Tag: Male Submissives

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How a Male Femdom Submissive Can Protect Himself from Online Scammers

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Understanding the Risks: Why Online Scams are Prevalent in the BDSM Community

Online scams have become increasingly prevalent within the BDSM community, particularly among male submissives seeking online Dommes. Several psychological and emotional factors contribute to this heightened vulnerability. Often, the desire for connection, validation, and unique sexual experiences can cloud judgment, making individuals more susceptible to deceit. The anonymity provided by online platforms also fosters an environment where scammers can easily create fake personas and manipulate unsuspecting victims.

One of the primary tactics employed by online scammers is emotional manipulation. They expertly play on the deep-seated desires and fantasies of male submissives, promising an idealized relationship or experience that seems too good to be true. By appealing to their emotional needs, scammers can quickly establish a false sense of trust and intimacy. This emotional connection is strategically used to extort money, personal information, or other valuable resources from the victim.

Fake profiles are another common tool used by scammers. These profiles are meticulously crafted with stolen photos and convincing backstories to appear legitimate. Scammers often portray themselves as experienced Dommes who can fulfill the submissive’s specific desires. They may engage in extensive communication, including detailed conversations about kinks and fetishes, to build credibility and lure the victim deeper into the scam. Once trust is established, they may request gifts, money, or even tributes as a sign of devotion, exploiting the submissive’s eagerness to please.

Moreover, the inherent power dynamics within BDSM relationships can further complicate the situation. Submissives may feel compelled to comply with the demands of a supposed Domme, even when those demands seem unreasonable or exploitative. This submissive mindset can be manipulated to the scammer’s advantage, making it challenging for the victim to recognize red flags and extricate themselves from the situation.

Understanding these risks and the tactics employed by scammers is crucial for anyone engaging in online interactions within the BDSM community. By remaining vigilant and exercising caution, male submissives can better protect themselves from falling victim to online scams.

At CollarNcuffs we have a zero tolerance for solicitation of any kind. If you believe something isn’t right please submit a report. We do not allow ANY form of solicitation for money, gift or tribute. We only allow lifestyle Dominants. If you suspect something is right we can ask for verification and help to keep you safe(r)

Initial Contact: Red Flags to Watch Out For

When engaging in online communication, especially in niche communities such as male femdom submissives, it is crucial to be vigilant and it is crucial that the site owners are vigilant too. Many sites care to much about appearing busy or having lot of Domme, even if these so called Dommes are out to wallet rape you. Scammers often exploit the anonymity and trust inherent in these interactions. One of the first red flags to watch out for is a sudden request for personal information or explicit photos. Legitimate individuals will typically respect boundaries and build trust gradually. An immediate push for sensitive details should raise concerns.

Another significant red flag is inconsistent or vague information about themselves. Scammers tend to provide minimal or contradictory details to avoid being traced. It’s important to ask specific questions and verify the consistency of their answers. If their story frequently changes or doesn’t add up, it’s a sign that something might be amiss.

Overly eager or rapid escalation of the relationship is another hallmark of a potential scammer. Genuine connections usually develop at a natural pace over weeks not hours or a day. If someone is pushing too hard, too fast, it may be a tactic to lower your defenses and gain your trust quickly. Be wary of individuals who seem too good to be true or who are excessively flattering from the outset.

Lastly, any refusal to engage in video calls or verifiable communication methods should be a cause for concern. While some may have legitimate reasons for avoiding video calls, such as privacy concerns, a consistent refusal to verify their identity through any means can indicate a scam. Scammers prefer to remain faceless to avoid detection and accountability.

In todays day and age no one doesn’t have access to privacy, a cam, a camera or microphone for long. In todays society we all carry mobile phone and have access to PCs in many different forms.

By being cautious and critically assessing these initial interactions, male femdom submissives can protect themselves from potential scams. Staying alert to these red flags can help in identifying suspicious behavior early on, preventing emotional and financial harm.

Verification Techniques: Ensuring Authenticity and Safety

When engaging in online relationships as a male femdom submissive, ensuring the authenticity and safety of your interactions is paramount. The internet can be a breeding ground for scammers, making it crucial to employ effective verification techniques. One of the first steps you can take is conducting reverse image searches on profile pictures. Tools such as Google Images and TinEye can help you determine if the images are genuine or if they have been lifted from other sources. This method can quickly reveal if the person you are interacting with is misrepresenting themselves.

When on a website question if you cannot reverse look up images! Ask yourself what does this say? What does it imply?
I personally find it discussing that many “dating” sites that are reliant on fees to provide service, now block reverse image look up. Warning bells go off in my head. It screams they know half or more of the “women” aren’t legitimate. It then further screams they don’t care about me, they just care about site revenue and site SEO

Another valuable technique is asking for real-time video chats. This step not only verifies the identity of the individual but also helps establish a more personal connection. Scammers often avoid live interactions, so their reluctance to engage in video calls can be a significant red flag. Additionally, check for a consistent online presence across multiple platforms. Authentic individuals usually have established profiles on social media, forums, and community sites. Cross-referencing these profiles can help ensure that the person is genuine and active in the community.

Gentlemen! If you ask to Cam and she gives some lame excuse. Let it go the first time. Women ALL like to look their best or be seen in the best light. If you are rejected more than once. Question!

Seeking references or testimonials from other community members can also provide an added layer of security. Reputable Dommes often have a history of previous interactions that can be vouched for by others. This process is called vetting. Engaging with community forums and groups can help you find reliable references. Furthermore, it’s crucial to protect your personal information and maintain anonymity until a solid level of trust is established. Use pseudonyms and avoid sharing sensitive details such as your real name, address, or financial information.

By employing these verification techniques, you can significantly reduce the risk of falling victim to online scams. These actionable steps will help you navigate your online relationships more safely, ensuring a positive and secure experience in the male femdom submissive community.

Building a Trustworthy Relationship: Best Practices for Long-Term Safety

Maintaining a trustworthy and safe relationship with an online Domme requires a multi-faceted approach centered on clear communication, mutual respect, and vigilance. At the foundation of any healthy BDSM relationship are well-defined boundaries and expectations. Both parties should openly discuss their limits, preferences, and any potential triggers to ensure a comfortable and consensual dynamic. This initial conversation is crucial for creating a safe space where both the Domme and submissive feel respected and understood.

Regular communication about safety and consent is paramount. Establishing a routine check-in, whether it be daily or weekly, can help both parties stay aligned and address any concerns promptly. Discussing safe words and signals, especially for online interactions, ensures that the submissive can communicate discomfort or distress effectively. Transparency about any changes in behavior or feelings is essential, as it allows both partners to address issues before they escalate.

Being mindful of any sudden changes in behavior from the Domme can be a significant indicator of potential scams. Red flags include requests for money, gifts, or personal information that seem excessive or out of character. It’s essential to remain cautious and verify the authenticity of such requests. A trustworthy Domme will prioritize the submissive’s well-being and will not pressure them into uncomfortable situations.

Community involvement can serve as an additional layer of protection. Engaging in forums or groups dedicated to BDSM relationships allows submissives to share experiences, seek advice, and learn from others. These communities often have resources and support systems that can help identify and avoid scammers. Participating in such groups fosters a sense of belonging and provides valuable insights into maintaining a safe and healthy relationship.

By integrating these best practices, a male submissive can nurture a trustworthy relationship with an online Domme, ensuring long-term safety and mutual satisfaction. Through clear communication, vigilance, and community support, the foundation for a secure and fulfilling BDSM dynamic is solidly established.

Additional reading Decting fakes in the online world

Resource article MissBonnie 2024

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Men Can Have Better Sex

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“Honey, it’s not a race!” That is what many women will tell their partner during – and especially AFTER – they have sex. And indeed it is not a race. Yet the question is if men can help it if they feel that sex – and especially the actual intercourse – is a physical achievement. Because if you’re a man, that is what it feels like.

And it happens for a very simple reason. Men are biologically programmed to do one thing as often and as good as they can: to fertilize as many females, as often as realistically possible. This is because that is what their genetic encoding tells them to do. It is the result of the survival of the species and this is what male mammals do. In fact, that is the prime task of any male species.

While we are not apes or rabbits, and much of this of course is socially unacceptable, that is what evolution has been grinding in for tens of thousands of years. And as much as a modern man doesn’t want to procreate non-stop, a large part of this – albeit redundant – genetic encoding is still very much there. And since it took so long to develop, expecting that the individual male will be able to erase it in one lifetime – or even in ten or twenty generations – is totally unrealistic.

Deep down inside – driven by reflexes and not by deliberate reasoning or by choice – men will only want one thing: get in and produce a powerful blast of sperm into the vagina – as far as possible and as much as possible. Again, that is their genetic duty. Their contribution to the survival of the species. For that reason the male orgasm largely feels like an explosion: pressure being built up until it nearly bursts and then he will give everything to blast it out as far as he can. His body will react just like that and will roll all his physical energy and musclepower into one tiny ball of semen and eject it, preferably with “rocket” force. (the reality requires that – although it feels very different – men actually do not exactly “shoot very far”. The best of us will manage only a few inches, but then, only half an inch is enough).

Additionally – his genetic reflexes will tell him to do all of this as quickly as possible while holding on to the female with all his strength, so the chances that the female will run and the sperm will not be used for its original design are minimal.

So, genetic encoding tells him: get it in RAPIDLY, get it in DEEP and DUMP THE PAYLOAD, no matter what the cost. The male sex hormones – driven by genetic encoding and cortex reflexes – will tell his body to do exactly that and nothing else. In that sense the human male – like any other male species – is much like a B52 bomber when it comes to sex.

The new gadget: sex for mutual fun

Evolutionary speaking, “sex for fun” is a relatively new gadget that has only been around for the last few thousand years of evolution. Ten minutes or so on the evolutionary clock. “Sex for mutual fun” – again in evolutionary terms – is something BRAND NEW, only discovered a few centuries ago. Hence – regardless how many generations have since passed – it is still something that is very much in the early adapting and learning stages.

Learning is FUN

We told you about the “female side” monkey. Here is one of its cousins: learning is a mutual thing. Men do not just have to learn about the female sexuality. BOTH still very much have to learn about the other.

In fact, learning about sex is largely a very new thing and poorly developed. Something that society in general hasn’t even fully adapted. We are still very much supposed to “know” about sex. It is not something you talk about openly and freely (just look at the constant attempts by various governments, religious fanatics and politicians to try and gag those, trying to talk about it freely, for example on the Internet). Which – for example – is why a country like the United States, when it comes to teen mothers, beats the average third world country in the negative sense of the word.

Experimenting, exploring, discovering is NOT WRONG, no matter what politicians or others may tell you. It is how we – the human race – learn. We’ve learned to identify what types of food are indeed food and which are poisonous by trial and error. Athletes learn by trying to experiment with their body and their abilities. Babies learn by feeling, trying and exploring. Sexuality is no different! And, exploring and learning is FUN. It should be. If it wasn’t we would never learn anything!

So, every time she says “Honey, it’s not a race!” you aren’t doing something wrong. Both of you are! Simply because BLAMING DOESN’T BELONG IN BED.

Communication is the lubricant and the tool that will help both of you (and we’ll come to talk about that). Through communication and exploration you’ll both find what is fun for both of you. And partners will need to teach each other.

Here is where we are touching on a specific difference between general sex and BDSM. In a BDSM context the power dynamics will be different. As a result, the submissive partner will expect the dominant to set the tone and the submissive will follow. That is usually not very helpful to the situation. BOTH partners – regardless the BDSM dynamics – will have to teach each other and dom/sub dynamics have a tendency to get in the way. Strict role behavior and the natural tendency of the submissive to try and please are likely to form a barrier, leaving one of the partners (partially) unfulfilled and blocking the road to growth. This is where a lot of uncertainties (for dominant partners) and self-blaming (for submissive partners) originates from.

The controlled rat race

So, if it is a rat race, what do you do to avoid it? You may have guessed – for starters you probably can’t avoid it. But …you can learn to control it and turn it into a well organized rat race that is fun for both.

Turning over and going to sleep

“When he’s done he turns over and falls asleep.” How often have men been confronted with that. And quite frankly, it is not only true, there is also very little he can do about it. The male orgasm is intense, physically intense; and the huge flows of adrenaline, combined with the sudden cut off of the tension and the physical release is what causes him to feel totally exhausted and he needs time to recuperate. Hence, it is NOT WRONG for a man to feel tired and sleepy immediately after an orgasm. It is what his body tells him to do.

Unfortunately, the female orgasm and the male orgasm do not develop at the same pace and as result, by the time the man is done the woman isn’t even half way done. And his fatigue – which to her seems to be lack of interest – is her biggest disappointment. As a result, what both of you need to learn is to get your timing right. Which is why introductory play – or foreplay – is so important. Maybe not to him, but most certainly to her.

Unfortunately, during sex the erected penis literally is a loaded barrel, ready to explode any time and the longer it is kept erected, the more likely the orgasm is to come instantly (quite often almost immediately upon penetrating the vagina). And not all men are capable to maintain an erection for a very long time.

A frequently asked question: why is it that nature hasn’t taken care of “in sync” orgasms for the male and female? The answer again is in genetics and evolution. If you are a woman, you may want to brace yourself for what is coming.

From the point of reproduction there is no need for a female orgasm. She doesn’t need one – at least not as an incentive. She is the passive half of the reproduction process and will be fertilized, orgasm or no orgasm. The man, however, is to be lured into wanting to deposit his seed – hence it should be fun, hence an incentive, hence the orgasm.

That is also why the female orgasm is different from the male. The male orgasm is largely a physical driven one (although fantasy does play an increasing role in the male orgasm) – the female is a mentally (fantasy and emotions/feeling) driven one. For women the concept of sex for fun is much older – simply because the only function of the female orgasm is FUN (in the sense that there is no biogenetical reason for it). So, as far as sex for fun is concerned, the men are several hundreds (maybe thousands) of years behind. They are – sad but very true – evolutionary speaking – still seed-machines. Very efficient machines, but …still.

That is not entirely true of course. Men too have discovered the sex for fun concept and quite a long time ago. Unfortunately, there are frequent conflicts between what his genetic duties tell his body to do and what his mind wants to do.

So what to do? Well, actually it isn’t that difficult. As opposed to widespread urban legends: MEN DO HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO HAVE MULTIPLE ORGASMS. Just not in the same way as their female partners. In other words, it isn’t a constant flow (the female “waves of orgasms”). Instead, he needs a bit of time in between before he can charge himself up again. And a simple way to do that is to make sure you eat a bit in between, preferably sugar or chocolate or a banana – anything that will give a quick energy boost. So – have an orgasm, grab a bite to eat (nothing can be more romantic), maybe have a glass of sweet wine and get ready for the next part of the session.

“Honey, was it good for you too?”

On to the the next monkey. Let’s face it, your genes don’t care if it was good for her or not. Your genes just tell you to dump the load, whether she likes that or not. The problem again is that what your genes tell you to do is not exactly socially acceptable and very likely not even what you want either. But then, genes don’t care about social conventions or other motives. They just care about reproduction.

Fact of the matter is that both the male and the female orgasm are VERY SELFISH EXPERIENCES. The orgasm is something for YOU, not for your partner. Neither can “share” the individual orgasm with the other, nor does anyone want to. At best – if you’re lucky – you can orgasm simultaniously. But that will still be two individuals, each in their own orgasmic trance.

Hence, the idea is to control the rat race by understanding and a bit of planning. But most of all by NOT WORRYING. Sex does not have to end in an orgasm for both and most certainly not in a simultaneous orgasm. And an orgasm (and especially an ejaculation [cumming]) has long ceased to be an obligation, regardless of what your genes would like you to believe. If either of you “didn’t make it”, that’s perfectly okay. In fact, women especially will often not mind, since the orgasm itself is only partially what sex is about to them. The intimacy, the cuddling, the whatever-else-she-likes will usually be much more important. And, in a BDSM-setting the orgasm will actually be much more of a release valve and not so much the goal of the entire thing.

Four hints for successful sex

  • 1. An orgasm is not a goal, the intimacy is. No orgasm is not a disaster – in fact, the orgasm, yours or hers, is nice to have but entirely unimportant (unless you are really planning to create offspring, in which case HIS ejaculation – which is not the same as an orgasm – IS important)
  • 2. Simultaneous orgasms are PURE LUCK – if it happens it is great, but the chances are 100 to 1 that it won’t, so don’t bother.
  • 3. The trick is in planning. There are many ways to achieve an orgasm. If you bring HER to an orgasm and masturbate to have your own later, that is perfectly okay, for example. As a man having an orgasm is easy, so the emphasis should be on her – it takes her longer to get there and it takes more effort. So if it is important to you both to have an orgasm during sex, make sure she gets there first. You can either “hop on the train when she’s close to the station” or have your own orgasm later.
  • 4. Take the stress out of your lovemaking. Stress is sex and libido killer number one. Stress at work, stress at home, stress in the relationship, financial stress AND stress because you feel your sex has to accomplish something are all very negative influences. Relaxation helps. Make it fun and take your time. Have a shower or even better a bath first (the Japanese have turned bathing into an artform in itself), go romantic, go kinky, go sexy, go exciting, but DO something to take your mind off the daily stress and worries. Creative sex, with regular changes and surprises, also improves your sexlife.



©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm. He was the chairman for poweroticsFoundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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Male sexuality: Feeling Trapped

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Feeling trapped

It is not uncommon for men to feel trapped in their own life, especially not when it comes to either identifying or discovering new aspects in their sexuality. And getting out of the trap may not always be easy, especially not if your spouse is not open to this. Simply because getting out of the trap – which is not (although frequently identified as) the same as a mid-life crisis – may bring about some drastic shifts in your life. For both of you, actually.

The most blatant example is the situation where a married men “suddenly” discovers he is either gay or bisxual. This is neither sudden, nor a discovery, but in fact the men in question making room in his head for other, new ideas that he may have suppressed (consciously or not) for a long time. And this does not exactly happen in the area of sexual inclination – but also in other sexually related areas, such as discovering or identifying BDSM-emotions, crossdressing or simply discovering that there are other women as well and that there may be room in your life (and heart) for more than one.

This “life trap” – which is a very typical MALE thing – is something that has not attracted a lot of attention yet. However, it is fair to say that it can be compared to the situationof the woman who, after having raised children, wants to return to an active economic or social life and finds she’s way behind in many developments and may not be able to do what she actually wants as a result of previous choices in life (this has as little to do with the meno-pause as the male trap has to do with mid-life crisis, even though all these events may happen more or less in the same period in your life). Both men and women will not be able to escape the trap without dramatic choices in their lives.

It doesn’t always have to be dramatic – largely depending on your personal situation. Quite a few people “escape” the trap as a result of other changes in their lives, such as finding a new role and destiny in life though being grandparents, or picking up the study you always wanted to do, or career changes, which – especially for men – are likely to happen between 40 and 50. If you are eligeable for a top-management or board position, it will be around that age. To others however it will be a problem, especially if the trap either is directly related to your sexuality or has a large impact on it.

The strong defense wall

From the male point of view – which is what we are talking about here – the first thing you are likely to run into, is the HUGE defense wall your partner will build up, especially when the “trap” has sexual implecations. Most men, even trying to discuss such subjects, at some point, will have heard the “I am not good enough” argument at some point – and frequently more than once. In lots of cases that and the sound of a slamming front door will also be the last thing they hear, because that is where the relationship ends.

While the men feels he’s (trying to be) honest about himself, his partner will feel betrayed and frequently “dumped” and communication is difficult if not entirely impossibe – for a long while and possibly forever. And since the “trap” is not something that has so far been identified very well, finding help or solutions is next to impossible. The two of you will have to sort it out by yourself, one way or another.

This is the time when “affairs” start to happen or when “the internet” comes in – secret virtual meetings in chat rooms, in Internet clubs and many other fora. No, we emphasize it again, THIS IS NOT MID-LIFE CRISIS! It is feeling trapped in your own choices that may not always have been your own and it has nothing to do with hormonal changes or the fact that you are losing hair or virility – even though all that may happen at the same time. The life of most men simply is a long chain of compromizes and choices hat were right at the time but that may turn against him later. Carreer choices, partner choices, financial choices and many others. His prime – self-imposed as a result of social programming – responsibility has always been making money, building and – even more importantly – supporting his family and now that he has done all that he feels he has lost old friends and missed opportunities and discovers that there is more to life than a carreer, financial security and a family to support. His first girlfriend starts to haunt his dreams again, together with old ideas, fishing or hiking trips, the good old sports days and frequently (if he has such a background) the “happy days with his buddies in the army”). All of that of course in a happy and rosy-red perspective.

Looking for footholds

What he is doing is looking for footholds. A combination of three – very important – things:

1. (re)assurance of his choices

2. openings for new possibilities

3. (re)inventing himself

And while he feels alone (since probably no-one will (re)assure him when it comes to his life choices), he feels trapped by the situation he is in – unable to leave his relationship (because he BOTH cannot without severe consequences and probably does not want to), unable to leave his carreer (again because of servere personal and economic consequences and probably not just for himself), physically unable to pick things he used to do (because he’s out of condition) and unable to make room for himself (because of the many social, economical and family obligations AND the defense wall).

So, what to do? He’ll look for footholds. He eventually probably WILL make room for himself and to him that neither feels like betrayal nor as weakness. In fact, it is very likely he will feel this as an important achievement (in other words the “room” may be cheating on his wife, but it doesn’t feel like cheating, it feels like well-deserved personal space).

It doesn’t make any sense – if the “trap” is sexually related, regardless in what way – to come up with solutions like: take up a hobby, find an education or go have a beer with your friends. And he isn’t exactly Al Bundy either. He feels trapped and wants himself and the trap(s) to be taken seriously, quite often regardless the consequences (in other words: divorce).

The long and painful road

But it gets worse. The trap will become a trap by itself. Hardly any man WANTS a divorce, because it goes against everything he has been taught, everything that has been implanted and as a result anything he (thinks he) stands for. To the vast majority of men divorce equals (self)betrayal. So now that he identified the fact that he feels trapped and tries to find a way out or at least discuss it and find understanding, the trap in itself becomes a new, extra trap.

The only way out – except for the drastic methods, such as divorce – is through a long and painful process of communication. A process that is painful and difficult for both partners – however, also inevitable. If he feels trapped, there will be pain (either the pain of the divorce, the pain of a drastic carreer change or the pain of the communication itself). There is no way to avoid it – if the trap is there: face it!

Is there any general advice? No, not much – except maybe the assumption that the one-on-one, ever lasting, happy couple situation is probably not for everybody. In fact, modern divorce statistics show that the “happily ever after” are in fact a minority and may soon be reduced to a “happy few”. On top of that – a lot of aspects of modern society (technological changes, the economic rat race, double income families, the information-overflow and such) only come on top of that and the 1960-slogan “Stop the world, I want to get off” is probably more accurate than ever before.

At the same time: the “traditional relationship” (which in fact isn’t that “traditional” at all, but merely an invention that is only 100 years old) is rapidly replaced by a multitude of relationships: gay, lesbian, non-married couples, poly-armory, living groups, deliberate singles, you name it. Meaning that when it comes to the view of what “a relationship” should be is probably (quite rapidly) changing. Some sociologists even argue that the baby-boomers and former hippies only now start to build the type of relationships the stood for back in the 1960s and 70s. Only history will tell if they are right or wrong. Fact is that there are changes and that, if you feel trapped, you’ll probably have to do something about it.


©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm. He is the chairman of powerotics Foundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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