Exploring Femdom Online Play: A Guide to Cyber D/s Dynamics

Introduction to Femdom and D/s Online Play

Femdom, short for Female Domination, and D/s, which stands for Dominance and submission, are compelling facets of the BDSM community. These dynamics revolve around power exchange, where one individual assumes a dominant role, exerting control and authority, while the other adopts a submissive role, yielding to the dominant’s power. In the realm of online play, these dynamics take on unique characteristics and appeal, distinct from traditional, in-person BDSM interactions.

The rise of the internet has revolutionized how individuals explore and engage in Femdom and D/s relationships but it has also increased the scams, fakers and those out to rape your wallet. Online platforms provide a safe and accessible space for people to connect, communicate, and experiment with these dynamics, regardless of geographical constraints. Unlike face-to-face interactions, online play emphasizes psychological engagement and imaginative role-play. Participants often use text, voice, or video communication to establish and maintain their roles, creating immersive experiences that rely heavily on mental and emotional stimulation.

Never visited a chatroom: Our chatroom’s provide a safe(r) environment that caters to text, voice, or video communication

The appeal of engaging in Femdom online is multifaceted. For some, the anonymity afforded by the internet allows for greater freedom and expression. Enabling them to explore desires and identities that they may feel uncomfortable revealing in their everyday lives. Additionally, the lack of physical presence can enhance the intensity of the psychological power exchange, as the focus shifts to verbal commands, written instructions, and the submissive’s compliance.

Furthermore, online platforms offer a wealth of resources and communities for those interested in Femdom and D/s dynamics. These include communities like CollarNcuiffs.com, forums, chat rooms, and educational websites where individuals can learn, share experiences, and seek advice from others with similar interests. The digital landscape thus fosters a supportive environment for both newcomers and seasoned practitioners to deepen their understanding and enjoyment of these power exchange relationships.

In essence, the world of online play opens up new avenues for exploration and connection, allowing individuals to engage in these dynamics in innovative and fulfilling ways. Whether seeking to expand knowledge or embark on a new journey of self-discovery, the online realm offers a rich and diverse landscape for the practice of Femdom and D/s relationships.

How Femdom and D/s are Conducted Online

Femdom and D/s (Dominance/submission) dynamics have found a significant presence online, leveraging various technological platforms to facilitate interactions. The primary methods include text-based communication, voice interactions, and video engagements, each offering unique ways to explore power exchange and maintain a dynamic relationship.

Text-based communication remains one of the most prevalent means of conducting online Femdom and D/s play. Utilizing chatrooms such as CollarNcuffs, messaging apps, and dedicated BDSM websites like this one, individuals can engage in detailed conversations that explore submission, obedience, and control. Platforms such as Discord, kik, slack, rocket and telegram also provide spaces where users can join specific groups or one-on-one chats. Fostering an environment that supports both casual and in-depth exchanges.

Although saying the above, if you met here on CollarNcuffs.com and you are asked to move to another platform quickly in the beginnings of the relations as they teased promises of play but nothing “serious” happened or hadn’t discussed how thing would work going forward . Question WHY? (With your big head Gentlemen because sorry but this mostly happens with men). Most scammers will direct you to other sites to avoid detection for solicitation. They do so because where they take you, doesn’t have records that can be called on legally. Please report if do think a person is soliciting for cash, items or information. If its happening quickly, its not real. Men and Women “rarely” jump into play within hours of meeting. Scammers do, because time is money! and that is what they want.

Voice interactions add another layer to the online D/s experience, offering a more personal and immediate connection. Through applications like Skype, Zoom, and specialized BDSM voice platforms, participants can engage in real-time conversations that emphasize tone, inflection, and immediacy, which are crucial aspects of dominance and submission dynamics. Voice commands, affirmations, and discipline can be effectively communicated, enhancing the immersive experience.

CollarNcuffs.com also offer voice chat in a a public chat (please you public Dungeon if you wish others to read along) and also in private. Once you have a good report with your partner then (and only then) do we suggest moving to other applications such as skype or Zoom. Doing so will insure you are not wearing a target. Doing so removes RISK.

Video interactions take online Femdom and D/s play to another level, providing a visual and auditory dimension that closely replicates in-person sessions. Using video conferencing tools, dominants and submissives can engage in live sessions where visual cues and body language play a significant role. This method allows for a more comprehensive expression of control and submission, as both parties can see and respond to each other’s physical presence and actions.

Regardless of the medium, setting clear boundaries and establishing consent are paramount in online Femdom and D/s dynamics. It is essential to have open and honest communication before any play begins, discussing limits, safe words, and the nature of the relationship. Ensuring mutual respect and understanding helps create a safe and consensual environment where both dominants and submissives can explore their roles fully and securely.

If you are offered only one way Cam. Use your head and question why? Questioning is what will keep you safe(r) Granted a woman may want time to look her best. This reason is understandable. But you may also be Camming with a man or a person with a fake profile. Or a person whose intentions are scam or blackmail you.
A broken cam can also be a thing, we all have mishaps but cams are cheap to replace. Simple solution DO NOT play until that other cam can be replaced. Multiple reasons are given for not being able to cam. Some are correct but most are manufactured reasons. No Cam to Cam back away! Why should you be the only one putting yourself out there? Danger Danger Will Robin…ok you get the idea!
danger danger
(Sorry, I expanded on the metaphor just because I wanted to work this gif in from Lost in Space! 🤖 🚀 😂)

Essential Tools and Equipment for Online Play

Engaging in online Femdom and D/s play necessitates a few essential tools and equipment to ensure a seamless and immersive experience. Firstly, a reliable internet connection is paramount, as any interruptions or lag can disrupt the flow and diminish the intensity of the interaction. Whether it is a high-speed broadband connection or a robust mobile data plan, stability and speed are crucial.

A computer or smartphone serves as the primary device for these online interactions. Modern devices offer a range of functionalities that can enhance the experience, such as high-resolution screens, advanced audio capabilities, and compatibility with various apps and platforms. While a smartphone provides the convenience of mobility, a computer may offer a more expansive view and better multitasking capabilities.

Various apps and platforms are instrumental in facilitating online Femdom and D/s play. Video conferencing tools like Zoom, Skype, or dedicated BDSM platforms offer features such as screen sharing, private messaging, and virtual backgrounds, which can add layers of complexity and richness to the dynamics. Messaging apps like Telegram or Signal can be used for instant communication, allowing for real-time commands and responses.

For an enhanced experience, optional tools like webcams and microphones can significantly contribute to the realism and intimacy of the interaction. A high-quality webcam ensures clear video, which is essential for visual cues and expressions that play a critical role in D/s dynamics. An external microphone can capture voice nuances more accurately, adding to the authenticity of the commands and responses.

Here at CollarNcuffs we have a voice feature to our chat. A simple safety check you can do. Ask your potential partner to leave you a message! Rarely does a PC or mobile phone NOT have a microphone. Even most headphone and ear buds now have built in audio functions. Granted maybe due to circumstance or location that cannot achieved at the time but this simple request cannot be avoided 24/7 EVERYBODY can do this, at some time that suits and often relatively quickly in a short time frame. Someone pretending to be what they are not, will struggle with this.

Other accessories, like Bluetooth-controlled devices, can also be integrated to create a more tactile experience. These devices can be remotely operated, allowing the dominant to exert control over the submissive’s sensations, thereby bridging the physical distance. Such tools can be synchronized with the online session, adding an extra dimension to the power exchange.

In conclusion, having the right tools and equipment is vital for effective online Femdom and D/s play. By leveraging the technology available, participants can create a compelling and immersive experience that transcends the limitations of physical distance.

Cam Play: Bringing Visual Elements to Online D/s

Cam play offers a unique opportunity to enhance the dynamics of dominance and submission (D/s) by incorporating visual elements into online interactions. Utilizing webcams can create a more immersive experience, allowing both parties to observe and respond to each other’s physical cues and actions in real-time. Setting up a cam play session involves several steps to ensure both technical readiness and the maintenance of D/s dynamics.

To begin, ensure your webcam is properly set up and positioned. Good lighting is crucial; natural light or soft artificial light can help illuminate your face and surroundings without casting harsh shadows. Position the camera at eye level to create a more intimate and direct line of sight. Test the video quality and internet connection beforehand to avoid disruptions during the session.

During the cam play session, various activities can be performed to reinforce the D/s dynamics. These can include visual affirmations of commands, physical demonstrations of tasks, or simply maintaining eye contact to convey authority and submission. The visual component adds a layer of accountability, as the submissive can see the Dominant’s reactions and adjust their behavior accordingly.

Maintaining the dynamics of dominance and submission through visual interaction requires clear communication and established protocols. The Dominant should provide explicit instructions, and the submissive should respond visibly and audibly to confirm understanding and compliance. Establishing safe words and gestures is essential to ensure the session remains consensual and safe for both parties.

Privacy and security are paramount when engaging in cam play. Use secure platforms with end-to-end encryption to minimize the risk of unauthorized access. At CollarNcuffs we do have cam features but these are often turned off unless requested. Avoid sharing personal information and be cautious about what is visible in the background of your webcam. Consider using a virtual background or blurring tools if necessary to protect your privacy.

By carefully setting up your cam play environment and adhering to these guidelines, you can create a visually engaging and secure online D/s experience that enhances the connection between the Dominant and submissive.

Voice play, an integral facet of cyber D/s dynamics, leverages the power of sound to convey dominance and submission. Unlike text-based communication, voice play adds a layer of intimacy and immediacy, often heightening the emotional experience. Various platforms are suitable for voice play, including dedicated BDSM communication tools like CollarNcuffs although as you progress, you may want to move to mainstream applications like Skype or Discord, and encrypted messaging services that offer voice call options once you are sure the other person can be trusted. If you are asked to move these platforms before you’ve played in our chatrooms. We suggest you fill out a report. This may very well a scammer. Filing a report CollarNcuffs will investigate for you.

Effective communication in voice play hinges on several techniques. The dominant’s tone, inflection, and cadence can significantly impact the submissive’s experience. A commanding yet calm voice can establish authority, while subtle changes in pitch and volume can convey nuances of the scene. Similarly, the submissive’s responses, including vocal affirmations or expressions of vulnerability, contribute to the dynamic interplay. Clarity is crucial; both parties must articulate their needs and boundaries clearly to ensure a safe and consensual experience.

Creating a compelling scene using only audio requires imagination and descriptive language. The dominant can paint vivid scenarios, guiding the submissive through mental imagery that evokes physical sensations. Descriptive storytelling, combined with strategic pauses and varied vocal tones, can immerse the submissive in the experience. Sound effects, whether through background noises or deliberate use of silence, can also enhance the scene’s realism and intensity.

The psychological impact of voice play is profound. The human voice carries emotional weight, capable of evoking a range of responses from comfort to arousal. For submissives, hearing their dominant’s voice can foster a deep sense of connection and trust. This auditory intimacy can lead to heightened submissive states, reinforcing the power dynamics at play. For dominants, the act of guiding and controlling through voice commands can intensify their sense of authority and presence, even in a cyber setting.

Voice play, when executed thoughtfully, can deepen the D/s connection, offering a rich, multifaceted experience that transcends the limitations of text. By mastering the art of audio communication, participants can explore new dimensions of their dynamic, enriching their overall interaction.

Text Play: Crafting Dominance and Submission through Words

Text play, a central element of cyber D/s dynamics, leverages written communication to create immersive and compelling scenes of dominance and submission. This form of interaction can be carried out through various platforms such as messaging apps, chatrooms, and email, each offering unique advantages for expressing power dynamics.

Crafting detailed and vivid scenes through text requires a strong command of descriptive language. The use of evocative words and phrases can paint a clear picture of the scene, making the interaction feel more real and engaging. For instance, instead of simply stating actions, describing the sensations, emotions, and reactions can heighten the intensity of the scene. Phrases like “As your body tenses with anticipation,” or “A shiver runs down your spine as I command,” can transform a simple interaction into a deeply immersive experience.

Maintaining the flow and intensity of text-based play is crucial. Consistent and timely responses help sustain the dynamic and keep both parties engaged. It’s beneficial to establish a rhythm that mirrors the natural ebb and flow of in-person D/s interactions. This can be achieved by varying the pace of communication and incorporating pauses that build anticipation and excitement.

While text play offers significant advantages, such as the ability to engage from any location and the opportunity for thoughtful and deliberate communication, it also presents challenges. The absence of physical cues can lead to misunderstandings, and the reliance on written words demands a higher level of creativity and effort to maintain the connection. It’s important to be clear and explicit in your descriptions and to check in regularly to ensure both parties are comfortable and on the same page.

In summary, mastering or should that be Mistress ‘ing text play in cyber D/s dynamics involves a blend of descriptive language, consistent flow, and clear communication. By focusing on these elements, participants can create rich and compelling scenes that capture the essence of dominance and submission, even from a distance.

Guidance for Submissive Males: What to Say and Do

Engaging in online Femdom play requires a delicate balance of communication, respect, and attentiveness. For submissive males, navigating this dynamic involves understanding both the explicit and implicit expectations of a Domme. Clear and respectful communication is paramount. Start by expressing your desires and limits openly, ensuring that both parties are comfortable and on the same page. Articulating your boundaries not only fosters a safe environment but also demonstrates your commitment to mutual respect.

When responding to a Domme’s commands, patience and attentiveness are essential. Listen carefully and follow instructions precisely, as this showcases your dedication to the dynamic. Respond promptly but thoughtfully, acknowledging the authority and control of the Domme. Phrases like “Yes, Mistress” or “As you wish, Domme” can convey your submission and willingness to please. Always maintain a respectful tone, avoiding any language that could be perceived as dismissive or insubordinate.

In online Femdom play, demonstrating submission can be more challenging due to the lack of physical presence. However, there are still effective ways to convey your eagerness to please. Regularly check in with your Domme to ask if there is anything more you can do to serve or improve. This proactive approach shows your dedication and attentiveness, reinforcing the power dynamic. Additionally, sharing your reflections and feelings about the sessions can deepen the connection and provide valuable feedback for both parties.

Respect is the cornerstone of any D/s relationship. Address your Domme with the appropriate titles and honorifics, acknowledging their authority. Ask what she wishes to be called. NEVER assume she wishes to be Goddess or Mistress.. Be mindful of their time and energy, understanding that they may have other commitments. Patience is crucial; avoid pressing for immediate responses or demanding attention, as this can disrupt the dynamic. Instead, demonstrate your patience and willingness to wait, reinforcing your submissive role.

By integrating these practices into your online interactions, you can effectively navigate your role as a submissive male in Femdom play. Remember that each dynamic is unique, and ongoing communication is key to maintaining a respectful, fulfilling relationship.

Guidance for Dommes: What to Say and Do

For Dommes engaging in online Femdom play, asserting dominance while leading a submissive male requires a blend of authoritative presence and empathetic understanding. Clear communication forms the backbone of any successful cyber D/s dynamic. It is essential to establish explicit boundaries and expectations from the outset to ensure both parties are comfortable and consensual in their interactions.

Creating commands and setting scenes are pivotal aspects of asserting dominance. Commands should be precise, confident, and tailored to the submissive’s capabilities and limits. For instance, starting with simple, direct instructions such as “kneel” or “address me as Mistress” (or the title you choose for yourself) can help establish a dominant-submissive rapport. As trust builds, more complex scenarios and tasks can be introduced, enhancing the depth of the dynamic. Just remember to do this in private chats. Our Lounge area of CollarNcuffs chat is for social interaction. Of course if you wish to play publicly, our Dungeon room is the perfect place!

Setting scenes involves crafting a vivid, immersive experience through descriptive language. This can include detailing the environment, the Domme’s appearance, and the submissive’s role within the scenario. For example, a Domme might describe a dimly lit room where the submissive is instructed to wait on their knees, anticipating further orders. Such details can heighten the emotional and psychological engagement of the submissive, reinforcing the power dynamic.

Maintaining control throughout the interaction is crucial. This involves not only issuing commands but also responding to the submissive’s actions and feedback. A Domme should be observant, recognizing when to push limits and when to offer reassurance. Balance firmness with care by acknowledging the submissive’s efforts and providing positive reinforcement where appropriate. Phrases like “good boy” or “well done” can affirm the submissive’s obedience and dedication.

Ensuring the submissive’s comfort and consent is paramount. Regular check-ins and the use of safe words or signals can help monitor the submissive’s state of mind and physical well-being. This ongoing dialogue fosters a safe and respectful online play environment, allowing both parties to explore their roles fully.

Ultimately, the dynamic between a Domme and a submissive is a delicate balance of authority and empathy. By combining clear communication, scene-setting, and attentive control, Dommes can create a fulfilling and consensual online Femdom experience for their submissives.

Finding Play Partners Online

Finding play partners online for Femdom and D/s activities has become increasingly accessible through various platforms tailored to BDSM communities. These platforms provide a safe space for individuals to explore their interests and connect with like-minded people. One of the most effective ways to start is by joining online BDSM communities such as FetLife or CollarNcuffs. These platforms often have groups and forums dedicated to different aspects of Femdom and D/s dynamics, enabling users to engage in discussions, share experiences, and potentially find play partners.

At CollarNcuffs we even offer free E learning programs to help you find your Domme

Social media platforms also offer opportunities to find potential play partners. Twitter, Instagram, and Reddit have thriving BDSM communities where users can follow hashtags related to Femdom and engage with others through comments and direct messages. Participating in these communities requires discretion and respect for privacy, as not everyone may be open about their interests. When using social media, it is essential to be mindful of each platform’s guidelines and the personal boundaries of others.

Dedicated dating sites and apps, such as Alt.com and Kinkoo, specifically cater to individuals seeking BDSM relationships. These platforms allow users to create detailed profiles that highlight their interests, experience levels, and preferences. When creating a profile, it is crucial to be honest and clear about your desires and boundaries. A compelling profile should include a well-written bio, recent photos, and a thorough description of what you are looking for in a play partner.

Initiating conversations with potential partners requires a balance of confidence and respect. Start by reading their profiles carefully and referencing common interests in your initial message. Asking open-ended questions can help foster meaningful dialogue and demonstrate genuine interest. Building trust is paramount in any BDSM relationship, especially in an online setting. Take the time to communicate openly, establish boundaries, and discuss consent before engaging in any activities.

Mutual respect and understanding are the cornerstones of successful online Femdom and D/s dynamics. Both parties should feel comfortable expressing their needs and concerns throughout the relationship. By adhering to these principles, individuals can safely explore their interests and build fulfilling connections in the world of online Femdom play.

Enhancing Your Chances of Finding Play Partners

Finding suitable play partners in the realm of Femdom online play requires a strategic approach. The journey begins with effective self-presentation. Cultivate a profile that accurately represents your interests, limits, and experience level. Use clear, respectful language and ensure your profile picture is appropriate and reflective of your personality. Authenticity is crucial; presenting yourself honestly will attract like-minded individuals who are genuinely compatible with your preferences.

Communication skills are integral to establishing connections. Initiate conversations with a respectful tone, and actively listen to potential partners. Asking open-ended questions can stimulate meaningful discussions and help identify shared interests. Pay attention to the nuances of online communication, such as tone and context, which are crucial in conveying your intentions clearly.

Building a reputation within the BDSM community can significantly enhance your chances of finding play partners. Engage actively in forums and discussion groups. Share your knowledge and experiences, and offer support to others. This participation not only showcases your commitment to the community but also allows you to connect with potential partners on a deeper level. Regularly attending virtual events, such as webinars and online munches, can provide opportunities to network and develop relationships with fellow practitioners.

Networking is another effective strategy. Connecting with other practitioners can lead to introductions to potential play partners. Foster these relationships by being supportive, respectful, and reliable. Over time, your network will grow, increasing your visibility and chances of finding compatible partners.

Patience and persistence are essential virtues in this search. Finding the right partner may take time, but maintaining a positive and proactive approach will eventually yield results. Authenticity remains the cornerstone of this process; being true to yourself will naturally attract partners who are aligned with your desires and boundaries.

Ultimately, enhancing your chances of finding play partners in the Femdom online play scene involves a combination of strategic self-presentation, effective communication, active community participation, and a network-building approach. Embrace these practices with patience and authenticity to foster meaningful connections and enriching experiences.

Gentlemen if your still having issues finding play partners maybe look at our free E learning programs

Staying Safe While Engaging in Online Femdom Play

Ensuring safety in the realm of online Femdom play is of utmost importance. As with any Femdom or BDSM activity, it is crucial to protect personal information. Avoid sharing sensitive details such as your real name, address, or financial information unless you have established a high level of trust with your partner. Utilizing secure platforms that prioritize user privacy and data protection can significantly reduce risks. Opt for websites and applications with good reputations and robust security measures and always remember no site is 100% even governments and banks get hacked!

The establishment of safe words and signals is fundamental in online Femdom activities. These tools facilitate clear communication and help set boundaries, ensuring that all interactions remain consensual. Safe words, typically unusual and unrelated to the play, act as a signal to pause or stop the session immediately. Additionally, developing a clear set of signals for non-verbal communication can enhance the mutual understanding between partners.

Ongoing communication and aftercare is essential in maintaining a healthy and safe dynamic. Regular check-ins and discussions about limits, expectations, and experiences can foster trust and understanding. Both parties should feel comfortable expressing their needs and concerns. It is important to remember that boundaries can change, and continuous dialogue helps adapt to these changes.

Recognizing red flags in potential partners can prevent harmful situations. Be wary of individuals who disregard your boundaries, pressure you into uncomfortable activities, or exhibit manipulative behavior. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being. If something feels off, it is better to step back and reassess the situation. If your primary goal is moving from online to face to face maybe vet the person FIRST

Respecting boundaries is a cornerstone of any BDSM practice, including online Femdom play. Both Dommes and subs must honor each other’s limits and preferences. Mutual respect not only enhances the experience but also cultivates a safe and enjoyable environment.

By following these guidelines, individuals can engage in online Femdom play responsibly, prioritizing their safety and well-being while exploring this dynamic and fulfilling practice.

Resource Article : MissBonnie 2024-25

other resources not listed through out this article:

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Meeting Cyber Dommes

So you want to meet a Domme! You want to be collared either real-time or cyber collared, Or if your honest you just want a little cyber playtime 

So you want to meet a Domme in the chatroom, but you’ve gone in and you’ve got no attention, you haven’t been dragged off to cyber heaven by the Domme of your dreams.

I’ve written this page for a few reasons;

  • 1 You’re going to find it useful
  • 2 The advice contained within it should help stop you looking like an idiot.
  • 3 A slightly more selfish reason…I’m slightly sick of chatroom behavior and being asked the same questions.

If you have arrived at this URL address chances are your either starting out, or you’ve bombed out on your cyber partner hunt, and your searching for answers or help. Or the other reason is… you’ve been pointed in this direction either nicely or quiet abruptly from a fellow chartroom user.

My logical guess is you keep striking out, so you’ve now found you’re self here reading my page – I have no way of knowing. Consequently, don’t take it that personally – I don’t know who you are, or the circumstances under which you’ve arrived here. The chances are however that you are in danger of making yourself look stupid, or that you’re pestering women in a chat room, so please spend the few moments it takes to read this page – it will be worth it.

Before we move onto the information itself, lets make one thing perfectly crystal clear: I’m NOT looking for male submissives anyway, so it’s a total waste of both your time and mine, ok? Well, having got that little, (but important) point out of the way, lets move on, shall we. The following are a list of things that you might want to keep in mind if you want to achieve your goal.

There are lots of male submissives.

You are not the only male submissive in the world, just because you are submissive and she is Domme doesn‘t mean she is interested. In fact, within the BDSM scene you’re just about the lowest of the low. Sorry if that sounds depressing, but it’s the truth, and you might as well hear it from me in a ‘semi’ polite form, instead of from someone else in a chatroom who is rather less than polite. Simply coming into a chat room and telling people that you’re a male submissive isn’t going to mean a thing. Quite frankly, we don’t care. Worse still is telling people that you’re a male submissive, and which lucky mistress would like you as their slave. We will NOT be interested. Most likely we already have a submissive or stable of submissives, and we’re probably not looking for another one. So, to really hammer the point home: THIS APPROACH WILL NOT WORK! YOU are wasting time and effort. If a Domme does pay attention after this approach, chances are you about to serve a Male !!! Think about it ?if this is ok with you, then by all means stop reading and continue on with your quest for self ‘serving’ Femdom.

There are not that many Dommes.

Ohhhhhh was that your little subbie heart shattering?….my apologies’ I maybe should of worded that a tad softer. Don’t despair I do have answers:

The BDSM pecking order goes a bit like this – at the top of the heap are female submissives. They are rare, delightful creatures, few and far between. Next down come Dommes. You don’t tend to get an awful lot of those either. Next in the order are Doms. There are quite a lot of them, believe me. Finally we get to the largest group of all, the male submissive. Consequently, don’t treat all Dommes as the same. If you’ve read this far, you may be a tad pissed off with me generalizing and calling you a male submissive. Just think how much more annoying it is for a Domme to exist in your mind as nothing more than a woman who may want a submissive. You are denying her everything about her, except her sex and the fact that she can tell you what to do. Believe me, this is a really bad idea – the level of interest in you will be zero, zilch nada. If it’s not zero it’s almost certainly because she thinks you’re a joke. (Of course, it’s entirely possible that’s what you get off on, but we’ll assume that you do actually want a Domme for all the right reasons, ok?)

Dommes do not like to be pestered.

In fact, no-one likes to be pestered. In fact, no-one likes people who whine. Gawd knows that we see enough male submissives who do. Ensure that you do not fall into that category. Actually, it’s probably too late, because that’s one of the reasons that someone may have pointed out this web page to you. So make sure you stop that behaviour right now!

Female submissives are not Dommes in disguise.

You may be tempted to talk to a female submissive in the hopes of persuading her that actually, she’s really a Domme and hasn’t met the right submissive male yet. Trust me when I tell you that every female sub has heard every line, at least ten times. THIS WILL NOT WORK! A female sub doesn’t have to be anything other than a female submissive – in terms of rarity value they’re at the top as it is. Believe me – if a female submissive wanted to be a Domme, she’d be one. Trying to persuade her that she is will do nothing except annoy her. It’s a really bad idea to annoy a female submissive; they have ways and means that are beyond the understanding of anyone else, and their revenge will be nothing you’d want to experience. By all means talk to them – hell, talk to all of us! But please don’t try and get her to Domme you. Female submissives in our chatrooms here, on Collarncuffs… are here to serve Dommes, they serve or wish to serve a Female Dominant just the same as you….Remember how you feel when approaching a female sub, they are actually just like you, only a different sex.

The positive steps you should take.

Be polite when entering a chat.

This is of course always good manners for anyone. Politeness is a virtue, good manners go a long way, just as they do in real life. Do not barge into a chat and tell everyone your sex, age, location and your particular fetish. We don’t care. If we take any notice of this at all it’s going to be ‘oh, it’s an idiot. Ignore them’. which is just what you don’t want to happen. You will find that you get on a lot better if you come in, say ‘hi’, and perhaps explain that you’re new to the room. DO NOT IMMEDIATELY START PM’ING DOMMES OR FEMALE SOUNDING NAMES. They won’t be interested, and chances are you might just be chatting up a femmed Male submissive who chooses to use a female nickname, or a ‘lesbian’ female sub. Both who have no interest in you at all. It is much better to sit quietly for a while, listening to conversations and getting to know people individually first, and allowing them to get to know you. Some Dommes will also insist you ask publicly to PM before chatting…heed this advice!! If you wish to get any where.

Demonstrate why you’re different.

Before looking for a Domme, you need to decide for yourself what makes you different. If you’ve taken the trouble to sit in a chat and slowly get involved with it, at some point, someone will ask you about yourself. This is a key moment in your search for a Domme, so use it wisely, even if it‘s another submissive asking question…Dommes present will listen intently if interested. Here are some of the classic errors that are made at this point:

  • Submissive error I’m very submissive.Domme thoughts Big deal so are all submissives.
  • Submissive error I do exactly what I’m told.Domme thoughts Well yes.. and? This one is desperate!
  • Submissive error I’ll do anything for the right Mistress.Domme thoughts Well yes.. and again? This one is desperate!
  • Submissive error I have a tongue that can go for hours Domme thoughts Well why don’t you conserve it, and shut the fuck up!
  • Submissive error I’m excellent at pleasuring my Mistress Domme thoughts Oh, ok… he’s desperate for a fuck.
  • Submissive error I’m rich with my own Penthouse suite.Domme thoughts He’s a desperate liar.
  • Submissive error I’m available for the right Domme! Domme thoughts Totally clueless and arrogant.
  • Submissive error I’m 23, very fit and highly intelligent.Domme thoughts even more totally clueless and arrogant
  • Submissive error I’m looking for a Domme!Domme thoughts You’re a male sub, of course you are…

None of those approaches will work. We see it every night. What makes much more sense is to assume that we know you’re submissive, that you’ll do as you’re told and all that jazz. So don’t tell us, move swiftly onto something about you that’s interesting. What hobbies do you have? What skills have you got? What makes you an interesting human being? The fact that you’re a sub isn’t interesting. We know that already. There are very interesting male submissives – I know lots of them, as do the rest of us. But they are interesting because they are people who happen to be submissive. Do you see the difference? I really hope so!

Tell us why you’re different and leave it.

Don’t continue whittering on about it. If people are interested, they’ll ask you about it. If they do, congratulations, you’ve moved onto the next stage in your search. FINDING A DOMME IS A LONG TERM PROCESS – IT WILL NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT. If you come into a chat room expecting to find a Domme who will come around and visit you the same evening or the next day to beat you senseless, just leave the room right now and go to yahoo_bdsm_stupidly_optimistic_room_101 After all – why should a Domme want to? She’s probably already got a sub she can phone up and say ‘come over here now, I am in horny mood to beat you’. So just leave it. Don’t push it, and don’t go expect anything to happen now, tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or this week. Or probably this month. I’m really sorry – I know that you’re desperate – it’s clear for all to see, and there’s nothing that is more off-putting than a desperate submissive. It’s not pretty and it’s not attractive.

Visit the chatroom again. And again.

But visit it as a PERSON. Do not visit as a male submissive desperate for a Domme. We’ll just get totally pissed off with you. However, if you are interesting and a fun person to chat to, you’ll be warmly welcomed. Do this for long enough, and at some point a Domme will turn her eye towards you. (Probably both eyes in fact. If she does just turn one eye towards you, you may have reason to be slightly concerned). And when you visit, come to the chatroom to meet people. Don’t come with the express requirement to meet the Domme of your dreams. She probably doesn’t exist, and if she does, she’s the one who is married, or has a full stable… ok? Treat all of us Dommes, submissives just like normal real life people because you know what? That’s exactly what we are. No-one likes being put in a pigeon hole. You don’t like me thinking of you as ‘just another male submissive’, and quite frankly, I don’t blame you. If you don’t like it, why would we want to be pigeon holed either?

When a Domme talks to you.

Obviously be polite. We all like politeness. Dommes usually insist on it. However, don’t grovel, since we don’t like that. Save the kissing my ass for when you ask you too. Most Dommes don’t like grovelling. Remember, that she is talking to you because she finds you interesting – the fact that you’re a submissive is taken for granted, so you need to make sure that you think in those terms as well. Do not immediately launch into a sales pitch about how you’re the best sub she’ll ever meet blah blah (see I just tuned out). She won’t believe you and she’ll lose interest within seconds. Of course, if she asks what you like doing as a submissive, tell her! DO NOT SAY ‘ANYTHING YOU WANT MISTRESS’. This immediately puts you into the category of sad desperate loser, or just a wank chaser. Tell her what you do like doing, and what you don’t like doing. Be clear about this, since she’s going to find out at some point, and you might as well be up front about it – it’ll save your time and hers Miss Right is better than Miss Rightnow.

What to do if a Domme expresses an interest.

Your on your own now after all your domme must be interested in you to of allowed you this far

Resource Article : MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com

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