Tag: How to be a Femdom

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Inner Mistress or Domme

its actually really hard being a fledgling Dominant.

How do you get the wisdom, trust worthy reputation experience to find the Love of your Life (or – in the meantime – someone wonderful to play with)?

Anyone got good ideas for our newer list members?

Some ideas picked up along the way (and by no means exhaustive)

1 thyself.

  • Have a long hard think about if and why you identify as Dominant. do you love it? you don’t really know. Embark on your journey into D/s to find the answers out for yourself, don’t pretend you have them all already.

2 Read Read and Read Some more reading

  • I found that it helped to read up on the technical side first. Choose your own favorites. No doubt there are loads of web sites and mailing lists like this one to read as well. discriminating about what you read in mail lists and web sites. There is a vast difference between D/s fantasy and the practice in real life. A lot of very wise sounding advice is given online, but question how much of it is based on practical experience (including the inevitable making of mistakes!!). takes a long while to work out who is for real and who is spinning a (lovely) fantasy. However, reading about BDSM is a bit like reading cookbooks. cannot learn to cook until you try it.

3 Get out

  • We have heaps of BDSM clubs, parties and dungeons in Victoria (Chains, Hush Now, Perversity, Purgatory, Abode, CyberBall to name a few), so there’s no excuse for staying at home reading the net!!

4 all the other Dominants you can

  • It helps enormously to make friends with other Dominants. of them. experience and gravitas in your local scene will eventually rub off on you! most of them are egotistical enough (me included!!) to like the idea of taking a new Dominant under their wing. dead easy to convince some Tops to give you impromptu lessons in slave training, flogging, bondage etc love to talk!!

5 trying

  • However, it can be hard to befriend some "Dominants" because they Know It All and have a really tedious need to dominate everyone (not just their own sub/s). might also get snubbed by the occasional “Queen of the Scene” (happens to me all the time!)Don’t give up – I believe that every city’s scene has Dominants that are mature (and secure) enough to properly befriend and mentor new Dominants. Go to events, meet lots of people and seek out the Dominants that strike you as approachable and reasonably well liked (ESPECIALLY by other Dominants. easy to fool some of the subs some of the time, but if a "Dominant" cannot get along with other Dominants, then they definitely have problems

6 Choose a same sex mentor (unless you are gay)

  • It may seem easier to seek out mentors of the opposite sex, but be conscious that Dominants can have totally explosive chemistry with one another. starts out as a bit of flirtation can turn into a wild ride of switching, mind fucks and power games. is why a lot of Masters and Mistresses are love partners – and all power to them. as a new Dominant in search of self, I don’t recommend it (yet;)

7 your time

  • Notice I haven’t suggested run around like Lady Headless chook looking for submissives to play with? you can advertise like crazy all over the net and hang around the walls at every club, but what have you got to offer? Instead, push yourself to meet people of all persuasions (tops, bottoms, fetishists, male, female) and take a real interest in their lifestyle and personal choices. will help you discover your own style of Dominance, define your expectations and introduce you to potential partners.

8 Stay real

  • Most of all, stay yourself. to be A Real Dominant (what ever the hell that is) is doomed to failure. ‘T tell fibs exaggerating your experience or skill. bit of humility and grace goes a long way. egos, low self esteem and dishonesty are NOT Dominant and everyone else knows it. If you are genuine, self assured, approachable and dominant without being domineering (they are TOTALLY different things), your submissive will find you. than you think.

9 Pass it on

  • And remember that one day you will no longer be a newbie, and then it will be your turn to hold out the hand of friendship to newcomers.

largely reprinted from my articles posted elsewhere – so apologies to those who have heard it all before or BDSM if you aren’t strictly into D/s – I use the expressions pretty interchangeably …

Article MissBitch & MissBonnie CollarNccuffs.com

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Men Who Love BBWs Admirers or Fetishists?

Articles about body image usually focus on either shaping-up or honoring the shapes we have, even if they’re more voluptuous (for women) or heftier (for men) than the media’s ideal. However, there’s another side to the body acceptance story that some might call a darker, or even more bizarre side. It turns a cultural preoccupation with thinness and dieting completely upside down.

The story begins right here on the internet, where forums have sprung up for admirers of the large and lovely. As with other niche erotic preferences, connections in cyberspace have brought the most extreme variations on this theme out of the shadows and onto millions of screens. Many men are confused by their attraction to extremely fat women (or men, if they are gay), especially if their attraction extends to fantasies of feeding imaginary partners mounds of delicious food until they develop ever grander mounds of luscious flesh. As one Love and Health letter-writer says: “I go online to look at sites that Im not proud of, and I fear getting into a relationship where I force feed a woman into obesity. How can I calm my fetish so that I dont force feed my partner? Is the answer therapy, hypnosis, medication, or what?”

This question is similar to those asked by many others whose niche erotic preferences are so exclusive and overpowering that they constitute an undeniable fetish. Yet fetishes are not always unhealthy, and they don’t always pose severe problems. Often, the shame, confusion and fear surrounding a fetish can be far more debilitating than the fetish itself. The shame, not the sexual urges attached to specialized activities, interferes with life’s ordinary pleasures more than an acceptance of the fetish might. Sometimes, the difference between a gratifying and isolating fetish is, first of all, the ability to distinguish between fantasy aspects and “real life” attributes of the fetish, and, second, whether the fetishizer has the support of an erotic co-conspirator: a loving partner who is equally enthralled by a complimentary role in the fetish activity. I will add – although it should go without saying – that an acceptable fetish is always consensual, adult-adult, and does no harm to either participant.

When it comes to eroticizing larger than average body size, as with many other preferences, people tend to align within certain camps and sub-camps, some accepting of and others rejecting the fetish label. Men attracted to BBWs (big beautiful women) might not consider themselves any more fetishistic than men who are attracted to blondes instead of brunettes, or nerdy types over cutesy girls-next-door. Some of those who are primarily attracted to BBWs might see themselves as part of the “fat admirer” (FA) community, without regarding their preference as a fetish. Other FAs, however, not only find large women lovely, but they eroticize fat, are completely uninterested in slender women, and simply don’t date them. Such FAs would lean further toward the “fetish” end of a continuum that places appreciation or interest on one end and fetish on the other.

The letter-writer who fantasizes about feeding a partner into obesity clearly has reached the fetish end of the spectrum – and he knows it. As within most internet sex-oriented communities, there is ongoing dialogue about exactly which behaviors fall into which sub-categories and what labels best apply to each. In the “Feeder” world, this is certainly the case. However, the following terms are general enough to accurately reflect the accepted language of this realm.

Real life relationships between those known as “Feeders” (most often men) and their counterparts, known as “Gainers” or “Feedees” (most often women), can develop out of a mutually compelling need. However, a person need not have a Gainer in their life to be a Feeder. Feeders are more likely to exercise their fetish in fantasy than to indulge it in reality. As one Feeder writes: “I enjoy reading Feeder stories on the internet and fantasizing about feeding someone and having them gain weight. But I have never actually tried to fatten up a partner. Its only a fantasy for me.” However, Feeders and Gainers do find each other and hook up.

Rarely do Feeders coerce an otherwise uninterested partner into eating and gaining weight. Where the fetish is played out, the fetish is usually a shared one, and weight limits are consensually designated, with an erotic charge attached to the feeding, gaining, and attaining of the goal. While fantasies of non-consensual feeding can be a turn-on, it’s important to understand that, just like any other fantasy that involves coercion – even romance novels’ swashbuckling bodice-ripper fare – it’s one matter to imagine overwhelming someone or being taken unwillingly, and it’s quite another to live it. No healthy person with a rapist or ravishment fantasy is going to carry it any further than a consenting role-play scenario. (Anyone feeling urges to force any erotic activity on another, or to place oneself in danger, should immediately seek professional counseling.)

For compatible, consensual Feeders and Gainers, the act of feeding and eating is an erotically heightened experience, beyond even the sensual epicurean levels that most of us can relate to. Obviously, F/G relationships can carry dire consequences when the fetish embraces such extreme obesity that the Gainer’s mobility and health are compromised. While F/G relationships always have some characteristics in common with dominant/submissive relationships, a seriously obese Gainer’s immobility makes her quite literally dependent, and the Feeder can in fact control her. This set-up will take the D/s aspect to a potentially dangerous, probably non-consensual extreme, and I would venture to say that it is far outside the boundaries of what any professional would consider an acceptable expression of erotic preference.

Websites abound for men and women who adore the fat form, fat fantasy and Feeder imagery. For instance, photo-manipulation sites showcase celebrities “before and after” packing on 50-100 pounds, so that the formerly svelte pin-up is viewed in pulchritudinous glory. One of the more fascinating aspects of this Photoshop phenomenon is the realization that many super-thin women also look gorgeous as women of size. Do they look different? Yes; but still lovely in a startlingly alternative way. Or, perhaps, it would be more accurate to say that they look beautiful within an alternative dimension: an imaginary world where nobody is held hostage to current standards of thinness. These photo sites make a political point that can hardly be lost on anyone with a conscience, even if they are not avowed FAs. But, viewed from another angle, these sites are also erotica for the true FA, even though they are no more explicit than a Victoria’s Secret catalogue is to the mainstream. Yet, benign as they are, visits to these sites – and, of course, to more explicit fat-fantasy sites – can induce enormous shame in fat admirers whose preference (or fetish) is still considered by a thin-centric society to be gross and perverse.

So what do we say to men who ask how to “calm” their fetish for fat women, whether they include Feeder fantasies or not? Do we tell them to get help to alter their preferences, or suggest they seek support among others of like mind? Do we assist them in standing up to a society that is less than accepting of their ideal partners? Or do we urge them to change?

My advice is to realize that there is no single answer, no easy solution to any of our complex erotic patterns. Balancing social, emotional and sexual forces is a mighty effort for even the most ordinary “vanilla” man or woman, let alone anyone who deviates from the ordinary. Eccentric or novel erotic attractions can be as safe and healthy as the most common ones – or over the edge. It’s all a question of balance. My advice is to check in with yourself first: if your erotic style or activities are troubling you, speak with a certified sex therapist (www.aasect.org). She or he can help you determine what your erotic interest means, how much fantasy or fetish-reality you can handle, under what sets of circumstances you can safely explore your needs, and how far you can go. Rarely is it necessary or even possible to entirely eradicate a fetish – or even a strong preference. Instead, combining education and supportive counseling with discovering your own comfortable limits and boundaries – and, best yet, a compatible partner or partners – will offer the most successful approach in the long term

Article :Dr. Davidson

A psychologist and sex therapist based in New York City, Dr. Joy Davidson has been involved in the development of internet-based sexuality education for much of her career. Convinced that the internet has the capacity to revolutionize intimate connections, she has been actively researching and writing about the internet as a vehicle for sexual expression, education, and therapy for nearly a decade.

Dr. Davidson was a key contributor to MSN’s pioneering online magazine for women, Underwire, as well as a sex and relationships columnist for MSN’s WomenCentral.com, SexualHealth.com, and SavvyMiss.com. Offline, she was for 8 years the sex columnist for Playgirl magazine and Men’s Fitness magazine.

Dr. Davidson is the author of Fearless Sex: A Babe’s Guide to Overcoming Your Romantic Obsessions and Getting the Sex Life You Deserve (2004, Fairwinds Press), which, in hardcover, was a selection of the Literary Guild and the Venus Book Club. As an expert on sexual issues in popular media and culture, she is also a contributor to four of Benbella Books’ acclaimed “Smart Pop” anthologies and the editor of an upcoming fifth release.

Her astute insights and warm, vivacious personal style have made Dr. Davidson a sought-after speaker at seminars and conferences, and a guest on hundreds of national television and radio shows, including Oprah, 20/20, CNN News, Entertainment Tonight, Montel, and Bill O’Reilly. She was the host of 36 episodes of the Playboy channel’s series, “Secret Confessions and Fantasies,” and the writer/creator of the Playboy/Sharper Image home video series, “Secrets of Making Love to the Same Person Forever.”

Dr. Davidson is a frequently featured expert in national magazines and press, including USA Today, Salon.com, Redbook, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Marie Claire, Men’s Health, and Cosmopolitan. She holds a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology and a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, an AASECT certified Sex Therapist, and a member of AASECT’s Board of Directors.

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Tips for a Femdom beginner

Any Femdom (a female dominant) at the beginning of her being involved in BDSM activities does face some problems which prevent her from getting pleasure of what she is doing. Actually any dominant can have his or her own problems as people differ and have their own psychological peculiarities. However, there are some problems common for any Femdom, such as: fear of not being up to stereotypes, lack of self-confidence and lack of skill in scenario planning.

The information given below will let you know more about these problems and the ways these problems can be solved.

Stereotypes.

Many femdoms beginners cannot get pleasure of their dominance because of not being up to some stereotypes related to BDSM activity. These are typical thoughts of a woman who has just made her first steps in dominance – “I am supposed to inflict pain on my slave, I am supposed to be called the Mistress, I must wear especial clothing, I must use some certain BDSM toys. But there are some things I don’t quite like. Does it mean I am not a true femdom?”

No, it doesn’t. Stereotypes are designed specially for destroying them. You must not be up to any stereotypes. You can wear any clothing you want, you can use any BDSM toy you wish, your scenario can involve all your fantasies, no matter whether they are standard or not. And keep in mind – Dominance is not based on inflicting pain. It is based on making your partner react the way you want him to. Different people apply different methods for this purpose – from quite light up to very severe ones. The main thing is that you both should get pleasure, and no one can tell you what you should do.

Diffidence

Diffidence and hesitation are quite characteristic of a femdom beginner. She cannot relax thinking about the way she looks, the way she behaves and of course about whether her slave is pleased with the session. These fears are quite natural, but if not overcome they cannot spoil pleasure of both the femdom and her submissive.

Actually, first of all you should remember that this is you who dominates, that is why this is you who decides everything. Only you can decide how severe you should be, only you can choose BDSM toys you are going to use, only you rule the game because you are the dominant. Do not let hesitation make you weak.

Ways to overcome diffidence

1. Get rid of your hesitations during the sessions.

Let us take an example. Possibly you are not sure enough whether your submissive finds you sexually attractive enough. Do not think about this matter. Instead ask your submissive – Am I a Goddess of sex? He will be glad to say you are. You might hesitate whether to use this or that Femdom toy or accessory. Hesitation does not make you more dominant. Instead say confidently – I know you want me put these cuffs on your ankles! I know you want get a few blows with this whip!

2.Don’t let your submissive object to anything

Keep in mind that no submissive can let you know what you should do during the session. He cannot object to using a BDSM toy, he cannot ask you to do something. All problems must be discussed after the session otherwise your D/S relationships lose any sense. Of course make sure you know his hard limits…that is a given, for any Femdom scene.

Improper planning

After you master basic things you might want to enrich your experience. Very often femdoms beginners make mistakes when planning the session by making up too thorough or not enough detailed scenario.

The main advantage of domination is its unpredictable nature. By making a too detailed plan you become dependent on it. For example when facing an unexpected reaction of your partner you might begin thinking you have done something wrong, that your incompetence has made a problem.

The opposite problem is insufficient planning.. You do not prepare anything – neither BDSM toys nor your roles, etc – you are likely to look at your helpless partner trying to guess what you should do next. This will inevitably make you less self-confident. Such things are easy to avoid. Make plans, but let them be not too detailed. Do not limit yourself by a strict order of actions. Instead simply take into account what you are going to do and do this when you would like to.

Article MissBonnie February 2009 CollarNuffs.com

studyBDSM and studyFemdom – Don’t forget we also have various Free Femdom/BDSM educational and emotional support programs on CollarNcuffs. We can help you if you wish, 100 percent for FREE. No catch!


Such as FREE PROGRAM: Help, my husband wants me to be his Domme and FREE PROGRAM: Femdom 101 for those just starting out with Femdom needing to learn the basics in Female Dominance. Please join our COMMUNITY to request access, all access is 100% free.We invite you to join our community of like-minded individuals who share your interests in femdom and BDSM. Engage with our 100% Free content, leave comments, share your experiences. Meet fellow Kinksters. Chat and interact one on one. Your feedback is invaluable and helps us to continuously improve the content we offer.

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Talking spicy in your bedroom

woman sitting on bed

New Dommes don’t be surprised to know that your partner wants to hear spicy talks during an intercourse. It is a well-known fact that particular voice can arouse even more than actual stimulation. No wonder, telephone sex is so popular. The art of talking sexy can become quite difficult to begin, if you got used to keeping silence in your bedroom. Don’t refuse talking sexy if you want to take your relationship at a new intimate level! It doesn’t mean though that you should stick to dirty words and repeat them every time you partner asks.

How to talk sexy

Of course, such verbal stimulation can make you feel a bit embarrassed, and this may keep you from making his or your dreams come true. To start out a nasty talk you need to concentrate on what your partner wants, or rather I should say, needs to give him the power you long to take. You may think over various sex positions, sex toys, role-playing, restraining, oral pleasure and things like that to give a free play to your imagination. Another way to inspire yourself for spicy communication is to watch adult movies together with your partner. Watch him closely, what words got reactions?

Find the right words

It can be quite intimidating to find those special words, which describe his genitals or actions you want him to perform or you want to do. Of course, not every man can find it comfortable to hear words like “dick“ or “cock“, and you shouldn’t behave as a slut to turn him on actually. Be playful and experiment with different phrases to heighten your sexual experience. You don’t need to pretend or invent something, just follow your urges and let your desires be caught up in uncontrollable flood. Don’t restrict your emotions saying “You look sexy”, “Your cock is so hard”, “You make me shiver” and so on. Avoid standard long phrases to explain your feelings, telling him a whole story. Make your voice sound deeper with long inhales; this will sound more exciting to him.

Talk about sex

Try to introduce talks about sex before you get in the bedroom. Your likes and dislikes can be a good start for such communication. You shouldn’t make a list of sex positions your former ex-boyfriends/subby preferred to use.

It’s better to talk as if discussing your fantasies: “I would love if you …”,”the thought of …makes me hot“. Such communication is a good basis for solid enduring intimate relationships. Tell your partner on your preferences during a foreplay, like “I want it softer or harder?”,”Upper or lower?“

Spicy talking manner

Start talking nasty to yourself to get used to the feeling. The manner in which you will be talking to your partner is subject to what kind of play are you going to initiate. If you plan to be seductive and mysterious, try to whisper in his ears sweet and teasing words. If you are into playful mood, talk in a ticklish and chummy style. Let yourself be bossy, when you intend to have a hot bondage play. Just give in to your emotions and be receptive to his desires, making sure to take your own into account. Don’t forget that words may sound offensive for a particular partner in certain circumstances and be highly arousing for the other one. You may try and write your fantasies down. For example, you may write him a note where you suggest him to buy some naughty sex toys. He can take time to think over and even if he isn’t normally enthusiastic about such ideas, he may change his mind later.

Get the setting ready

Take him by surprise. Nothing can be more thrilling than unexpected erotic play. Just imagine you are whispering him nasty “I’m wet” in his ears being in a crowded place or ask him to touch you there…in an elevator. Expect him home earlier than usual! It’s important to have right accessories at your side to create this special atmosphere. For example, you can take massaging oil, leather cuffs and other sex toys to have a good deal of dirty talks. After some more practice you will feel yourself different and know that talking sex is no more a taboo for (both of)you.

Article MissBonnie February 2009

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I’m often asked about punishment by new Domina‘s.

How do I punish?

What should I do? What do you punish?

What do I let slide and forgive?

I can only answer these question for myself and comment on how I deal with punishment issues. How you choose to deal with infractions is up to yourself, and your own individual flare and style. Dominas all have different needs and different requirements from submissives…what I require from my submissives may be different to your needs.

Punishment is an inevitable element of relationships between a Mistress and a sub. To speak shortly, punishment is designed for behaviour correction. But all involved in BDSM/Femdom know that punishment is a gift and the Domme’s benefaction as it helps to get free from feeling of guilt and it is a sign of the Top’s care for her sub. This article is not meant as ‘how too guide’ but more for a creative spark to plan your own course of punishment actions. The main issue with punishments that I can’t stress highly enough is consistency! If you threaten to punish him/her follow it through! Your submissive is seeking your guidance and control. Not punishing an act you find unacceptable is sending out a message you have no control.

Perhaps there is no need to mention that necessity of punishment must be realized by the slave and no penalty can take place without the sub’s agreement. Femdom relationships always imply love goodwill, and safe sane and consensual actions. So punishment must be necessarily discussed in advance. To effectively punish. Punishment requires some suggestions which can be followed any time a Domme finds it necessary to give her sub a lesson.

Three Main Punishment suggestions

  • 1. Punishment in any detail must be different from other types of Femdom action. Otherwise the submissive is going to get used to it and take punishment as something habitual – what lesson is he going to be given than? For instance you can have special BDSM toys used only for punishment and nothing else. Use them only when punishing your sub. In this case these BDSM toys are going to be associated only with actions intended to punish him/her.
  • 2. It is the Domme who defines severity of punishment as well as its other details. The Domme chooses the time her Sub is going to be punished, What BDSM toys she is going to use, tortures the sub must undergo etc. All these things must not be discussed; otherwise this is going to be anything but punishment and in fact might be something the submissive seeks out and desires!
  • 3. One offence – one punishment. This is the main principle which if not followed makes punishment useless. The sub must always be aware what s/he is being punished for.

Now let us speak about punishment itself. Actually punishment for my submissives consists of five suggested steps. They may or may not fit your chosen form of Femdom practices.

Step one. Explanation

This step implies explanation of what was done wrong and what your slave should have done instead. Make sure the submissive realizes his/her guilt otherwise everything that comes next is going to be of no use. Submissives left struggling with reasons for punishment often feel confused and disorientated with other activities. Left questioning they often question every action they undertake on your behalf. A submissive is not a mind reader ‘communication’ is a must if you ever wish to alter his/her behaviour.

Step two. Sub who begs for punishment.

Punishment might always involve this step and it might never imply it – everything depends on the Top. The bottom does not have the right to choose whether s/he should beg to punish him/her or not – this is not a matter for him/her to decide. A submissive asking to be punished is topping from the bottom and learning that s/he can alter the outcome of plans. Make a mental note that s/he is asking for punishment and try to evaluate why s/he is asking. Does s/he need more attention? Is s/he trying to manipulate you into action? Why is this occurring? This more often the question that needs addressing. Is there an underlying problem?

Step three. Getting ready for punishment and realization of guilt.

The fourth action is perhaps the longest one and it takes place without the Domme’s interference. I have found this step has helped my submissive/s greatly in rectifying his/her errors so they never reoccur. This might imply being on knees in very uncomfortable position in darkness. As well it might imply use of some BDSM toys, such as restraints. This step is very effective as being alone the bottom feels lonely and denied. Alone (or time out) allows for reflection time on the ‘error‘ the time out allows the submissive time from distractions to evaluate what has occurred. Time out also allows for the submissive to get in the right head space and let go off the vanilla world.

Step four. Punishment.

The fourth step is punishment itself. Here no recommendations can be given. Everything that takes place during this stage of punishment depends on the Domme and HER own personal tastes, likes and desires. This can be not only inflicting pain on the bottom as many might think. Verbal communication is as well very important.

The Mistress can order her sub to repeat a part of guilt explanation in order to find out that the slave understood and realized his/her guilt. Realization of guilt can be expressed in some other way, for instance by saying “Thank you, Mistress!” or “forgive me Mistress! “After each blow or by continuous licking the Mistress’ feet during the punishment.

Verbal communication between the top and the bottom implies that the Domme should let her sub know whether the latter can cry or not. As well she should make it clear what is going to happen if the bottom cries in spite of this prohibition.

The top can let the bottom know how long punishment is going to last, what toys she is going to use, using this method the Domme must be consistent in her set plan of action and never falter. My advise to the newer less confident Domme or Domina in a new relationship would to NOT do this if she can at all help it, setting punishments length or duration often means the submissive may have to take more than s/he needs or less than s/he needs at the time of punishment. By not informing the submissive of the full extent of the punishments details it allows you room to adjust without appearing to of ‘softened’ on the punishment or appearing to lost control of the situation. So again everything depends on the Domme’s will to remain consistent to her original punishment goal.

Step six. Forgiveness.

Punishment has ended. The top might order the bottom to thank her for punishment. She can let her slave know what punishment he is going to undergo for committing the same crime again. And of course the top must let this slave know whether the latter is forgiven or not. In the end I should say that the first punishment must be very severe. Than punishments might become rarer and less cruel. Full-fledged D/s relationships imply that after some time punishment must become a very rare event or there should be no punishments at all as the most terrible thing for a bottom is being deprived of his Mistress’ love.

What ever methods you choose make sure you are comfortable in there delivery. You are trying to give your submissive ’rules’ to suit your desires, using a method you dislike will only add to you not enjoying the process and delaying its deliverance.

Enjoy the process, it shouldn’t be a chore and shouldn’t be out of anger. Punishment should be administered because you know your submissive and yourself will ‘both’ benefit from it effects and outcome.

If you are angry step away and re gather your thoughts and personal control. Acting in anger can cause misjudgement in your actions. Actions need to be clear, concise, too the point, relaying your intended purpose for correction. Often punishments dealt in anger can lead to injury or relationship problems.

Once you have administered your chosen punishment aftercare may be required.

Article MissBonnie © CollarNcuffs.com 2008

Further Resources :

Aftercare 

Aftercare is an essential aspect of any BDSM scene or play. It refers to the care and attention given to participants after engaging in intense activities. Whether you identify as a submissive or dominant, aftercare is crucial for emotional and physical well-being. Aftercare helps in the transition from an intense scene back to a state of normalcy. It allows for emotional grounding, physical recovery, and the nurturing of the bond between participants. It can also help prevent subdrop or Dommedrop, which are emotional and physical lows experienced after intense play. It is a very important part of how to do Femdom activities


10 Commandments 

There are several things a submissive can do to help themselves to help Dommes, that are simple in form and structure but often forgotten about. Being submissive is more than groaning in pleasure on que! Learning how to Femdom the right way is very important.


Top hints and tricks 

When first getting into the scene and learning about Femdom, it can often be somewhat intimidating to try playing with SM, especially if neither of you have done it before. Here’s this wonderful person, who wants you to dominate them. You tie them up, and they’re helpless, wriggling with anticipation and lust… and now what do you do?


Mistress primer 

Want to be the best Mistress? Most new starting out think the beginning is learning how to tie that perfect knot or create that perfect scene. Many forget the begining in the Femdom lifestyle starts internal with personality traits.


Fledgling Dommes 

I think I’m a Domme, how can I find my way? How to become a Mistress, answers?


Starting out Domme 

You’re Domme so what now ? How to start out Femdom relationships. How do you get the wisdom, trust worthy reputation experience to find the Love of your Life (or – in the meantime – someone wonderful to play with)?


sub husband help

So you’ve just found out your husband is submissive, where do you go from here. A candid look at wives journey when her Husband introduced her to Femdom.


Punishment

How do I punish? What should I do? What do you punish?

When it comes to punishment in BDSM relationships, it’s important to remember that each Dominant has their own unique approach and requirements. What works for one may not work for another, and it’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your partner to establish boundaries and expectations.

In order for any punish to be successful you need Clear Expectations: Before engaging in any BDSM Femdom activities, it’s crucial to establish clear expectations and boundaries with your submissive. This includes discussing what behaviors may warrant punishment and what the consequences may be.


Sex Talk

When it comes to intimacy, communication plays a vital role in enhancing the overall experience. It’s no surprise that many individuals find pleasure in hearing spicy talks during sexual encounters. In fact, the power of a seductive voice can often be more arousing than physical stimulation itself. This is why telephone sex has gained such popularity.

For those who are new to the world of talking sexy, it can be a bit daunting to get started, especially if you’re used to keeping silent in the bedroom. However, embracing this form of communication can take your relationship to a new level of intimacy. So, don’t be afraid to embrace the power of words and let your voice guide you to new levels of eroticism in the bedroom.


Diffidence 

Any Femdom (a female dominant) at the beginning of her being involved in BDSM activities does face some problems which prevent her from getting pleasure of what she is doing. Actually any dominant can have his or her own problems as people differ and have their own psychological peculiarities. However, there are some problems common for any Femdom, such as: fear of not being up to stereotypes, lack of self-confidence and lack of skill in scenario planning.


BBWs 

Men Who Love BBWs Admirers or Fetishists?


Inner Mistress 

Waking up your inner Mistress

tease, Humiliate 

Want your male submissive begging for more? ideas and suggestions to build on. As published by MissBonnie in German Bondage Guide.

The importance of Honesty and trust

Explore the dynamics of Femdom relationships, focusing on the essential elements of honesty and trust. Learn how mutual consent, open communication, and respect for boundaries foster a healthy and fulfilling connection. Discover strategies for maintaining emotional intimacy and dealing with breaches of trust, ensuring a resilient and thriving relationship.

The Joy of Male Submission Within Femdom

Explore the psychological and emotional dimensions of male submission in Femdom relationships. Learn how trust, vulnerability, and the desire to please foster deep connections and mutual respect. Discover the benefits of male submission for both partners, including personal growth, emotional bonding, and a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries.

Scenario planning is an essential aspect of BDSM play, as it helps create a safe and consensual environment for all participants. New Femdoms or those just feeling burnt out, many initially struggle with developing and executing engaging scenarios. This can be attributed to a lack of experience or knowledge in this area. Engaging in research, attending workshops, and seeking guidance from experienced dominants can help you enhance your skills in scenario planning. We can help you further with this in our online Community.

In conclusion, you, like any Female dominant, may face certain challenges when starting their journey in BDSM. Overcoming the fear of stereotypes, building self-confidence, and improving scenario planning skills are common areas of growth for Dommes. By embracing your own unique style, seeking support, and continuously learning, you can navigate these challenges and find pleasure in your Femdom activities with your partner.

we can help more than just this resource section:


studyBDSM and studyFemdom – Don’t forget we also have various Free Femdom/BDSM educational and emotional support programs on CollarNcuffs. We can help you if you wish, 100 percent for FREE. No catch!


Such as FREE PROGRAM: Help, my husband wants me to be his Domme and FREE PROGRAM: Femdom 101 for those just starting out with Femdom needing to learn the basics in Female Dominance. Please join our COMMUNITY to request access, all access is 100% free.We invite you to join our community of like-minded individuals who share your interests in femdom and BDSM. Engage with our 100% Free content, leave comments, share your experiences. Meet fellow Kinksters. Chat and interact one on one. Your feedback is invaluable and helps us to continuously improve the content we offer.

Posted on

Sub husband help

My last few posts have been geared more toward the submissive men and it is high time to talk with my fellow budding FemDom’s. Get a cup of coffee (or whatever you like), pull up a chair and let’s have a little talk. Since my perspective is from the female point of view I want to talk to all you Ladies like I was right there with you. I realize that no two people are exactly alike, but the more I read from other budding FemDom’s, the more I am realizing the core of this lifestyle is the same. From what I have read 90% of the Dommes I know were at one time introduced to this lifestyle by either a spouse or boyfriend. I have only come across a select few that became involved in this lifestyle on their own.

First, I am going to use my situation to share on. By no means did I do everything perfectly. All I can share is how this time is different for me than last time.

I woke up one morning and found that my husband had been on my computer the night before while I was sleeping. It took a while before I confronted him about it and when I finally did I got a defensive attitude and he denied that he was doing anything wrong. Typical behavior from a man that knows he has been caught! My first reaction was rage. Does this man really think I am that stupid? My second emotion was hurt. Since I still didn’t know exactly what he was doing I really had nothing concrete to be angry and hurt about. It was the denial that got me. It took a while before I knew exactly what he had been doing. The first thing I did was think. I had some serious decisions to make. Was I going to leave or stay? If I stayed, how was I going to ever be able to trust him again?

So let’s put this scenario onto you! Let’s say your husband has just come to you and decided to share his submissive desires. Not all men are leading secret lives but you can bet most are. They have looked at FemDom and the desire is so strong to bring it to reality, they take a chance and talk with you. Or let’s say you have found out that your husband is being sneaky on the computer. I can tell you how to find out everything, and I mean everything, he has been doing but that can be talked about later. Now, you can do one of two things: you can reject him completely or you can listen and then decide for yourself if this is something that interests you. Take some time, research the reality of FemDom and then decide if this is something you would like to do IF YOU WEREN’T TO STAY WITH YOUR SPOUSE. If this lifestyle is something you don’t really find interest in, and you continue to go ahead with it because it is what HE wants, it will never work. Your spouse will have no choice but to top from the bottom. All that will make you left feeling is inadequate and unloved. See, the male submissive, behind all the fetish activities, wants to serve a Dominant woman. If he is molding you into his perfect little Domme it will never work. This will technically leave him in the Dominant role which is not what he wants. I might add this is definitely not what you want! Trust me!

So, you have taken some time, researched and you are all for being a FemDom. Now what? How do you go about playing with this man? The activities we engage in can be very dangerous if you don’t know what you are doing. Books are wonderful and a lot can be learned about safe play, but there is only so much you can learn from books. Nothing compares to learning hands on with an experienced teacher and mentor. For me I really love the mental aspect of D/s. The bondage, teasing and games are a means to an end for me. I can honestly tell you I have learned more about the mental aspects of submissives now that I have in person relationships with other Dommes and subs. So, how do you meet others you can learn from?

The first is a local BDSM support group (want online try our Community and FREE programs. If you live in a well populated area you can bet there is a support group near. You might have to travel a little but it’s well worth it. It does take time to get to know others in the group. What do you do in the meantime? I know most of you will be completely shocked that I am suggesting this but here goes. I would find a Pro Domme in your area to take lessons from. You don’t have to take your submissive with you (although after a few times I suggest you do). Pro’s can be expensive but most will work with you if you let them know your budget. Pro’s have a insight the average woman doesn’t. They talk to thousands of submissive men and they understand the mental aspect of the submissive very well. Most Pro’s have been in the lifestyle for years and years. Hence how they got to be Pro’s.

One of my best friends is a Pro who has been involved in the lifestyle for over 17 years. She specializes in couples and she loves it when budding FemDom’s call her for lessons. I can tell you right now that if it wasn’t for this woman, my husband and I might not be together now. She understands the woman’s perspective and the man’s. She is invaluable. She offers phone counseling and she does in person lessons after she has gotten to know you and your situation via phone calls. She is here in Vegas and I highly recommend her. Here name is Mistress Kali Ward and if you are anywhere near Vegas (or not) I would suggest calling her. She started the PEP Buffalo chapter and she is recommended by Elise Sutton. The PEP organization is nationwide and the Pro Dommes they recommend are very compassionate and well educated.

This will probably surprise you all more than anything else but I have become very good friends with my husbands Ex-Pro, LadyIceQueen. For months I was envious and intimated by her only to find that she is a loving, compassionate, regular woman like me. She accepted me with love and made me feel beautiful. (Kisses and Hugs to you sweets!) I expected her to be a total cruel bitch but what I found is she is just like me. While I am not grateful that my husband shared sessions with her, I am grateful that I contacted her and now can call her my friend. She was originally in Las Vegas but she has relocated to Glendale, AZ. Like Mistress Kali Ward, she accepts phone counseling and in person lessons.

In conclusion, this lifestyle is not for everyone. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE A DOMME. DO NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND OR B/f PUSH YOU INTO BEING SOMETHING YOUR NOT.

While there are many benefits to this lifestyle it is not for everyone. If you do find this lifestyle is for you, please learn all you can on what you like. Be safe in your play. And most of all enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Enjoy the attention, adoration and power. This is one time where it is ok to be a little selfish and to make it all about you. If you do, you will find what you have always wanted. Care for and guide your submissive into places they have only dreamed of. This is the time to see what you like, what you want, and to bask in the lap of luxury. The benefits are more than you could ever dream of. As always, I welcome emails from anyone who wishes to chat. Let me know how things are going. Good Luck!!!

Mrs. Claudia keeps a journal detailing the transition from a traditional marriage to a Femdom marriage. She has graciously allowed us to repost some her entries If you wish to read more of MrsClaudias wise and insightful words pay a visit to her Blog (now closed)

Text taken from MissClaudias blog All permissions granted to MissBonnie

Further resources:

Aftercare 

Aftercare is an essential aspect of any BDSM scene or play. It refers to the care and attention given to participants after engaging in intense activities. Whether you identify as a submissive or dominant, aftercare is crucial for emotional and physical well-being. Aftercare helps in the transition from an intense scene back to a state of normalcy. It allows for emotional grounding, physical recovery, and the nurturing of the bond between participants. It can also help prevent subdrop or Dommedrop, which are emotional and physical lows experienced after intense play. It is a very important part of how to do Femdom activities


10 Commandments 

There are several things a submissive can do to help themselves to help Dommes, that are simple in form and structure but often forgotten about. Being submissive is more than groaning in pleasure on que! Learning how to Femdom the right way is very important.


Top hints and tricks 

When first getting into the scene and learning about Femdom, it can often be somewhat intimidating to try playing with SM, especially if neither of you have done it before. Here’s this wonderful person, who wants you to dominate them. You tie them up, and they’re helpless, wriggling with anticipation and lust… and now what do you do?


Mistress primer 

Want to be the best Mistress? Most new starting out think the beginning is learning how to tie that perfect knot or create that perfect scene. Many forget the begining in the Femdom lifestyle starts internal with personality traits.


Fledgling Dommes 

I think I’m a Domme, how can I find my way? How to become a Mistress, answers?


Starting out Domme 

You’re Domme so what now ? How to start out Femdom relationships. How do you get the wisdom, trust worthy reputation experience to find the Love of your Life (or – in the meantime – someone wonderful to play with)?


sub husband help

So you’ve just found out your husband is submissive, where do you go from here. A candid look at wives journey when her Husband introduced her to Femdom.


Punishment

How do I punish? What should I do? What do you punish?

When it comes to punishment in BDSM relationships, it’s important to remember that each Dominant has their own unique approach and requirements. What works for one may not work for another, and it’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your partner to establish boundaries and expectations.

In order for any punish to be successful you need Clear Expectations: Before engaging in any BDSM Femdom activities, it’s crucial to establish clear expectations and boundaries with your submissive. This includes discussing what behaviors may warrant punishment and what the consequences may be.


Sex Talk

When it comes to intimacy, communication plays a vital role in enhancing the overall experience. It’s no surprise that many individuals find pleasure in hearing spicy talks during sexual encounters. In fact, the power of a seductive voice can often be more arousing than physical stimulation itself. This is why telephone sex has gained such popularity.

For those who are new to the world of talking sexy, it can be a bit daunting to get started, especially if you’re used to keeping silent in the bedroom. However, embracing this form of communication can take your relationship to a new level of intimacy. So, don’t be afraid to embrace the power of words and let your voice guide you to new levels of eroticism in the bedroom.


Diffidence 

Any Femdom (a female dominant) at the beginning of her being involved in BDSM activities does face some problems which prevent her from getting pleasure of what she is doing. Actually any dominant can have his or her own problems as people differ and have their own psychological peculiarities. However, there are some problems common for any Femdom, such as: fear of not being up to stereotypes, lack of self-confidence and lack of skill in scenario planning.


BBWs 

Men Who Love BBWs Admirers or Fetishists?


Inner Mistress 

Waking up your inner Mistress

tease, Humiliate 

Want your male submissive begging for more? ideas and suggestions to build on. As published by MissBonnie in German Bondage Guide.

The importance of Honesty and trust

Explore the dynamics of Femdom relationships, focusing on the essential elements of honesty and trust. Learn how mutual consent, open communication, and respect for boundaries foster a healthy and fulfilling connection. Discover strategies for maintaining emotional intimacy and dealing with breaches of trust, ensuring a resilient and thriving relationship.

The Joy of Male Submission Within Femdom

Explore the psychological and emotional dimensions of male submission in Femdom relationships. Learn how trust, vulnerability, and the desire to please foster deep connections and mutual respect. Discover the benefits of male submission for both partners, including personal growth, emotional bonding, and a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries.

Scenario planning is an essential aspect of BDSM play, as it helps create a safe and consensual environment for all participants. New Femdoms or those just feeling burnt out, many initially struggle with developing and executing engaging scenarios. This can be attributed to a lack of experience or knowledge in this area. Engaging in research, attending workshops, and seeking guidance from experienced dominants can help you enhance your skills in scenario planning. We can help you further with this in our online Community.

In conclusion, you, like any Female dominant, may face certain challenges when starting their journey in BDSM. Overcoming the fear of stereotypes, building self-confidence, and improving scenario planning skills are common areas of growth for Dommes. By embracing your own unique style, seeking support, and continuously learning, you can navigate these challenges and find pleasure in your Femdom activities with your partner.

we can help more than just this resource section:


studyBDSM and studyFemdom – Don’t forget we also have various Free Femdom/BDSM educational and emotional support programs on CollarNcuffs. We can help you if you wish, 100 percent for FREE. No catch!


Such as FREE PROGRAM: Help, my husband wants me to be his Domme and FREE PROGRAM: Femdom 101 for those just starting out with Femdom needing to learn the basics in Female Dominance. Please join our COMMUNITY to request access, all access is 100% free.We invite you to join our community of like-minded individuals who share your interests in femdom and BDSM. Engage with our 100% Free content, leave comments, share your experiences. Meet fellow Kinksters. Chat and interact one on one. Your feedback is invaluable and helps us to continuously improve the content we offer.

Posted on

I’m Domme so what now?

Taking that first step -How to Learn

What brought you here…why are you here?

My guess is you partner has just told you about his submissive desires and you wish to formulate some plan in your head, on how to make it work it for you and your relationship.

My second guess is you are attracted to what you have seen so far but don’t have a clue on where to go next, or what to do.

“The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.“

First off no matter what brought you here. Your reading this article so you either love your partner dearly and wish to give this a go, or you have liked what you seen or read. Either option the process is some what the same. You should take a serious look at yourself. It like the old saying ‘you have to know yourself in order to know others’ What is it about Femdom that You find appealing? Do You wish a 24/7 relationship; taking on the responsibilities for deciding all aspects of a submissive’s life? Do You wish to encourage another to become the best person they can be? Do you wish Femdom just in the bedroom? Alternatively, is it something in-between? Whether, it’s the sense of power gained in having another under Your full control or it is the pleasure to be found in administering pain, there is no right answer, except for Yourself. Do not try to live up to any others’ expectation. Start out by trying to define what it is that You crave. You cannot hope to control or take responsibility for another, until first you understand Yourself and maintain control of Yourself, this starts with self-evaluation.

Turn Your attention to the mechanics. At this point, You are looking for just one thing, does what You read cause a stirring in your body? Are Your fantasies tickled, as You think on the possibilities of this life? You need to define your starting point, what is it that most turns You on. It is quite common over time to find Your Own boundaries expanding, things today You would not think of doing, in time, become desires. The opposite is also often true; the things that intrigue You now may not be such a tremendous turn-on a few years from now, other desires will take their place and move to the foreground. For now, what is it that You desire? Turning the boy over Your knee? Placing an intricate web of ropes and knots upon the flesh that cannot be escaped? Or having a doting servant kneeling at Your feet, open to fulfilling whatever Your needs and desires are?

What’s next? Your partner is the next step in this fabulous journey

Well, now we turn our attention to finding a partner or figuring the workings of the sub that you already have. The key, again, is knowing what you desire. Remember, just as You have desires, so does the submissive. The idea is to find the submissive whose desires match up with Yours.

What is my submissive partner looking for ? If your partner has brought this all to your attention you may want look at things from his side for awhile. A marketing tip I love to quote ‘is find what motivates, and your half way there’ you by now have self evaluated yourself, now is time to talk to your partner.

This is the key to a successful power exchange relationship, communication. If you don’t know what your submissive is looking for you certainly won’t be able to fulfil their needs. If you don’t know what style of domination your submissive is looking for you could easily cause an emotionally traumatic experience that could scar them for life. If your style of domination is not compatible with what they are looking for it WON’T work!! Don’t try to be something you aren’t just to please a submissive or you will be doing them AND yourself a disservice. Find out first before taking the plunge!

You should NEVER force a submissive to do anything which is truly against their own beliefs or desires, in the end, all You will end up doing is to cause the submissive doubts and resentment and possibly be arrested. There are very few partners that we will find completely pleasing to us. If You desire to administer pain, You need a partner who wishes to receive it. If You desire only to control, a masochist will never please You. You will both be frustrated by the experience. Know what you want in a partner and seek that.

Relationships…

Figure out what You want in a relationship at this time as well. Do You want to play occasionally or do You want to live this as a 24/7 lifestyle? Nobody ever plays around the clock. If You want a long-term relationship with a partner, You will need to look at all of the personality traits You want. You will need common interests outside of Femdom – otherwise Your breakfast conversation is going to be pretty dull, and the whole experience will grow stale for You both rather quickly.

What personality type is your submissive/or what are you looking for?

  • Is your submissive a hopeless romantic who sees this as the ultimate expression of love?
  • Is your submissive a sex slut who loves being used for your sexual gratification?
  • Is your submissive demure or childlike looking for protection and a sense of security?
  • Is your submissive a humiliation slut who craves being walked on because it makes them feel wonderful?

Listen to your submissive, observe the mannerism, ask them what their darkest fantasy is (that will give you a good idea of what really turns then on) but be aware that some fantasies are just that – fantasies only. If you sub cries every time you raise your voice obviously you will need to handle this one differently than a sub who grovels happily being yelled at.

OK, You know what you want, and what You want to look for.

Next, a few words about the approach. You will find no lack of people online or in r/t groups who are willing to talk to you about your desires, but how you present yourself is critical. Remember that a persons submission is THEIRS, not yours. You have no right to demand anything from anybody until they have offered it to you. If you walk around acting like You own the world of BDSM, either r/t or in cyber, you will be seen for exactly what you are a newbie without a clue. It is not a good way to start. BE A DOMINANT, NOT AN ASS!

The next step in your journey, you now know what arouses, but what arouses your submissive desire to submit to you or potentially submit to you?

Do you know what arouses your submissives desire to serve you?

  • Have you asked him what turns him on?
  • If they expressed their interests do you consider it topping from the bottom?

Are they afraid to tell you because they don’t want to appear to be in control of what will happen. Here is my personal philosophy on this topic: “Knowledge is Power… the more knowledge a sub gives you the more power you have to own their submission, to deny you that knowledge, is to deny yourself that power.”

Encourage your sub to talk to you or write fantasies to you so you will get an idea of what it is that arouses them. That knowledge will empower you and give you a tool for awakening their submission to a deeper level. Or for that matter they may even awaken your inner potential for Domination.

What are my submissives limitations & boundaries?

A submissive who has NO limits and no boundaries is a very dangerous person with blinders on to the real dangers involved in Femdom. If they are unsure, then fine – a Domme can go slowly and feel their way along letting the submissive find a comfort level of their own. If they claim “I have no limits” I would worry about their own sense of identity and self-worth. “No limits” is the answer online submissives give because they are never in any real danger… they can turn the computer off at any time and remain in control. In real life there are limits… mutilation, snuff scene (suffocating the sub till they die), etc. are all serious limits for anyone of sound mind.

Find out what your submissive is NOT comfortable doing or is afraid of and keep that knowledge in mind when scenting with them. Soft limits can be gently explored, and tested over time… hard limits are never to be approached without a previous conversation expressing an interest in pushing, or extending that limit. A good idea to open conversation and start discussion may be to use a Limits list as we have on Collarncuffs.com. You can find one HERE LINK things you may over look as what you’d think as a soft limit, may be a hard limit to your submissive.

Negotiations

Negotiation involves discussing what the sub is and is not willing to do. Don’t violate what the sub sets as limits.

  • (1) You’ll do him considerable mental harm
  • (2) You’ll be violating the law (at the point where you step over the line, it’s no longer consensual)
  • (3) word WILL get out, and nobody will want to play with you anymore. (Remember the BDSM/Femdom community is very tightly knit and nothing stays hidden for long.)

Are you willing to follow, and set, your own set standards and rules?

This is the biggest of mistake made by new dominants, double standards! If you expect a submissive to obey your rules you had better be ready to back up the consequences of those rules. If you don’t the sub will no longer feel inclined to bother since you aren’t bothering to enforce them. In addition if you expect one standard from your sub but you just don’t feel like doing it yourself then you are sending a message to that submissive that it really isn’t all that important to you after all. Make sure that if you are going to set standards, you live by those standards as well. Never say one thing and do another.

Will my submissive be able to live up to my standards and rules?

Your submissive wants to please you, so setting unreasonable standards is sabotaging them to failure. In my view discipline is misused often in the context of Femdom… discipline is a tool for correcting unsatisfactory behaviour which is very different from “role playing” where a naughty boy gets spanked in playful fun. Keep your standards reasonable so they can succeed in the tasks being given (unless they are total humiliation sluts who want to fail always). There is nothing like the pleasure of success and the rewards that go with it (for both parties involved) …Mistakes are the portals of discovery. ALL mistakes will teach you (both) something.

What does my submissive need to remain in a power exchange relationship?

  • Do they need constant attention?
  • Do they need rewards?
  • Do they need time set aside each week for scenes?
  • Are they content just taking care of you?
  • Do they crave discipline or stern treatment?

Find out what they consider to be the most important things in a Femdom relationship and make sure to incorporate some of those needs in order to satisfy both of you. I could answer these questions for you, but in truth you both need to discuss this matter for yourself. What I find my submissive needs are, maybe very different from what your submissive needs, desires and wants to maintain the relationship.

Where will the power exchange exist? (bedroom only, home only, always, etc.)

If your sub is a exhibitionist and you are a very private person that submissive isn’t going to fly to the level they desire within their submission. Establishing these boundaries early on will help maintain that power exchange relationship only within the parameters established. Of course in time these limits can and often do change so communication is essential as you both grow and explore your relationship.

What are my responsibilities to my submissive?

Time to look inside again…are You willing to shoulder the responsibility that this entails? Being a Dominant encompasses a lot more than just getting your rocks off. Another human being is part of the partnership, and as the one in charge, You have a duty to see that this takes place as safely, as possible. The submissive you find may desire being hurt, are you willing to maintain a state of control, with one foot grounded in the present, to ensure that hurt does not become harm? If you lack the self-control to do this, please leave your fantasies in the realm of dreams

If someone is going to entrust you with their life then you are going to have some serious responsibilities. Once you find activities that interest you, you will need to learn how to do these activities safely. In addition taking a first aid course is highly encouraged for anyone pursuing a Femdom relationship – especially if your submissive is over 40 or has a history of heart problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, seizures, asthma, etc. Knowing how to care for your submissive partner when they are not capable of taking care of themselves IS the responsibility of the Mistress.

Now it is time to talk to Your prospective partner about safety. There are several things to learn about here: NEGOTIATION, SAFE WORDS, AND SAFE PLANS.( you can find more links in our resource section)

What are my submissives responsibilities to me

If your submissive gets injured it is your responsibility, if your submissive is struggling with flash backs of anxiety attacks it is your responsibility to care for your sub. They are trusting you with their very lives, this is a serious responsibility. But that being said your submissive has a responsibility to take care of your needs as well. They need to know when your energy is low. They need to know how to read your reactions and to assess your requirements. They also have a responsibility to communicate candidly.

Answers are only found when we begin to question why.

Knowledge IS power so the more you know, the more you are able to use in pushing beyond where you are now to where you desire to be tomorrow.

Article by MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com

Further Resources:

Aftercare 

Aftercare is an essential aspect of any BDSM scene or play. It refers to the care and attention given to participants after engaging in intense activities. Whether you identify as a submissive or dominant, aftercare is crucial for emotional and physical well-being. Aftercare helps in the transition from an intense scene back to a state of normalcy. It allows for emotional grounding, physical recovery, and the nurturing of the bond between participants. It can also help prevent subdrop or Dommedrop, which are emotional and physical lows experienced after intense play. It is a very important part of how to do Femdom activities


10 Commandments 

There are several things a submissive can do to help themselves to help Dommes, that are simple in form and structure but often forgotten about. Being submissive is more than groaning in pleasure on que! Learning how to Femdom the right way is very important.


Top hints and tricks 

When first getting into the scene and learning about Femdom, it can often be somewhat intimidating to try playing with SM, especially if neither of you have done it before. Here’s this wonderful person, who wants you to dominate them. You tie them up, and they’re helpless, wriggling with anticipation and lust… and now what do you do?


Mistress primer 

Want to be the best Mistress? Most new starting out think the beginning is learning how to tie that perfect knot or create that perfect scene. Many forget the begining in the Femdom lifestyle starts internal with personality traits.


Fledgling Dommes 

I think I’m a Domme, how can I find my way? How to become a Mistress, answers?


Starting out Domme 

You’re Domme so what now ? How to start out Femdom relationships. How do you get the wisdom, trust worthy reputation experience to find the Love of your Life (or – in the meantime – someone wonderful to play with)?


sub husband help

So you’ve just found out your husband is submissive, where do you go from here. A candid look at wives journey when her Husband introduced her to Femdom.


Punishment

How do I punish? What should I do? What do you punish?

When it comes to punishment in BDSM relationships, it’s important to remember that each Dominant has their own unique approach and requirements. What works for one may not work for another, and it’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your partner to establish boundaries and expectations.

In order for any punish to be successful you need Clear Expectations: Before engaging in any BDSM Femdom activities, it’s crucial to establish clear expectations and boundaries with your submissive. This includes discussing what behaviors may warrant punishment and what the consequences may be.


Sex Talk

When it comes to intimacy, communication plays a vital role in enhancing the overall experience. It’s no surprise that many individuals find pleasure in hearing spicy talks during sexual encounters. In fact, the power of a seductive voice can often be more arousing than physical stimulation itself. This is why telephone sex has gained such popularity.

For those who are new to the world of talking sexy, it can be a bit daunting to get started, especially if you’re used to keeping silent in the bedroom. However, embracing this form of communication can take your relationship to a new level of intimacy. So, don’t be afraid to embrace the power of words and let your voice guide you to new levels of eroticism in the bedroom.


Diffidence 

Any Femdom (a female dominant) at the beginning of her being involved in BDSM activities does face some problems which prevent her from getting pleasure of what she is doing. Actually any dominant can have his or her own problems as people differ and have their own psychological peculiarities. However, there are some problems common for any Femdom, such as: fear of not being up to stereotypes, lack of self-confidence and lack of skill in scenario planning.


BBWs 

Men Who Love BBWs Admirers or Fetishists?


Inner Mistress 

Waking up your inner Mistress

tease, Humiliate 

Want your male submissive begging for more? ideas and suggestions to build on. As published by MissBonnie in German Bondage Guide.

The importance of Honesty and trust

Explore the dynamics of Femdom relationships, focusing on the essential elements of honesty and trust. Learn how mutual consent, open communication, and respect for boundaries foster a healthy and fulfilling connection. Discover strategies for maintaining emotional intimacy and dealing with breaches of trust, ensuring a resilient and thriving relationship.

The Joy of Male Submission Within Femdom

Explore the psychological and emotional dimensions of male submission in Femdom relationships. Learn how trust, vulnerability, and the desire to please foster deep connections and mutual respect. Discover the benefits of male submission for both partners, including personal growth, emotional bonding, and a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries.

Scenario planning is an essential aspect of BDSM play, as it helps create a safe and consensual environment for all participants. New Femdoms or those just feeling burnt out, many initially struggle with developing and executing engaging scenarios. This can be attributed to a lack of experience or knowledge in this area. Engaging in research, attending workshops, and seeking guidance from experienced dominants can help you enhance your skills in scenario planning. We can help you further with this in our online Community.

In conclusion, you, like any Female dominant, may face certain challenges when starting their journey in BDSM. Overcoming the fear of stereotypes, building self-confidence, and improving scenario planning skills are common areas of growth for Dommes. By embracing your own unique style, seeking support, and continuously learning, you can navigate these challenges and find pleasure in your Femdom activities with your partner.

we can help more than just this resource section:


studyBDSM and studyFemdom – Don’t forget we also have various Free Femdom/BDSM educational and emotional support programs on CollarNcuffs. We can help you if you wish, 100 percent for FREE. No catch!


Such as FREE PROGRAM: Help, my husband wants me to be his Domme and FREE PROGRAM: Femdom 101 for those just starting out with Femdom needing to learn the basics in Female Dominance. Please join our COMMUNITY to request access, all access is 100% free.We invite you to join our community of like-minded individuals who share your interests in femdom and BDSM. Engage with our 100% Free content, leave comments, share your experiences. Meet fellow Kinksters. Chat and interact one on one. Your feedback is invaluable and helps us to continuously improve the content we offer.

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its actually really hard being a fledgling Dominant.

How do you get the wisdom, trust worthy reputation experience to find the Love of your Life (or – in the meantime – someone wonderful to play with)?

Anyone got good ideas for our newer list members?

Some ideas picked up along the way (and by no means exhaustive)

1 thyself.

  • Have a long hard think about if and why you identify as Dominant. do you love it? you don’t really know. Embark on your journey into D/s to find the answers out for yourself, don’t pretend you have them all already.

2 Read Read and more reading

  • I found that it helped to read up on the technical side first. Choose your own favorites. No doubt there are loads of web sites and mailing lists like this one to read as well. discriminating about what you read in mail lists and web sites. There is a vast difference between D/s fantasy and the practice in real life. A lot of very wise sounding advice is given online, but question how much of it is based on practical experience (including the inevitable making of mistakes!!). takes a long while to work out who is for real and who is spinning a (lovely) fantasy. However, reading about BDSM is a bit like reading cookbooks. cannot learn to cook until you try it.

3 out

  • We have heaps of BDSM clubs, parties and dungeons in Victoria (Chains, Hush Now, Perversity, Purgatory, Abode, CyberBall to name a few), so there’s no excuse for staying at home reading the net!!

4 all the other Dominants you can

  • It helps enormously to make friends with other Dominants. of them. experience and gravitas in your local scene will eventually rub off on you! most of them are egotistical enough (me included!!) to like the idea of taking a new Dominant under their wing. dead easy to convince some Tops to give you impromptu lessons in slave training, flogging, bondage etc love to talk!!

5 trying

  • However, it can be hard to befriend some "Dominants" because they Know It All and have a really tedious need to dominate everyone (not just their own sub/s). might also get snubbed by the occasional “Queen of the Scene” (happens to me all the time!)Don’t give up – I believe that every city’s scene has Dominants that are mature (and secure) enough to properly befriend and mentor new Dominants. Go to events, meet lots of people and seek out the Dominants that strike you as approachable and reasonably well liked (ESPECIALLY by other Dominants. easy to fool some of the subs some of the time, but if a "Dominant" cannot get along with other Dominants, then they definitely have problems

6 Choose a same sex mentor (unless you are gay)

  • It may seem easier to seek out mentors of the opposite sex, but be conscious that Dominants can have totally explosive chemistry with one another. starts out as a bit of flirtation can turn into a wild ride of switching, mind fucks and power games. is why a lot of Masters and Mistresses are love partners – and all power to them. as a new Dominant in search of self, I don’t recommend it (yet;)

7 your time

  • Notice I haven’t suggested run around like Lady Headless chook looking for submissives to play with? you can advertise like crazy all over the net and hang around the walls at every club, but what have you got to offer? Instead, push yourself to meet people of all persuasions (tops, bottoms, fetishists, male, female) and take a real interest in their lifestyle and personal choices. will help you discover your own style of Dominance, define your expectations and introduce you to potential partners.

8 Stay real

  • Most of all, stay yourself. to be A Real Dominant (what ever the hell that is) is doomed to failure. ‘T tell fibs exaggerating your experience or skill. bit of humility and grace goes a long way. egos, low self esteem and dishonesty are NOT Dominant and everyone else knows it. If you are genuine, self assured, approachable and dominant without being domineering (they are TOTALLY different things), your submissive will find you. than you think.

9 Pass it on

  • And remember that one day you will no longer be a newbie, and then it will be your turn to hold out the hand of friendship to newcomers.

largely reprinted from my articles posted elsewhere – so apologies to those who have heard it all before or BDSM if you aren’t strictly into D/s – I use the expressions pretty interchangeably …

Article MissBitch & MissBonnie CollarNccuffs.com

Additional resources

Aftercare 

Aftercare is an essential aspect of any BDSM scene or play. It refers to the care and attention given to participants after engaging in intense activities. Whether you identify as a submissive or dominant, aftercare is crucial for emotional and physical well-being. Aftercare helps in the transition from an intense scene back to a state of normalcy. It allows for emotional grounding, physical recovery, and the nurturing of the bond between participants. It can also help prevent subdrop or Dommedrop, which are emotional and physical lows experienced after intense play. It is a very important part of how to do Femdom activities


10 Commandments 

There are several things a submissive can do to help themselves to help Dommes, that are simple in form and structure but often forgotten about. Being submissive is more than groaning in pleasure on que! Learning how to Femdom the right way is very important.


Top hints and tricks 

When first getting into the scene and learning about Femdom, it can often be somewhat intimidating to try playing with SM, especially if neither of you have done it before. Here’s this wonderful person, who wants you to dominate them. You tie them up, and they’re helpless, wriggling with anticipation and lust… and now what do you do?


Mistress primer 

Want to be the best Mistress? Most new starting out think the beginning is learning how to tie that perfect knot or create that perfect scene. Many forget the begining in the Femdom lifestyle starts internal with personality traits.


Fledgling Dommes 

I think I’m a Domme, how can I find my way? How to become a Mistress, answers?


Starting out Domme 

You’re Domme so what now ? How to start out Femdom relationships. How do you get the wisdom, trust worthy reputation experience to find the Love of your Life (or – in the meantime – someone wonderful to play with)?


sub husband help

So you’ve just found out your husband is submissive, where do you go from here. A candid look at wives journey when her Husband introduced her to Femdom.


Punishment

How do I punish? What should I do? What do you punish?

When it comes to punishment in BDSM relationships, it’s important to remember that each Dominant has their own unique approach and requirements. What works for one may not work for another, and it’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your partner to establish boundaries and expectations.

In order for any punish to be successful you need Clear Expectations: Before engaging in any BDSM Femdom activities, it’s crucial to establish clear expectations and boundaries with your submissive. This includes discussing what behaviors may warrant punishment and what the consequences may be.


Sex Talk

When it comes to intimacy, communication plays a vital role in enhancing the overall experience. It’s no surprise that many individuals find pleasure in hearing spicy talks during sexual encounters. In fact, the power of a seductive voice can often be more arousing than physical stimulation itself. This is why telephone sex has gained such popularity.

For those who are new to the world of talking sexy, it can be a bit daunting to get started, especially if you’re used to keeping silent in the bedroom. However, embracing this form of communication can take your relationship to a new level of intimacy. So, don’t be afraid to embrace the power of words and let your voice guide you to new levels of eroticism in the bedroom.


Diffidence 

Any Femdom (a female dominant) at the beginning of her being involved in BDSM activities does face some problems which prevent her from getting pleasure of what she is doing. Actually any dominant can have his or her own problems as people differ and have their own psychological peculiarities. However, there are some problems common for any Femdom, such as: fear of not being up to stereotypes, lack of self-confidence and lack of skill in scenario planning.


BBWs 

Men Who Love BBWs Admirers or Fetishists?


Inner Mistress 

Waking up your inner Mistress

tease, Humiliate 

Want your male submissive begging for more? ideas and suggestions to build on. As published by MissBonnie in German Bondage Guide.

The importance of Honesty and trust

Explore the dynamics of Femdom relationships, focusing on the essential elements of honesty and trust. Learn how mutual consent, open communication, and respect for boundaries foster a healthy and fulfilling connection. Discover strategies for maintaining emotional intimacy and dealing with breaches of trust, ensuring a resilient and thriving relationship.

The Joy of Male Submission Within Femdom

Explore the psychological and emotional dimensions of male submission in Femdom relationships. Learn how trust, vulnerability, and the desire to please foster deep connections and mutual respect. Discover the benefits of male submission for both partners, including personal growth, emotional bonding, and a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries.

Scenario planning is an essential aspect of BDSM play, as it helps create a safe and consensual environment for all participants. New Femdoms or those just feeling burnt out, many initially struggle with developing and executing engaging scenarios. This can be attributed to a lack of experience or knowledge in this area. Engaging in research, attending workshops, and seeking guidance from experienced dominants can help you enhance your skills in scenario planning. We can help you further with this in our online Community.

In conclusion, you, like any Female dominant, may face certain challenges when starting their journey in BDSM. Overcoming the fear of stereotypes, building self-confidence, and improving scenario planning skills are common areas of growth for Dommes. By embracing your own unique style, seeking support, and continuously learning, you can navigate these challenges and find pleasure in your Femdom activities with your partner.

we can help more than just this resource section:


studyBDSM and studyFemdom – Don’t forget we also have various Free Femdom/BDSM educational and emotional support programs on CollarNcuffs. We can help you if you wish, 100 percent for FREE. No catch!


Such as FREE PROGRAM: Help, my husband wants me to be his Domme and FREE PROGRAM: Femdom 101 for those just starting out with Femdom needing to learn the basics in Female Dominance. Please join our COMMUNITY to request access, all access is 100% free.We invite you to join our community of like-minded individuals who share your interests in femdom and BDSM. Engage with our 100% Free content, leave comments, share your experiences. Meet fellow Kinksters. Chat and interact one on one. Your feedback is invaluable and helps us to continuously improve the content we offer.

Posted on

Topping Tips hints, tricks and more

When first getting into the scene, it can often be somewhat intimidating to try playing with SM, especially if neither of you have done it before. Here’s this wonderful person, who wants you to dominate them. You tie them up, and they’re helpless, wriggling with anticipation and lust… and now what do you do?

Play with them!

There are all kinds of common objects that produce intense and enjoyable sensations when applied to a helpless lover. Combs for dragging across the skin, feathers for tickling a frantic foot, clothespins (use a couple or use many in artistic rows–these can be as intense as you want to make them!), ice cubes, chocolate syrup, strawberries (ever see 9 1/2 Weeks?), leather belts for slapping or spanking, hairbrushes for scuffing or beating, and of course your own fingers, mouth, genitals, and everything else. Enjoy taking your time with your willing victim; drive them to distraction, then bring them to the edge of ecstasy, then back off and make them beg for more!

leather corset
leather corset

Remember

you can set the mood as you wish. You can be playful, amused at your own ineptitude even while your bottom is moaning with desire. You can be stern and commanding, sympathetic but nasty, jolly yet sadistic–anything you please. As long as you focus your attention on your bottom, your bottom will have a great time! Relax, go with the flow, and if you stop enjoying it, call safe word–tops can use safewords too.

Of course, there’s no need to feel like you need to put all your attention into pleasing your bottom; what’s a good slave for if not for pleasing their mistress? I’ve several times played with my boy friend and used him for my own selfish pleasure, giving little attention to hiss–and he loved it! But there is no doubt that with pleasure it is as good to give as to receive. Just remember, communicate, be sensitive to what your bottom is feeling, and you’ll have no problem.

The one thing that is quite important to remember as a top is that you are responsible for your bottom.

As you begin playing with Sand M, you may well be placing your bottom in situations in which he or she is physically helpless and/or emotionally vulnerable. It is important that you recognize they are placing a great deal of trust in you, and in your ability to handle any situations that may come up. If you’re in the middle of a hot scene, and suddenly someone unexpectedly bangs on the door, you may both be startled and shocked–but your bottom will be immediately looking to you for protection. If something happens that you didn’t expect, take care of your bottom _first_–reassure them that you’re not going to let anything happen to them, and then deal with the problem calmly and sensitively.

And don’t be limited by preconceptions of what you and ought and to be doing, or worries about how you’re not topping and correctly. and If you start to feel pressured or insecure, take a step back, and ask yourself what _you_ want out of the scene. Sometimes, when I’ve been bottoming for my boyfriend, he hasn’t been in the mood to play with me sexually–so he made me his slave and commanded me to… bathe him and wash him! This was lots of relaxed fun for both of us, and it let her unwind enough to keep playing the way _she_ wanted to play. Be honest, not only with your bottom, but with yourself. And if you are in the middle of a scene, and suddenly your honesty says I don’t want to be doing this or I don’t know what my partner wants, or even what I want, then by all means stop the scene–gracefully if possible. Better that than for the scene to drag on until both of you are sick of it.

If you still don’t have any ideas, and if your bottom is really hot to trot, you can always start playing with your bottom and getting them excited in whatever way you know how, and demand that they tell you a fantasy of theirs, or you’ll stop. Talking dirty to each other–trading hot fantasies, knowing that you can make then happen if you want to–is the best way I know of getting ideas for scenes. This actually goes for ALL sexual play, whether it involves Sand M or not! Still stuck try the community for ideas or one of our free eLearning programs

If you want detailed descriptions of positions, possible scenes, and so forth, you would do well to find a copy of _Sensual Magic_ or _SM 101_. and order some mail-order catalogs of Sand M books; lots of ideas!). Or, post with your questions to the forum or here on CollarNcuffs.com, Asking for any and all suggestions.

Article by MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com

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Femdom teasing ideas

Domme in latex

This is a list of suggested ideas and activities for Dominant Women to use on their submissive men. I’ve written this list because I enjoyed compiling it and I hope people will continue to send comments and additions It could be used as a starting point for couples who would like some new ideas or don’t know where to start. This list is not meant as a “how too list” but just meant to spark ideas for the newly dominant woman, as I suggest she finds her own style.

Here are a few fantastic ideas on how to tease, humiliate, punish, and torment your favorite male submissive. . Have fun!!

  • -As a basis for various games a couple rolls of the dice to see where his future lies, spin the wheel… someone mentioned using the daily lottery numbers for determining the ‘punishment of the day’…)

List of teases:

  • – Tease Your slave to get him to the point where he’ll “Do Anything to please You”
  • – Make him strip naked while You keep Your clothes on.
  • – Don’t let him masturbate or touch his cock without Your permission at any time while he is Your slave.
  • – Have him kneel before You and kiss Your feet.
  • – Tie his hands and have him undress you with his mouth/teeth. Old stockings make great ties if you have none.
  • – Have him address you as ‘Mistress’ or any name you feel good hearing, I find my name just doesn’t set the ‘scene’ as well as mistress and gives My subs a verbal enforcer as to who is in charge.
  • – Have him kiss Your ass…make him beg to kiss Your ass.
  • -Scratch him with your finger nails.
  • – Tie his hands behind his back. Have him kneel with knees spread naked in front of You while you read or watch TV, occasionally nudging his balls or penis with Your shoes.
  • – Use some strong string (kite string), tie a slip noose in the end and tighten it around the head of the penis, tug on it, pull it shake it, lead him with it, whatever pleases you.
  • – Show Your slave your panty crotch, make him smell it, but no touching without permission.
  • – Tie your slave spread eagle to the bed and tease him for hours. Make sure he has a big hard on, but once he does only touch it when he needs just a little more encouragement, don’t let him cum.
  • – Either order him to stay erect, or don’t give him permission to have a hard on… either way, punish him if he fails!
  • -Put on his favorite lingerie and tease him with Your beauty.
  • -Tickle him. Pinch his nipples.
  • -Sit on his chest and find out what he would do to be allowed to kiss your nipple. let him almost kiss it but pull away, make him beg !.
  • -Squat above his face, make him reach with his tongue to taste the crotch of your panties…get more promises
  • – Make him lick the dildo clean.
  • -Blindfold him and make him lick you to several orgasms. Take a break, cum back and do it all again.
  • – Rub his face against your pussy or sit on his face, but gag him with your panties or a gag so that he can’t lick you.
  • – Tie his balls off to something behind him so he has to tug on them to smell Your panties or kiss your ass…stay just out of reach.
  • – Masturbate in front of him. Use a dildo or a vibrator. (little hint look him fair and square in the eyes)
  • – Put the base of the dildo in his mouth and make him satisfy You with it. Do it so his nose presses between Your ass cheeks. He’ll be Your little brown nose and love it.
  • -Make him wear a cock ring (a watch strap or cat collar works well)
  • – Tie him down to the bed and tie his hands to his penis but do not give him permission to cum with harsh punishments for disobedience.
  • -Take a break, put some worn panties over his face and leave the room for a while and let him think about what else you might do.
  • – Put Your worn panties over his head so he can smell your odor.

List of Humiliations:

Once he’ll “Do Anything to please You” here’s some ideas that will keep Your slave attentive and in his proper place, and will hopefully be entertaining for You.

  • – Make him wear Your panties or lingerie, dress him up as a little girl or a French maid.
  • – Make him do housework naked or dressed in women’s clothes.
  • -Make him hand wash your panties and lingerie.
  • – Have him pamper you, have him:
  • – give you a foot/back/full body massage/rub moisturizer all over your body.
  • – give you a pedicure/manicure,
  • – paint your finger/toe nails.
  • – bathe you/shave your legs.
  • – Make him polish your shoes with his tongue.
  • – Make him wear a collar and lead him around with a leash, like a dog.
  • -have him drink out of a bowl on the floor no hands.
  • – cook and serve you a nice dinner. (naked is even better ;-))
  • – Make him masturbate for You, make him beg for permission to cum, don’t let him, punish him if he does
  • – Always make him lick you clean after sex.
  • – Tie it off in front of the sink while he does the dishes.
  • – Dress him up like the slut that he is, wear a strap-on dildo and make him beg to suck it. fuck him. (don’t forget the fuck-me red lipstick! Or the sissy and sassy Barbie pink!)
  • – Make him wear Your panties or lingerie under his regular clothes when he goes out or goes to work so that he will think of his Mistress constantly.
  • – Order him to bring himself to the edge of orgasm and stay there until you give him permission. When you give the command he must cum within 5 seconds or he will be punished and/or not allowed to cum at all. (keep him that way for 30 minutes, an hour…or as long as you want)
  • – Make him screw himself with a dildo.
  • – Attach a leash to his balls or cock ring, and lead him around with that.
  • – Make him earn his rewards; for example:
  • -Allow him to kiss your ass after the dishes are done.
  • -1 minute of pleasure for him for 10 minutes of yours.
  • -5 minutes of pleasure for him after he makes you cum 5 times.
  • -Spank him 10 times for each minute it takes him to make You cum.
  • – If You think he’s earned an orgasm, make him cum on Your feet or your ass and then make him lick You clean.
  • – go out, order him to tie himself up, be naked or dressed up as a girl and be kneeling at the door for when You arrive.
  • Ride him around as your pony boy…spurs? a riding crop?
  • – Order him to bring himself to the edge of orgasm and stay there until You give him permission. When you give the command he must cum within 5 seconds or he will be punished and/or not allowed to cum at all. (keep him that way for 30 minutes, an hour…or as long as you want)
  • -you may want to curb his interest by ordering him to jerk off 5 or 6 times in a row. Use it as skin conditioner… 3 times on each foot, have him spread it around and lick them clean after each time.
  • -have him masturbate with a handful of uncooked rice if he is annoying.
  • – Lock a padlock on his balls. (Don’t loose the key! )
  • -Have him wear a pink bow with your name written on it tied to his cock all day (a good way to remind them who they belong too)
  • – Give him a golden shower. (shower works well for this if you don’t want mess)
  • – Make him think of a new way for You to humiliate him. Punish him if you don’t think it’s good enough. Make him post it to the net (and send it to me to add to the list)

List of Punishments:

If he’s not performing to Your satisfaction, or you just feel the need to assert Your right to punish Your slave. If you don’t like inflecting pain there are other ways to make him uncomfortable and will still work to maintain you dominance over him.

  • -Tie him in an uncomfortable position.
  • – Tie his ankles together and attach his balls to them.
  • – Hog tied. (wrists and ankles tied together)
  • – Spank or whip him. (wooden spoon, hair brush, belt, ruler, ping pong paddle, riding crop, switch, cat-o-nine tails (look in the kitchen heaps of play toys.)
  • – In a chair with his knees pulled up to his shoulders – good for spanking and everything is exposed and vulnerable.
  • – Tie up his balls and cock with a long leather thong, clothes line, or boot lace. Use a long piece, and wrap the base and balls repeatedly. Do each ball separately. Tie tight loops around his shaft from base to tip then tie the end off back between his legs and up to a belt or to his handcuffs.
  • – Make him wear a chastity belt or cock cage.
  • – Hanging from the ceiling by his wrists
  • -Attach clothes pins or nipple clips to his nipples, balls, cock or wherever.
  • – Put a butt plug in his ass. Or get out the strap-on.
  • – Enema.
  • – Put Ben-gay or icy-hot on his penis and nipples.
  • – Double up on his domestic chores, make them more difficult: tie his hands; make him use a toothbrush to clean the toilet, tie his ankles with a short chain and make him wear extra high heels.
  • – Deny him orgasms for a long period of time.
  • -Put a butt plug in his ass. Or get out the strap-on.
  • – Drip candle wax on him.
  • – Have him lick You clean after you pee.
  • – Humiliate him in public…take him shopping for panties/lingerie
  • Make him do exercises (jumping jacks, leg spreads, squats, aerobics…) (Ballet is always good for a laugh )

Article by MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com (Also published by MissBonnie in German Bondage guide)

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