Web cam play pros and cons, hints and tips for Femdom

I think this topic is going to be near and dear to a lot of kinksters, myself included. I think cams are great because they let you interact with someone in a much more meaningful way than just text or pics. One snapshot does not show the depths of emotion and the struggle they go through to do as told. You do not know if your taking them to there limits or not without seeing into there eyes. You can play with a partner, see them squirm, watch them carry out your instructions, see their facial expressions, etc. all in real time. no need to wait for photos to show up in email. The joy of a cam is that you can interact on a whole new level

Cams are a great way for beginners to kind of explore Femdom. you can play just for fun with whoever is willing, or you can play with a regular partner and develop a meaningful relationship. it’s also a lot easier to find a partner to play with on cam than to find a partner real time. The internet has made Dominance and submission and B.D.S.M a lot more accessible to a lot of people, but us perverts are still kind of a minority in the real world. plus, in the real world you can never quite tell who’s the kinksters, and who’s vanilla.

‘Pros’ and ‘cons’

The only ‘con’ for me is that a cam doesn’t hold a candle to a real time experience. plus there are things you just can’t do on your own because of logistics, safety etc. But having stated that, it’s an added extra and for people who can’t get out there and meet people, cams certainly are a great addition to some Femdom play times.

I love using the cam with my submissives, and occasional play partners . My sessions are more intense and rewarding. I would rather cam than have pictures taken or them writing of their experiences. I love camming but not just with or for anyone. The ‘pros’ tend to revolve around the fact that one is able to explore an interest in a safe environment. A man who has never cross-dressed in front of another living being, for example, can do so via cam without much fear of ridicule. It’s can be a first step to taking it into real life.

The ‘cons’ tend to be the ungawdly number of boys I have never, met nor chatted with, who want to wave their penis in my general direction and masturbate. Gah. Please. Like it’s special !!!!

I’ve learned my lesson quite a few times, especially using chat rooms, that people are not always who they say they are, if your in doubt we have a resource page Fakers that could help shed some light on, or spot a potential fake.

If I become interested in someone, and they don’t have a web cam, I let them know that will hinder any progress in our D/s relationship. There is just no way I am going to get emotionally involved with someone and then find out they aren’t who they say they are. Besides, I have met hundreds of people that are more than willing to just turn it on so I can watch their facial movements as we speak. If a particular person is absolutely dead set against it, no worries. There are a million people out there with web cams.

There have been a very slim few that have scene’d with me on cam, usually they also watch me as well, but I am kind of picky. I know that I suddenly sound like a webcam snob, or shallow, or what not. I’ve just had some bad times with liars and cheats and fakes. I’m done with that!!!

Quiet a few in online Femdom world also have this idea that web cams are somehow going to expose your session to the world or something?

That people can find out what you are doing on webcam by somehow hacking into your session? Just to clarify some things:

• First off, about one in 10,000 people (yes, I made that number up, I think it’s extremely conservative, I can‘t locate actual figures) actually have the technical know how to get into your computer to find files that you may or may have not downloaded off the internet, including webcam files. And remember, that most of the time, if not 99 percent of the time, people KNOW the person they are hacking; so be nice to people in general. Karma etc.
• Secondly, even less people have the technical know how to do that remotely (via the Internet). So unless you happen to live with the world’s most computer literate human being, and they not only have full unaccompanied access to your computer, AND they have your passwords to your IM programs, AND they are someone who spends their days programming in Visual Basic or some other coding language like that AND they happen to know exactly how windows puts all the files where it puts it, all hidden in DOS etc… The chances are NIL that anyone would ever know anything about your hot webcam encounters… You really have to know what you are doing to somehow hack into someone’s web cam session, and then on top of that, that person who is doing it really needs to hate you something awful.
• Third, free porn is so easily obtainable on the Internet, and the free porn availed is some what of a higher caliber and quality why would someone directly want your cam feed? webcams are, for some, are just a way to utilize the most recent technology to facilitate a long distance relationship; just like phones were to us a hundred years ago, email was to us 15 years ago, and now IM’s, phone text messages and webcam are to us today. I say use what you have available to you.

From a Domme’s point of view, I think trust is built more quickly when You can actually see the boy carrying out Your wishes. I enjoy seeing hard cocks, and I love seeing the effect I’m having on a boy.

The “con” I’ve heard most from submissive males is not knowing for sure it’s a Female watching them on the other end (since most Dommes choose not to show on cam) I imagine it’s difficult for some to show their naked bodies to virtual strangers, or carry out some tasks that are asked of them on camera. Often all that is needed to lay this fear to rest is quick cam showing, that you are in fact female.

Cams can make sub males very insecure and self conscious. digital camera can often be used as a stepping stone to cam work you could maybe get him to send pictures of assignments. A good warm up might be to limit initial cam time, get him to turn on his cam for two minutes . Suggest to him that you want to see his smile. “after 2 minutes you may shut it off and thank me“. Every once in awhile tell your submissive to turn on the cam and you’ll soon notice they will appear more comfortable, increase the time slowly over days, weeks, then slowly progress until you began doing sessions on cam.

Right, you have finally found a willing submissive male to dominate via webcam, so what now ?

First off you need to talk with your sub to find out what pushes his buttons.

It would also be wise to discuss your limits in advance. One of the best ways to do this is to set him an assignment to write down his favorite D/s or cam session (also his favorite fantasy cam session). This will give you lots of hints as to what he likes. Then ask him what didn’t worked in past cam sessions (for example some people might like verbal humiliation, others may be turned off entirely by it). You should also ask him if he has ever completed a BDSM checklist (of what he’s experienced with / what he’d like to try / what he hates, etc)what are his limits what will he negotiate.

Subbies please try to avoid phrases like “I have no limits”, or “I’ll do anything for you”. you may be asked to prove it. (Also, if I may, the biggest PRO to cam sessions is in the truest essence of BDSM – power exchange in a safe, sane and consensual way. If a submissive male finds themselves in a situation or task that they feel may be unsafe or a hard limit, in an online situation they may simply say that. If the Dominant in question is unable or unwilling to listen to and/or address their concerns, then the submissive also has they ability to ‘switch off’ the camera, thereby ending the session and the perceived danger we have an excellent resource page with more info called Dating red flags if your in doubt).

In real time encounters, we use safewords for extreme play, as the submissive may not be able to physically stop the encounter. Online, it’s much more about trust, desire, and the ability to please.

Right so what now ?

Some general things to remember, and please don’t feel I’m teaching you to suck eggs. I’d rather state the obvious and you know it than not do it and you don’t is all.

• Find a space. Don’t play in limited areas where things can be knocked or hit. I don’t know if your sub is limited to one room, but either way avoid playing in cluttered areas. If he has to rearrange his furniture to create it, so be it. Create the space and keep it that way if you can.
• The position of the webcam will, obviously, dictate what you can see and how well you can see it. This also ties into the need for a reasonably defined space.
• The webcam should not be fixed. It’s too limiting. Ideally, wireless is the way to go but they’re costly things. It will be cheaper to buy extension cords and have them lead from the back of the pc to a certain point where the camera can be moved to. The extension cables don’t have to be plugged in, but can sit behind the pc, labelled for each position they lead to such as ‘Top of Wardrobe’ or ‘Bedside’. You can have as many as you like, but I find three or four does the job nicely.

That way, when you prepare to put your sub in a certain position, you have him remove has camera from the pc, plug the relevant extension in and then move the cam to plug it into the other end of the extension and give the best view. Simple, easy and quick and makes use of the space you have created.

Next, remember who he’s doing this for.

It’s all very well knowing what he wants and needs to do, but letting him do such things is his reward for doing what you want him to do.

Just as you need to know him to provide what he wants, he also has to know you to provide what you want. When you’re going to be apart for a time, task him with researching five suggestions for your pleasure. If he comes back with 5 ideas that more pander to his needs, then he is a very naughty boy and needs reminding of that fact. He has to know you as well.

Is he a fit man? If he is, then have him do sit ups with a large plug inside him. Alternatively or additionally, have him clamp his nipples hard and run lengths of cord that are tied of somewhere in front of him. Get his feet pushed against this so he can’t slide downwards and tell him to lie flat so that the cords go taught. Then have him do sit ups so that when he is in the relaxed position, lying flat, the pain is at it’s worst.

When he gets used to that, have the clamps tied off behind him so that, as he sits up, his nipples are pulled backwards and to the side. This can be very productive when, as he sits up, you simply say ‘hold there’.

Buy a dildo with a sucker at the bottom so that it can be easily attached to any flat service. This is good for both oral and anal training. Have him do this with clamps again, tied off near the dildo so that they are only slack when the toy is deep in his mouth and get tighter as he pulls back. They are, of course, absolutely taught when the toy is still in his mouth. If he pulls back too far for any reason, then the clamps yank off and he is hurt for doing so.

Then, of course, he is properly punished for doing so.

One thing I find very frustrating is bad lighting.

Nothing is worse than not being able to see what You want! For the first time cam user, check out your lighting beforehand. Try different lamps or lights, watching the differences of how visible you are on your screen. It wouldn’t hurt to have some alternative lighting available when the big time comes.

some extra ideas that have worked well for me, and others:

Handcuffs with the key frozen in cup of water works well, the key can be retrieved if need, Velcro straps, Bondage tape…just use your imagination and any thing can happen.

Keep in mind, when experimenting with self bondage, that (assuming he’s basically alone) you should be careful. If something were to happen and he was unable to release himself…. that sort of thing. Although a malfunction with the frozen hand cuffs would prove to be entertaining probably. Lol poor subbie trying to get dressed so he can go find a locksmith….. Clothespins are fun *chuckle*. Hmm…lots of teasing, orgasm denial. Hehe, it’s fun to keep your sub riding on the edge for as long as you see fit (actually, it’s fun to be that sub, too!). Crops or other impact toys…especially ones that leave nice marks. Permanent markers to write slutty things on himself. Lip stick for your forced femme

CBT is VERY fun over cam, too. Takes a bit of imagination sometimes, but it can be fun too!

have him cum in a glass early in the session…leave it sitting beside the monitor as you continue (induct value as he is unsure of what will be done with it)…have him drink it for you in closing.

ice cubes in the ass (should he dispel them before they melt, think up some punishment) then insert large plug with a warming lube…lovely contrast that tends to get them excited quickly, and the numbing from the ice allows the larger plug to be less painful. at first. …the look on his face the first time? priceless! a small amount on a plug, or other insertable, can be intense and amazing. a large amount can have them sweating and screaming in a fairly short amount of time. grins.

have him get a popsicle and show you how creative he can be for your amusement.

The addition of the webcam can add to the humiliation and control factor of online play, including the edginess of being discovered by someone walking in on the scene or participating in it from the other side of the camera. The idea of online D/s is always a bit enthralling because your making him do all these things to himself. He’s not even being forced so he’s basically humiliating and torturing himself voluntarily.

Article by MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com