As Nathan stood at the side of the train waiting to board, clouds of cold air and steam drifted into sight at the end of the platform reminding him of an old movie. He raised his coat collar and braced himself against the cold while the riders ahead of him shuffled up the stairs. Finally settling into his seat he drew out the Times from his brief case and relaxed for the hour and half trip to Philadelphia. By the time the train lurched into motion his mind was already wandering. Through the fogged window the illusion of sentimental train journeys of the past returned to him and he began to day dream about his old friend Harry- Harry who had been his patient for 10 years and his best friend for another 15 years- Harry who had died and left him with this final task of friendship, to carry a check for $100,000 to be delivered to Harry’s mistress and long time confidant, Pamela Brown.
As a psychiatrist Nathan Bromberg had seen many patients like Harold Feinstein. Marital issues, feelings of guilt, unrealized aspirations, tyrannical fathers and on and on. It was only slightly unusual for Nathan to hear about his desire to be whipped and humiliated by a strong woman, a woman of sexual mystery wearing seductive lingerie and sporting a horse whip held tightly to her hip. But over the years Nathan came to realize that Harry wasn’t embarrassed about his fantasies and had actually realized them by forming an enduring relationship with a Philadelphia dominatrix he called Dr. Pam. Indeed, most of their psychiatric sessions consisted of Nathan listening thoughtfully to Harry’s intricate explanations of his activities with Dr. Pam. At first Nathan had thought that she was a clinical psychologist who was some kind of sexual surrogate because Harry had been so full of praise for her healing powers.
Gradually it became apparent to Nathan that Harry was really in no need of psychiatric help and was more interested in being able to tell someone about his eccentric lifestyle, spending several days a month away from his wife and children with his mistress in Philly. It was at that point that Nathan told Harry to stop coming to the office and paying for his friendship and start meeting him for drinks or perhaps going to the race track with him on weekends. In that way the two became friends, sharing confidences as friends would normally do. Harry, being 10 years older was naturally sagacious and within a few years it was obvious to both of them that he was the more confident and assured man. Nathan gradually came to see Harry as an older brother type and shared is doubts and worries with him until, by the time that Harry died (of cancer at 65) Nathan was devastated at the loss and was willing and even anxious to carry out the last wishes Harry had mailed to him from his death bed. It was a short list, helping Harry’s wife with a few financial details, finding a decent accountant to help her through the maze of investments Harry had left her; negotiating an endowment at Harry’s alma mater and helping the children (now in their thirties) to cope with his death. Only one of the tasks was out of the ordinary: being the “bag man” for Harry- delivering the money to his mistress while staying beneath his wife’s radar. This would be easy enough and Nathan had no concern about continuing Mildred’s deception. He knew enough about the couple by then to realize that she had no interest whatsoever in knowing about Harry’s sex life (or anyone else’s for that matter).
By the time that Nathan passed the Trenton station he was thinking very hard about what to say to Pamela. He had known that it would be awkward but as the time approached he became more worried about the details of the encounter. The memories of Harry’s sessions with her were particularly vivid in Nathan’s mind. In fact over the years they had invaded his dreams both during the night and during the day. It was at night that they became most intensive. When the two had started the clinical sessions Nathan knew very little about Dominance and Submission, only what he had learned in a single course on abnormal psychology (a course with a text that had long since been discarded). But eventually, after many sessions and years of friendly swapping of lurid details Nathan realized that he was living Harry’s adventurous sex life vicariously through the delicious episodes Harry provided him during conversations which at first seemed nasty and prurient but soon became comfortably familiar- though still, extremely exciting.
As Nathan stood on the sidewalk waiting for a taxi, he searched his pocket for Pamela’s address and within a few minutes was leaning forward and handing the slip of paper to the Pakistani driver. At this point it would be an understatement to say that he was becoming very nervous. It was unsettling for him to realize that Harry’s salacious stories had become his own. The stories had become dreams which had turned into his own fantasies and now a fantasy awaited him that could not be described or anticipated. In a few minutes he would be standing outside Pamela’s door with an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars. What would he say to her?
By the time that Harry had stepped out of the elevator and found himself actually standing outside of her door he was no longer wondering what he would say, but instead, what would she be wearing. He knew that she would be over fifty years old by now and would probably appear nothing like Harry had describer her. Nathan would probably be nothing more than a messenger in her eyes and dismiss him after a polite conversation and a preemptive and brief goodbye- and, of course, that would be fine. He would be relieved to have performed his duty to his old friend.
Standing before her door, Nathan hesitated. He felt a clammy nervous sweat covering his palms and clearing his throat tentatively, he knocked on the door. What he saw was a surprise to his overheated senses. Pamela was not what he expected. At 5 feet 10 inches she was only slightly taller than he and her casual friendliness took him in immediately. “Nate,” she said, “Harry’s wonderful friend. Welcome, welcome and please come in.” In a few moments they were sitting together on her couch chatting amiably. Because Harry had shared so much of his life with Pamela the discussion went as though they were old friends catching up on recent events. Nathan studied her cautiously trying to see what traits might reveal her dark sexual proclivities. She was certainly a woman of stature. She sat erectly and spoke with an easy confidence, her eyes seeming to sense a more distant object suggesting that they found importance in a larger space. You might call them penetrating eyes but they certainly weren’t threatening, they were kind, knowledgeable. Her hair was chestnut and her face very attractive, not young but not pale and lax. Her nose and eyes were her best features, her nose slightly aquiline and perfectly shaped and her eyes brilliantly blue. Her plane black dress was matronly, tasteful and understated but sexy as hell. It was tight enough for Nathan to trace the womanly shape within its confines. He could see that she possessed every feminine principle that deserved respect and devotion. The clammy feeling was returning to his hands when Pamela turned to him and said, “Tea?” and after a silent pause, “Do you drink tea Nate?” Recovering from his reverie Nathan said, “Yes, of course, certainly.” “I hope Oolong is alright.” She picked up a little bell and rung it softly.
It wasn’t that Nathan was surprised to see a maid come into the room. Something about Pamela’s demeanor and the décor of the room made such an accessory to wealth seem natural. The maid was quite ordinary, not a pretty woman but very well dressed or at least somewhat elaborately dressed as though she were wearing a costume – a French maid’s costume to be exact, black with white piping and lace and beneath the hem of her fairly short skirt frilly white crinoline was peaking out. She wore black shear stockings with a black seam down the back, and high heals. Her movements were precise as though serving tea was a much practiced event for her. As she straightened up and left the room Nathan could see that her breasts were a modest size but well formed and jutting forward in a “push up” bra.
Nathan and Pamela continued their conversation and he explained the contents of the envelope. Pamela received the money with no acknowledgement as though talking about money was beneath her and Nathan began to feel like a little kid before this impressive woman. He had been a little distracted by the maid. Even though it seemed quite natural that she should be there, something about her had made Nathan uncomfortable and caused him to lose focus for a while. Pamela noticed his confusion and reached for Nathan placing a comforting hand on his lower arm. “Oh don’t worry about him Nate, he loves to serve me and especially when there is company!” Still confused, Nathan’s face began to color with embarrassment. You’ve just met my husband, Nate. His name is Hyrum but he prefers to be called Suzie. I’m sorry, I thought you knew, but I can see that Harry wanted to play a trick on you.”
Pamela proceeded to explain her relationship with her husband. He had been her client until she decided to feminize him and make him into a permanent servant. “The breasts are quite real Nathan; Suzie has been on female hormones for over ten years. His penis is quite vestigial at this point but I decided to let him keep it because it looks so cute showing its little lump through his panties and sometimes he wears a chastity device (which of course he doesn’t need- but we like the effect it makes, especially when I’m entertaining a lover). Nothing which Pamela said shocked him, he had heard all about such arrangements and even had patients who were cross dressers, trans-gendered and some who were willing cuckolds. What did shock him was that he was actually there in that apartment witnessing a scene of dominance and submission and that he was becoming very excited. At his age an unwanted erection was a rare event but sadly, there he sat quite uncomfortably while a large tent formed in his lap which because of his position and his closeness to Pamela was impossible to conceal.
“I’m afraid I’m not being very kind to you Nate. Please accept my apologies, I really thought you’d know all about my husband and me but I can see that Harry has kept some secrets from you.” Nathan regained his composure, “No, no, not at all. After all, I am a shrink; it’s not like I haven’t seen or at least heard about these things, it’s just that…” After an awkward pause, Pamela filled in his words: “It’s just that….your surprised by how it’s affecting you.” She moved her eyes caressingly to his crotch. “I’m sorry,” she said slyly. “I tend to have that effect on men.” “Some men,” said Nathan cautiously. “Yes, some men, some men like you?”
“Nathan, how long will you be in town? “
“I’m just staying the night, at the Bradbury and then returning to New York in the morning.”
“Would you consider having dinner with me tonight, here, in my apartment?” “I think I would like that very much, Pamela,” Nathan replied timidly. “Well then”, said Pamela, wringing her little bell again, “Suzie will show you out.” At this point Hyrum or Suzie to be more accurate, came into the room quietly and shyly looked at Nate. Suzie face reddened as she realized that Nathan knew her true identity now but quickly recovered as she walked silently over to the door and opened it graciously for Nate. “Shall we say about seven, then.” Nathan answered solemnly, “Yes, of course, I’m looking forward to it.”
As Nathan checked into his hotel he was still nervous from his encounter with Pamela. Why, he asked himself, should he be nervous. There had really been no surprises. Harry may have left out the bit about the husband but Pamela was just the sort of person who could command respect and attention from any man and such relationships were part and parcel among some of his patients. Still he sat back in his chair and fought an almost over whelming desire to go into the bathroom and masturbate. When his wife left him several years ago, he thought that his passion had gone for good. When your wife tells you that you made her into a Lesbian, even a psychiatrist is likely to be crushed emotionally. Of course, Nathan never thought about it like that. He merely accepted her words for what they were, the damaged cry of a confused person. Nevertheless, his desire for a woman had never really come back- at least not like this. What was it that made him react this way? It seemed almost as if he had fallen in love, in love with someone he hardly knew.
Nathan continued to debate with himself but time quickly wore down any remaining resistance. It seemed like an eternity separated him from the 7:00 O’clock assignation with Pamela. He jumped into the shower and washed thoroughly including his hair and especially his private parts, his cock and balls. He remembered from some of Harry’s reminiscences that Pamela was not partial to penetrative sex, but not knowing exactly what to expect he even trimmed his pubic hair to gain a more youthful appearance.
Eventually he found himself standing outside her door where he hesitated for a few moments as a wave of trepidation surprised him with its intensity. Then, steeled with determination he rang the bell at exactly 7:00 O’clock. Time again slowed to a crawl and he was tempted to wring the bell again. A few more minutes passed and he began to feel a plummeting disappointment but still did not ring again. Finally the door opened and Suzie stood there in her costume, her face reddened with humiliation. “Please come in Mr. Bromberg, my mistress would like you to remove you clothes here in the entry.” Nathan’s face immediately drained of color and a feeling of panic spread through his body. Maybe he was in over his head. “Mr. Bromberg? Would you like me to assist you?” “Uh, ah, no, Suzie, I’m ok.” And then as if by magic, Nathan began to disrobe. First his sport coat, then his shirt- slowly at first with a hypnotic pace that gradually eased in to a slow but determined process of undoing buttons and zippers. He handed his clothes to Suzie one piece at a time until he found himself stark naked and exposed completely. Suzie stood before him, his clothes folded cautiously over her arm. “And socks sir?” Hopping on one foot Nathan removed one sock and then the other and Suzie disappeared down the hall with every piece of clothing Nathan had been wearing along with his watch and his wallet.
Again time seemed to fall into a gloomy chasm as Nathan stood there quietly in the lowly lit entry way waiting and waiting. He was sure now, that he had made a huge mistake in coming to Philly, certainly in doing anything more than delivering the envelope and fulfilling his duty to his friend. Suddenly Pamela appeared from the living area dressed in a simple black evening dress, a perfect string of pearls clung to her neck dipping between her breast tops accentuating their fullness. Her dress was not particularly short but it was definitely above the knees, revealing her very nicely shaped legs. Her high heals were moderate (only three or four inches high) but high enough that her eyes looked downward at Nathan’s. Her makeup was perfectly done, so perfect that Nathan saw nothing other than each of her beautiful features in perfect proportion- any indication of her age had been completely erased and Nathan gazed at her in rapt attention- even forgetting for a brief moment that he was standing there naked. An easy smile crossed her face as she gently lifted a wave of lustrous chestnut colored hair away from her cheek and spoke to Nathan. “You have no idea how pleased I am that you have chosen to join me tonight. Suzie will have dinner ready in twenty minutes, would you care for a drink- let’s see, whisky and soda, am I right?” Nathan responded with a grunt that should have been a sentence. Another smile arose from Pamela and a look of passionate understanding that went to his core.
And so, a bell was wrung, drinks were forthcoming and by now Suzie had settled into an efficient routine of cooking and serving that removed any embarrassment that may otherwise have lingered in her mind. Nathan saw that now Suzie’s face was happy and content as she bent solicitously to her task of serving drinks. Pamela settled alluringly into a plush easy chair that dominated the living area and looked questioningly at Nathan. “Would you be comfortable on the floor?” Nathan was confused. What was happening? Another surge of panic jumped in his heart, but before it could spread through his body he found himself bending at the knee and lowering himself onto the thick carpet beneath his bare feet. “Come a little closer dear.” Nathan knee-walked to within a few inches of Pamela’s nylon clad legs and remained there as a shiver of nakedness dashed across his skin. “I believe your nipples are erect, do you know that Nate?” The enigmatic smile returned to his luscious red lips. Reaching down to Nate, Pamela took his left nipple in her hand a squeezed it gently. Then brushing it with the smooth skin of the back of her hand she did the same to the other nipple, increasing the tension between her thumb and forefinger and giving it a playful twist.
Dinner was not what Nathan had expected it to be. Pamela consumed a savory Salmon dish with pesto pasta and the better part of a bottle of Chianti Classico. Nathan, on the other hand remained on the floor beside her chair at the table eating bits of food which she provide him from her plate- deposited in his bowl and drank clear water with no ice from a tumbler. It would difficult to adequately describe his thoughts at this point. Perhaps it would be more realistic to say that he indeed possessed no thoughts at all. Alternately on all fours and on his knees he remained for the duration of the evening, his penis so taughtly erect and perfectly in agreement with the sexual tension that pervaded every part of his body. Between bits of food he managed to place in his mouth and the sips of water required by his dry mouth, he obsessively glanced at the tip of his penis to make sure that he was able to catch any drops of pre-cum that were accumulating and trying to drip onto Pamela’s expensive carpet.
There was nothing about that first evening with his new mistress which Nathan was ever likely to forget. Sitting on the train the following day, he remained in a happy trance. A sea change had occurred in his life and a world of happiness and anticipation had blossomed within him that nothing could erase. Suddenly the train jerked forward and Nathan fell wistfully back into his seat, still somewhat numb with sexual exhaustion. No, he had not had sex with Pamela. She had told him not to ever expect that. She would expect him to service her orally and if his talents were appropriate there would be other options as well.
The train reached speed and settled into a swaying rhythm punctuated with the familiar clack of wheels on rails. Nathan reached his hand to his mustache and brushed by his nose as if to relieve an itch. A glorious scent escaped from his skin and whiskers. A look of comfort and certainty crossed his face. The memory was fresh in his mind. Crawling between her legs as she relaxed in her chair after dinner he kissed her upper thighs between the tops of her stockings and the musky softness of her mound. His tongue explored her labia carefully and lifted the veil that covered her clitoris. He could barely contain his excitement as he fastened his lips on the pungent nub and began to lick and suck it worshipfully. He almost didn’t realize the first flick of her crop as it sliced across his buttocks. Another spark flashed across his cheeks got his attention but didn’t cause him to lose his concentration. He continued sucking and licking with even more energy as the punishment mounted. He was flooded with surprised and awe as he felt the pain as something different. It was pleasure, painful pleasure, exciting and full of energy. It fueled his mouth and ran is tongue like a dynamo. Pamela’s response was ecstatic. Her pleasure far exceeded anything he had ever witnessed- building from a gentle entirely feminine passivity gradually to a wonton release. It was the architecture of desire- her soaring ecstasy embraced and supported by the strength of his suffering and pain. But the secret he thought to himself, this foggy morning, resting comfortably on the train ride back to New York, the secret was… that pain was pleasure, a greater pleasure, more potent, more meaningful than any pleasure he had ever known. And pleasing Pamela had become his only goal and hopefully would always be his only goal.