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Tips for a Femdom beginner

Any Femdom (a female dominant) at the beginning of her being involved in BDSM activities does face some problems which prevent her from getting pleasure of what she is doing. Actually any dominant can have his or her own problems as people differ and have their own psychological peculiarities. However, there are some problems common for any Femdom, such as: fear of not being up to stereotypes, lack of self-confidence and lack of skill in scenario planning.

The information given below will let you know more about these problems and the ways these problems can be solved.


Many femdoms beginners cannot get pleasure of their dominance because of not being up to some stereotypes related to BDSM activity. These are typical thoughts of a woman who has just made her first steps in dominance - “I am supposed to inflict pain on my slave, I am supposed to be called the Mistress, I must wear especial clothing, I must use some certain BDSM toys. But there are some things I don't quite like. Does it mean I am not a true femdom?”

No, it doesn't. Stereotypes are designed specially for destroying them. You must not be up to any stereotypes. You can wear any clothing you want, you can use any BDSM toy you wish, your scenario can involve all your fantasies, no matter whether they are standard or not. And keep in mind - Dominance is not based on inflicting pain. It is based on making your partner react the way you want him to. Different people apply different methods for this purpose - from quite light up to very severe ones. The main thing is that you both should get pleasure, and no one can tell you what you should do.


Diffidence and hesitation are quite characteristic of a femdom beginner. She cannot relax thinking about the way she looks, the way she behaves and of course about whether her slave is pleased with the session. These fears are quite natural, but if not overcome they cannot spoil pleasure of both the femdom and her submissive.

Actually, first of all you should remember that this is you who dominates, that is why this is you who decides everything. Only you can decide how severe you should be, only you can choose BDSM toys you are going to use, only you rule the game because you are the dominant. Do not let hesitation make you weak.

Ways to overcome diffidence

1.Get rid of your hesitations during the sessions.

Let us take an example. Possibly you are not sure enough whether your submissive finds you sexually attractive enough. Do not think about this matter. Instead ask your submissive - Am I a Goddess of sex? He will be glad to say you are. You might hesitate whether to use this or that Femdom toy or accessory. Hesitation does not make you more dominant. Instead say confidently - I know you want me put these cuffs on your ankles! I know you want get a few blows with this whip!

2.Don't let your submissive object to anything

Keep in mind that no submissive can let you know what you should do during the session. He cannot object to using a BDSM toy, he cannot ask you to do something. All problems must be discussed after the session otherwise your D/S relationships lose any sense. Of course make sure you know his hard limits…that is a given, for any Femdom scene.

Improper planning

After you master basic things you might want to enrich your experience. Very often femdoms beginners make mistakes when planning the session by making up too thorough or not enough detailed scenario.

The main advantage of domination is its unpredictable nature. By making a too detailed plan you become dependent on it. For example when facing an unexpected reaction of your partner you might begin thinking you have done something wrong, that your incompetence has made a problem.

The opposite problem is insufficient planning.. You do not prepare anything - neither BDSM toys nor your roles, etc - you are likely to look at your helpless partner trying to guess what you should do next. This will inevitably make you less self-confident. Such things are easy to avoid. Make plans, but let them be not too detailed. Do not limit yourself by a strict order of actions. Instead simply take into account what you are going to do and do this when you would like to.

Article MissBonnie February 2009

diffidence.txt · Last modified: 2024/01/17 02:45 (external edit)