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Exploring Sexual Degradation in BDSM: Psychology and Practice

Table of Contents

Introduction to Sexual Degradation in BDSM

Sexual degradation in BDSM is a nuanced and complex practice that involves consensual activities where one partner may use language, behavior, or scenarios to degrade the other. This practice is rooted in power dynamics, where one partner, often referred to as the dominant, exerts control over the submissive partner. It is crucial to understand that, within the context of BDSM, all actions are consensual and negotiated beforehand to ensure that the experience is safe and enjoyable for everyone involved.

The terminology associated with sexual degradation can be diverse. Common terms include “degradation,” “humiliation,” and “debasement,” each carrying specific connotations. While degradation often implies a lowering of status or dignity, humiliation focuses on the emotional discomfort or embarrassment experienced by the submissive. Debasement, on the other hand, can involve acts that make the submissive feel lesser in some way. Despite these potentially negative connotations, many participants find these experiences profoundly fulfilling and cathartic.

At the core of engaging in sexual degradation is the principle of informed consent. Both parties must have a clear understanding of what each term and practice entails, and more importantly, they must mutually agree upon the limits and boundaries. This is typically achieved through open and honest communication, often facilitated by a pre-negotiation or a “check-in” process before any session. Safe words are also commonly used to ensure that either party can halt the activity immediately if it becomes too overwhelming or crosses a boundary.

Understanding personal boundaries is essential when exploring sexual degradation. Each individual’s comfort levels and limits are unique, and these should be respected at all times. The dominant must remain attuned to the submissive’s reactions, ensuring that the experience remains consensual and positive. The practice of sexual degradation, when conducted with mutual respect and clear communication, can enhance trust and intimacy between partners, providing a deeper connection within the BDSM dynamic.

Historical and Cultural Context of Sexual Degradation

The practice of sexual degradation within BDSM is deeply rooted in historical and cultural contexts that have evolved significantly over time. Societal perceptions of sexuality and power dynamics have played a crucial role in shaping the understanding and practices of sexual degradation. Historically, sexual power imbalances were often reflected in societal hierarchies, where dominant-submissive relationships were mirrored in the broader context of social and political structures.

In many ancient civilizations, sexual domination was both a symbol and a tool of power. For instance, in ancient Rome, sexual acts that involved domination and submission were not just personal preferences but also expressions of social status and control. The concept of sexual degradation in these contexts was intertwined with the exertion of power and control over others, often reflecting the broader societal hierarchies and norms.

As societies evolved, so did their views on sexuality and power dynamics. The medieval period saw the emergence of courtly love, which introduced more nuanced views of submission and dominance within romantic and sexual relationships. However, it wasn’t until the 20th century that sexual degradation as a component of BDSM began to be more openly discussed and practiced. The sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s played a pivotal role in challenging traditional norms and opening up discussions around alternative sexual practices, including BDSM.

Culturally, the perception and integration of sexual degradation in BDSM vary significantly. In Western cultures, the practice has become more mainstream, partly due to the influence of literature, media, and the growing acceptance of diverse sexual expressions. Conversely, in many Eastern cultures, practices of sexual degradation may still be viewed through a lens of taboo, influenced by traditional views on sexuality and modesty.

The intersection of cultural influences and historical contexts continues to shape the contemporary understanding and practices of sexual degradation in BDSM. As societal norms evolve, so too does the acceptance and integration of these practices, reflecting broader changes in attitudes towards sexuality and power dynamics.

Psychological Aspects of Sexual Degradation

Sexual degradation within BDSM is a complex phenomenon rooted in various psychological dynamics. For many individuals, the allure lies in the intricate interplay of power exchange, submission, and dominance. These elements create a framework where participants can explore their deepest desires and boundaries in a controlled, consensual environment. The psychological gratification derived from such practices is often linked to the release of endorphins, which can produce feelings of euphoria and pain relief.

One key aspect of the psychological appeal of sexual degradation is the concept of power exchange. In this dynamic, one partner assumes a dominant role while the other takes on a submissive role. This exchange of power can be deeply fulfilling, providing a sense of liberation for the submissive partner and a feeling of control and responsibility for the dominant partner. The voluntary surrender of control by the submissive can lead to a profound sense of trust and intimacy between partners, enhancing the overall experience.

Submission and dominance are not merely about physical acts; they also involve significant psychological components. Submissive individuals often report a release from stress and anxiety as they relinquish control, allowing them to experience a state of mental clarity and relaxation. Conversely, dominant individuals may find satisfaction in the responsibility and care they must exhibit, creating a nurturing yet authoritative dynamic.

Research studies and psychological theories offer further insights into these behaviors. Sigmund Freud’s theories on sadomasochism, for instance, suggest that these practices may be rooted in early developmental stages and unconscious desires. Modern research supports these ideas, indicating that individuals engaged in BDSM often display higher levels of psychological well-being and lower levels of anxiety compared to the general population.

Moreover, the practice of sexual degradation can trigger the release of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, which can enhance pleasure and create a sense of connection between partners. This biochemical response underscores the intricate link between physical sensations and psychological states within BDSM activities.

Personal Motivations and Desires

Engaging in sexual degradation within the context of BDSM is driven by a variety of personal motivations and desires. One significant factor is the emotional release it provides. For some individuals, the act of being degraded or degrading another can serve as a cathartic experience, offering a release from daily stress and societal expectations. This emotional release can be therapeutic, allowing participants to process complex emotions in a controlled environment.

Trust-building is another critical motivation. BDSM practices, particularly those involving sexual degradation, require a profound level of trust between partners. The act of consenting to and participating in such intimate and vulnerable activities can strengthen the bond between participants. This mutual trust is essential for ensuring that all parties feel safe and respected, creating a deeper emotional connection.

Exploring taboos is also a common reason why individuals engage in sexual degradation. Society often imposes strict norms and taboos around sexuality, and breaking these can be an exhilarating experience. For some, the act of transgressing these boundaries can be liberating, allowing them to explore parts of their identity that are usually suppressed.

Additionally, the thrill of pushing boundaries is a powerful motivator. BDSM practices, including sexual degradation, often involve testing personal limits and experiencing intense sensations. This thrill can be highly stimulating, both physically and mentally, as it pushes individuals beyond their comfort zones. The adrenaline rush associated with these activities can be addictive, drawing participants back for more.

Personal anecdotes and case studies further illustrate these motivations. For instance, one individual recounted how engaging in degradation allowed them to confront and overcome deep-seated insecurities, ultimately leading to greater self-acceptance. Another shared that the trust built through these practices significantly enhanced their relationship, fostering a level of intimacy they had never experienced before.

In summary, the personal motivations and desires behind engaging in sexual degradation within BDSM are multifaceted. Emotional release, trust-building, exploration of taboos, and the thrill of pushing boundaries all play crucial roles in why individuals choose to participate in these practices. These factors highlight the complex and deeply personal nature of BDSM, where the psychological and emotional aspects are as significant as the physical experiences.

Within the realm of BDSM, the significance of safety and consent cannot be overstated, especially when engaging in practices involving sexual degradation. Prioritizing these elements ensures that all parties involved have a mutually satisfying and psychologically safe experience. Clear and open communication is the foundation of any BDSM activity, and it is imperative to discuss desires, limits, and boundaries beforehand. This pre-negotiation phase allows participants to express their comfort levels and establish a consensual framework for the activities to follow.

Establishing boundaries is another critical aspect of engaging in sexual degradation. Participants should outline their hard limits—activities that are off the table under any circumstances—and soft limits—activities that may be negotiable under certain conditions. This helps to create a structured environment where everyone knows what to expect and can engage confidently. Safe words are also an essential tool in maintaining safety and consent. A safe word is a predetermined code used to communicate an immediate need to stop or pause the activity. Common safe words are often unrelated to the scene, such as “red” for stop and “yellow” for slow down, ensuring clarity during intense moments.

Aftercare is a crucial component following any BDSM session, but it is particularly vital after activities involving sexual degradation. Aftercare involves attending to the emotional and physical well-being of all participants, offering comfort, reassurance, and support. This phase helps to mitigate potential negative psychological impacts and fosters a sense of trust and connection. It may include cuddling, discussing the session, or simply spending time together in a calm environment.

Understanding the psychological impact of sexual degradation is also important. While many find these activities fulfilling, they can evoke complex emotions. Ongoing communication and mutual respect are essential in navigating these experiences safely. By adhering to these best practices, participants can enjoy the psychological and emotional benefits of BDSM while minimizing risks and fostering a consensual, respectful environment.

Incorporating Sexual Degradation into BDSM Scenes

Incorporating sexual degradation into BDSM scenes necessitates careful planning and open communication to ensure that all participants are comfortable and consenting. Sexual degradation is a nuanced aspect of BDSM, which can range from verbal humiliation to role-playing scenarios, each tailored to the desires and limits of those involved. Understanding the preferences and boundaries of everyone is crucial for a fulfilling and respectful experience.

One method to integrate sexual degradation is through verbal interactions. This can involve the use of derogatory language and name-calling, which should be pre-negotiated to avoid crossing personal boundaries. For instance, phrases like “worthless” or “dirty” might be used, but only if they align with the submissive’s comfort level. It’s essential to establish safe words or signals that can halt the scene immediately if it becomes too intense.

Role-playing scenarios can also be utilized to incorporate sexual degradation. Common scenarios include teacher-student dynamics, master-servant roles, or prisoner-guard situations, where the dominant assumes a position of authority. These scenarios often involve the submissive being given demeaning tasks or being placed in humiliating positions, which can be both mentally and physically engaging. Tailoring these scenes to the specific fantasies and boundaries of all participants ensures a positive experience.

Physical activities can also play a role in sexual degradation. Acts like spanking, forced nudity, or being led on a leash can enhance the feeling of degradation, provided they are consensual and desired by the submissive. Introducing these elements gradually and checking in regularly can help maintain a safe and enjoyable environment.

Ultimately, the key to incorporating sexual degradation into BDSM scenes lies in mutual respect and thorough communication. Discussing desires, limits, and potential triggers before engaging in any activity creates a foundation of trust and understanding. This careful approach allows for a more profound connection and a more satisfying experience for all parties involved.

Ethical Considerations and Misconceptions

When exploring the realm of sexual degradation in BDSM, it is crucial to distinguish between consensual degradation and abuse. Ethical considerations play a pivotal role in ensuring that all activities are conducted safely, consensually, and with respect for all parties involved. Consent is the cornerstone of BDSM practices; without it, any act of degradation can quickly spiral into abuse. Both participants must have a clear understanding and agreement of the boundaries and limits, ensuring that the experience is mutually satisfying and respectful.

One of the most common misconceptions about sexual degradation in BDSM is that it inherently involves harm or disrespect. In reality, these practices are grounded in trust and mutual respect. The individuals involved are often in continuous communication, checking in with each other to ensure that both parties feel comfortable and safe. This ongoing dialogue helps to further solidify the trust and understanding that underpins consensual BDSM activities.

Another prevalent myth is that those who engage in sexual degradation within BDSM are somehow psychologically damaged or seeking to inflict harm. On the contrary, many participants view these activities as a means of exploring their own boundaries and deepening their relationships. Far from being an indicator of psychological issues, consensual degradation can be a form of expression and intimacy that both parties find fulfilling.

It is also important to recognize the diversity within the BDSM community. Sexual degradation is not a one-size-fits-all practice; it varies widely depending on the preferences and consensual agreements of the individuals involved. What may be considered degrading to one person might be seen as an empowering experience by another. This highlights the importance of personalized negotiation and consent in any BDSM activity.

In summary, understanding the ethical considerations and debunking the misconceptions surrounding sexual degradation in BDSM is essential. By emphasizing consent, mutual respect, and clear communication, participants can ensure that their experiences are safe, consensual, and mutually enjoyable. This balanced perspective helps to demystify the practice and highlights the importance of ethical engagement in BDSM activities.

Resources for Further Learning and Support

For those interested in delving deeper into the complexities of sexual degradation within BDSM, numerous resources are available to enhance understanding and provide support. Below are some recommended avenues for further learning:

Books:

– The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy: This book offers insights into the submissive role, including aspects related to sexual degradation, and is a valuable resource for both beginners and experienced practitioners.

– Playing Well with Others by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams: Focusing on the social dynamics of BDSM, this book covers various aspects of consensual power exchange, including degradation and humiliation.

Websites:

-Our site Collarncuffs,com is an online platform offering educational videos and articles on various BDSM topics, including sexual degradation. Why not join the many here that share your interests.

– FetLife: A social networking site for the BDSM community, where users can join groups, participate in discussions, and find local events related to their interests. FL is the number one used site for local events.

Workshops and Professional Organizations:

– National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF): Offers workshops, resources, and support for individuals involved in consensual BDSM practices.

– Local BDSM groups and events: Many cities have local BDSM organizations that host workshops and events. These can be excellent opportunities to learn from experienced practitioners and connect with the community.

If professional help is needed, seeking out a therapist or counselor who is knowledgeable and affirming of BDSM practices can be essential. Organizations such as the Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) directory can help locate professionals who are familiar with and supportive of BDSM lifestyles.

By utilizing these resources, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of sexual degradation within BDSM, ensuring that their practices are safe, consensual, and fulfilling.

Resource Article MissBonnie 2024

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What Is Erotic Power Exchange?

Table of Contents

Erotic power exchange is any situation where partners, of their own free will and choice, actively and willfully incorporate the power element in their lovemaking (and usually for a great deal in their relationship). Erotic power exchange is best known as either BDSM, S&M, D/s or sadomasochism, but these terms are all too limited, incorrect and all too frequently confused with stereotypes and forms of mental illness, which is why we like to call it Erotic Power Exchange (EPE).

The Holistic Approach

Allow us to quickly explain our view and approach. Not in order to try and force you into any direction, but to explain where we are coming from, so you will have a better understanding about the way, this online educational facility has been set up.

Erotic power exchange is a situation that incorporates – or often even encloses – spirit, body and mind and as a result will have an effect on each of these three areas that, together, make up the human being. As a result, we try to approach each area of the art of erotic power exchange on each of these levels who – in order to create the wholeness of the human being – are equally important and all deserve their, individual, attention. Erotic power exchange can take any shape or form within a relationship. From little things like blindfolding her when making love to anything like 24 hours a day, 7 days a week servitude.

The shape and form it takes totally depends upon the fantasies, situation, preferences and boundaries of the partners involved. As long as it is informed consensual, safe, sane and voluntary it is called erotic power exchange. If any or all of these four elements are missing, it is called abuse.

Next, erotic power exchange requires a specific environment. Call it a biosphere, if you like. What it requires is a very sound, honest and sincere relationship, intense and open communication, trust, a lot of mutual understanding, an open mind, lots of love and care and a fair bit of creativity. Which does not mean the relationship necessarily has to be a long term one. Even within a one-night-stand or casual situation all these requirements must be there – albeit probably on a less intense level – to make things work.

People will often ask: what is wrong with straight sex? Why add things like power exchange. Well, there is nothing wrong with straight sex. But there are people – such as yourself – who want more out of their relationship. Maybe even more out of life. These are the people that will identify the power element, present in every relationship, and start to work with it, magnify it, play with it, explore and experiment. In every day life all of us have to deal with power. Your boss’ power or political power for example, but not all of us become bosses or politicians or even take an interest in management or politics. The same is true for power within the sexual/relational context. Some do, some don’t.

Giving away power to your partner can be an immense erotic sensation. Being tied up, relatively helpless and being launched by your partner into your own fantasies and dreams – some people call that sub space – can be thrilling, relaxing and revealing at the same time. Pain, tickling and all sorts of other impulses – when administered with care and skill – can pump up your endorphins, giving you the same sensation sports people will sometimes feel. On the other hand, the dominant partner will feel the adrenaline and serotonine flow freely through his or her body, giving them a very powerful feeling and very intense and caring emotion at the same time. No, the people that do it don’t need the power element to be able to have an orgasm or an interesting and rewarding relationship, but yes, they do need the power element to be present and used in their relationship.

An umbrella for lots of different things

Erotic power exchange is a very individual, personal experience. That is why it is very hard to describe what it is exactly. The only element all these people – and that includes you – have in common is the fact that – for their own individual reasons – they are fascinated by the power element in a sexual/relational context. What they do, how they do it and why may be completely different things. Erotic power exchange is an umbrella argument. One couple may fill it in as tying her up in bed, another may be fascinated by the idea of a “strange” man walking into the bedroom capturing her and a third may have a relationship where he serves her in any aspect. Many others will look for the spiritual and personal growths, this may bring about. Others are in it for the kink. All of that is quite all right, as long as it feels good for you and it brings you what you are looking for.

Erotic power exchange is like golf: it is highly individual, you are the master of your own game and you are also your own referee. It is entirely about what you want to do. You do not have to copy others. You do not even have to agree with what others do. It is your game, your thoughts, your emotions and your fantasies. It is what you and your (future) partner share. It is being able to explore the borders of your mind and imagination in a very safe environment.

To many people erotic power exchange is not just about sex, but a lifestyle. Most people that do it will recognize it as something very personal, something very much belonging to themselves. To many it is a way to express themselves.

A definition of Erotic Power Exchange

Probably the most dangerous thing to do is to try and come up with definitions of erotic power exchange. Usually this will lead to furious discussions. However, the POWERotics Internet discussion group (one of the largest in its kind) managed to agree on a definition that seems a workable one as well as one that a large group of (Maledom/femsub oriented) people can agree upon. This is the definition, agreed upon by this group, plus the relevant notes about it.

  • * Erotic power exchange is defined as: voluntary and informed consensual acts of power exchange between consenting adults.
  • Voluntary is defined as: not having received or being promised any – financial or non-financial – incentive or reward in order to try and coerce or force any of the partners involved into actions they would not consent to without such reward or incentive; not otherwise being forced or coerced (either through physical, mental, economical or social force or overpowering) into actions any of the partners involved otherwise would not consent to, of the own free will of all partners involved.
  • Informed consensual is defined as: partners involved – prior to the act – have chosen voluntary to enter into acts of erotic power exchange and all partners involved – to the best of their knowledge – have made a serious effort to establish all other partners involved have a reasonable level of understanding of both the activities, they consented to, as well as the potential consequences and risks of such activities.
  • Adults are defined as: of legal age in their area or country. Should such legal age be under 18 years of age, adult is defined as 18 years of age or older.All of the above may sound a little over the top to you – and in fact, to a certain extent we agree. However, it IS the first ever attempt to come up with a definition that is workable and that, although probably a little bit too “legal” for those inside the community, makes perfectly clear where the lines are drawn between consensual erotic power exchange on one end and abuse or outright sick or criminal behavior on the other

Stigma & Truth

There are all sorts of knockdowns on the subject of erotic power exchange around, all of them often used by legislators as well as others who oppose erotic power exchange. All of these are based on assumed psychological or psychiatric “knowledge” or “facts”. The fact of the matter is that none of these are actually true or proven. We have collected the most common ones around and compared them with the real facts.

“Once you start, you will want more and more”

This is what pseudo-experts will introduce as the “stepping stone theory”.

In other words, once you have tasted the effects of, for example, pain, you will want more and more of it and it will end in excessive behavior and addiction. In fact there is no “stepping stone theory” (the term originates from research into the causes of drug-addiction in the late 1960’s and by the way the theory didn’t work in that area either) as far as erotic power exchange is concerned.

Fact number two is this. Like almost anything about erotic power exchange, there is hardly any serious and published scientific research on this subject. Next, nearly all research commonly referred to as being about EPE has been research done in individual cases or extremely small groups. Any conclusions, based on such research, are not valid for the entire group for simple statistical and mathematical reasons only, if nothing else. Research has predominantly been done by psychiatrists and psychologists – into cases that almost all relate to direct questions for help or significant health-related problems. And the objective of almost all of these articles is to promote the therapy of that particular therapist. General sociological research in the area of erotic power exchange is rare and, if available, has been done predominantly in the gay community or with such small – and country or area specific – research groups that it is impossible to draw any general conclusions in a responsible way.

Fact number three is that the reality of erotic power exchange shows an entirely different picture. People who are into erotic power exchange will usually start to experiment with it and in this experimental phase will usually want to explore all possibilities. As time progresses their emotions will settle down, pieces of the puzzle will fall into place and their wants and needs – once explored and identified – will settle down to the level that usually corresponds with the fantasies people originally had.

“The need to go into power exchange always hides a traumatic experience”

This knockdown is based on Freud who, as we all know, tried to explore the relationship between all sorts of human behavior – not only the sexual behavior – and (early) childhood experiences. His method is called psycho-analysis and in modern psychology is considered outdated and largely irrelevant. Although it is a fact that some people who are into erotic power exchange have a history of abuse or childhood trauma, a general connection has never been established. What may be true in individual cases most certainly is not true as a general argument. What research did establish is that there are no significant differences between the number of people with traumatic experiences in the erotic power exchange community than there are in any other group.

More recent research points to both genetic influences as well as to a creative and inquisitive mindset as factors that may be of influence to the development of erotic power exchange feelings and emotions. However, this research is far from finalized and in fact again is only limited to individual cases, like most of the scientific research done in this area.

Another – relatively new – area that may play a role is the influence of endorphins. Endorphins are hormones, natural opiates, produced by the body and commonly known as “emotion” amino acids. Different mixtures of different types of endorphins will create different emotions. Some of these mixtures are created as a result of fear, stress and pain. What role they play when it comes to the development of erotic power exchange emotions is yet unknown.

“The need for power exchange points to a stern upbringing”

Again a “semi-Freudian” misconception and based on one case of one man, researched and published about by Freud.

The fact of the matter is that most of the people who are into erotic power exchange have had a perfectly normal youth and upbringing and the majority come from families where sexuality was a subject that could be discussed freely and openly. Again there may be individual cases where people had a stern – or sometimes very religious – upbringing but whether or not there are any connections between upbringing and erotic power exchange emotions in general is yet to be determined and probably very unlikely as far as the development of the emotions as such is concerned.

“People into erotic power exchange can not find full sexual satisfaction in other ways”

This is an outright lie, based on research done in cases of excessive clinical sadism and masochism (i.e. the mental illnesses). It is true that the severe mental distortions usually described as sadism and masochism may (but not always do) show this type of behavior. Erotic power exchange, however, has nothing to do with mental distortions but with perfectly normal erotic/sexual behavior between perfectly normal, well-adjusted, responsible adults.

People into erotic power exchange will usually consider their feelings and emotions important and will identify erotic power exchange as a lifestyle, but that does not mean they have a compulsive need. The lack of compulsive behavior in fact is what separates erotic power exchange from clinical sadists and masochists.

In fact in many cases people will identify their erotic power exchange emotions as entirely different from sexual emotions or – for example – an orgasm.

“Dominant men are just male chauvinists”

The fact of the matter is that the majority of dominant men are very caring, loving and open minded people – as are most dominant women by the way. The position of the dominant in erotic power exchange by definition requires a lot of understanding, caring, trust and most of all a great interest in the wants and needs and emotions of the submissive partner. What to the outsider may seem a very strict, direct, powerful and maybe sometimes somewhat aggressive looking macho man in fact is only role play, using symbols and role behavior but underneath is almost always a very caring person. The average submissive partner, when asked, will usually describe the dom as understanding – generally knowing more about his submissive partner than (s)he does (or did) him or herself – supportive, careful, loving and protective.

“Submissive women betray the movement for women’s rights”

Being submissive and allowing these emotions to come out is a very self-confident statement and decision as well as a difficult and scary process. Submissive women are usually very self aware and are making very conscious decisions about their submissiveness. They are anything but “doormats” and have – generally speaking – gone through a long process of identifying and accepting themselves as well as their submissive feelings and emotions.

Just as dominant erotic behavior is not an indication of general dominance, neither is submissiveness an indication that the (wo)men will display submissiveness in every day life. Usually they will be anything but submissive, although it is a fact that as long as submissive emotions have not settled down, submissive women especially sometimes may have trouble separating some of their submissive feelings from other things. The argument itself originates from hard line feminist activists who – predominantly out of fear for unwanted influence – try to separate women from other opinions than the ones such activists have.

“People who are dominant in every day life are submissive in bed and vice versa”

Sexual/erotic behavior is usually not an indication for any other form of social behavior, neither are there any proven links between the two. Dominants can have both dominant as well as non-dominant positions in every day life and the same goes for submissive’s. A female executive can be submissive in the bedroom, a male nurse can be dominant. The above statement is a classic example of stereotyping, mainly based on pornography and stories from prostitutes who – through indicating they have “socially important or significant customers” – in fact try to market their profession and often use arguments like these in a rather naive effort to gain more social acceptance and respect for their trade.

“Erotic power exchange is dangerous”

There are all sorts of stories around about accidents, that happened during erotic power exchange sessions. The most “famous” one around is the story about the man who – after cuffing his wife to the bed – climbed the nearest cupboard in an effort to jump on her, broke both his legs, fell into the locked closet and the couple had to wait for two days before help arrived. This story – like many others – is around in almost all countries and – like nearly all others – is a tall story. Of course, anything one does without sufficient knowledge can be risky or even dangerous. The truth of the matter is that safe, sane, voluntary and informed consensual erotic power exchange is perfectly safe, provided people know what they are doing.

Early Recollection

The vast majority (over 50 percent) of the people actively nurturing erotic power exchange emotions recollect fantasies about power role play at an early age, prior to their 18th birthday. Just about half of this group (in other words 25 percent of all BDSM-people) recollects having such fantasies before the age of twelve – quite frequently as early as six or seven.

Research by the POWERotics Foundation shows women usually recollect erotic power exchange fantasies and emotions earlier than men on average. Recollections of fantasies and emotions before the age of 12 for example are more frequent (24%) in the female group (men 16%). Very recent recollections, after their 18th birthday, are more frequent in the male group: 22% as opposed to only 5% in the female group.

There are no real differences when it comes to the importance of personal fantasies. Between 40 and 45 percent of both groups indicate that it have been these fantasies that triggered their erotic power exchange emotions. The same goes for the influence of books and general media on the development of such emotions. Around 20 percent of both groups indicate this as a trigger. There are, however, big differences when it comes to the influence of the Internet. Almost twice as many young women (15% opposed to 8%) name the Internet as a trigger of their emotions, whereas almost twice as many young men (11% versus 6%) say they have been influenced by pornography. It is important to notice however that the influence of both the Internet and pornography are only of minor influence, when compared to other triggers such as private fantasies and general media.

Young women in general consider erotic power exchange of a greater importance in their lives than young men. 53% of the young women consider it to be either a very important or the most important thing in their lives, whereas 44% of the men consider it important but have other priorities as well. Slightly more young men (12%) than women (10%) see erotic power exchange as just a kick.



©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm.He the chairman for the www.powerotics.com Foundation. This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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