What’s in a Name? Understanding Honorifics in Femdom and BDSM

“They call me Hell, they call me Stacey

They call me Her, they call me Jane

That’s not my name

They call me quiet, but I’m a riot

Mary Jo Lisa, always the same

That’s not my name”

–The Ting Tings, “That’s Not My Name: Song lyrics ”

Introduction to Honorifics in Femdom and BDSM

Just like the song lyrics above. A name has meaning! Honorifics play a crucial role in the realms of femdom and BDSM, serving as essential markers of respect and delineation of power dynamics between participants. These terms of address, which might include titles such as Mistress, Sir, or even very personal names created within a specific dynamic, are employed to establish and reinforce the hierarchical relationships that practitioners often embrace. By designating titles and forms of address, individuals can effectively communicate their role within the relationship, be it dominant or submissive, fostering an atmosphere of trust and clarity.

The use of honorifics is deeply rooted in the cultural and historical fabric of many societies. They evoke a sense of tradition and ritual, which enhances the experience for those involved. Notably, the practice can be traced back to various cultures where hierarchical structures necessitated formal modes of address, reflecting the broader dynamics of power and submission. This historical context provides a foundational understanding of why honorifics are such integral components within femdom and BDSM practices today.

Moreover, honorifics serve more than a mere functional purpose; they enrich the emotional experience of those involved. The act of acknowledging a participant’s status through specific titles can evoke feelings of validation and pleasure, enhancing the overall dynamic. For submissives, addressing their Dominant using an honorific can deepen their sense of submission and commitment to their roles, while for Dominants, receiving such titles can reaffirm their authority, further solidifying the power exchange.

An honorific is a title or word implying or expressing respect for someone in a higher position or rank than yourself. 

These are used in situations when it is inappropriate to refer to someone only by their first or last name. 

In Femdom and BDSM, this is prevalent as we use pseudonyms, so we don’t know first or last names to begin with. This doesn’t mean you can jump right in with, “Oh, I can be a good boy for you, Goddess,” when you haven’t established a rapport, let alone any basis of trust between you. 

In BDSM, honorifics are an honour that has to be earnt. 

Understanding the significance of honorifics is key to navigating the complexities of power dynamics, communication, and respect in femdom and BDSM. As practitioners delve into these communities, establishing appropriate honorifics can set the tone for interactions, ensuring that relationships remain consensual, respectful, and mutually satisfying.

At the beginning of a budding D/s relationship, you can politely ask if there is something that they would like to be called by you while you both take that tentative dip in the kinky pool together, but do not just dive head first in with, “Yes, Mistress – No, Mistress – three bags full, Mistress. Whatever you desire Mistress”

This just shows a lack of of kink education and an ignorance of Femdom and BDSM etiquette. If you are new to the kink and fetish world, then you really must do your homework and research the lifestyle – because this is exactly what it is, a lifestyle.

Common BDSM Honorifics and Their Meanings

Honorifics play a pivotal role in the dynamics of femdom and BDSM, serving not only as terms of respect but also as expressions of the power dynamics between participants. Each honorific carries its own weight and significance, influencing the interpersonal relationship within these communities. One of the most recognizable honorifics is ‘Goddess,’ often used in contexts where the dominant partner embodies a sense of divinity or superiority, invoking feelings of reverence and worship from the submissive. This title emphasizes the power exchange inherent in the relationship, with the submissive acknowledging the goddess-like status of their partner.

To perfectly illustrate what I’m explaining. Myself (MissBonnie), if you refer to me as Goddess, you are very likely to endure my wrath of the not good kind! for myself personally I abhor the term. To myself a Goddess is perfection and can do no wrong. I am far from perfect. I am human.

Another common honorific is ‘Mistress,’ which historically emphasizes femininity in dominance. This term indicates not merely authority but also a nurturing quality, as a Mistress often has a vested interest in the well-being and development of their submissive. For some women the term is hated for its contentations to cheating partners. For others they have now taken ownership of the honorific and take pride in its use.

Others honorifics could be ; Lady; Ma’am; Goddess; Dame; Madame; Princess; Queen; Mommy; Lady; Domina; Khaleesi; Headmistress; Milady

A more neutral counterpart is ‘Master,’ which is utilized by submissives to confer respect and acknowledge the authority of a male dominant. Similar in its functionality is the honorific ‘Sir,’ typically reserved for male dominants, fostering respect and indicating a recognized leadership role. Others honorifics often used can be names such as Daddy, Master, Sir, Emperor, Lord, King. Remember you won’t find any Doms at CollarNcuffs as we are strictly Femdom. In Femdom men only have one role, that of slave or submissive/bottom .

Other gender-neutral names: Wolf. Captain; Professor; Your Highness; My Liege; Your Majesty; Your Worship; Magister; Master (while often Maledom it is gaining a resurgence); Owner; Chief; Boss; Commander; Your Exaltedness; Your Excellency; Alpha; Patron; My Demon; Great One; President; Dragon; Number one.

On the submissive side, the term ‘Submissive’ itself is widely used, describing individuals who willingly submit to the control of a dominant partner. This designation is far from limiting; instead, it encompasses a wide range of personal interpretations and feelings, often cherished with pride. Some practitioners, however, prefer to create custom or unique honorifics tailored to their specific relationship dynamics, which may reflect shared experiences, personal histories, or even inside jokes, further enriching the emotional landscape of their connection.

For Submissives, common honorifics can include: Baby/Babygirl/Babyboy; Bitch; Boy/Girl; Doll; Kitten; Pet; Pig; Princess; Slave; Stud;, Toy; slut; cum bucket.

Other gender-neutral names: Mon Petit; My Possession; My Property; My Treasure; Amore; Angel; Babe; Belle; Beta; Blossom; Bunny; Darling; Honey; Kitten; Pearl; Stella; Little one; Cupcake; Brat; Starlight; light; Tootsie; Puppy; Mi Amor;

Names with humiliation aftertaste: Bitch; Slut; Cockwhore; cum bucket; Thrall; servant; Maid.

I’d like to point out that there’s a difference between an honorific and a “pet name”. While many of the terms listed above can be used as both (technically, any term of endearment you and your partner choose can be used as either an honorific or pet name), honorifics are used in the BDSM context, while pet names can be used more universally. For instance, while my Oz calls me “Babe”, and Simon calls me “Bitch”, they use these term outside of our dynamic as my polyamorous partners, not as my submissives. I often refer to them as “My Darlin” and “idiot” It’s no different than a monogamous, vanilla couple calling each other “Sweetie”, or “Baby”.

So why exactly do we use honorifics? I’ve said numerous times that BDSM is in many ways a form of theatre as “set the stage”. It’s role play in which we take on certain character traits used to explore our specific desires. In that sense, an honorific is no different than the name of the character that you are playing. Not only does it set the scene for those around you, more importantly, it puts participants in a head space to properly play out those roles. Furthermore, honorifics can be a kink unto themselves. If someone has a praise kink, phrases like “good girl” or “good boy” can get the endorphins flowing. Likewise, with a degradation kink, an honorific like “idiot” can have the same effect.

The Role of Honorifics in Communication and Consent

In BDSM and femdom relationships, the use of honorifics serves as a vital component of communication, contributing significantly to the establishment and reinforcement of power dynamics between partners. Honorifics, which may include titles such as “Sir,” “Mistress,” or “Pet,” can encapsulate the roles assumed by individuals within these relationships, enhancing the overall atmosphere of play. By utilizing specific honorifics, partners can signal their expectations and boundaries, creating a clearer framework for interactions and engagement during their scenes.

The choice of honorifics is not merely a matter of preference; it reflects the underlying dynamics of the relationship. For instance, a dominant may choose to be addressed by a specific title to embody their authoritative role, while a submissive might take on a particular name that signifies their devotion or submission. This linguistic exchange fosters an environment where both participants feel understood and respected, ensuring that their respective roles are acknowledged during their engagements.

However, the significance of consent in the use of honorifics cannot be overstated. It is imperative for partners to discuss and negotiate the appropriateness of specific titles before engaging in BDSM practices. Such discussions help ensure that all participants feel comfortable, valued, and empowered. Establishing consensual agreements on honorifics allows individuals to express their preferences, ultimately contributing to a more enriching and respectful experience. When each person’s wishes regarding language are taken into consideration, the dynamic remains secure, promoting trust and emotional safety, crucial aspects of BDSM interactions.

Once consent has been discussed, there’s really no right or wrong time to use an honorific between you and your partner. For those in 24/7 dynamics, it’s not uncommon for honorifics to be used in every setting. I’ve seen many subs use the term “Miss” or “Ma’am” in vanilla settings because that’s what their dynamic dictates.

In conclusion, the careful selection and respectful use of honorifics in BDSM and femdom relationships promote effective communication and enthusiastic consent, helping to define the roles and expectations of each partner involved.

Capitalization Conventions Online

Some people in the BDSM community begin dominant terms (Top, Master, Dom, Domme, etc.) with an uppercase, and submissive terms (bottom, slave, sub, etc.) with a lowercase, even where normally incorrect. A combined example of this is “D/s” for “Domme/sub.” Some extend this to honorifics and capitalization: for example, Master Rob’s slave, linda, may refer to him as Sir and themself as i (or as “this slave”, restricted from referring to themself in the first person). Others are highly dismissive of this “slashy speak”.

Exploring Personalization of Honorifics in BDSM Practice

In the realm of BDSM, the use of honorifics often transcends mere titles, becoming a profound expression of the dynamics within each unique relationship. Practitioners frequently find themselves drawn to personalize the honorifics they use, tailoring these labels to reflect their distinct experiences and emotional connections. This personalization can enhance the authenticity of interactions and deepen the understanding between partners, forming a cornerstone of their power exchange.

Many individuals within the BDSM community recall instances where they have adapted honorifics to suit their relationships. For example, a submissive may choose to call their Dominant by a name that carries personal significance, perhaps referencing an inside joke or a shared experience. This practice not only strengthens the bond but also fosters a sense of trust and safety essential for exploring deeper dynamics. On the other hand, Dominants may create specific titles for their submissives, emphasizing aspects of their personalities or preferences that resonate with the power exchange involved.

Moreover, the importance of open communication cannot be overstated when it comes to establishing meaningful honorifics. Partners are encouraged to discuss what labels feel right to them and why certain terms resonate at an emotional level. This collaborative approach allows for flexibility and ensures that the honorifics align with each individual’s sense of identity. For those navigating their BDSM engagements, it is beneficial to experiment with different titles and be receptive to feedback, creating a respectful dialogue as trust is built.

Ultimately, the personalization of honorifics serves as a vibrant facet of the BDSM experience, enriching dynamics and elevating connections. When practitioners take the time to cultivate meaningful honorifics, they foster an environment where both parties can flourish, fully engaging in their roles within the consensual framework they create together.

Resource Article : MissBonnie 2025

Leave a Reply

New Report

Close