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Submissive Rules: A Complete Guide to Setting Rules for Male Subs (With Examples)

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Introduction to Submissive Rules in Femdom BDSM Relationships

Submissive rules play a pivotal role in Femdom BDSM (Female Dominant) relationships, serving as the cornerstone for establishing a controlled and consensual dynamic between the Dominant and the submissive. These rules are not mere guidelines but are instead carefully crafted regulations that define the behavior, responsibilities, and boundaries within the relationship. They help create a structured environment where both parties can engage in their respective roles with clarity and mutual understanding.

Just so we’re all on the same page, rules for a subs are expectations of duties, tasks or services you want your submissive to perform on a regular basis, without you explicitly having to tell them.
They are set by the Domme, creating a somewhat of a structure to the relationship.
Rules create a proactive envoirment and not a reactive one (not waiting to be told, instructed or ordered to)
Rules are varied, depend upon your style of dominance and submission, and any list of rules you create will naturally evolve over time. In my time, our rules have morphed tens of times. Some have stayed the same.
Less rules are easier to maintain consistency. Consistency is what submissive crave.

The significance of submissive rules in Femdom BDSM relationships cannot be overstated. For the Femdom, these rules provide a framework to exercise control, ensure compliance, and enhance the overall power dynamic. For the submissive, the rules offer a clear sense of purpose and direction, allowing them to better focus on pleasing and serving their Dominant. Through these explicitly defined expectations, both parties can navigate their roles more effectively, which in turn fosters a deeper level of trust, respect, and intimacy. This helps to create the power exchange.

Furthermore, these rules are crucial for establishing boundaries and ensuring safety within the relationship. By clearly laying out what is allowed/permissible and what is not, both the Dominant and the submissive can engage in their dynamic without fear of overstepping boundaries or encountering unexpected situations. This level of transparency is essential for maintaining consent and preventing any potential misunderstandings or conflicts.

Whether you are new to the Femdom BDSM scene or an experienced practitioner, this guide will provide you with valuable insights and practical tips on creating an effective and enjoyable set of submissive rules for your male submissive. From basic rules on daily behavior to more intricate protocols for specific scenarios, our comprehensive guide aims to help you foster a respectful, fulfilling, and consensual power dynamic in your Femdom BDSM relationship.

Understanding Submissive Rules

Submissive rules are fundamental components within a dominant-submissive (D/s) relationship, intended to establish clear boundaries and expectations for the submissive partner. At their core, these rules are designed to promote discipline, obedience, and trust between the dominant (Domme) and submissive (sub). By providing a framework within which the sub operates, submissive rules ensure a structured environment that can foster growth and mutual understanding.

It is important to differentiate between rules and commands in the context of a D/s relationship. Rules are pre-established guidelines that the submissive is expected to adhere to consistently. They cover various aspects of behavior and interaction, ensuring that the sub maintains a certain level of conduct and conformity. Commands, on the other hand, are specific directives given by the Domme, often requiring immediate action or response. While commands may be temporary or situational, rules are ongoing and persistent, forming the bedrock of behavioral expectations.

Commands you give are one-off instructions which only apply then and there.
For example, “you’re cooking dinner tonight pick three recipes for me to choose from” is a command. It’s situational depending upon your wants as a Dominant at that moment in time.
However, if you find yourself wanting your sub to cook for you often, then you can make this command into a formal rule such as
Every Friday you should text me three meal choices, and once I’ve chosen, you’ll cook it for me that evening.

The primary purpose of submissive rules is to provide structure and support, enabling the sub to thrive within the relationship. These rules serve as a guiding compass, defining acceptable actions and behaviors while reinforcing the dynamic power exchange between the Domme and sub. When implemented thoughtfully, submissive rules not only promote obedience and discipline but also bolster the sub’s sense of security and trust in the Dominants leadership.

Furthermore, these rules can encompass a wide range of areas, from daily routines and personal care to communication protocols and specific rituals. By adhering to such rules, subs demonstrate their commitment to the relationship and their willingness to surrender control to their Dom. Ultimately, a well-crafted set of submissive rules can help cultivate a deep, fulfilling bond, where both partners feel respected, valued, and deeply connected.

Here’s another example. The command “Tonight you will pleasure me with your tongue” could become any number of rules:
If you wake up before me on the weekend, you should lick me till I tell you to stop!
If I’m watching TV and remove my panties, you are expected to lick me until I say you can stop.
When I return home your first words should be “would Mistress like an Orgasm?”
These are all rules because they happen each and every time the situation arises without exception.

Who Are Submissive Rules Really For?

Submissive rules play a pivotal role in the dynamic between Dominants and their submissives, particularly male subs. These guidelines are not arbitrarily set but thoughtfully crafted to bring out the best in both participants of a consensual power exchange relationship. Understanding who benefits from submissive rules is instrumental in appreciating their value and function.

For male subs, submissive rules serve as a foundation that provides clear expectations and a sense of security. By knowing exactly what is expected of them, subs can fully immerse themselves in their role, reducing ambiguity and potential stress. These rules outline the behaviors, actions, and responsibilities that are acceptable, helping subs to navigate their dynamic with confidence and clarity. The sense of accountability and structure can also be profoundly fulfilling for subs, as it reaffirms their commitment to the relationship and their Dominant. This structure often leads to personal growth, as it challenges subs to meet and occasionally surpass the set expectations.

Conversely, Dominants also reap significant benefits from the establishment of submissive rules. These rules provide a structured framework through which Dominants can exert control, manage behavior, and enhance the dynamics of the relationship. With clear guidelines in place, Dominants can focus on leading and nurturing their subs without the noise of uncertainty and miscommunication. The rules act as a tool for reinforcing authority and ensuring that the relationship aligns with the consensual power dynamics both parties have agreed upon. This structure also serves as a touchstone, allowing Dominants to address any deviations from established norms in a manner that is fair yet firm.

Overall, submissive rules are for both the Dominant and the submissive, forming the backbone of a healthy, consensual relationship based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared objectives. They ensure that both parties’ needs and boundaries are met while fostering an environment of trust and growth. The implementation of these rules solidifies the relationship dynamic, making it more resilient and rewarding for everyone involved.

You might think the rules you give to your submissive are designed to make him/her do what you want. That’s partly true, but doesn’t capture the entire essence of what their purpose is

SOME rules are just that. Things that make your life as a dominant easier, as well as things you want sexually.

However, you should also remember that your role as a dominant is to care for and help your sub grow as a person. And therefore you probably want some rules for your sub which are designed to encourage that.

For example, a basic sub rule that only addresses your pleasure might be:

  • When I return home from work I expect a glass of water/coffee/beverage of choice to be waiting for me.

Whereas a rule designed to nurture her as a person might be:

  • At least once a week you should spend an hour alone reading your favourite book.

This rule would be perfect for a submissive who is unable to switch off, gets stressed easily, or is not good at taking care of himself because he is constantly making sure you, and other people, are cared for.

You may also want rules which serve to grow your relationship.

  • Every Sunday evening you will write down three things that could be improved in our relationship and read them to me.

This would help you understand where you might be able to improve aspects of yourself, things which you may not be able to see without another’s perspective.

So remember, rules you give your submissive don’t only have to be sexual and for your pleasure. They may also:

  • Help him/her relax
  • Help you notice areas you could improve upon
  • Identify relationship weaknesses to improve
  • Help him/her achieve what they wants in life
  • Calm and relax him/her
  • Keep him/her focused and in the present moment
  • Learn a new skill
  • Do things which you know you’ll both benefit from (e.g. research our next play toy or holiday designation, pick out three outfits for me you think I’d look good in. find me those pink heels I’ve been looking for, etc )

When to Set Rules for Your Sub

Establishing submissive rules at the onset of a Dominant/submissive relationship is crucial for laying a solid foundation. Early rule-setting provides clear expectations and helps in developing trust and understanding. When both parties agree on the boundaries and responsibilities, it fosters a more cohesive dynamic from the beginning. Introducing rules early on allows the submissive to immerse themselves in their role with clarity and purpose, enhancing the relationship’s overall harmony.

However, setting rules should not be a one-time event; it is a gradual process that unfolds as the relationship grows and evolves. Initially, focus on fundamental rules that address the core aspects of the dynamic, such as communication protocols, daily routines, and behavior expectations. These basics serve as a scaffold, supporting the submissive in their new role and allowing them to adjust comfortably.

As the relationship develops, regular review and adjustments of these rules are imperative. Situations change, as do the needs and desires of both the Dominant and the submissive. Periodic evaluations ensure that the rules remain relevant and effective. This ongoing process also allows for the introduction of more complex rules over time. It’s important to be receptive to the submissive’s feedback during these reviews, as their comfort and willingness play a significant role in the sustained success of the relationship.

Introducing changes or new rules should be approached with open communication. Gradual implementation helps in managing the submissive’s adaptation process, avoiding overwhelming them with too many changes at once. Every new rule should be clearly explained, detailing the reasons behind it and the expected outcomes. This transparency not only cements the submissive’s understanding but also enhances their commitment to adhere to the rules.

Setting and Wording Submissive Rules

Establishing effective submissive rules is a nuanced process that necessitates a thoughtful approach from the Dominant. The primary objective is to create a structure that enhances the dynamic while also respecting the needs and boundaries of the submissive. The first step in setting these rules is open and transparent communication between the Dominant and the submissive. Both parties must engage in an honest dialogue to discuss their expectations, desires, and limits. This ensures that all rules are mutually understood and agreed upon, forming the foundation of a harmonious relationship dynamic.

When phrasing submissive rules, clarity is of utmost importance. Rules should be explicit, leaving no room for ambiguity. For example, instead of stating “be respectful,” a more specific instruction such as “always address the Dominant as ‘Mistress/Ma’am/insert own variable here’ unless instructed otherwise” provides clarity and eliminates potential misunderstandings. Clear language fosters a sense of security and predictability, which is crucial for the submissive’s comfort and adherence to the established rules.

In addition to clear wording, it is vital to consider the unique needs and limits of the submissive. Each individual has their boundaries, and it is the Dominant’s responsibility to respect and integrate these limits into the rule-setting process.

Understanding aspects such as the submissive’s emotional triggers, daily routines, and personal commitments will allow the Dominant to craft rules that are not only enforceable but also respectful of the submissive’s well-being. For instance, a rule concerning daily check-ins might be adjusted to accommodate the submissive’s work schedule, ensuring it is feasible and not burdensome.

The dynamic of the relationship also plays a significant role in rule-setting. Whether the relationship is oriented more towards power exchange, caretaking, or discipline, the rules should reflect and support this dynamic. They should serve as tools to strengthen the bond and enhance the shared experiences of the Dominant and submissive. Regularly revisiting and revising the rules is another key aspect, ensuring that they remain relevant and effective as the relationship evolves. The process of setting and wording submissive rules is thus an ongoing, collaborative effort that adapts to the needs and growth of both parties involved.

A basic sub rule for one submissive, might not suit another!

When I started on my journey to being a Domme and looking for submissive man to date, I wasn’t sure what basic rules for a sub I should be using? My journey started pre internet but even as time moved on and the BBoards of old came about, I still wasn’t 100% sure.

Today thankfully, there are many articles on the internet that list all the basic rules for a sub you could use, but they were somewhat scattered and seem to be offering different levels of authority. You can still find yourself fishing many websites, copying and pasting into word processors, and then categorising, rewording, and adding yourown own.

Some of the rules for the subs were not compatible with my style of play. As an example, a basic rule for a submissive slave-style relationship might be:

  • Slave should not speak to his Mistress unless spoken to

Whilst I might set this as a rule if I was to run a high protocol BDSM scene as a one-off, it isn’t something I would want enforced all day every day. I like conversation. I want to hear opinions. Companionship as well as service is what I crave!

Some basic rules for submissives I read were spot on, and did reflect my kinks and fetishes and my desire for a partner. For example, the rule below appeals to me very much but maybe it doesn’t to you.

  • He will make his body available to Her for use whenever she desires

For myself the above is one that I would consider a basic for a sub in the type of dynamic I want/have.

Which all goes to show, that one basic rule for a sub in one D/s relationship isn’t the same for another. Not only do you have to factor in the type of dominant you are and the type of submissive he is, but you also need to think about your experience levels.

If your submissive has been practising BDSM for years, then what he considers a basic sub rule is probably going to be different from what a beginner submissive deems basic.

As an example, the rule:

  • He must wear a butt plug for at least one hour day day

might seem impossible and downright scary as a rule for a beginner sub. But for a more experience sub, he may look at that and say ‘Only an hour?’ WTF?

Likewise, the submissive might have a hard limit when it comes to anal play, regardless of his experience level. And so any basic sub rules which the dominant wants to do with anal must be taken off the table. Hard limits are NOT negotiable and consent matters.

Deciding on your list of basic rules for is a matter of personal preference, and the list you have with one submissive may not be the list or rules you use for another submissive. This is YOUR submissive, not someones elses. Set rules for you and yours and ignore others.

Your list will most likely also evolve over time as your Domme sub relationship evolves. Remember you can always ADD, subtracting or forgetting rules doesn’t make a Domme look very good.

When and how to set submissive rules

When should you set your sub rules? Do you write them down on a piece of paper? Store them electronically? Tell them to your sub one by one?

In my situation after a few plays and getting to know each other and preferences, both sexually and generally. I usually begin formatting my rules. I also incorporated rules from a previous Domme sub relationship which I enjoyed. I then listed out the submissive rules in a document on my computer.

My sub and I then talked through the list or rules, so I could check if there were any he didn’t think she’d be able to follow, or had hesitations about. Remember your submissive has opinions too!

I obviously want him to ENJOY following the rules (remember being a dominant is not just about serving yourself) which is why these discussions and good communication is important.

Submissives that have served another in the past might also have ideas for rules, perhaps from previous Domme, or perhaps just something they enjoy doing for you and it brings them pleasure. Those should be added to the list if you find them pleasing.

After some back and forth you’ll start forming a good starting list of rules for your sub, and you’ll both be in agreement on them. Negotiating isn’t hard with open communication.

Some Rule Ideas to get you started

If your style of dominance is less S&M and more caring, nurturing, whilst also incorporating elements of service, and a strong sex element.

Here is the list of rules we started for everyday use:

  1. I will make my body available to Her for use at any time, and act as Her sexual plaything. 
  2. I will learn to worship and crave Her strapon, relishing every opportunity to please it.
  3. I will respond with “Thank you, Mistress/My Lady/name of your choice” after every orgasm I have in Her presence.
  4. I will learn the list of voice commands (given previously) and adopt the positions quickly and accurately when instructed.
  5. I will take the time to communicate my thoughts and feelings, preferably in written form, so She knows which parts of my service I enjoy and which areas can be improved.
  6. I will keep hair free for Her viewing pleasure. Clipped is acceptable.
  7. My orgasms belong to Her. I shall not have one without first asking her permission.
  8. My ass belongs to Mistress. I give her full permission to use at any time of the day or night. Mistress will always ask if there is any issues prior.
  9. I will practise anal training until I can take Mistress strapon cock with ease. 
  10. I will accompany her to kink events when requested
  11. At home I shall be naked at all times, unless otherwise requested. Weather allowing.
  12. I shall think up creative ways to show Her my submissive side when She’s not around over text or email. 
  13. I will learn her routines and do everything I can to anticipate her needs and provide assistance through service. This may include everything from sexual services to housework and chauffeuring.
  14. I understand that failure to comply with these rules will result in punishment and re-training. Punishment will depend on the severity of the infraction.

I prefer to keep the list short and add rules onto the list as and when I think of something I don’t like doing, something I want sexually, or something I feel my sub needs in order to grow. As my sub learns the new rules I re-enforce their positive behaviour with rewards (a part of their submissive training).

Your list of rules for your submissive may be even shorter, and that’s absolutely fine, even encouraged, if you are just starting out. It’s better to have one rule which is enforced and you both enjoy, than 100 where only a handful are followed haphazardly.

Categories of Submissive Rules

Below is a list of submissive rules which you can use to get ideas. As always, pick the ones what most suit the type of dominant you are and best suit the Domme sub relationship you have.

I’ve prefixed each rule with the main category it belongs to. Some rules fall into multiple rules, but you get the idea.

Setting rules for male submissives is an essential part of establishing a clear and structured dynamic within a BDSM relationship. These guidelines not only define expectations but also maintain the Dominant’s control and ensure the submissive’s compliance. Submissive rules can be categorized into several distinct groups, each addressing different aspects of behavior and interaction.

General Rules

General rules are the foundation of submissive behavior and include basic expectations that must be adhered to at all times. These might encompass manners, communication protocols, and respect. For instance, a sub might be required to always address the Dominant with a specific title, respond promptly to messages, or maintain a respectful tone in all interactions.

House Rules

House rules pertain to the submissive’s domestic responsibilities and behavior within the home. These could include tasks like daily household chores, maintaining personal hygiene to the Dominant’s standards, or following a set schedule. An example of a house rule is ensuring the home is tidy at all times or preparing meals at specified times.

Public Rules

Public rules dictate the submissive’s conduct in social settings. These rules ensure the submissive upholds certain behaviors that reflect the Dominant’s wishes even when not in a private setting. Examples might include not speaking unless spoken to, maintaining a specific physical posture, or displaying subtle signs of submission such as wearing a discreet collar.

Slave Rules

Slave rules are more intense and might be applied to a deeper level of servitude. These rules often involve detailed protocols regarding obedience and service. For example, a submissive might be required to perform rituals, adhere to a more extensive dress code, or submit to more rigorous forms of discipline and training.

Remote Rules

Remote rules are essential for maintaining the power dynamic when the Dominant and submissive are not physically together. These rules might include checking in at certain times, completing tasks, or following digital communication protocols. An example would be the submissive sending a morning and evening report of their activities and feelings.

Sex Rules

Sex rules define permissible sexual behaviors and activities. These rules ensure that all sexual interactions are consensual and within the boundaries set by the Dominant. Examples might include granting permission before engaging in any sexual activity, following specific instructions regarding sexual positions, or adhering to guidelines on self-pleasure.

Examples of Submissive Rules for Beginners

Setting clear and concise submissive rules is essential for a fulfilling and respectful D/s relationship. For beginner male subs, these rules facilitate structure and provide a foundation for their submissive journey. Below are a few examples of submissive rules that cater to various aspects of the dynamic. These suggestions are adaptable to meet the unique needs and preferences of each relationship.

Daily Check-Ins

A daily check-in rule requires the submissive to provide a summary of their day to the Dominant. This practice fosters communication and accountability. For instance, “Every evening, you must text me a summary of your day, highlighting any challenges and victories.” This rule ensures that the submissive remains engaged and allows the Dominant to offer guidance and support.

Dress Code

Implementing a dress code can enhance the feeling of control and help the submissive embody their role. An example might be, “You will wear designated clothing on specific days as a sign of your submission.” This rule can be adjusted for various commitments or comfort levels, such as professional attire for workdays and more casual or symbolic garments at home. for EG I like my subs at home to be either naked where possible or in loose clothing (seasonal) that allow me easy access and a way to be discreet if required. For myself this was track pants (sweats) when my children where still at home. Track Pants offered easy access and discreet access when needed. They didn’t look out of place and suited our needs wonderfully!

Manners and Etiquette

Manners rules can instill a sense of decorum and respect. A basic rule might include, “You must always address me as ‘My love’ or ‘Madam,’ and use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in all requests.” This reinforces the Dominant’s authority and enhances mutual respect within the dynamic.

Personal Hygiene and Self-Care

Ensuring the submissive maintains good hygiene and self-care routines is another important rule. For example, “You must perform a daily grooming and self-care routine, including showering, brushing teeth, and grooming facial hair.” This rule ensures the submissive’s well-being and preparedness to serve. But this rule also gives a submissive a sense of self worth and pride in themselves by always looking their personal best for ME.

Curfews and Schedules

Setting a curfew helps maintain order and discipline. A typical curfew rule might be, “You must be home by 10 PM on weekdays, except with prior approval.” This structure reinforces the Dominant’s control over the submissive’s time, ensuring predictability and reliability in their conduct.

Review and Adaptation of Submissive Rules

The process of reviewing and adapting submissive rules is integral to maintaining their effectiveness and relevance within a Femdom BDSM relationship. Regular check-ins between the Dominant and submissive are essential for assessing the impact of these rules. These check-ins provide an opportunity for both parties to discuss any challenges that may have arisen and to identify areas where adjustments might be necessary. Open communication during these sessions is paramount, allowing both the Dominant and submissive to express their feelings, concerns, and feedback in a safe and respectful environment.

A critical facet of this ongoing review process is the recognition that flexibility is necessary for the rules to remain pertinent and practical. Life circumstances, personal growth, and evolving dynamics within the relationship can all necessitate rule modifications. It is important to remember that the primary objective of these rules is to enhance the bond between the Dominant and submissive, promoting a healthy and dynamic connection. As such, the ability to adapt these regulations when needed ensures that the relationship remains fulfilling for both parties involved.

Effective adaptation of submissive rules starts with setting a regular schedule for reviews. Whether these reviews occur weekly, monthly, or quarterly, what matters is establishing a consistent pattern that both parties can rely on. During these sessions, discussing the perceived impact of current rules and any shifts in personal needs or desires is crucial. Identifying rules that may need tightening or loosening, adding new stipulations, or removing outdated ones are all part of the dynamic adjustment process.

Ultimately, the continuous review and adaptation process underscores the importance of communication and mutual respect in a Femdom BDSM relationship. Ensuring that submissive rules are continuously aligned with the needs and preferences of both the Dominant and the submissive is a testament to the strength and resilience of the bond they share. By remaining open to change and prioritizing dialogue, couples can navigate the complexities of their relationship, fostering a harmonious and evolving dynamic.

I like to give my sub rules which make my life better, his life better, our sex life better, and work towards building something we both love doing.

I suggest you show this article to your sub and go through the process of creating rules together. Take the rules which jump out at you, get you a little bit excited or intrigued, and begin incorporating them into your daily life.

And if you’ve got some submissive rules you love but I haven’t listed (I’m sure you will have because there are infinite possibilities after all so ), leave them in the comments.

Good luck, make this your own and have FUN with it!

Resource Article : MissBonnie 2024

Additional related onsite resources and articles:

D/s Contracts – What are D/s contracts? and how do D/s contracts work?

Negotiations are a crucial part of the contract process, allowing parties to discuss and reach mutually agreeable terms. Here are some techniques and guides to help you navigate the negotiation process:

Contract Sample 1 

An example of a simple D/s contract. just remember BDSM contacts are not legally binding in a court of law

Contract Sample 2 

A more complicated example of a M/s contract

Contract Sample 3

An example of a temporary BDSM poly contract.

BDSM Rights 

Know your rights with a Femdom relationship.

Safewords 

Do you know your safe word with your Mistress/submissive?

SSC v’s RACK 

Safe, sane and consensual V’s Risk-Aware Consensual Kink

Limits & negotiations

Both Dominants and submissives can express limits. What are your partners?

Partner check list

When it comes to engaging in BDSM activities, communication and consent are key. One effective tool that can help facilitate this is a BDSM partner checklist. This checklist is a comprehensive list of activities, preferences, limits, and boundaries that each partner can fill out and discuss together. It serves as a starting point to get to know your partner on a deeper level and establish open lines of communication.

Abuse and P.E 

Abuse and erotic power exchange, know the dangers. A contract is a (non legal) binding agreement between two or more parties that outlines the rights and obligations of each party involved. It establishes the terms and conditions of the agreement or relationship, ensuring that all parties are aware of their responsibilities and the consequences of not fulfilling them.

Navigating Consent in Kink: More Than Just Agreement

Consent holds a foundational position within the kink community. Much more than a cursory agreement, it involves a detailed process of granting permission and establishing boundaries for specific acts, scenarios, or situations. Explicit consent distinguishes consensual play from coercion and abuse, ensuring that all parties involved are willingly participating and comfortable with the parameters set forth.


Explicit Implicit 

Explicit Consent / Implicit consent Play considerately and consensually. Prepare and Research: Before entering into negotiations, it is essential to gather information about the other party, their needs, and their expectations. This will help you formulate a strong position and understand potential areas of compromise.
Set Clear Objectives: Clearly define your goals and priorities for the negotiation. This will help you stay focused and avoid getting sidetracked during the process.
Active Listening: Pay close attention to the other party’s concerns and interests. By actively listening, you can identify common ground and find solutions that meet both parties’ needs.
Flexibility: Be open to compromise and alternative solutions. Negotiations often involve give and take, and being flexible can lead to a more successful outcome.

Want some printable contracts and helpful negotiation forms?. Our Femdom Community has more covering many different areas and styles.
In fact we just added an assortment of sample downloadable contacts such as puppy play, sissy maid service, chastity all free and customizable.

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New Ways to Dominate Your Man: Bringing Femdom into the Bedroom for Beginners

silhouette of man holding flashlight

Understanding Femdom: A Beginner’s Guide. Shining a light!

Femdom, short for female dominance, refers to a dynamic where the woman assumes a dominant role over her partner. This form of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) encompasses a wide range of activities and practices, tailored to the preferences and boundaries of those involved. The essence of femdom lies in the consensual power exchange, where the dominant woman (Domme) takes control, and the submissive partner willingly yields authority.

The dynamics of femdom are rooted in mutual respect and clear communication. Both parties must discuss their limits, desires, and boundaries to create a safe and fulfilling experience. Consent is paramount; it ensures that all activities are agreed upon and that the submissive partner feels secure and respected. Proper communication helps in establishing trust, which is crucial for deepening intimacy within the relationship.

The practice of femdom can significantly enhance the emotional connection between partners. By exploring power dynamics and pushing personal boundaries, couples often find a new level of understanding and empathy for each other. This exploration can lead to heightened levels of trust, fostering a more profound and genuine bond.

Historically, the concept of female dominance is not new. Ancient civilizations, such as the Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans, have documented instances of women in dominant roles. In modern times, the rise of feminist movements and the evolution of societal norms have contributed to a broader acceptance and understanding of femdom. It has transformed from a taboo subject to an empowering expression of sexuality and personal freedom.

Understanding femdom requires an open mind and a willingness to explore non-traditional relationship dynamics. It is an evolving practice that invites couples to redefine power and intimacy on their own terms. By prioritizing consent, communication, and trust, femdom can be a rewarding and enriching aspect of any relationship.

Communicating Desires and Boundaries

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful femdom relationship. Openly discussing desires and boundaries can foster a deeper connection and ensure that both partners feel safe and respected. Initiating a conversation about femdom may seem daunting, but approaching it with honesty and sensitivity can pave the way for mutual understanding and exploration.

Begin by choosing a comfortable and private setting where both of you can speak freely. Express your interest in femdom by sharing what excites you about it and how you envision it enhancing your relationship. It’s essential to be clear and specific about your desires, providing examples if necessary. Encouraging your partner to share his fantasies and boundaries will help you understand his perspective and build a foundation of trust.

Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of any femdom relationship. Discussing limits ensures that both partners feel secure and respected. Establishing safe words is an effective way to maintain control while allowing for immediate communication if something becomes uncomfortable or overwhelming. Safe words can be simple, such as “red” for stop and “yellow” for slow down, enabling both partners to navigate their experiences confidently.

Mutual respect is paramount in a femdom relationship. Recognizing and valuing each other’s boundaries fosters a safe and enjoyable environment. Regular check-ins can help monitor comfort levels and adjust activities as needed. This ongoing dialogue reinforces trust and ensures that both partners are continually aligned in their desires and boundaries.

By prioritizing open communication, you can explore femdom dynamics in a way that is both thrilling and respectful. Understanding each other’s boundaries and establishing clear guidelines will create a harmonious and fulfilling experience for both partners. Remember, the key to a successful femdom relationship lies in the mutual respect and trust that open communication fosters.

Building Confidence as a Dominant

Developing confidence in your role as a dominant partner is crucial for creating a fulfilling femdom experience. The journey begins with self-affirmation, an essential step in embracing your new role. Start each day with positive affirmations, such as “I am confident, powerful, and in control.” Repeating these statements can significantly boost your self-esteem and help solidify your dominant persona.

Practicing assertiveness is another vital aspect. Begin by setting clear boundaries in various aspects of your life, and communicate your needs firmly yet respectfully. Engage in small exercises to enhance your assertive communication skills, such as making decisions in daily activities or expressing your opinions in group settings. These practices can gradually build your assertiveness, making it easier to embody dominance in the bedroom.

Understanding the psychological aspects of dominance is equally important. Dominance is not merely about control; it’s about creating a safe, consensual, and enjoyable environment for both partners. Study the dynamics of power exchange and the emotional nuances involved. Recognize that dominance also involves responsibility, empathy, and mutual respect.

To further enhance your understanding and confidence, explore various resources dedicated to femdom. Workshops and seminars focused on BDSM and femdom offer practical knowledge and opportunities to connect with experienced individuals.

Online communities and forums are excellent platforms for beginners to seek advice, share experiences, and gain support. Websites like FetLife are great for finding events or our own small event calendar, specialized femdom forums like our within our community here at CollarNcuffs.com can be invaluable. Engaging with these communities allows you to learn from others’ experiences, ask questions, and receive encouragement as you build your confidence.

Ultimately, confidence stems from continuous learning and practice. Embrace the journey, remain open to new experiences, and trust in your ability to grow into your dominant role.

Exploring Your Partner’s Desires

Understanding your partner’s specific desires and kinks is a fundamental aspect of bringing Femdom into the bedroom, especially for beginners. A thoughtful approach that prioritizes communication and empathy can make this exploration both enlightening and enjoyable for both partners. One effective method to uncover these desires is through the use of questionnaires. These can be specially designed to explore various kinks, boundaries, and fantasies in a structured manner. By answering these questions honestly, both you and your partner can gain deeper insights into each other’s preferences, paving the way for more fulfilling interactions.

Intimate conversations also play a crucial role in this discovery process. Create a safe and open environment where both partners feel comfortable discussing their desires without fear of judgment. Start with general questions about what excites them and gradually delve into more specific fantasies and scenarios. This dialogue not only helps in understanding each other’s interests but also strengthens the emotional connection, ensuring that the exploration of Femdom is built on trust and mutual respect.

Observing your partner’s reactions to different scenarios can provide valuable clues about their desires. Pay close attention to their body language and verbal cues during various activities. For instance, notice how they respond to gentle teasing, assertive commands, or light bondage. These reactions can offer insights into what they enjoy and what might be worth exploring further. However, it’s essential to proceed with patience and empathy, ensuring that your partner feels respected and heard throughout the process.

Incorporating these methods into your exploration can make the journey of discovering and understanding your partner’s desires both exciting and rewarding. By prioritizing open communication and empathy, you can create a dynamic where both partners feel valued and satisfied, setting the stage for a fulfilling Femdom experience in the bedroom.

Incorporating Sensory Play

In the realm of femdom, sensory play serves as a powerful tool to enhance the experience for both partners. By engaging the senses, you can heighten anticipation and pleasure, making the encounter more immersive and thrilling. Sensory play involves manipulating different sensations to evoke a variety of physical and emotional responses. Here, we explore several techniques that can be seamlessly integrated into your femdom practice.

One of the simplest yet most effective methods is blindfolding. By depriving your submissive partner of sight, you amplify their other senses, creating a heightened state of awareness. This can make even the lightest touch or whisper incredibly intense. Use a soft blindfold that is comfortable yet secure, ensuring your partner feels completely enveloped in the moment. The element of surprise becomes a potent tool, keeping them on edge and fully engaged.

Temperature play is another exciting avenue to explore. This involves using hot and cold stimuli on the skin to produce varied sensations. You can experiment with items such as ice cubes, warm oils, or heated massage stones. Begin with gentle applications, and always communicate with your partner to ensure their comfort. The contrasting temperatures can evoke strong reactions, enhancing the pleasure and deepening the connection between you.

Incorporating different textures can also elevate the sensory experience. Consider using materials like silk, leather, feathers, or faux fur. Each texture offers a unique sensation that can be both soothing and stimulating. Lightly brushing a feather across the skin, or running a piece of silk along sensitive areas can create a symphony of tactile pleasure. The key is to mix and match these elements to keep the experience dynamic and engaging.

By thoughtfully incorporating sensory play, you can create a more profound and exhilarating femdom experience. These techniques not only elevate physical sensations but also build a deeper emotional connection, making each encounter uniquely memorable and intensely pleasurable.

Role-Playing Scenarios

Role-playing scenarios can be an exciting and engaging way to incorporate femdom into the bedroom, especially for beginners. These scenarios allow participants to explore various power dynamics and can add a layer of fantasy and excitement to the experience.

Role playing allows you to step into a role and then discard it. Role play provides a clear beginning and end.

Here are some role-playing ideas to consider:

1. Teacher/Student: This classic scenario involves the dominant partner taking on the role of a strict teacher, while the submissive partner plays the role of an obedient student. To set the scene, you can use a desk, books, and other school-related props. Create a storyline where the student needs to be disciplined for misbehavior or rewarded for good performance. Staying in character involves using authoritative language and maintaining a strict demeanor.

2. Boss/Employee: In this scenario, the dominant partner plays the role of a demanding boss, while the submissive partner takes on the role of a subordinate employee. Set the scene by using an office setting, such as a desk and a chair. The storyline can involve the employee needing to complete tasks to the boss’s satisfaction or face the consequences. Staying in character means asserting control and giving clear, direct instructions.

3. Doctor/Patient: For this scenario, the dominant partner assumes the role of a doctor, and the submissive partner is the patient. Use medical props like a stethoscope, clipboard, and examination table to create an authentic atmosphere. The storyline can involve the patient needing a thorough examination or treatment. Maintaining character involves using professional language and a clinical demeanor.

4. Queen/Servant: This scenario has the dominant partner as a regal queen, while the submissive partner is a loyal servant. Use props like a throne, crown, or scepter to set the scene. The storyline can revolve around the servant’s duties and how they must please their queen. Staying in character involves using commanding language and exhibiting regal poise.

5. Police Officer/Criminal: In this scenario, the female dominant partner is the authoritative police officer, and the submissive partner is the captured criminal. Props like handcuffs, a badge, and a truncheon can enhance the scene. The storyline could involve the criminal being interrogated or punished for their crimes. Maintaining character means using stern, authoritative language and a no-nonsense attitude.

Setting the scene and creating a believable storyline are crucial for making these role-playing scenarios immersive and enjoyable. By staying in character and using appropriate props, you can enhance the experience and add a new dimension to your femdom play.

Introducing BDSM Tools and Toys

Incorporating BDSM tools and toys into femdom play can significantly enhance the experience by adding new dimensions of sensation, control, and pleasure. For beginners, it’s essential to start with beginner-friendly items, ensuring both safety and consent in every interaction. Here’s a closer look at some commonly used tools and how to use them effectively.

Restraints: Restraints can range from simple handcuffs to more elaborate bondage gear like ropes and harnesses. For those new to femdom, soft restraints such as fabric ties or Velcro cuffs are ideal. If you don’t wish to purchase a set we have instructions within the Community on how to make your own They are easy to use and remove, reducing the risk of injury. Always ensure that the restraints are not too tight to prevent circulation issues and frequently check in with your partner to maintain comfort and consent. A great rule of thumb or should that be finger. Is to make sure you can place two fingers under the restraints.

Paddles: Paddles are versatile tools that can be used to deliver a range of sensations, from gentle taps to more intense spanking. When selecting a paddle, beginners should opt for those made of softer materials like leather or silicone. Start with light, controlled strikes and increase intensity gradually, always paying attention to your partner’s responses and limits. We have loads of resources materials here on site if you are unsure on how. Take an explore around the site, we are sure you will find all the answers you need. If you don’t all you need to do is ask in the Community.

Floggers: Floggers consist of multiple tails and can produce a variety of sensations depending on the material and technique used. Beginners should choose floggers with softer tails, such as suede or rubber, to avoid causing unintended harm. Practice your technique to ensure you can control the intensity and direction of each strike, and continuously communicate with your partner to ensure their comfort and enjoyment.

Bondage Gear: Bondage gear includes items like blindfolds, gags, and collars. These tools can heighten the senses and enhance the power dynamic in femdom play. Start with simple items like blindfolds, which can create a sense of vulnerability and anticipation. As with all BDSM tools, it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries and safe words before incorporating bondage gear into your sessions.

By starting with these beginner-friendly tools and prioritizing safety and consent, you can gradually explore more advanced equipment and techniques. you can find most of them written about here at CollarNcuffs.com. The key to successful femdom play lies in mutual respect, open communication, and a willingness to learn and grow together. suggest your partner joins you here! Many couples benefit from using the site together.

Developing a Femdom Routine AKA as protocols.

Establishing a femdom routine can significantly enhance the dynamics in a relationship by ensuring both partners are engaged and comfortable. To create a successful femdom routine, it is essential to incorporate activities seamlessly into daily life. This begins with setting specific times for play. By dedicating certain days or hours to femdom activities, both partners can mentally prepare and anticipate these moments, enhancing the overall experience.

Creating rituals is another effective method. Rituals, such as a particular greeting or a set of tasks to be performed by the submissive partner, can help establish a sense of structure and expectation. These rituals can be simple yet meaningful, like starting the day with a specific command or ending it with a particular act of submission. The key is to ensure these rituals are consistent and meaningful to both partners.

Consistency is crucial in maintaining a successful femdom routine. Regularly scheduled sessions help in reinforcing roles and expectations, making the practice a natural part of the relationship. It also provides a platform for both partners to communicate their needs and boundaries, ensuring mutual satisfaction. Consistency also aids in building trust and understanding, which are fundamental in any femdom dynamic.

Aftercare is an integral part of any femdom routine. Aftercare involves checking in with each other post-session to discuss feelings, address any discomfort, and reaffirm the emotional connection. This practice is vital in ensuring that both partners feel valued and understood. It helps in mitigating any negative emotions that may arise and reinforces the bond between the dominant and submissive partners.

Regularly checking in with each other outside of sessions is also essential. These check-ins provide an opportunity to discuss the dynamics of the femdom routine, make any necessary adjustments, and ensure ongoing comfort and satisfaction. This continuous dialogue helps in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling femdom relationship.

By incorporating these elements into your relationship, you can develop a femdom routine that is both enriching and sustainable, enhancing the connection between partners and ensuring a fulfilling experience for both.

Reflecting and Evolving Together

Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling femdom relationship requires ongoing reflection and evolution. Both partners should regularly discuss their femdom experiences, sharing their feelings and thoughts openly. This practice not only strengthens the bond but also ensures that both parties are on the same page, allowing for a more harmonious dynamic.

One effective way to facilitate these discussions is by setting aside dedicated time for reflection. This can be a weekly or monthly check-in where both partners talk about what they enjoyed, what could be improved, and any new ideas they might have. These conversations should be approached with an open mind and a non-judgmental attitude, fostering an environment where both individuals feel safe to express themselves.

As you navigate your femdom journey, it’s crucial to adapt and evolve your practices. What worked initially may need adjustments as both partners grow and change. Be willing to experiment with new techniques, settings, and roles to keep the experience fresh and exciting. Remember, the goal is to ensure that both partners continue to enjoy and benefit from the dynamic.

Continuous learning is also vital in a femdom relationship. Educate yourselves by reading books, attending workshops, or joining online communities such as CollarNcuffs.com where you can exchange ideas and gain new insights. This commitment to learning not only enhances your skills but also demonstrates a dedication to your partner and the relationship as a whole.

Mutual growth is the cornerstone of a thriving femdom relationship. By reflecting on your experiences, adapting your practices, and committing to continuous learning, you ensure that the dynamic remains engaging and rewarding for both partners. This ongoing evolution fosters a deeper connection and a more fulfilling experience, allowing your relationship to flourish in new and exciting ways.

Resource Article MissBonnie 2024

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The Joy of Male Submission Within Femdom

sexy submissive man wearing clover clamps with chain in mouth

Understanding Male Submission in Femdom

Male submission within the context of Femdom delves into the intricate psychological and emotional dimensions that drive some men to find joy and fulfillment in surrendering control to a dominant woman. This dynamic is rooted in several core concepts, including trust, vulnerability, and the deep-seated desire to please their partner. For many men, the act of submission is not just about relinquishing power but also about establishing a profound connection based on mutual respect and understanding.

Trust is a cornerstone of male submission in Femdom. Submissive men must place immense trust in their dominant partner, believing that she will respect their boundaries and act in their best interest. This trust is not given lightly; it is built over time through consistent, open communication and mutual respect. In this dynamic, the submissive man finds comfort and security, knowing that his partner values his well-being and the consensual nature of their interactions.

Vulnerability is another critical aspect of male submission. By opening themselves up to another’s control, submissive men expose their most intimate and authentic selves. This willingness to be vulnerable allows for a deeper emotional connection, fostering a sense of closeness that is often absent in more conventional relationships. The act of submission becomes a means of expressing love and devotion, creating a unique bond between the partners.

The desire to please is a powerful motivator for many male submissives. Their actions, whether physical, emotional, or mental, are often driven by the need to satisfy their dominant partner. This desire can manifest in various forms of submission, from acts of service like household chores to more intimate expressions of obedience and compliance. Each act is a testament to their commitment and dedication to the relationship.

It is essential to emphasize the consensual nature of these dynamics. Consent and communication are paramount in establishing and maintaining a healthy Femdom relationship. Both partners must continuously negotiate and reaffirm their boundaries, ensuring that the dynamic remains fulfilling and respectful for both parties. This ongoing dialogue is crucial in navigating the complexities of male submission, allowing for a harmonious and mutually satisfying connection.

The Benefits of Male Submission for Both Partners

In the context of Femdom relationships, male submission can offer a multitude of benefits for both partners, fostering an environment conducive to personal growth, emotional bonding, and deeper connections. For the submissive male, embracing submission can be a transformative experience that encourages self-discovery and emotional vulnerability. By relinquishing control, submissive men often find a sense of liberation and relief from societal expectations, leading to increased self-awareness and personal growth.

The dominant female, on the other hand, can experience a heightened sense of empowerment and satisfaction through her role. The act of guiding and nurturing her submissive partner can strengthen her sense of authority and fulfillment, promoting a balanced dynamic where both partners feel valued and respected. This mutual respect and admiration enhance intimacy, as both individuals are free to explore their desires and boundaries within a safe and consensual framework.

One significant benefit of male submission is the enhancement of trust within the relationship. Trust is built as both partners communicate openly about their needs and boundaries, creating a secure space for vulnerability and honesty. This transparent communication is essential for developing a strong emotional bond, which in turn leads to a deeper and more meaningful connection.

Common misconceptions about male submission often paint it as a sign of weakness or inferiority. However, many individuals who have embraced this dynamic attest to the contrary. For instance, John, a submissive male, shares, “Submitting to my partner has been one of the most empowering experiences of my life. It has allowed me to be true to myself and has brought us closer than ever before.” Similarly, Jessica, a dominant female, states, “Having a submissive partner has strengthened our relationship in ways I never imagined. It has deepened our trust and intimacy, making us more connected.”

Ultimately, the benefits of male submission in a Femdom relationship are multifaceted, contributing to personal growth, emotional bonding, and a deeper, more fulfilling connection between partners. By challenging traditional gender roles and embracing their authentic selves, both partners can experience a dynamic that is both empowering and satisfying.

Article MissBonnie 2024

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The Importance of Honesty and Trust in Femdom Relationships

Introduction to Femdom Relationships

Domme

Domme

Femdom, short for female dominance, refers to a type of relationship where the dominant partner is female, and the submissive partner is male. This dynamic stands in contrast to traditional power structures, which often see males in dominant roles. Femdom relationships are built on the principles of mutual consent, trust, and understanding, ensuring that both parties are fully aware and accepting of their roles within the relationship.

In a Femdom relationship, the dominant female, often referred to as the “Domme,” or “Dominatrix” (although most in the lifestyle consider this term as a play for play situation) The Domme takes the lead, while the submissive male, known as the “sub,” willingly relinquishes control. This dynamic can manifest in various forms, from everyday decision-making to more explicit expressions of dominance and submission, such as bondage, discipline, and other consensual power exchange practices.

What sets femdom relationships apart from traditional power dynamics is the emphasis on mutual consent and communication. Both partners must engage in open and honest conversations about their desires, limits, and boundaries. This dialogue is crucial in establishing a safe and respectful environment where both parties can thrive. The element of trust is paramount, as the submissive partner places a significant amount of trust in the dominant partner to respect their limits and ensure their well-being.

Additionally, femdom relationships often involve a high degree of emotional intimacy and vulnerability. The submissive partner’s willingness to give up control can be a profound act of trust, while the dominant partner’s role requires a deep sense of responsibility and care. This dynamic can lead to a unique and fulfilling connection, as both partners explore their roles and deepen their understanding of each other.

Overall, femdom relationships challenge traditional notions of power and control. By prioritizing mutual consent, trust, and communication, these relationships offer an alternative framework for exploring intimacy and connection, emphasizing the importance of honesty and understanding between partners.

Foundations of Honesty in Femdom

Honesty serves as a cornerstone in femdom relationships, establishing a crucial foundation upon which trust and mutual respect are built. In these dynamics, the exchange of power is not just physical but deeply psychological and emotional. This necessitates a level of transparency about desires, boundaries, and expectations that is unparalleled in more conventional relationships. When both parties are open and truthful about their needs and limits, it creates a safe space where vulnerabilities can be shared without fear of judgment or exploitation.

For instance, a dominant partner must be honest about their own capabilities and limitations. Overstating one’s ability to handle certain aspects of domination can lead to situations where the submissive partner feels unsafe or neglected. Similarly, a submissive partner’s honesty about their boundaries and discomforts ensures that they are not pushed beyond what they can handle, fostering a more secure and respectful environment.

Dishonesty, on the other hand, can severely undermine a femdom relationship. If a submissive partner withholds their true limits or a dominant partner misrepresents their experience, the trust between them erodes. Such deceit can lead to feelings of betrayal and emotional harm, making it difficult for either party to feel secure and respected. For example, if a submissive partner is not forthcoming about their hard limits, a dominant might inadvertently cross a boundary, resulting in emotional and psychological distress.

Thus, honesty is not merely a desirable trait but a fundamental requirement in femdom relationships. It ensures that both partners can navigate their roles with confidence and care, fostering a dynamic that is both fulfilling and respectful. By maintaining an unwavering commitment to honesty, femdom relationships can thrive on a foundation of mutual trust and understanding, allowing both parties to explore their desires and boundaries in a safe and supported manner.

Building Trust: The Cornerstone of a Healthy Dynamic

In the context of femdom relationships, trust serves as the bedrock upon which the entire dynamic is built. Establishing and nurturing trust allows both partners to engage fully in their roles, confident that their vulnerabilities will be respected and protected. Trust is not given lightly; it is earned and maintained through consistent and transparent communication, mutual respect, and unwavering commitment to each other’s well-being.

For the dominant partner, trust means understanding and honoring the submissive’s boundaries, desires, and limits. This knowledge forms the foundation for creating a safe space where both can explore their roles without fear of judgment or harm. The submissive, in turn, must trust that the dominant will act in their best interest, safeguarding their physical and emotional safety. This mutual trust enables a deeper connection and a more fulfilling relationship.

The process of building trust in femdom relationships involves several key steps. Initially, both partners must engage in open and honest conversations about their expectations, needs, and limits. This dialogue should be ongoing, allowing for adjustments and reaffirmations as the relationship evolves. Transparency in communication helps to prevent misunderstandings and fosters a sense of security.

Consistency is another crucial component of trust-building. Both partners must reliably adhere to the agreed-upon dynamics and roles, demonstrating their commitment to the relationship’s framework. Actions that reflect reliability and predictability help to reinforce trust over time.

Additionally, trust is bolstered by demonstrating empathy and understanding. Recognizing and validating each other’s feelings and experiences creates an environment of mutual respect. Empathy allows both partners to navigate challenges together, strengthening their bond.

Maintaining trust requires ongoing effort and vigilance. Regular check-ins and reflections on the relationship’s health are essential. Addressing any breaches of trust promptly and sincerely can help to repair and fortify the connection. Ultimately, trust is the cornerstone of a healthy femdom dynamic, enabling both partners to thrive and experience the full depth of their relationship.

Communication: The Key to Maintaining Honesty and Trust

In the realm of Femdom relationships, effective communication is the cornerstone for maintaining honesty and trust between partners. Open and continuous dialogue ensures that both parties feel valued and understood, which is fundamental in any power exchange dynamic. The consistent practice of transparent communication fosters a strong foundation built on mutual respect and trust.

One crucial strategy for effective communication is the implementation of regular check-ins. These scheduled moments allow partners to discuss their feelings, boundaries, and any issues that may have arisen. Regular check-ins create a dedicated space for addressing concerns and reaffirming commitments, thus reinforcing the trust that underpins the relationship.

Active listening is another pivotal component of effective communication. It involves more than just hearing the words spoken; it requires attentively listening to understand the emotions and intentions behind those words. By practicing active listening, both partners demonstrate respect for each other’s perspectives and foster a deeper connection. This, in turn, nurtures an environment where honesty can flourish.

Moreover, the use of safe words is an essential strategy in Femdom relationships. Safe words provide a clear and unambiguous way for partners to communicate their limits and express their need for pause or cessation of certain activities. Establishing and respecting safe words is a vital practice that upholds the principles of consent and trust, ensuring that both partners feel secure and respected.

Ultimately, the goal of these communication strategies is to ensure that both partners feel heard and understood. This mutual understanding is the bedrock of honesty and trust in Femdom relationships. By prioritizing open dialogue, active listening, and the use of safe words, partners can navigate their dynamic with confidence and integrity, fostering a relationship that thrives on mutual trust and respect.

Navigating Boundaries and Limits Honestly

In any relationship, clearly defined boundaries and limits play a crucial role in maintaining mutual respect and understanding. This is particularly true in femdom relationships, where the power dynamics can add an extra layer of complexity. Honest discussions about what is acceptable and what is off-limits are essential to prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both partners’ needs and limits are respected.

When entering a femdom relationship, it is important for both the dominant and submissive partners to have an open and honest dialogue about their expectations, desires, and limitations. These conversations should be ongoing, adapting as the relationship evolves. Discussing boundaries upfront can help to establish a solid foundation of trust, allowing both partners to feel secure in their roles.

Honesty in these discussions means being transparent about one’s comfort levels and being willing to listen to the other person’s perspective. This can involve talking about physical limits, emotional boundaries, and even specific scenarios that may or may not be acceptable. By clearly articulating these points, both partners can avoid potential conflicts and ensure that their experiences are positive and consensual.

Furthermore, setting boundaries and limits honestly helps to foster an environment of mutual respect. It signals that each partner values the other’s well-being and is committed to maintaining a healthy and respectful dynamic. This mutual respect is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and it is especially important in a femdom context where power imbalances can easily be misunderstood if not properly communicated.

In summary, navigating boundaries and limits with honesty is paramount in femdom relationships. It serves to protect both partners’ emotional and physical well-being, enhances trust, and strengthens the overall bond. By prioritizing open communication and respecting each other’s boundaries, couples can ensure a fulfilling and harmonious relationship.

Dealing with Breaches of Trust

Breaches of trust in femdom relationships can have profound and far-reaching impacts. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and in the context of femdom, it becomes even more critical due to the inherent power dynamics. When trust is broken, it can lead to feelings of betrayal, insecurity, and emotional distress for both parties involved. Addressing these breaches requires a thoughtful and systematic approach to rebuild the foundation of trust.

The first step in dealing with a breach of trust is to acknowledge the issue transparently. This involves a sincere apology from the person who broke the trust, recognizing the harm caused, and taking full responsibility for their actions. An apology, however, is only the beginning. It must be accompanied by genuine remorse and a commitment to making amends.

Accountability is crucial in this process. The individual who breached the trust should engage in open communication, allowing the affected party to express their feelings and concerns. This dialogue helps to clear misunderstandings and provides a platform for both parties to rebuild their connection. Additionally, the person at fault should be prepared to answer questions and offer explanations to clarify the situation further.

Consistent behavior changes are essential to demonstrate a genuine commitment to rebuilding trust. This involves setting and adhering to new boundaries, being transparent about actions and intentions, and showing reliability over time. Consistency in behavior reassures the affected party that the breach of trust was an isolated incident and not a recurring pattern.

Rebuilding trust is not an instantaneous process; it requires patience, effort, and time from both parties. Regular check-ins and reaffirmation of the commitment to the relationship can facilitate healing and restoration of trust. By working together, individuals in a femdom relationship can overcome breaches of trust and strengthen their bond, ensuring a more resilient and trusting partnership moving forward.

The Role of Honesty and Trust in Emotional Intimacy

Honesty and trust play pivotal roles in cultivating emotional intimacy within femdom relationships. These elements form the bedrock upon which partners can build a connection that transcends the physical aspects of their relationship, fostering a deeper emotional bond. In the realm of femdom, where dynamics often involve significant power exchange, being open and truthful about one’s feelings and experiences is crucial.

Emotional intimacy is deeply interwoven with vulnerability. When partners in a femdom relationship share their innermost thoughts and emotions, they create a space where both individuals feel seen, heard, and understood. This mutual vulnerability allows for a more profound connection, as each partner acknowledges and respects the other’s emotional landscape. Trust, in this context, becomes the safety net that encourages such openness.

Being honest about one’s desires, fears, and boundaries is essential in any relationship, but it takes on heightened importance in femdom dynamics. The dominant partner must trust that the submissive is forthcoming about their limits and comfort levels, while the submissive must trust the dominant to respect those boundaries. This exchange fosters a sense of security and mutual respect, which are indispensable for emotional closeness.

Furthermore, honesty about experiences and feelings can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling interactions. When partners communicate openly, they can address any issues or misunderstandings that arise, preventing resentment or dissatisfaction from taking root. This transparency ensures that both partners’ needs are met, enhancing the overall quality of the relationship.

In femdom relationships, where the nuances of power dynamics can complicate emotional exchanges, the importance of honesty and trust cannot be overstated. These qualities enable partners to navigate their relationship with empathy and understanding, ultimately leading to a deeper and more resilient emotional bond. By prioritizing honesty and trust, femdom relationships can flourish, providing both partners with a rich and rewarding emotional connection.

Conclusion: The Lifelong Journey of Honesty and Trust

In exploring the dynamics of femdom relationships, it becomes abundantly clear that honesty and trust are fundamental cornerstones. These elements are not merely optional but are imperative for the relationship’s health and sustainability. The initial agreement, where boundaries and expectations are outlined, sets the stage for ongoing transparency and mutual respect. As discussed, consistent communication fosters an environment where both partners feel safe and valued. This is particularly significant in a femdom relationship where power dynamics necessitate an even deeper level of trust.

Moreover, the challenges that may arise, whether they are emotional, psychological, or practical, can be navigated more seamlessly when honesty is upheld. Trust enables both partners to express vulnerabilities without fear of judgment, thereby strengthening their bond. The commitment to maintaining these principles is not a one-time effort but an ongoing journey that requires continuous dedication and effort from both parties. This dedication is what ultimately transforms a femdom relationship from merely functional to profoundly fulfilling.

The rewards of such a relationship, built on the solid foundation of honesty and trust, are manifold. Not only does it lead to a deeper emotional connection, but it also enhances the overall quality of life for both partners. The sense of security and mutual respect fosters a nurturing environment where both individuals can thrive. Therefore, embracing these principles is not just beneficial; it is essential for the longevity and richness of the relationship.

In closing, the path to a successful femdom relationship is paved with honesty and trust. These are not static concepts but evolving commitments that require ongoing attention and care. By prioritizing these values, both partners can enjoy a deeply rewarding and enriching relationship that stands the test of time.

Article MissBonnie 2024

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The Importance of a BDSM Partner Checklist

desk with PC and note pad

The Importance of a BDSM Partner Checklist

When it comes to engaging in BDSM activities, communication and consent are key. One effective tool that can help facilitate this is a BDSM partner checklist. This checklist is a comprehensive list of activities, preferences, limits, and boundaries that each partner can fill out and discuss together. It serves as a starting point to get to know your partner on a deeper level and establish open lines of communication.

Creating a Safe and Consensual Environment

A BDSM partner checklist is an essential tool for creating a safe and consensual environment. It allows both partners to clearly express their desires, boundaries, and limits. This ensures that all activities are consensual and that both partners are comfortable and on the same page.

By discussing the checklist together, partners can uncover shared interests and explore new possibilities. It also provides an opportunity to address any concerns or fears that may arise during the conversation. This open and honest dialogue helps build trust and strengthens the bond between partners.

Enhancing Intimacy and Connection

Engaging in BDSM activities requires a high level of trust and intimacy between partners. By using a BDSM partner checklist, you can deepen your understanding of each other’s desires, fantasies, and limits. This knowledge allows you to tailor your experiences to each other’s needs, enhancing the overall intimacy and connection in your relationship.

Furthermore, the process of filling out the checklist together can be a bonding experience in itself. It encourages vulnerability and fosters a sense of emotional closeness. By openly discussing your desires and boundaries, you create a safe space for each other to be authentic and explore your deepest desires.

In conclusion, a BDSM partner checklist is a valuable tool for anyone interested in exploring BDSM activities. It promotes communication, consent, and understanding between partners, creating a safe and consensual environment. By using this checklist, you can enhance intimacy, deepen your connection, and embark on a journey of exploration and pleasure together.

you will find many type of these within our Community we even have checklists available on our profile for you to share your kinks with others!

Further related reading:

Further reading:
D/s Contracts – What are D/s contracts? and how do D/s contracts work?
Contract Sample 1 – An example of a simple D/s contract.
Contract Sample 2 – A more complicated example of a M/s contract
Contract Sample 3 – An example of a temporary BDSM poly contract.
BDSM Rights – Know your rights with a Femdom relationship
Safewords – Do you know your safe word with your Mistress/submissive?
SSC v’s RACK – Safe, sane and consensual V’s Risk-Aware Consensual Kink
Limits & negotiations – Both Dominants and submissives can express limits. What are your partners?
Abuse and P.E – Abuse and erotic power exchange, know the dangers.
Explicit Implicit – Explicit Consent / Implicit consent Play considerately and consensually.

Article MissBonnie copyright 2024

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I’m often asked about punishment by new Domina‘s.

How do I punish?

What should I do? What do you punish?

What do I let slide and forgive?

I can only answer these question for myself and comment on how I deal with punishment issues. How you choose to deal with infractions is up to yourself, and your own individual flare and style. Dominas all have different needs and different requirements from submissives…what I require from my submissives may be different to your needs.

Punishment is an inevitable element of relationships between a Mistress and a sub. To speak shortly, punishment is designed for behaviour correction. But all involved in BDSM/Femdom know that punishment is a gift and the Domme’s benefaction as it helps to get free from feeling of guilt and it is a sign of the Top’s care for her sub. This article is not meant as ‘how too guide’ but more for a creative spark to plan your own course of punishment actions. The main issue with punishments that I can’t stress highly enough is consistency! If you threaten to punish him/her follow it through! Your submissive is seeking your guidance and control. Not punishing an act you find unacceptable is sending out a message you have no control.

Perhaps there is no need to mention that necessity of punishment must be realized by the slave and no penalty can take place without the sub’s agreement. Femdom relationships always imply love goodwill, and safe sane and consensual actions. So punishment must be necessarily discussed in advance. To effectively punish. Punishment requires some suggestions which can be followed any time a Domme finds it necessary to give her sub a lesson.

Three Main Punishment suggestions

  • 1. Punishment in any detail must be different from other types of Femdom action. Otherwise the submissive is going to get used to it and take punishment as something habitual – what lesson is he going to be given than? For instance you can have special BDSM toys used only for punishment and nothing else. Use them only when punishing your sub. In this case these BDSM toys are going to be associated only with actions intended to punish him/her.
  • 2. It is the Domme who defines severity of punishment as well as its other details. The Domme chooses the time her Sub is going to be punished, What BDSM toys she is going to use, tortures the sub must undergo etc. All these things must not be discussed; otherwise this is going to be anything but punishment and in fact might be something the submissive seeks out and desires!
  • 3. One offence – one punishment. This is the main principle which if not followed makes punishment useless. The sub must always be aware what s/he is being punished for.

Now let us speak about punishment itself. Actually punishment for my submissives consists of five suggested steps. They may or may not fit your chosen form of Femdom practices.

Step one. Explanation

This step implies explanation of what was done wrong and what your slave should have done instead. Make sure the submissive realizes his/her guilt otherwise everything that comes next is going to be of no use. Submissives left struggling with reasons for punishment often feel confused and disorientated with other activities. Left questioning they often question every action they undertake on your behalf. A submissive is not a mind reader ‘communication’ is a must if you ever wish to alter his/her behaviour.

Step two. Sub who begs for punishment.

Punishment might always involve this step and it might never imply it – everything depends on the Top. The bottom does not have the right to choose whether s/he should beg to punish him/her or not – this is not a matter for him/her to decide. A submissive asking to be punished is topping from the bottom and learning that s/he can alter the outcome of plans. Make a mental note that s/he is asking for punishment and try to evaluate why s/he is asking. Does s/he need more attention? Is s/he trying to manipulate you into action? Why is this occurring? This more often the question that needs addressing. Is there an underlying problem?

Step three. Getting ready for punishment and realization of guilt.

The fourth action is perhaps the longest one and it takes place without the Domme’s interference. I have found this step has helped my submissive/s greatly in rectifying his/her errors so they never reoccur. This might imply being on knees in very uncomfortable position in darkness. As well it might imply use of some BDSM toys, such as restraints. This step is very effective as being alone the bottom feels lonely and denied. Alone (or time out) allows for reflection time on the ‘error‘ the time out allows the submissive time from distractions to evaluate what has occurred. Time out also allows for the submissive to get in the right head space and let go off the vanilla world.

Step four. Punishment.

The fourth step is punishment itself. Here no recommendations can be given. Everything that takes place during this stage of punishment depends on the Domme and HER own personal tastes, likes and desires. This can be not only inflicting pain on the bottom as many might think. Verbal communication is as well very important.

The Mistress can order her sub to repeat a part of guilt explanation in order to find out that the slave understood and realized his/her guilt. Realization of guilt can be expressed in some other way, for instance by saying “Thank you, Mistress!” or “forgive me Mistress! “After each blow or by continuous licking the Mistress’ feet during the punishment.

Verbal communication between the top and the bottom implies that the Domme should let her sub know whether the latter can cry or not. As well she should make it clear what is going to happen if the bottom cries in spite of this prohibition.

The top can let the bottom know how long punishment is going to last, what toys she is going to use, using this method the Domme must be consistent in her set plan of action and never falter. My advise to the newer less confident Domme or Domina in a new relationship would to NOT do this if she can at all help it, setting punishments length or duration often means the submissive may have to take more than s/he needs or less than s/he needs at the time of punishment. By not informing the submissive of the full extent of the punishments details it allows you room to adjust without appearing to of ‘softened’ on the punishment or appearing to lost control of the situation. So again everything depends on the Domme’s will to remain consistent to her original punishment goal.

Step six. Forgiveness.

Punishment has ended. The top might order the bottom to thank her for punishment. She can let her slave know what punishment he is going to undergo for committing the same crime again. And of course the top must let this slave know whether the latter is forgiven or not. In the end I should say that the first punishment must be very severe. Than punishments might become rarer and less cruel. Full-fledged D/s relationships imply that after some time punishment must become a very rare event or there should be no punishments at all as the most terrible thing for a bottom is being deprived of his Mistress’ love.

What ever methods you choose make sure you are comfortable in there delivery. You are trying to give your submissive ’rules’ to suit your desires, using a method you dislike will only add to you not enjoying the process and delaying its deliverance.

Enjoy the process, it shouldn’t be a chore and shouldn’t be out of anger. Punishment should be administered because you know your submissive and yourself will ‘both’ benefit from it effects and outcome.

If you are angry step away and re gather your thoughts and personal control. Acting in anger can cause misjudgement in your actions. Actions need to be clear, concise, too the point, relaying your intended purpose for correction. Often punishments dealt in anger can lead to injury or relationship problems.

Once you have administered your chosen punishment after care may be required.

Article MissBonnie © CollarNcuffs.com 2008

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Inner Mistress or Domme

its actually really hard being a fledgling Dominant.

How do you get the wisdom, trust worthy reputation experience to find the Love of your Life (or – in the meantime – someone wonderful to play with)?

Anyone got good ideas for our newer list members?

Some ideas picked up along the way (and by no means exhaustive)

1 thyself.

  • Have a long hard think about if and why you identify as Dominant. do you love it? you don’t really know. Embark on your journey into D/s to find the answers out for yourself, don’t pretend you have them all already.

2 Read Read and Read Some more reading

  • I found that it helped to read up on the technical side first. Choose your own favorites. No doubt there are loads of web sites and mailing lists like this one to read as well. discriminating about what you read in mail lists and web sites. There is a vast difference between D/s fantasy and the practice in real life. A lot of very wise sounding advice is given online, but question how much of it is based on practical experience (including the inevitable making of mistakes!!). takes a long while to work out who is for real and who is spinning a (lovely) fantasy. However, reading about BDSM is a bit like reading cookbooks. cannot learn to cook until you try it.

3 Get out

  • We have heaps of BDSM clubs, parties and dungeons in Victoria (Chains, Hush Now, Perversity, Purgatory, Abode, CyberBall to name a few), so there’s no excuse for staying at home reading the net!!

4 all the other Dominants you can

  • It helps enormously to make friends with other Dominants. of them. experience and gravitas in your local scene will eventually rub off on you! most of them are egotistical enough (me included!!) to like the idea of taking a new Dominant under their wing. dead easy to convince some Tops to give you impromptu lessons in slave training, flogging, bondage etc love to talk!!

5 trying

  • However, it can be hard to befriend some "Dominants" because they Know It All and have a really tedious need to dominate everyone (not just their own sub/s). might also get snubbed by the occasional “Queen of the Scene” (happens to me all the time!)Don’t give up – I believe that every city’s scene has Dominants that are mature (and secure) enough to properly befriend and mentor new Dominants. Go to events, meet lots of people and seek out the Dominants that strike you as approachable and reasonably well liked (ESPECIALLY by other Dominants. easy to fool some of the subs some of the time, but if a "Dominant" cannot get along with other Dominants, then they definitely have problems

6 Choose a same sex mentor (unless you are gay)

  • It may seem easier to seek out mentors of the opposite sex, but be conscious that Dominants can have totally explosive chemistry with one another. starts out as a bit of flirtation can turn into a wild ride of switching, mind fucks and power games. is why a lot of Masters and Mistresses are love partners – and all power to them. as a new Dominant in search of self, I don’t recommend it (yet;)

7 your time

  • Notice I haven’t suggested run around like Lady Headless chook looking for submissives to play with? you can advertise like crazy all over the net and hang around the walls at every club, but what have you got to offer? Instead, push yourself to meet people of all persuasions (tops, bottoms, fetishists, male, female) and take a real interest in their lifestyle and personal choices. will help you discover your own style of Dominance, define your expectations and introduce you to potential partners.

8 Stay real

  • Most of all, stay yourself. to be A Real Dominant (what ever the hell that is) is doomed to failure. ‘T tell fibs exaggerating your experience or skill. bit of humility and grace goes a long way. egos, low self esteem and dishonesty are NOT Dominant and everyone else knows it. If you are genuine, self assured, approachable and dominant without being domineering (they are TOTALLY different things), your submissive will find you. than you think.

9 Pass it on

  • And remember that one day you will no longer be a newbie, and then it will be your turn to hold out the hand of friendship to newcomers.

largely reprinted from my articles posted elsewhere – so apologies to those who have heard it all before or BDSM if you aren’t strictly into D/s – I use the expressions pretty interchangeably …

Article MissBitch & MissBonnie CollarNccuffs.com

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Men Who Love BBWs Admirers or Fetishists?

Articles about body image usually focus on either shaping-up or honoring the shapes we have, even if they’re more voluptuous (for women) or heftier (for men) than the media’s ideal. However, there’s another side to the body acceptance story that some might call a darker, or even more bizarre side. It turns a cultural preoccupation with thinness and dieting completely upside down.

The story begins right here on the internet, where forums have sprung up for admirers of the large and lovely. As with other niche erotic preferences, connections in cyberspace have brought the most extreme variations on this theme out of the shadows and onto millions of screens. Many men are confused by their attraction to extremely fat women (or men, if they are gay), especially if their attraction extends to fantasies of feeding imaginary partners mounds of delicious food until they develop ever grander mounds of luscious flesh. As one Love and Health letter-writer says: “I go online to look at sites that Im not proud of, and I fear getting into a relationship where I force feed a woman into obesity. How can I calm my fetish so that I dont force feed my partner? Is the answer therapy, hypnosis, medication, or what?”

This question is similar to those asked by many others whose niche erotic preferences are so exclusive and overpowering that they constitute an undeniable fetish. Yet fetishes are not always unhealthy, and they don’t always pose severe problems. Often, the shame, confusion and fear surrounding a fetish can be far more debilitating than the fetish itself. The shame, not the sexual urges attached to specialized activities, interferes with life’s ordinary pleasures more than an acceptance of the fetish might. Sometimes, the difference between a gratifying and isolating fetish is, first of all, the ability to distinguish between fantasy aspects and “real life” attributes of the fetish, and, second, whether the fetishizer has the support of an erotic co-conspirator: a loving partner who is equally enthralled by a complimentary role in the fetish activity. I will add – although it should go without saying – that an acceptable fetish is always consensual, adult-adult, and does no harm to either participant.

When it comes to eroticizing larger than average body size, as with many other preferences, people tend to align within certain camps and sub-camps, some accepting of and others rejecting the fetish label. Men attracted to BBWs (big beautiful women) might not consider themselves any more fetishistic than men who are attracted to blondes instead of brunettes, or nerdy types over cutesy girls-next-door. Some of those who are primarily attracted to BBWs might see themselves as part of the “fat admirer” (FA) community, without regarding their preference as a fetish. Other FAs, however, not only find large women lovely, but they eroticize fat, are completely uninterested in slender women, and simply don’t date them. Such FAs would lean further toward the “fetish” end of a continuum that places appreciation or interest on one end and fetish on the other.

The letter-writer who fantasizes about feeding a partner into obesity clearly has reached the fetish end of the spectrum – and he knows it. As within most internet sex-oriented communities, there is ongoing dialogue about exactly which behaviors fall into which sub-categories and what labels best apply to each. In the “Feeder” world, this is certainly the case. However, the following terms are general enough to accurately reflect the accepted language of this realm.

Real life relationships between those known as “Feeders” (most often men) and their counterparts, known as “Gainers” or “Feedees” (most often women), can develop out of a mutually compelling need. However, a person need not have a Gainer in their life to be a Feeder. Feeders are more likely to exercise their fetish in fantasy than to indulge it in reality. As one Feeder writes: “I enjoy reading Feeder stories on the internet and fantasizing about feeding someone and having them gain weight. But I have never actually tried to fatten up a partner. Its only a fantasy for me.” However, Feeders and Gainers do find each other and hook up.

Rarely do Feeders coerce an otherwise uninterested partner into eating and gaining weight. Where the fetish is played out, the fetish is usually a shared one, and weight limits are consensually designated, with an erotic charge attached to the feeding, gaining, and attaining of the goal. While fantasies of non-consensual feeding can be a turn-on, it’s important to understand that, just like any other fantasy that involves coercion – even romance novels’ swashbuckling bodice-ripper fare – it’s one matter to imagine overwhelming someone or being taken unwillingly, and it’s quite another to live it. No healthy person with a rapist or ravishment fantasy is going to carry it any further than a consenting role-play scenario. (Anyone feeling urges to force any erotic activity on another, or to place oneself in danger, should immediately seek professional counseling.)

For compatible, consensual Feeders and Gainers, the act of feeding and eating is an erotically heightened experience, beyond even the sensual epicurean levels that most of us can relate to. Obviously, F/G relationships can carry dire consequences when the fetish embraces such extreme obesity that the Gainer’s mobility and health are compromised. While F/G relationships always have some characteristics in common with dominant/submissive relationships, a seriously obese Gainer’s immobility makes her quite literally dependent, and the Feeder can in fact control her. This set-up will take the D/s aspect to a potentially dangerous, probably non-consensual extreme, and I would venture to say that it is far outside the boundaries of what any professional would consider an acceptable expression of erotic preference.

Websites abound for men and women who adore the fat form, fat fantasy and Feeder imagery. For instance, photo-manipulation sites showcase celebrities “before and after” packing on 50-100 pounds, so that the formerly svelte pin-up is viewed in pulchritudinous glory. One of the more fascinating aspects of this Photoshop phenomenon is the realization that many super-thin women also look gorgeous as women of size. Do they look different? Yes; but still lovely in a startlingly alternative way. Or, perhaps, it would be more accurate to say that they look beautiful within an alternative dimension: an imaginary world where nobody is held hostage to current standards of thinness. These photo sites make a political point that can hardly be lost on anyone with a conscience, even if they are not avowed FAs. But, viewed from another angle, these sites are also erotica for the true FA, even though they are no more explicit than a Victoria’s Secret catalogue is to the mainstream. Yet, benign as they are, visits to these sites – and, of course, to more explicit fat-fantasy sites – can induce enormous shame in fat admirers whose preference (or fetish) is still considered by a thin-centric society to be gross and perverse.

So what do we say to men who ask how to “calm” their fetish for fat women, whether they include Feeder fantasies or not? Do we tell them to get help to alter their preferences, or suggest they seek support among others of like mind? Do we assist them in standing up to a society that is less than accepting of their ideal partners? Or do we urge them to change?

My advice is to realize that there is no single answer, no easy solution to any of our complex erotic patterns. Balancing social, emotional and sexual forces is a mighty effort for even the most ordinary “vanilla” man or woman, let alone anyone who deviates from the ordinary. Eccentric or novel erotic attractions can be as safe and healthy as the most common ones – or over the edge. It’s all a question of balance. My advice is to check in with yourself first: if your erotic style or activities are troubling you, speak with a certified sex therapist (www.aasect.org). She or he can help you determine what your erotic interest means, how much fantasy or fetish-reality you can handle, under what sets of circumstances you can safely explore your needs, and how far you can go. Rarely is it necessary or even possible to entirely eradicate a fetish – or even a strong preference. Instead, combining education and supportive counseling with discovering your own comfortable limits and boundaries – and, best yet, a compatible partner or partners – will offer the most successful approach in the long term

Article :Dr. Davidson

A psychologist and sex therapist based in New York City, Dr. Joy Davidson has been involved in the development of internet-based sexuality education for much of her career. Convinced that the internet has the capacity to revolutionize intimate connections, she has been actively researching and writing about the internet as a vehicle for sexual expression, education, and therapy for nearly a decade.

Dr. Davidson was a key contributor to MSN’s pioneering online magazine for women, Underwire, as well as a sex and relationships columnist for MSN’s WomenCentral.com, SexualHealth.com, and SavvyMiss.com. Offline, she was for 8 years the sex columnist for Playgirl magazine and Men’s Fitness magazine.

Dr. Davidson is the author of Fearless Sex: A Babe’s Guide to Overcoming Your Romantic Obsessions and Getting the Sex Life You Deserve (2004, Fairwinds Press), which, in hardcover, was a selection of the Literary Guild and the Venus Book Club. As an expert on sexual issues in popular media and culture, she is also a contributor to four of Benbella Books’ acclaimed “Smart Pop” anthologies and the editor of an upcoming fifth release.

Her astute insights and warm, vivacious personal style have made Dr. Davidson a sought-after speaker at seminars and conferences, and a guest on hundreds of national television and radio shows, including Oprah, 20/20, CNN News, Entertainment Tonight, Montel, and Bill O’Reilly. She was the host of 36 episodes of the Playboy channel’s series, “Secret Confessions and Fantasies,” and the writer/creator of the Playboy/Sharper Image home video series, “Secrets of Making Love to the Same Person Forever.”

Dr. Davidson is a frequently featured expert in national magazines and press, including USA Today, Salon.com, Redbook, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Marie Claire, Men’s Health, and Cosmopolitan. She holds a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology and a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, an AASECT certified Sex Therapist, and a member of AASECT’s Board of Directors.

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Tips for a Femdom beginner

Any Femdom (a female dominant) at the beginning of her being involved in BDSM activities does face some problems which prevent her from getting pleasure of what she is doing. Actually any dominant can have his or her own problems as people differ and have their own psychological peculiarities. However, there are some problems common for any Femdom, such as: fear of not being up to stereotypes, lack of self-confidence and lack of skill in scenario planning.

The information given below will let you know more about these problems and the ways these problems can be solved.

Stereotypes.

Many femdoms beginners cannot get pleasure of their dominance because of not being up to some stereotypes related to BDSM activity. These are typical thoughts of a woman who has just made her first steps in dominance – “I am supposed to inflict pain on my slave, I am supposed to be called the Mistress, I must wear especial clothing, I must use some certain BDSM toys. But there are some things I don’t quite like. Does it mean I am not a true femdom?”

No, it doesn’t. Stereotypes are designed specially for destroying them. You must not be up to any stereotypes. You can wear any clothing you want, you can use any BDSM toy you wish, your scenario can involve all your fantasies, no matter whether they are standard or not. And keep in mind – Dominance is not based on inflicting pain. It is based on making your partner react the way you want him to. Different people apply different methods for this purpose – from quite light up to very severe ones. The main thing is that you both should get pleasure, and no one can tell you what you should do.

Diffidence

Diffidence and hesitation are quite characteristic of a femdom beginner. She cannot relax thinking about the way she looks, the way she behaves and of course about whether her slave is pleased with the session. These fears are quite natural, but if not overcome they cannot spoil pleasure of both the femdom and her submissive.

Actually, first of all you should remember that this is you who dominates, that is why this is you who decides everything. Only you can decide how severe you should be, only you can choose BDSM toys you are going to use, only you rule the game because you are the dominant. Do not let hesitation make you weak.

Ways to overcome diffidence

1. Get rid of your hesitations during the sessions.

Let us take an example. Possibly you are not sure enough whether your submissive finds you sexually attractive enough. Do not think about this matter. Instead ask your submissive – Am I a Goddess of sex? He will be glad to say you are. You might hesitate whether to use this or that Femdom toy or accessory. Hesitation does not make you more dominant. Instead say confidently – I know you want me put these cuffs on your ankles! I know you want get a few blows with this whip!

2.Don’t let your submissive object to anything

Keep in mind that no submissive can let you know what you should do during the session. He cannot object to using a BDSM toy, he cannot ask you to do something. All problems must be discussed after the session otherwise your D/S relationships lose any sense. Of course make sure you know his hard limits…that is a given, for any Femdom scene.

Improper planning

After you master basic things you might want to enrich your experience. Very often femdoms beginners make mistakes when planning the session by making up too thorough or not enough detailed scenario.

The main advantage of domination is its unpredictable nature. By making a too detailed plan you become dependent on it. For example when facing an unexpected reaction of your partner you might begin thinking you have done something wrong, that your incompetence has made a problem.

The opposite problem is insufficient planning.. You do not prepare anything – neither BDSM toys nor your roles, etc – you are likely to look at your helpless partner trying to guess what you should do next. This will inevitably make you less self-confident. Such things are easy to avoid. Make plans, but let them be not too detailed. Do not limit yourself by a strict order of actions. Instead simply take into account what you are going to do and do this when you would like to.

Article MissBonnie February 2009 CollarNuffs.com

studyBDSM and studyFemdom – Don’t forget we also have various Free Femdom/BDSM educational and emotional support programs on CollarNcuffs. We can help you if you wish, 100 percent for FREE. No catch!


Such as FREE PROGRAM: Help, my husband wants me to be his Domme and FREE PROGRAM: Femdom 101 for those just starting out with Femdom needing to learn the basics in Female Dominance. Please join our COMMUNITY to request access, all access is 100% free.We invite you to join our community of like-minded individuals who share your interests in femdom and BDSM. Engage with our 100% Free content, leave comments, share your experiences. Meet fellow Kinksters. Chat and interact one on one. Your feedback is invaluable and helps us to continuously improve the content we offer.

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Talking spicy in your bedroom

woman sitting on bed

New Dommes don’t be surprised to know that your partner wants to hear spicy talks during an intercourse. It is a well-known fact that particular voice can arouse even more than actual stimulation. No wonder, telephone sex is so popular. The art of talking sexy can become quite difficult to begin, if you got used to keeping silence in your bedroom. Don’t refuse talking sexy if you want to take your relationship at a new intimate level! It doesn’t mean though that you should stick to dirty words and repeat them every time you partner asks.

How to talk sexy

Of course, such verbal stimulation can make you feel a bit embarrassed, and this may keep you from making his or your dreams come true. To start out a nasty talk you need to concentrate on what your partner wants, or rather I should say, needs to give him the power you long to take. You may think over various sex positions, sex toys, role-playing, restraining, oral pleasure and things like that to give a free play to your imagination. Another way to inspire yourself for spicy communication is to watch adult movies together with your partner. Watch him closely, what words got reactions?

Find the right words

It can be quite intimidating to find those special words, which describe his genitals or actions you want him to perform or you want to do. Of course, not every man can find it comfortable to hear words like “dick“ or “cock“, and you shouldn’t behave as a slut to turn him on actually. Be playful and experiment with different phrases to heighten your sexual experience. You don’t need to pretend or invent something, just follow your urges and let your desires be caught up in uncontrollable flood. Don’t restrict your emotions saying “You look sexy”, “Your cock is so hard”, “You make me shiver” and so on. Avoid standard long phrases to explain your feelings, telling him a whole story. Make your voice sound deeper with long inhales; this will sound more exciting to him.

Talk about sex

Try to introduce talks about sex before you get in the bedroom. Your likes and dislikes can be a good start for such communication. You shouldn’t make a list of sex positions your former ex-boyfriends/subby preferred to use.

It’s better to talk as if discussing your fantasies: “I would love if you …”,”the thought of …makes me hot“. Such communication is a good basis for solid enduring intimate relationships. Tell your partner on your preferences during a foreplay, like “I want it softer or harder?”,”Upper or lower?“

Spicy talking manner

Start talking nasty to yourself to get used to the feeling. The manner in which you will be talking to your partner is subject to what kind of play are you going to initiate. If you plan to be seductive and mysterious, try to whisper in his ears sweet and teasing words. If you are into playful mood, talk in a ticklish and chummy style. Let yourself be bossy, when you intend to have a hot bondage play. Just give in to your emotions and be receptive to his desires, making sure to take your own into account. Don’t forget that words may sound offensive for a particular partner in certain circumstances and be highly arousing for the other one. You may try and write your fantasies down. For example, you may write him a note where you suggest him to buy some naughty sex toys. He can take time to think over and even if he isn’t normally enthusiastic about such ideas, he may change his mind later.

Get the setting ready

Take him by surprise. Nothing can be more thrilling than unexpected erotic play. Just imagine you are whispering him nasty “I’m wet” in his ears being in a crowded place or ask him to touch you there…in an elevator. Expect him home earlier than usual! It’s important to have right accessories at your side to create this special atmosphere. For example, you can take massaging oil, leather cuffs and other sex toys to have a good deal of dirty talks. After some more practice you will feel yourself different and know that talking sex is no more a taboo for (both of)you.

Article MissBonnie February 2009

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