So you want to meet a Domme! You want to be collared either real-time or cyber collared, Or if your honest you just want a little cyber playtime
So you want to meet a Domme in the chatroom, but you’ve gone in and you’ve got no attention, you haven’t been dragged off to cyber heaven by the Domme of your dreams.
I’ve written this page for a few reasons;
- 1 You’re going to find it useful
- 2 The advice contained within it should help stop you looking like an idiot.
- 3 A slightly more selfish reason…I’m slightly sick of chatroom behavior and being asked the same questions.
If you have arrived at this URL address chances are your either starting out, or you’ve bombed out on your cyber partner hunt, and your searching for answers or help. Or the other reason is… you’ve been pointed in this direction either nicely or quiet abruptly from a fellow chartroom user.
My logical guess is you keep striking out, so you’ve now found you’re self here reading my page – I have no way of knowing. Consequently, don’t take it that personally – I don’t know who you are, or the circumstances under which you’ve arrived here. The chances are however that you are in danger of making yourself look stupid, or that you’re pestering women in a chat room, so please spend the few moments it takes to read this page – it will be worth it.
Before we move onto the information itself, lets make one thing perfectly crystal clear: I’m NOT looking for male submissives anyway, so it’s a total waste of both your time and mine, ok? Well, having got that little, (but important) point out of the way, lets move on, shall we. The following are a list of things that you might want to keep in mind if you want to achieve your goal.
There are lots of male submissives.
You are not the only male submissive in the world, just because you are submissive and she is Domme doesn‘t mean she is interested. In fact, within the BDSM scene you’re just about the lowest of the low. Sorry if that sounds depressing, but it’s the truth, and you might as well hear it from me in a ‘semi’ polite form, instead of from someone else in a chatroom who is rather less than polite. Simply coming into a chat room and telling people that you’re a male submissive isn’t going to mean a thing. Quite frankly, we don’t care. Worse still is telling people that you’re a male submissive, and which lucky mistress would like you as their slave. We will NOT be interested. Most likely we already have a submissive or stable of submissives, and we’re probably not looking for another one. So, to really hammer the point home: THIS APPROACH WILL NOT WORK! YOU are wasting time and effort. If a Domme does pay attention after this approach, chances are you about to serve a Male !!! Think about it ?if this is ok with you, then by all means stop reading and continue on with your quest for self ‘serving’ Femdom.
There are not that many Dommes.
Ohhhhhh was that your little subbie heart shattering?….my apologies’ I maybe should of worded that a tad softer. Don’t despair I do have answers:
The BDSM pecking order goes a bit like this – at the top of the heap are female submissives. They are rare, delightful creatures, few and far between. Next down come Dommes. You don’t tend to get an awful lot of those either. Next in the order are Doms. There are quite a lot of them, believe me. Finally we get to the largest group of all, the male submissive. Consequently, don’t treat all Dommes as the same. If you’ve read this far, you may be a tad pissed off with me generalizing and calling you a male submissive. Just think how much more annoying it is for a Domme to exist in your mind as nothing more than a woman who may want a submissive. You are denying her everything about her, except her sex and the fact that she can tell you what to do. Believe me, this is a really bad idea – the level of interest in you will be zero, zilch nada. If it’s not zero it’s almost certainly because she thinks you’re a joke. (Of course, it’s entirely possible that’s what you get off on, but we’ll assume that you do actually want a Domme for all the right reasons, ok?)
Dommes do not like to be pestered.
In fact, no-one likes to be pestered. In fact, no-one likes people who whine. Gawd knows that we see enough male submissives who do. Ensure that you do not fall into that category. Actually, it’s probably too late, because that’s one of the reasons that someone may have pointed out this web page to you. So make sure you stop that behaviour right now!
Female submissives are not Dommes in disguise.
You may be tempted to talk to a female submissive in the hopes of persuading her that actually, she’s really a Domme and hasn’t met the right submissive male yet. Trust me when I tell you that every female sub has heard every line, at least ten times. THIS WILL NOT WORK! A female sub doesn’t have to be anything other than a female submissive – in terms of rarity value they’re at the top as it is. Believe me – if a female submissive wanted to be a Domme, she’d be one. Trying to persuade her that she is will do nothing except annoy her. It’s a really bad idea to annoy a female submissive; they have ways and means that are beyond the understanding of anyone else, and their revenge will be nothing you’d want to experience. By all means talk to them – hell, talk to all of us! But please don’t try and get her to Domme you. Female submissives in our chatrooms here, on Collarncuffs… are here to serve Dommes, they serve or wish to serve a Female Dominant just the same as you….Remember how you feel when approaching a female sub, they are actually just like you, only a different sex.
The positive steps you should take.
Be polite when entering a chat.
This is of course always good manners for anyone. Politeness is a virtue, good manners go a long way, just as they do in real life. Do not barge into a chat and tell everyone your sex, age, location and your particular fetish. We don’t care. If we take any notice of this at all it’s going to be ‘oh, it’s an idiot. Ignore them’. which is just what you don’t want to happen. You will find that you get on a lot better if you come in, say ‘hi’, and perhaps explain that you’re new to the room. DO NOT IMMEDIATELY START PM’ING DOMMES OR FEMALE SOUNDING NAMES. They won’t be interested, and chances are you might just be chatting up a femmed Male submissive who chooses to use a female nickname, or a ‘lesbian’ female sub. Both who have no interest in you at all. It is much better to sit quietly for a while, listening to conversations and getting to know people individually first, and allowing them to get to know you. Some Dommes will also insist you ask publicly to PM before chatting…heed this advice!! If you wish to get any where.
Demonstrate why you’re different.
Before looking for a Domme, you need to decide for yourself what makes you different. If you’ve taken the trouble to sit in a chat and slowly get involved with it, at some point, someone will ask you about yourself. This is a key moment in your search for a Domme, so use it wisely, even if it‘s another submissive asking question…Dommes present will listen intently if interested. Here are some of the classic errors that are made at this point:
- Submissive error I’m very submissive.Domme thoughts Big deal so are all submissives.
- Submissive error I do exactly what I’m told.Domme thoughts Well yes.. and? This one is desperate!
- Submissive error I’ll do anything for the right Mistress.Domme thoughts Well yes.. and again? This one is desperate!
- Submissive error I have a tongue that can go for hours Domme thoughts Well why don’t you conserve it, and shut the fuck up!
- Submissive error I’m excellent at pleasuring my Mistress Domme thoughts Oh, ok… he’s desperate for a fuck.
- Submissive error I’m rich with my own Penthouse suite.Domme thoughts He’s a desperate liar.
- Submissive error I’m available for the right Domme! Domme thoughts Totally clueless and arrogant.
- Submissive error I’m 23, very fit and highly intelligent.Domme thoughts even more totally clueless and arrogant
- Submissive error I’m looking for a Domme!Domme thoughts You’re a male sub, of course you are…
None of those approaches will work. We see it every night. What makes much more sense is to assume that we know you’re submissive, that you’ll do as you’re told and all that jazz. So don’t tell us, move swiftly onto something about you that’s interesting. What hobbies do you have? What skills have you got? What makes you an interesting human being? The fact that you’re a sub isn’t interesting. We know that already. There are very interesting male submissives – I know lots of them, as do the rest of us. But they are interesting because they are people who happen to be submissive. Do you see the difference? I really hope so!
Tell us why you’re different and leave it.
Don’t continue whittering on about it. If people are interested, they’ll ask you about it. If they do, congratulations, you’ve moved onto the next stage in your search. FINDING A DOMME IS A LONG TERM PROCESS – IT WILL NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT. If you come into a chat room expecting to find a Domme who will come around and visit you the same evening or the next day to beat you senseless, just leave the room right now and go to yahoo_bdsm_stupidly_optimistic_room_101 After all – why should a Domme want to? She’s probably already got a sub she can phone up and say ‘come over here now, I am in horny mood to beat you’. So just leave it. Don’t push it, and don’t go expect anything to happen now, tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or this week. Or probably this month. I’m really sorry – I know that you’re desperate – it’s clear for all to see, and there’s nothing that is more off-putting than a desperate submissive. It’s not pretty and it’s not attractive.
Visit the chatroom again. And again.
But visit it as a PERSON. Do not visit as a male submissive desperate for a Domme. We’ll just get totally pissed off with you. However, if you are interesting and a fun person to chat to, you’ll be warmly welcomed. Do this for long enough, and at some point a Domme will turn her eye towards you. (Probably both eyes in fact. If she does just turn one eye towards you, you may have reason to be slightly concerned). And when you visit, come to the chatroom to meet people. Don’t come with the express requirement to meet the Domme of your dreams. She probably doesn’t exist, and if she does, she’s the one who is married, or has a full stable… ok? Treat all of us Dommes, submissives just like normal real life people because you know what? That’s exactly what we are. No-one likes being put in a pigeon hole. You don’t like me thinking of you as ‘just another male submissive’, and quite frankly, I don’t blame you. If you don’t like it, why would we want to be pigeon holed either?
When a Domme talks to you.
Obviously be polite. We all like politeness. Dommes usually insist on it. However, don’t grovel, since we don’t like that. Save the kissing my ass for when you ask you too. Most Dommes don’t like grovelling. Remember, that she is talking to you because she finds you interesting – the fact that you’re a submissive is taken for granted, so you need to make sure that you think in those terms as well. Do not immediately launch into a sales pitch about how you’re the best sub she’ll ever meet blah blah (see I just tuned out). She won’t believe you and she’ll lose interest within seconds. Of course, if she asks what you like doing as a submissive, tell her! DO NOT SAY ‘ANYTHING YOU WANT MISTRESS’. This immediately puts you into the category of sad desperate loser, or just a wank chaser. Tell her what you do like doing, and what you don’t like doing. Be clear about this, since she’s going to find out at some point, and you might as well be up front about it – it’ll save your time and hers Miss Right is better than Miss Rightnow.
What to do if a Domme expresses an interest.
Your on your own now after all your domme must be interested in you to of allowed you this far
Article by MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com