What the hell is a harness? What type is the best for Femdom and pegging? So your partner has said he wants you to use a harness on him? Why does he want this? But I don’t know what to do ? Or where to start ?How do I use it?
How about we start at the beginning…take a breath We’ll help you, your not alone. Lets tackle your questions one by one. A strap-on dildo (also strap-on, dildo harness) is a dildo designed to be worn (usually in a harness) by one partner and used to penetrate another partner vaginally, anally or orally, used by both heterosexual and homosexual couples. For a woman, a strap-on can be used to anally penetrate a man (pegging), for vaginal or anal lesbian intercourse, or for artificial fellatio.
For a man, a strap-on can be worn for penetrative sex, and may be used in cases of erectile dysfunction, for double penetration, or to penetrate multiple partners. A wide variety of harnesses and dildos are available, with different ways of fitting the wearer, attaching the dildos, stimulating the wearer or the receiver, and all with different features, advantages, and drawbacks for both users.
The topic of anal pleasure is rarely openly spoken about. More than likely this is because any talk of anal pleasure tends to bring out feelings of embarrassment in most people (particularly men). Despite the hush hush on the subject, however, there is a growing interest to learn about the topic of anal pleasure. In this article I will go over various ways you can pleasure your lover anally. Both men and women can enjoy anal pleasure. You are probably aware of this but what you may not be aware of is that men and women enjoy anal pleasure for different reasons (physically speaking). Women enjoy anal pleasure because their is a wall of skin that is shared by their pussy and their rectum. Women’s sexual nerves are actually closer to this side of the wall than they are to the other side. Men enjoy anal pleasure because through their anus their prostate is stimulated.
Ok you have your willing partner, so our first step, is going to be, what harness your going to need ?
Harness come in may types, and shapes. grab a drink settle in and learn what is what. We have compiled a general list of harness with the idea you can find what most suits your needs.
The first part of a strap-on setup is the harness, which connects the dildo to the wearer’s body, usually in a position similar to that of a male’s genitals. A good harness should be sturdy yet comfortable, and is often designed to provide stimulation for the wearer. Many different types of harnesses are available, with different features and drawbacks, and which harness is best is often a matter of taste, as there is no one “right” answer. Some dildos do not need a harness or are built onto one; for these, please see the sections on dildo types and dildo attachment methods
2-strap harness
In its most basic form, is similar to a g-string. One strap goes around the wearer’s waist, like a belt, while the other goes between his/her legs and connects to the other strap in the middle at the lower back. While these are simple, many people find them uncomfortable because to the strap rubs against the anus and other areas, and they sometimes do not hold the dildo very firmly, causing it to sag, flop, or twist.
3-strap harnesses
also have one strap around the wearer’s waist, but instead of one strap between the legs, have two straps, one around each thigh, rejoining the first strap near the front. This design leaves the genitals and anus uncovered, and attaches the dildo much more firmly, giving the wearer more control. However, not all people find this design comfortable, and sometimes they are hard to make fit properly or tend to slip. 2 straps or 3? 3 straps or 4?- A variation on these designs, usually on harnesses which mount the dildo substantially lower (on or near the vaginal opening) rather than higher up, has a continual waistband that is not part of the dildo mount or backing, with a V-shaped pair of straps in the front, and either the single strap between the legs or the two straps around the thighs. The former of these is called a 3-strap, and the latter a 4-strap, however most of the aspects of their design and use (such as a strap over the anus, etc) are the same as 2-strap and 3-strap harnesses, respectively.
Other Harness types
Corsets and other clothing items- Strap-on harnesses built into various clothing items are available, most often as a corset or other item of lingerie. Some are designed to be worn underneath normal clothing for quick use (if done with the dildo in place, either to give the appearance of a penis or to be able to quickly initiate intercourse, this is sometimes called packing), while others take advantage of the additional strength and sturdiness an item of clothing can provide over a few straps, or just to integrate the strap-on into an erotic outfit. Thigh, Chin, and other locations- Harnesses are not limited to the crotch, and indeed many types are available for other body parts. A popular one is a thigh harness, which attaches a dildo to the wearer’s thigh (or other part of the legs or arms, though this is much less common), allowing for many unique positions, as penetration is no longer limited to what could be done with a penis. Another unusual design attaches a dildo to the chin of the wearer, allowing vaginal penetration while performing cunnilingus.
Furniture, beach balls, and other objects- Harnesses are available to attach dildos to just about any household object, allowing for many creative uses. A dildo could be attached to a chair, bed, or any other item of furniture, and penetrate someone during other activities, with or without a partner. Another item, while not technically a harness, but worth mentioning, is an inflatable ball, usually 9 to 18 inches (250 to 500 mm) diameter, made of sturdy rubber designed to support the weight of one or two people, with an attachment for a dildo on it. This allows many unique positions, such as double penetration for a woman by laying face down on the ball for vaginal penetration while her partner penetrates her anally doggy style, which is much more effective than a solid object due to the “bounce” of the ball. These inflatable balls are also quite popular for solo use.
materials
Harnesses are available in many different materials, and the choice of which to use depends greatly on individual preference.
Leather
Leather is generally considered the best material, and most professional harnesses use it. It is comfortable, adjusts to the wearer’s body, soft, and fits well, but still is strong and not prone to stretching during use. Leather may be slightly harder to clean and require a bit more work to take care of than other materials, however this is usually only a problem with very heavily used harnesses and while not as comfortable as leather, are often much more affordable and may be more durable than leather, as well as being easier to clean and not needing any maintenance.
Cloth
Cloth is used mostly for clothing harnesses such as corsets and other lingerie, although is occasionally used by extremely inexpensive harnesses, which are often uncomfortable or useless. Construction of lingerie harnesses is similar to most normal items of clothing, although they may use substantially thicker material to give the strength needed to support a dildo firmly. .Plastics- Some harnesses are made with soft plastic, such as flexible vinyl. These are often available in unique colors, such as completely transparent, which is not possible with other materials. The downside is they’re possibly less comfortable than other materials, and may be difficult to make fit well, however they tend to be very easy to clean and reasonably rugged.
Latex, rubber, and PVC
Latex harnesses usually cover the entire area, rather than just using straps. They tend to be medium-priced, and have a limited lifespan, especially if used with oil-based lubricants. Latex can require much care, such as special cleaners or shiners to keep it from turning dry and dusty. Latex harnesses may or may not have the dildo (s) molded as part of the harness, and in either case, they tend to be floppy due to the flexibility of the latex. Similar harnesses are also available made of rubber or PVC, and are similar to latex harnesses, although PVC tends to be much less flexible and elastic
Synthetics (Nylon, synthetic leather, foam)
Nylon webbing and soft foam-like synthetic leather are also common
OK still with us ?
So now you’ve chosen your harness type and material, next step is going to be what we use with it. So here we go again with the lists. The most noticeable feature of any strap-on setup is the dildo used. A wide variety of dildos are available, and while the choices may be limited by the type of harness in use, generally one can choose from several common types. This section discusses the shape and features of the penetrating end of the dildo, not of the entire dildo or how it’s attached.
The “standard”
dildo has a non-tapered or slightly tapered shaft, and often has an enlarged head, similar to a penis. The shaft may be slightly curved, but if it is strongly curved, it is often classified as a g-spot/prostate dildo as well. This type is by far the most popular, both for vaginal and anal use, although some beginners prefer a probe type dildo. Depending on the type of harness the dildo is meant for, it may have molded testicles as part of the base, which many people say gives more pleasure and helps keep the dildo from “bottoming out.” Standard dildos are the most common by a large margin, and are available in virtually any length and width, material, texture, etc.
Vac-u-lock-
Used primarily by Doc Johnson, Vac-u-lock dildos have a rippled hollow in their base, which fits onto a matching plug on the harness or other toy. The advantage of this design is the dildo is firmly attached and can not easily rotate, and does not tend to flop downwards or slip like ring harnesses, as well as there being a wide variety of other devices the dildos can be attached to, such as handles and inflatable balls. The disadvantage is the relatively low availability and high cost of compatible attachments. A number of brands have non-compatible clones of the vac-u-lock system, but dildos and accessories for them are virtually unavailable.
Strapless (Feeldoe)-
A recent design is a strapless strap-on, designed to hold itself in a woman’s vagina with an egg-shaped bulb, and does not require the use of a harness. This differs from a double dildo, in which both ends are symmetrical, as a double dildo can not hold itself in place in one partner while penetrating the other partner. The advantages of this design is that it can be used without any preparation, making using it much more spontaneous, that it provides deep internal thrusting to both partners, and that it can be more comfortable than having to wear a possibly bulky harness. However, it has the disadvantage that it may require strong muscles to use, and it may take practice to be comfortable with one. (I’ve personally found the feeldoe in a two or three strap harness to be the best option for myself) so now we will move onto the attactments in greater depth.
Double dildos-
A double dildo can be used with or without a harness, although most provide no means of using them with a harness. A double dildo, as its name implies, is a dildo in which both ends are designed for insertion, and often is 18 inches (500 mm) or more long. While special ones meant for use with a harness do exist, a normal double dildo is straight, is rarely at a comfortable angle for intercourse, and jabs into the cervix of a woman using one. However, double dildos can be used for a variety of creative positions for which a harness would be awkward, such as both partners in doggy style positions or sitting facing each other.
One-piece latex-
(see pic marked standard). Some harnesses and dildos are made of a single piece of molded latex, with the dildo permanently built into the front. These are often inexpensive, shoddy products, although higher quality ones are available. The advantages are simple use and an appearance some people find erotic, but this is often outweighed by the inability to use a different dildo, the often weak, floppy nature of the dildo, the inability to adjust to a given person for a comfortable fit, and their relatively short lifespan. Straps directly attached to the dildo- Some very cheap “strap-on dildos” have straps or attachments for straps directly molded into the material of the dildo. This design is very flimsy, and is only used on the cheapest of cheap products. They are essentially useless for the traditional purpose of a strap-on dildo (one partner penetrating another using a dildo in a position similar to a penis), but can be strapped around chairs and other objects for a variety of interesting activities.
Still awake yeah I know I’m boring you, but that’s all the hard stuff out of the way. So by now you know what you want in a harness and attactment, so what are you waiting for? The stores await…go on…go shopping.
Well just a little longer and you’ll be ready. Next up we’ll cover Positions while just about any sexual position that can be done with a penis can be done with a strap-on (as well as others), there’s a few in particular that should be mentioned.
Doggy style-
Doggy style is popular, as it’s simple, easy, and allows deep thrusting. The receptive partner kneels down with his (or her face) against the bed (or other surface), and is penetrated from behind. This position works well for both vaginal and anal penetration, and allows deep, smooth strokes, however it sometimes stimulates the prostate less than other positions during pegging.
Missionary-
The missionary position is also popular, and allows both partners to cuddle, see each other, kiss, or perform other activities during intercourse. When used for anal penetration, a pillow or other object (specially made foam cushions are available for this purpose, but their effectiveness over a pillow or two is debatable) placed under the buttocks of the receiver will elevate the anus to a comfortable position and angle.
The uses for a strap-on are limited only by the imagination of the user, and virtually all positions “normal” sex can be had in can also be done with a strap on, plus with thigh, furniture, ride-on ball, and other harnesses, many more that can’t be done normally. Two people can simultaneously penetrate each other, for example, and virtually any other idea that that can be thought of (and obeys the laws of physics) can be done with a strap-on or two.
Don’t forget
When pleasuring your partner anally, you must remember to be very, very gentle. No matter how many times you and your partner may have tried it, you must still be gentle. If it will be the first time you and your partner will try it, then expect it to be very painful when you start. You must take your time, be slow, and gentle. It may be required that your partner may need time for you to just be still so they can adjust to the feeling of your strapon cock inside of their anus. You can’t go in and just start pounding away, especially if you are doing it with someone that has never experienced anal sex (it is not in a porn movie). Also you don’t want to tear anything…
Another reason you must be gentle, and very careful about what you are doing is because it is very easy to tear the skin inside of the anus. And trust me, it doesn’t feel too good to get ripped up in there!
How do I ‘talk’ about harness play.
If you are thinking about bringing up the topic of anal sex with your partner then please remember to be very sensitive, not only about how you bring the topic up, but be sensitive to your partner’s feelings as well. Your partner may have been thinking about bringing the topic up too, but they also may be one of those people who were dreading the question ever being asked. So be sensitive to their feelings. You also must be prepared to be patient. It may take them some time to warm up to the idea, and it certainly will take them time to get use to doing the actual act. You have to work your way up to going faster and deeper, you can’t start off that way. Listen to your partner, let them be your guide. Anal sex should be a pleasurable as possible for both of you.
There are a few positions that make anal entry easier which we will now go over. In the first position, your partner should be on their knees and elbows, bent over. If your partner has something under their chest like a pillow or a blanket they may be more comfortable. Your partner should try to relax as much as possible. If it will help them, try to get them to think about something other than what you are about to do. Once the anus is relaxed, it’s not only much easier for you to penetrate it, but it also hurts less for your partner. In the second positions your partner should lay on their back with their knees up. Once again, a pillow or a blanket may make them feel a little more comfortable. Place the pillow or blanket under their butt this time. The extra height will help you to enter the anus more easily. And in the third position, your partner would lay on their side. Their legs can be either spread apart as if they were taking a step forward, or they could bring their upper leg up to their chest. There are other ways they may positions their legs if they wish. They should do what ever feels comfortable for them.
…The next topic I would like to discuss is anal cleanliness
Of course it goes without saying that your partner’s anus should be cleaned both before and after anal sex, or anal play for that matter. If you happen to be the one to clean your female partner’s anus after you’ve had anal sex then always, always remember to wipe her front to back. This is extremely important because you could give her a yeast infection if you don’t, which would be very unpleasant for her.
Your partner should try to have a bowel movement before you engage in anal sex/anal play. This will reduce the chances that it will turn up during your anal pleasure session. However, it is possible that it still may show up, so be prepared for that. If you’re going to stick it there then you have to expect to deal with that sort of thing at one time or another. Just deal with it as best you can. Chances are your partner would be more embarrassed and or mortified than you would be, so be sensitive to that as well.
Lubrication is the next important issue to discuss.
When practicing anal sex you and your partner should discuss what kind, of lube you plan to use. There are oil based lubricant out there, such as Vaseline, petrolatum, and other oil based lubricants not only make penetration easier, but can also act as an insulator of sorts against any potential “material” that might surface, that you may consider using. However, also consider that latex dildo are damaged by oil based lubricants. Oil based lubricants have also been linked infections, so while acting as an guard to lessen ‘scat’ they may be potentially harmful. There are water based lubricants to consider . When pegging, even more than for other forms of anal sex, proper selection and quantity of lube is extremely important. Many dildos do not “hold” lube as well as a penis would, and a thicker or better adhering lube will likely perform much better with water based lubes being the most popular and readily avail bile. Discuss which type of lubricant you think would be best with your partner. You may even try a few different kinds of lubricant out to see which one you both prefer.
When preparing to have anal sex with your partner you may consider playing around with them a little bit instead of getting right to the actual act. Take some time to build up the mood and get you both excited. Spend some time going down on, or paying attention to their genitals as well don’t completely ignore those!!). You also might want to prepare your partner’s anus for entry by licking it and/or fingering it. Once again, let your partner be your guide. They will tell you what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, how fast or slow to go.
If you’re going to lick their anus, my suggestion would be to start off slow and gentle. Don’t penetrate it right away. Spend some time gliding your tongue around and across the hole. This will loosen up and prepare the anus to open up. Then, gradually, you can start to penetrate the hole with your tongue. Pay attention to your partner’s actions and reactions to see what they like or don’t like on top of getting them to guide you. Or if they don’t guide you at all, this would be a good way to tell what you should and shouldn’t keep doing.
If you plan on fingering your partner then be sure to trim down your nails. Fingernails can and will cut the inside of your partner’s anus, and that can be very painful. , so be careful. Be very careful about how you penetrate the anus with your ‘cock’ too. I say this because if you do it wrong it can be a lot more painful than it would be if it were done correctly. Don’t shove the whole thing in all at once. Slide in a little bit at a time. This is also very important. It should take you a good bit of time to get the whole length of your ‘penis’ inside. The actual amount of time will depend on your partner (remember let your partner be your guide?). Some strap-on dildos come with batteries and vibrate as an added feature to increase the user’s pleasure. Set the vibrating element on “low” to start, and increase the intensity according to your preference.
Once you are completely inside you won’t be moving in and out completely right away either. It’s going to take a lot of patience. But once you have gotten to where your partner says it’s alright for you to move in and out as you please, you should both experience a great deal of pleasure. Pleasure that will be well worth all the time and effort you put in to getting to that point.
The thrusting part will be difficult, specifically, keeping a rhythm going, and that’s for both of us. I think the key is to take your time at first and try different positions. if you have time, try even more positions.. a woman and doesn’t naturally fuck in this way, so watch lots of porn and take notes of what positions the Ladies are in when using a strap-on, They say practice makes perfect.
I know I’ve spoken a lot about pain and the like during this article, but that’s only because the things I’ve discussed should be taken very seriously. If you and your partner take caution and do things properly then this experience should be very enjoyable for both of you. Just remember to communicate, be gentle, take things slow, and be sensitive and everything should work out well.
Wash your strap-on dildo before and after each use.
EDIT
I just received a Email from an emerging Domme I’ve been ‘mentoring’ she has tried her harness for the first time, she has allowed me to post an extract of email here since we both felt it was relevant to the topic at hand ‘The issue of feeling too masculine’
That was a big fear that I had and I know a fear that many other women have as well. Some of us want to remain very girly during the whole ‘donning a penis’ experience. I can say that the concern didn’t even cross my mind. I didn’t feel self-conscious for a moment, but I really think it’s because I spent a lot of time picking out a harness and a dildo that I felt very comfortable with and that I felt looked good on me. Some may feel that my vanity issues during my search were a little extreme ( I know your laughing still Bon,) but I believe that because I was so extreme at that time, I was even surer of myself at the time of play. Besides, I’m a woman, there’s nothing manly about me normally, so adding a strap-on can’t possibly turn me into a man in my b/f’ s mind. Thank you !!
Article by MissBonnie © Collarncuffs.com
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