Category: BDSM and Femdom resources, Articles and Reviews.

A collection of dominant and submissive educational articles for learning about all things Femdom

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BDSM and Media

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Media coverage is extremely important when it comes to the image the world has about any group in society. It may even be decisive. And as for any other group, this is true for the erotic power exchange world as well. Since erotic power exchange is attracting more interest in society, it is only logical the phenomena gets increased media coverage. In addition, the current trend – especially in audiovisual media – to try and cover more eroticism in general contributes extra to this trend.

Journalists trying to cover the subject are faced with various difficulties and complications – the most important being the complexity of the subject as well as the difficulty to find people who feel comfortable with talking about their most intimate emotions in mass media. Next to that, to an outsider it is not easy to understand the cultural differences within the group and the subject takes up quite a bit of research and/or pre-production time as well as space or air time to cover it in a more serious way.

“The scene” does not exist

Despite what general opinion would like people to believe, there is no such thing as “an EPE (or BDSM) scene”. Instead there are different cultures, different sexual preferences and most of all individuals and couples practicing or just fantasizing about power dynamics in an erotic setting. One of the main difficulties is that – as a result of the very individual determination of sexual behavior in general and with that erotic power exchange – it is extremely hard, if not entirely impossible to find common denominators. Hence talking to one or two people will only sketch THEIR views. These may be significantly different from others and are most certainly not THE views or opinions.

First of all, there are very distinct differences in culture, based on sexual preference. Homosexual EPE is very different in many aspects from its heterosexual equivalent. Homosexual men are – in their EPE-emotions – very different from homosexual women and within the heterosexual world the first main difference should be made between the Maledom/femsub (dominant man/submissive woman) and the Femdom(me)/malesub (dominant woman/submissive man) cultures. When concentrating on the heterosexual “world” only, one of the major differences is the fact that the Femdom(me) culture is dominated by women, who have made a profession out of their nature; a phenomena that is almost non-existent in the Maledom/femsub culture (although there are professional submissive women and -albeit extremely few – professional dominant men).

Most of the literature available is about homosexual erotic power exchange, where power dynamics are different, the culture is much outward oriented and – although this a dangerous generalization – generally speaking, more rough. In addition, there are many technical differences between homosexual and heterosexual EPE. Another very important consideration is that sexuality between members of the same sex is entirely different from sexuality between members of the opposite sex. Beyond these major variances, there are many other heterosexual-specific concerns, such as the fact that a heterosexual couple will usually be confronted with having to raise children. It is, therefore, impossible to rely on available literature when it comes to form an undistorted opinion on heterosexual erotic power exchange.

The image of erotic power exchange is, to a large extent, generated by both pornography on one end and one-sided, dysfunction-oriented clinical and scientific research. Hence the picture the media paint – for understandable reasons – is a picture very few erotic power exchange people would recognize. One of the main reasons for this sullied view of EPE is the fact that it is difficult for media to get people to talk about their emotions. The majority of people interviewed – since they are usually the only ones available – are people who are commercially active in the erotic power exchange world – predominantly dominatrixes. These people usually and again understandable, have a one-sided image. Professional EPE-activity is a commercial enterprise with the aim to make profit, not to express the person’s own feelings towards a partner. Since the vast majority of EPE-professionals are dominatrixes, they will attract a very specific type of person, in particular submissive men. Very few of the clients a professional dominatrix has, have an active erotic power exchange relationship with their partner. And, the professionals interviewed have an entirely different agenda. Their motive is not to give unprejudiced information about their subject. Their first objective is to attract (more) clients and the immediate second motive is to make sure they stand out from their colleagues.

A picture based on alternate motives

Unfortunately, the EPE image is predominantly influenced by several elements all of which have ulterior motives. Non of them have had or currently have the objective to communicate unprejudiced information. Let’s make an interesting list of the four most influential factors on the image of erotic power exchange:

Science

The majority of scientific publications on the subject originate from the psychological/psychiatric field. None of these publications deals with the power exchange between healthy, well-adjusted people, capable to make safe, sane, consensual, well-informed and conscious decisions. Instead, all these publications deal with people seeking help (usually from the author) and have been written primarily to advocate either one specific opinion or one specific treatment by one specific therapist. Unfortunately, there is no broad, large scale research available on the phenomena of EPE. It is estimated that as much as 30 percent of the adult population has erotic power exchange fantasies and is (potentially) active in this area. The largest group that has ever been the subject of research is a group from approximately two hundred people from one country. This can hardly be called representative for the world-wide group, hence all conclusions should not be projected on the entire population. Unfortunately, this happens all too frequently.

Furthermore, much of the available scientific research available and quoted, is extremely outdated. This is especially true for politicians, legislators and lawyers in many countries, who will go back and cite research that is at least thirty or forty years old. Whereas no court or scientific body in the world would accept other (semi)medical data that old as a basis for judgment, when it comes to erotic power exchange this is still generally accepted.

Pornography and pseudo-experts

These two groups are mentioned in one header deliberately because pseudo-experts predominantly style themselves on the pictures painted by pornography, sometimes cleverly validating themselves and their views by misquoting scientists. Both pornography and pseudo-experts have only one objective: to sell as many books, articles, magazines or videos and CD’s as they possibly can. Erotic power exchange-related pornography is mainly sold to people who are NOT active in erotic power exchange. Much of what is sold is – unfortunately – quite often mistaken for information, especially by people who are new to the subject. The picture painted is not meant to give information, but instead, is meant to indulge fantasy. In these situations fantasy does not have to become reality, and when it comes to erotic power exchange, hardly ever does fully.

Media

Without making any judgments here, the media plays an important role in the image-building. Next to the difficulties sketched above – the fact that it is indeed extremely difficult to depict a clear image of EPE and the unintentional effect of dominatrixes – it is obvious that excess-oriented journalism does not help and, again, does not have the objective of communicating factual and independent information, but has the objective of selling copy as well as entertaining.

The “community” itself

Even though the various support groups put a lot of effort in trying to inform and educate, their efforts reflect the average lack of experience in mass communication as well as the variety of opinions that even the EPE community itself holds. None of the support groups, not even larger national groups like the USA National Leather Association, have any critical sway in the EPE community, compared to the number of people interested in the subject. This is again the result of both the variety of opinions held as well as the different cultures. Individual subgroups are only just finding out they have a different identity from other like-minded people. This is new and somewhat disturbing to many and it is difficult for groups as well as individuals to find and identify with a “new” identity.

These support groups are small. They do not have one-tenth of the budget, that scientists and especially pornography producers can use. There for it is a very uneven battle, trying to fight the misinformation with little more than a personal computer and a xerox-machine, when resources in the pornography industry are huge.

Finally, there are the well meant efforts of individuals, especially on the Internet, to try and build personal home pages that provide “information”. Such information is usually highly individual (and as such useful for identification purposes) and of little or no relevance for a more general informational approach.The bottom line is that the information/misinformation ratio is about 10:90. It is no wonder the image the outside world has is the wrong image; an image that has very little to do with the day-to-day practice of erotic power exchange.



©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm. He was the chairman for powerotics Foundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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Are “We” Different?

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It is actually amazing to see people – outsiders especially – struggle with the phenomenon of BDSM (erotic power exchange if you like). It is, however, just as amazing to see that “the community” seems to forget about the obvious, when it comes to explaining what it is we do.

First this. There is a difference between “defending” and “explaining”. And that, in itself, is a power ritual.

When operating from the “defending” position the defender de facto places him/herself in the underdog position and, through the act of defending, the defender implicitely agrees that he/she is being attacked and – again implicitly – acknowledges that there is a reason for this attack, no matter how futile this reason may be.

Coming form the “explaining” (teaching or informing, if you like) position, he/she who explains places him/herself in an entirely different position: as an equal in the power-situation or – especially in a teaching-situation – in an even more powerful position. Personally, I prefer the the explaining-position, when it comes to talking to outsiders about BDSM.

Back to the subject at hand.

BDSM is nothing but an explicit (magnified) form of power play between people. And not necessarily limited to the sexuality-issue. In fact, the sexual connotations are probably part of the power-instruments, partners/players have in a BDSM-situation. That is why it would be very helpful if any research on BDSM would be taken OUT of the sexuality corner and into the corner where it belongs: sociology and anthropology – i.e. the sciences of the human behavior patterns and cultures.

BDSM doesn’t belong (or at best only partially belongs) in the field dominated by therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors.

Why, you might ask.

Power dynamics are as normal (and essential) to the human race as eating, drinking, breathing and sleeping. In other words: without it, the human race just doesn’t function the way it does. And neither does any society, human or animal. Just look at a society of monkeys, or lions, or elephants, or starfish and you’ll see power patterns. Patterns that are different from the human ones, but still power patterns. And these power patterns (next to such things as feeding and hunting) almost always apply to sexuality as well. Makes sense, since from an evolutionary point of view reproduction is priority number one. Keeping the species alive and in tact is even more important than breathing or feeding. Evolution doesn’t care if you die – as long as make sure you have taken care of your offspring, so the species continues to exist.

Reproduction = sexuality = inherent power dynamics!

Overpowering is natural (and genetically encoded) and in principle evolution again doesn’t care about moral, legislation and other norms and values. It just cares about reproduction and adaption. And – quite frankly it doesn’t matter who (male or female) takes the initiative – one partner will make sure he or she gets what he/she wants from an evolutionary point of view. Which is: mixing strong genes with other strong genes.

Since adaptation for any species is just as important as reproduction (reproduction in itself is useless if the species doesn’t adapt as well) norms and values are important and as a result will probably become an important part of the lovemaking/reproduction RITUAL. And ritual is the key word in any power driven situation. Ritual and conventions.

Here we go. Laborers and employers have their own rituals, when it comes to playing out the power dynamics between them – for example to gain better wages. Of course everyone knows that strikes will eventually lead to negotiations and to an end-result. So if we know we’ll need to negotiate sooner or later, what’s the use of a strike or a demonstration? Well, that is the power ritual. And that power ritual is part of the power-dynamics. Much like a mating ritual, actually. Fight first, become friends afterward and find a solution. The ritual is needed to allow both sides to later explain they were the winner. To each other as well as to the ones they represent. And even more important: the entire powerplay was an effective method to show how much they CARE!

Similar power rituals exist in politics. They do not always seem to make sense, but at least you might argue that since they’ve been around for centuries, we (the human race) apparently need them. And again the “we are showing we care” argument is just as important as the ritualistic behavior towards each other.

Similar principles apply in schools, or in economic competition, or in the workplace, or ….. well, you name it. There is hardly any area in a human life where there are no power dynamics involved, one way or another. So power dynamics are part of the way we (the human race) behave. Hence it is no surprise power dynamics will also play a role in the sexuality between partners. And they do – even in a non-BDSM context.

So power rituals in a sexual context are nothing new and nothing special. Showing you have power in many cases means: you care!

Hence sexual power play doesn’t belong in the “therapist corner”. You need to eat, otherwise you can’t have sex. That doesn’t turn food-science into an area for sexologists and therapists. You need to work in order to stay alive (and actually your economical success has a huge influence on your ability to mate). That doesn’t make economics the area area of psychologists.

In other words: power behavior is normal human behavior and power behavior in (or with) a sexual context is no different.

Next question: is magnifying the power dynamics in a sexual context any different from other power situations?

By designing a system where – and not only for practical reasons – we elect people to represent our interests when it comes to shaping and controlling the general society, the human race implicitly acknowledges that politics is a profession (although many might argue they’re not) and that an explicit power system is useful. If not, why do we need elections and (probably more importantly) “winners”? Why do we need different ideologies when we could just as well design a system, based on the concept on what is needed and reasonable? One answer is that the human race again needs to be able to see these power struggles going on and as a result identify with the winner of the battle.

The economy simple does not work without competition, although it would probably make a lot more sense to simply share what we have and – as a planet – work together to preserve the planet and grow what we need.

Still, life doesn’t work that way. An important part of marketing is that people want to share the success (of a brand or a product) in order to be able to identify with it. Again we need winners – someone or something with a strong power appeal.

And then we’re not even talking about the appeal of sports!

Not everyone wants to be part of a “power circle”. Not everyone becomes a politician, or a salesman, or an athlete. Some do. In sports, ahtletes are pretty useless without spectators.

In economics, products (and hence product-designers and marketeers) are useless without people buying them. And politicians are useless without the electorate.

So in any situation a small group magnifies the power-dynamics within that groups and plays and works with it. Hence, it only makes sense to expect a group of people to do the same in their lovemaking/sexuality. And yes, some do – they are “into BDSM”.

Apparently “we” are not much different.

But, there may be something else. “We” have things like fetishes, leather “uniforms” and power symbols such as whips.

Ritualistic behavior again is no different from other power situations. The powerful business world has its own symbols and rituals. Try entering a board-meeting in your jeans and T-shirt. No one will identify you are a powerful economical hotshot. However, dress sharp, buy an Armani suit, a tie, a cellphone, an attache-suitcase and an Audi or a Porsche and EVERYONE will recognize you as one. No different from leather trousers and a whip, I’d say.

A police uniform (among other things) is a symbol of power, so is the doctor’s white coat and the teacher’s jeans and sweater. Most members of any social group will tell you: “if you want to be one, look like one”. Show your colors. You don’t go to a baseball-match wearing your fishing outfit (and most certainly not wearing the colors of the club you do NOT support!).

Each social group – especially when it comes to the power dynamics within that group, has its own “fetishes” and rituals. Again, in sexual behavior things are no different. The “sexual power hotshots” (the BDSM-group) have their own. In principle, leather, whips and cuffs are no different from the Armani suit, the police-uniform and the baseball cap. Different in the way they look, but no different when it comes to function.

If the above is all true, is there any difference when it comes to “picking our battle grounds”, i.e. the “arena” where the power play is being exercised?

I’m afraid the answer again is: not really. Politics belong in their specific “houses”: the capitol, town hall, you name it. Legal battles belong in courthouses. Sports have their arenas and stadiums, the business world has its board and meeting rooms and BDSM has: its dungeons and the bedroom.

In other words: magnified power dynamics is nothing new, when it comes to general human behavior. And magnified power dynamics always require their specific environment, their specific rituals, behavior patterns, lingo, norms and values and fetishes and rituals.

So, no – “we” are no different. We’re actually very human.

©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm. He was the chairman for powerotics Foundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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What Is Erotic Power Exchange?

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Erotic power exchange is any situation where partners, of their own free will and choice, actively and willfully incorporate the power element in their lovemaking (and usually for a great deal in their relationship). Erotic power exchange is best known as either BDSM, S&M, D/s or sadomasochism, but these terms are all too limited, incorrect and all too frequently confused with stereotypes and forms of mental illness, which is why we like to call it Erotic Power Exchange (EPE).

The Holistic Approach

Allow us to quickly explain our view and approach. Not in order to try and force you into any direction, but to explain where we are coming from, so you will have a better understanding about the way, this online educational facility has been set up.

Erotic power exchange is a situation that incorporates – or often even encloses – spirit, body and mind and as a result will have an effect on each of these three areas that, together, make up the human being. As a result, we try to approach each area of the art of erotic power exchange on each of these levels who – in order to create the wholeness of the human being – are equally important and all deserve their, individual, attention. Erotic power exchange can take any shape or form within a relationship. From little things like blindfolding her when making love to anything like 24 hours a day, 7 days a week servitude.

The shape and form it takes totally depends upon the fantasies, situation, preferences and boundaries of the partners involved. As long as it is informed consensual, safe, sane and voluntary it is called erotic power exchange. If any or all of these four elements are missing, it is called abuse.

Next, erotic power exchange requires a specific environment. Call it a biosphere, if you like. What it requires is a very sound, honest and sincere relationship, intense and open communication, trust, a lot of mutual understanding, an open mind, lots of love and care and a fair bit of creativity. Which does not mean the relationship necessarily has to be a long term one. Even within a one-night-stand or casual situation all these requirements must be there – albeit probably on a less intense level – to make things work.

People will often ask: what is wrong with straight sex? Why add things like power exchange. Well, there is nothing wrong with straight sex. But there are people – such as yourself – who want more out of their relationship. Maybe even more out of life. These are the people that will identify the power element, present in every relationship, and start to work with it, magnify it, play with it, explore and experiment. In every day life all of us have to deal with power. Your boss’ power or political power for example, but not all of us become bosses or politicians or even take an interest in management or politics. The same is true for power within the sexual/relational context. Some do, some don’t.

Giving away power to your partner can be an immense erotic sensation. Being tied up, relatively helpless and being launched by your partner into your own fantasies and dreams – some people call that sub space – can be thrilling, relaxing and revealing at the same time. Pain, tickling and all sorts of other impulses – when administered with care and skill – can pump up your endorphins, giving you the same sensation sports people will sometimes feel. On the other hand, the dominant partner will feel the adrenaline and serotonine flow freely through his or her body, giving them a very powerful feeling and very intense and caring emotion at the same time. No, the people that do it don’t need the power element to be able to have an orgasm or an interesting and rewarding relationship, but yes, they do need the power element to be present and used in their relationship.

An umbrella for lots of different things

Erotic power exchange is a very individual, personal experience. That is why it is very hard to describe what it is exactly. The only element all these people – and that includes you – have in common is the fact that – for their own individual reasons – they are fascinated by the power element in a sexual/relational context. What they do, how they do it and why may be completely different things. Erotic power exchange is an umbrella argument. One couple may fill it in as tying her up in bed, another may be fascinated by the idea of a “strange” man walking into the bedroom capturing her and a third may have a relationship where he serves her in any aspect. Many others will look for the spiritual and personal growths, this may bring about. Others are in it for the kink. All of that is quite all right, as long as it feels good for you and it brings you what you are looking for.

Erotic power exchange is like golf: it is highly individual, you are the master of your own game and you are also your own referee. It is entirely about what you want to do. You do not have to copy others. You do not even have to agree with what others do. It is your game, your thoughts, your emotions and your fantasies. It is what you and your (future) partner share. It is being able to explore the borders of your mind and imagination in a very safe environment.

To many people erotic power exchange is not just about sex, but a lifestyle. Most people that do it will recognize it as something very personal, something very much belonging to themselves. To many it is a way to express themselves.

A definition of Erotic Power Exchange

Probably the most dangerous thing to do is to try and come up with definitions of erotic power exchange. Usually this will lead to furious discussions. However, the POWERotics Internet discussion group (one of the largest in its kind) managed to agree on a definition that seems a workable one as well as one that a large group of (Maledom/femsub oriented) people can agree upon. This is the definition, agreed upon by this group, plus the relevant notes about it.

  • * Erotic power exchange is defined as: voluntary and informed consensual acts of power exchange between consenting adults.
  • Voluntary is defined as: not having received or being promised any – financial or non-financial – incentive or reward in order to try and coerce or force any of the partners involved into actions they would not consent to without such reward or incentive; not otherwise being forced or coerced (either through physical, mental, economical or social force or overpowering) into actions any of the partners involved otherwise would not consent to, of the own free will of all partners involved.
  • Informed consensual is defined as: partners involved – prior to the act – have chosen voluntary to enter into acts of erotic power exchange and all partners involved – to the best of their knowledge – have made a serious effort to establish all other partners involved have a reasonable level of understanding of both the activities, they consented to, as well as the potential consequences and risks of such activities.
  • Adults are defined as: of legal age in their area or country. Should such legal age be under 18 years of age, adult is defined as 18 years of age or older.All of the above may sound a little over the top to you – and in fact, to a certain extent we agree. However, it IS the first ever attempt to come up with a definition that is workable and that, although probably a little bit too “legal” for those inside the community, makes perfectly clear where the lines are drawn between consensual erotic power exchange on one end and abuse or outright sick or criminal behavior on the other

Stigma & Truth

There are all sorts of knockdowns on the subject of erotic power exchange around, all of them often used by legislators as well as others who oppose erotic power exchange. All of these are based on assumed psychological or psychiatric “knowledge” or “facts”. The fact of the matter is that none of these are actually true or proven. We have collected the most common ones around and compared them with the real facts.

“Once you start, you will want more and more”

This is what pseudo-experts will introduce as the “stepping stone theory”.

In other words, once you have tasted the effects of, for example, pain, you will want more and more of it and it will end in excessive behavior and addiction. In fact there is no “stepping stone theory” (the term originates from research into the causes of drug-addiction in the late 1960’s and by the way the theory didn’t work in that area either) as far as erotic power exchange is concerned.

Fact number two is this. Like almost anything about erotic power exchange, there is hardly any serious and published scientific research on this subject. Next, nearly all research commonly referred to as being about EPE has been research done in individual cases or extremely small groups. Any conclusions, based on such research, are not valid for the entire group for simple statistical and mathematical reasons only, if nothing else. Research has predominantly been done by psychiatrists and psychologists – into cases that almost all relate to direct questions for help or significant health-related problems. And the objective of almost all of these articles is to promote the therapy of that particular therapist. General sociological research in the area of erotic power exchange is rare and, if available, has been done predominantly in the gay community or with such small – and country or area specific – research groups that it is impossible to draw any general conclusions in a responsible way.

Fact number three is that the reality of erotic power exchange shows an entirely different picture. People who are into erotic power exchange will usually start to experiment with it and in this experimental phase will usually want to explore all possibilities. As time progresses their emotions will settle down, pieces of the puzzle will fall into place and their wants and needs – once explored and identified – will settle down to the level that usually corresponds with the fantasies people originally had.

“The need to go into power exchange always hides a traumatic experience”

This knockdown is based on Freud who, as we all know, tried to explore the relationship between all sorts of human behavior – not only the sexual behavior – and (early) childhood experiences. His method is called psycho-analysis and in modern psychology is considered outdated and largely irrelevant. Although it is a fact that some people who are into erotic power exchange have a history of abuse or childhood trauma, a general connection has never been established. What may be true in individual cases most certainly is not true as a general argument. What research did establish is that there are no significant differences between the number of people with traumatic experiences in the erotic power exchange community than there are in any other group.

More recent research points to both genetic influences as well as to a creative and inquisitive mindset as factors that may be of influence to the development of erotic power exchange feelings and emotions. However, this research is far from finalized and in fact again is only limited to individual cases, like most of the scientific research done in this area.

Another – relatively new – area that may play a role is the influence of endorphins. Endorphins are hormones, natural opiates, produced by the body and commonly known as “emotion” amino acids. Different mixtures of different types of endorphins will create different emotions. Some of these mixtures are created as a result of fear, stress and pain. What role they play when it comes to the development of erotic power exchange emotions is yet unknown.

“The need for power exchange points to a stern upbringing”

Again a “semi-Freudian” misconception and based on one case of one man, researched and published about by Freud.

The fact of the matter is that most of the people who are into erotic power exchange have had a perfectly normal youth and upbringing and the majority come from families where sexuality was a subject that could be discussed freely and openly. Again there may be individual cases where people had a stern – or sometimes very religious – upbringing but whether or not there are any connections between upbringing and erotic power exchange emotions in general is yet to be determined and probably very unlikely as far as the development of the emotions as such is concerned.

“People into erotic power exchange can not find full sexual satisfaction in other ways”

This is an outright lie, based on research done in cases of excessive clinical sadism and masochism (i.e. the mental illnesses). It is true that the severe mental distortions usually described as sadism and masochism may (but not always do) show this type of behavior. Erotic power exchange, however, has nothing to do with mental distortions but with perfectly normal erotic/sexual behavior between perfectly normal, well-adjusted, responsible adults.

People into erotic power exchange will usually consider their feelings and emotions important and will identify erotic power exchange as a lifestyle, but that does not mean they have a compulsive need. The lack of compulsive behavior in fact is what separates erotic power exchange from clinical sadists and masochists.

In fact in many cases people will identify their erotic power exchange emotions as entirely different from sexual emotions or – for example – an orgasm.

“Dominant men are just male chauvinists”

The fact of the matter is that the majority of dominant men are very caring, loving and open minded people – as are most dominant women by the way. The position of the dominant in erotic power exchange by definition requires a lot of understanding, caring, trust and most of all a great interest in the wants and needs and emotions of the submissive partner. What to the outsider may seem a very strict, direct, powerful and maybe sometimes somewhat aggressive looking macho man in fact is only role play, using symbols and role behavior but underneath is almost always a very caring person. The average submissive partner, when asked, will usually describe the dom as understanding – generally knowing more about his submissive partner than (s)he does (or did) him or herself – supportive, careful, loving and protective.

“Submissive women betray the movement for women’s rights”

Being submissive and allowing these emotions to come out is a very self-confident statement and decision as well as a difficult and scary process. Submissive women are usually very self aware and are making very conscious decisions about their submissiveness. They are anything but “doormats” and have – generally speaking – gone through a long process of identifying and accepting themselves as well as their submissive feelings and emotions.

Just as dominant erotic behavior is not an indication of general dominance, neither is submissiveness an indication that the (wo)men will display submissiveness in every day life. Usually they will be anything but submissive, although it is a fact that as long as submissive emotions have not settled down, submissive women especially sometimes may have trouble separating some of their submissive feelings from other things. The argument itself originates from hard line feminist activists who – predominantly out of fear for unwanted influence – try to separate women from other opinions than the ones such activists have.

“People who are dominant in every day life are submissive in bed and vice versa”

Sexual/erotic behavior is usually not an indication for any other form of social behavior, neither are there any proven links between the two. Dominants can have both dominant as well as non-dominant positions in every day life and the same goes for submissive’s. A female executive can be submissive in the bedroom, a male nurse can be dominant. The above statement is a classic example of stereotyping, mainly based on pornography and stories from prostitutes who – through indicating they have “socially important or significant customers” – in fact try to market their profession and often use arguments like these in a rather naive effort to gain more social acceptance and respect for their trade.

“Erotic power exchange is dangerous”

There are all sorts of stories around about accidents, that happened during erotic power exchange sessions. The most “famous” one around is the story about the man who – after cuffing his wife to the bed – climbed the nearest cupboard in an effort to jump on her, broke both his legs, fell into the locked closet and the couple had to wait for two days before help arrived. This story – like many others – is around in almost all countries and – like nearly all others – is a tall story. Of course, anything one does without sufficient knowledge can be risky or even dangerous. The truth of the matter is that safe, sane, voluntary and informed consensual erotic power exchange is perfectly safe, provided people know what they are doing.

Early Recollection

The vast majority (over 50 percent) of the people actively nurturing erotic power exchange emotions recollect fantasies about power role play at an early age, prior to their 18th birthday. Just about half of this group (in other words 25 percent of all BDSM-people) recollects having such fantasies before the age of twelve – quite frequently as early as six or seven.

Research by the POWERotics Foundation shows women usually recollect erotic power exchange fantasies and emotions earlier than men on average. Recollections of fantasies and emotions before the age of 12 for example are more frequent (24%) in the female group (men 16%). Very recent recollections, after their 18th birthday, are more frequent in the male group: 22% as opposed to only 5% in the female group.

There are no real differences when it comes to the importance of personal fantasies. Between 40 and 45 percent of both groups indicate that it have been these fantasies that triggered their erotic power exchange emotions. The same goes for the influence of books and general media on the development of such emotions. Around 20 percent of both groups indicate this as a trigger. There are, however, big differences when it comes to the influence of the Internet. Almost twice as many young women (15% opposed to 8%) name the Internet as a trigger of their emotions, whereas almost twice as many young men (11% versus 6%) say they have been influenced by pornography. It is important to notice however that the influence of both the Internet and pornography are only of minor influence, when compared to other triggers such as private fantasies and general media.

Young women in general consider erotic power exchange of a greater importance in their lives than young men. 53% of the young women consider it to be either a very important or the most important thing in their lives, whereas 44% of the men consider it important but have other priorities as well. Slightly more young men (12%) than women (10%) see erotic power exchange as just a kick.



©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm.He the chairman for the www.powerotics.com Foundation. This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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I’m often asked about punishment by new Domina‘s.

domme walking around

Table of Contents

How do I punish?

What should I do? What do you punish?

What do I let slide and forgive?

I can only answer these question for myself and comment on how I deal with punishment issues. How you choose to deal with infractions is up to yourself, and your own individual flare and style. Dominas all have different needs and different requirements from submissives…what I require from my submissives may be different to your needs.

Punishment is an inevitable element of relationships between a Mistress and a sub. To speak shortly, punishment is designed for behaviour correction. But all involved in BDSM/Femdom know that punishment is a gift and the Domme’s benefaction as it helps to get free from feeling of guilt and it is a sign of the Top’s care for her sub. This article is not meant as ‘how too guide’ but more for a creative spark to plan your own course of punishment actions. The main issue with punishments that I can’t stress highly enough is consistency! If you threaten to punish him/her follow it through! Your submissive is seeking your guidance and control. Not punishing an act you find unacceptable is sending out a message you have no control.

Perhaps there is no need to mention that necessity of punishment must be realized by the slave and no penalty can take place without the sub’s agreement. Femdom relationships always imply love goodwill, and safe sane and consensual actions. So punishment must be necessarily discussed in advance. To effectively punish. Punishment requires some suggestions which can be followed any time a Domme finds it necessary to give her sub a lesson.

Three Main Punishment suggestions

  • 1. Punishment in any detail must be different from other types of Femdom action. Otherwise the submissive is going to get used to it and take punishment as something habitual – what lesson is he going to be given than? For instance you can have special BDSM toys used only for punishment and nothing else. Use them only when punishing your sub. In this case these BDSM toys are going to be associated only with actions intended to punish him/her.
  • 2. It is the Domme who defines severity of punishment as well as its other details. The Domme chooses the time her Sub is going to be punished, What BDSM toys she is going to use, tortures the sub must undergo etc. All these things must not be discussed; otherwise this is going to be anything but punishment and in fact might be something the submissive seeks out and desires!
  • 3. One offence – one punishment. This is the main principle which if not followed makes punishment useless. The sub must always be aware what s/he is being punished for.

Now let us speak about punishment itself. Actually punishment for my submissives consists of five suggested steps. They may or may not fit your chosen form of Femdom practices.

Step one. Explanation

This step implies explanation of what was done wrong and what your slave should have done instead. Make sure the submissive realizes his/her guilt otherwise everything that comes next is going to be of no use. Submissives left struggling with reasons for punishment often feel confused and disorientated with other activities. Left questioning they often question every action they undertake on your behalf. A submissive is not a mind reader ‘communication’ is a must if you ever wish to alter his/her behaviour.

Step two. Sub who begs for punishment.

Punishment might always involve this step and it might never imply it – everything depends on the Top. The bottom does not have the right to choose whether s/he should beg to punish him/her or not – this is not a matter for him/her to decide. A submissive asking to be punished is topping from the bottom and learning that s/he can alter the outcome of plans. Make a mental note that s/he is asking for punishment and try to evaluate why s/he is asking. Does s/he need more attention? Is s/he trying to manipulate you into action? Why is this occurring? This more often the question that needs addressing. Is there an underlying problem?

Step three. Getting ready for punishment and realization of guilt.

The fourth action is perhaps the longest one and it takes place without the Domme’s interference. I have found this step has helped my submissive/s greatly in rectifying his/her errors so they never reoccur. This might imply being on knees in very uncomfortable position in darkness. As well it might imply use of some BDSM toys, such as restraints. This step is very effective as being alone the bottom feels lonely and denied. Alone (or time out) allows for reflection time on the ‘error‘ the time out allows the submissive time from distractions to evaluate what has occurred. Time out also allows for the submissive to get in the right head space and let go off the vanilla world.

Step four. Punishment.

The fourth step is punishment itself. Here no recommendations can be given. Everything that takes place during this stage of punishment depends on the Domme and HER own personal tastes, likes and desires. This can be not only inflicting pain on the bottom as many might think. Verbal communication is as well very important.

The Mistress can order her sub to repeat a part of guilt explanation in order to find out that the slave understood and realized his/her guilt. Realization of guilt can be expressed in some other way, for instance by saying “Thank you, Mistress!” or “forgive me Mistress! “After each blow or by continuous licking the Mistress’ feet during the punishment.

Verbal communication between the top and the bottom implies that the Domme should let her sub know whether the latter can cry or not. As well she should make it clear what is going to happen if the bottom cries in spite of this prohibition.

The top can let the bottom know how long punishment is going to last, what toys she is going to use, using this method the Domme must be consistent in her set plan of action and never falter. My advise to the newer less confident Domme or Domina in a new relationship would to NOT do this if she can at all help it, setting punishments length or duration often means the submissive may have to take more than s/he needs or less than s/he needs at the time of punishment. By not informing the submissive of the full extent of the punishments details it allows you room to adjust without appearing to of ‘softened’ on the punishment or appearing to lost control of the situation. So again everything depends on the Domme’s will to remain consistent to her original punishment goal.

Step Five Forgiveness.

Punishment has ended. The top might order the bottom to thank her for punishment. She can let her slave know what punishment he is going to undergo for committing the same crime again. And of course the top must let this slave know whether the latter is forgiven or not. In the end I should say that the first punishment must be very severe. Than punishments might become rarer and less cruel. Full-fledged D/s relationships imply that after some time punishment must become a very rare event or there should be no punishments at all as the most terrible thing for a bottom is being deprived of his Mistress’ love.

What ever methods you choose make sure you are comfortable in there delivery. You are trying to give your submissive ’rules’ to suit your desires, using a method you dislike will only add to you not enjoying the process and delaying its deliverance.

Enjoy the process, it shouldn’t be a chore and shouldn’t be out of anger. Punishment should be administered because you know your submissive and yourself will ‘both’ benefit from it effects and outcome.

If you are angry step away and re gather your thoughts and personal control. Acting in anger can cause misjudgement in your actions. Actions need to be clear, concise, too the point, relaying your intended purpose for correction. Often punishments dealt in anger can lead to injury or relationship problems.

Once you have administered your chosen punishment after care may be required.

Article MissBonnie © CollarNcuffs.com 2008

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This article is about sadism and masochism as aspects of BDSM.

Table of Contents

The term Sadism passed into common usage as the sexual or social pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person. The word is derived from the name of the Marquis de Sade, a prolific French philosopher-writer of sexually violent novels and plays. The passive counterpart of sadism is masochism, the sexual pleasure or gratification of having pain or suffering inflicted upon the self, often consisting of sexual fantasies or urges for being beaten, humiliated, bound, tortured, or otherwise made to suffer, either as an enhancement to or a substitute for sexual pleasure. The name is derived from the name of the 19th century author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, known for his novel Venus in Furs that dealt with highly masochistic themes.

However, the creator of both terms, german psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebbing wrote “By masochism I understand a peculiar perversion of the psychical vita sexualis in which the individual affected, in sexual feeling and thought, is controlled by the idea of being completely and unconditionally subject to the will of a person of the opposite sex; of being treated by this person as by a master, humiliated and abused. This idea is coloured by lustful feeling; the masochist lives in fancies, in which he creates situations of this kind and often attempts to realise them”.

This shows quite clearly that pain and physical violence in its original conception were not necessarily part of the deal. Sadism and masochism, often interrelated, are collectively known as S&M or sadomasochism.

The S&M erotica is about consented humiliation and power exchange. The words are now commonly used to describe personality traits in an emotional, rather than sexual sense. Although it is quite different from the original meaning, this usage is not entirely inaccurate. There is quite frequently a strong emotional aspect to the sexual desires, taking the form of a need for domination or submission-the desire to control another, or to be controlled, as opposed to a simple desire for pain (which is technically known as algolagnia).

Pain, violence, sex and love all are associated with the release of a variety of hormones and chemicals within the human body. Furthermore, humans have been shown to exhibit sympathetic responses in their bodies while watching, hearing, or imagining such experiences.

Endorphins are released by pain experiences and can be perceived as pleasurable and possibly psychologically addictive. It is due to this same release of endorphins that people can become addicted to self harm. In this way, the acts of self harm and engaging in masochistic behavior can be similar in function though most would agree, not in causality. Brain chemicals such as serotonin and melatonin can be affected by emotional or stressful experiences.Epinephrine and norepinephrine are released during stressful or painful experiences, and can cause a pleasurable ‘rush’. The effects of S&M on body chemistry possibly reinforce the behavior and therefore might create psychological states that seek to further such behavior.

The psychology of S&M

The terms sadism and masochism were first used consistently to describe these behaviors by the German psychiatrist Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing in his 1886 compilation of case studies Psychopathia Sexualis, a famous study. Sigmund Freud, a psychoanalyst and a contemporary of Krafft-Ebing, noted that both were often found in the same individuals, and combined the two into a single dichotomous entity known as sadomasochism (often abbreviated as S&M or S/M). This observation is commonly verified in both literature and practice; many sadists and masochists define themselves as “switchable”-capable of taking pleasure in either role. However it has also been argued (Deleuze, Coldness and Cruelty) that the concurrence of sadism and masochism in Freud’s model should not be taken for granted.

It was Freud who introduced the terms “primary” and “secondary” masochism. Though this idea has come under a number of interpretations, in a primary masochism the masochist undergoes a complete, not just a partial, rejection by the model or courted object (or sadist), possibly involving the model taking a rival as his or her preferred mate. This complete rejection is related to the death drive in Freud’s psychoanalysis (Todestrieb). In a secondary masochism, by contrast, the masochist experiences a less serious, more feigned rejection and punishment by the model. Secondary masochism, in other words, has the characteristics of a charade, and most commentators are quick to point out its contrivedness.

Rejection is not desired by a primary masochist in quite the same sense as the feigned rejection occurring within a relatively equal relationship–or even where the masochist happens to be the one having true power (this is the problematic that underlies the analyses of Deleuze and Sartre, for example). In Things Hidden Since the Foundation of The World Rene Girard attempts to resuscitate and reinterpret Freud’s distinction of primary and secondary masochism, in connection with his own philosophy.

Both Krafft-Ebing and Freud assumed that sadism in men resulted from the distortion of the aggressive component of the male sexual instinct. Masochism in men, however, was seen as a more significant aberration, contrary to the nature of male sexuality. Freud doubted that masochism in men was ever a primary tendency, and speculated that it may exist only as a transformation of sadism. Sadomasochism in women received comparatively little discussion, as it was believed that it occurred primarily in men. Both also assumed that masochism was so inherent to female sexuality that it would be difficult to distinguish as a separate inclination.

Havelock Ellis, in Studies in the Psychology of Sex, argued that there is no clear distinction between the aspects of sadism and masochism, and that they may be regarded as complementary emotional states. He also made the important point that sadomasochism is concerned only with pain in regard to sexual pleasure, and not in regard to cruelty, as Freud had suggested. In other words, the sadomasochist generally desires that the pain be inflicted or received in love, not in abuse, for the pleasure of either one or both participants. This mutual pleasure may even be essential for the satisfaction of those involved.

Here Ellis touches upon the often paradoxical nature of consensual S&M. It is not only pain to initiate pleasure, but violence-or the simulation of violence-to express love. This contradictory character is perhaps most evident in the observation by some that not only are sadomasochistic activities usually done for the benefit of the masochist, but that it is often the masochist that controls them, through subtle emotional cues received by the sadist.

In his essay Coldness and Cruelty, (originally Présentation de Sacher-Masoch, 1967) Gilles Deleuze rejects the term ‘sadomasochism’ as artificial, especially in the context of the prototypical masochistic work, Sacher-Masoch’s Venus In Furs. Deleuze instead argues that the tendency toward masochism is based on desire brought on from the delay of gratification. Taken to its extreme, an infinite delay, this is manifested as perpetual coldness. The masochist derives pleasure from, as Deleuze puts it, The Contract: the process by which he can control another individual and turn the individual into someone cold and callous. The Sadist, in contrast, derives pleasure from The Law: the unavoidable power that places one person below another. The sadist attempts to destroy the ego in an effort to unify the id and superego, in effect gratifying the most base desires the sadist can express while ignoring or completely suppressing the will of the ego, or of the conscience. Thus, Deleuze attempts to argue that Masochism and Sadism arise from such different impulses that the combination of the two terms is meaningless and misleading. The perceived sadistic capabilities of masochists are treated by Deleuze as reactions to masochism. Indeed, in the epilogue of Venus In Furs, the character of Severin has become bitter from his experiment in masochism, and advocates instead the domination of women.

Before Deleuze, however, Sartre had presented his own theory of sadism and masochism, at which Deleuze’s deconstructive attack, which took away the symmetry of the two roles, was probably directed. By virtue of the fact that the pleasure or power in looking at the victim figures prominently in sadism and masochism, Sartre was able to link these phenomena to his famous philosophy of the Look of the Other. Sartre argued that masochism is an attempt by the For-itself (consciousness) to reduce itself to nothing, becoming an object that is drowned out by the “abyss of the Other’s subjectivity” By this Sartre means that, given that the For-itself desires to attain a point of view in which it is both subject and object, one possible strategy is to gather and intensify every feeling and posture in which the self appears as an object to be rejected, tested, and humiliated; and in this way the For-itself strives toward a point of view in which there is only one subjectivity in the relationship, which would be both that of the abuser and the abused. Conversely, of course, Sartre held sadism to be the effort to annihilate the subjectivity of the victim. That would mean that the sadist, who is exhilarated in the emotional distress of the victim, is such because he or she also seeks to assume a subjectivity which would take a point of view on the victim, and on itself, as both subject and object.

This argument may appear stronger if it is somehow understood that the Look of the Other is either only an aspect of the other faculties of desire, or somehow its primary faculty. It does not account for the turn that Deleuze took for his own philosophy of these matters, but this premise of desire-as-Look is associated with the view always attacked by Deleuze, in what he regarded as the essential error of “desire as lack,” and which he identified in the philosophical temperament of Plato, Socrates, and Lacan. For Deleuze, in so far as desire is a lack it is reducible to the Look.

Finally, after Deleuze, Rene Girard included his account of sado-masochism in Things Hidden Since the Foundation of The World, originally Des choses cachées depuis la fondation du monde, 1978, making the chapter on masochism a coherent part of his theory of mimetic desire. In this view of sado-masochism, the violence of the practices are an expression of a peripheral rivalry that has developed around the actual love-object. There is clearly a similarity to Deleuze, since both in the violence surrounding the memory of mimetic crisis and its avoidance, and in the resistance to affection that is focussed on by Deleuze, there is an understanding of the value of the love object in terms of the processes of its valuation, acquisition and the test it imposes on the suitor.

Many theorists, particularly feminist theories, have suggested that sadomasochism is an inherent part of modern Western culture. According to their theories, sex and relationships are both consistently taught to be formulated within a framework of male dominance and female submission. Some of them further link this hypothesized framework to inequalities among gender, class, and race which remain a substantial part of society, despite the efforts of the civil rights movement and feminism.

There are a number of reasons commonly given for why a sadomasochist finds the practice of S&M enjoyable, and the answer is largely dependent on the individual. For some, taking on a role of compliance or helplessness offers a form of therapeutic escape; from the stresses of life, from responsibility, or from guilt. For others, being under the power of a strong, controlling presence may evoke the feelings of safety and protection associated with childhood. They likewise may derive satisfaction from earning the approval of that figure. A sadist, on the other hand, may enjoy the feeling of power and authority that comes from playing the dominant role, or receive pleasure vicariously through the suffering of the masochist. It is poorly understood, though, what ultimately connects these emotional experiences to sexual gratification, or how that connection initially forms.

It is usually agreed on by psychologists that experiences during early sexual development can have a profound effect on the character of sexuality later in life. Sadomasochistic desires, however, seem to form at a variety of ages. Some individuals report having had them before puberty, while others do not discover them until well into adulthood. According to one study, the majority of male sadomasochists (53%) developed their interest before the age of 15, while the majority of females (78%) developed their interest afterwards (Breslow, Evans, and Langley 1985). Like sexual fetishes, sadomasochism can be learned through conditioning-in this context, the repeated association of sexual pleasure with an object or stimulus.

The distinction between S&M, BDSM and D/S

BDSM is a short-hand acronym for many subdivisions of the culture: (B&D) bondage and discipline, (D&S) domination and submission, (S&M) sadism and masochism. Sadists enjoy inflicting pain; it may or may not be sexual in nature. Masochists enjoy receiving pain, which, again, may or may not be sexual. Dominance and submission is a more internal distinction, a power dynamic rather than a set of acts. Not all masochists are submissive, and not all submissives enjoy pain. Not all sadists are dominant, and not all who enjoy dominating others are sadists

Sadism and masochism in real life

The term BDSM describes the quite common activities between consenting adults that contain sadistic and masochistic elements. Many behaviors such as erotic spanking, tickling and love-bites that many people think of only as “rough” sex also contain elements of sado-masochism. Note the issue of legal consent which may or may not represent a defense to criminal liability for any more serious injuries caused.

In certain extreme cases, sadism and masochism can include fantasies, sexual urges or behaviour that cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, to the point that they can be considered part of a mental disorder. However, this is an uncommon case, and psychiatrists are now moving towards regarding sadism and masochism not as disorders in and of themselves, but only as disorders when associated with other problems such as a personality disorder.

“Sadism” and “masochism,” in the context of consensual sexual activities, are not strictly accurate terms, at least by the psychological definitions. “Sadism” in absolute terms refers to someone whose pleasure in causing pain does not depend on the consent of the “victim.” Indeed, a lack of consent may be a requisite part of the experience for a true sadist. Similarly, the masochist in consensual BDSM is someone who enjoys the experience of pain in a particular context and, usually, according to a certain scripted and mutually agreed upon “scene.” These “masochists” do not typically enjoy pain in other scenarios, such as accidental injury, medical procedures, and so on.

Similarly, the exchange of power in S&M may not be along the expected lines. While it might be assumed that the “sadist,” or “top”–the person who gives the sensation or causes the humiliation–is the one with the power, the actual power may lie with the “masochist,” or “bottom,” who typically creates the script, or at least sets the boundaries, by which the S&M practitioners play. Sadism and masochism in fiction

Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s novel Venus in Furs is essentially one long masochistic fantasy, where the male principal character encourages his mistress to mistreat him. It inspired a song of the same name, and about the same subject matter, by the rock group The Velvet Underground, featuring the lyric “Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather.”

The 1971 film Straw Dogs, by director Sam Peckinpah, features a scene where the character of Amy Sumner (played by Susan George) is “raped” by one of the few local men responsible for tiling the roof of her and her husband’s house. The scene is extremely ambiguous, but it is usually interpreted that Amy begins to enjoy the encounter, of which she is the masochistic subject. In the 1987 film Hellraiser and its sequels, Pinhead (the lead cenobite) feels that there is beauty in suffering and torture. In the 2005 video game Crash Tag Team Racing video game, the Doctor N. Gin character is shown to possess masochistic tendencies.

The novel @Gordon@, by Edith Templeton, is a semi-autobiographical account of a long-term sadomasochistic relationship. Story of O is another classic masochistic novel, written by a woman, Pauline Réage. In this novel, the female principal character is kept in a chateau and educated by a group of men using a wide range of BDSM type techniques.

The novelist Anne Rice, best known for Interview with the Vampire, wrote the sadomasochistic trilogy The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty under the pseudonym of A. N. Roquelaure. Also “Exit to Eden”

In Ayn Rand’s novel The Fountainhead, the sexual relationship between the protagonists is characterized by violence and force, which the female protagonist savours.

Brendan Connell’s novel The Translation of Father Torturo, features a character, Cardinal Zuccarelli, who finds romantic pleasure in humiliation and pain.

GoldenEye, the 1995 James Bond film features Xenia Onatopp, a crazed Russian killer who takes pleasure during sex by strangling her victims or crushing their pelvis with her thighs.

The 2001 movie La Pianiste (released with subtitles as The Piano Teacher) describes a relationship between a repressed piano teacher and her pupil, which ends unhappily when she reveals her extreme masochistic desires to him, which brings the relationship to an end, but not before he has made a disgusted attempt to enact his conception of her masochistic fantasies.

The metaphysical “documentary” What the Bleep Do We Know!? featured a bridesmaid who is shown subconsciously transmitting the message “Make me suffer please!” to the wedding-guests.

The 2001 Japanese movie Koroshiya 1 (released with subtitles as Ichi the Killer) follows 2 main characters, Kakihara and Ichi. Kakihara is an extreme sado-masochist who has a taste for pain and humiliation, while also having a taste of delivering pain and humiliation. Kakihara is looking for the extreme sadist who will grant him his wish of ultimate masochistic release even if it results in his death. (In fact he hopes it does)

A 2002 movie, Secretary, directed by Steven Shainberg, explores the relationship between a masochistic secretary and her dominant, sadistic employer.

A character in Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels Trilogy named Daemon Sadi is nicknamed “The Sadist” for his cruelty towards women (who used him as a “pleasure slave”).

In Paulo Coelho’s novel Eleven Minutes the main character, Maria, experiments with sadomasochism, and her partner has studied the topic thoroughly.

In the game Phantasmagoria: A Puzzle of Flesh, Curtis Craig goes to an S&M club to visit his friend Therese.

In the novels by Jacqueline Carey, the Kushiel’s Legacy saga, the main character Phedre is an extreme masochist for whom sex is a religious experience.

In Sorcerer Hunters, the manga and anime story, Chocolate Misu and Tira Misu are Sadomasochistic dominatrices, and this story has great influence of sadomasochism.

In a Family Guy episode called Peter’s Two Dads, Stewie becomes a masochism addict when Lois spanks him.

Jacqueline Carey’s Kushiel’s Legacy trilogy and related books star a masochistic woman. There are numerous examples of Edgeplay within the books.

The words “sadistic” and “masochistic” are mentioned at the beginning of both Kill Bill movies in Bill’s speech.

Sadomasochism has also become a popular theme for advertisers who seek to appear “edgy” or unconventional. Anheuser-Busch, Inc., a mainstream brewer of popular beers, including Bud Lite, now sponsors the Folsom Street Fair and Diesel brand Jeans runs ads in major fashion magazines with an S&M theme.

Mr. Slave from South Park is an S&M whore.

References:

  • 1. Richard von Krafft-Ebbing, “Psychopathia Sexualis”, 1886,

http://ia350608.us.archive.org/1/items/psychopathiasexu00krafuoft/psychopathiasexu00krafuoft_djvu.txt

  • 2.Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness, on sadism and masochism.

Article: MissBonnie CollarNcuffs.com ©

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Golden Shower

Golden Showers (GS) (also known as Watersports (WS)) is a quite often mentioned and many questions are asked about it, esp. concerning health issues.

golden shower. Cartoon with woman being showered on

Table of Contents

Introduction to Golden Showers (GS)

Golden showers, often abbreviated as GS, and interchangeably known as watersports (WS), refer to an erotic activity involving the act of urination on a consenting partner to heighten sexual arousal, intimacy, or pleasure. This practice, while viewed as unconventional by some, has historic roots and present-day visibility in various cultural and erotic contexts.

In popular culture, golden showers have been depicted in ways that both mystify and demystify the practice. References can be found in literature, movies, and digital media, often showcasing it either as a taboo curiosity or an avant-garde indulgence. These portrayals contribute to both the intrigue and the myriad of misconceptions surrounding GS.

A common misunderstanding is that GS is solely about the act of urination. However, for many participants, it represents a deeper form of intimacy and connection. The act can be a demonstration of trust, vulnerability, and a break from sexual norms. Partners engaging in this activity often find it to be a consensual way to explore boundaries and experience a different dimension of sexual pleasure.

Furthermore, GS is frequently misunderstood or unfairly stigmatized. Critics often mistakenly label it as inherently harmful or insalubrious without recognizing the safety measures and consensual nature that underscore its practice. It is crucial to note that, as with any sexual activity, clear communication, consent, and cleanliness are paramount to ensuring a positive and safe experience for all involved.

Understanding and demystifying golden showers involve recognizing the varied and subjective motivations behind it. What might appear unconventional to one person could, in fact, be a fulfilling and consensual practice for another. By examining these nuances, we can foster a more comprehensive and respectful conversation around this form of sexual expression.

The Appeal of Golden Showers or Water play

The exploration of Golden Showers (GS), commonly referred to as watersports (WS), is notably driven by a multitude of psychological and physical factors that captivate participants. Primarily, the allure lies in the thrill and excitement that stems from engaging in an activity deemed as taboo or ‘dirty’ by societal standards. This deviation from the norm serves to heighten the intensity of the experience, creating a profound sense of exhilaration for those involved.

Moreover, the act of GS encompasses a unique level of intimacy that can fortify the bond between consenting partners. The personal and private nature of GS necessitates a deep sense of trust and mutual respect, meaning individuals who partake in this act often experience a heightened emotional connection. This clandestine engagement can act as a powerful means of expressing vulnerability and surrender, fostering an enhanced relational dynamic that extends beyond the physical aspect.

Furthermore, GS can serve as a gateway for participants to explore aspects of power dynamics, submission, and control within a consensual framework. This exploration can be both liberating and empowering, providing a safe space for individuals to enact fantasies and discover new facets of their sexuality. The opportunity to engage in GS can thus be seen as a form of sexual expression and exploration, expanding the boundaries of pleasure and intimacy.

In addition, some individuals find arousal in the sensory aspects of GS. The warm sensation, the sound, and the sight of the act can stimulate various senses, adding an extra layer of eroticism to the experience. The anticipation and the buildup associated with GS can also enhance arousal, making the act much more than a mere physical endeavor, but an immersive sensory experience.

Overall, the appeal of Golden Showers for many lies in the combination of forbidden allure, intimate bonding, and the multifaceted exploration of power dynamics and sensory stimulation, all of which contribute to a deeply enriched and diverse sexual experience.

Understanding Urine: Composition and Sterility

Urine, often perceived with misconceptions, is a complex fluid that serves as an efficient waste elimination mechanism for the human body. Scientifically speaking, urine is primarily composed of water—about 95%, to be precise—making it a mostly harmless substance under normal circumstances. This high water content is essential for the dissolution and transport of various metabolic waste products out of the body.

Beyond water, urine contains a mixture of urea, creatinine, and other metabolic byproducts, which are primarily derived from the breakdown of proteins and nucleic acids. Urea, a product of amino acid metabolism, plays a crucial role in nitrogen excretion. Creatinine, another significant component, is a byproduct of muscle metabolism. Additionally, urine contains various ions and mineral salts such as sodium, potassium, and chloride, as well as trace amounts of other substances like hormones, vitamins, and enzymes. Collectively, these components contribute to the body’s homeostatic balance by regulating blood pressure, electrolyte levels, and pH.

One important aspect to note is that urine is nearly sterile when it exits the body. This sterility is maintained by the urinary tract, which is typically free of harmful bacteria, viruses, or fungi. Only under specific conditions does the presence of bacteria indicate an infection, such as urinary tract infections (UTIs). This inherent sterility supports the notion that, under normal health conditions, urine poses minimal risk of infection when it comes in contact with skin.

In conclusion, understanding the composition of urine helps demystify its nature and highlights its role in bodily functions. By recognizing that it is majorly water mixed with essential waste products and is sterile upon excretion, one can approach discussions related to Golden Showers (GS) and Watersports (WS) with a more informed and scientific perspective.

Health Considerations: Risks and Precautions

The practice of Golden Showers (GS), also known as Watersports (WS), involves intimate interaction with urine and carries certain health risks that require careful consideration. One of the primary concerns is the potential for bacterial infections. Urine, although sterile while inside the bladder, can become contaminated with bacteria as it exits the body. This contamination can lead to conditions such as urinary tract infections (UTIs), especially if the urine comes into contact with the genitals or is ingested.

Additionally, while the transmission of hepatitis through GS is not well-documented, it remains a plausible risk, particularly in the case of hepatitis B and C. These viruses can be present in bodily fluids, including urine, and although the likelihood of transmission through urine is low, it is not zero. Therefore, individuals engaging in this activity should be aware of their own and their partner’s hepatitis status and consider vaccinations where applicable.

Another less common but recorded risk is the hormonal effects from consuming urine. Urine can contain excreted hormones and pharmaceuticals from the person’s body, and ingestion of significant quantities may lead to unexpected hormonal changes. However, these cases are rare and generally associated with the chronic consumption of urine rather than occasional exposure.

To minimize these risks, it is imperative to practice safe and consensual GS activities. This includes regular testing for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and other common infections. Using barriers such as dental dams can further reduce the risk of infection. Proper hygiene before and after the activity is also crucial, ensuring that the genital area is thoroughly cleaned to limit bacterial exposure.

In summary, while the practice of GS and WS can be part of consensual adult activities, it is crucial to be informed about the associated health risks. Through proper precautions—such as regular testing for infections, ensuring good hygiene, and considering protective barriers—the risks can be managed, allowing for safer and more enjoyable experiences.

Managing Odor: Tips and Tricks

Managing odor during golden showers (GS) or watersports (WS) requires a multifaceted approach, starting with proper hydration. Adequate water intake is fundamental, as it dilutes the urine and reduces its scent. A well-hydrated body will typically yield clearer, less pungent urine, making the experience more pleasant for both parties. Consuming at least eight glasses of water a day is widely recommended, but during times leading up to GS, increasing water intake can dramatically help in minimizing strong odors.

Equally important is the avoidance of specific foods and beverages that can exacerbate strong urine odors. For instance, foods such as asparagus, garlic, and onions are known to impart a strong smell to urine. Additionally, beverages like coffee, tea, and alcohol can dehydrate the body and concentrate the urine, contributing to a stronger odor. Implementing dietary adjustments by avoiding these items several hours before GS activities can be beneficial in managing odor effectively.

While alcohol can sometimes help with relaxation and stress reduction, moderation is crucial. Consuming alcohol in modest amounts can indeed help participants feel more at ease, which can enhance overall enjoyment and reduce tension. However, excessive alcohol consumption can impair sexual performance and exacerbate unwanted side effects, including strong urine odor. Therefore, it is advisable to limit alcohol intake before engaging in WS to balance relaxation with optimal performance and odor management.

By adhering to these practical guidelines—staying hydrated, avoiding certain foods and beverages, and moderating alcohol consumption—individuals can significantly manage and mitigate the odor associated with golden showers and watersports. Such measures foster not only a more enjoyable experience but also contribute to a respectful and consensual engagement in these activities.

Therapeutic Uses of Urine

Urine therapy, also known as urotherapy, has been an unconventional practice adopted by various cultures throughout history. Historically, urine has been utilized for its purported healing properties in several ways. For instance, ancient Egyptian and Chinese civilizations documented the use of urine to treat wounds and skin conditions. In certain cultures, morning urine, believed to have the highest concentration of beneficial compounds, is used as an ointment or poultice for wound healing.

Modern proponents of urine therapy claim that urine can serve as a health potion. Advocates suggest that drinking small amounts of one’s own urine can help to enhance the immune system, improve overall health, and even cure specific ailments. The logic behind this belief is rooted in the idea that urine contains antibodies, minerals, hormones, and other substances that can bolster the body’s natural defenses.

From a contemporary perspective, scientific scrutiny is more reserved. While there is anecdotal evidence supporting the therapeutic use of urine, rigorous scientific research on its efficacy remains limited. Some small-scale studies have suggested that urine might have antibacterial properties useful in wound healing. However, mainstream medical opinion remains cautious and emphasizes the need for more substantial evidence. Most healthcare professionals advise against the ingestion or application of urine without a clear and validated understanding of the potential risks and benefits.

Despite the controversy, the subject continues to intrigue both alternative health enthusiasts and researchers. It is crucial for individuals considering urine therapy to consult with healthcare providers and consider the lack of comprehensive scientific validation before proceeding. Understanding the historical significance and the ongoing debate surrounding urine therapy allows for a nuanced view of this practice, acknowledging its potential benefits while recognizing the importance of evidence-based medicine.

Comparing Risks: GS vs. Other Sexual Activities

When evaluating the health risks of Golden Showers (GS) and Watersports (WS) in comparison to other sexual practices, particularly anal sex, it becomes evident that GS carries fewer risks of infections and physical injuries. Understanding these differences is crucial for informed decision-making regarding sexual activities.

Anal sex, a common sexual practice, is associated with a higher risk of transmitting infections such as HIV, HPV, and other sexually transmitted diseases. The rectal mucosa is more susceptible to micro-tears and other injuries, increasing the likelihood of infection transmission. In contrast, GS involves the act of urination on a consenting partner, which does not typically involve direct contact with mucosal surfaces or genital penetration, thereby reducing the risk of contact-based transmission of pathogens.

Moreover, the bacterial content of urine in healthy individuals is generally low. While urine is not sterile, it presents a lower infection risk compared to bodily fluids exchanged during other activities such as anal sex. Contrarily, the anus harbors a significant amount of bacteria that can easily enter the bloodstream through tears in the mucosa. Given this context, GS is considered by many to be a safer sexual practice from an infection standpoint.

In addition to infection risks, there is a comparative analysis of the potential for physical injuries. Anal sex can cause physical trauma, including tears, fissures, and irritation, especially without adequate lubrication and gentle practice. GS, on the other hand, does not inherently pose such risks, as it does not typically involve insertion or physical contact that might result in abrasions or tears.

Considering these points, while all sexual activities carry some degree of risk, GS appears to present a relatively lower risk of infection and physical injury compared to practices like anal sex. This highlights GS as a safer option for individuals prioritizing minimization of health risks in their sexual experiences.

HIV and STD Testing: A Necessary Precaution

Prior to engaging in any intimate activities such as Golden Showers (GS) or Watersports (WS), it is crucial to prioritize health and safety by ensuring both partners undergo HIV and STD testing. Testing provides a vital measure of security and peace of mind, significantly reducing the risk of transmission of infections that could have severe long-term health implications.

To ensure a robust safeguard, comprehensive testing for HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is recommended. These tests assess potential exposure to pathogens that can be transmitted through bodily fluids. Testing is widely accessible today, available at healthcare facilities, clinics, and through primary care physicians. For individuals requiring confidentiality, anonymous testing can also be conducted through blood donation services. During blood donation, your blood is rigorously screened for numerous infections, and any adverse results will be communicated to you while maintaining your privacy.

In addition to anonymous blood donation services, various public health organizations offer free or low-cost testing. Planned Parenthood, local health departments, and community health clinics are some of the resources individuals can utilize. Many centers also provide immediate or same-day results for rapid response and proper preventive measures.

Regardless of the chosen method for testing, it is essential to be transparent with your partner about your health status. Moreover, follow-up testing is equally critical if you or your partner engage in high-risk activities or have multiple partners. Regular testing fosters a safer environment, facilitating informed decisions that benefit your well-being and that of your partner.

By taking these necessary precautions, individuals can responsibly navigate the pleasures of GS and WS while prioritizing health, maintaining trust in relationships, and ultimately enjoying a satisfying and safe experience.

Understanding Golden Shower in Femdom Play

Golden showers, also known as urolagnia, involve urinating on a partner, and it can be an integral part of femdom (female dominance) play for those who find the act stimulating. Conducting a golden shower scene requires careful planning, consent, and understanding to ensure a safe and enjoyable experience for both parties involved.

Consent and clear boundaries should be your top priorities before initiating any golden shower scene. Engage in an open discussion with your partner about their comfort levels and establish safe words or signals. Both participants should clearly express their limits and restrictions to avoid any potential discomfort or distress during the play.

How to Conduct a Golden Shower in Femdom Play: Preparing the Scene

To create an optimal setting for a golden shower, it’s important to consider the environment. Whether you choose a bathroom, a shower area, or a well-covered space with waterproof bedding and towels, ensure the area is easy to clean and provides privacy. Keeping cleaning supplies, such as antibacterial wipes and disinfectants, handy will also aid in swift cleanup afterward.

Executing the Act

Once your scene is set and both parties feel comfortable, proceed with the act with mutual respect. Begin gently and communicate throughout to make sure your partner’s boundaries are still being respected. Maintaining eye contact and verbal reassurances can help reinforce the power dynamic and enhance the overall experience. Remember to hydrate beforehand and plan for periodic breaks if necessary.

Aftercare and Reflection

Aftercare is essential post-scene to ensure the emotional and physical well-being of both partners. This may include comforting words, cuddling, or simply checking in with each other about how the experience felt. Reflecting on the scene can provide valuable insights for future play sessions and help strengthen mutual trust and intimacy.

Resource Article : MissBonnie 2024

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Protocols in Dominant/Submissive Relationships

Domme with crop ready to set protocols

Table of Contents

What is a Protocol?

Protocols in Dominant/Submissive Relationships:, Mistress/slave, Domme/Sub…Power based relationships stimulate the mind and the libido. But how do we maintain that erotic charge through the scene and between scenes?

Life comes with bills, the flu, dishes, and laundry, getting the car serviced, taking the trash out, going to work and so much more. Plus then add in kids if you have them and then you have less time. And everything keeps going no matter if you are in a D/s relationship. It means there is no 24/7 bondage, S&M and sex. It means living life the best we can do and trying to add in things to keep that focus of the power exchange. It is keeping it real within reality.

I think people think that when you are in a Femdom it is all about sex and S&M. But as you know we live in the real world and we make our lives fit within reality of the world or it will makes us fit in it.

The only thing that is needed for a Femdom is the power exchange. In a relationship she controls and he serves and obeys. And that is all that is needed. And those things can fit in anyone’s life with bills, projects or even if you have kids.

Some people believe that if the vanilla quicksand them that they have to start their D/s relationship all over OR that they are being vanilla.

Many of people look at their lifestyle and just see the toilet overflowing, the stack of dishes, the pile of book bags and the laundry heaping up. They think we are not doing S&M because of all that “vanilla stuff.” Instead of looking at it that way, look at the foundation…the power exchange and see that the D/s is still there or it can still be there without S&M. By no means are we saying to take out the S&M or we don’t “need” it. But make sure the foundation of the power exchange is there.

A big mistake I think that people make is separating D/s and non-D/s activities such as everyday vanilla life. They say, “Well our life is too vanilla” or “We were just so vanilla yesterday.”

What I want you to think about: Dominants do you still have the desire to control and have the power in your relationship? When in a vanilla setting would your submissive obey a comment? I am not necessarily talking about telling your submissive strip down at a PTA Meeting, but how about being in a mall shopping and commanding her to try something on for you. Or just even stopping and telling him to kiss in the grocery store….seems like vanilla things, but it isn’t if the power exchange in your foundation. So do you have the power and control in all situations – vanilla or not?

Submissives do you have the desire to serve and please even in vanilla situations? Do you defer to your Dominant in vanilla settings as well as private? Would you obey and serve in a vanilla setting?

Also do you have protocols or rituals that go beyond a private setting? If you have protocols and rituals then you have those always too – no matter if in a D/s setting or non-D/s setting.

Those things don’t go away just because we are in a vanilla setting. They are a part of our power exchange so in essence a part of whom we are always. So why separate non-D/s or vanilla activities and D/s activities because they are there all the time even if not overtly dominating or overtly submitting.

This quote really sums this up well…Although written for a female sub it is great advice:

“The goal should be to incorporate your dominance and her submission seamlessly into your lifestyle. It should be intertwined so that just about anything you and your sub/slave do together could be construed as D/s. In other words, don’t complicate your lives by categorizing aspects and activities into “D/s activities” and “non-D/s” activities.“ ~ RebelGent

A process of protocols and rituals have allowed us to enhance our D/s foundation. These protocols and rituals can be as innocuous as the way oz sits next to me as extensive his daily wardrobe.

The key is to find a set of protocols and rituals that can work – as everyone’s tastes, likes/dislikes are all subject to change from one individual to the next. There are varied degrees in which to conduct protocols and rituals from the basic to the incredibly high protocol where you almost have to ask permission to breathe.

As with everything in the lifestyle, some of these ideas may or may not work for you. The level of “micro-management” or just “management” can be controlled and be completely unique. Each Dominant has their personal tastes and preferences – so it only makes sense to personalize the combination of protocols and rituals being applied to your relationship.

I think what is helpful in making the D/s fit into the real world is establishing adaptable protocols and rituals instead of specific rules. It gives more flexibility and does not put such a strain on your relationship.

Consensual M/s and D/s relationships aren’t about forcing a bunch of rules. Because given enough time almost anyone will obey if forced. Consensual M/s and D/s relationships are about making the Dominants will your will. It is about wanting to serve and please that person that it aches inside when you don’t. It is about obeying because you want and need too.

Here are some protocol and ritual lists just to give you some ideas and wet your appetite and maybe spark off some self thought, some are more extreme than others.

There will be levels of protocol, as defined below. When we enter, we will be in the “normal” level until and unless specified otherwise. After a scene, we will be in the “casual” level until and unless specified otherwise. You may consult this paper as necessary.

Casual Protocols

  • You will wear your collar.
  • You will offer me drinks and food when we arrive.
  • You may get drinks and food for yourself without asking permission.
  • You may mingle freely, but will notify me if you intend to leave the room.
  • All of our regular rules/protocols (“Yes, Mistress”, handing protocols, cursing, etc.) apply.
  • You will remain alert to possible signals from me (such as hand signals from across the room, or me saying “insert name!”) – I should not need to “hunt you down” in order to change protocol levels or give you an instruction. (If you’ve given me notification that you will be in another room, that’s a valid exception.)
  • There are no restrictions on speech, eye contact, socializing, furniture use, etc.

The basic idea of this level is that we are a happy couple casually attending a social function together in a kink-friendly atmosphere.

Normal Protocols

  • You may not use furniture (except ottomans and tables) or walls.
  • You will remain close enough for me to reach out and touch you at any time.
  • When standing, you should keep your arms behind your back in your normal posture stance.
  • Otherwise, you retain freedom of posture, movement, gaze, etc., but you should strive to remain symmetrical and graceful in your positions. You will keep enough attention on me to respond to my voice, gestures, etc., without my having to purposely get your attention. (This is very important. Lapses will be punished.)
  • You may not make sustained eye contact with me. Fleeting contact is acceptable.
  • You should strive to please me with actions like foot kissing, leg rubbing, or whatever you anticipate would bring me pleasure (while realizing that this is not a test and you may ask me what would please me if you are not sure).
  • You will not use the name of a deity as such, nor any even mild curse words like “damn” or “bitch.”
  • The basic idea of this level is that, while you will not be unduly restricted, your main attention and focus should be on pleasing me as my slave.

Formal Protocols

  • You may not use any furniture.
  • When instructed to assume a position, you will remain in that position until told otherwise.
  • You will keep your head pointed forward and down at all times.
  • You may not ask questions, but you may otherwise speak to me freely, consistent with striving to please and obey me.
  • You may not speak to anyone else unless either (a) I indicate that you should, or (b) it would be rude to remain silent (e.g., Christine asks you a question).
  • You will begin all lines spoken to me with the word “Mistress.”
  • I will begin all statements to you with “My * slave.” (You will respectfully notify me if I fail to do this.)
  • You will focus your attention solely on me unless instructed to interact with another person or object.
  • The basic idea of this level is that you are under my total control and are completely focused on pleasing and obeying me as my slave.

Scene Protocols

  • No protocols outside of our general rules apply.
  • You will do your best to obey me, subject to your responsibility to help us both remain safe and sane.
  • We will both accept that I will risk your failure to obey me by giving you instructions that may be too difficult to obey completely. This is part of the scene and not considered a failure of your submission to me. Failure is not “actually” punishable although consequences may be part of the scene.
  • This protocol level is considered to begin when I ask you to remove your clothing at the start of a scene, and to end when you have put your clothing back on; it does not need to be specified.

The below was originally written for a female Submissives, but the ideas are transferable and have been sourced from various places on the Internet (I have lost the original source of this document, if you own it could please contact admin)

Some protocols and rituals enhance our relationship:

  • Eating
  • When out to eat – Mistress/Master orders for me. We have found that since we do this all the time even around vanilla friends and family they just learn to know this is just part what we like or who we are…that my “significant other” knows me so well that he just orders for me. I usually don’t even open a menu.
  • I don’t eat until Master gives me permission and often that permission is just a nod of the head after we sit down to eat or if out at a restaurant after I am served. I will in the presence of others at times get my napkin situated or take a drink until he gives me permission with that nod.
  • That protocol started differently at first. When we first started eating protocols, I just needed to wait until Master began eating. Then I was able to eat. That also went very un-noticed by vanilla friends and family.
  • If we are at a restaurant, sometimes he will push his coffee mug over to me and signal me to get him more – prepared the way he likes it (of course).
  • When I serve Master his meal, I serve Him first before getting my plate together. I also always give my Master the best piece of meat, the bigger baked potato and so on.
  • My eating and food intact at times is controlled. At times, I need permission to eat anything. That works for us because Master has a job where it will not disturb him if I need to call to have a snack or lunch (on the rare days he is not coming home for lunch too). I have to always call and ask permission to have a diet coke as it was an addiction in the past and Master has slowly weaned me off of them

Dressing how to apply Protocols

  • I have a preference where xxx does not wear pants. In addition to wearing dresses or skirts, I like her to wear panties, tights and hose – which literally flies against what most Dominants prefer. It works for me – but may not necessarily work for anyone else.
  • I do not control what she wears everyday, but when I have a preference I tell her. Such as some days all I want her to wear is a pair of pantyhose or just a blue stain lingerie set that is very beautiful on her. Mostly she just dresses to please me. We talked about what I like on her and she dresses accordingly.
  • Each evening when I come home from work though, she is dressed slutty for me. Before she gets ready for bed, she asks permission to take off these articles of clothing.
  • My girl is not allowed to wear cotton undergarments. I like the way satin and silk feels and so that is the only materials she is allowed in undergarments. It is a standard for her.
  • My girl has an outfit that I enjoy her wearing and she abhors. I could make it a ritual that she wears it more and that she thank me for the privilege of wearing the outfit although she hates it. It would humble her. And show her it is a privilege that she is allowed other types of clothing and outfits. The mindset involved would make it a ritual instead of a protocol.

Permissions

  • There are permission protocols in our relationship. When we’re together, I ask permission to go to the bathroom or when I want a diet coke. When he is at work, I don’t call him if I can go to the bathroom, but I still call when I want a diet coke. I ask permission to sign online, to call someone, or to lie down.
  • Permissions do not need to be overt – but done in an invisible manner. Such as the one I mentioned earlier…if we’re eating at a restaurant or with family or vanilla friends, I still do not have permission to eat until he say it’s okay. Usually after my plate is served, we make eye contact which is followed by a gentle nod which allows me to begin eating.

Other permissions we have used or have in place are:

  • Permission to sit on furniture or restrict the use of furniture.
  • Permission to go out with friends. Having curfew when going out.
  • Permission to leave the room or house. Master controlling the keys and my drivers license is in his wallet.
  • Permission to go bath and Shower
  • The old favourite…permission to use the bathroom.
  • Permission to speak with others in a D/s setting. Controlling protocol while at a bdsm event…such as having me in “high protocol.” That is when I am quiet, unobtrusive, and usually do not speak until spoken too. Or having to seek permission for almost entirely everything. It’s difficult to maintain high protocol for an extended period of time and realistically – how many phone calls does a Dominant want at work to ask permission to go to another room, ask for a sip of water?

Establishing Protocols for Sleep

Again sleeping rituals or protocols that we have used or are currently using:

  • Kneeling before entering bed – doing some meditation before going to bed is a ritual.
  • Asking permission to enter the bed is a protocol
  • Having a bedtime is a protocol
  • Being chained to the bed or sleeping in cuffs could be made into either.

Privacy

  • Privacy is another area controlled in our dynamic. When property, nothing is yours anymore so to show that….taking away privacy is a way to get that message home loud and clear.
  • In our household, Master does not allow me to close doors – bathroom, bedroom and so on. Now if we had kids I am sure this would change. And it does get modified when we have visitors also. I have friends that don’t allow their kids in their bedroom. They can stand at the door and talk to them when the door is open, but are not allowed in the bedroom. And when the door is closed, they are not to knock at that door unless it is an emergency. It is explained at adult alone get away from the kid’s time. And their kids have gotten so used to that rule they just obey it without question or arguing now. Also when my friend goes the bathroom she goes the Master bathroom and can’t close the door – no kids can look in but no doors are closed on her Master. And it is similar here when we have company as no one can see into our Master/Mistress bathroom when Master’s bedroom door is open.
  • I have to ask to go the bathroom and that takes a way a sense of personal space privacy. I have to even tell my Master if I am urinating or having a bowel movement and it most certainly is embarrassing (still after all this time) but it does give me that knowing everything I do he knows about – Everything I am he knows
  • Some other privacy protocols we have used: Master/Mistress has all access to my emails, chat logs, all snail mail – letters, packages, bills, personal or non-personal mail. We both admit that a lot of people out there want to keep their privacy – which is understandable, but for our dynamic it works to help keep the focus of I am property and he is the Owner of said property.

Daily Schedule Protocols

This is something that ebbs and flows with us. At times, it is loosely control and other times it is very strict. Sometimes I am told what I will do each day. Other times I just need to inform Master what I have on my plate that needs to get done. And yet other times he does not worry about it my schedule at all. Again, Master changes things to meet his needs if it is not working.

  • My Master had me work out a schedule for the week on what I want to do each day of the week regards to housecleaning and He approved it. He now knows on Tuesday I clean the kitchen and what I do to clean the kitchen. But if I have extra projects, I have to let him know…like with the holidays I had baking, decorating and gift-wrapping. So, I had to tell him about those things so he could put them into my schedule. Or maybe he wanted me to do something and thinks that is priority and has me drop something. He controls the schedule ultimately.
  • Master tries to work into my schedule time for me to meditate or journal. A journal can be helpful in talking about even just daily events – places that were hard in the schedule, concerns and what not. It has worked good when face to face time with Master is a premium, as he can look the journal over to see where I am at and how things are progressing.
  • As schedules become more complex – it’s almost easier to plan ahead when there’s an available 30 minutes in a weekday. I have friends that take that time during the middle of the day or time when they can send them to their grandparents to have some alone time. And sometimes scheduling alone playtime is needed.
  • Scheduling is another way of holding together structure. Making the schedule rigid can suffocate the relationship – making the schedule too lax and that raises the question: “why have a schedule to begin with?”

Other Rituals

  • Inspection time – where I critique xxxxx appearance (i.e. whether they are to wear their hair a certain way, underwear check, paint on her toe nails, correctly shaved.) – having her prepare for this time is very much an intimate mindset.
  • Our ritual shower – xxxx sits in the bottom of the shower as I clean myself first. I at times urinate on her. The mindset of getting in the shower, having the water I am cleaning myself with flood over her is a very almost Zen like experience for her and re-enforcers her station with me.
  • Urination or masturbation while in the shower can be formed into a ritual.

source: various internet combined pages who’s orginal source has since been lost or taken down.

Protocols and rituals are not needed to have a D/s or M/s relationship. They just are there to enhance the relationship. Some key things to remember when forming protocols is to be flexible, think about why you are doing the protocol, and make it personal. Maybe you start something and it just does not work with your schedule bend it make it work or adopt other protocols to make them fit into your life. We have protocols that are in place that get put to the way side when things are busy or when one of us is ill. Does that mean we are not a D/s couple any more? No way. Our foundation is still there. The dynamic we have is still there even without the protocols and rituals. So, instead of thinking “Oh now we are not doing D/s” she still is in control and he is still serving and pleasing. And lastly don’t let the protocols prop up your relationship – meaning if you take away the protocols and rituals is your D/s or M/s dynamic still there? If yes then that is great! If not then you need to take a second look at your relationship. Build the foundation before adding furniture to your house.

Article MissBonnie © CollarNcuffs 2007

further Reading Resources


Exploring Femdom High Protocol Play: Ideas for an Intensely Structured Experience

Introduction to Femdom High Protocol Play

Femdom high protocol play represents a refined, intensely structured form of interaction within the BDSM community. This practice is characterized by an elevated level of discipline, structure, and formality, adding a distinct layer of complexity to Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships. High protocol play emphasizes rigorous adherence to predefined rules and rituals, fostering an environment of respect and reverence that enhances the power dynamics between the Female Dominant and the male or female submissive.

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Leather Lingerie

Erotic Leather Lingerie – How to Have a Great Experience


People are curious about leather, they want to try it but they are nervous and cautious because they feel the stigma around leather still exists and is prevalent in their network of friends and family.

Erotic leather lingerie is not just for cowboys, bikers and hard-core BDSM anymore, and while leather is definitely NOT mainstream, more and more people are introducing the idea into their fantasy and love life.

Leather invokes a surreal alter ego in everyone and it can be better for the soul then most self-help books. Slipping into a curve hugging elegant piece of leather can turn the shyest of dames into a purring sex kitten, giving her a right of passage into a realm of pleasure.

Whether she buys it herself or has it given to her as a gift, when she tries on that sultry leather there will be no turning back!

And for the lads out there, everyone knows leather denotes power and confidence and any man that puts it on knows how life changing it can be. He can absorb something from the leather that exudes sex appeal and charm. It’s truly a transforming experience.

The great thing about the WWW is you don’t have to worry if anyone is going to see you buying that leather thong or a sexy leather teddy it can be done with the click of your finger, in the privacy of your own home and you can even do it naked!

There are many styles and colors available in the market for erotic leather wear, and one must be careful when choosing what to buy. Leather that is mass-produced in facilities from the Far East will not give the product any justice and in fact it will discredit the beautiful elegance leather wear has to offer.

Is it cowhide or lambskin? Cowhide is great if you are riding a motorcycle or making a belt or wallet. Many manufacturers use cow nappa and while it’s soft, it does not offer the same buttery supple texture as lambskin and it does not have a resilience like lambskin so if you wear it once or twice, it will crease and become damaged. Lambskin bounces back to its natural texture; you can wear it over and over without the worry of having unsightly creases.

What about lining, does the product you are buying offer lining and if so, what type of lining is it? Is it top of the line satin or something inferior? You want to ensure that you are getting the best leather wear experience, especially if it’s your first time. So ask the retailer if their leather wear offers satin lining.

Satin lining is important not only for hygienic purposes but it also keeps your skin and hair away from being tugged on by the rivets and studs. Any manufacturer that cares about their consumer will offer satin lining on their leather wear, so be sure to ask. You will thank me for it in the long run.

Fellow shoppers, when browsing around for sexy leather wear be sure to consider where the leather is manufactured, is the designer on site inspecting each piece or is it outsourced to the far east for cheaper mass production? What type of leather is used, are the manufacturers giving you sophisticated resilient lambskin or a lesser quality cowhide? Does the manufacturer offer lining and if yes, what material is the lining made of? How does the price compare to the competition and the current market value of the various brands out there.

Considering these few things, while shopping online, will help to ensure your leather experience will be a successful one leaving you wanting more and more!

Resource Article: MissBonnie CollarNcuffs.com

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Corsets – All about corset the wonderful garment worn to mold and shape the torso

The Corset – A Symbol Of Powerful Female Expression

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The Corset – A Symbol Of Powerful Female Expression

leather corset

Madonna, Sarah Jessica Parker, Beyonce and a score of other celebrities in current pop culture have repeatedly brought the corset “out from under” and into the limelight over the past couple of decades. Whether a leather corset for an erotic spectacle on stage, a beaded one for the Red Carpet or lacy and casual for lunch with friends, the image harkens back, ever so subtly, to one of the first powerful ladies to don a corset, Queen Elizabeth I of England. That’s not to imply of course that Queen Elizabeth’s corsets were such blatant fashion statements as these women’s, but underneath it all, was there more being said than meets the eye? And it may not have been any of these celebrities’ intention to associate herself with powerful women of eras past necessarily, but it’s not a far stretch to say that this fashion statement speaks volumes and brings with it to its wearers a powerful history of female expression that spans centuries.

For a simple item of clothing, corsets have stirred many opinions as to their function and the role they play in the female wardrobe. In eras past, as a required fashion staple, corsets were sometimes considered to be the epitome of conservative male oppression of women with their restrictive binding. In current times however, fashion designers are less likely to consider corsets as a figment of male domination and instead covet them as a timeless fascination with shaping the female body and today’s wearers can surely be considered to be clearly exhibiting the ultimate form of confidence and feminine expression. Still, others who couldn’t care less about a corset’s cultural implications or their ability to shape a body consider them to be ideal under-garments supporting the back in a comfortable way–a very practical fashion in this sense. Of course, no fashion would be worth its weight without a little controversy and on this point, corsets have delivered.

Corsets basically evolved into the modern bra. But there clearly remains a fashionable allure for the earlier predecessor. Described today as gorgeous, ultra-glamorous, and sexy, corsets are available in a variety of styles and colors, fabricated from all types of materials. They’re often boned as were early patterns. But now, three things make modern corsets distinctly different from 16th and 17th century patterns. Today they range in size from small to 3X and above. Corsets are worn as outerwear, with jeans in casual settings and glamorized for evening wear. They are often used as lingerie, and unlike their predecessors, they’re designed to be comfortable and easy to get in and out of quickly.

In recent corset news, confirming the fascination with these garments, celebrities have custom designed embellished leather corsets and those made from other unusual and creative materials that have been auctioned for upwards of $1000 and beyond, to benefit charity. Not only are corsets sexy fashion, but they have become a very profitable endeavor!

On the lingerie front, leather corsets or those made from classic lace or racier PVC are popular today and available in a variety of styles and sizes as well. Just like their outerwear counterparts, a myriad of designs are created to accentuate the curves of the female physique and they are consciously designed to flatter the wearer. Many lingerie corsets now have optional G-strings and detachable garters. Other options include front zippers, lace up backs, hook and eye front closure, and adjustable shoulder straps. Sometimes lycra is added for more comfort and many patterns are lined in silk or satin.

It’s unlikely that the “powerful women of eras past” would have considered one of these garments as a staple in their wardrobe. But as for the women of today, current day corsets, from the simplest to the most elaborate, are one way of exuding powerful feminine expression on the outside and underneath. 

Resource Article : MissBonnie

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Corsets – All about corset the wonderful garment worn to mold and shape the torso

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All about corsets

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Table of Contents

What is a Corset and what isn’t?

A corset is a garment worn to mold and shape the torso into a desired shape for aesthetic or medical purposes (either for the duration of wearing it, or with a more lasting effect). Both men and women are known to wear corsets, though women are more common wearers.

Many garments sold as “corsets” during recent years are not technically corsets in the traditional sense. While modern “corsets” and “corset tops” often feature lacing and/or boning and generally mimic a historical style of corsets, they have very little if any effect on the shape of the wearer’s body.

In recent years, the term “corset” has also been borrowed by the fashion industry to refer to tops which, to varying degrees, mimic the look of traditional corsets without actually acting as one; such tops are frequently seen in stores which cater to fans of gothic fashion. Many such tops feature lacing or boning and are fairly tight-fitting; however, genuine corsets are usually made by a corsetmaker and should ideally be fitted especially for the individual

The word corset is derived from the Old French word cors , the diminutive of body, which itself derives from corpus – the Latin for body

The most common and well-known use of corsets is to slim the body and make it conform to a fashionable silhouette. For women this most frequently emphasizes a curvy figure, by reducing the waist, and thereby exaggerating the bust and hips . However, in some periods, corsets have been worn to achieve a tubular straight-up-and-down shape, which involves minimizing the bust and hips.

For men, corsets are more customarily used to slim the figure. However, there was a period from around 1820 to 1835 when an hourglass figure (a small, nipped-in look to the waist) was also desirable for men; this was sometimes achieved by wearing a corset.

corset

An overbust corset encloses the torso, extending from just under the arms to the hips.

corset underbust

An underbust corset begins just under the breasts and extends down to the hips.

Some corsets extend over the hips and, in very rare instances, reach the knees A shorter kind of corset, which covers the waist area (from low on the ribs to just above the hips), is called a ‘waist cincher’. A corset may also include garters to hold up stockings (alternatively a separate garter belt may be worn for that). Normally a corset supports the visible dress, and spreads the pressure from large dresses, such as the crinoline and bustle. Sometimes a corset cover is used to protect outer clothes from the corset and to smooth the lines of the corset.

Medical Corsets

People with spinal problems such as scoliosis or with internal injuries may be fitted with a form of corset in order to immobilize and protect the torso. However, this may be harmful if not medically indicated. Andy Warhol was shot in 1968 and never fully recovered, and wore a corset for the rest of his life.

Fetish Corsets

Aside from fashion and medical uses, corsets are also used in sexual fetishism, most notably in BDSM activities. In BDSM, a submissive can be forced to wear a corset which would be laced very tight and give some degree of restriction to the wearer. A dominant can also wear a corset, often black, but for entirely different reasons, such as aesthetics, and to achieve a severe, armored, “unbending,” commanding appearance.

Construction of Corsets

Corsets are typically constructed of a flexible material (like cloth, particularly coutil, or leather) stiffened with boning (also called ribs or stays) inserted into channels in the cloth or leather. In the 19th century, steel and whalebone were favored for the boning. Featherbone was used as a less expensive substitute for whalebone and was constructed from flattened strips of goose quill woven together with yarn to form a long strip (Doyle, 1997:232). Plastic is now the most commonly used material for lightweight corsets, whereas spring or spiral steel is preferred for stronger corsets. Other materials used for boning include ivory, wood, and cane. (By contrast, a girdle is usually made of elasticized fabric, without boning.) The craft of corset construction is known as corsetry, as is the general wearing of them. Someone who makes corsets is a corsetier or corsetière (French terms for a man and for a woman, respectively), or sometimes simply a corsetmaker (The word corsetry is sometimes also used as a collective plural form of corset.)

Corsets are held together by lacing, usually (though not always) at the back. Tightening or loosening the lacing produces corresponding changes in the firmness of the corset. Depending on the desired effect and time period, corsets can be laced from the top down, from the bottom up, or both up from the bottom and down from the top, using two laces that meet in the middle. It is difficult – although not impossible – for a back-laced corset-wearer to do his or her own lacing. In the Victorian heyday of corsets, a well-to-do woman would be laced by her maid, and a gentleman by his valet. However, many corsets also had a buttoned or hooked front opening called a busk. Once the lacing was adjusted comfortably, it was possible to leave the lacing as adjusted and take the corset on and off using the front opening (this method can potentially damage the busk if the lacing is not significantly loosened beforehand). Self-lacing is also almost impossible with tightlacing, which strives for the utmost possible reduction of the waist. Modern tightlacers, lacking servants, are usually laced by spouses and partners.

Waist reduction Corseting

By wearing a tightly-laced corset for extended periods, known as tightlacing (external Wiki link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tightlacing), men and women can learn to tolerate extreme waist constriction and eventually reduce their natural waist size. Tightlacers dream of 40 to 43 centimeters (16 to 17 inches) waists, but most are satisfied with anything under 50 centimeters (20 inches). Until 1998, the Guinness Book of World Records listed Ethel Granger (external link) as having the smallest waist on record at 32.5 centimeters (13 inches). After 1998, the category changed to “smallest waist on a living person” and Cathie Jung took the title with a 37.5 centimeters (15 inches) waist. Other women, such as Polaire, also have achieved such reductions (14 inches in her case). These are extreme cases, however. Corsets were and are still usually designed for support, with freedom of body movement an important consideration in their design. Present day corset-wearers usually tighten the corset just enough to reduce their waists by 5 to 10 centimeters (2 to 4 inches); it is very difficult for a slender woman to achieve as much as 15 centimeters (6 inches), although larger women can do so more easily.

Corset comfort

In the past, a woman’s corset was usually worn over a garment called a chemise or shift a sleeveless low-necked gown made of washable material (usually cotton or linen). It absorbed perspiration and kept the corset and the gown clean. In modern times, an undershirt or corset liner may be worn.

Moderate lacing is not incompatible with vigorous activity. Indeed, during the second half of the nineteenth century, when corset wearing was common, there were sport corsets specifically designed to wear while bicycling, playing tennis, or horseback riding, as well as for maternity wear.

Many people now believe that all corsets are uncomfortable and that wearing them restricted women’s lives, citing Victorian literature devoted to sensible or hygienic dress. However, these writings generally protested against the misuse of corsets for tightlacing; they were less vehement against corsets per se. Many reformers recommended “Emancipation bodices”, which were essentially tightly-fitted vests, like full-torso corsets without boning. . Some modern day corset-wearers will testify that corsets can be comfortable, once one is accustomed to wearing them. A properly fitted corset should be comfortable. Women active in the historical re enactment groups commonly wear corsets as part of period costume, without complaint

Modern history of Corsetry

The corset fell from fashion in the 1920s in Europe and America, replaced by girdles and elastic brassieres, but survived as an article of costume. Originally an item of lingerie, the corset has become a popular item of outerwear in the fetish, BDSM and goth subcultures. In the fetish and BDSM literature, there is often much emphasis on tightlacing . In this case, the corset may still be underwear rather than outerwear.

There was a brief revival of the corset in the late 1940s and early 1950s, in the form of the waist cincher sometimes called a “waspie”. This was used to give the hourglass figure dictated by Christian Dior’s ‘New Look’. However, use of the waist cincher was restricted to haute couture, and most women continued to use girdles. This revival was brief, as the New Look gave way to a less dramatically-shaped silhouette.

Since the late 1980s, the corset has experienced periodic revivals, which have usually originated in haute couture and which have occasionally trickled through to mainstream fashion. These revivals focus on the corset as an item of outerwear rather than underwear. The strongest of these revivals was seen in the Autumn 2001 fashion collections and coincided with the release of the film Moulin Rouge!, the costumes for which featured many corsets as characteristic of the era.

Similarly, other films have used these garments as costume features, generally to suggest a period effect, as in Van Helsing, where Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) wears an ornate underbust corset as part of her costume. Sometimes this is used for humorous purposes, as when in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) almost suffocates from wearing a tight corset. One distinctive feature has been to portray them in combination with catsuits, as in Star Trek: Voyager where Seven of Nine (Jeri Ryan) throughout the series wears catsuits with contained built-in corsets, or Underworld, where Selene (Kate Beckinsale) wears a black leather corset over matching latex catsuit

The majority of garments sold as “corsets” (or sometimes “corset tops”) during these recent revivals cannot really be counted as corsets at all, in the traditional sense of the word. While they often feature lacing and boning and generally mimic a historical style of corsets, they have little or no effect on the shape of the wearer’s body; traditional corsets generally require custom fitting by a tailor who specialises in corsetry.

A corset dress (also known as hobble corset because it produces similar restrictive effects to a hobble skirt) is a long corset. It is like an ordinary corset, but it is long enough to cover the legs, partially or totally. It thus looks like a dress, hence the name. A person wearing a corset dress can have great difficulty in walking up and down the stairs (especially if wearing high-heeled footwear) and may be unable to sit down if the boning is too stiff.

Advantages and disadvantages of corsets

Advantages

  • Health benefits
  • Corsets promote good posture.
  • Corsets can reduce pain and improve function for people with back problems or other muscular/skeletal disorders, such as Lordosis Some large-breasted women find corsets more comfortable than brassieres, because the weight of the breasts is carried by the whole corset rather than the brassiere’s shoulder straps. Straps can chafe or cut the skin. However, if a bra is properly fitted, the weight of the breasts is carried by the band and not by the shoulders, thus eliminating this problem for even women with very large breasts.
  • Personal, social and aesthetic advantages
  • Corsets can give a straight masterful posture
  • The straight posture accentuates the bosom.
  • corsets can instantly reduce the waistline by 5-10cm (2-4“).
  • Corsets can spread the weight of big gowns.
  • The corsets can show social status, as the corset-wearers are different from other people. In the old days, the upper-class wore corsets to demonstrate distinction from lower classes. Today, some subcultures wear corsets to demonstrate nonconformity.
  • Some corset-wearers enjoy the feeling of being “hugged” by the corset. Due to their tightness and close proximity to the body, corsets can make the wearer feel very warm. They have historically been worn in cooler climates.Some corset-wearers believe the shallow breathing imposed by the garment may charm men.

Long-term advantages of wearing Corsets

  • The abdominal pressure maintained by frequent corset use can help wearers reduce body fat by inhibiting the appetite without conscious dieting, slimming drugs, or cosmetic surgery.
  • Training with corsets can reduce waistline by 18cm (7”) or more.

Disadvantages of corsets

  • Many corset design have difficulty by the correct lift of the chest, on beginners. This example is breaking the ribs on the middle, opposite the correct redresseur corset (external wiki link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redresseur_corset) which bend the ribs up close at the spine.

Health risks with courestry

The use of corsets have two basic risks. The compression of chest and pressure down of abdomen. If a corset is correct the chest been immediately high and broad in corset, in the same way as the chest been high and broad by a pregnancy, by the pressure from the womb. But many corsets have (especially for beginners) a serious problem with the amount of pressure exerted on the ribs and chest cavity. A correct corset is too big in the top, before it is tightened. Compression of the chest can lead to serious illness. Wearing a tight corset may lead to difficulty breathing. If a girl who has not yet developed wider hips uses a corset without a wasp waist or shoulder straps, the corset can only compress the chest. And all entrails will be moved together and down. Its and liver. Developing children are far more vulnerable to the potential health risks of corset use. As such, corsets should only be worn by fully-formed adults, never by growing children.

Risks: Pressure down of abdomen

In old days the abdomen was covered of skirts, and of that cause many cheap corsets end on the top of abdomen, and press it down. In the expensive corset the abdomen was supported by a stiff busk or sometimes front lace or a hip belt.

Risks: Corset by wasp waist

Wearing corsets by wasp waist over a long period of time may cause the lower ribs (floating ribs) to become deformed and pushed inwards. This can lead to broken ribs.

Difficulties finding a corset

Low-quality corsets. Finding a well-fitting, good-quality corset among the many imitations can be challenging. The potential wearer must try on and inspect any corset being considered for purchase for quality and fit. An ill-fitting corset will chafe, impede digestion, and ultimately cause damage to the ribs and pinch nerves.

The difficulties in getting used to corsets

Fainting. If the wearer is unaccustomed to shallow breathing,or if it is tied to tightly too quickly, the muscles soon tire and work too slowly, severely reducing oxygen supply. Would-be wearers must train up their breathing gradually. It is important that the corset lengthens the waist, like a redresseur corset (external wiki link), for better shallow breathing. A waist cincher is too short to accomplish this.

Beginning to wear a corset

Corsets must be broken in/molded to the owner’s body for the proper fit and reduction of stress on the seams that may lead to ripping. A corset must mold itself to the body of the wearer, so buying a custom corset is recommended. It takes a full day for a corset to mold to the wearers body. It is started by lacing the corset on loosely and tightening the laces every few hours at least. This allows the corset to gradually mold to the body using body heat, making an overall better feeling corset. One may even need to take off the corset and let it cool before resuming to mold it in order to have in mold better. It is highly unadvisable to wear someone else’s corset, as it is molded to their body and was made to fit them! Wearing a corset made for someone else may result in pain and cause the corset to unmold and cause the original wearer discomfort. If one is not a corset wearer, it may take up to a week to feel fully comfortable in a corset. That doesn’t mean that the corset should hurt, because it never should, it just may take up to a week for a corset to become less uncomfortable.

Corsets for beginners

After use of a starter corset, the lower ribs are turned up and can bear the pressure from a long-waisted corset. Corsets for beginners (also known as starter or beginner corsets) should be easy to adjust to for someone who has never been corseted, and give the correct position of the ribs. Three types of corsets are recommended for beginners:

The posture corset, which goes from the hip (close to the pubis) and has a moderate waist. All corsets from Spirella Co. were of this type.. The posture corset was a invention of madame Roxey A. Caplin from before 1856 and is common today.

The underbust hourglass corset for tightlacing, with a waist reduction of no more than 4“ unless the wearer’s initial waist is larger than 38”, in which case a 6“ reduction is acceptable. However, only a short wasp waist can fit a beginner. The underbust hourglass corset is a alternative fashion. Historical corsets specifically for beginners – pair of stays and redresseur corsets. Redresseur corsets fell out of fashion in 1919.

To be avoided by beginners:

Waist cinchers and waist training belts are not recommended, as they do not offer proper support of the stomach. Many historical corsets were designed with the assumption that wearers had used corsets for years, and so are harmful for beginners. The wasp waist in these corsets is too long, forcing the ribs to bend down rather than up as correct. Fashionable women of the past had a long waists; longer than modern natural waists.

Article: MissBonnie collarncuffs.com ©

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The Corset – A Symbol Of Powerful Female Expression

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