Tag: Male Submission

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The Joy of Male Submission Within Femdom

sexy submissive man wearing clover clamps with chain in mouth

Understanding Male Submission in Femdom

Male submission within the context of Femdom delves into the intricate psychological and emotional dimensions that drive some men to find joy and fulfillment in surrendering control to a dominant woman. This dynamic is rooted in several core concepts, including trust, vulnerability, and the deep-seated desire to please their partner. For many men, the act of submission is not just about relinquishing power but also about establishing a profound connection based on mutual respect and understanding.

Trust is a cornerstone of male submission in Femdom. Submissive men must place immense trust in their dominant partner, believing that she will respect their boundaries and act in their best interest. This trust is not given lightly; it is built over time through consistent, open communication and mutual respect. In this dynamic, the submissive man finds comfort and security, knowing that his partner values his well-being and the consensual nature of their interactions.

Vulnerability is another critical aspect of male submission. By opening themselves up to another’s control, submissive men expose their most intimate and authentic selves. This willingness to be vulnerable allows for a deeper emotional connection, fostering a sense of closeness that is often absent in more conventional relationships. The act of submission becomes a means of expressing love and devotion, creating a unique bond between the partners.

The desire to please is a powerful motivator for many male submissives. Their actions, whether physical, emotional, or mental, are often driven by the need to satisfy their dominant partner. This desire can manifest in various forms of submission, from acts of service like household chores to more intimate expressions of obedience and compliance. Each act is a testament to their commitment and dedication to the relationship.

It is essential to emphasize the consensual nature of these dynamics. Consent and communication are paramount in establishing and maintaining a healthy Femdom relationship. Both partners must continuously negotiate and reaffirm their boundaries, ensuring that the dynamic remains fulfilling and respectful for both parties. This ongoing dialogue is crucial in navigating the complexities of male submission, allowing for a harmonious and mutually satisfying connection.

The Benefits of Male Submission for Both Partners

In the context of Femdom relationships, male submission can offer a multitude of benefits for both partners, fostering an environment conducive to personal growth, emotional bonding, and deeper connections. For the submissive male, embracing submission can be a transformative experience that encourages self-discovery and emotional vulnerability. By relinquishing control, submissive men often find a sense of liberation and relief from societal expectations, leading to increased self-awareness and personal growth.

The dominant female, on the other hand, can experience a heightened sense of empowerment and satisfaction through her role. The act of guiding and nurturing her submissive partner can strengthen her sense of authority and fulfillment, promoting a balanced dynamic where both partners feel valued and respected. This mutual respect and admiration enhance intimacy, as both individuals are free to explore their desires and boundaries within a safe and consensual framework.

One significant benefit of male submission is the enhancement of trust within the relationship. Trust is built as both partners communicate openly about their needs and boundaries, creating a secure space for vulnerability and honesty. This transparent communication is essential for developing a strong emotional bond, which in turn leads to a deeper and more meaningful connection.

Common misconceptions about male submission often paint it as a sign of weakness or inferiority. However, many individuals who have embraced this dynamic attest to the contrary. For instance, John, a submissive male, shares, “Submitting to my partner has been one of the most empowering experiences of my life. It has allowed me to be true to myself and has brought us closer than ever before.” Similarly, Jessica, a dominant female, states, “Having a submissive partner has strengthened our relationship in ways I never imagined. It has deepened our trust and intimacy, making us more connected.”

Ultimately, the benefits of male submission in a Femdom relationship are multifaceted, contributing to personal growth, emotional bonding, and a deeper, more fulfilling connection between partners. By challenging traditional gender roles and embracing their authentic selves, both partners can experience a dynamic that is both empowering and satisfying.

Article MissBonnie 2024

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Male Sexual Arousal

You’re a man. Your sexual buttons are pushed easily, as marketing experts, pornography producers as well as Hollywood moviemakers will prove daily. Almost anything – that is advertised with the man in mind – has a hidden sexual motive. Nearly any movie has hidden persuaders deliberately incorporated and pornography of course is obvious. While the objective usually is to make you buy something – a car, a movie ticket, a soft drink or whatever – the side-effect is that you get turned on subconsciously frequently during the day.

Within a BDSM context the daily “turn ons” are even bigger, since you will – consciously or subconsciously – be attracted to many more fetishes, such as leather, high heels or even a dog collar.

Fetishism is perfectly normal

The social conditioning, that we talked about earlier, brought about something else: stygmatizing “fetishism” as abnormal. Of course, if sex is a reward for good social behavior, you (the government or the religion or whatever other regulator) don’t want other incentives that produce a similar effect to what you want to achieve, so you condemn everything else as “wrong”.

The current double social standard is that fetishism and non-mainstream sex are still largely condemned by such powerful and influential social entities as governments, religions, feminist action groups and others, while society at the same time will praise Steven Spielberg (ever wondered why “Jaws” is so appealing?) as a contribution to society, Hollywood still is the major source of visual entertainment (which includes movies such as “Basic Instincts”) and girl-popstars like Britney Spears try to convince the world that their “ooohs” and “aahs” have no sexual connotation whatsoever and they’re NOT a sex symbol.

What is fetishism?

A fetish is a sexual turn on and it can be anything: the sight of a girl on the beach in a bikini, the thrill of a well-turned leg, the sight of a smoothly rounded bottom in a tight pair of jeans, the tempting crevice of a cleavage disappearing into a blouse, you name it. Quite often a fetish doesn’t have to be such an explicit image as the above. Leather upholstery in luxurious sport cars for example has everything to do with the fact that the scent and feel of leather – even outside the BDSM-realm – to many is a (hidden) sexual turn on.

Several years ago a Japanese camera producer – Asahi Pentax – had difficulty selling telelenses. A marketing-psychologist was brought in to try and dertemine what the problem was. His first conclusion, after research, was that the vast majority of men – interested in buying long range telelenses, did NOT by these because they wanted to make pictures of birds and other animals, or wanted to do sports photography. Their hidden motive appeared to be that almost every men – potentially interested in buying a telelens – wanted to do so because he hoped to make a snapshot of his neighbors’ wife or daughter in bath or otherwise naked. As a result: the psychologist advised to advertize the lenses in UPRIGHT positions only (i.e. as a phallus symbol). As a result the salesfigures of telelenses suddenly skyrocketed!

You might be saying – what is there that doesn’t turn men on? And you’d be right – somewhere, someone is being turned on right now by things you never even thought of. It is the peculiarity of the male sexual being that so many things, so little understood, can be sexual stimuli. Your girlfriend may have long flowing locks and long hair may become a compelling stimulus. Other men report similar effects of their first sexual experience – as if, in some way, the various sights and sounds present at that first crucial moment become an imprint for later turn-ons. (Better tell your son to be careful where he first makes out – best if he does it at home in a safe, loving environment with contraception at hand)

Then there is the stimulus of naughty talk – a reaction, perhaps, by the child inside us to being prim and proper, so that simply using naughty words is exciting and stimulating: the same logic might apply to making love in forbidden or risky situations where there is the risk of discovery – the additional adrenaline may simply heighten the excitement and make all the stimuli more intense. This isn’t really high science, though, it’s more like common-sense. What is more difficult to explain are the – what psycholigists, psychiatrists, legislators and doctors will still quickly label – “paraphilias” – in their (outdated) opinion “the bizarre or outlandish sexual stimulii” such as cross-dressing, exhibitionism, voyeurism, high heels, red lingerie, BDSM and so on.

Various ideas have been put forward to explain all this: for example, that men feel guilty about sex and seek somehow to transfer their sexual feelings to objects like underwear, or high heels, which may or may not have an obvious sexual connotation. ALL THIS IS UTTER NONSENS!!! and you shouldn’t worry about it. What de facto is the matter is that from an evolutionary/genetic point of view reproduction (which requires sex) is the number one obligation for any species and that hidden or less hidden persuaders are as normal to birds or elephants as they should be to us. Birds are often multi-colored for that purpose. Squids even produce bio-energetic light to attract the other species. Frogs wake entire towns literally “yelling” out their hornyness and so do crickets.

SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE AS NORMAL AS TRAFFIC LIGHTS.

Their main function is to make a man (elephant, shark or mosquito alike) horny so they will feel the urge to reproduce. True, we’re humans and not animals but that doesn’t mean the signals and effects aren’t there.

Of course, it’s great to feel the rising tide of sexual excitement that results from being near a loved one, or a sexual partner, or even a friend with whom a comfortable sexual relationship but little emotional commitment exists (the nice idea of the gay “fuck buddy” comes in this category: a relationship based on sexual pleasure alone – a relationship which many straight men would accept instantly if it were on offer to them: think of it – sex with no commitment. Wow! Now – is that stereotypical male thinking, and if it is, does it come from our genetic make-up or our learned experiences and attitudes? ). The subtlety of male arousal is such that even a glance, the touch of a lover’s hand, the smell of a lover’s hair, the sight or scent of their clothes (especially fresh off their body), can stir a man’s sexual interest.

That is one of most exciting aspects of being a man – that sudden sexual excitement, the spontaneous erection, the surge of desire that takes one by surprise, the sheer urgent, sexiness of it all. While in the end emotional connection is more satisfying, and, with the right partner, can reinforce one’s sense of self and one’s sense of masculinity, the “instant pleasure buttons” any man has shouldn’t be ignored or denied. Yes they can be – and should be – fun and there is no reason why you shouldn’t just enjoy this innocent sexual pleasure.

Listen to your body

There is nothing wrong with listening to your body. Your physical sexual respons to your environment is a very complex process of hormonal reactions, most of which is yet to be mapped and understood by science – the process as well as the complex set of triggers, reactions and mental and physical responses.

As a result, the most important as well as sensible thing to do is – within the context of your personal situation – to listen to your body, get the monkeys off your back and open yourself up to your sexual needs, desires and reactions.

And, talk about them! Tell your partner when you feel aroused and – if you know – why. Not only does that bring about a better understanding of what you are and what turns you on, it also makes it clear to her when your aroused (horny) and why and very likely BOTH of you will enjoy the moment. While that doesn’t HAVE to result in actual, instant intercourse, there is nothing wrong with a quicky on the kitchen table either and that can and will sometimes greatly improve your relationship.

Your partner is probably a fetish

It is very likely that your partner, as a person or (parts of) her body are a fetish to you. This might be anything, but very likely it will be her hair, mouth, neck, breasts, butt, legs or something and usually more than one thing. While we are (social conventions again) NOT to like and desire women for their body, that is exactly one of the things that you should learn to communicate about.

We need to explain yet another double social standard. We – men – are indeed taught not to like women for their body. While at the same time we’re bombarded with conflicting signals: from sexy dresses, to perfume – from hairdo to just about any commercial. Of course all of that is NOT an open invitation to rape and sexual harrassement! But is IS a signal that you will respond to and are supposed to respond to (albeit in a civilized way). The opinion – spread by feminist groups and others – that women are allowed to dress the way they want to and that men are not supposed to interpret that as a sexual signal is far to easy and actually both pretty cheap as well as untrue. Of course is short skirt is a sexual signal – so is a bikini, so is lipstick, so is perfume. It may very well not be JUST and ONLY a sexual signal, but it is a pretty naive idea that you can put on a perfume that has all the hidden aromatic persuaders in it and expect men NOT to respond to it.

So, do respond to it (towards your partner that is, not the female sitting next to you in the bus!). If you like her legs – tell her!

On top of that – most men fantasize about “different ways of having sex” – different as in having oral sex, anal sex or cumming between her breasts, all over her face or in her hair. The fact of the matter is that most women fantasize about exactly that (fantasies about being raped, abducted or being used as a sexual object or being a whore or a slut are the most common ones among women). So don’t be afraid you’ll shock her if you tell her about your fetish, because it is very likely she’ll have the same one or at least a similar one of her own.

And here is another helpful hint: the vast majority of women fantasize about what they will describe as “male men” (truckdrivers, man smelling of diesel, freshly cut wood and – VERY IMPORTANT – fresh sweat as well as men in business attire). So, be male – down to earth feet in the clay male – chances are she’ll love you for it.

Physical and mental attraction

Many people try to make a difference between physical and mental attraction. In fact: women (while communicating they want to be valued for their mental attraction) put a lot of emphasys on their physical ability to attract men (and in the process sexually compete with other women). That can often be very confusing. The important part is in “attraction”, regardless where it comes from. Attraction is the bridgehead – for sex, for communication, actually for the entire relationship. Attraction is what started it between the two (or three of four) of you.

Fact of the matter is that there is actual very little difference between phsyical or mental attraction and that every sexual/emotional interaction between men and women is a combination of both. Picture this: this gorgious blond suddenly walks into your life and while she’s physically everything you ever desired, she has this horrible accent and can only talk about her mother and TV-soaps. Will she still attract you once she opens her mouth? Probably not. And that is what it is all about.

What scientists will tell you (man) is that you are easily aroused and aroused by many different things, either solo or in combination. And that it happens hundreds of times a day. Scientists believe the male mind is drawn to some sort sort of sexual stimulation as often as 700 times a day. In very simple, very unscientific terms: you are pretty trigger happy bastard, to put it mildly. And we started this chapter with telling you that you’re probably aroused more times through reading Life Magazine or looking at the billboards or watching a movie.

What is important first of all is to understand that this happens and that – the two of – you might as well use it to your advantage, for starters by telling each other about it. That is you telling her. By doing so, even if at first she may feel threatened by it, you’re telling her a lot about how that happy trigger works. Information she can next use to pump up the volume, so to speak. Women are not exactly stupid and there is nothing wrong with telling them what turns you on. The idea of course is SHE turns you on. Because that is what brings things back to basics and allows you to follow what your genes are basically programmed for. This is not the same as having her belly-dance every night of course – the idea is to share and use useful information that BOTH of your can use to your mutual benefit.

Once you’ve gotten there, actually the only other thing you need to master is to ASK her, about what turns her on. Do both – tell and ask – and you’re very likely on the road to a very happy sexlife.

©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm.He the chairman for poweroticFoundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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Men Can Have Better Sex

“Honey, it’s not a race!” That is what many women will tell their partner during – and especially AFTER – they have sex. And indeed it is not a race. Yet the question is if men can help it if they feel that sex – and especially the actual intercourse – is a physical achievement. Because if you’re a man, that is what it feels like.

And it happens for a very simple reason. Men are biologically programmed to do one thing as often and as good as they can: to fertilize as many females, as often as realistically possible. This is because that is what their genetic encoding tells them to do. It is the result of the survival of the species and this is what male mammals do. In fact, that is the prime task of any male species.

While we are not apes or rabbits, and much of this of course is socially unacceptable, that is what evolution has been grinding in for tens of thousands of years. And as much as a modern man doesn’t want to procreate non-stop, a large part of this – albeit redundant – genetic encoding is still very much there. And since it took so long to develop, expecting that the individual male will be able to erase it in one lifetime – or even in ten or twenty generations – is totally unrealistic.

Deep down inside – driven by reflexes and not by deliberate reasoning or by choice – men will only want one thing: get in and produce a powerful blast of sperm into the vagina – as far as possible and as much as possible. Again, that is their genetic duty. Their contribution to the survival of the species. For that reason the male orgasm largely feels like an explosion: pressure being built up until it nearly bursts and then he will give everything to blast it out as far as he can. His body will react just like that and will roll all his physical energy and musclepower into one tiny ball of semen and eject it, preferably with “rocket” force. (the reality requires that – although it feels very different – men actually do not exactly “shoot very far”. The best of us will manage only a few inches, but then, only half an inch is enough).

Additionally – his genetic reflexes will tell him to do all of this as quickly as possible while holding on to the female with all his strength, so the chances that the female will run and the sperm will not be used for its original design are minimal.

So, genetic encoding tells him: get it in RAPIDLY, get it in DEEP and DUMP THE PAYLOAD, no matter what the cost. The male sex hormones – driven by genetic encoding and cortex reflexes – will tell his body to do exactly that and nothing else. In that sense the human male – like any other male species – is much like a B52 bomber when it comes to sex.

The new gadget: sex for mutual fun

Evolutionary speaking, “sex for fun” is a relatively new gadget that has only been around for the last few thousand years of evolution. Ten minutes or so on the evolutionary clock. “Sex for mutual fun” – again in evolutionary terms – is something BRAND NEW, only discovered a few centuries ago. Hence – regardless how many generations have since passed – it is still something that is very much in the early adapting and learning stages.

Learning is FUN

We told you about the “female side” monkey. Here is one of its cousins: learning is a mutual thing. Men do not just have to learn about the female sexuality. BOTH still very much have to learn about the other.

In fact, learning about sex is largely a very new thing and poorly developed. Something that society in general hasn’t even fully adapted. We are still very much supposed to “know” about sex. It is not something you talk about openly and freely (just look at the constant attempts by various governments, religious fanatics and politicians to try and gag those, trying to talk about it freely, for example on the Internet). Which – for example – is why a country like the United States, when it comes to teen mothers, beats the average third world country in the negative sense of the word.

Experimenting, exploring, discovering is NOT WRONG, no matter what politicians or others may tell you. It is how we – the human race – learn. We’ve learned to identify what types of food are indeed food and which are poisonous by trial and error. Athletes learn by trying to experiment with their body and their abilities. Babies learn by feeling, trying and exploring. Sexuality is no different! And, exploring and learning is FUN. It should be. If it wasn’t we would never learn anything!

So, every time she says “Honey, it’s not a race!” you aren’t doing something wrong. Both of you are! Simply because BLAMING DOESN’T BELONG IN BED.

Communication is the lubricant and the tool that will help both of you (and we’ll come to talk about that). Through communication and exploration you’ll both find what is fun for both of you. And partners will need to teach each other.

Here is where we are touching on a specific difference between general sex and BDSM. In a BDSM context the power dynamics will be different. As a result, the submissive partner will expect the dominant to set the tone and the submissive will follow. That is usually not very helpful to the situation. BOTH partners – regardless the BDSM dynamics – will have to teach each other and dom/sub dynamics have a tendency to get in the way. Strict role behavior and the natural tendency of the submissive to try and please are likely to form a barrier, leaving one of the partners (partially) unfulfilled and blocking the road to growth. This is where a lot of uncertainties (for dominant partners) and self-blaming (for submissive partners) originates from.

The controlled rat race

So, if it is a rat race, what do you do to avoid it? You may have guessed – for starters you probably can’t avoid it. But …you can learn to control it and turn it into a well organized rat race that is fun for both.

Turning over and going to sleep

“When he’s done he turns over and falls asleep.” How often have men been confronted with that. And quite frankly, it is not only true, there is also very little he can do about it. The male orgasm is intense, physically intense; and the huge flows of adrenaline, combined with the sudden cut off of the tension and the physical release is what causes him to feel totally exhausted and he needs time to recuperate. Hence, it is NOT WRONG for a man to feel tired and sleepy immediately after an orgasm. It is what his body tells him to do.

Unfortunately, the female orgasm and the male orgasm do not develop at the same pace and as result, by the time the man is done the woman isn’t even half way done. And his fatigue – which to her seems to be lack of interest – is her biggest disappointment. As a result, what both of you need to learn is to get your timing right. Which is why introductory play – or foreplay – is so important. Maybe not to him, but most certainly to her.

Unfortunately, during sex the erected penis literally is a loaded barrel, ready to explode any time and the longer it is kept erected, the more likely the orgasm is to come instantly (quite often almost immediately upon penetrating the vagina). And not all men are capable to maintain an erection for a very long time.

A frequently asked question: why is it that nature hasn’t taken care of “in sync” orgasms for the male and female? The answer again is in genetics and evolution. If you are a woman, you may want to brace yourself for what is coming.

From the point of reproduction there is no need for a female orgasm. She doesn’t need one – at least not as an incentive. She is the passive half of the reproduction process and will be fertilized, orgasm or no orgasm. The man, however, is to be lured into wanting to deposit his seed – hence it should be fun, hence an incentive, hence the orgasm.

That is also why the female orgasm is different from the male. The male orgasm is largely a physical driven one (although fantasy does play an increasing role in the male orgasm) – the female is a mentally (fantasy and emotions/feeling) driven one. For women the concept of sex for fun is much older – simply because the only function of the female orgasm is FUN (in the sense that there is no biogenetical reason for it). So, as far as sex for fun is concerned, the men are several hundreds (maybe thousands) of years behind. They are – sad but very true – evolutionary speaking – still seed-machines. Very efficient machines, but …still.

That is not entirely true of course. Men too have discovered the sex for fun concept and quite a long time ago. Unfortunately, there are frequent conflicts between what his genetic duties tell his body to do and what his mind wants to do.

So what to do? Well, actually it isn’t that difficult. As opposed to widespread urban legends: MEN DO HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO HAVE MULTIPLE ORGASMS. Just not in the same way as their female partners. In other words, it isn’t a constant flow (the female “waves of orgasms”). Instead, he needs a bit of time in between before he can charge himself up again. And a simple way to do that is to make sure you eat a bit in between, preferably sugar or chocolate or a banana – anything that will give a quick energy boost. So – have an orgasm, grab a bite to eat (nothing can be more romantic), maybe have a glass of sweet wine and get ready for the next part of the session.

“Honey, was it good for you too?”

On to the the next monkey. Let’s face it, your genes don’t care if it was good for her or not. Your genes just tell you to dump the load, whether she likes that or not. The problem again is that what your genes tell you to do is not exactly socially acceptable and very likely not even what you want either. But then, genes don’t care about social conventions or other motives. They just care about reproduction.

Fact of the matter is that both the male and the female orgasm are VERY SELFISH EXPERIENCES. The orgasm is something for YOU, not for your partner. Neither can “share” the individual orgasm with the other, nor does anyone want to. At best – if you’re lucky – you can orgasm simultaniously. But that will still be two individuals, each in their own orgasmic trance.

Hence, the idea is to control the rat race by understanding and a bit of planning. But most of all by NOT WORRYING. Sex does not have to end in an orgasm for both and most certainly not in a simultaneous orgasm. And an orgasm (and especially an ejaculation [cumming]) has long ceased to be an obligation, regardless of what your genes would like you to believe. If either of you “didn’t make it”, that’s perfectly okay. In fact, women especially will often not mind, since the orgasm itself is only partially what sex is about to them. The intimacy, the cuddling, the whatever-else-she-likes will usually be much more important. And, in a BDSM-setting the orgasm will actually be much more of a release valve and not so much the goal of the entire thing.

Four hints for successful sex

  • 1. An orgasm is not a goal, the intimacy is. No orgasm is not a disaster – in fact, the orgasm, yours or hers, is nice to have but entirely unimportant (unless you are really planning to create offspring, in which case HIS ejaculation – which is not the same as an orgasm – IS important)
  • 2. Simultaneous orgasms are PURE LUCK – if it happens it is great, but the chances are 100 to 1 that it won’t, so don’t bother.
  • 3. The trick is in planning. There are many ways to achieve an orgasm. If you bring HER to an orgasm and masturbate to have your own later, that is perfectly okay, for example. As a man having an orgasm is easy, so the emphasis should be on her – it takes her longer to get there and it takes more effort. So if it is important to you both to have an orgasm during sex, make sure she gets there first. You can either “hop on the train when she’s close to the station” or have your own orgasm later.
  • 4. Take the stress out of your lovemaking. Stress is sex and libido killer number one. Stress at work, stress at home, stress in the relationship, financial stress AND stress because you feel your sex has to accomplish something are all very negative influences. Relaxation helps. Make it fun and take your time. Have a shower or even better a bath first (the Japanese have turned bathing into an artform in itself), go romantic, go kinky, go sexy, go exciting, but DO something to take your mind off the daily stress and worries. Creative sex, with regular changes and surprises, also improves your sexlife.



©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm. He was the chairman for poweroticsFoundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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