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Understanding SSC, RACK, PRICK, and CCCC: Safety and Consent in the BDSM World

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In the world of BDSM, safety and consent are paramount. These principles form the bedrock of a community that embraces diverse expressions of intimacy and power dynamics. Understanding these core concepts is crucial for anyone participating in or curious about BDSM activities. Without a firm grasp of safety and consent, the potential for harm increases, undermining the mutual trust that is essential in these interactions.

Historically, the BDSM community has evolved to prioritize safety and consent through the adoption of specific frameworks and guidelines. These are encapsulated in acronyms such as SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink), and CCCC (Caring, Communication, Consent, Caution). Each of these models emphasizes different aspects of safe and consensual play, reflecting the community’s commitment to ensuring that all participants are fully informed and willing.

These frameworks serve not only as guidelines but also as educational tools, helping both newcomers and experienced practitioners navigate the complexities of BDSM. They stress the importance of negotiation, clear boundaries, and ongoing communication, ensuring that all activities are consensual and that everyone involved is aware of the risks and responsibilities. By adhering to these principles, the BDSM community fosters an environment where trust and mutual respect are paramount.

The adoption of SSC, RACK, PRICK, and CCCC is a testament to the community’s dedication to creating a safe and consensual space for exploration. These acronyms are more than just catchphrases; they represent a collective understanding that safety and consent are non-negotiable. As we delve deeper into each of these frameworks, it becomes clear how they collectively contribute to the overall well-being and positive experiences of those engaged in BDSM practices.

The Origins of SSC, RACK, PRICK, and CCCC

The BDSM community has long prioritized safety and consent within its practices, and the development of acronyms such as SSC, RACK, PRICK, and CCCC reflects this commitment. The concept of SSC, which stands for Safe, Sane, Consensual, emerged during the late 1980s as a foundational principle for BDSM activities. It was first popularized by the National Leather Association (NLA) as a way to distinguish consensual BDSM from abuse. The term emphasizes the importance of engaging in practices that are deemed safe, ensuring that participants are in a sane state of mind, and securing explicit consent from all parties involved.

As the BDSM community evolved, so did its understanding of safety and consent, leading to the introduction of RACK, or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. This term arose in the early 2000s as a response to perceived limitations within the SSC framework. Proponents of RACK argue that it acknowledges the inherent risks present in BDSM activities, emphasizing the necessity for participants to be fully aware of these risks and to consent to them. RACK highlights the importance of informed decision-making and personal responsibility.

Building on the principles of RACK, PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink) emerged as another nuanced approach to BDSM safety and consent. PRICK emphasizes individual accountability, urging participants to take personal responsibility for their actions and decisions. This acronym underscores the importance of being well-informed about the potential consequences of BDSM activities and making educated choices accordingly.

Finally, CCCC, which stands for Care, Communication, Consent, Caution, is a more recent addition (I first noticed it in 2020) to the lexicon of BDSM safety. This term highlights the importance of compassionate care for one’s partner, open and honest communication, clear and enthusiastic consent, and a cautious approach to potentially risky activities. CCCC serves as a reminder that the well-being of all participants should always be at the forefront of BDSM practices.

Throughout the years, these acronyms have significantly shaped the practices and philosophies within the BDSM community, fostering a culture of safety, consent, and mutual respect. As the community continues to grow and evolve, these principles remain central to ensuring the well-being of its members.

Engaging in BDSM activities requires a profound understanding of and respect for safety and consent. Unlike mainstream perceptions, BDSM is not about inflicting harm or exerting control without consideration; it is a consensual form of expression that relies heavily on trust and mutual agreement. Safety and consent are the cornerstones of all BDSM interactions, ensuring that all parties involved are protected from physical and psychological harm.

The potential risks in BDSM can vary widely, ranging from minor physical injuries to significant psychological impacts. Without clear communication and established boundaries, participants might unintentionally exceed their limits, resulting in harm. Therefore, it is crucial for all individuals involved to engage in thorough discussions beforehand. These discussions should cover each person’s limits, safe words, and any medical conditions that might influence the activities.

A common misconception is that BDSM is inherently abusive or violent. This misunderstanding often stems from a lack of awareness about the principles that guide BDSM practices. In reality, BDSM participants prioritize consensuality and the well-being of their partners. Terms like SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) highlight the importance of informed consent and safety precautions. These frameworks help participants negotiate and engage in activities that are both enjoyable and safe.

Moreover, consent in BDSM is not a one-time agreement; it is an ongoing, dynamic process. At any point, a participant can withdraw consent, and the activities must stop immediately. This continuous consent ensures that everyone feels comfortable and respected throughout the experience.

In conclusion, the importance of safety and consent in BDSM cannot be overstated. It is these principles that differentiate consensual BDSM from abuse, creating a space where individuals can explore their kinks and fetishes in a controlled, respectful, and enjoyable manner. Understanding and adhering to these principles is essential for fostering a healthy and positive BDSM practice.

Breaking Down SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual)

The concept of SSC, which stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual, forms a foundational pillar in the practices of the BDSM community. Each term within this principle carries significant weight, ensuring that all activities are conducted within ethical and respectful boundaries. By understanding and applying SSC, participants can engage in BDSM practices that prioritize the well-being and mutual satisfaction of all involved parties.

Firstly, ‘Safe’ emphasizes the importance of physical and emotional safety during BDSM activities. This involves the use of safe words, agreed-upon boundaries, and the proper use of equipment to prevent harm. For instance, participants might use the safe word “red” to immediately halt any activity if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Additionally, ensuring that all tools and restraints are used correctly and are in good condition contributes significantly to maintaining safety.

The term ‘Sane’ refers to the mental and psychological state of the participants. It underscores the need for all parties to be in a clear and rational state of mind when engaging in BDSM practices. This means avoiding activities under the influence of substances that could impair judgment and ensuring that all participants fully understand the implications of their actions. For example, a couple might discuss and agree on their limits and expectations well in advance, ensuring that all decisions are made with a sound mind.

Lastly, ‘Consensual’ is perhaps the most critical element, highlighting the necessity of mutual agreement and willingness to participate. Consent must be informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing, allowing any participant to withdraw at any point. This aspect is crucial as it respects personal autonomy and ensures that all activities are conducted with clear, affirmative permission. An example of consensual practice could be negotiating a scene beforehand, where both parties outline what they are comfortable with and explicitly agree to the terms.

While SSC is a robust framework for ensuring safety and respect, it is not without its limitations. Critics argue that the terms ‘safe’ and ‘sane’ can be subjective and may vary widely among individuals. Nevertheless, SSC remains a widely accepted and practiced guideline, fostering a culture of care and responsibility within the BDSM community.

Breaking Down RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

Risk-Aware Consensual Kink, commonly abbreviated as RACK, is a foundational concept within the BDSM community that underscores the importance of awareness and informed consent in engaging with potentially risky activities. Unlike its counterpart, SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), which emphasizes safety and sanity, RACK acknowledges that some BDSM practices inherently carry risks that cannot be entirely eliminated. Instead, the focus is on making participants fully aware of these risks and ensuring they consent to them knowingly.

The core principle of RACK lies in the understanding and acceptance of risk. Practitioners of BDSM who adopt the RACK framework engage in thorough discussions about the potential dangers associated with specific activities. This process involves both parties conducting research, sharing knowledge, and communicating openly about their limits and boundaries. By doing so, they ensure that all participants are fully informed and can consent to the activities with a clear understanding of what is involved.

For example, consider a scenario where a couple decides to explore rope bondage. Under the RACK framework, they would first educate themselves about the potential risks, such as nerve damage or circulation issues. They would discuss safety measures, such as having safety shears on hand and establishing a safe word. This preparation and awareness help mitigate the risks, but the couple still acknowledges that some level of danger exists. By consenting to proceed with this knowledge, they embody the principles of RACK.

One of the significant advantages of adopting a RACK framework is the emphasis on personal responsibility and mutual respect. Participants are encouraged to take ownership of their choices and engage in continuous communication about their experiences and boundaries. This proactive approach fosters a culture of trust and respect within the BDSM community.

However, the RACK framework also presents challenges. The necessity for in-depth discussions and ongoing education can be time-consuming and requires a high level of commitment from all parties involved. Additionally, navigating the complexities of risk and consent can be daunting, particularly for newcomers to the BDSM scene. Despite these challenges, RACK remains a vital concept that promotes informed and consensual engagement in BDSM activities.

Breaking Down PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink)

The PRICK framework stands as a cornerstone in the BDSM community, emphasizing the dual pillars of personal responsibility and informed consent. These principles are not just theoretical; they are practical guidelines that ensure safety and mutual respect during BDSM activities.

Personal responsibility in PRICK asserts that each participant is accountable for their own well-being. This includes understanding their limits, communicating them clearly, and ensuring they are respected by all parties involved. For example, if an individual knows they have a physical condition that might be exacerbated by certain activities, it is their duty to disclose this information and to avoid scenarios that could pose a risk. This proactive approach helps prevent harm and fosters a safer environment for all participants.

Informed consent is the second integral component of PRICK. It goes beyond a simple “yes” or “no” answer, requiring all parties to have a comprehensive understanding of the activities they are consenting to. This means discussing the nature of the activities, potential risks, and any boundaries beforehand. For example, before engaging in a scene involving bondage, participants should discuss the duration of the bondage, safe words, and what to do if something goes wrong. This thorough communication ensures that everyone is on the same page and can consent with full awareness of what they are agreeing to.

PRICK empowers individuals by giving them the tools to take control of their experiences. It encourages ongoing dialogue, continuous education, and mutual respect. By adhering to the PRICK framework, participants can explore their interests within the BDSM community confidently and safely. This approach not only safeguards physical well-being but also nurtures trust and emotional security among participants, making it a fundamental practice within the BDSM world.

The CCCC framework—standing for Care, Communication, Consent, and Caution—offers a comprehensive approach to ensuring safety and mutual satisfaction in the BDSM world. Each component plays a critical role in fostering a healthy, respectful, and consensual dynamic between participants.

Care

Care is the foundational element of CCCC, emphasizing the importance of emotional and physical well-being. It involves understanding and addressing the needs and limits of all parties involved. Practitioners should prioritize aftercare, which helps participants recover and reflect on the experience. This can include anything from providing water and a blanket to engaging in a comforting conversation.

Communication

Communication is essential in any relationship, but it becomes even more critical in BDSM interactions. Clear, honest, and continuous dialogue allows participants to express their boundaries, desires, and concerns. Pre-scene negotiations and the use of safe words are practical tools that can help maintain open lines of communication. Effective communication also involves active listening and responding empathetically to ensure everyone feels heard and respected.

Consent is a cornerstone of ethical BDSM practices. It must be informed, enthusiastic, and revocable at any time. Participants should discuss and agree upon the activities beforehand, ensuring that all parties fully understand what they are consenting to. Periodic check-ins during the scene can help reaffirm consent and adjust activities as needed.

Caution

Caution involves recognizing and mitigating potential risks. This includes understanding the physical and psychological impacts of BDSM activities and taking steps to minimize harm. Practitioners should educate themselves on safe practices and be prepared to stop or modify activities if signs of distress or danger arise. Using protective gear, establishing clear signals for emergencies, and having a first aid kit on hand are practical measures that can enhance safety.

By integrating care, communication, consent, and caution into BDSM interactions, participants can create a safer, more fulfilling experience. The CCCC framework not only prioritizes the well-being of all parties but also fosters a deeper sense of trust and connection.

Which BDSM Framework is Right for You?

Choosing the appropriate BDSM framework is a deeply personal decision that depends on individual preferences, experiences, and comfort levels. Understanding the distinctions between SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual), RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink), and CCCC (Caring, Communication, Consent, Caution) can provide valuable guidance in determining the right fit for your BDSM practices.

SSC, emphasizing the importance of safety, sanity, and consent, serves as the foundation for many beginners in the BDSM community. It promotes a cautious approach, ensuring that all activities are physically and mentally safe. While some criticize SSC for being overly restrictive, its emphasis on consent and mental well-being makes it a reliable framework for newcomers.

RACK, on the other hand, acknowledges that all BDSM activities inherently involve some level of risk. This framework focuses on the participants’ awareness and acceptance of these risks, allowing for more adventurous and extreme practices. RACK is particularly suitable for those who are experienced and comfortable with the inherent dangers of BDSM. However, it requires a high level of trust and communication between partners to ensure informed consent.

PRICK shifts the focus to personal responsibility and informed consent, emphasizing that each participant must take responsibility for their own safety and well-being. This framework encourages thorough research and understanding of the risks involved, making it ideal for those who value autonomy and self-awareness. Critics of PRICK argue that it may place too much burden on individuals, potentially leading to neglect of mutual responsibility.

CCCC introduces a holistic approach, prioritizing care, communication, consent, and caution. It integrates elements from other frameworks, ensuring a balanced and considerate practice. CCCC is particularly beneficial for those who value emotional connection and mutual respect in their BDSM activities. While some may find it too prescriptive, its comprehensive nature provides a well-rounded approach to safety and consent.

In making your decision, consider your personal values, experience level, and the dynamics of your relationships. Reflecting on personal anecdotes and seeking expert opinions can also offer invaluable insights. Ultimately, the right BDSM framework is one that aligns with your needs and enhances your overall experience, ensuring both safety and satisfaction.

Do BDSM Protocols Make BDSM Risk-Free?

While BDSM protocols such as SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink), and CCCC (Caring, Communication, Consent, Caution) provide structured frameworks to enhance safety and consent, they do not eliminate all risks involved in BDSM activities. These protocols serve as guidelines that promote responsible practices, but the inherent nature of BDSM means that some level of risk is always present.

Engaging in BDSM requires participants to have a thorough understanding of the activities they are involved in. This is where continuous learning and communication come into play. Participants must stay informed about the physical and psychological implications of their practices. This involves researching techniques, understanding the use of equipment, and being aware of potential hazards. For instance, bondage can lead to circulation issues if not done correctly, and impact play can cause bruising or other injuries if proper precautions are not taken.

Moreover, effective communication is crucial. Partners must discuss their limits, safewords, and any concerns they may have before engaging in any BDSM activity. This open dialogue helps ensure that all parties are on the same page and prepared to handle any situation that may arise. Regular check-ins during play can also help to monitor the well-being of each participant and address any issues promptly.

Adaptation is another critical factor. Each individual’s response to BDSM activities can vary, and what works for one person may not work for another. Participants must be willing to adjust their practices based on the feedback and experiences of their partners. This flexibility is vital in maintaining a safe and consensual environment.

Although adherence to protocols like SSC, RACK, PRICK, and CCCC significantly enhances the safety and consensual nature of BDSM activities, it is important to acknowledge that no protocol can guarantee complete risk elimination. By prioritizing continuous learning, open communication, and adaptability, participants can create a safer and more enjoyable experience, while understanding that some level of risk is always inherent in BDSM practices.

The Bottom Line of BDSM Acronyms

In summary, the BDSM community places paramount importance on safety and consent, foundational principles that are encapsulated in various acronyms like SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink), and CCCC (Caring, Communication, Consent, Caution). Each acronym serves to emphasize the necessity of mutual understanding, informed decision-making, and personal responsibility in BDSM practices.

SSC underscores the need for activities to be safe and consensual while ensuring that all parties are in a sound state of mind. RACK, on the other hand, acknowledges that some activities carry inherent risks and emphasizes the importance of participants being fully aware and consenting to these risks. PRICK builds on this by focusing on informed consent and personal responsibility, encouraging participants to educate themselves continuously about the dynamics and potential dangers of their activities. Lastly, CCCC highlights the essential elements of caring, communication, consent, and caution, advocating for a holistic approach to BDSM interactions.

These acronyms are not just theoretical concepts but practical guidelines that help safeguard the well-being of all individuals involved. They serve as a reminder that BDSM, while offering a space for exploring diverse sexual and relational dynamics, requires a high level of commitment to ethical practices. By adhering to these principles, participants can create a safe and consensual environment that respects the boundaries and autonomy of everyone involved.

As you delve deeper into the world of BDSM, it is crucial to remain vigilant about these acronyms and the values they represent. Continuous education and open communication are key to maintaining a safe and consensual practice. Remember, the essence of BDSM lies not just in the acts themselves but in the mutual respect and understanding that underpin these interactions.

Resource Article : MissBonnie 2024

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Protocols in Dominant/Submissive Relationships

Domme with crop ready to set protocols

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What is a Protocol?

Protocols in Dominant/Submissive Relationships:, Mistress/slave, Domme/Sub…Power based relationships stimulate the mind and the libido. But how do we maintain that erotic charge through the scene and between scenes?

Life comes with bills, the flu, dishes, and laundry, getting the car serviced, taking the trash out, going to work and so much more. Plus then add in kids if you have them and then you have less time. And everything keeps going no matter if you are in a D/s relationship. It means there is no 24/7 bondage, S&M and sex. It means living life the best we can do and trying to add in things to keep that focus of the power exchange. It is keeping it real within reality.

I think people think that when you are in a Femdom it is all about sex and S&M. But as you know we live in the real world and we make our lives fit within reality of the world or it will makes us fit in it.

The only thing that is needed for a Femdom is the power exchange. In a relationship she controls and he serves and obeys. And that is all that is needed. And those things can fit in anyone’s life with bills, projects or even if you have kids.

Some people believe that if the vanilla quicksand them that they have to start their D/s relationship all over OR that they are being vanilla.

Many of people look at their lifestyle and just see the toilet overflowing, the stack of dishes, the pile of book bags and the laundry heaping up. They think we are not doing S&M because of all that “vanilla stuff.” Instead of looking at it that way, look at the foundation…the power exchange and see that the D/s is still there or it can still be there without S&M. By no means are we saying to take out the S&M or we don’t “need” it. But make sure the foundation of the power exchange is there.

A big mistake I think that people make is separating D/s and non-D/s activities such as everyday vanilla life. They say, “Well our life is too vanilla” or “We were just so vanilla yesterday.”

What I want you to think about: Dominants do you still have the desire to control and have the power in your relationship? When in a vanilla setting would your submissive obey a comment? I am not necessarily talking about telling your submissive strip down at a PTA Meeting, but how about being in a mall shopping and commanding her to try something on for you. Or just even stopping and telling him to kiss in the grocery store….seems like vanilla things, but it isn’t if the power exchange in your foundation. So do you have the power and control in all situations – vanilla or not?

Submissives do you have the desire to serve and please even in vanilla situations? Do you defer to your Dominant in vanilla settings as well as private? Would you obey and serve in a vanilla setting?

Also do you have protocols or rituals that go beyond a private setting? If you have protocols and rituals then you have those always too – no matter if in a D/s setting or non-D/s setting.

Those things don’t go away just because we are in a vanilla setting. They are a part of our power exchange so in essence a part of whom we are always. So why separate non-D/s or vanilla activities and D/s activities because they are there all the time even if not overtly dominating or overtly submitting.

This quote really sums this up well…Although written for a female sub it is great advice:

“The goal should be to incorporate your dominance and her submission seamlessly into your lifestyle. It should be intertwined so that just about anything you and your sub/slave do together could be construed as D/s. In other words, don’t complicate your lives by categorizing aspects and activities into “D/s activities” and “non-D/s” activities.“ ~ RebelGent

A process of protocols and rituals have allowed us to enhance our D/s foundation. These protocols and rituals can be as innocuous as the way oz sits next to me as extensive his daily wardrobe.

The key is to find a set of protocols and rituals that can work – as everyone’s tastes, likes/dislikes are all subject to change from one individual to the next. There are varied degrees in which to conduct protocols and rituals from the basic to the incredibly high protocol where you almost have to ask permission to breathe.

As with everything in the lifestyle, some of these ideas may or may not work for you. The level of “micro-management” or just “management” can be controlled and be completely unique. Each Dominant has their personal tastes and preferences – so it only makes sense to personalize the combination of protocols and rituals being applied to your relationship.

I think what is helpful in making the D/s fit into the real world is establishing adaptable protocols and rituals instead of specific rules. It gives more flexibility and does not put such a strain on your relationship.

Consensual M/s and D/s relationships aren’t about forcing a bunch of rules. Because given enough time almost anyone will obey if forced. Consensual M/s and D/s relationships are about making the Dominants will your will. It is about wanting to serve and please that person that it aches inside when you don’t. It is about obeying because you want and need too.

Here are some protocol and ritual lists just to give you some ideas and wet your appetite and maybe spark off some self thought, some are more extreme than others.

There will be levels of protocol, as defined below. When we enter, we will be in the “normal” level until and unless specified otherwise. After a scene, we will be in the “casual” level until and unless specified otherwise. You may consult this paper as necessary.

Casual Protocols

  • You will wear your collar.
  • You will offer me drinks and food when we arrive.
  • You may get drinks and food for yourself without asking permission.
  • You may mingle freely, but will notify me if you intend to leave the room.
  • All of our regular rules/protocols (“Yes, Mistress”, handing protocols, cursing, etc.) apply.
  • You will remain alert to possible signals from me (such as hand signals from across the room, or me saying “insert name!”) – I should not need to “hunt you down” in order to change protocol levels or give you an instruction. (If you’ve given me notification that you will be in another room, that’s a valid exception.)
  • There are no restrictions on speech, eye contact, socializing, furniture use, etc.

The basic idea of this level is that we are a happy couple casually attending a social function together in a kink-friendly atmosphere.

Normal Protocols

  • You may not use furniture (except ottomans and tables) or walls.
  • You will remain close enough for me to reach out and touch you at any time.
  • When standing, you should keep your arms behind your back in your normal posture stance.
  • Otherwise, you retain freedom of posture, movement, gaze, etc., but you should strive to remain symmetrical and graceful in your positions. You will keep enough attention on me to respond to my voice, gestures, etc., without my having to purposely get your attention. (This is very important. Lapses will be punished.)
  • You may not make sustained eye contact with me. Fleeting contact is acceptable.
  • You should strive to please me with actions like foot kissing, leg rubbing, or whatever you anticipate would bring me pleasure (while realizing that this is not a test and you may ask me what would please me if you are not sure).
  • You will not use the name of a deity as such, nor any even mild curse words like “damn” or “bitch.”
  • The basic idea of this level is that, while you will not be unduly restricted, your main attention and focus should be on pleasing me as my slave.

Formal Protocols

  • You may not use any furniture.
  • When instructed to assume a position, you will remain in that position until told otherwise.
  • You will keep your head pointed forward and down at all times.
  • You may not ask questions, but you may otherwise speak to me freely, consistent with striving to please and obey me.
  • You may not speak to anyone else unless either (a) I indicate that you should, or (b) it would be rude to remain silent (e.g., Christine asks you a question).
  • You will begin all lines spoken to me with the word “Mistress.”
  • I will begin all statements to you with “My * slave.” (You will respectfully notify me if I fail to do this.)
  • You will focus your attention solely on me unless instructed to interact with another person or object.
  • The basic idea of this level is that you are under my total control and are completely focused on pleasing and obeying me as my slave.

Scene Protocols

  • No protocols outside of our general rules apply.
  • You will do your best to obey me, subject to your responsibility to help us both remain safe and sane.
  • We will both accept that I will risk your failure to obey me by giving you instructions that may be too difficult to obey completely. This is part of the scene and not considered a failure of your submission to me. Failure is not “actually” punishable although consequences may be part of the scene.
  • This protocol level is considered to begin when I ask you to remove your clothing at the start of a scene, and to end when you have put your clothing back on; it does not need to be specified.

The below was originally written for a female Submissives, but the ideas are transferable and have been sourced from various places on the Internet (I have lost the original source of this document, if you own it could please contact admin)

Some protocols and rituals enhance our relationship:

  • Eating
  • When out to eat – Mistress/Master orders for me. We have found that since we do this all the time even around vanilla friends and family they just learn to know this is just part what we like or who we are…that my “significant other” knows me so well that he just orders for me. I usually don’t even open a menu.
  • I don’t eat until Master gives me permission and often that permission is just a nod of the head after we sit down to eat or if out at a restaurant after I am served. I will in the presence of others at times get my napkin situated or take a drink until he gives me permission with that nod.
  • That protocol started differently at first. When we first started eating protocols, I just needed to wait until Master began eating. Then I was able to eat. That also went very un-noticed by vanilla friends and family.
  • If we are at a restaurant, sometimes he will push his coffee mug over to me and signal me to get him more – prepared the way he likes it (of course).
  • When I serve Master his meal, I serve Him first before getting my plate together. I also always give my Master the best piece of meat, the bigger baked potato and so on.
  • My eating and food intact at times is controlled. At times, I need permission to eat anything. That works for us because Master has a job where it will not disturb him if I need to call to have a snack or lunch (on the rare days he is not coming home for lunch too). I have to always call and ask permission to have a diet coke as it was an addiction in the past and Master has slowly weaned me off of them

Dressing how to apply Protocols

  • I have a preference where xxx does not wear pants. In addition to wearing dresses or skirts, I like her to wear panties, tights and hose – which literally flies against what most Dominants prefer. It works for me – but may not necessarily work for anyone else.
  • I do not control what she wears everyday, but when I have a preference I tell her. Such as some days all I want her to wear is a pair of pantyhose or just a blue stain lingerie set that is very beautiful on her. Mostly she just dresses to please me. We talked about what I like on her and she dresses accordingly.
  • Each evening when I come home from work though, she is dressed slutty for me. Before she gets ready for bed, she asks permission to take off these articles of clothing.
  • My girl is not allowed to wear cotton undergarments. I like the way satin and silk feels and so that is the only materials she is allowed in undergarments. It is a standard for her.
  • My girl has an outfit that I enjoy her wearing and she abhors. I could make it a ritual that she wears it more and that she thank me for the privilege of wearing the outfit although she hates it. It would humble her. And show her it is a privilege that she is allowed other types of clothing and outfits. The mindset involved would make it a ritual instead of a protocol.

Permissions

  • There are permission protocols in our relationship. When we’re together, I ask permission to go to the bathroom or when I want a diet coke. When he is at work, I don’t call him if I can go to the bathroom, but I still call when I want a diet coke. I ask permission to sign online, to call someone, or to lie down.
  • Permissions do not need to be overt – but done in an invisible manner. Such as the one I mentioned earlier…if we’re eating at a restaurant or with family or vanilla friends, I still do not have permission to eat until he say it’s okay. Usually after my plate is served, we make eye contact which is followed by a gentle nod which allows me to begin eating.

Other permissions we have used or have in place are:

  • Permission to sit on furniture or restrict the use of furniture.
  • Permission to go out with friends. Having curfew when going out.
  • Permission to leave the room or house. Master controlling the keys and my drivers license is in his wallet.
  • Permission to go bath and Shower
  • The old favourite…permission to use the bathroom.
  • Permission to speak with others in a D/s setting. Controlling protocol while at a bdsm event…such as having me in “high protocol.” That is when I am quiet, unobtrusive, and usually do not speak until spoken too. Or having to seek permission for almost entirely everything. It’s difficult to maintain high protocol for an extended period of time and realistically – how many phone calls does a Dominant want at work to ask permission to go to another room, ask for a sip of water?

Establishing Protocols for Sleep

Again sleeping rituals or protocols that we have used or are currently using:

  • Kneeling before entering bed – doing some meditation before going to bed is a ritual.
  • Asking permission to enter the bed is a protocol
  • Having a bedtime is a protocol
  • Being chained to the bed or sleeping in cuffs could be made into either.

Privacy

  • Privacy is another area controlled in our dynamic. When property, nothing is yours anymore so to show that….taking away privacy is a way to get that message home loud and clear.
  • In our household, Master does not allow me to close doors – bathroom, bedroom and so on. Now if we had kids I am sure this would change. And it does get modified when we have visitors also. I have friends that don’t allow their kids in their bedroom. They can stand at the door and talk to them when the door is open, but are not allowed in the bedroom. And when the door is closed, they are not to knock at that door unless it is an emergency. It is explained at adult alone get away from the kid’s time. And their kids have gotten so used to that rule they just obey it without question or arguing now. Also when my friend goes the bathroom she goes the Master bathroom and can’t close the door – no kids can look in but no doors are closed on her Master. And it is similar here when we have company as no one can see into our Master/Mistress bathroom when Master’s bedroom door is open.
  • I have to ask to go the bathroom and that takes a way a sense of personal space privacy. I have to even tell my Master if I am urinating or having a bowel movement and it most certainly is embarrassing (still after all this time) but it does give me that knowing everything I do he knows about – Everything I am he knows
  • Some other privacy protocols we have used: Master/Mistress has all access to my emails, chat logs, all snail mail – letters, packages, bills, personal or non-personal mail. We both admit that a lot of people out there want to keep their privacy – which is understandable, but for our dynamic it works to help keep the focus of I am property and he is the Owner of said property.

Daily Schedule Protocols

This is something that ebbs and flows with us. At times, it is loosely control and other times it is very strict. Sometimes I am told what I will do each day. Other times I just need to inform Master what I have on my plate that needs to get done. And yet other times he does not worry about it my schedule at all. Again, Master changes things to meet his needs if it is not working.

  • My Master had me work out a schedule for the week on what I want to do each day of the week regards to housecleaning and He approved it. He now knows on Tuesday I clean the kitchen and what I do to clean the kitchen. But if I have extra projects, I have to let him know…like with the holidays I had baking, decorating and gift-wrapping. So, I had to tell him about those things so he could put them into my schedule. Or maybe he wanted me to do something and thinks that is priority and has me drop something. He controls the schedule ultimately.
  • Master tries to work into my schedule time for me to meditate or journal. A journal can be helpful in talking about even just daily events – places that were hard in the schedule, concerns and what not. It has worked good when face to face time with Master is a premium, as he can look the journal over to see where I am at and how things are progressing.
  • As schedules become more complex – it’s almost easier to plan ahead when there’s an available 30 minutes in a weekday. I have friends that take that time during the middle of the day or time when they can send them to their grandparents to have some alone time. And sometimes scheduling alone playtime is needed.
  • Scheduling is another way of holding together structure. Making the schedule rigid can suffocate the relationship – making the schedule too lax and that raises the question: “why have a schedule to begin with?”

Other Rituals

  • Inspection time – where I critique xxxxx appearance (i.e. whether they are to wear their hair a certain way, underwear check, paint on her toe nails, correctly shaved.) – having her prepare for this time is very much an intimate mindset.
  • Our ritual shower – xxxx sits in the bottom of the shower as I clean myself first. I at times urinate on her. The mindset of getting in the shower, having the water I am cleaning myself with flood over her is a very almost Zen like experience for her and re-enforcers her station with me.
  • Urination or masturbation while in the shower can be formed into a ritual.

source: various internet combined pages who’s orginal source has since been lost or taken down.

Protocols and rituals are not needed to have a D/s or M/s relationship. They just are there to enhance the relationship. Some key things to remember when forming protocols is to be flexible, think about why you are doing the protocol, and make it personal. Maybe you start something and it just does not work with your schedule bend it make it work or adopt other protocols to make them fit into your life. We have protocols that are in place that get put to the way side when things are busy or when one of us is ill. Does that mean we are not a D/s couple any more? No way. Our foundation is still there. The dynamic we have is still there even without the protocols and rituals. So, instead of thinking “Oh now we are not doing D/s” she still is in control and he is still serving and pleasing. And lastly don’t let the protocols prop up your relationship – meaning if you take away the protocols and rituals is your D/s or M/s dynamic still there? If yes then that is great! If not then you need to take a second look at your relationship. Build the foundation before adding furniture to your house.

Article MissBonnie © CollarNcuffs 2007

further Reading Resources


Exploring Femdom High Protocol Play: Ideas for an Intensely Structured Experience

Introduction to Femdom High Protocol Play

Femdom high protocol play represents a refined, intensely structured form of interaction within the BDSM community. This practice is characterized by an elevated level of discipline, structure, and formality, adding a distinct layer of complexity to Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships. High protocol play emphasizes rigorous adherence to predefined rules and rituals, fostering an environment of respect and reverence that enhances the power dynamics between the Female Dominant and the male or female submissive.

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