Category: BDSM and Femdom resources, Articles and Reviews.

A collection of dominant and submissive educational articles for learning about all things Femdom

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What if I get too into SM?

BDSM equipment

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Sometimes people who are attracted by some aspects of SM worry that they will immediately go from enjoying spanking and light bondage to fisting and golden showers. Nothing could be further from the truth. SM is a blanket term for a huge variety of alternative ways to make love. This FAQ list has outlined some of the possibilities. No one I know enjoys _everything_ on this list; _everyone_ has their own preferences and levels of tolerance. Some like bondage but dislike pain; some like latex but dislike leather; some enjoy piercing but not whipping; some like tickling and nothing else!

Negotiation is important

This means that negotiation is always important in SM; you never know what someone’s tastes will be until you ask. It also means that whatever your level, however hard the play that you enjoy, there are people out there who share your tastes. Be a dabbler or be a life styler, or be anywhere in between! And don’t worry; the operative word with all of these practices is _pleasure_. If you don’t like it, you won’t enjoy it, and you won’t do it! Some people have fantasies about heavier SM trips than they would enjoy in real life. To those people, I say this: fantasies are not reality. It is well documented that many women have rape fantasies from time to time; this does not mean that those women want to be raped. SM can involve playing on the edge between fantasy and reality, using that fantasy energy to create something fantastically strong and passionate in the real world; but this does not mean that fantasies are anything but imagination, or that fantasies will become real without your choosing to make them so.

SM isn’t for everyone

If you feel that doing SM might make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, or make it harder for you to maintain your sense of self-worth and pride, those are excellent reasons to avoid doing SM–or at the very least to only do those sorts of play that don’t tear you down but instead build you up. SM is an intense form of relating, and not everyone is ready for that; if you don’t think you are, don’t do it that intensely–and if you’re not sure, go slowly. What’s the rush? Do what you honestly want to do, and what you feel ready for.

Some people getting into the scene almost have a mental checklist of stuff they want to try. They spend a year or two burning through the checklist, having a great time, always desperate for the next experience. Then they get to the end of the list, and suddenly they don’t know what’s next. This can be a very empty feeling. SM is not an end in itself, but a means to connect with others; it is ultimately about relating, and about developing yourself.

If you are worried about getting too into SM , it means that you are sensitive to your spiritual and sexual development, which in itself means you have less to worry about. Trust your instincts. SM is nothing but opening up the powerful energy within us all, and being willing to experience that energy with and through others; it is intimate and loving. Even a hard scene, involving ruthless domination and serious pain, is an act of love, and a very deep one at that; it takes a lot of trust and a strong connection between the people involved to create such a scene. The more aware of Sex Magic you are, the better a communicator and lover you will likely be–and you don’t have to be a heavy player to understand Sex Magic.

Don’t be fooled by false claims

People who think that all BDSM behaviors are unhealthy or destructive sometimes come out with a claim like, Just you wait, you may start off by enjoying being spanked, but before long you’ll be liking being bruised, dismembered, flayed, and murdered! This is, simply, ridiculous. While many people do find their tolerance for pain increasing as they do BDSM, many others find no such effect, or even have no interest in experimenting. It seems that for most people, their internal thermostat, the level of stimulus which makes them hot, is pretty much constant. And certainly I know of no one practicing consensual SM who perpetrates serious injury on their lovers. The SM scene is rife with information about how to inflict intense sensation without causing permanent or unintended damage of any kind. Recognize these kinds of alarmist claims about BDSM as the scaremongering that they are.

And finally, after all is said and done, you may _still_ have some fantasies that you recognize as too intense or too contrary to your nature to actually perform in a real-life scene. This is quite common, as well; we all have desires which we recognize are not safely fulfil able. Do not do anything that you feel you should not or cannot do, even if the desire remains strong; or at least, if you do choose to explore that desire, go very carefully and be prepared to back off if you find your suspicions confirmed. If it hurts not to fulfil the desire, that’s part of what maturity is about–rejecting desires that pull you into things that are no good for you, while choosing that which will affirm you. And in any case, the process of introspection, of asking yourself what you want (and what you will permit yourself) and why, can be vital to your growth and your sense of yourself. Life is change, and every choice carries some risk… decide for yourself what path you want to walk.

Article by MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com

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Detecting the Fakes in an Online World of Femdom

fake online person

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Every day I am confronted by friends, acquaintances and those recommended to seek Me out with questions regarding a person (or people) that they feel may be perpetrating a scam against them. I don’t mean the common E-Mail scams (such as “Viagra Cheep” or “Lose 40 pounds by Summer”) but the much more insidious scam involving the creation of one or more fake personalities. The scammer then uses the pseudo-persona’s to deceive, hurt or abuse their victim or victims.

Because the internet offers so many easy ways to hide, to become someone fake, or to even impersonate a whole group of people, it is often very difficult for those that are not “Net Savvy” to detect and defend themselves against such scams. The purpose of this page will be to help those needing general info .. or just wanting a little more knowledge .. to recognize the common scams before they can become dangerous or injurious.

Common Techniques

Before we can get into how to recognize a scam, we should review the most common tricks that scammers use. We will explain what makes a person “Real” and how scammers use the various Internet programs to appear real.

Email Accounts

The popular “Portal Sites” (such as Yahoo, MSN, Google, etc.) all offer free or low-cost E-Mail accounts these days. In recent years they have all taken steps to prevent automated systems (such as those used by Spammers) from signing up for these accounts. However they do allow a single person to create multiple accounts with no trouble. This is a common “exploit” (or trick) used by the fakes. They will create one or more fake E-Mail accounts and then flesh them out with personal details to make it appear that each account belongs to a separate person. Fortunately for us, the big-name E-Mail services store information in every message sent that can help us narrow down the real sender and detect when one person is sending out E-Mail under multiple different names. A little further down, I will show how to find and use that information.

Chat Names

We all use various Internet Chat programs (or “Instant Messengers”) these days. Fakes will routinely use the various bogus E-Mail accounts they’ve created to create companion Chat Names (or “handles”). While it is possible to have multiple handles on any one computer, it is generally not possible to log in to more than one at a time. This is important to remember since it requires a faker to log out of one handle before logging in to another.

However, since the faker can run many different chat programs at once (and most of us do have more than one program installed), they will sometimes have different handles for each type of chat program. This is also important to note. Because most of us do have handles for many different chat programs, someone that only has one program installed and refuses to (or claims to not be able to) install another chat program may be suspicious.

Chat Profiles and Pictures

Most (if not all) of the common programs allow the user to fill out information about themselves. This information is called the “Profile”. Most fakes will take extra care to put real sounding info in the Profile as a way to lend credibility to their fictitious persona. But the problem is they can’t use a “real photo”, so they will borrow one from the Internet or leave it blank. Be extra cautious of anyone who uses a “commercial grade” photo in their profile. While it does not necessarily mean they are a fake, if the photo isn’t a real person (usually taken with a webcam or digital cam) then your level of caution should be a bit higher.

Also make note of their geographic location in the profile. If not listed there (and it often isn’t for basic ‘net security reasons) then be sure to find that out during your conversations with them. Fakes that create more than one persona will often scatter them around the world or the country … and that bit of fabrication will help you “out” them a little later on.

Pictures Sent Via E-Mail or IM

Fakers will often need to (or want to) send pictures of “themselves” in order to prove their existence and reality. However, as with Profiles, they must find a source for the pictures they send out. Fortunately for us, most commercial sources (and many picture sites) will “watermark” or put digital information into their pictures that indicate the true source. Fakers can’t easily remove this information and thus it will be visible to you after you receive the picture. All you need to know is how to look at it and what it means.

If the Faker sends a picture file as an attachment to an E-Mail, you should also keep the E-Mail for use in determining the real origin. The information stored in the “Headers” can be compared with those in E-Mails from other people to determine if they are indeed from separate computers and regions, or in fact from the same one.

Internet “Connections” During a Chat

Most chat programs will create a “connection” between the two computers engaged in a chat. While the connection may be only temporary and exist just when the chat starts, certain types of chat activities (such as sending files or viewing a webcam) can establish a connection that lasts much longer. On computers running Window 2000 and Windows XP, there are programs you can use to list all the connections, both the “IP Address” (similar to a street address) and the “Port” (similar to an apartment number). While the program and function you are using controls the Port, the IP Address can help you determine the other person’s general location, or at least let you determine if it is the same as another persona in the Faker’s “community”.

The Nitty-Gritty Techno Babble Stuff

Now that we have a general idea of what sort of things can expose a faker, it’s time to get into the dirty details of how to get the information we need. Primarily the data comes from a few different sources and types:

  • 1.IP Address – The unique address (or location) on the Internet assigned to every computer.
  • 2.E-Mail Headers – The digital fingerprint of every computer that an E-Mail passed thru on its way to you, and the fingerprint of the true sender.
  • 3.Digital Signatures or Watermarks – The digital numbers stored inside a picture or document file that indicates its true source.

The following will discuss some simple ways to find the information you need, how to interpret it (or websites that can interpret it for you) and other details you might like to know about what it all means.

IP Address – Where Are You Really?

Every computer that talks on the Internet has a unique address called its “IP Address”. Different Internet Service Providers (or ISPs) have blocks of addresses that they use for their customers. Often times the IP Address can even identify a general location too. A Faker that has more than one bogus persona may remember to log into the right account, but they seldom if ever can change their IP Address too. Thus the IP Address can be compared between two “people” to see if they are in fact the same person (or at least using the same computer). Some programs (such as IRC chat sites and programs) convert the IP Address into a unique “Ident”; thus while you may not know the exact IP Address, you can at least be sure that two people with the same Ident are in fact using the same computer.

Techno-Geek Note: Some ISPs (such as AOL dial-up) use “connection farms” that totally obscure the origination IP Address. However, since Fakers often do not disconnect and reconnect when switching persona, you can usually find the same IP Address from two of their persona. Techno-Geek Note 2: The more savvy will notice that there are cases where the same IP Address will be shown for two different computers. The most common reason for this is home-based networks where a “Router” is used. However, if the same IP Address shows up for two people who claim to be miles or continents apart, it’s a safe bet they are fakes and liars.

Turning an IP Address Into a Location

Finding the real location of an IP Address is not such a simple thing. While there are special databases that convert an IP Address to an Internet Name and vice versa (the so-called “DNS” process), there isn’t an “official” database to find the location of a specific IP Address. However there are a few companies that have created their own databases … and they even provide access to them over the Internet. Some of them even provide free access to their database (but on a limited basis though). One of the databases that I use periodically is from a company called www.IP2Location.com . When you open the website you will see a list of the services and products they offer along the left-hand edge.

Near the bottom of that list is a section called “Free Resources”. Their main page also includes a “Live Product Demo” section on the upper right-hand side as shown to the left.

Note that “your” IP Address is automatically filled in for you when you open their website. You can highlight the entry and replace it with any IP Address you desire, then press the “Find Location” button to view the location information they have on file. When I clicked the button, the results I received are shown here:

IP Address Country Region City Latitude/Longitude ZIP Code Time Zone *deleted for site safety* AUSTRALIA Victoria Melbourne 35.283-149.217 – *edited*

Net SpeedISP Domain

  1. CCADIALPOOLS2-CCCONNECT.NET.AU

it shows that I live in Australia, that my Internet Service Provider (ISP) is CCADIALPOOLS2-CCCONNECT.NET.AU and that my Time Zone is +10 hours GMT (“Greenwich Mean Time”; the universal home base of Internet Time services).I have deleted some of my details for site safety. Right here is all the information you need to determine approximately where I live. If I had been telling you that I actually lived in Minnesota USA (for example), this one test would prove to you that I’m lying thru my teeth. Clearly I am not in Minnesota, USA, I live in Victoria, Australia. (Or at least I am connected to the Internet from Australia. But since most fakes are cheapskates and freeloaders too, it’s a safe bet they are not making tons of long distance calls to other states or countries just to disguise their real location.)

Techno-Geek Note: As can be seen from the example above, the actual physical address of an IP Address does not absolutely pin down a house address. You cannot use an IP Address to find someone’s house, workplace or other highly accurate location. The best you can do is narrow it down to a region of the country or world. So if you’re concerned that your IP Address will lead stalkers to your house, don’t be. Bad guys can no more find your home address from your IP Address than you can.

Let’s do another example test. Suppose we find the IP Address of 207.46.248.67 for someone that we often chat with. (The IP Address is actually that of a Microsoft E-Mail server, but this is just an example.) After you do your first “Find Location”, the page where the results are shown will include an entry box and some brief instructions on how to perform another test (as shown below).

The results I received for our test IP Address are shown here:

IP Address Country Region City Latitude/ Longitude ZIP CodeTime Zone 207.46.248.67 UNITED STATES WASHINGTON REDMOND 47.6738 -122.089 98052 edited due to publish time

So now we have a handy (and free) tool to help us locate the real location of someone, once we have their IP Address.

Finding a Location from E-Mail Headers

One of the best resources provided by IP2Location is a tool that uses their database and some nifty programming to analyze the headers of an E-Mail message. this service is free and easy to access; simply click the “IP2Location™ Email Header Tracer (Free)” button. At the top of the page you will see some brief instructions on what to do as well as links to specific instructions on how to find the E-Mail Headers for some of the more common E-Mail services

I use Microsoft normally, but I also use Yahoo and gmaill as well. Just remember that the techniques you will use to find the E-Mail Headers depend on YOUR E-Mail service and not those of the person that sent you the message.

There are a lot of cryptic computer details included in the headers, but you needn’t worry; the IP2Location tool will figure out which of the header lines it needs and ignore all the rest.

Very Important Note: The last entry is of no significance to you; it shows the E-Mail server that you use and will almost always be the same. It does not show any useful information about the sender. Only the first entry shown above contains that information.

In the case of the email, I just last checked there is only one E-Mail Server “fingerprint” in the message headers. This is because Spammers often send their crap directly to your E-Mail server in hopes that their real location won’t be visible. Of course, they are stupid because such tricks not only uncover their true IP Address, but also identifies the E-Mail message as “bulk”; a trait easily identifiable by Spam scanner and protection programs.

Picture and Image Files

One of the common problems that fakes encounter is the need to put a face on the “people” they create. Since they obviously cannot use their own pictures, they will often “mine” the Internet looking for pictures that they can use. Sometimes you can spot the fakes just by the pictures they provide; for example if the people or places don’t match from picture to picture. However sometimes you have to dig a bit deeper.

Techno-Geek Note: You should NEVER accept files of ANY kind from someone you don’t know unless you are very well protected by good antivirus software and you know how to use it properly.

IMPORTANT WARNING: Always, always, ALWAYS check the full name of the file you’ve received. A lot of evil wicked people will send you a file claiming it is a picture when in fact it is a program that can harm your computer (or worse yet, allow them to spy on your computer). Before opening ANY file you received, scan it with a good antivirus program first and then double-check the file name by right-clicking on the file and choosing “Properties”. If you see a lot of spaces in the name, usually followed by “.EXE” or “.COM”, then delete the file and immediately cease communication with the sender.

Techno-Tools for digging deeper

Many times you will have to look “inside” a file to find out its true source. Two of the better of these free file viewers is called “V” and is available from www.FileViewer.com the other is www.Irfanview.com If you don’t have one of these programs and feel they might be too difficult for you to operate, then by all means find someone you can trust that is able to help you dig some.

EXIF Data – The Extended Information Details

Most digital cameras and many of the picture editing programs available today will add additional details to any image file they create. This information, called the Extended Information (or EXIF data) is stored in the data bytes of the image file itself. Using a file viewer (such as “V”) you can easily find this data and possibly learn a bit more about how the picture originated and when it was taken.

You can see the name of the manufacturer and the model number of the camera itself When you receive a number of pictures from a faker and they claim they are all taken using their own camera, compare the EXIF data from each image file to make sure they really do all come from the same camera. If they don’t match, or if some have the EXIF block and some don’t, be prepared to ask more detailed questions and listen closely to the answers.

We’ve all heard this one “I just took this for you with my digital camera” This can be very useful statement when someone makes this claim… check are the date and time or are they from days, months or even years ago. Once again, you’ve caught them in a lie; a good reason to run away as fast as you can.

Most commercial photography studios and services will also add a Copyright Notice to the EXIF data in their image files. If you see such a notice in any of the images you receive from someone, be sure to ask them why they are distributing copyrighted works under false pretenses. Chances are pretty good they will be the ones to cut off communication … and quickly too.

Chat Handles – The Superman/Clark Kent/ ~wonderwoman/ Diana Prince Conflict

As mentioned earlier, Instant Messenger programs (such as Yahoo, MSN and AIM) allow you to have only one login active at a time. This fact can be especially important when you suspect someone may be using the programs to impersonate two or more people.

Let’s assume that you have two of their pseudo-people on your Yahoo. You’ve probably spoken to both of them at some time or other, but you’ve never been able to find them both online at the same time. This is because the faker must sign out of one handle and then sign into the other handle in order to chat. Just like no one ever sees Superman and Clark Kent together or at the same time, you will never find both fake people available at the same time either. So how do you use this information? Or better still, what can you do to prove or disprove your suspicions? Simple.

Whenever you are talking to Person A, also open a chat box with Person B and leave them a message that sounds critical or interesting enough to get their attention immediately. It can be especially telling if you use something like “I just found out something really scary about Person A and I need to ask you something right away.” If you don’t hear from Person B until after Person A logs out, and then you immediately hear from Person B … well guess what, A=B.

Conclusions

It can be very hurtful to find out you’ve been deceived by someone. Whether the deceit is in person or on the Internet, the common reaction is to blame yourself in some fashion. However, you must keep in mind that most fakers have honed their skills over many years and many lies. They become expert at what they do and how they do it. Even the best and most paranoid among us has, at one time or other, been duped by a faker. Do not be ashamed. Just take your lumps, learn to be a bit more skeptical, and then get back to living your life in a decent honest way.

If you spot a fake, or if you are suspicious that someone may be “less than honest” about who they really are, do not hesitate to call on other friends and have them help you corner the liar. Because fakes are habitual liars, they will often tell slightly altered versions (or sometimes wildly different versions) of their story to other people. This allows you to compare notes with your friends and hopefully catch the liar red-handed.

And always remember the three basic rules of Internet Chatting:

  • ·Be Cautious and Reasonable – Listen carefully to the stories you hear, take everything with a grain of salt, and try to remain reasonable in your suspicions.
  • .Never Trust Anyone with Your Money – Never give out money, bank account or credit card information, or any financial details to anyone you cannot touch (and if necessary beat upside the head 8-o).
  • ·Live and Learn – When you find you have been deceived, take your lumps, get on with your life and go into the next experience a little wiser and a little better prepared to protect yourself and your feelings.

Hopefully the above information will help you and others around you stay safe and secure while still having fun and finding happiness in your lives. If you know of someone that could use this information, do not hesitate to pass it along. If at all possible, find a local “computer geek” that you can trust and that can help you understand some of the deeper technical issues you may encounter. And above all else, be ready to forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive others, because carrying anger and spite inside you will never solve any problems.

Resource Article : MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com

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What does the BDSM Emblem mean?

a circle with three parts inside the centre

The BDSM emblem has no “obvious” symbolism because it was created to be enigmatic. To the vanilla observer who would be put off by BDSM, it is merely an attractive piece of jewelry. Thus, we can wear it freely as a friendly salute, nod, and wink to other BDSMers we should happen to pass on the sidewalks and in the hallways of our daily lives.

To the insider, however, the Emblem is full of meaning.

The three divisions represent the various threesomes of BDSM. First of all, the three divisions of BDSM itself: B&D, D&S, and S&M. Secondly, the three-way creed of BDSM behavior: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Thirdly, the three divisions of our community: Tops, Bottoms, and Switches.

It is this third symbolism that gives meaning to the holes in each unit. Since BDSM is at the very least a play style and at its greatest a love style, the holes represent the incompleteness of any individual within the BDSM context. However “together” and “whole” individuals may be, there remains a void within them that can only be filled by a complimentary other. BDSM cannot be done alone.

The resemblance to a three-way variation on the Yin-Yang symbol is not accidental. As the curved outline of Yin and Yang represent the hazy border between where one ends and the other begins, so do the curved borders here represent the indistinct divisions between B&D, D&S, and S&M.

The metal and metallic color of the medallion represents the chains or irons of BDSM servitude/ownership. The three inner fields are black, representing a celebration of the controlled dark side of BDSM sexuality. The curved lines themselves can be seen as a stylized depiction of a lash as it swings, or even an arm in motion to deliver an erotic spanking. The all-embracing circle, of course, represents the overlying unity of it all and the oneness of a community that protects its own.

The BDSM Emblem is copyright 1995 by Quagmyr@aol.com who maintains the copyright in order to protect the symbol. It is freely available for all educational and non-commercial use within the BDSM community without charge. The explanatory text is copyright 1995, 1997 by Quagmyr@aol.com and used here by permission.

Resource Article : MissBonnie

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Dictionary of Femdom terms

shallow focus photography of books

This is not a definitive list please feel free to contact CollarNcuffs with any extras you might like to add

Age play A form of role play where the participants enjoy exploring the persona of a much younger (or some times older) person. (please note Age play is not allowed on CNC. While we understand this an acceptable practice in BDSM. We cannot have it here due to server restrictions)

Anal play Any play involving the anus and rectum area.

Animal play A form of role play in which the participants take on the persona of an animal. Most common puppies and ponies.

BD Sometimes B/D, B&D. Bondage and Discipline. Sometimes used interchangeably with SM but more strictly referring to practices involving bondage and role-playing or humiliation but little or no pain. Sometimes thought to stand for Bondage and Domination.

BDSM Sometimes BD/SM. Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Catch-all term much used to lump together those perves who play with physical pain and those who don’t, reflecting a concern that the term SM, with its associations with pain, is not always appropriate.

Bondage Restriction of a person’s bodily movement for erotic reasons using fastenings of various kinds i.e. Ropes, tape, cuffs etc.

Bottom or Submissive: The complimentary term for the bottom is submissive, and someone bottoming to a dominant is called a submissive or sub, but the term subby is sometimes heard. The terms ‘dom’ and ‘sub’ to describe individuals have slightly more currency in the heterosexual scene than among gay men and lesbians, where the terms ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ are more common. Femdom, meaning a female dominant or a scene with a woman top, and its equivalent maledom, are invariably used to refer to heterosexual interaction. The overarching term for games involving domination is domination and submission (dom-sub, DS, D/S, D/s or D&S).

Brat or Bratty sub usually a submissive/bottom who enjoys rebelling against their Dominant/top in a childlike way.

Breath play of breathing by another person (usually the Dominant partner.)( further information on link)

Body modification Usually includes piercings, tattoos, branding and cutting. Can include corsets

Bottom Submissive or recipient of stimulation in an SM scene.

Cat Commonly used to mean a multi tailed floggers made from various materials such as leather, suede, latex etc.

CBT Causing sensation, discomfort and pain to the male testicles, and penis often including the scrotum as well.

Clips & Clamps Alligator clips and Japanese clover clamps are very popular devices to pinch or squeeze the flesh.

Clothes pegs/pins are also used the same as above.

Corporal Punishment Originally, retributive punishment involving the infliction of pain, often though not exclusively through blows administered with some form of flexible object like a whip or cane. In an SM context, normally refers to the activities of caning, whipping and spanking. Usually during some form of role-playing in which the bottom is ‘punished’, especially recreations of ‘real-life’.

Dominance The practice of taking the dominant role in a scene, running the scene, controlling the bottom’s behavior, perhaps simply as role play or humiliation or perhaps reinforced by the more physical aspects or the actual use of intense or painful physical activities directed at the bottom, and/or by restriction, bondage and physical control. However do remember pain isn’t always associated with dominance and may never be used.A person who takes on this sexually dominant role, either habitually or for a specific scene, is known as a dominant or dom.

Dominatrix The Latin feminine of the term ‘dominator’, one who dominates, could just mean a woman who enjoys taking the dominant role but almost always refers specifically to the professional dominatrix who has sessions or scenes where she dominates mainly male clients. But not always. The work of these women is legal and isn’t considered to be prostitution because very often genital sex is not involved. Some dominatrix are renowned for their knowledge and skill at both the psychological and physical aspects of SM techniques and a number have made valuable contributions to the BDSM community.

Dungeon Melodramatic term for a playroom, a room specially equipped for BDSM, perhaps of the heavier or more leathery variety. Equipment with special equipment for play. Such as St. Andrew’s Cross, Spanking Benches, Torture Stands, Kneeling Benches, Chains, Swings, Stocks / Pillories, Yokes, Suspension Rack, Vault Horse, The Back Rack, The Kneeler Table, Massage Table, Catherine Wheel and many other items..

Endorphins natural peptides created by the body to help endure pain or stress.

Floggers Multi tailed whip tailed and whip like made from various materials such as leather, suede, latex etc.

Gor or Gorean Taken from the books of ‘Gor’ by John Norman detailing fictional slave culture.(further information on link)

Heavy sometimes used to describe intense forms of play.

Japanese bondage an art form practicing intricate rope bondage often called Shibiri

Leg stretcher Restraint designed to force the legs apart.(also called spreader bar)

Limits and negotiations The point beyond which a player in a BDSM game does not consent to go. Can either indicate a particular activity that someone cannot cope with or finds a turnoff, or a point reached in play at which the stimulation ceases to be enjoyable or satisfying, or becomes impossible to cope with psychologically. Obviously the limits will vary between person to person and situation to situation. Note that although limits are usually thought of in connection with bottoms, they are also applicable to tops

M A potentially confusing abbreviation. In SM it stands for masochism and so may indicate a masochist. But it can also stand for the opposite role in the opposition of master or mistress and slave. When used for masochist it may be written m in lower case; when used for master or mistress it is almost always written in upper case. Thankfully the sense is usually clear from the context.

Masochism, Masochist In BDSM circles, the propensity to enjoy undergoing experiences normally thought of as painful, and one who enjoys such experiences.

Master Female equivalent: mistress or Domme. Dominant, controlling partner or top in a relationship based on sexual domination and submission (DS), where the submissive partner is known as the slave. Such relationships are known as master/mistress-slave relationships, abbreviated to M/s, M-s or MS. Both terms were formerly used more generally to cover a variety of different BDSM styles but as the community begins to disentangle DS from the enjoyment of pain, they are gradually becoming specialized to situations where the DS element is particularly essential or marked and/or where it perhaps extends into everyday life, as when the slave carries out domestic tasks for the master/mistress or adopts formalized rules of address and other rules of behavior. There are even cases of ‘full-time’ or 24/7 (24 hours a day, seven days a week) MS relationships, where the slave has perhaps signed a contract and considers him/herself owned as ‘property’.

Munch A get together in a friendly relaxed Non kink environment.

Mummification A specialized kind of bondage in which the whole body, including the head if some form of breathing tube is used, is wrapped tightly using materials like cling film (saran wrap) and gaffe tape, cloth or latex bandages until the bottom (the mummy) is completely immobilized. Holes are then sometimes made for access to genitals and other areas

Novice The usual term for someone new either to BDSM as a whole or to a particular activity. Very few people come out onto the scene with no experience at all – most have experimented on themselves or perhaps persuaded vanilla partners to indulge some of their desires – but nonetheless a good top will take a different approach to a novice bottom than to an experienced one, and for successful negotiation should be honest about their levels of experience.

OTK Over the knee usually referred to in a spanking context.

Rimming Common term for anal oral sex.

Power exchange A term used by some people to refer to what happens in a BDSM scene when the bottom agrees to be submissive and/or gives up control to the top.

Pushy Bottom Common phrase for a bottom who is over demanding and while purporting to be submissive attempts to control the scene by manipulation, usually to increase the intensity of what’s going on or to invite other activities rather than to defy or disobey the top. Obviously the more the dynamic of domination and submission is important to the scene, the more pushiness on the bottom’s part could become a problem. Most tops are on the side of caution when playing with someone new so there is a good possibility with partners who do not know each other well that the bottom will feel frustrated that his or her limit is not being reached. If this is happening it’s usually less irritating and disruptive to either wait for a break or call one and then explain what is happening explicitly to the top. The situation can be usually be avoided by patience and honest negotiation. Can also be know as the term “Topping from the bottom” (TFTB)

S A potentially confusing abbreviation. In SM it stands for sadism and so may indicate a sadist. But it can also stand for ‘slave’ as opposed to master or mistress. When used for slave it may be written s in lower case; when used for sadist it is most likely to be written in upper case. Thankfully the sense is usually clear from the context.

Sadomasochism Today term ‘sadomasochism’ usually suggests mutual consensual activity for the purposes of sexual arousal which involves some sort of pain, restraint or domination. However, it covers a wide field with very flexible borders, encompassing all kinds of things that aren’t considered normal or conventional sex: indeed, you sometimes think some people use it to cover everything a little unconventional that they personally find a turn-on. Today most people on the BDSM scene who describe themselves as ‘sadists’ intend to emphasize the enjoyment they obtain from inflicting pain, and those who describe themselves as ‘masochists’ to emphasize the enjoyment they obtain from enduring it, within certain limits.

Safewords, Stop word A word or words agreed before a scene begins that a bottom can use to ask the top to ease up or to stop the scene entirely: the non-verbal equivalent, which may be necessary in the event that the bottom is gagged, is a safe signal or stop signal. It is both a safety device and a way of managing consent, insisted on by some players and avoided by others as artificial. When the bottom uses the word, he or she is said to safe out.

Scat Feces.

Scene Play time, BDSM session time

switch A person who alternates both roles, either from scene to scene or within a scene, is known as a switch or switch-hitter.

Submissive One who gives up control to another.

Subspace A delicious feeling of endorphin induced haze. emotionally a nice place to go.

Slave Once used more generally for an SM bottom, this is now becoming limited to submissive in a long-term dominant- submissive relationship Submission…The act of or interest in submitting to a someone else’s will, within limits, for sexual purposes.

TENS unit Transcutaneous Electrical Neural Stimulation unit, one of a number of machines designed for applying electrical pulses to the body at safe levels.

Top and its compliment bottom are two terms coined in the last two decades to designate the ‘agent’ and ‘patient’ roles respectively in an SM scene while avoiding the loadedness of the existing terms like master-slave; they can be used just in relation to the scene itself and don’t imply anything about the participants’ regular practice, though they are also used to describe people who typically take one role or the other.

Topping from the bottom when a sub/bottom is trying to control the scene while in a non controlling role.

Top space/ Domme space Dom’s attitude.(like subspace)

Toys A collective term for the paraphernalia of SM such as floggers, canes and crop sometimes used more specifically for toys designed to be inserted into bodily orifices such as butt plugs, dildos and cock rings.

Torture In SM, usually used to indicate the use of techniques that produce sustained sensations of continuously variable intensity, some of which may be painful, usually focused on some identifiable body part. May also refer to pleasurable sexual stimulation alternating with deliberate frustration.

Total Power Exchange Term occasionally used to describe a 24/7 relationship.ull-time (24/7) dom-sub or master/mistress-slave relationship Vanilla Term used by SM’ers, fetishists and so on to mean ‘normal’ sex without SM or fetish activities.

Violet wand A device used in electrical play to discharge radio energy as spectacular sparks onto a bottom: the sensation is similar to the static charges sometimes encountered when walking in certain shoes on certain artificial fibers, but can be varied in intensity.

24/7 24 hours a day, 7 days a week master/mistress-slave relationship.

Resource Article : MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com

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Insider lingo

How talk to someone in Femdom and know the terminology

help with some basic Femdom terms…(also see Dictionary of terms)

Erotic power exchange or Femdom practices are full of its own special lingo. We’ll try to avoid it as much as we possibly can here but there are some basics you need to know.

The partner in charge is usually called dominant, Dom, Domme, top or master and sometimes the active partner. The other partner is usually either called submissive, sub, bottom or slave and sometimes the passive partner. People who like to play both ways are usually simply referred to as switches. We’ll have a lot more to say about all these roles later, but this will give you a basic foundation for our discussions here.

Top/bottom come from the gay and lesbian world; master/slave – although very often used today – mostly have their roots in early pornography. You can just about ignore the terms sadist and masochist since they are seldom used by those actually in the Lifestyle, although some subs may say they are masochistic as well, meaning that they (predominantly) enjoy pain impulses.

The classic shorthand for erotic power exchange is either S and M (sadomasochism) or BDSM, the latter being short for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. Other abbreviations in popular use are D and S or D/s (dominance and submission) and B and D (either bondage and dominance or bondage and discipline). Of course the BDSM acronym has now been expanded to also include D/s (Dominance and submission).

The words sadism and masochism were invented by Austrian psychiatrist R. Krafft-Ebing over a century ago, based on the names of two writers: De Sade and von Sacher-Masoch. Krafft-Ebing was not publishing about erotic power exchange but about mental diseases. And that, ever since, has created the confusion, the stereotyping and the prejudice. Just like de Sade was never a Marquis (French nobleman) but the son of a rich landowner, sadism and masochism as Krafft-Ebing used them, have virtually nothing to do with erotic power exchange. In an effort to avoid terms like S and M some people use the word algolagnia, which is again the wrong word. It comes from a combination of the Greek words algos (pain) and lagnia (lust). The problem here is that this is another misused term from the psychiatric world. Not everybody who is into erotic power exchange is also into pain.

Below are a few more terms in pretty common usage today (we’ll be adding more expansive writings about several of these later):

24/7 – Full time erotic power exchange relationship (24 hours/7 days)

Gorean – Erotic Power Exchange, based on the (SF) Gor novels of John Norman

Gothic – reference towards Medieval, Vampire or mystical style EPE

LDR – Long Distance Relationship (usually a euphemism for an Internet based – online – relationship)

Ligotage – The French (stylish) word for bondage

PE – Power Exchange

RL – Real Life (relationship)

SSC – Safe, Sane and Consensual (the basic tenants of EPE)

Torquemadian – Reference to Medieval style EPE, based on Torquemada, the infamous Spanish Inquisitor

TPE – Total Power Exchange

VICSS – Voluntary, Informed Consensual, Safe and Sane

Article by MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com

Related Articles:

Dictionary of terms – Talk like the lifestylers all the terms you need to know.

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Buying Guide for Femdom

truck with packages

Table of Contents

Shopping for Femdom online offers lots of benefits you won’t find shopping in traditional stores. The worldwide stores of the Internet never close. – any time, 365-days a year. Taking advantage of their low overhead, Internet vendors often offer highly discounted prices. Savings can be substantial. In addition, Internet stores now offer more safe and flexible payment methods than ever before.

One of the coolest capabilities enabled by the Internet is that when you’re using it, you’re not bound by geographical location. This is especially handy when you’re shopping. Before the Internet, you were pretty much stuck with the selection and prices in the stores around your home. Now, you can shop anywhere, any time, and you can be competitive about it.

Of course, there are some risks that come with shopping online, too. Although identity theft is more common in the real world, it still happens online pretty frequently, as does credit card fraud. So staying safe while you’re shopping online is paramount. Here are some tips for shopping safely online:

Use common sense when purchasing anything from online

  • If buying adult items AVOID PAYPAL.

Paypal is NOT a bank and is NOT governed by any banking laws. Therefore when you clicked “I accept the user agreement” You unknowingly agreed to many unfair rules regarding the use of paypal. Paypal Acceptable User agreement state

“Violating PayPal’s Acceptable Use Policy may result in temporary or permanent limitation of a customer’s account. This includes the inability to send and/or receive payments, to remove financial information from an account, and for users to close their accounts as a way of evading the policy. Additionally, users whose accounts are permanently limited for violating the Acceptable Use Policy are barred from future use of PayPal and its services, and such users are not permitted to open new or additional PayPal accounts.”

If you buy online videos then you are in violation of Paypals Acceptable User Policy “PayPal will process payments for the purchase and sale of certain sexually oriented physical goods but currently does not allow transactions for sexually oriented digital goods.” If you do your homework and research before buying and it is a reputable company/website then they will gladly offer you numerous ways to pay securely. And remember if buying an ADULT item on ebay the sellers CANNOT take paypal, so don’t yell at the sellers, yell at ebay.

Important: PayPal may not be used to pay for any item listed in eBay’s Mature Audiences category.

  • Do Your own research –

Be sure to do your own research of a site BEFORE buying. Read their message boards or customer comments, if buying from an auction site then read their feedback.

  • Search for Reviews of a site –

There are other websites out there that will review a site. Check them out. If you read bad reviews then use common sense and don’t buy. Look for a feedback section on the site and look for comments about the seller based on previous transactions. Look for a “trust mark” from a reputable organization, like BBBOnLine, to make sure the online retailer is reliable and has a proven track record of satisfying customers. If in doubt, conduct Web searches about the site in order to determine its legitimacy and check for a Better Business Bureau (BBB) report at www.bbb.org. From the Business Software Alliance and the Council of Better Business Bureaus.

  • Check their payment options –

Be sure you know what your are signing up for BEFORE you join. Different pay sites have different payment options from a one time fee, to a recurring monthly fee. ASK. Ask how it will show up on your credit card, be sure you are using a secure serve to pay. Ask! Any reputable seller will gladly answer your questions. Choose Credit Over Debit: You probably don’t often hear advice to use a credit card instead of a debit card or cash, but if you can do it responsibly, you absolutely should. Credit cards offer protection from identity theft that debit cards don’t. For example, with a credit card, your liability for fraudulent charges caps at $50 as long as you report the fraud within 30 or 60 days (depending on the company). However, if you’re using your debit card online and someone gains access to it, they can clean out your checking account before you even learn there’s a problem. It’s likely you’ll get part of that money back, but possible that it can take a while, and that you won’t get it all. So, use a credit card instead and pay the bill off monthly.

Disposable Is Better: Even better than using a credit card is to use a disposable credit card. Disposable credit cards work just like most gift cards. You add a specified dollar amount to the card, and it’s good until that is gone. Once it’s gone, you can add more, or purchase a new one. And both Visa and American Express now offer these cards in varying amounts, so they’re easy to get hold of. The bonus is that if the number from a disposable credit card is stolen, it’s anonymous, and criminals can’t gain access to anything more than the dollar amount that’s still available on the card.

Verify Website Security: The variety that’s available when shopping online can be dizzying, but it doesn’t stop at just the products and prices that are available online. There are also different levels of security that are available online, and you want to be aware of them. Some online web sites don’t offer secure shopping. That means that savvy criminals can capture everything that you enter onto a form on those sites, including your personal and credit information. If you’re going to shop online, limit yourself to secure sites. You can tell if a site is secure by the URL. A secure web site starts with HTTPS: instead of HTTP://. Secure sites will also have a small lock icon. Don’t Store Information Elsewhere: Many shopping sites, even the major ones, offer you the ability to save your credit card information on their servers to speed the shopping process. Think Amazon.com’s OneClick shopping. It’s definitely faster, but there are some risks to maintaining your personal information elsewhere. If a company that you’re shopping with has a data breach, your personal information could be put at risk. It takes a little longer, but instead of storing your information on some server that you have no control over, just enter it yourself each time you shop. Price and selection are two of the best benefits to shopping online. But don’t let the benefits lull you into complacency. Take the time to shop securely, and use caution with the sites that you choose to shop on. Then, not only can you find great deals, but you can do it without the worry that your identity will be stolen in the process. Don’t Shop Publicly: If you plan to do any shopping online, do it at home. At home, you can shop in your Pj’s (or naked) and you can do it any time of the day or night. You also know who accesses your computer at home. If you’re using a public computer—at the library, at a cyber café, or at work—to do your shopping, you have no control over who might be using that computer as well. You also don’t have any control over what kind of spyware or malware might be infecting that computer. So, just don’t do it. Shop at home. It’s much safer.

  • Check their Contact Information –

A good site will offer more then just an email for contact. So check their contact information, see if its easy to locate and accurate. Call them, email them. Use their customer service. For is it this vary same customer service you are going to have to use if there is a problem with your items/account. * 

Read the Terms – Is their a guarantee if so what is it? Is it a recurring bill, every 30 days every 90 days. Are you locked into a 6 months contract? You approve the terms of the site so KNOW what the terms are.

  • Cancellation/Return Policies –

How much notice to cancel your subscription? How long does it take? How do you cancel? If buying goods, is their a return policy, a restocking fee, a time limit. Find and read the Web site’s privacy policies to understand what personal information is being requested as well as why and how it will be used. – Look for disclosures about the Web site’s security, refund and return policies, and statements about how the Web site will use your personal information. Look for links to “About” pages or “FAQ” pages. If a Web store says nothing about protecting your privacy, shop somewhere else. *

Joining/Buying – Be sure when using your credit card that the site is SECURE. Keep track of your credit card statement. Many adult sites and retail toy sites will use alternate names. Find out how its going to be billed and under what name.

  • If dissatisfied with an item/product/service contact the company FIRST –

Most companies would rather deal with you first and keep you happy as a customers. So contact the company first before filing a complaint with online Auctions or leaving negative feedback or doing a charge-back. Once done, it cannot be undone. So try talking to someone at the company and if you did your homework, then the company will gladly do what it takes to keep you happy.

  • Be polite –

Politeness will go a lot further then nasty emails or rude phone calls, you are dealing with people. 

Research and Read Reviews

Before making any purchase, it’s crucial to do thorough research and read reviews about the website or platform you are considering. Look for reputable websites that have positive customer feedback and a good reputation in the industry.

Reading reviews will give you insights into the quality of products, customer service, and overall shopping experience.

Check for Discreet Packaging and Billing

Privacy is of utmost importance when it comes to adult purchases. Make sure to check if the website offers discreet packaging and billing. Look for information on their website or contact their customer support to confirm that your purchase will be shipped and billed discreetly, without any explicit references to the products.

Read the Return and Refund Policy

Before making a purchase, carefully read the website’s return and refund policy. Ensure that they have a clear and fair policy in case you are not satisfied with your purchase. Look for information on how to return products, any associated costs, and the timeframe for refunds.

Conclusion

When it comes to making adult purchases online, being cautious and well-informed is essential. Take the time to research and read reviews, check for discreet packaging and billing, choose secure payment methods, and read the return and refund policy. By following these tips, you can ensure a smooth and secure adult shopping experience online.

Article by MissBonnie © collarncuffs.com

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Myths

Table of Contents

MYTH: BDSM is abuse.

FACT:  BDSM is not abuse. The participants in BDSM are loving, caring, communicative, consensual adult partners that know the risks of what they do and the pleasures they can receive from doing them.  The actions used in consensual BDSM are negotiated, involve the communication of limits and boundaries that are not to be crossed and instill the use of a safeword that stops all action as soon as it is spoken. Everything is fully agreed upon by all parties involved.
Abuse is a pattern of controlling and manipulating the actions, thoughts and life of another person without their consent. The tactics of control (physical abuse, psychological and emotional abuse, economic abuse, and/or sexual abuse) used by batterers are not used in the context of a consensual, negotiated BDSM relationship and cannot be stopped with a safeword.
BDSM is Safe, Sane and CONSENSUAL…..Abuse is NEVER consensual.

MYTH: BDSM is all about pain

FACT: The assumption that it is all about pain is because that is the most prominent and the most conflicted with mainstream thought. Pain isn’t enjoyable to all people and you don’t have to enjoy pain to be into BDSM. Maybe you only like bondage, or maybe it’s the power exchange that you are really drawn to. Either way it doesn’t have to involve pain at all. For those that it does involve pain, they also enjoy other aspects of the BDSM lifestyle.
People are wired differently. Studies have shown that sexual arousal stimulates endorphin production (naturally occurring hormone that masks pain and produces feelings of euphoria). That production can also be stimulated by BDSM. This gives rise to the concept of pleasure/pain. Some submissives get enjoyment in the thought that they are accepting pain for their Dominant. Others simply enjoy the heavy sensations. They can often go quite a long time and can achieve an endorphin high that is remarkably similar to orgasm.  Almost all of BDSM play is not about the pain, but the excitement that comes from the sensation of the pain and mentally pushing past those barriers to reach that state of total bliss.
BDSM is about enjoyment, stimulation, pleasure, and most of all, trust.  It is about eliciting emotions through activities that may appear harmful but are actually carefully orchestrated.  BDSM is never done with the intent to harm or endanger and never done in anger or times of stress.
While some players seek pain in a manner that is pleasurable to them, many other players seek sensations and stimulation through a variety of other forms of BDSM. The range of actions in BDSM is quite broad and most participants do not enjoy all of the activities or roles. In fact, many BDSM practitioners prefer cross-dressing, bondage, mild spankings and control, known as Dominance and submission. For many it is being able to give up control and be under the will of another that gives them the most pleasure.

MYTH:People in BDSM are into pain and like to hurt each other.

FACT: BDSM activities are regulated between partners by means of intense negotiation, the setting of limits and activities partners will not engage in and the use of safewords.
Part of the allure of BDSM is the appearance of danger. Partners may be bound, harsh looking implements are utilized and emotions may run high.  However, BDSM practices are performed in such a way that the element of danger, while still present in appearance, is practically eliminated.  Partners – even casual partners – have respect and care for each other, and work together to avoid physical and emotional trauma.
While the use of a BDSM ‘toy’ or ‘implement’ may look painful, pain is perceived differently from person to person. A light flogging may be too intense for one person, while a heavy flogging may be perfect for someone else.  Some people who practice BDSM are truly into pain, but the majority of practitioners utilize increasing doses of strong physical sensation through BDSM activities to accomplish a higher goal – the production of those endorphins within the body!  The intensity of the sensations are carefully controlled by communication between partners in order to assure the submissive partner’s comfort and to prevent the experience of unwanted pain.

MYTH: People who engage in BDSM were all abused as children.

FACT:  While this seems to be an assumption made mostly by psychologists or counselors, there is no documented proof that BDSM activities, or the desire to engage in them, come from childhood abuse or trauma.  Like all communities, there is usually a small percentage of individuals for whom this may be true, but for the majority, it is not, and sweeping generalizations tend to further stigmatize our diverse needs.
While some people who practice BDSM may be survivors of childhood abuse there are many more that have never experienced abuse in childhood or in adulthood. There is no cause and effect relationship between childhood abuse and becoming a BDSM practitioner.

MYTH: Only gay men practice anal sex.

FACT: A person’s interest in anal play has nothing to do with attraction to the same sex. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation or gender identity, and every thing to with enjoyment of the sensations created. People in the BDSM lifestyle can be Gay, Straight, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgender, just as Vanilla people can be any of those as well. Both men and women engage in anal play in the BDSM Femdom lifestyle. Just as sexual orientation is who you are, the desire to engage in anal play is also who you are and what you need to be. Partnerships range from Male Dom/male sub to Male Dom/female sub to Female Domme/male sub to Female Domme/female sub.

MYTH: The Dominant partner is a control freak.

FACT: People who take on a Dominant role in BDSM / Femdom like to engage in CONSENSUAL control of a partner for the partner’s pleasure.  Dominants negotiate with their partners and then engage in the type of ‘control’ their partner desires.Don’t confuse Dominant with domineering. A domineering person is somebody overbearing who likes to control others all the time, whether the other person likes it or not.In BDSM, the submissive willingly gives up the control to the Dominant, who takes that control, combines it with his own energy and redirects it back to the sub. Each gives up something to the other so that, together, they can achieve the pleasures they are both looking for.  

MYTH: I am a Mistress, so everyone must respect me.

FACT: Says who? Anybody can give themselves a title. It’s what we do and how we handle ourselves that defines us. This is not about giving yourself a title, it’s about the attitude behind the title. Which would mean more?… someone calling you Master / Mistress because you ordered them to; or calling you Master / Mistress because they respect you for your love, honor, compassion and integrity? 
Ultimately submissives have the final say. They can submit or not, they can give respect or refuse you.  No one deserves a rank or title just because they hold the Dominant role or because they say so. Respect is earned, not assumed. A Mistress who has to demand respect, has not earned it and is therefore not truly deserving of it.

MYTH:The submissive partner is weak.

FACT: Not by a long shot! The majority of submissives involved in BDSM /Femdom are strong, self-sufficient individuals, who have intense and high-powered occupations. They feel the need to practice the submissive role because it is a means of escape for them from having to make decisions. It is very common to find lawyers, doctors, CEO’s and politicians who practice the submissive role. They know what they want and participate of their own free will. There are a lot more submissives on the scene than Dominants.
This is probably one of the biggest myths about the BDSM/Femdom lifestyle. The vanilla society perceives submission to be a weakness because they do not understand the dynamics of submission. The opposite is what is true.  It takes a very strong person to trust completely in another person to the point of turning control of their body, mind, heart and life over to them. In fact, being a submissive and being able to trust someone like this, makes them even stronger and more confident. It is indeed one of the strongest things a person can do.
Men who are submissives, are especially some of the strongest and most confident in the lifestyle. They are able to come to a Dominant and fully submit when the world around them tells them they should be in control. They are able to take down the walls that they put up for the outside world and become who they truly wish and need to be.

MYTH: All submissives are expected to act a certain way.

FACT: Why? If everyone was the same, this would be a very boring world indeed.  The best way to act for all participants, whether Dominant or submissive, is to be yourself. Submissives don’t all come prepackaged from a BDSM/ Femdom training camp!
Submissives in a relationship would be expected to act how their Master has trained them to act. This varies from couple to couple. To each their own, there is no right or wrong. Unattached submissives should be polite and courteous, as this will go a long way towards finding a Dominant and getting that play date.
At private clubs, submissives are expected to act a certain way, as are Dominants, but everyone should know that going in. Some clubs can be pretty formal, but most tend to be more laid back. As long as the club rules and safe-sane-consensual are followed at all times, everyone is allowed to do their thing. Some couples are very formal, while others prefer to be more relaxed. Neither is necessarily right, just different. Private club rules have to be followed, but they would never try to squash a person’s individuality.

MYTH: BDSM is all about sex.

FACT: BDSM can be intensely sensual, but it doesn’t have to be intensely sexual. To say that sex never occurs in BDSM is a lie. It’s just that it doesn’t have to. BDSM play is sexual for some but this is not true for everyone. There are some who practice BDSM who do not experience any sexual arousal. Many people have wonderful, high as a kite experiences without any sexual contact at all. They find that endorphin high through the broad variety of BDSM activities.
Being in the scene also doesn’t mean you are automatically going to get laid. Using a position in the scene to coerce sex, non consensually, is NOT what BDSM is all about.

MYTH: People who engage in BDSM Femdom are all promiscuous.

FACT: Just like in all communities, there are some members of the BDSM Femdom community who are a bit freer with their bodies and will engage in any type of activity with just about anyone, but the majority of people within the BDSM community, especially those who are married or in long term relationships, are monogamous in one way or another.
Some partners are completely monogamous – they do not play or have sex with any other people in any way whatsoever. Other partners will engage in physical play, like flogging, spanking, or teasing with others, but will not engage in any type of sexual activities with them.  And others will engage in physical play and some sexual activities, but not anal or vaginal penetrative sexual activities.

MYTH: BDSMers are all people who live on the fringes of society.

FACT:  It is believed that because BDSM isn’t widely accepted that the only people who participate are lower class, criminal types, secretive people and others that aren’t accepted in mainstream openly. This is simply not true. The need to be involved in BDSM is in your blood, it is the way a person is wired. There are very prominent people into BDSM, from all walks of life, all over the world.
No one is excluded. BDSM practitioners are lawyers, doctors, politicians, teachers and businessmen.  We are students, housewives, waiters, members of the PTA and that nice teller at the bank.  We go to church, spend holidays with our families and laugh at silly comedies. We have probably treated you at your local hospital, waited on you at the grocery store and walked past you on the street. We are just like everyone else.

This myth is prevalent because so many people have to keep their sexuality a secret because of the negative repercussions of society. Discrimination is still strong when it comes to BDSM, mostly because people don’t understand it and don’t want to understand it. It is not abuse, it is not violence. So many states still rule BDSM and Femdom behavior as assault and that pushes people even further into secrecy.
It’s who we are, not where we came from or what we do that should matter in our lives. But sadly, ignorance towards BDSM/Femdom runs rampant in this world.

Resource Article : MissBonnie

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