Chastity Devices

A chastity device, is a locking item of clothing designed to prevent sexual intercourse, sexual activities, and possibly masturbation. The purpose may also be to protect the wearer from rape or temptation. Devices have been created for males and females.

The term “chastity belt” is also used metaphorically in modern English to imply overprotectiveness. The term carries a derisive connotation and may also imply that the subject is antiquated, or is cumbersome, or provides unnecessary or unwanted protection.

According to modern myth the chastity belt was used as an anti-temptation device during the Crusades, that when the knight was away from his young wife, he would force her to wear the belt day and night. There is no evidence or any documentation of such use, nor evidence of the existence of chastity belts until the 15th century, more than one hundred years after the last Crusade. On the other hand, it has been used as an anti-masturbation device for children in modern times from the 1700s to the 1930s. Nowadays it is prodomidetly used as BDSM equipment.

The actual use, if any, of medieval chastity belts would have been very limited, as the metalworking of the times would have made it difficult to fashion a belt safe for long-term wear.

Historical usage

The first known mention of what could be interpreted as chastity belts in the West is in Konrad Kyeser von Eichstätt’s Bellifortis, a ca. 1400 book describing the military technology of the era. The book includes a drawing that is accompanied by the Latin text: “Est florentinarum hoc bracile dominarum ferreum et durum ab antea sic reseratum.” (“These are hard iron breeches of Florentine women which are closed at the front.”) described as “both clumsy and heavy”, having “little in common with the later models which served the same use”. The Bellifortis account is not supported by any evidence or corroborating documents. In 1889, a leather-and-iron belt was found by Anton Pachinger—a German collector of antiquities—in Linz, Austria in a grave on a skeleton of a young woman. The woman was purportedly buried sometime in the 16th century. Pachinger, however, could not find any record of the woman’s burial in the town archives. The belt itself, along with most of the rest of Pachinger’s collection, has been lost.

Two belts have been exhibited at the Musée de Cluny in Paris. The first, a simple velvet-covered hoop and plate of iron, was supposedly worn by Catherine de’ Medici. The other—said to have been worn by Anna of Austria—is a hinged pair of plates held about the waist by metal straps, featuring intricately etched figures of Adam and Eve. There are other such belts at the Germanisches Nationalmuseum in Nuremberg and the British Museum in London. Most have been removed from display to avoid any further embarrassment because the authenticity of these belts as Renaissance devices has since been called into question.

From the 1700s through the 1930s, masturbation was widely regarded as harmful in Western medicine. Numerous mentions can be found in medical journals of the time of the use of chastity belt-like devices to prevent masturbation in children and adolescents.

Many designs for anti-masturbation devices were filed in the US Patent Office until the debunking of masturbation as a mental health problem in the early 1930s.

Modern use

Today, chastity belts are sometimes used in BDSM play and in consensual relationships. They are a means for the wearer to surrender control over their sexual behavior either for sexual play, or as a long-term method of preventing infidelity or masturbation. They range from simple leather or plastic toys commonly sold by adult stores to expensive high-security stainless steel devices made by a handful of specialist firms.

Chastity devices are also frequently used as a part of sexual feminization, where the male, who is called a sissy within the practice, is denied access to their penis as means of depriving them of sexual gratification such as masturbation and perceived masculinity.

Most modern chastity belt designs are descended from Hal Higginbottom’s designs from 1956. Sometimes modern Florentine-style belts are described as “Tollyboy-style” or “Tollyboy-type” belts as references to his company’s original design. Human anatomy varies very widely from person to person and steel belts intended for long-term use are bespoke items. The manufacture of such belts is necessarily a cottage industry. Many firms have come and gone over the years. Notable amongst those who have stopped manufacturing chastity belts since the 1980s are:

  • Access Denied (Paul Tooker of New York; closed after his death)
  • Herbert Rossmann (Austria)
  • In Discretione Fortitudo (Nifrik Scylla of the Netherlands)
  • Kastley (Germany) (reseller; original manufacturer unknown)
  • Pourquoi Pas (Germany)
  • Atelier Mode (Cologne, Germany)

Although no reliable statistics are available on the use of chastity belts, anecdotal reports from manufacturers suggest that most belts sold in Europe and the US are for men, and that of the female belts ordered, relatively few are used as rape prevention devices.


Manufacturers of belts include.

Belt types

Modern chastity belt designs generally follow the basic “Florentine” pattern (named after the Bellifortis reference), with a band around the waist or hips and a “shield” running between the legs to cover the genitals.

On belts intended for long-term wear, this shield must accommodate the wearer’s hygienic needs:

  • For females, the shield is commonly a flat band with a slot through which the labia can protrude and through which urine can pass. Some manufacturers fit a perforated cover (sometimes called the “secondary shield”) over this slot to prevent the wearer from being pinched when sitting. The cover may also prevent direct masturbation by blocking the labia from touch.
  • For males, the shield usually covers a tube in which the penis is held facing downward, with perforations at the bottom of the shield to allow urine to escape. The testicles are usually left exposed on both sides of the tube, although some designs have an additional cup that prevents easy access to the entire genital area.
  • Belts with a “thong” arrangement have a single strap running up between the buttocks to the waistband. On some, this is a plastic-coated cable or a thin, curved metal rod. This strap may or may not be loose enough to pull aside, depending on whether the fit of the belt is to protect against anal penetration. On other designs, the rear strap is solid with an aperture over the anus to allow passage of feces.
  • Belts with a “V”-arrangement have a pair of chains attached together at the bottom of the shield and apart towards the back of waistband in a “V” to leave the rear open.
  • On both male and female belts, the shield can be designed to work with genital piercings for greater security. Most modern belts fasten with padlocks. Some high-security designs nest the lock within a shroud to make it more difficult to attack with bolt cutters. A handful of manufacturers, however, do offer higher-priced models with integral locks for a sleeker profile.

Chastity tubes and cages

Chastity tubes or chastity cages are similar devices designed for males for use without a supporting belt, although such devices are nevertheless frequently described as “chastity belts”.

Most chastity tubes have two parts: a ring seated around the base of the penis behind the scrotum and a capped tube, into which the flaccid penis is inserted. The tube is perforated to allow fluids to drain easily. Some designs have a curved or angled tube to make erections uncomfortable. The two parts mate together on hinges or pins and are held fast with a padlock, holding the testicles in a gap close enough to prevent the penis from being pulled out.

A popular example was the CB-2000, introduced in 1999 by A. L. Enterprises, which was an attempt to make a secure and affordable device which could be mass produced.

Chastity via Urethral Insertion

The most recent form of male chastity device making its debut uses a urethral tube to prevent erection. Like the chastity tubes and chastity cages this device is designed to be used without a supporting belt.

A ring is first seated around the base of the penis and behind the scrotum. Next, a urethral “Wand” is inserted into the flaccid penis and locked in place via a connector rod which mates the ring and wand portions together. In an advanced model the urethral tube is hollow to allow fluids to easily drain from the body, and the urethral tube is curved to make erections uncomfortable. The testicles are held in the gap between the ring and wand, and the wand passes beyond the ring and deep enough into the body to prevent the penis from being pulled out. A prime example of a urethral tube device is the CockTrap™, introduced in 2008 by malechastitynow.

Article MissBonnie ©

Clips, clamps, and pins

..these are a few of my favorite Femdom things…


Imagine being in the depth of a terrific BDSM scene with your partner. Now, imagine the laundry bag full of clothes pegs/pins. “What?” You say! Think about it, why not take common household items and use them in an erotic encounter? Those cheap metal paper clips with the little miniature handles…a handful of colorful plastic or wooden clothespins…just imagine all the erotic spots you could use a dozen or two or three of those adorable and inexpensive miniature craft clothespins.

First and foremost, the basis of all BDSM play is ‘Safe, Sane and Consensual’. It is generally the Top’s responsibility to maintain safety during a scene, but, in my opinion, it is equally up to the submissive or bottom, to know and understand different play styles and safety considerations, before consenting to a scene. Now, let’s talk about safety!

Frequently, clothespins and clamps are used primarily on the breasts area, particularly on nipples. Other parts of the body are also erogenous and include, inner thighs, the webbing between toes and fingers, scrotum, and along the shaft of a penis. Clothespins make interesting earrings, on males, and with care, and can be used on any part of the body where you can ‘pinch’ up a fold of skin for the clamps and clothespins to grab. Here is the crux of the safety issue, in a nutshell: Clips, clamps and clothespins create the erotic sensations by cutting off the circulation! When left in place too long, or placed where they can crush or damage tissue and internal structures, such as the delicate blood vessels of the penile shaft, watch out! You have just managed to create a medical emergency for your submissive.

Selecting your ‘torture’ toys carefully is a step you can take to alleviate at least some of the danger involved in clamping human body parts and dangle bits.

Types of Clamping Toys

Wooden Clothespins

– By far, the most common clamping toys used in the BDSM and Femdom community. These are so inexpensive and readily available, you can easily toss them in the trash when you are finished with a scene, rather than trying to sterilize and re-use them. Wooden clothespins come in many sizes and clamping strength, so take your time and choose the right ones for your scene.

clipped penis
clipped penis

Plastic Clothespins

– Also, inexpensive and come in a variety of sizes (try the little doll size clothespins from the toy store for a real ouch and owww sensation!). Generally, the spring is not quite as strong on plastic clothespins as you find on quality wooden clothespins, but test them on yourself first, anyway. Plastic clothespins are much easier to sterilize than wooden ones. Just boil them in a pot of water for 3-5 minutes at a rolling boil, then strain out the water with a colander, and leave them to dry thoroughly before repacking them in your toy bag.

Alligator Clips

– Alligator are probably the most severe type of readily available clamping toy. They can be purchased at Auto supply stores, craft stores and electronic supply stores. They have teensy little painful teeth lining the jaws, and often have a ring or loop that you can attach weights of different sizes on for additional erotic torture. Be sure when sterilizing metal of any kind, to let it dry thoroughly before packing, or you will have a bag full of rust the next time you open your toy bag. Use a hairdryer to speed the drying process.

Legal-type Paper Clips, Medical Clamps, and Store-bought Clamps

– I personally never recommend the heavier paperclips bought at office supply stores. They have far too much ‘pinch’ to play safely, especially for a first-time clamping scene. Medical clamps, called ‘forceps’ are available in stainless steel and a variety of shapes and sizes. Generally, stainless steel forceps last forever and are sterilized by boiling them. They also make a great part of any Medical Scene! Finally, there are the great (and often decorative!) clamps you can purchase at any adult toy store, and even online.

Basic Safety Reminders

• Watch the placement! Never clamp any piece of flesh near to dense blood vessels, to avoid damaging nerves, or internal structures, such as the corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum of the penis, and tissues of the clitoral hood in women. Any damage to these structures can be permanent and cause lifelong pain and suffering.

Watch the clock! Don’t allow any clamping device to remain in place longer than 20 minutes maximum! The whole idea of clamping is creating condensed erotic pain when the blood flow starts recirculating back into the unclamped tissues. Do not allow the clamps to cause irreparable damage!

Watch Cleanliness! Never use any clip, clamp or clothespin on more than one submissive, without sterilizing the pieces thoroughly! And, NEVER switch back and forth between anal play and any other orifice with ANY toy.

With good planning, good communication, and adequate time for a session, your BDSM Femdom Clothespin Scene can be amazingly fun for everyone. Enjoy the exploration, and use your head. Your partner will appreciate it, and if you want to play clamping games again with them, you will too! Play safe!

Article MissBonnie and MissBitch ©

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Wood versus plastic

Wooden clothespins are a bit kinder and have less tendency to abrade, thus I would suggest starting with them. Plastic clothespins tend to have much smaller ribbed gripping surfaces, and a ‘feel’ much stronger than the equivalent wooden ones. Extremely small plastic clothespins are very nasty indeed, and many may be used in the same area for greater intensity These also work well for CBT.

Wooden clothespins are available in several qualities, with the older, thicker ones being a bit better IMHO, and the thin ones more likely to splinter or have sharp edges. As one may purchase 50 of these for perhaps $4 American, these rank among least expensive of toys, and among the most versatile. Almost anything one may do with fingertip squeezing may be done with clothespins, and several things that cannot be accomplished with one’s fingers may easily be done with these tiny household beauties. Of course, this does leave your hands free for other activities….

Clamping Tightness [“too hard!”, “too soft!”, “just right!”]

Unmodified, most wooden clothespins of quality grip with between 4 and 6 pounds of pressure over an area of 3/16 X 1/2 inches. This is too much for some, and not enough for others. The grip is best increased by wrapping the clamping end with elastic bands, and decreased in several ways. The simplest is by weakening the springs by clamping something that requires the clothespin to be open to its limit for several days. This will reduce the clamping pressure by several pounds, dependent on the initial strength of the spring, the width of the opening, and the length of time one allows for stretching. Carefully pulling the jaws wider than they would normally travel will stretch the spring quickly, but this is harder to control.

Wrapping elastic bands around the legs of the clothespin will resist the tension of the spring and weaken the clamping force without permanently weakening the spring.


If you are willing to spend a bit more time, drill straight through both legs of the clothespin legs about one third from the end and thread a bolt through the holes, tightening a wing nut on the bolt will allow for wonderfully precise changes in clamping pressure, since the bolt-nut combination adjustably limits the travel of the legs. It is often best to drill a larger hole or even a slot in one leg for ease of adjustment. This requires perhaps 2 minutes per clothespin and is well worth the time, as the pressure may be slowly increased as ability to enjoy the sensation improves. Weights may be hung off of the clothespin as well by hooks or cords attached to such holes and hardware.

‘Standard’ Techniques [suggestions for beginning and advancing]

One classical place to begin with clothespins is the nipple, but there are many possible variations to this alone. The first grip recommended most often is with the clothespin pointing straight onto the nipple, not from the side, gripping the base of the nipple, not the tip, and perhaps a bit of areola as well. This does not have the same sort of ‘bite’ as grasping the nipple alone may, and often does wonderful things for sensitivity without causing severe pain. It is best to start with a rather weak clamping pressure and work upwards, and if you are just beginning, try not to leave the pins on for too long [start with what he can endure, and eventually work up to perhaps twenty minutes

I prefer not to leave them on longer than this, your mileage many vary. I like shorter times as I’m assured of no damage and can play again another day.


The longer the clamping time, the more fierce the sensation caused by removing the pressure. The increased sensitivity afterwards may last from minutes to many hours, depending on the person, the clamping force and time; and several things might be done in this period to use that sensitivity to advantage [beating with the proverbial ‘wet noodle’ or even a featherduster is quite effective]. Ice applied immediately after removing the clothespin may reduce the length and severity of the sensation if that is desired. You might try putting the clothespin on sideways, with the nipple centered in the the hole in the clamping area. If you do this far enough back on the nipple base or areola, the tip of a large nipple will remain exposed for other things, such as ice, nibbling, or smaller clips and clamps.

You might try clamping the nipple only, or work gradually out from the areola as his ability to enjoy more increases. Tapping or lightly brushing the tips of attached clothespins is effective, and a light vibrator may also be used if taped to the legs of the clothespin.

One simple device works nicely for both nipples at once on all but the smallest female breasts. Take two clothespins and glue the outsides of the legs together with a slight overlap.

then use the clamping ends to grasp both nipples from the sides at once. The pull will vary depending on breast size, but some will be present, thus causing her to jiggle her breasts gently can be fun, and of course, this is often just the thing to add to tickling. Size differences may require an additional short piece of wood to link the pair together, length best found by experiment.

Several Dommes have mentioned pulling on clothespins or clips with strings, chains or cords. The nipple itself may also be encircled by a thin cord or thread, I have used unwaxed dental floss to good effect. Avoid slipknots for the obvious reason that they might tighten too far in use.

Pulling off a clothespin is more painful than squeezing the legs to remove it gently, and is the basis for several devices below. Again, the longer one leaves them attached, the stronger the result. It is also possible to flick off clothespins with a flogger or some other striking device, and combining the two is an interesting way to add some bright ‘explosions’ to the sensations of a ‘standard’ flogging without switching instruments or striking harder. When doing this near the front of the body, some form of eye protection is needed, a heavy blindfold will serve nicely.

Other places you might wish to try

Many areas of the body might do well with a bit of clamping either for sensation or visual appeal. Other parts of the breast, and any portion of the torso and limbs where one may gather a bit of skin come immediately to mind. In view of the tiny expense, one might use many dozens at one time.

Specific classic variations include but are not limited to:

* a row, circle [or other sigil of your choice] on the belly or back the inner thigh or arm

* a belt of clothespins round the waist * small clothespins on the webbing of fingers and toes * the earlobe [the dangling legs of the clothspin brush the neck nicely] * behind the knees and inside the elbows * a circle round the thighs as a reminder to keep them spread

‘Zippers’ and other tailoring

Drill a hole through one leg of at least one dozen clothespins, thread them on a thong or cord, knotting them at small intervals, and you have created a zipper. One derivation for the name will become obvious the first time one tugs swiftly on one end of the cord and hears the sound made by the pins pulling off sensitive skin [there may be other sounds as well]. The spacing may vary, longer ones may be made, and double rows of 20 or so clothespins are common. The inside of the upper arm or thigh are rather traditional for these, but most areas of the body are available, one of my own favorites being the side of the body normally covered by the arms, after binding the arms over the head. Ticklish and sensitive.

A ‘tri-zipper’ is my own name for three of these single zippers with one end of each fastened to a central ring [a keyring will do, but try to find something a bit larger]. The ring is centered high on the belly, with the farthest pins attaching to the nipples and genitals’ perhaps with a bit of spiral towards the center of each region, and the nearest ones fastening to the skin near the center. The look of horrified anticipation as you grasp the ring and begin to pull slowly outwards, each pin popping off in turn as the three zipper lines move towards the most sensitive areas is not to be missed, while pulling faster often causes volumes of coloratura shrieking.

Modifying pins for more intense sensations

The simplest method is increasing the clamping force with one or more elastic bands round the clamping end, but there are several others.

Exceedingly nasty, as the clamping force now concentrates primarily on three small areas rather than the entire clamping area. Use this carefully, preferably with a fully adjustable clothespin as above, and make quite sure by testing on yourself first that the ends of the brads are NOT SHARP at all to avoid damage. Useful for those seeking more than a ‘regular’ clothespin may provide.

Several less extreme variations on the idea above are possible, all based on disassembling the clothespin, filing several grooves in the wooden clamping area, then reassembling the clothespin. Grooves and blunt ‘teeth’ aid in preventing slippage, and feel a bit more harsh than flat wood.

Removing perhaps one-half of the side of the clamping area with a saw or rasp provides two benefits, the same clamping pressure will be applied over a smaller area, and double the number of clothespin tips may fitted to the same bit of anatomy. Remember to round the edges slightly with sandpaper to avoid splinters or other inadvertent injury.

A design for testing the clamping force of clothespins

Tradition demands testing on the web of one’s hand, this is well and good for impromptu buying and to get a subjective feel for the actual sensation of a new design, but lacks precision and repeatability, qualities dear to the heart of any engineer. Some thinking and a bit of experimentation resulted in the following frame to directly and accurately measure clamping force in clothespins

Article by MissBonnie ©



gag safety in consensual Femdom scenes

Gags are devices that are inserted into the mouth to muffle sound & increase the feeling of helplessness. Gags come in many sizes, shapes & materials. Everything from the ball gag to the penis gags to inflatable gags. Gag and muzzle play is wonderful for a variety of bondage and dungeon scenes or to spice up bedroom fun too. Gags are a very powerful instrument, when used in the correct way and for the right purpose, both from a psychological point of view (usually their main purpose) as well as from a purely physical and practical point of view. Many submissives find that being gagged exacerbates their sense of helplessness within a BDSM / Femdom scene, and desire to be gagged for that reason. Gags also have connotations of punishment and control, and are therefore often also used as a form of humiliation to the wearer.

Gags and Silence

In practice, no gag is effective enough to completely silence someone without inhibiting breathing. Most gags that do stop the sub from making intelligible speech still allow loud inarticulate vocal noises to call for help. For example, many people think that using a gag will help prevent complaints from neighbors. Guess what, it is very likely exactly the opposite occur. Want to know why? Well, If there is one very distinctive sounds (no matter how faint) the average TV-veiwer has gotten used to (psychologically programmed) the faint sounds of a gagged person, especially hearing it through walls, from behind bushes or from the trunk of a car. You won’t believe how many even wake up when they hear a sound that “sounds like” a gagged person and call the police. A gag can be useful to suppress outcries of pain provided the sub has been taught to BITE in it to fight the pain instead of shouting, (which is another energy burst). The gag doesn’t muffle the cries – the gag is supposed to be an alternative for shrieking and crying.

safety with gags

Placing a gag on anybody is very risky, as it involves a substantial risk of asphyxia if the subject’s nose is blocked by the gag. Using a gag on somebody who is ill, or affected by some condition such as the common cold, catarrh, or the flu, is also quite Dangerous and can be life threatening.

Sizing a gag

Most gags have been designed by people with little or no experience in Femdom power exchange, and usually only made to appeal to certain fantasies and create sales. So, whatever you do when you go to buy a gag: buy a small one. In the BDSM/Femdom-situation the objective of the gag is to humiliate, both through creating a saliva problem as well as through the fact that any more or less coherent speech is impossible and reduced to funny sounds. The main objective is to remind the submissive in a physical way that he is not supposed to talk. Some types of gags may serve other purposes as well, such as to bite in (to help fight or cope with the pain), steer (in pony play) or train (for oral sex)., a gag very frequently serves as a pacifier in the same way it does for babies. Being able (or being allowed) to suck on something can be comforting.

A gag that is too big will be too uncomfortable to keep in for any length of time (and usually that is exactly what you WANT a gag to be used for), because it will create cramps in the jaw muscles and a gagging effect if it is too long. There is no need for the gag to go in any deeper than halfway down the tongue.

There’ll almost always be room enough to let a sufficient amount of air flow around the gag. And – unless he has a cold – he can breath through the nose as well. The fear of not being able to breath is largely psychological and – although not very rational – something that most slaves will have to learn to overcome.

The main danger of a gag is that it will interfere with a submissives breathing. Do not leave a gagged submissive unattended. Make sure the nasal air-way is completely clear. Always double check your gags. Attach any mouth stuffing to the gag itself so it will not slide down the submissives throat

Tips for using gags

Never leave the sub out of sight and preferably be in a position where either the domme or someone else – if that is an option – can monitor the facial expression of the sub on a more or less constant basis (which is one reason why having mirrors in your dungeon can be very handy). The first signs of lack of air are the eyes widening (“popping out”), lips turning blueish and the facial skin turning either red or pale. Unexpected heavy sweating – on the forehead – is another warning signal Inability to breath is mostly a matter of panic. It should be dealt with. Always remove the gag instantly, because you should respond to panic seriously, regardless if there is a logical reason for it or not. .. Make sure there is some sort of non-verbal warning signal or safe word. Humming SOS in Morse code (three short – three long – three short) is one way, but not always handy. A bell to ring is the most efficient safety tool. An old and not always practical advice is to give the sub a ball or a set of car keys in his hand, he can drop if he feels he is in trouble. That signal may be too subtle and may be overlooked easily. If he has to drop something, let him drop something that makes noise when it falls, so you have a double warning signal!!the submissive vigorously nod their head UP and DOWN. (Most subs can shake their heads from side to side but hardly any nod)

Have the submissive grunt in a recognizable pattern, such as two short grunts then pause then two more (tunes can be fun)For our more talented submissives: learn the deaf alphabet and teach it to your dominant (Great if you need a submissive to focus…and not let their mind wonder) Make sure – whatever the restraint, bondage or position is – a gagged sub can always tilt his head sideways (when laying down) or bow it (when the head is in a more or less upright position) so he can expel excess saliva. This is humiliating, but always a better choice than choking. Never gag anyone suffering from heart or lung related diseases, regular hyperventilation or claustrophobia, someone who is on heavy medication or psycho drugs or suffers from diabetes or seizures.

Article by MissBonnie ©

Ben Wa Balls

Here’s a little background.

ben wa balls

Ben Wa balls originated in Japan and were originally called Rin No Tama. In their original form they consisted of three metal covered balls linked by a delicate chain with a silk string for retrieval. The first ball was meant to keep the other two balls in place to massage the g-spot and the vaginal opening. Women wore these balls not to bring themselves to orgasm but to enjoy a lasting teasing sensation. Modern sets work similarly, so don’t expect fireworks–this isn’t a toy designed to stimulate the clitoris. The most popular modern version is duo-tone balls, which are two or four metal spheres encased in hard plastic and linked with a cord for easy retrieval. The metal balls rock back and forth inside their plastic casings and vibrate, massaging the vaginal walls as the wearer moves. Another variation, the Smart Balls, has the balls encased in high-density, non-porous plastic. This one comes in all the colors of the rainbow and has the many advantages of any other non-porous toy.

[ NOTE: I do not recommend using any version of Ben-Wa balls that does not provide a cord or loop for easy removal. Traditional Ben-Wa balls can be awkward to remove yourself because, although the vagina isn’t all that deep, it is angled enough that deeply-inserted balls can be hard to reach.]

The debate about these things lies in the fact that the stimulation they provide can be very subtle, and some women say they don’t feel anything at all. This doesn’t mean that Ben Wa balls, in whatever form, are not pleasurable. Even if the sensations aren’t powerful, just knowing you’re walking around with a little secret inside can be a tremendous turn-on. Ben-Wa balls have been used throughout their history as a subtle all-day distraction just strong enough to make a woman really anticipate arriving home. Of course having these balls inserted can also greatly add to the pleasure of clitoral stimulation; for some, the internal sensation is delightful on its own. Removing them is as important to their use as wearing them around all day. Try pulling them out slowly at or just after climax to see what I mean.

It’s been years since I last tried Ben Wa balls so, in the name of science, I decided to brush up. Figuring a set of two would be enough, I grabbed a pair of duo-tone balls ($9.95) and with the help of a little lube slipped them into place. I went about my day and although I couldn’t feel any vibrations as such their presence was more than a little pleasurable. Both balls settled just within my vagina and provided a real sense of fullness. The second ball pressed against the opening with a pleasantly firm and insistent sensation. To quote Susie Bright: “almost in/almost out is my preferred method of going insane.” If anyone knows about these things it’s Susie. Of course, she was talking about using large Chinese metal relaxation balls – but most women would really have to work up to that. Ben Wa balls can be titillating or downright enjoyable, and any woman who is interested would find using them a fun experience.

I’ve fielded many questions about these little toys. Will anyone be able to hear them clicking? Won’t they fall out? Will they get lost in my vagina and end up somewhere near my ovaries? The answers in order are No, No, and My god go back to Biology class! Ben Wa balls can be a good introduction for those new to the sex toy world or put off by “The Destroyer.” They’re non-phallic, inexpensive, and an interesting addition to your tickle trunk.

A version of this article appeared in Brink magazine (August 1, 1998).by Shelley Taylor This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License

Cock rings for Femdom play

Many folks equate sex toys with vibrators and vibrators with women. But men enjoy all kinds of sex toys (including vibrators) and one of the staples of their toy box is the cock ring in and out of Femdom play scenes. A great toy for solo or partner play, the cock ring (also known as a penis ring) is a strip of material or a continuous ‘O’ ring designed to restrict the blood from flowing out of the penis, which can prolong an erection.

Why would I want to wear one?

Several reasons!

  • 1) The pressure caused by constriction can be a very pleasurable sensation, and can heighten sensitivity in the penis and testicles, not to mention strengthen and prolong orgasm.
  • 2) Since cock rings constrict the veins that would allow blood to drain out of an erection, some men find that wearing them can make their erections firmer, or even give them a little extra girth.
  • 3) Some men (not all) find they cannot ejaculate while wearing a ring; this can give more ‘staying power’ or a lovely, frustrating tease.
  • 4) They’re pretty! Cockrings present the genitals as an attractive ‘package’ by making them more physically pronounced, as well as having a sexy, aesthetic effect.

Will cock rings make my penis bigger?

Sorry guys, but not in the long run. They may enlarge it temporarily, but repeated use of cock rings won’t result in any permanent changes.

A cock ring is most often used to make an erect penis harder and bigger, to keep it that way for a longer amount of time, and to delay and heighten orgasm. Cock rings work by constricting blood flow, keeping blood in the shaft of the penis. When a wearer finally does ejaculate, the sensation is more intense, since it took a longer time to come, and because the penis is filled with additional blood.

Men use cock rings with partners and/or by themselves. Some are actual rings as their name suggests, made of metal or rubber. Since these cock rings are not adjustable, the right size needs to be chosen for a proper fit. For example, one that fits too tightly could be hard to remove and could cut off circulation in the penis entirely. Metal rings can cause a rash or other skin reactions in some men, so this is something to consider when shopping around. Adjustable cock rings made of rawhide or leather straps are easier for beginners to use since the fit can be changed, and taking them off is more manageable. Avoid using cock ring substitutes; rubber bands, binder clips, and vices, for example, cause too much constriction.

Cock rings fit over the shaft and the testicles/scrotum when a man is not erect. Ball by ball, the testicles go through, then the penis shaft dives in head first through the remaining ring space. The ideal cock ring stays in place when the penis is soft, yet it can fairly easily slip off or unsnap when the penis is hard. Lube can be added to make putting rings on and taking them off a little easier – something that works for finger and toe rings, too.


Adult-oriented stores with genital jewelery departments sometimes have fitting rooms where you can try on merchandise. If you’re into advanced planning, you, or your partner, can measure your penile girth, or approximate how many of your fingers bunched together equal the thickness of their fleshy friend. The flexibility of rubber and other elasticized cock rings allows a greater range of fit for more differently endowed men, but they are not one-size-fits-all. Or on the other hand you can use this formula: To find the diameter of a snug-fitting ring, measure the distance around the cock and balls (at the base, behind the scrotum), and then divide by 3.1. Don’t go smaller than that– you don’t want to get stuck.


For safety and pleasure, a cock ring needs to increase the size of the erection only slightly. If you notice more pronounced swelling, then the fit is too tight. In that case, take the cock ring off immediately. It’s also vital for men to take off their cock ring at the first sign of pain or if the genitals feel cold. In addition, it’s dangerous to leave a ring on for too long, including wearing one to sleep when spontaneous erections are all the rage. An erection of several hours can cause blood coagulation in the penis, making it difficult to lose the erection. This is called priapism, a prolonged erection. Since new blood cannot enter the penis, this can be severely painful and cause permanent damage to the erectile tissue. If this happens to you, seek medical attention as soon as possible, and don’t worry – the staff at the ER has seen this before.

Another place you might want to forgo a cock ring around your penis is the airport. In these high-security times, metal detectors will catch some of these penis-erectors that are tricky to explain and/or remove for closer inspection.


Because they restrict blood flow, cockrings should not be worn for more than 20-30 minutes at a time, as doing so could damage the blood vessels of the penis. Again, the ring should Be snug, not tight. When using metal cockrings, size matters! A too-small ring that fits when you are soft might be painfully tight when you’re erect. In that case, your choices are ejaculation (if you Can), applying ice, or a trip to the emergency room to cut the ring off. Until you have some experience, it’s advisable to use rings that can be taken off quickly and easily.

Pick a Style, Any Style

There are many kinds of cock rings, but if you’re new to cock rings, you’ll want to choose one that’s adjustable and easy to remove.

Cock rings that fasten

Basic leather or nylon cock rings are great for beginners because they’re easy to put on and can be removed in (literally) a snap. Those with snaps can fit a bit more securely, while those with Velcro closures are very adjustable and especially easy to remove.

Continuous, O-ring-style cock rings.

The less expensive styles like the are great for first-time users. They’re not size-specific (and despite their small size, they do stretch a lot), and they’re not too difficult to get on. Some, like the Black Megastretch (, are adorned with small nubs which can give some clitoral stimulation if worn during intercourse.

Vibrating cock rings (

These offer an extra buzz to the penis or testicles and are also great fun during partner sex. They’re typically rings with a small vibrating attachment, like the translucent Diamond Ring () vibe or the Sonic Ring Kit (

Cock rings with fancy features.

Experienced cock ring fans can delight in more complicated leather rings that include multiple straps, testicle separators, or weights, as well as rings made of inflexible materials like aluminium.

Get it on, and then get off!

Prep your gear.

If you’re using a stretchy O-ring, you might want to increase its diameter by putting it over a shampoo bottle for a few hours. Masturbate or fantasize in order to perk up your penis, as cock rings are easier to put on if you’re semi-erect.

Lube up.

Particularly if you’re using a rubber or seamless O-ring, put some lube on your penis and balls, so the cock ring will slide on more comfortably.

Location, location, location.

Cock rings typically are worn around the base of the cock and the balls. You can just wear it on the shaft (and by all means experiment), but cock rings function the most effectively when secured around both the scrotum and cock.

Put cock rings on when you’re semi-erect.

If you’ve got a solid cock ring, first pull the loose skin of your scrotum through, then drop one testicle through, then the other, and finally push your penis through. If you’re using a strip of material that fastens, just gently lift your balls and fasten the strip around the penis and the balls, so it’s resting between your genitals and the rest of your body.


Once you’ve become accustomed to the sensations your cock ring creates, try masturbating. If your ring is the vibrating type, you can experiment with pointing the vibrating portion on your testicles for an extra buzz.

Make a statement.

Get into the fantasy surrounding your cock ring Whether you’re showing off a festive adornment as part of a striptease, wearing it under your clothes to show off your package, or telling your lover you’re proud to be submissive by wearing a locking cock ring, play up the erotic potential of your toy. Cock rings are fun for silicone dicks, too! Strap a colourful or sexy leather ring on a dildo to dress it up.

Share it with a friend.

Vibrating cock rings were designed to offer female partners clitoral stimulation during intercourse. Position the vibrator near the top of your cock (or the dildo if you’ve got a strap-on) so that during intercourse it bumps up against her clitoris. Keep your body down parallel to hers and try slow, shallow thrusts to make sure she receives consistent contact with the vibrator. Or try it with her on top, moving in more of a grinding than up-and-down motion.


Cock rings lend themselves well to other sex toy combinations. Try using applying a cock ring and adding a butt plug to your masturbation session.

Get it off.

In general, it’s best to take off your cock ring after about twenty minutes. Pay attention to the penis; it should never turn cold or go numb (clear signs you’ve had the cock ring on too long). To remove a solid O-ring style cock ring, you need to be only semi-erect so the ring is loose enough to feed your dick and balls back through. (Applying ice can help take down a stubborn erection.) Worn to look hot and ready for sex, or just to feel good, cock rings can double your pleasure and create a sexy package-think of them as form and function in one!

Article MissBonnie © Imgs: and links from babeland™

(no I am not associated with them and get no kick backs.)

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All you ever wanted to know about lube for Femdom use

Discovering lube as a grown-up is like discovering what your clit or dick does as a kid. “Who,” you think, “was the brilliant mind behind this idea? And why did I not know about this sooner? Why did I memorize the quadratic equation in high school, but not hear a word about this vastly more life-improving substance?” Below you will find an introduction to this lovely stuff.

Why use it?

Because without changing any other single thing that you do in your sex life, you will completely change the feel of most of the things you’re already doing. Ever had a hard time coming because the friction of your hand on your clit left you less than excited? Ever been enjoying a nice long round of intercourse only to be stopped short by irritation? Ever ended up with a raw penis after a vigorous jerk-off session? Ever had trouble with anal insertion

Ever had a condom break?

Lube, lube, lube, lube. But not every lube is ideal for every person or every situation. Each lube has a main ingredient, and each has pros and cons. Some lubes are better for anal penetration and some are better for jerking her or him off. Some have chemicals that may be hard on sensitive skin, others are more natural.

What’s the main ingredient?

The main ingredient of a lube, or its base, determines several things about how it will act in different situations.

Oil Based

(e.g. hand lotion, vegetable oil, Stroke It!): This is probably one of the oldest lubes around, since oil based lubes can come from lots of different natural sources. They tend to be found hanging around the house in kitchen and bathroom cupboards, which makes them pretty handy and convenient. They last for a long, long time, and are excellent for giving hand jobs to boys. They’re bad for a couple of really important reasons, however. Oil and the vaginal microcosm do not go well together. Oil doesn’t easily flush out of the body, and so can upset the delicate balance of the cunt’s flora. Also, oil eats microscopic holes through latex, so if you’re using any kind of safer sex barrier that isn’t non-latex, you can end up with an STI or a pregnancy.

Silicone Based

e.g. Eros, Eros Woman): Like oil based lubes, silicone based lubes last forever and a day. They can also be used in water, and so are great for those who like to play in the shower or tub. They’re scentless and tasteless, and are great to massage with, since they let you rub a good long time There’s no problem in using them with latex, so you can go right from massage to safer sex. One draw-back is that you can’t use silicone lube with silicone toys; the other downside is that they last forever and a day, which can make your vagina prone to infection. Eros Woman is a lighter formulation, which may mitigate that problem for women who aren’t using it with silicone toys.

Water Based

(e.g. Slippery Stuff, O’My, ID Glide, Probe): This is the best type of lube for women. Because water evaporates, lube with water as the first or second ingredient don’t stick around to upset the cunt or anal passage. Because of that and their latex compatibility, water based lubes are the most common and popular kind. They come in a wide variety of viscosity and sensations, anywhere from creamy to oily. You can also get flavoured water based lubes if you’re looking for something a little different.

Viscosity Thick vs. Thin

Once you’ve decided on what the base of your lube will be, the next step is to pick what kind of viscosity you’re looking for. Lubes range from incredibly thick (e.g. Maximus) to super thin (e.g. Astroglide); one isn’t inherently better than the other. Thicker lubes tend to stay put a lot better than thinner lubes, which makes them a better candidate for anal play, fisting, or any kind of slow penetration.


This is another caution for women: if you’re particularly prone to yeast infections, avoid any lube with glycerine listed as an ingredient. Yeast loves glycerine, and will multiply happily in its presence. Two lubes that do not contain glycerine are Slippery Stuff and Liquid Silk. If you’re not particularly prone to yeast overgrowth, then a lube that contains grapefruit seed extract (GSE) may be the ticket. The GSE balances the pH of the vagina, and creates an environment inhospitable to yeast. Lubes containing GSE include Probe and O’My. An aside to vegans: unless the ingredients list specifies vegetable glycerine, it’s probably from an animal source.

Other Ingredients

There are a few other things to watch out for. For example, methelparaben is used as a preservative in almost all lubes, and those with sensitive skin should avoid it. Look instead for grapefruit seed extract. Some of our lubes only have a few ingredients in them, but most have a very long list, so look carefully and check to see if it contains something to which you know you’re sensitive.

What’s the scoop on safety?

If silicone breast implants are dangerous, wouldn’t silicone lubes also be dangerous?

Breast implants become dangerous when they break and the silicone leaks into the blood stream. Silicone lubes only contain a fraction of the silicone contained in medical implants and don’t pass into the blood stream.

Why do you say not to use silicone lube with silicone toys?

Use a condom when playing with silicone lube and silicone toys to avoid a chemical reaction between the two that will cause your sex toy to change shape-not in a good way.

Why can’t I just use spit?

It’s true that while spit is cheap, and you may have seen non-stop spit-fests in porn movies, the reality is that spit dries out pretty quickly and can leave genitals feeling even drier afterwards. If someone has oral herpes, using spit as lube poses a threat of infection to your partner.

Have Fun!

article MissBonnie ©

Strap on Harness

What the hell is a harness? What type is the best for Femdom and pegging? So your partner has said he wants you to use a harness on him? Why does he want this? But I don’t know what to do ? Or where to start ?How do I use it?

How about we start at the beginning…take a breath We’ll help you, your not alone. Lets tackle your questions one by one. A strap-on dildo (also strap-on, dildo harness) is a dildo designed to be worn (usually in a harness) by one partner and used to penetrate another partner vaginally, anally or orally, used by both heterosexual and homosexual couples. For a woman, a strap-on can be used to anally penetrate a man (pegging), for vaginal or anal lesbian intercourse, or for artificial fellatio.

For a man, a strap-on can be worn for penetrative sex, and may be used in cases of erectile dysfunction, for double penetration, or to penetrate multiple partners. A wide variety of harnesses and dildos are available, with different ways of fitting the wearer, attaching the dildos, stimulating the wearer or the receiver, and all with different features, advantages, and drawbacks for both users.

The topic of anal pleasure is rarely openly spoken about. More than likely this is because any talk of anal pleasure tends to bring out feelings of embarrassment in most people (particularly men). Despite the hush hush on the subject, however, there is a growing interest to learn about the topic of anal pleasure. In this article I will go over various ways you can pleasure your lover anally. Both men and women can enjoy anal pleasure. You are probably aware of this but what you may not be aware of is that men and women enjoy anal pleasure for different reasons (physically speaking). Women enjoy anal pleasure because their is a wall of skin that is shared by their pussy and their rectum. Women’s sexual nerves are actually closer to this side of the wall than they are to the other side. Men enjoy anal pleasure because through their anus their prostate is stimulated.

Ok you have your willing partner, so our first step, is going to be, what harness your going to need ?

Harness come in may types, and shapes. grab a drink settle in and learn what is what. We have compiled a general list of harness with the idea you can find what most suits your needs.

The first part of a strap-on setup is the harness, which connects the dildo to the wearer’s body, usually in a position similar to that of a male’s genitals. A good harness should be sturdy yet comfortable, and is often designed to provide stimulation for the wearer. Many different types of harnesses are available, with different features and drawbacks, and which harness is best is often a matter of taste, as there is no one “right” answer. Some dildos do not need a harness or are built onto one; for these, please see the sections on dildo types and dildo attachment methods

2-strap harness

In its most basic form, is similar to a g-string. One strap goes around the wearer’s waist, like a belt, while the other goes between his/her legs and connects to the other strap in the middle at the lower back. While these are simple, many people find them uncomfortable because to the strap rubs against the anus and other areas, and they sometimes do not hold the dildo very firmly, causing it to sag, flop, or twist.

3-strap harnesses

also have one strap around the wearer’s waist, but instead of one strap between the legs, have two straps, one around each thigh, rejoining the first strap near the front. This design leaves the genitals and anus uncovered, and attaches the dildo much more firmly, giving the wearer more control. However, not all people find this design comfortable, and sometimes they are hard to make fit properly or tend to slip. 2 straps or 3? 3 straps or 4?- A variation on these designs, usually on harnesses which mount the dildo substantially lower (on or near the vaginal opening) rather than higher up, has a continual waistband that is not part of the dildo mount or backing, with a V-shaped pair of straps in the front, and either the single strap between the legs or the two straps around the thighs. The former of these is called a 3-strap, and the latter a 4-strap, however most of the aspects of their design and use (such as a strap over the anus, etc) are the same as 2-strap and 3-strap harnesses, respectively.

Other Harness types

alternative styles of strap on harness

Corsets and other clothing items- Strap-on harnesses built into various clothing items are available, most often as a corset or other item of lingerie. Some are designed to be worn underneath normal clothing for quick use (if done with the dildo in place, either to give the appearance of a penis or to be able to quickly initiate intercourse, this is sometimes called packing), while others take advantage of the additional strength and sturdiness an item of clothing can provide over a few straps, or just to integrate the strap-on into an erotic outfit. Thigh, Chin, and other locations- Harnesses are not limited to the crotch, and indeed many types are available for other body parts. A popular one is a thigh harness, which attaches a dildo to the wearer’s thigh (or other part of the legs or arms, though this is much less common), allowing for many unique positions, as penetration is no longer limited to what could be done with a penis. Another unusual design attaches a dildo to the chin of the wearer, allowing vaginal penetration while performing cunnilingus.

Furniture, beach balls, and other objects- Harnesses are available to attach dildos to just about any household object, allowing for many creative uses. A dildo could be attached to a chair, bed, or any other item of furniture, and penetrate someone during other activities, with or without a partner. Another item, while not technically a harness, but worth mentioning, is an inflatable ball, usually 9 to 18 inches (250 to 500 mm) diameter, made of sturdy rubber designed to support the weight of one or two people, with an attachment for a dildo on it. This allows many unique positions, such as double penetration for a woman by laying face down on the ball for vaginal penetration while her partner penetrates her anally doggy style, which is much more effective than a solid object due to the “bounce” of the ball. These inflatable balls are also quite popular for solo use.


Harnesses are available in many different materials, and the choice of which to use depends greatly on individual preference.


Leather is generally considered the best material, and most professional harnesses use it. It is comfortable, adjusts to the wearer’s body, soft, and fits well, but still is strong and not prone to stretching during use. Leather may be slightly harder to clean and require a bit more work to take care of than other materials, however this is usually only a problem with very heavily used harnesses and while not as comfortable as leather, are often much more affordable and may be more durable than leather, as well as being easier to clean and not needing any maintenance.


Cloth is used mostly for clothing harnesses such as corsets and other lingerie, although is occasionally used by extremely inexpensive harnesses, which are often uncomfortable or useless. Construction of lingerie harnesses is similar to most normal items of clothing, although they may use substantially thicker material to give the strength needed to support a dildo firmly. .Plastics- Some harnesses are made with soft plastic, such as flexible vinyl. These are often available in unique colors, such as completely transparent, which is not possible with other materials. The downside is they’re possibly less comfortable than other materials, and may be difficult to make fit well, however they tend to be very easy to clean and reasonably rugged.

Latex, rubber, and PVC

Latex harnesses usually cover the entire area, rather than just using straps. They tend to be medium-priced, and have a limited lifespan, especially if used with oil-based lubricants. Latex can require much care, such as special cleaners or shiners to keep it from turning dry and dusty. Latex harnesses may or may not have the dildo (s) molded as part of the harness, and in either case, they tend to be floppy due to the flexibility of the latex. Similar harnesses are also available made of rubber or PVC, and are similar to latex harnesses, although PVC tends to be much less flexible and elastic

Synthetics (Nylon, synthetic leather, foam)

Nylon webbing and soft foam-like synthetic leather are also common

OK still with us ?

So now you’ve chosen your harness type and material, next step is going to be what we use with it. So here we go again with the lists. The most noticeable feature of any strap-on setup is the dildo used. A wide variety of dildos are available, and while the choices may be limited by the type of harness in use, generally one can choose from several common types. This section discusses the shape and features of the penetrating end of the dildo, not of the entire dildo or how it’s attached.

dildo systems for  strap on harness

The “standard”

dildo has a non-tapered or slightly tapered shaft, and often has an enlarged head, similar to a penis. The shaft may be slightly curved, but if it is strongly curved, it is often classified as a g-spot/prostate dildo as well. This type is by far the most popular, both for vaginal and anal use, although some beginners prefer a probe type dildo. Depending on the type of harness the dildo is meant for, it may have molded testicles as part of the base, which many people say gives more pleasure and helps keep the dildo from “bottoming out.” Standard dildos are the most common by a large margin, and are available in virtually any length and width, material, texture, etc.


Used primarily by Doc Johnson, Vac-u-lock dildos have a rippled hollow in their base, which fits onto a matching plug on the harness or other toy. The advantage of this design is the dildo is firmly attached and can not easily rotate, and does not tend to flop downwards or slip like ring harnesses, as well as there being a wide variety of other devices the dildos can be attached to, such as handles and inflatable balls. The disadvantage is the relatively low availability and high cost of compatible attachments. A number of brands have non-compatible clones of the vac-u-lock system, but dildos and accessories for them are virtually unavailable.

Strapless (Feeldoe)-

A recent design is a strapless strap-on, designed to hold itself in a woman’s vagina with an egg-shaped bulb, and does not require the use of a harness. This differs from a double dildo, in which both ends are symmetrical, as a double dildo can not hold itself in place in one partner while penetrating the other partner. The advantages of this design is that it can be used without any preparation, making using it much more spontaneous, that it provides deep internal thrusting to both partners, and that it can be more comfortable than having to wear a possibly bulky harness. However, it has the disadvantage that it may require strong muscles to use, and it may take practice to be comfortable with one. (I’ve personally found the feeldoe in a two or three strap harness to be the best option for myself) so now we will move onto the attactments in greater depth.

Double dildos-

A double dildo can be used with or without a harness, although most provide no means of using them with a harness. A double dildo, as its name implies, is a dildo in which both ends are designed for insertion, and often is 18 inches (500 mm) or more long. While special ones meant for use with a harness do exist, a normal double dildo is straight, is rarely at a comfortable angle for intercourse, and jabs into the cervix of a woman using one. However, double dildos can be used for a variety of creative positions for which a harness would be awkward, such as both partners in doggy style positions or sitting facing each other.

One-piece latex-

(see pic marked standard). Some harnesses and dildos are made of a single piece of molded latex, with the dildo permanently built into the front. These are often inexpensive, shoddy products, although higher quality ones are available. The advantages are simple use and an appearance some people find erotic, but this is often outweighed by the inability to use a different dildo, the often weak, floppy nature of the dildo, the inability to adjust to a given person for a comfortable fit, and their relatively short lifespan. Straps directly attached to the dildo- Some very cheap “strap-on dildos” have straps or attachments for straps directly molded into the material of the dildo. This design is very flimsy, and is only used on the cheapest of cheap products. They are essentially useless for the traditional purpose of a strap-on dildo (one partner penetrating another using a dildo in a position similar to a penis), but can be strapped around chairs and other objects for a variety of interesting activities.

Still awake yeah I know I’m boring you, but that’s all the hard stuff out of the way. So by now you know what you want in a harness and attactment, so what are you waiting for? The stores await…go on…go shopping.

Well just a little longer and you’ll be ready. Next up we’ll cover Positions while just about any sexual position that can be done with a penis can be done with a strap-on (as well as others), there’s a few in particular that should be mentioned.

Doggy style-

Doggy style is popular, as it’s simple, easy, and allows deep thrusting. The receptive partner kneels down with his (or her face) against the bed (or other surface), and is penetrated from behind. This position works well for both vaginal and anal penetration, and allows deep, smooth strokes, however it sometimes stimulates the prostate less than other positions during pegging.


The missionary position is also popular, and allows both partners to cuddle, see each other, kiss, or perform other activities during intercourse. When used for anal penetration, a pillow or other object (specially made foam cushions are available for this purpose, but their effectiveness over a pillow or two is debatable) placed under the buttocks of the receiver will elevate the anus to a comfortable position and angle.

The uses for a strap-on are limited only by the imagination of the user, and virtually all positions “normal” sex can be had in can also be done with a strap on, plus with thigh, furniture, ride-on ball, and other harnesses, many more that can’t be done normally. Two people can simultaneously penetrate each other, for example, and virtually any other idea that that can be thought of (and obeys the laws of physics) can be done with a strap-on or two.

Don’t forget

When pleasuring your partner anally, you must remember to be very, very gentle. No matter how many times you and your partner may have tried it, you must still be gentle. If it will be the first time you and your partner will try it, then expect it to be very painful when you start. You must take your time, be slow, and gentle. It may be required that your partner may need time for you to just be still so they can adjust to the feeling of your strapon cock inside of their anus. You can’t go in and just start pounding away, especially if you are doing it with someone that has never experienced anal sex (it is not in a porn movie). Also you don’t want to tear anything…

Another reason you must be gentle, and very careful about what you are doing is because it is very easy to tear the skin inside of the anus. And trust me, it doesn’t feel too good to get ripped up in there!

How do I ‘talk’ about harness play.

If you are thinking about bringing up the topic of anal sex with your partner then please remember to be very sensitive, not only about how you bring the topic up, but be sensitive to your partner’s feelings as well. Your partner may have been thinking about bringing the topic up too, but they also may be one of those people who were dreading the question ever being asked. So be sensitive to their feelings. You also must be prepared to be patient. It may take them some time to warm up to the idea, and it certainly will take them time to get use to doing the actual act. You have to work your way up to going faster and deeper, you can’t start off that way. Listen to your partner, let them be your guide. Anal sex should be a pleasurable as possible for both of you.

There are a few positions that make anal entry easier which we will now go over. In the first position, your partner should be on their knees and elbows, bent over. If your partner has something under their chest like a pillow or a blanket they may be more comfortable. Your partner should try to relax as much as possible. If it will help them, try to get them to think about something other than what you are about to do. Once the anus is relaxed, it’s not only much easier for you to penetrate it, but it also hurts less for your partner. In the second positions your partner should lay on their back with their knees up. Once again, a pillow or a blanket may make them feel a little more comfortable. Place the pillow or blanket under their butt this time. The extra height will help you to enter the anus more easily. And in the third position, your partner would lay on their side. Their legs can be either spread apart as if they were taking a step forward, or they could bring their upper leg up to their chest. There are other ways they may positions their legs if they wish. They should do what ever feels comfortable for them.

The next topic I would like to discuss is anal cleanliness

Of course it goes without saying that your partner’s anus should be cleaned both before and after anal sex, or anal play for that matter. If you happen to be the one to clean your female partner’s anus after you’ve had anal sex then always, always remember to wipe her front to back. This is extremely important because you could give her a yeast infection if you don’t, which would be very unpleasant for her.

Your partner should try to have a bowel movement before you engage in anal sex/anal play. This will reduce the chances that it will turn up during your anal pleasure session. However, it is possible that it still may show up, so be prepared for that. If you’re going to stick it there then you have to expect to deal with that sort of thing at one time or another. Just deal with it as best you can. Chances are your partner would be more embarrassed and or mortified than you would be, so be sensitive to that as well.

Lubrication is the next important issue to discuss.

When practicing anal sex you and your partner should discuss what kind, of lube you plan to use. There are oil based lubricant out there, such as Vaseline, petrolatum, and other oil based lubricants not only make penetration easier, but can also act as an insulator of sorts against any potential “material” that might surface, that you may consider using. However, also consider that latex dildo are damaged by oil based lubricants. Oil based lubricants have also been linked infections, so while acting as an guard to lessen ‘scat’ they may be potentially harmful. There are water based lubricants to consider . When pegging, even more than for other forms of anal sex, proper selection and quantity of lube is extremely important. Many dildos do not “hold” lube as well as a penis would, and a thicker or better adhering lube will likely perform much better with water based lubes being the most popular and readily avail bile. Discuss which type of lubricant you think would be best with your partner. You may even try a few different kinds of lubricant out to see which one you both prefer.

When preparing to have anal sex with your partner you may consider playing around with them a little bit instead of getting right to the actual act. Take some time to build up the mood and get you both excited. Spend some time going down on, or paying attention to their genitals as well don’t completely ignore those!!). You also might want to prepare your partner’s anus for entry by licking it and/or fingering it. Once again, let your partner be your guide. They will tell you what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, how fast or slow to go.

If you’re going to lick their anus, my suggestion would be to start off slow and gentle. Don’t penetrate it right away. Spend some time gliding your tongue around and across the hole. This will loosen up and prepare the anus to open up. Then, gradually, you can start to penetrate the hole with your tongue. Pay attention to your partner’s actions and reactions to see what they like or don’t like on top of getting them to guide you. Or if they don’t guide you at all, this would be a good way to tell what you should and shouldn’t keep doing.

If you plan on fingering your partner then be sure to trim down your nails. Fingernails can and will cut the inside of your partner’s anus, and that can be very painful. , so be careful. Be very careful about how you penetrate the anus with your ‘cock’ too. I say this because if you do it wrong it can be a lot more painful than it would be if it were done correctly. Don’t shove the whole thing in all at once. Slide in a little bit at a time. This is also very important. It should take you a good bit of time to get the whole length of your ‘penis’ inside. The actual amount of time will depend on your partner (remember let your partner be your guide?). Some strap-on dildos come with batteries and vibrate as an added feature to increase the user’s pleasure. Set the vibrating element on “low” to start, and increase the intensity according to your preference.

Once you are completely inside you won’t be moving in and out completely right away either. It’s going to take a lot of patience. But once you have gotten to where your partner says it’s alright for you to move in and out as you please, you should both experience a great deal of pleasure. Pleasure that will be well worth all the time and effort you put in to getting to that point.

The thrusting part will be difficult, specifically, keeping a rhythm going, and that’s for both of us. I think the key is to take your time at first and try different positions. if you have time, try even more positions.. a woman and doesn’t naturally fuck in this way, so watch lots of porn and take notes of what positions the Ladies are in when using a strap-on, They say practice makes perfect.

I know I’ve spoken a lot about pain and the like during this article, but that’s only because the things I’ve discussed should be taken very seriously. If you and your partner take caution and do things properly then this experience should be very enjoyable for both of you. Just remember to communicate, be gentle, take things slow, and be sensitive and everything should work out well.

Wash your strap-on dildo before and after each use.


I just received a Email from an emerging Domme I’ve been ‘mentoring’ she has tried her harness for the first time, she has allowed me to post an extract of email here since we both felt it was relevant to the topic at hand ‘The issue of feeling too masculine’

That was a big fear that I had and I know a fear that many other women have as well. Some of us want to remain very girly during the whole ‘donning a penis’ experience. I can say that the concern didn’t even cross my mind. I didn’t feel self-conscious for a moment, but I really think it’s because I spent a lot of time picking out a harness and a dildo that I felt very comfortable with and that I felt looked good on me. Some may feel that my vanity issues during my search were a little extreme ( I know your laughing still Bon,) but I believe that because I was so extreme at that time, I was even surer of myself at the time of play. Besides, I’m a woman, there’s nothing manly about me normally, so adding a strap-on can’t possibly turn me into a man in my b/f’ s mind. Thank you !!

Article by MissBonnie ©

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Choosing Your First Anal Sex Toy for Femdom scenes

Do you think of buying your first anal sex toy?

anal play

Do not hurry and do not purchase the first anal sex toy you see. First of all you should take into account some things and answer some questions. This will help you to choose an anal sex toy which will suit you best and will make your anal play especially enjoyable.

Such things as personal preferences (some people love smooth penetration, whereas others want to be penetrated with something ribbed), the size, material and your budget are very important. Take all these things into account and we will help you to decide what anal sex toy will suit you best.

What kind of anal stimulation you like?

First of all try to answer this question as one of the most important things which influence your choice is your personal preferences.

Do you want to experience sensation of fullness in the anus?

In this case you should purchase a smooth Butt plug. Butt plugs are similar to dildos, but they do differ from these sex toys. First of all, being designed for anal penetration they are thinner than usual dildos. Secondly, their flared base does not allow the toy to be lost in the rectum. The variety of butt plugs is great, so choose your first butt plug carefully. The only thing we can suggest first timers is to choose a thin butt plug. You can buy a thicker one when you become experienced anal sex lover.

The way you will use your butt plug depends on your preferences. You can wear it during partner sex, masturbation or simply while walking. Anyway, you will get great sexual pleasure.

Do you want to experience more intensive anal stimulation?

Then perhaps you should choose a textured butt plug or an anal stimulator, for instance a shaped plug, which perfectly stimulates prostate. Do you know that vibration inside the anus can be as enjoyable as stimulation of testicles with a vibrator. Anal vibrators are used not only for stimulation. Vibrations relax anal muscles thus allowing you to go further, for instance to begin anal intercourse. So if you feel like stimulating your anus with enjoyable vibrations than choose among great variety of vibrators.

Choose carefully, as anal vibrators do differ. They can vibrate, rotate, pulsate and do many other things. Choose one which will suit you best!

If you want your anal sex toy to enhance your erotic sensations, than you should choose anal beads which look like two or more balls or beads connected with a thread. People use this anal sex toy to insert in the anus and then to pull it out at the moment of orgasm thus making enjoyment much stronger.

Consider the size

Take into account the fact that all anal sex toys are available in a variety of sizes. Perhaps your first anal sex toy should be the slimmest one. Then you can buy a thicker butt plug . Step by step you will realize what size suits you best, but we do recommend you than your first anal sex toy should be as slim as possible. The same concerns anal beads – for the first time choose the smallest ones, after some time you will decide whether you would like something bigger.

Consider material

As you understand anal sex toys are made of various materials. Some of them are flexible, others are more rigid. Some materials are porous, whereas others are nonporous and thus they are easier to clean and to care for. So before buying an anal sex toy find out what material it is made as well as all properties of this material and only after that make the final choice. To learn more about sex toys materials see our toy materials page

Consider your budget

Keep in mind that the material an anal sex toy is made of greatly influences the toy’s price. Most expensive anal sex toys are made of silicone, whereas less expensive ones might be made of jelly or vinyl. As well take into account that vibrating anal sex toys are more expensive than ones which do not vibrate. Take into account all things mentioned above and shop for your first anal sex toy.

Good luck!

article MissBonnie Img: Miss Bitch.©

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How to Use Anal Beads

Beads for your butt? It may sound kind of crazy, but these special beads are designed to take advantage of the pleasant sensations that can occur as your sphincter muscles open and close around a series of small round objects. When withdrawn at the peak of orgasm, you may experience an erotic thrill unlike any other. If you’re already discovered the joys of anal play with your Femdom activities you owe it to yourself to give this toy a try, either with self play or with your chosen Femdom partner.

What Are Anal Beads?

Anal beads are basically a series of small round beads spaced evenly along a cord (or sometimes attached to a stalk). Some beads are evenly sized, while others sport spheres that gradually increase as you work your way along the string. ·

  • Made of simple, jelly rubber, String beads (pic1) are great for first-time anal adventurers, as they’re relatively inexpensive and have a nice texture. (Note that since this material can’t be 100% disinfected by boiling like silicone can, we don’t recommend sharing this toy).
  • Sturdy silicone beads like Flexi beads (pic2)or classic silicone Anal beads
  • (pic3) can be cleaned easier are hygienic, extremely comfortable, and easy to clean. On top of that they warm to the body quickly and can take on the vibration of a toy that’s held to its base.
  • Beaded dildos like the Ripple (pic4) operate on the same principle as the beads, but are set along a firmer stalk or dildo.

How Do They Work?

Beads are like any other kind of butt plug with an added bonus: as each bead is inserted, the sphincter muscles contract and relax around each one for extra sensation. Some folks love the feeling of having them pulled out all at once during the moment of orgasm

How Do I Use Them?

Remember the anal mantra when it comes to butt play: “communication, lubrication, and relaxation.” that’s MissBonnies Mantra! If you’re new to anal play, you might want to learn more in our beginner’s guide to butt sex.

  • 1.Communication counts! Whether you’re using anal beads alone or with a Femdom partner you want to stay focused on what your body or your Femdom partner is telling you. Playing together? Check in with your submissive with simple questions: Do you need more lube? Would it feel better to add more stimulation on other body parts? Are you ready for another bead? Is it time to pull them out?
  • 2.Get a lube job. Since the butt doesn’t self-lubricate, it’s important to apply lots of lubricant (try a nice thick water-based lube), to your beads, and be prepared to add more as action progresses.
  • 3.Make sure you’re turned on. Read your favorite eroticia or watch some Femdom DVD’s. Listen to your partner talk dirty, but get yourself in the mood. Some people like to have an orgasm before heading for the back door to ensure their whole body is relaxed and blood is really pumping through the genitals, which can make the anus more sensitive.
  • 4.Gently caress the anus. Tap lightly or massage the anal area in preparation.
  • 5.Go slow. Take your time and insert the first bead. Stop for a moment and let your body adjust to the sensation. Insert the beads slooowly, allowing yourself to really savor the sensation. Stop to add extra lube when you need to. There’s no hurry to insert the entire set of beads to the hilt. The toy can feel just as nice when used partway, or just the first couple of beads.
  • 6.Take a breather. Even if you’re reeling from the pleasure of the beads, don’t hold your breath. It’s a common practice for folks to take shallow breaths-or forget to breathe completely-during sex, but deep breathing is essential to enjoying sex, especially of the anal persuasion. Breathing deeply draws much-needed oxygen through your body, which helps to relax your muscles even further.
  • 7.Add to your pleasure. Try adding other kinds of stimulation at the same time. vibrators make it easy to send a good buzz to nipples, penis, testicles or perineum while you’re working on the butt.
  • 8.Go for timing. With the beads inside you and your orgasm building, try to time their withdrawal with your climax.
  • 9.Gently now. Pull the beads straight out, rather than tilting them up or down. Resist the urge to yank them out as if you were starting a lawnmower, but respect your body and gently pull them out.
  • With a little bit of practice, anal beads can become your new favorite toy box addition!

Article by MissBonnie ©

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