minerals (mostly salt, some magnesium, calcium, potassium and phosphate), uric acid, little ammonia and some vitamin C and B complex. Nothing harmful or toxic.

Yikes, but it still smells!

To prevent any “offensive” smell you or your partner shouldn’t drink any alcoholic beverages, coffee or tea a few hours before you want to do it. Also food with lots of protein causes a lot of byproducts which can cause the odor. Best is to drink a lot of simple table water a few hours before you want to play.

A small amount of alcohol can be useful for dissolving inhibitions over what you plan to do. But large amounts of alcohol detract from the sexual pleasure and ability.
The use of your own morning urine is considered a great method of healing wounds and often recommended by healers/MDs lately Some people even drink their own morning urine as healing portion every morning.

All in all one can say it is much safer than for example anal sex which has more risks of infections and injuries.
A warning anyway, urine is a rather bad environment for HIV viruses (Human Immunodeficiency Virus), but an HIV/AIDS test should always be done if you consider things like GS with your (new) partner. An HIV test can be done rather anonymously (without visiting your local doctor) when making a blood donor. They check your blood for HIV viruses and other STDs and infections and you’ll get a document.

Article: MissBonnie © CollarNcuffs.com

Protocols in Dominant/Submissive Relationships

Protocols in Dominant/Submissive Relationships:, Mistress/slave, Domme/Sub…Power based relationships stimulate the mind and the libido. But how do we maintain that erotic charge through the scene and between scenes?

Life comes with bills, the flu, dishes, and laundry, getting the car serviced, taking the trash out, going to work and so much more. Plus then add in kids if you have them and then you have less time. And everything keeps going no matter if you are in a D/s relationship. It means there is no 24/7 bondage, S&M and sex. It means living life the best we can do and trying to add in things to keep that focus of the power exchange. It is keeping it real within reality.

I think people think that when you are in a Femdom it is all about sex and S&M. But as you know we live in the real world and we make our lives fit within reality of the world or it will makes us fit in it.

The only thing that is needed for a Femdom is the power exchange. In a relationship she controls and he serves and obeys. And that is all that is needed. And those things can fit in anyone’s life with bills, projects or even if you have kids.

Some people believe that if the vanilla quicksand them that they have to start their D/s relationship all over OR that they are being vanilla.

Many of people look at their lifestyle and just see the toilet overflowing, the stack of dishes, the pile of book bags and the laundry heaping up. They think we are not doing S&M because of all that “vanilla stuff.” Instead of looking at it that way, look at the foundation…the power exchange and see that the D/s is still there or it can still be there without S&M. By no means are we saying to take out the S&M or we don’t “need” it. But make sure the foundation of the power exchange is there.

A big mistake I think that people make is separating D/s and non-D/s activities such as everyday vanilla life. They say, “Well our life is too vanilla” or “We were just so vanilla yesterday.”

What I want you to think about: Dominants do you still have the desire to control and have the power in your relationship? When in a vanilla setting would your submissive obey a comment? I am not necessarily talking about telling your submissive strip down at a PTA Meeting, but how about being in a mall shopping and commanding her to try something on for you. Or just even stopping and telling him to kiss in the grocery store….seems like vanilla things, but it isn’t if the power exchange in your foundation. So do you have the power and control in all situations – vanilla or not?

Submissives do you have the desire to serve and please even in vanilla situations? Do you defer to your Dominant in vanilla settings as well as private? Would you obey and serve in a vanilla setting?

Also do you have protocols or rituals that go beyond a private setting? If you have protocols and rituals then you have those always too – no matter if in a D/s setting or non-D/s setting.

Those things don’t go away just because we are in a vanilla setting. They are a part of our power exchange so in essence a part of whom we are always. So why separate non-D/s or vanilla activities and D/s activities because they are there all the time even if not overtly dominating or overtly submitting.

This quote really sums this up well…Although written for a female sub it is great advice:

The goal should be to incorporate your dominance and her submission seamlessly into your lifestyle. It should be intertwined so that just about anything you and your sub/slave do together could be construed as D/s. In other words, don’t complicate your lives by categorizing aspects and activities into “D/s activities” and “non-D/s” activities.“ ~ RebelGent

A process of protocols and rituals have allowed us to enhance our D/s foundation. These protocols and rituals can be as innocuous as the way oz sits next to me as extensive his daily wardrobe.

The key is to find a set of protocols and rituals that can work – as everyone’s tastes, likes/dislikes are all subject to change from one individual to the next. There are varied degrees in which to conduct protocols and rituals from the basic to the incredibly high protocol where you almost have to ask permission to breathe.

As with everything in the lifestyle, some of these ideas may or may not work for you. The level of “micro-management” or just “management” can be controlled and be completely unique. Each Dominant has their personal tastes and preferences – so it only makes sense to personalize the combination of protocols and rituals being applied to your relationship.

I think what is helpful in making the D/s fit into the real world is establishing adaptable protocols and rituals instead of specific rules. It gives more flexibility and does not put such a strain on your relationship.

Consensual M/s and D/s relationships aren’t about forcing a bunch of rules. Because given enough time almost anyone will obey if forced. Consensual M/s and D/s relationships are about making the Dominants will your will. It is about wanting to serve and please that person that it aches inside when you don’t. It is about obeying because you want and need too.

Here are some protocol and ritual lists just to give you some ideas and wet your appetite and maybe spark off some self thought, some are more extreme than others.

There will be levels of protocol, as defined below. When we enter, we will be in the “normal” level until and unless specified otherwise. After a scene, we will be in the “casual” level until and unless specified otherwise. You may consult this paper as necessary.

Casual

  • You will wear your collar.
  • You will offer me drinks and food when we arrive.
  • You may get drinks and food for yourself without asking permission.
  • You may mingle freely, but will notify me if you intend to leave the room.
  • All of our regular rules/protocols (“Yes, Mistress”, handing protocols, cursing, etc.) apply.
  • You will remain alert to possible signals from me (such as hand signals from across the room, or me saying “insert name!”) – I should not need to “hunt you down” in order to change protocol levels or give you an instruction. (If you’ve given me notification that you will be in another room, that’s a valid exception.)
  • There are no restrictions on speech, eye contact, socializing, furniture use, etc.

The basic idea of this level is that we are a happy couple casually attending a social function together in a kink-friendly atmosphere.

Normal

  • You may not use furniture (except ottomans and tables) or walls.
  • You will remain close enough for me to reach out and touch you at any time.
  • When standing, you should keep your arms behind your back in your normal posture stance.
  • Otherwise, you retain freedom of posture, movement, gaze, etc., but you should strive to remain symmetrical and graceful in your positions. You will keep enough attention on me to respond to my voice, gestures, etc., without my having to purposely get your attention. (This is very important. Lapses will be punished.)
  • You may not make sustained eye contact with me. Fleeting contact is acceptable.
  • You should strive to please me with actions like foot kissing, leg rubbing, or whatever you anticipate would bring me pleasure (while realizing that this is not a test and you may ask me what would please me if you are not sure).
  • You will not use the name of a deity as such, nor any even mild curse words like “damn” or “bitch.”
  • The basic idea of this level is that, while you will not be unduly restricted, your main attention and focus should be on pleasing me as my slave.

Formal

  • You may not use any furniture.
  • When instructed to assume a position, you will remain in that position until told otherwise.
  • You will keep your head pointed forward and down at all times.
  • You may not ask questions, but you may otherwise speak to me freely, consistent with striving to please and obey me.
  • You may not speak to anyone else unless either (a) I indicate that you should, or (b) it would be rude to remain silent (e.g., Christine asks you a question).
  • You will begin all lines spoken to me with the word “Mistress.”
  • I will begin all statements to you with “My * slave.” (You will respectfully notify me if I fail to do this.)
  • You will focus your attention solely on me unless instructed to interact with another person or object.
  • The basic idea of this level is that you are under my total control and are completely focused on pleasing and obeying me as my slave.

Scene

  • No protocols outside of our general rules apply.
  • You will do your best to obey me, subject to your responsibility to help us both remain safe and sane.
  • We will both accept that I will risk your failure to obey me by giving you instructions that may be too difficult to obey completely. This is part of the scene and not considered a failure of your submission to me. Failure is not “actually” punishable although consequences may be part of the scene.
  • This protocol level is considered to begin when I ask you to remove your clothing at the start of a scene, and to end when you have put your clothing back on; it does not need to be specified.

The below was originally written for a female Submissives, but the ideas are transferable and have been sourced from various places on the Internet (I have lost the original source of this document, if you own it could please contact admin)

Some protocols and rituals enhance our relationship:

  • Eating
  • When out to eat – Mistress/Master orders for me. We have found that since we do this all the time even around vanilla friends and family they just learn to know this is just part what we like or who we are…that my “significant other” knows me so well that he just orders for me. I usually don’t even open a menu.
  • I don’t eat until Master gives me permission and often that permission is just a nod of the head after we sit down to eat or if out at a restaurant after I am served. I will in the presence of others at times get my napkin situated or take a drink until he gives me permission with that nod.
  • That protocol started differently at first. When we first started eating protocols, I just needed to wait until Master began eating. Then I was able to eat. That also went very un-noticed by vanilla friends and family.
  • If we are at a restaurant, sometimes he will push his coffee mug over to me and signal me to get him more – prepared the way he likes it (of course).
  • When I serve Master his meal, I serve Him first before getting my plate together. I also always give my Master the best piece of meat, the bigger baked potato and so on.
  • My eating and food intact at times is controlled. At times, I need permission to eat anything. That works for us because Master has a job where it will not disturb him if I need to call to have a snack or lunch (on the rare days he is not coming home for lunch too). I have to always call and ask permission to have a diet coke as it was an addiction in the past and Master has slowly weaned me off of them

Dressing

  • I have a preference where xxx does not wear pants. In addition to wearing dresses or skirts, I like her to wear panties, tights and hose – which literally flies against what most Dominants prefer. It works for me – but may not necessarily work for anyone else.
  • I do not control what she wears everyday, but when I have a preference I tell her. Such as some days all I want her to wear is a pair of pantyhose or just a blue stain lingerie set that is very beautiful on her. Mostly she just dresses to please me. We talked about what I like on her and she dresses accordingly.
  • Each evening when I come home from work though, she is dressed slutty for me. Before she gets ready for bed, she asks permission to take off these articles of clothing.
  • My girl is not allowed to wear cotton undergarments. I like the way satin and silk feels and so that is the only materials she is allowed in undergarments. It is a standard for her.
  • My girl has an outfit that I enjoy her wearing and she abhors. I could make it a ritual that she wears it more and that she thank me for the privilege of wearing the outfit although she hates it. It would humble her. And show her it is a privilege that she is allowed other types of clothing and outfits. The mindset involved would make it a ritual instead of a protocol.

Permissions

  • There are permission protocols in our relationship. When we’re together, I ask permission to go to the bathroom or when I want a diet coke. When he is at work, I don’t call him if I can go to the bathroom, but I still call when I want a diet coke. I ask permission to sign online, to call someone, or to lie down.
  • Permissions do not need to be overt – but done in an invisible manner. Such as the one I mentioned earlier…if we’re eating at a restaurant or with family or vanilla friends, I still do not have permission to eat until he say it’s okay. Usually after my plate is served, we make eye contact which is followed by a gentle nod which allows me to begin eating.

Other permissions we have used or have in place are:

  • Permission to sit on furniture or restrict the use of furniture.
  • Permission to go out with friends. Having curfew when going out.
  • Permission to leave the room or house. Master controlling the keys and my drivers license is in his wallet.
  • Permission to go bath and Shower
  • The old favourite…permission to use the bathroom.
  • Permission to speak with others in a D/s setting. Controlling protocol while at a bdsm event…such as having me in “high protocol.” That is when I am quiet, unobtrusive, and usually do not speak until spoken too. Or having to seek permission for almost entirely everything. It’s difficult to maintain high protocol for an extended period of time and realistically – how many phone calls does a Dominant want at work to ask permission to go to another room, ask for a sip of water?

Sleep

Again sleeping rituals or protocols that we have used or are currently using:

  • Kneeling before entering bed – doing some meditation before going to bed is a ritual.
  • Asking permission to enter the bed is a protocol
  • Having a bedtime is a protocol
  • Being chained to the bed or sleeping in cuffs could be made into either.

Privacy

  • Privacy is another area controlled in our dynamic. When property, nothing is yours anymore so to show that….taking away privacy is a way to get that message home loud and clear.
  • In our household, Master does not allow me to close doors – bathroom, bedroom and so on. Now if we had kids I am sure this would change. And it does get modified when we have visitors also. I have friends that don’t allow their kids in their bedroom. They can stand at the door and talk to them when the door is open, but are not allowed in the bedroom. And when the door is closed, they are not to knock at that door unless it is an emergency. It is explained at adult alone get away from the kid’s time. And their kids have gotten so used to that rule they just obey it without question or arguing now. Also when my friend goes the bathroom she goes the Master bathroom and can’t close the door – no kids can look in but no doors are closed on her Master. And it is similar here when we have company as no one can see into our Master/Mistress bathroom when Master’s bedroom door is open.
  • I have to ask to go the bathroom and that takes a way a sense of personal space privacy. I have to even tell my Master if I am urinating or having a bowel movement and it most certainly is embarrassing (still after all this time) but it does give me that knowing everything I do he knows about – Everything I am he knows
  • Some other privacy protocols we have used: Master/Mistress has all access to my emails, chat logs, all snail mail – letters, packages, bills, personal or non-personal mail. We both admit that a lot of people out there want to keep their privacy – which is understandable, but for our dynamic it works to help keep the focus of I am property and he is the Owner of said property.

Daily Schedule

This is something that ebbs and flows with us. At times, it is loosely control and other times it is very strict. Sometimes I am told what I will do each day. Other times I just need to inform Master what I have on my plate that needs to get done. And yet other times he does not worry about it my schedule at all. Again, Master changes things to meet his needs if it is not working.

  • My Master had me work out a schedule for the week on what I want to do each day of the week regards to housecleaning and He approved it. He now knows on Tuesday I clean the kitchen and what I do to clean the kitchen. But if I have extra projects, I have to let him know…like with the holidays I had baking, decorating and gift-wrapping. So, I had to tell him about those things so he could put them into my schedule. Or maybe he wanted me to do something and thinks that is priority and has me drop something. He controls the schedule ultimately.
  • Master tries to work into my schedule time for me to meditate or journal. A journal can be helpful in talking about even just daily events – places that were hard in the schedule, concerns and what not. It has worked good when face to face time with Master is a premium, as he can look the journal over to see where I am at and how things are progressing.
  • As schedules become more complex – it’s almost easier to plan ahead when there’s an available 30 minutes in a weekday. I have friends that take that time during the middle of the day or time when they can send them to their grandparents to have some alone time. And sometimes scheduling alone playtime is needed.
  • Scheduling is another way of holding together structure. Making the schedule rigid can suffocate the relationship – making the schedule too lax and that raises the question: “why have a schedule to begin with?”

Other Rituals

  • Inspection time – where I critique xxxxx appearance (i.e. whether they are to wear their hair a certain way, underwear check, paint on her toe nails, correctly shaved.) – having her prepare for this time is very much an intimate mindset.
  • Our ritual shower – xxxx sits in the bottom of the shower as I clean myself first. I at times urinate on her. The mindset of getting in the shower, having the water I am cleaning myself with flood over her is a very almost Zen like experience for her and re-enforcers her station with me.
  • Urination or masturbation while in the shower can be formed into a ritual.

source: various internet combined pages who’s orginal source has since been lost or taken down.

Protocols and rituals are not needed to have a D/s or M/s relationship. They just are there to enhance the relationship. Some key things to remember when forming protocols is to be flexible, think about why you are doing the protocol, and make it personal. Maybe you start something and it just does not work with your schedule bend it make it work or adopt other protocols to make them fit into your life. We have protocols that are in place that get put to the way side when things are busy or when one of us is ill. Does that mean we are not a D/s couple any more? No way. Our foundation is still there. The dynamic we have is still there even without the protocols and rituals. So, instead of thinking “Oh now we are not doing D/s” she still is in control and he is still serving and pleasing. And lastly don’t let the protocols prop up your relationship – meaning if you take away the protocols and rituals is your D/s or M/s dynamic still there? If yes then that is great! If not then you need to take a second look at your relationship. Build the foundation before adding furniture to your house.

Article MissBonnie © CollarNcuffs 2007

Leather Lingerie

Erotic Leather Lingerie – How to Have a Great Experience


People are curious about leather, they want to try it but they are nervous and cautious because they feel the stigma around leather still exists and is prevalent in their network of friends and family.

Erotic leather lingerie is not just for cowboys, bikers and hard-core BDSM anymore, and while leather is definitely NOT mainstream, more and more people are introducing the idea into their fantasy and love life.

Leather invokes a surreal alter ego in everyone and it can be better for the soul then most self-help books. Slipping into a curve hugging elegant piece of leather can turn the shyest of dames into a purring sex kitten, giving her a right of passage into a realm of pleasure.

Whether she buys it herself or has it given to her as a gift, when she tries on that sultry leather there will be no turning back!

And for the lads out there, everyone knows leather denotes power and confidence and any man that puts it on knows how life changing it can be. He can absorb something from the leather that exudes sex appeal and charm. It’s truly a transforming experience.

The great thing about the WWW is you don’t have to worry if anyone is going to see you buying that leather thong or a sexy leather teddy it can be done with the click of your finger, in the privacy of your own home and you can even do it naked!

There are many styles and colors available in the market for erotic leather wear, and one must be careful when choosing what to buy. Leather that is mass-produced in facilities from the Far East will not give the product any justice and in fact it will discredit the beautiful elegance leather wear has to offer.

Is it cowhide or lambskin? Cowhide is great if you are riding a motorcycle or making a belt or wallet. Many manufacturers use cow nappa and while it’s soft, it does not offer the same buttery supple texture as lambskin and it does not have a resilience like lambskin so if you wear it once or twice, it will crease and become damaged. Lambskin bounces back to its natural texture; you can wear it over and over without the worry of having unsightly creases.

What about lining, does the product you are buying offer lining and if so, what type of lining is it? Is it top of the line satin or something inferior? You want to ensure that you are getting the best leather wear experience, especially if it’s your first time. So ask the retailer if their leather wear offers satin lining.

Satin lining is important not only for hygienic purposes but it also keeps your skin and hair away from being tugged on by the rivets and studs. Any manufacturer that cares about their consumer will offer satin lining on their leather wear, so be sure to ask. You will thank me for it in the long run.

Fellow shoppers, when browsing around for sexy leather wear be sure to consider where the leather is manufactured, is the designer on site inspecting each piece or is it outsourced to the far east for cheaper mass production? What type of leather is used, are the manufacturers giving you sophisticated resilient lambskin or a lesser quality cowhide? Does the manufacturer offer lining and if yes, what material is the lining made of? How does the price compare to the competition and the current market value of the various brands out there.

Considering these few things, while shopping online, will help to ensure your leather experience will be a successful one leaving you wanting more and more!

Article: MissBonnie CollarNcuffs.com

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The Corset – A Symbol Of Powerful Female Expression

Madonna, Sarah Jessica Parker, Beyonce and a score of other celebrities in current pop culture have repeatedly brought the corset “out from under” and into the limelight over the past couple of decades. Whether a leather corset for an erotic spectacle on stage, a beaded one for the Red Carpet or lacy and casual for lunch with friends, the image harkens back, ever so subtly, to one of the first powerful ladies to don a corset, Queen Elizabeth I of England. That’s not to imply of course that Queen Elizabeth’s corsets were such blatant fashion statements as these women’s, but underneath it all, was there more being said than meets the eye? And it may not have been any of these celebrities’ intention to associate herself with powerful women of eras past necessarily, but it’s not a far stretch to say that this fashion statement speaks volumes and brings with it to its wearers a powerful history of female expression that spans centuries.

For a simple item of clothing, corsets have stirred many opinions as to their function and the role they play in the female wardrobe. In eras past, as a required fashion staple, corsets were sometimes considered to be the epitome of conservative male oppression of women with their restrictive binding. In current times however, fashion designers are less likely to consider corsets as a figment of male domination and instead covet them as a timeless fascination with shaping the female body and today’s wearers can surely be considered to be clearly exhibiting the ultimate form of confidence and feminine expression. Still, others who couldn’t care less about a corset’s cultural implications or their ability to shape a body consider them to be ideal under-garments supporting the back in a comfortable way–a very practical fashion in this sense. Of course, no fashion would be worth its weight without a little controversy and on this point, corsets have delivered.

Corsets basically evolved into the modern bra. But there clearly remains a fashionable allure for the earlier predecessor. Described today as gorgeous, ultra-glamorous, and sexy, corsets are available in a variety of styles and colors, fabricated from all types of materials. They’re often boned as were early patterns. But now, three things make modern corsets distinctly different from 16th and 17th century patterns. Today they range in size from small to 3X and above. Corsets are worn as outerwear, with jeans in casual settings and glamorized for evening wear. They are often used as lingerie, and unlike their predecessors, they’re designed to be comfortable and easy to get in and out of quickly.

In recent corset news, confirming the fascination with these garments, celebrities have custom designed embellished leather corsets and those made from other unusual and creative materials that have been auctioned for upwards of $1000 and beyond, to benefit charity. Not only are corsets sexy fashion, but they have become a very profitable endeavor!

On the lingerie front, leather corsets or those made from classic lace or racier PVC are popular today and available in a variety of styles and sizes as well. Just like their outerwear counterparts, a myriad of designs are created to accentuate the curves of the female physique and they are consciously designed to flatter the wearer. Many lingerie corsets now have optional G-strings and detachable garters. Other options include front zippers, lace up backs, hook and eye front closure, and adjustable shoulder straps. Sometimes lycra is added for more comfort and many patterns are lined in silk or satin.

It’s unlikely that the “powerful women of eras past” would have considered one of these garments as a staple in their wardrobe. But as for the women of today, current day corsets, from the simplest to the most elaborate, are one way of exuding powerful feminine expression on the outside and underneath. 

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