Pain-Free Ways to Play with Femdom Masochist Male Submissive: Beyond Impact Play

Introduction to Pain-Free Femdom Play

In the diverse and intricate world of BDSM, impact play often takes center stage for many couples exploring dominant and submissive dynamics. However, it is essential to recognize that there are myriad ways to engage in femdom masochist play that do not necessarily involve physical pain. Pain-free BDSM activities offer a unique and equally fulfilling avenue for those interested in exploring dominance and submission (D/s) without the use of impact implements such as paddles, whips, or floggers.

One fundamental aspect of any BDSM relationship, including pain-free femdom play, is the unwavering emphasis on safety and consent. Safety protocols are paramount in ensuring that all parties involved are protected from physical and emotional harm. Establishing clear boundaries and using safe words or signals can significantly enhance the experience by fostering a sense of trust and mutual respect. Consent, on the other hand, is the cornerstone of any BDSM interaction. Both parties must willingly and enthusiastically agree to the activities being undertaken, ensuring that the experience remains consensual and enjoyable for all involved.

Pain-free femdom play can encompass a wide range of activities, from psychological domination to sensory play, role-playing, and beyond. These activities allow both the dominant and submissive partners to explore their desires and fantasies in a safe, controlled environment. For instance, psychological domination can involve verbal commands, humiliation, or control over daily activities, while sensory play might include the use of feathers, ice, or other non-painful stimuli to heighten sensations.

By exploring these pain-free options, couples can deepen their connection and understanding of each other’s boundaries and preferences. This approach not only broadens the scope of femdom masochist play but also reinforces the vital principles of safety and consent that underpin all BDSM activities.

So what can you try?

Hot Sauce Play and Safety

Hot sauce play offers a unique and thrilling dimension to BDSM dynamics, particularly for those interested in exploring the boundaries of pain and pleasure without resorting to physical impact. The essence of hot sauce play lies in the application of spicy substances to the skin, which induces a burning sensation that can range from mildly irritating to intensely painful, depending on the type and concentration of the hot sauce used.

To engage in hot sauce play safely, it is crucial to select an appropriate hot sauce. Typically, sauces with a lower Scoville rating are recommended for beginners. Before applying any hot sauce, conduct a patch test on a small area of skin to ensure there is no adverse reaction. The most common areas for application include the inner thigh, back, and buttocks, as these regions are generally less sensitive than others. However, caution must be exercised to avoid applying hot sauce to mucous membranes, open wounds, or highly sensitive areas such as the eyes, genitals, and face.

When applying hot sauce, it is advisable to use a cotton ball or swab to control the amount and spread of the substance. Start with a small quantity and gradually increase as tolerated. Communication between partners is paramount; establish a safe word or gesture that allows the submissive to signal if the sensation becomes unbearable. Keep in mind that the intensity of the burning sensation can escalate over time, so continuous monitoring is essential.

In the event that the sensation becomes too intense, neutralizing the hot sauce can be achieved by washing the area with cool water and a mild soap. Dairy products, such as milk or yogurt, can also help to soothe the burn due to their fat content, which breaks down the capsaicin responsible for the heat. Always have these neutralizing agents readily available during play. Furthermore, aftercare is an integral part of hot sauce play; it involves ensuring the submissive is comfortable, hydrated, and reassured post-experience.

By adhering to these safety guidelines, hot sauce play can be an exhilarating yet safe way to explore the dynamics of power and pain in a BDSM context, enriching the experience for both dominant and submissive participants.

Figging and Safety

Figging, the practice of inserting a peeled piece of ginger root into the anus, is a method utilized within the realm of BDSM to induce a unique form of discomfort. Unlike more intense practices such as impact play, figging offers a milder yet still effective way to explore sensations. This technique is particularly valued for its ability to provide a controlled level of discomfort, enhancing the dynamic between a Femdom and her masochist male submissive.

To begin, it is crucial to select a fresh ginger root. Freshness ensures that the ginger retains its potency and optimal texture. The root should be peeled carefully, removing all the skin to expose the flesh underneath. Shaping the ginger into a smooth, tapered form with no sharp edges will facilitate comfortable insertion and minimize the risk of injury. A length of approximately two to three inches is typically sufficient, with a diameter that feels manageable for the submissive.

Prior to insertion, both parties should engage in thorough communication regarding boundaries and comfort levels. Establishing a safe word or signal is essential. Lubrication is optional; however, it can ease insertion and reduce initial discomfort. The dominant should gently insert the ginger, monitoring the submissive’s reactions closely. The ginger’s natural compounds create a warm, tingling sensation that intensifies gradually, offering a unique form of stimulus.

Safety is paramount when engaging in figging. Regularly check for any signs of excessive irritation or allergic reaction. The ginger should remain in place for no longer than 15 to 20 minutes to prevent skin damage. After removal, rinsing the area with cool water can alleviate any residual discomfort. Both parties should debrief to discuss the experience, ensuring that the submissive’s well-being is prioritized at all times.

Figging, when practiced with care and open communication, can be a rewarding addition to the repertoire of pain-free ways to play. By adhering to proper preparation and safety measures, it is possible to explore this method in a manner that enhances trust and mutual satisfaction within the dynamic.

Clothes Pins and Safety

clipped penis

Clothes pins, often overlooked as a tool in the realm of femdom and male submissive play, can be remarkably effective in creating a range of sensations on the skin. The versatility of clothes pins makes them a valuable addition to any arsenal of pain-free play. When used correctly, they can provide a heightened sense of awareness and intimacy between partners.

There are several types of clothes pins to consider. Wooden pins are the most traditional and provide a firm grip with a moderate level of pressure. Plastic pins, on the other hand, are often lighter and can be easier to handle, making them ideal for extended sessions. Additionally, there are specialty pins designed specifically for BDSM play, which can vary in pressure and grip strength.

Applying clothes pins safely is crucial to ensure an enjoyable experience without causing unnecessary pain or bruising. Start by selecting a small area of the skin, such as the nipples or the inner thighs. Gently attach the clothes pins, ensuring they are not too tight. It is essential to communicate with your partner throughout the process to gauge their comfort level and adjust accordingly. Remember, the goal is to create pleasurable sensations, not to cause harm.

When it comes to removing the clothes pins, it is equally important to do so with care. Slowly release the pressure of the pin before detaching it from the skin to avoid any sudden discomfort. For those new to this type of play, it may be helpful to apply a warm compress to the area afterward to soothe the skin and prevent bruising.

By understanding the different types of clothes pins and following these safety tips, couples can explore new dimensions of sensation and connection. This approach ensures a pain-free, enjoyable experience that enhances the dynamic between a femdom and her masochist male submissive partner.

you might also like to read more on clamps in play

Wartenberg Wheels and Safety

Wartenberg wheels are unique tools designed to create a variety of tingling sensations on the skin, making them an excellent addition to the repertoire of those exploring femdom and masochist dynamics beyond impact play. Using these wheels correctly can enhance the sensory experience without causing harm. It’s crucial to choose the right Wartenberg wheel for the intended purpose, as they come in different sizes and with varying sharpness of the spikes.

When selecting a Wartenberg wheel, consider the sensitivity of your partner’s skin and the level of sensation they are comfortable with. For beginners, a wheel with fewer and blunter spikes is advisable to avoid accidental injury. As familiarity and comfort increase, wheels with sharper spikes can be introduced to intensify the experience.

Optimal areas for using Wartenberg wheels include the back, arms, legs, and other fleshy parts of the body. These areas provide a good balance between sensitivity and safety. The face, neck, and other highly sensitive or thin-skinned areas should generally be avoided, especially for those new to this practice, to prevent accidental injury. Always communicate with your partner and observe their reactions closely to ensure their comfort and safety.

Safety measures are paramount when incorporating Wartenberg wheels into your play. First, ensure that the wheel is clean and sanitized before and after each use to prevent infections. Avoid pressing too hard; the goal is to create a tingling sensation rather than breaking the skin. If any redness or discomfort occurs, stop immediately and assess the situation. It is also beneficial to keep a first aid kit nearby in case of any minor injuries.

In summary, Wartenberg wheels can be a delightful way to explore new sensations in a pain-free manner, provided they are used with caution and care. Selecting the appropriate wheel, targeting safe areas of the body, and adhering to safety protocols will ensure a pleasurable and safe experience for both partners.

Electroplay and Safety

Electroplay is a fascinating aspect of BDSM that involves using electrical currents to stimulate the body, offering unique sensations that can range from mild tingles to intense jolts. This form of play requires a deep understanding of the devices used and an unwavering commitment to safety to ensure a pleasurable experience for both the dominant and the submissive.

Various devices are available for electroplay, each designed to provide different levels of stimulation. Common tools include TENS units, violet wands, and E-stim devices. TENS units, often used in physical therapy, deliver mild electrical pulses through adhesive pads placed on the skin. Violet wands, on the other hand, use glass electrodes to create an electrifying sensation across the skin’s surface. E-stim devices are more advanced, allowing for customizable intensity and patterns of electrical currents.

When engaging in electroplay, it is paramount to understand the electrical limits of the human body to avoid serious injury. The skin’s resistance and the current’s intensity play significant roles in determining the sensation and safety of the experience. Beginners should start with low-intensity settings and gradually increase the power as they become more comfortable. Always avoid using electrical devices near the heart, head, or any broken skin to prevent severe complications.

Communication between partners is crucial during electroplay. Establishing a safe word or signal ensures that the submissive can communicate discomfort or the need to stop at any time. Additionally, the dominant should regularly check in with the submissive to ensure their well-being throughout the session.

Proper maintenance and handling of electroplay devices are also essential. Regularly inspect the equipment for any damage or wear, and follow the manufacturer’s instructions for safe usage. Ensuring that all devices are clean and in good working order minimizes the risk of accidents and enhances the overall experience.

In essence, electroplay can be a thrilling addition to BDSM activities, offering a spectrum of sensations that go beyond traditional impact play. By prioritizing safety, understanding the tools, and maintaining open communication, participants can explore this electrifying form of play with confidence and enjoyment.

Wax Play and Safety

Wax play is a popular form of sensation play within the realm of BDSM, offering a unique and intense experience for both the femdom and the masochist male submissive. It involves the controlled dripping of hot wax onto the skin, creating a combination of warmth and mild pain that many find pleasurable. However, safety is paramount to ensure that the experience remains enjoyable and free from harm.

The type of wax used in wax play is crucial. Not all waxes are created equal, and using the wrong type can lead to severe burns or skin irritation. The safest choices are usually paraffin, soy, or beeswax candles, as they tend to have lower melting points compared to other types of wax. Avoid candles made from materials like stearin, which burn at higher temperatures and can cause significant harm to the skin.

Temperature control is another vital aspect of wax play. It’s important to test the wax temperature before applying it to your partner’s skin. This can be done by dripping a small amount onto your own wrist or forearm. The wax should feel warm but not overly hot. Additionally, keeping the wax at a safe distance from the skin while dripping can help mitigate the risk of burns. Generally, holding the candle about 18 inches above the skin is a good rule of thumb.

When it comes to application methods, slow and steady is the best approach. Start with small amounts of wax and gradually increase the quantity as your partner becomes more accustomed to the sensation. Communication is key during this process; always check in with your partner to ensure they are comfortable and not in excessive pain. It’s also advisable to have a safe word in place that can be used to pause or stop the activity if needed.

Post-play care is just as important as the actual wax play. Gently remove any remaining wax using a blunt-edged tool or your fingers, and avoid using sharp objects that could cut the skin. Afterward, soothe the skin with a moisturizing lotion or aloe vera to alleviate any potential irritation.

By understanding the types of wax that are safe to use, mastering the methods of application, and managing the temperature effectively, you can engage in wax play that is both thrilling and safe. This ensures a positive and pain-free experience for both the femdom and the masochist male submissive, allowing for deeper connection and enjoyment.

Stress Positions and Predicament Bondage

Stress positions and predicament bondage offer unique methods to inflict discomfort without resorting to impact play. These techniques focus on positioning the submissive in ways that can become uncomfortable over time, thereby enhancing the dynamic between the dominant and submissive. Unlike traditional forms of impact play, stress positions and predicament bondage rely on the body’s natural reactions to uncomfortable stances, making them an intriguing alternative.

Various stress positions can be employed, each designed to challenge the submissive’s endurance and mental fortitude. Common examples include the “wall sit,” where the submissive holds a squatting position against a wall, and the “plank,” where they maintain a push-up stance. These positions are straightforward yet effective in creating the desired discomfort. Additionally, more complex positions can be utilized, such as holding a weight in extended arms or balancing on one leg. The key is to select positions that can be held safely for a period but will become increasingly taxing over time.

When setting up stress positions, safety should always be a priority. It is essential to ensure the submissive can maintain the position without causing harm. Using padded surfaces or supportive props can help mitigate the risk of injury. Clear communication is crucial; both parties should agree on safe words or signals to indicate when a position needs to be adjusted or ended. Monitoring the submissive’s physical and emotional state is equally important, as prolonged stress positions can lead to strain or injury if not managed properly.

Predicament bondage, a variation of stress positions, involves placing the submissive in a scenario where they must choose between two discomforts. For example, they might be positioned such that moving in one direction causes pain, while staying still results in muscle fatigue. This adds a psychological element to the physical challenge, enhancing the overall experience. As with stress positions, the dominant must keep a close watch on their partner’s well-being, ensuring the predicament remains within safe and consensual boundaries.

By incorporating stress positions and predicament bondage into your play, you can explore new dimensions of power dynamics while prioritizing safety and consent. These techniques offer a versatile and engaging way to experience discomfort, making them a valuable addition to any femdom masochist male submissive relationship.

Uncooked Rice Play and Safety

Uncooked rice play is a unique and often underexplored method within the realm of femdom masochist activities, offering a distinctive blend of discomfort and endurance without the need for impact play. The concept is relatively simple: the submissive is required to kneel on a surface covered with uncooked rice. Despite its simplicity, uncooked rice play can evoke intense sensations due to the pressure points created by the individual grains, making it a powerful tool for those seeking a pain-free yet challenging experience.

To set up uncooked rice play, begin by selecting a suitable surface. A hard, flat area such as a tiled or wooden floor is preferable. Spread a generous layer of uncooked rice, ensuring an even distribution to avoid concentrated pressure points that could lead to skin damage. For added safety and hygiene, consider placing the rice on a clean towel or mat. This setup minimizes the risk of infection from potential skin abrasions.

Before commencing the play, clear communication between the dominant and submissive is essential. Establish safe words or signals that allow the submissive to express discomfort or the need to stop if the sensations become overwhelming. Monitoring the duration of the kneeling is crucial; prolonged exposure to the pressure points can cause bruising or cuts, especially on sensitive skin. Start with short intervals, gradually increasing the duration as the submissive becomes more accustomed to the sensations.

Post-play care is equally important. After the session, inspect the submissive’s knees for any signs of redness, swelling, or broken skin. Applying a soothing lotion or antiseptic cream can help alleviate any irritation and prevent infections. Encourage the submissive to rest and hydrate, aiding in overall recovery.

Uncooked rice play, when conducted with careful planning and attention to safety, can provide an exhilarating alternative to traditional impact play. By adhering to these guidelines, both participants can enjoy a fulfilling and pain-free exploration of their dynamic.

Ice Play and Safety

Ice play, a popular form of sensation play in BDSM, utilizes the stark contrast of cold to electrify the senses and heighten the overall experience. This technique can be an exhilarating way to engage a masochist male submissive, offering a unique alternative to more traditional methods like impact play. The application of ice on the skin can range from a gentle, teasing touch to a more intense, sustained sensation, making it a versatile tool in any Femdom’s repertoire.

To begin, it’s important to understand the various ways ice can be incorporated into play. Simple methods include running an ice cube over the skin, allowing the cold to provoke delightful shivers and heightened sensitivity. For an advanced experience, ice can be combined with other elements such as wax or heat, creating a juxtaposition of sensations that can be both thrilling and challenging for the submissive.

However, safety is paramount when engaging in ice play. The primary risk associated with this practice is frostbite or other cold-related injuries. To mitigate these risks, it is crucial to never leave ice in direct contact with the skin for extended periods. Instead, opt for intermittent application, allowing the skin to warm up between sessions. Wrapping the ice in a soft cloth or using ice packs designed for skin contact can also help reduce the risk of frostbite.

Additionally, continuously communicate with your submissive to gauge their comfort levels and ensure their well-being. Monitoring the skin for signs of excessive redness, numbness, or pain is essential. If any of these symptoms appear, promptly cease the activity and allow the skin to return to a normal temperature.

By adhering to these safety guidelines and remaining attentive to your submissive’s responses, ice play can be a thrilling and safe addition to your BDSM practices. This method not only deepens the connection between Dominant and submissive but also expands the range of sensations that can be explored, ensuring a diverse and fulfilling experience.

Needle Play and Safety

Needle play is a form of sensation play that involves the use of sterile needles to create controlled punctures in the skin. This practice, often enjoyed by masochist male submissives and their dominants, requires a high level of trust, precision, and adherence to safety protocols to ensure it remains a pleasurable and pain-free experience. Understanding the types of needles that can be used, the proper technique for insertion and removal, and the necessary safety measures are all crucial elements of engaging in needle play safely.

The types of needles commonly used in needle play include hypodermic needles, acupuncture needles, and sometimes medical-grade piercing needles. Hypodermic needles are typically used for their availability and varying gauge sizes, allowing for different sensations. Acupuncture needles are finer and may be preferred for more intricate patterns or lighter sensations. Regardless of the type, all needles used should be new, sterile, and disposed of properly after a single use to prevent infection.

Proper technique is essential for both insertion and removal of needles. The skin should be thoroughly cleaned with an antiseptic solution before and after the needles are applied. When inserting the needle, it should be done at a shallow angle to avoid deep tissue damage, and care should be taken to avoid areas where veins or nerves are close to the surface. The needle should glide smoothly into the skin with minimal resistance; any significant pain or resistance may indicate that the insertion angle should be adjusted. Removal should be done gently and slowly to minimize tissue trauma.

Safety measures are paramount in needle play. Ensuring a clean and sterile environment is the first step. Wearing gloves during the procedure can further reduce the risk of infection. It’s also important to have a basic understanding of first aid and to have supplies like bandages and disinfectants on hand in case of accidental injury. Monitoring the submissive’s response and ensuring they are comfortable and consensually participating at all times is critical. Open communication is key; the submissive should feel free to voice concerns or request the cessation of the activity if discomfort or distress arises.

By adhering to these guidelines, needle play can be an exciting and safe way to explore pain and pleasure dynamics within a femdom relationship. Proper preparation, technique, and safety measures ensure a positive experience for both parties involved.

Conclusion: Embracing Variety in BDSM Play

In the realm of BDSM, the dynamic between a femdom and her masochist male submissive can be enriched through a plethora of pain-free techniques. These methods not only diversify the experience but also prioritize the safety and consent of all participants involved. By exploring alternatives to impact play, such as sensory deprivation, role-playing, and psychological domination, couples can deepen their connection and enhance their mutual satisfaction.

The importance of safety and consent cannot be overstated. Establishing clear boundaries and maintaining open communication are essential for a fulfilling and respectful BDSM relationship. It is crucial to remember that the well-being of both the dominant and the submissive should always be a priority. This ensures that the experience remains enjoyable and consensual for all parties involved.

Encouraging variety in BDSM play allows for a more nuanced and intricate exploration of power dynamics. Techniques like mind games, erotic hypnosis, and sensual teasing provide opportunities for both partners to engage in a mentally stimulating and emotionally intense experience. These methods can be tailored to suit individual preferences, making each encounter unique and personalized.

Ultimately, the key to a successful BDSM relationship lies in the willingness to explore and experiment with different techniques while maintaining a strong foundation of trust and communication. By incorporating pain-free methods into their play, femdoms and their masochist male submissives can create a more diverse and enriching dynamic. This not only enhances their personal connection but also ensures that their experiences remain safe, consensual, and enjoyable.

As you venture into the world of pain-free BDSM practices, remember to respect each other’s boundaries and continuously seek mutual consent. Embracing variety in your play can lead to a deeper understanding of each other’s desires and a more fulfilling, harmonious relationship.

Resource Article MissBonnie 2024

This article is about sadism and masochism as aspects of BDSM.

Table of Contents

The term Sadism passed into common usage as the sexual or social pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person. The word is derived from the name of the Marquis de Sade, a prolific French philosopher-writer of sexually violent novels and plays. The passive counterpart of sadism is masochism, the sexual pleasure or gratification of having pain or suffering inflicted upon the self, often consisting of sexual fantasies or urges for being beaten, humiliated, bound, tortured, or otherwise made to suffer, either as an enhancement to or a substitute for sexual pleasure. The name is derived from the name of the 19th century author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, known for his novel Venus in Furs that dealt with highly masochistic themes.

However, the creator of both terms, german psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebbing wrote “By masochism I understand a peculiar perversion of the psychical vita sexualis in which the individual affected, in sexual feeling and thought, is controlled by the idea of being completely and unconditionally subject to the will of a person of the opposite sex; of being treated by this person as by a master, humiliated and abused. This idea is coloured by lustful feeling; the masochist lives in fancies, in which he creates situations of this kind and often attempts to realise them”.

This shows quite clearly that pain and physical violence in its original conception were not necessarily part of the deal. Sadism and masochism, often interrelated, are collectively known as S&M or sadomasochism.

The S&M erotica is about consented humiliation and power exchange. The words are now commonly used to describe personality traits in an emotional, rather than sexual sense. Although it is quite different from the original meaning, this usage is not entirely inaccurate. There is quite frequently a strong emotional aspect to the sexual desires, taking the form of a need for domination or submission-the desire to control another, or to be controlled, as opposed to a simple desire for pain (which is technically known as algolagnia).

Pain, violence, sex and love all are associated with the release of a variety of hormones and chemicals within the human body. Furthermore, humans have been shown to exhibit sympathetic responses in their bodies while watching, hearing, or imagining such experiences.

Endorphins are released by pain experiences and can be perceived as pleasurable and possibly psychologically addictive. It is due to this same release of endorphins that people can become addicted to self harm. In this way, the acts of self harm and engaging in masochistic behavior can be similar in function though most would agree, not in causality. Brain chemicals such as serotonin and melatonin can be affected by emotional or stressful experiences.Epinephrine and norepinephrine are released during stressful or painful experiences, and can cause a pleasurable ‘rush’. The effects of S&M on body chemistry possibly reinforce the behavior and therefore might create psychological states that seek to further such behavior.

The psychology of S&M

The terms sadism and masochism were first used consistently to describe these behaviors by the German psychiatrist Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing in his 1886 compilation of case studies Psychopathia Sexualis, a famous study. Sigmund Freud, a psychoanalyst and a contemporary of Krafft-Ebing, noted that both were often found in the same individuals, and combined the two into a single dichotomous entity known as sadomasochism (often abbreviated as S&M or S/M). This observation is commonly verified in both literature and practice; many sadists and masochists define themselves as “switchable”-capable of taking pleasure in either role. However it has also been argued (Deleuze, Coldness and Cruelty) that the concurrence of sadism and masochism in Freud’s model should not be taken for granted.

It was Freud who introduced the terms “primary” and “secondary” masochism. Though this idea has come under a number of interpretations, in a primary masochism the masochist undergoes a complete, not just a partial, rejection by the model or courted object (or sadist), possibly involving the model taking a rival as his or her preferred mate. This complete rejection is related to the death drive in Freud’s psychoanalysis (Todestrieb). In a secondary masochism, by contrast, the masochist experiences a less serious, more feigned rejection and punishment by the model. Secondary masochism, in other words, has the characteristics of a charade, and most commentators are quick to point out its contrivedness.

Rejection is not desired by a primary masochist in quite the same sense as the feigned rejection occurring within a relatively equal relationship–or even where the masochist happens to be the one having true power (this is the problematic that underlies the analyses of Deleuze and Sartre, for example). In Things Hidden Since the Foundation of The World Rene Girard attempts to resuscitate and reinterpret Freud’s distinction of primary and secondary masochism, in connection with his own philosophy.

Both Krafft-Ebing and Freud assumed that sadism in men resulted from the distortion of the aggressive component of the male sexual instinct. Masochism in men, however, was seen as a more significant aberration, contrary to the nature of male sexuality. Freud doubted that masochism in men was ever a primary tendency, and speculated that it may exist only as a transformation of sadism. Sadomasochism in women received comparatively little discussion, as it was believed that it occurred primarily in men. Both also assumed that masochism was so inherent to female sexuality that it would be difficult to distinguish as a separate inclination.

Havelock Ellis, in Studies in the Psychology of Sex, argued that there is no clear distinction between the aspects of sadism and masochism, and that they may be regarded as complementary emotional states. He also made the important point that sadomasochism is concerned only with pain in regard to sexual pleasure, and not in regard to cruelty, as Freud had suggested. In other words, the sadomasochist generally desires that the pain be inflicted or received in love, not in abuse, for the pleasure of either one or both participants. This mutual pleasure may even be essential for the satisfaction of those involved.

Here Ellis touches upon the often paradoxical nature of consensual S&M. It is not only pain to initiate pleasure, but violence-or the simulation of violence-to express love. This contradictory character is perhaps most evident in the observation by some that not only are sadomasochistic activities usually done for the benefit of the masochist, but that it is often the masochist that controls them, through subtle emotional cues received by the sadist.

In his essay Coldness and Cruelty, (originally Présentation de Sacher-Masoch, 1967) Gilles Deleuze rejects the term ‘sadomasochism’ as artificial, especially in the context of the prototypical masochistic work, Sacher-Masoch’s Venus In Furs. Deleuze instead argues that the tendency toward masochism is based on desire brought on from the delay of gratification. Taken to its extreme, an infinite delay, this is manifested as perpetual coldness. The masochist derives pleasure from, as Deleuze puts it, The Contract: the process by which he can control another individual and turn the individual into someone cold and callous. The Sadist, in contrast, derives pleasure from The Law: the unavoidable power that places one person below another. The sadist attempts to destroy the ego in an effort to unify the id and superego, in effect gratifying the most base desires the sadist can express while ignoring or completely suppressing the will of the ego, or of the conscience. Thus, Deleuze attempts to argue that Masochism and Sadism arise from such different impulses that the combination of the two terms is meaningless and misleading. The perceived sadistic capabilities of masochists are treated by Deleuze as reactions to masochism. Indeed, in the epilogue of Venus In Furs, the character of Severin has become bitter from his experiment in masochism, and advocates instead the domination of women.

Before Deleuze, however, Sartre had presented his own theory of sadism and masochism, at which Deleuze’s deconstructive attack, which took away the symmetry of the two roles, was probably directed. By virtue of the fact that the pleasure or power in looking at the victim figures prominently in sadism and masochism, Sartre was able to link these phenomena to his famous philosophy of the Look of the Other. Sartre argued that masochism is an attempt by the For-itself (consciousness) to reduce itself to nothing, becoming an object that is drowned out by the “abyss of the Other’s subjectivity” By this Sartre means that, given that the For-itself desires to attain a point of view in which it is both subject and object, one possible strategy is to gather and intensify every feeling and posture in which the self appears as an object to be rejected, tested, and humiliated; and in this way the For-itself strives toward a point of view in which there is only one subjectivity in the relationship, which would be both that of the abuser and the abused. Conversely, of course, Sartre held sadism to be the effort to annihilate the subjectivity of the victim. That would mean that the sadist, who is exhilarated in the emotional distress of the victim, is such because he or she also seeks to assume a subjectivity which would take a point of view on the victim, and on itself, as both subject and object.

This argument may appear stronger if it is somehow understood that the Look of the Other is either only an aspect of the other faculties of desire, or somehow its primary faculty. It does not account for the turn that Deleuze took for his own philosophy of these matters, but this premise of desire-as-Look is associated with the view always attacked by Deleuze, in what he regarded as the essential error of “desire as lack,” and which he identified in the philosophical temperament of Plato, Socrates, and Lacan. For Deleuze, in so far as desire is a lack it is reducible to the Look.

Finally, after Deleuze, Rene Girard included his account of sado-masochism in Things Hidden Since the Foundation of The World, originally Des choses cachées depuis la fondation du monde, 1978, making the chapter on masochism a coherent part of his theory of mimetic desire. In this view of sado-masochism, the violence of the practices are an expression of a peripheral rivalry that has developed around the actual love-object. There is clearly a similarity to Deleuze, since both in the violence surrounding the memory of mimetic crisis and its avoidance, and in the resistance to affection that is focussed on by Deleuze, there is an understanding of the value of the love object in terms of the processes of its valuation, acquisition and the test it imposes on the suitor.

Many theorists, particularly feminist theories, have suggested that sadomasochism is an inherent part of modern Western culture. According to their theories, sex and relationships are both consistently taught to be formulated within a framework of male dominance and female submission. Some of them further link this hypothesized framework to inequalities among gender, class, and race which remain a substantial part of society, despite the efforts of the civil rights movement and feminism.

There are a number of reasons commonly given for why a sadomasochist finds the practice of S&M enjoyable, and the answer is largely dependent on the individual. For some, taking on a role of compliance or helplessness offers a form of therapeutic escape; from the stresses of life, from responsibility, or from guilt. For others, being under the power of a strong, controlling presence may evoke the feelings of safety and protection associated with childhood. They likewise may derive satisfaction from earning the approval of that figure. A sadist, on the other hand, may enjoy the feeling of power and authority that comes from playing the dominant role, or receive pleasure vicariously through the suffering of the masochist. It is poorly understood, though, what ultimately connects these emotional experiences to sexual gratification, or how that connection initially forms.

It is usually agreed on by psychologists that experiences during early sexual development can have a profound effect on the character of sexuality later in life. Sadomasochistic desires, however, seem to form at a variety of ages. Some individuals report having had them before puberty, while others do not discover them until well into adulthood. According to one study, the majority of male sadomasochists (53%) developed their interest before the age of 15, while the majority of females (78%) developed their interest afterwards (Breslow, Evans, and Langley 1985). Like sexual fetishes, sadomasochism can be learned through conditioning-in this context, the repeated association of sexual pleasure with an object or stimulus.

The distinction between S&M, BDSM and D/S

BDSM is a short-hand acronym for many subdivisions of the culture: (B&D) bondage and discipline, (D&S) domination and submission, (S&M) sadism and masochism. Sadists enjoy inflicting pain; it may or may not be sexual in nature. Masochists enjoy receiving pain, which, again, may or may not be sexual. Dominance and submission is a more internal distinction, a power dynamic rather than a set of acts. Not all masochists are submissive, and not all submissives enjoy pain. Not all sadists are dominant, and not all who enjoy dominating others are sadists

Sadism and masochism in real life

The term BDSM describes the quite common activities between consenting adults that contain sadistic and masochistic elements. Many behaviors such as erotic spanking, tickling and love-bites that many people think of only as “rough” sex also contain elements of sado-masochism. Note the issue of legal consent which may or may not represent a defense to criminal liability for any more serious injuries caused.

In certain extreme cases, sadism and masochism can include fantasies, sexual urges or behaviour that cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, to the point that they can be considered part of a mental disorder. However, this is an uncommon case, and psychiatrists are now moving towards regarding sadism and masochism not as disorders in and of themselves, but only as disorders when associated with other problems such as a personality disorder.

“Sadism” and “masochism,” in the context of consensual sexual activities, are not strictly accurate terms, at least by the psychological definitions. “Sadism” in absolute terms refers to someone whose pleasure in causing pain does not depend on the consent of the “victim.” Indeed, a lack of consent may be a requisite part of the experience for a true sadist. Similarly, the masochist in consensual BDSM is someone who enjoys the experience of pain in a particular context and, usually, according to a certain scripted and mutually agreed upon “scene.” These “masochists” do not typically enjoy pain in other scenarios, such as accidental injury, medical procedures, and so on.

Similarly, the exchange of power in S&M may not be along the expected lines. While it might be assumed that the “sadist,” or “top”–the person who gives the sensation or causes the humiliation–is the one with the power, the actual power may lie with the “masochist,” or “bottom,” who typically creates the script, or at least sets the boundaries, by which the S&M practitioners play. Sadism and masochism in fiction

Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s novel Venus in Furs is essentially one long masochistic fantasy, where the male principal character encourages his mistress to mistreat him. It inspired a song of the same name, and about the same subject matter, by the rock group The Velvet Underground, featuring the lyric “Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather.”

The 1971 film Straw Dogs, by director Sam Peckinpah, features a scene where the character of Amy Sumner (played by Susan George) is “raped” by one of the few local men responsible for tiling the roof of her and her husband’s house. The scene is extremely ambiguous, but it is usually interpreted that Amy begins to enjoy the encounter, of which she is the masochistic subject. In the 1987 film Hellraiser and its sequels, Pinhead (the lead cenobite) feels that there is beauty in suffering and torture. In the 2005 video game Crash Tag Team Racing video game, the Doctor N. Gin character is shown to possess masochistic tendencies.

The novel @Gordon@, by Edith Templeton, is a semi-autobiographical account of a long-term sadomasochistic relationship. Story of O is another classic masochistic novel, written by a woman, Pauline Réage. In this novel, the female principal character is kept in a chateau and educated by a group of men using a wide range of BDSM type techniques.

The novelist Anne Rice, best known for Interview with the Vampire, wrote the sadomasochistic trilogy The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty under the pseudonym of A. N. Roquelaure. Also “Exit to Eden”

In Ayn Rand’s novel The Fountainhead, the sexual relationship between the protagonists is characterized by violence and force, which the female protagonist savours.

Brendan Connell’s novel The Translation of Father Torturo, features a character, Cardinal Zuccarelli, who finds romantic pleasure in humiliation and pain.

GoldenEye, the 1995 James Bond film features Xenia Onatopp, a crazed Russian killer who takes pleasure during sex by strangling her victims or crushing their pelvis with her thighs.

The 2001 movie La Pianiste (released with subtitles as The Piano Teacher) describes a relationship between a repressed piano teacher and her pupil, which ends unhappily when she reveals her extreme masochistic desires to him, which brings the relationship to an end, but not before he has made a disgusted attempt to enact his conception of her masochistic fantasies.

The metaphysical “documentary” What the Bleep Do We Know!? featured a bridesmaid who is shown subconsciously transmitting the message “Make me suffer please!” to the wedding-guests.

The 2001 Japanese movie Koroshiya 1 (released with subtitles as Ichi the Killer) follows 2 main characters, Kakihara and Ichi. Kakihara is an extreme sado-masochist who has a taste for pain and humiliation, while also having a taste of delivering pain and humiliation. Kakihara is looking for the extreme sadist who will grant him his wish of ultimate masochistic release even if it results in his death. (In fact he hopes it does)

A 2002 movie, Secretary, directed by Steven Shainberg, explores the relationship between a masochistic secretary and her dominant, sadistic employer.

A character in Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels Trilogy named Daemon Sadi is nicknamed “The Sadist” for his cruelty towards women (who used him as a “pleasure slave”).

In Paulo Coelho’s novel Eleven Minutes the main character, Maria, experiments with sadomasochism, and her partner has studied the topic thoroughly.

In the game Phantasmagoria: A Puzzle of Flesh, Curtis Craig goes to an S&M club to visit his friend Therese.

In the novels by Jacqueline Carey, the Kushiel’s Legacy saga, the main character Phedre is an extreme masochist for whom sex is a religious experience.

In Sorcerer Hunters, the manga and anime story, Chocolate Misu and Tira Misu are Sadomasochistic dominatrices, and this story has great influence of sadomasochism.

In a Family Guy episode called Peter’s Two Dads, Stewie becomes a masochism addict when Lois spanks him.

Jacqueline Carey’s Kushiel’s Legacy trilogy and related books star a masochistic woman. There are numerous examples of Edgeplay within the books.

The words “sadistic” and “masochistic” are mentioned at the beginning of both Kill Bill movies in Bill’s speech.

Sadomasochism has also become a popular theme for advertisers who seek to appear “edgy” or unconventional. Anheuser-Busch, Inc., a mainstream brewer of popular beers, including Bud Lite, now sponsors the Folsom Street Fair and Diesel brand Jeans runs ads in major fashion magazines with an S&M theme.

Mr. Slave from South Park is an S&M whore.

References:

  • 1. Richard von Krafft-Ebbing, “Psychopathia Sexualis”, 1886,

http://ia350608.us.archive.org/1/items/psychopathiasexu00krafuoft/psychopathiasexu00krafuoft_djvu.txt

  • 2.Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness, on sadism and masochism.

Article: MissBonnie CollarNcuffs.com ©

New Report

Close