I like to do bondage while I play Femdom, but how do I store my rope
Store rope neatly coiled, since kinks and twists can cause undue wear, and in a cool, dry place, away from direct sunlight, such as an indoor cupboard or closet. Never store it outside, or even in a garage. Fluctuations in temperature and humidity will weaken it and may cause rot. Even so-called ‘water resistant’ marine grade rope will eventually wear and break under moist conditions; it will just take longer to deteriorate.
Properly stored rope will last a long time and serve you well.
Poor care will cause rope to weaken and eventually to break. This is particularly important to remember if safety could be compromised by rope failure, as in techniques like suspension. It is difficult to tell how much damage time, moisture, and the sun have caused to a rope: it could look completely sound, but still let you down. The only way to maintain safety is to take proper care in looking after it. Rope stored neatly will also be much more convenient to use during a scene. Don’t embarrass yourself by keeping an eager partner waiting while you wrestle with a spaghetti of ropes! Some well-organized bondage enthusiasts find it useful to keep coils of rope sorted or even color-coded by length and type. The even more organized insist on ‘chaining’ rope.
Chain-stitching Rope for Storage
Coiling rope for storage usually leaves something to be desired. Even coiled rope tends to tangle in your toy bag, and if you grab the wrong end when you’re uncoiling it, it can quickly get hopelessly tangled up. It is very frustrating if you are halfway through tying someone up and you have to stand there for ten minutes untangling your rope before you can continue. The solution is to chain-stitch your ropes for storage. This is how climbers store their ropes. It is basically the same stitch used to fasten the tops of potato bags and feed bags. To chain-stitch a rope, put the two ends of the rope together and lay them across your right palm, pointing in the direction of your thumb.
Wrap the long ends of the rope around the back of your hand, so they end up where they started.
With two fingers of your other hand, reach up (from the finger side) under the ropes, grab the long ends, and pull it out to form a loop.
Remove the loop from your hand, and pull the ends of the ropes moderately tight.
Reach through the loop from the back and grab the long ends of the rope.
Pull them through, forming a new loop
Reach through the new loop from the back and pull another loop through. Continue doing this till you are at the end of your rope.
Take the end of the rope, tuck it through the last loop, and pull it tight.
The final result looks like this:
To use the rope, pull the end back out of the last loop. Pull on the end, and the loops will all fall apart, and you will again have a straight piece of rope.
Bondage is probably the most risky area of BDSM, but also the most popular, especially with newcomers. Accidents do happen. Many of the most experienced practitioners have had incidents. Shibari, in its original form, was designed not only to restrain, but to torture and kill. Do not underestimate the effects of even relatively simple bondage. Have fun but go slowly and don’t take chances.
Since suspension massively increases the risks, it should not be attempted without the personal guidance of an experienced practitioner.
Do not rely on bondage pictures you see on the net as a guide to what is safe bondage practice. They are likely to be of experienced bondage models in positions only held for the few seconds it takes to shoot the picture and are staged by an entire crew. Much of it is definitely not safe. Also, with the use of photo-editing software, the impossible can easily be faked.
emt shear
Always keep a safe tool capable of quickly cutting your strongest rope to hand, e.g. EMT shears or bandage scissors. If you use chains, you’ll need bolt cutters. If you need them, you are likely to need them quickly. Monitor the bound person very carefully. Communication is essential. Check to see if there is any unwelcome discomfort, whether a knot or rope could be adjusted for better effect. A knot digging in or a rope chaffing can adversely affect the whole experience. Eye contact will tell you volumes. Observe breathing and skin temperature.
Make sure you have unambiguous safewords.
A safeword can be any pre-arranged signal or word to end or change the pace of the session. This is vital when screaming or other pleas to stop could be just part of the game. For example, colors are popular choices, e.g. red = stop immediately, orange = I’m approaching my limits and green = go on. Safe-words are important and must always be obeyed instantly. Don’t even joke about ignoring them. If you have any doubt that the person tying you will not respect them, walk away. An experienced dominant should be aware enough to pre-empt their use and any good one will take their use seriously.
The ‘double squeeze’ technique is a sensible safeguard, i.e. the binder gives two squeezes of the hand to the bound person; if all is OK, they return them. Failure to respond should set the alarm bells ringing. It is recommended that you are familiar with basic First Aid and resuscitation.
Falling and fainting
The most obvious hazard to both falling and fainting are impact injuries through striking the floor or other objects. In order to minimize the risk of fainting, you should make sure that the bound person has eaten fairly recently and does not become dehydrated. Energy drinks, water and snacks are good to have handy. Alcohol and drugs (legal or otherwise) should be avoided as they increase the likelihood of accidents.
However, bondage carries additional risks. Be very careful what you tie to fixed or heavy objects. For example, the consequences of tying piercings in this way and a fall could be very unpleasant – what could happen to genitals doesn’t even bear thinking about.
Fainting or a fall can easily result in dislocation or strangulation, as ropes can be pulled out of position or result in unexpected stresses.
Tight bondage and hands above the head positions tend to figure in many fainting incidents. I have also noticed that corsets appear to exacerbate the problem. However, suspension is the most likely type of bondage to cause fainting as it produces extra stresses and is likely to make breathing difficult. Recently, after suspension, I had one sub faint as she was being removed from the bondage and another come close to it. Fortunately, in both cases, the warning signs were heeded and they were both brought to the ground safely. Make very sure you know what you are doing before trying suspension.
At the risk of stating the obvious, make sure that any fixing or suspension points are very secure. For overhead points, you can be reasonably sure that floor joists are strong enough. However, your fixings should be of suitable specification and properly mounted. Miss a joist and you will almost certainly bring the ceiling down. Guaranteed to kill your passion, if not you or the other person. Wall mounted points for suspension will either need to be screwed into brickwork with Raw plugs or directly into the battens in a cavity wall. If in doubt, get qualified help.
A further point to consider is what will happen if the dominant faints for any reason (such as epilepsy, accident or over-excitement). There should always be a margin of safe time when the person being bound can remain as they are while the one binding recovers.
Fire and emergency
If the worst happened, how quickly could you get you and your playmate out of the house? It is all too easy for a candle or cigarette to get forgotten in the heat of the moment and start a fire. Could you find your safety scissors in time?
Leaving a bound person unattended is just plain irresponsible. Any of the problems in this section could occur, and with no means of escape, the consequences could be damaging or lethal.
Medical contra-indications
Common sense should apply. In my opinion, those with conditions such as heart, breathing problems, blackouts or fits should avoid bondage. Bondage can be very stressful. One should also be aware of injuries or anything, which may be exacerbated.
Rope burn and splinters
Test ropes on yourself. Pull the rope across your own skin (a soft and sensitive area) and note how fast it has to travel before it becomes uncomfortable. Synthetic rope heats up at much slower speeds than natural fibre. Some natural fibers can be very harsh and prickly, e.g. sisal. Washing or boiling the ropes solves this problem. Fabric conditioners or an oil, such as Mink oil, can be used to soften the ropes further. Stray fibres can be carefully burnt off with a candle.
Cheap polypropylene ropes often seen in builders merchants and DIY stores are unsuitable as they can shed minute splinters, especially when they become old.
Choking, strangulation and breathing difficulties
To minimize the risk of strangulation, never place a rope over the front of the neck or around the neck. Nooses are definitely out. The only safe configuration is halter neck style, so any pressure is on the back of the neck. You should also be aware of ropes, which may slip and end up around the neck. The risks are multiplied with suspension or if the bound person falls or faints.
A bound person cannot remove a gag. It is your responsibility, so you need to be observant and not leave them unattended. Never use anything that could be swallowed, become lodged in the throat or obstruct the airways. Breathing difficulties can also be caused by constriction, e.g. of the rib cage. Don’t tie too tight. Remember that as you add wraps of rope or cinch the bindings, the tightness will increase.
Certain positions can make breathing difficult. The degree of stress to which the bound person is subjected can also increase breathing rates. Never underestimate the effect of being bound in a fixed position can have over time. The muscles, if over-stressed can become exhausted, and the result is positional asphyxia. This is very unlikely to happen to somebody who is being monitored but it is a serious risk if you leave somebody alone for a long time or fail in a self-bondage escape.
In particular, suspension needs to be treated with extreme care as it can turn normally comfortable ties into crushing constriction. Suspension was used as a method of torture in the original forms of Shibari. It can kill. Most serious incidents are a result of self-bondage or auto-erotic asphyxiation gone wrong. For example, the fool-proof escape system can become impossible with numb hands or cramp. The old adage “If it can go wrong, it will” is worth considering.
Circulation
radial nerve
At best, lack of circulation causes ‘Pins and needles’ and numbness. At worst, body parts are damaged or even die without a blood supply.
Restricting circulation should be avoided by keeping a little slack in the ropes. The ‘one finger rule’ is that you should be able to slip a finger under the bondage. Keep an eye out for ropes tightening during play or as you build up the bondage. Insist that they should not to try to be a hero and inform you immediately of any tingling, unpleasant pain or loss of sensation.
Avoid placing knots on blood vessels, e.g. on inside of wrists. Also, tie above, not on joints. The thicker the rope and the more turns, the lower the risk. Anything less that 6mm (1/4“) should be avoided for general use. Hands usually suffer first. So as not to end your scene prematurely and for safety, it is a very good idea to do your bondage so that the hands can be easily released without having to untie everything else.
Temperature is a good indicator. Note how warm the person’s hands and feet are at the start of the scene. If they become noticeably colder, it is possible that circulation has been restricted. Another test is to squeeze a finger or toe and see how quickly the color returns to the nail. The slower the return, the worse the circulation.
Nerve damage
Nerve damage can be painless and thus occur without any warning. It can be permanent. The first method of minimizing damage is to stick to the ‘one finger rule’. The second is to familiarize yourself with the major nerves and where they are at risk from compression.
It is a very serious risk with suspension bondage as this increases all the loads and stresses. The most common problem seems to be radial nerve damage, often due to pressure on the outer side of the upper arm, Problems can arise when a ‘box tie’ or chest-harness which also surrounds the arms , as opposed to only the chest, is used as a suspension point. Make sure you know where this nerve runs. The point in the middle of the upper arm is very vulnerable, roughly where the nerve disappears behind the bone in the diagram.
Dislocation
Obviously, physical force should be used with care. Moving a bound person around can put unexpected strains on limbs. Falling creates, probably, the biggest hazard; not only from contact with the ground, but also where limbs are attached to a static object. Hoists, pulleys etc. should be used with care, the extra mechanical ‘muscle’ they provide could easily result in dislocations.
Always be aware of the risk of the person falling. Having the arms tied will hamper their balance. Loose or surplus rope can cause a tripping hazard. It is not a bad idea to attach a safety rope to part of the body harness to a secure overhead point, especially if the bondage evolves balancing on one leg.
Where not to tie
I make no apology for reiterating that you should never place a rope across the throat or in a way that it could obstruct circulation or breathing. Passing the rope over the back of the neck ‘halter-neck style’ is the only safe method and even then it should not be so tight as to press on the throat.
In general, bindings should not be placed on joints, except the hips. This can lead to loss of circulation or nerve damage. Take care to place arm or leg bindings above the bony area of the joint. Leave plenty of slack as cinching will often tighten the binding more than you expect. Use the ‘one finger’ rule.
Why is bondage fun? Lots of reasons. For many people, the knowledge that they are helpless, that someone else can do things with their body and they can’t prevent them, is a powerful turn-on. “I’m going to make you cum and there’s nothing you can do about it.” It’s a very strong statement of trust to let someone bind you helplessly, or even non-helplessly. How erotic, to feel yourself spread open, wanton and wet or hard, and to see your lover kneeling between your legs, ready to use you for their pleasure – or to pleasure you unendurably….
For others, the simple sensation of rope bondage feels good. Tight rope constriction can create very intense stimulation, and lots of tight bondage can be a sensory trip, just as a whipping scene can be. Rope bondage can feel comforting, pleasantly confining; you don’t need to worry about anything, since what can a submissive you do? You’re all tied up, and all that’s left is to enjoy.
For yet other submissives, it’s a charge to struggle, to let your body lose control. It can really intensify the male orgasm when you cum with every muscle straining against your rope bonds, trying to get your hands free to smash your lover’s face into your crotch, your body shaking. If you weren’t tied down you’d hurt yourself!
For me, it’s all three of these reasons
An especially intense form of bondage is verbal bondage: putting your bottom in some position (spread-eagled, kneeling, whatever) and commanding them not to move… and then tormenting them! One kinky variation on this is as follows: have your bottom hold their hands out in front of them, fingers splayed, each fingertip touching the opposite fingertip. Put a penny between each pair of fingertips so they’re holding five pennies. Now order them not to let a single one drop, on pain of some punishment or other, and then go to work! This works best on a hard floor so you can hear the coin drop.
There are a bunch of common-sense things to know about if you want to get into bondage. Most of these are pretty obvious, but they’re stated here because that’s what a FAQ’s for! The basic idea, though, is to experiment. The first few times you won’t really know what you’re doing, and that’s fine! Take your time trying different positions, different kinds of rope, whatever. And if you’ve got a new idea that you want to try out before your big date… well, why not try it on yourself? If you can get into a position comfortably, you can probably make your bottom comfortable in that position!
Make sure your bottom’s extremities don’t start getting cold or turning blue; those are both sure signs that blood isn’t flowing the way it ought to, and that isn’t what you want to have happen. If your bottom’s hands are bound inside mittens or some other place that’s not accessible to you, ask them to wiggle their fingers or toes or whatever and see if they’re losing any feeling. It can be tricky to tie someone up without making it too tight; in general, a good rule is to tie loosely with lots of turns of rope. You can tighten such a tie with just another turn around all the rest, and it can be a real drag to have a bottom’s foot fall asleep in the middle of a scene; this kind of thing can feel very annoying and distracting, and can make it hard for your bottom to concentrate on what you are making them feel.
Silk scarves, bandannas, etc. also have this problem with tightening under tension; sometimes they get so tight they have to be cut off. If you’re a novice, you may want to avoid these hassles by purchasing a pair of basic ankle and wrist cuffs (in leather, velcro, or whatever) at an adult toy store; and if you get embarrassed, remember the old standby excuse: “It’s a gag wedding gift!” If your the crafty type as in making things! We even have instructions in the community forum.
Handcuffs are sexy, but they can also be a pain. Shoddy cuffs (the kind you buy at the sporting goods store) are liable to break while being worn–then you have to file them off. If you want to play with handcuffs, get a good quality pair; the usual brand is Peerless, and they’ll cost about $30, with a double lock so you can snap them on and then lock them so they won’t get tighter under pressure (as cheap cuffs will). Handcuffs are also bare metal, and aren’t good to struggle against, as they can easily pinch nerves… padded, buckling bondage cuffs are better for those sorts of games.
Do not leave a bound person alone. Though it is a hot fantasy to tie someone up in some precarious position (possibly with vibrators or other devices buzzing/pumping away) and leave them to stew, in reality you must consider: what if the house is burgled? catches on fire? earthquake? any sort of emergency? Fun is fun, but a helpless person is just that: helpless. A willing partner is too precious to take risks with.
More safety tips and info…
Be very careful about tying anything around the neck; anything that puts any pressure AT ALL on the front of the neck can lead to unconsciousness quickly, as the carotid arteries go right to the brain. Likewise be careful with gags or things tied in the mouth; as well as restricting breathing, they can trigger a gag reflex, which could be really nasty if the bottom can’t get the gag out. See another question on safe words for use while gagged.
Also, be aware that if someone is standing for any length of time in any sort of tight bondage, it can lead to less circulation to their head; if you suddenly do something intense to that person, it may trigger a head rush which could easily result in a faint. Always use hooks which can be released instantly even with the bottom’s full weight on them (these are sometimes called “panic snaps” and can be found in good hardware stores), and keep a pair of bandage scissors handy in case ropes or straps need to be cut loose.
Be careful what you tie your bottom to; if an exposed water pipe is handy, be aware it may heat up. Likewise with candles; be careful when you’re waving flame around someone who’s bound, as they can’t flinch the way unbound people can.
If you don’t have anything handy to tie someone to, you can always tie their wrists behind their back and then to their waist. Or if your bed doesn’t have any posts, you can wrap ropes around the legs of the bed and spread-eagle your bottom that way. In general, there are a million ways to tie someone up, and a little practice–on your bottom or on yourself!–will let you improvise in almost any situation.
Below I list a few sorts of common bondage devices mentioned here in stories and postings. If you read a term here which you don’t understand, write us and we’ll add a description.
Mummification or Cocooning:
About the most complete form of bondage is to wrap someone up so they are completely immobile. The most popular way to mummify someone is with plastic wrap. A common technique is to wrap each limb separately, then wrap the arms to the sides, and then wrap the legs together–and then help the bottom lie down on an adjacent soft surface. You can then cut holes (carefully!) to access any especially sensitive areas, or wrap duct tape over it all for extra security, or add gags, blindfolds, etc. One way the body releases heat is by sweating, and while mummified you can’t sweat too much, so make sure your bottom doesn’t overheat–and have a blanket ready to cover them with when you cut them out of their cocoon, using the bandage scissors (obtainable from medical supply stores–one flat blade makes cutting easier) which you of course have ready to hand. And as always, monitor your bottom very carefully; they are helpless, and your neglect or inattention could spell disaster. We do have further resource page on Mummification if your interested in this style of play
Bondages
Hoods:
Many leather stores and artisans make bondage hoods. These are typically constricted of leather or rubber. Some have simple zippers, and you zip them up to secure them. Others have laces on the back and/ or the sides, to enable the hood to be laced more tightly, for greater bondage effect. Some hoods have eye holes, some don’t. Some hoods have mouth holes, some don’t. Some deluxe hoods have built-in earmuffs or even space for earphones, for sensory deprivation. Almost all hoods have nose holes, for obvious reasons. Hoods can restrict a bottom’s breathing quite seriously, and tops must remain continually aware of their bottom’s condition while their bottom is wearing a hood–especially if the hood is combined with any form of gag. Do not leave a hooded bottom alone; breathing difficulty can come on quickly. Some people believe that any hood without a zipper or other extra-quick-release mechanism is too dangerous to use on a bottom. In any case, you should have some bandage scissors at the ready if the hood needs to be removed in a big hurry.
Body bags in Femdom Play:
If you like being bound, the ultimate extreme is bondage which encompasses your entire body, leaving you with no motion whatever. Bondage body bags (or “sleep sacks”) resemble a well-tailored, snug sleeping bag, often made out of leather or spandex. Spandex body bags are the least expensive, and if made from heavy enough spandex can be very restrictive indeed. Often body bags have an opening at the upper end, through which you slide your feet, pulling the bag up to your neck. Many have other openings for genitals or nipples, so your bottom can be pleasured or tortured while immobile. Leather body bags can be arbitrarily complex (and expensive); some have built-in internal arm sleeves to further minimize motion, or suspension straps so the bag, bottom and all, can be lifted into the air. Some have laces around the outside so the bag can be cinched to a downright painful tightness. If you REALLY have money to burn, you can even get inflatable rubber body bags–get in it and pump it up, and float away! Caveats about breathing and quick-release apply here as well.
Arm binders for Restraint Play:
Restraints, typically leather, that bind both arms behind the back. Some resemble large gloves that pull up over both arms and buckle around the shoulders. Others are straps that go down the middle of the back and have attached wrist cuffs. In general, there are lots of kinds of bondage gear, and you can even invent your own. Be very careful about tying anything around the neck; anything that puts any pressure AT ALL on the front of the neck can lead to unconsciousness quickly, as the carotid arteries go right to the brain. Likewise be careful with gags or things tied in the mouth; as well as restricting breathing, they can trigger a gag reflex, which could be really nasty if the bottom can’t get the gag out. See another question on safe words for use while gagged.
Also, be aware that if someone is standing for any length of time in any sort of tight bondage, it can lead to less circulation to their head; if you suddenly do something intense to that person, it may trigger a head rush which could easily result in a faint. Always use hooks which can be released instantly even with the bottom’s full weight on them (these are sometimes called “panic snaps” and can be found in good hardware stores), and keep a pair of bandage scissors handy in case ropes or straps need to be cut loose. Be careful what you tie your bottom to; if an exposed water pipe is handy, be aware it may heat up. Likewise with candles; be careful when you’re waving flame around someone who’s bound, as they can’t flinch the way unbound people can. If you don’t have anything handy to tie someone to, you can always tie their wrists behind their back and then to their waist. Or if your bed doesn’t have any posts, you can wrap ropes around the legs of the bed and spread-eagle your bottom that way. In general, there are a million ways to tie someone up, and a little practice–on your bottom or on yourself!–will let you improvise in almost any situation.
Below I list a few sorts of common bondage devices mentioned here in stories and postings. If you read a term here which you don’t understand, write us and we’ll add a description.
Hobble skirts, Some Times Called Bondage Skirts:
Fetish clothing is often designed not just to look good and feel good, but to act almost as bondage in its own right. Hobble skirts are a perfect example: they are simply skirts which fit very snugly from waist down to ankles. Often the wearer can take steps of only a few inches while wearing the skirt (thus the term “hobble skirt”). When combined with a pair of high heels, these skirts can be almost totally immobilizing, even without any other bondage. Leather or rubber are (again) the typical materials, though some dedicated tailors make their own from velvet or satin or other sensuous materials.
