Tag: Femdom BDSM

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Navigating Guilt and Shame in Femdom BDSM: Embracing Your Kinks and Fetishes

topless man hiding his face

Table of Contents

Introduction to Femdom BDSM

All of us at some time face guilt and shame when it comes to Femdom interests.

Femdom BDSM, short for Female Dominance Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism, is a subset of BDSM where the dominant partner is female. This dynamic entails a consensual power exchange, where individuals willingly engage in roles that emphasize dominance and submission. In this context, the female dominant, or “Domme,” exercises authority and control, while the submissive partner relinquishes power, often deriving pleasure from this exchange.

The allure of Femdom BDSM lies in its ability to fulfill deep-seated desires and fantasies that revolve around control, submission, and power dynamics. For many, this practice is an avenue for exploring aspects of their sexuality that they may not feel comfortable expressing in more conventional settings. The structured environment of Femdom BDSM allows participants to safely delve into these fantasies, often resulting in heightened emotional and sexual satisfaction.

Central to Femdom BDSM is the imperative of mutual consent. Consent is non-negotiable and must be explicitly given by all parties involved. This means that boundaries, limits, and preferences are thoroughly discussed and agreed upon before any activity begins. Trust is another cornerstone of this practice; submissives must trust their Domme to respect their boundaries and ensure their well-being. Similarly, Dommes trust their submissives to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and limits.

Communication is paramount in Femdom BDSM. It is through ongoing dialogue that participants can express their desires, set boundaries, and ensure that the experience remains enjoyable and safe for everyone involved. Safe words, pre-established signals that indicate a need to pause or stop, are often used as a means of maintaining control and safety during scenes. These elements collectively create an environment where individuals can explore their kinks and fetishes without fear of judgment or harm.

Understanding Guilt and Shame in BDSM

The exploration of BDSM, particularly Femdom, often intersects with deep-seated psychological aspects of guilt and shame. It is essential to understand these emotions to navigate the complex landscape of kink and fetish practices. Guilt and shame, though sometimes used interchangeably, are distinct feelings. Guilt arises from a sense of wrongdoing or perceived moral failure, whereas shame is a more pervasive feeling of inadequacy or worthlessness, often tied to one’s self-identity.

Societal norms and stigmas surrounding sexuality significantly contribute to these feelings. Traditional societal views frequently label BDSM practices, especially those involving female dominance, as deviant or perverse. Such labels can instill a sense of guilt in individuals who engage in or desire these practices, leading them to believe their actions are morally wrong. This guilt is often magnified by the internalization of societal judgments and the fear of being ostracized or judged negatively by others.

Shame, on the other hand, reaches deeper into the psyche, affecting one’s self-concept. The stigma around BDSM, particularly Femdom, can lead to an internalized belief that one’s desires are inherently flawed or abnormal. This can result in profound feelings of shame, where individuals feel there is something fundamentally wrong with who they are. This type of shame can be detrimental, impacting mental health and overall well-being.

Understanding the difference between guilt and shame is crucial in addressing and mitigating these feelings. Recognizing that guilt pertains to actions while shame relates to self-perception allows individuals to more effectively process their emotions. This awareness can be the first step towards embracing one’s kinks and fetishes without the heavy burden of guilt and shame. By identifying the societal roots of these feelings, individuals can begin to challenge and dismantle the negative perceptions that contribute to their emotional distress.

The Origins of Guilt and Shame in Kink Exploration

The exploration of kinks and fetishes within the realm of Femdom BDSM is often intertwined with complex feelings of guilt and shame. These emotions stem from various influences, including upbringing, cultural and religious beliefs, and past experiences. Understanding the origins of these feelings can provide valuable insight into the internal conflicts many individuals face as they navigate their sexual desires.

Upbringing plays a significant role in shaping one’s perception of BDSM and other non-normative sexual practices. Individuals raised in conservative or traditional households may have internalized strict norms about sexuality and what is considered acceptable behavior. These early lessons can lead to a sense of guilt when deviating from those norms, especially when exploring kinks that are viewed as unconventional.

Cultural and religious beliefs further compound these feelings. Many cultures perpetuate the idea that sexual activities should conform to specific standards, often emphasizing heterosexual, monogamous relationships. Religious doctrines may also stigmatize certain sexual behaviors, labeling them as sinful or immoral. Consequently, individuals with a strong cultural or religious background might struggle with guilt and shame when their sexual interests fall outside of these prescribed boundaries.

Past experiences, including exposure to societal attitudes and personal relationships, significantly influence one’s comfort with their sexual preferences. Negative experiences, such as shame-based sex education, bullying, or judgment from peers, can create lasting psychological barriers. These experiences often reinforce the idea that their kinks and fetishes are abnormal or wrong, leading to internalized shame.

These factors collectively contribute to the internal conflict many individuals face when exploring Femdom BDSM. The clash between personal sexual desires and ingrained societal expectations creates a challenging emotional landscape. Recognizing the origins of guilt and shame is a crucial step in embracing one’s kinks and fetishes, allowing for a more fulfilling and authentic exploration of BDSM dynamics.

Healthy Communication with Your Partner

In any BDSM relationship, particularly one involving femdom dynamics, effective and healthy communication is paramount. Open and honest dialogue with your partner can significantly alleviate feelings of guilt and shame, transforming them into a mutual understanding and deeper connection. Discussing your emotions candidly is vital to establishing a supportive and consensual environment where both partners feel valued and heard.

Begin by creating a safe space for these conversations. Choose a time when both you and your partner are relaxed and free from distractions. Express your feelings of guilt and shame without fear of judgment. Use “I” statements to communicate your experiences and emotions, such as “I feel ashamed when…” or “I feel guilty about…”. This approach helps in personalizing your feelings without attributing blame, encouraging a more empathetic response from your partner.

Setting clear boundaries is another critical aspect of healthy communication in BDSM relationships. Discuss and agree on what activities are acceptable and which are off-limits, ensuring both parties are comfortable and consensual. Establishing safewords is equally important. Safewords act as a crucial safety mechanism, allowing either partner to pause or stop an activity. Choose words that are easy to remember and unmistakably signal a need to halt the action. Additionally having a non verbal safeword.

Aftercare routines play a significant role in addressing the emotional and physical aftermath of BDSM play. Aftercare involves checking in with each other post-session to ensure both partners feel secure and cared for. This can include physical comfort, such as cuddling or providing water, as well as emotional support through open discussions about the session. Address any feelings of guilt or shame that may arise, reaffirming your mutual respect and affection.

Healthy communication in BDSM relationships fosters trust and ensures that both partners can explore their kinks and fetishes without fear of judgment. By discussing your feelings openly, establishing boundaries, and prioritizing aftercare, you create a foundation for a dynamic that is both fulfilling and respectful.

Self-Acceptance and Embracing Your Kinks

Understanding and embracing one’s kinks and fetishes within the realm of Femdom BDSM can be a transformative journey. It is essential to approach this process with patience and self-compassion. The first step towards self-acceptance is education. By learning about BDSM and Femdom, individuals can gain a clearer understanding of their desires and how they fit within the broader spectrum of human sexuality. Comprehensive resources such as books, reputable websites such as CollarNcuffs.com, and educational workshops can provide valuable insights and dispel common misconceptions.

Reach For Your Dreams

Whether you’re looking to enhance your relationship or simply explore your own desires, our Community provides a safe and supportive space for you to thrive. So come and join us today, and embrace a world of exciting possibilities.

Join The Community

Joining supportive communities is another crucial aspect of this journey. Engaging with like-minded individuals who share similar interests can foster a sense of belonging and acceptance. Online forums, local meetups, and social media groups dedicated to BDSM and Femdom provide platforms for sharing experiences, asking questions, and receiving encouragement. These communities often emphasize the normalcy and validity of diverse sexual preferences, helping individuals to see their desires as part of a rich tapestry of human expression.

Seeking out positive resources is also important. Consuming content that portrays BDSM and Femdom in a healthy, consensual, and respectful manner can reinforce the legitimacy of one’s kinks. This includes reading articles, watching educational videos, and listening to podcasts that focus on the psychological and emotional aspects of BDSM. Positive representation aids in breaking down internalized shame and guilt, replacing them with a sense of pride and self-worth.

Most importantly, individuals must practice self-love. Embracing one’s kinks and fetishes involves recognizing that these desires are a natural part of who they are. It is crucial to affirm oneself regularly, acknowledging that their preferences are valid and worthy of respect. Cultivating a positive self-image and engaging in self-care activities can strengthen this acceptance. Through these steps, individuals can navigate the complexities of guilt and shame, ultimately arriving at a place of self-acceptance and fulfillment within their BDSM and Femdom practices.

Therapeutic Approaches to Managing Guilt and Shame

Managing feelings of guilt and shame in the context of Femdom BDSM can be a complex process, often requiring professional intervention kink aware professionals. Various therapeutic approaches can aid individuals in navigating these emotions, thereby fostering a healthier relationship with their kinks and fetishes. One effective method is sex-positive therapy, which focuses on normalizing diverse sexual expressions and reducing associated stigma. This approach encourages individuals to embrace their desires without judgment, creating a safe space to explore their sexuality.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is another valuable tool in managing guilt and shame. CBT helps individuals identify and challenge distorted thought patterns that contribute to negative emotions. By re-framing these thoughts, clients can gradually shift their perspectives and reduce the intensity of their guilt and shame. This therapeutic approach is particularly beneficial as it equips individuals with practical strategies to manage their emotions in real-time.

Additionally, seeking out kink-aware therapists can be instrumental in the healing process. These professionals are knowledgeable about the unique dynamics of BDSM relationships and can offer tailored guidance. They understand the importance of consent, power exchange, and the emotional complexities involved, providing a non-judgmental environment for clients to discuss their experiences openly.

Other mental health interventions, such as mindfulness-based therapies and psychodynamic approaches, can also be effective. Mindfulness practices help individuals stay present and grounded, reducing the tendency to ruminate on past experiences of guilt and shame. Psychodynamic therapy, on the other hand, delves into the deeper, often unconscious roots of these emotions, facilitating a more profound understanding and resolution.

In conclusion, reaching out to professionals who specialize in sexual health and kink-aware therapy is a crucial step in managing guilt and shame associated with Femdom BDSM. By leveraging these therapeutic approaches, individuals can cultivate a healthier and more accepting relationship with their kinks and fetishes, ultimately enhancing their overall well-being.

Consent and ethical practice form the cornerstone of any BDSM activity, particularly within the realm of Femdom BDSM. Understanding and adhering to these principles not only ensures the safety and well-being of all parties involved but also plays a pivotal role in alleviating feelings of guilt and shame that may arise from engaging in such practices. Consent in BDSM is not just a one-time agreement but a continuous, informed, and enthusiastic affirmation from all participants.

One of the primary methods to ensure ethical practice in Femdom BDSM is through thorough and transparent negotiation. Before any scene or activity begins, it is crucial for the Dominant and submissive to discuss their boundaries, limits, and expectations. This negotiation should cover all aspects of the encounter, including safe words, physical and emotional limits, and aftercare needs. By clearly communicating desires and boundaries, both parties can engage in the activity with a mutual understanding and respect, reducing the likelihood of guilt and shame post-session.

Respect is another fundamental aspect of ethical Femdom BDSM. This involves recognizing and valuing each participant’s autonomy and limits. The Dominant must exercise their power responsibly, ensuring that their actions are consensual and do not cause harm beyond the agreed-upon limits. Similarly, the submissive must feel empowered to voice their needs and limits without fear of retribution or judgment. This mutual respect fosters a safe and trusting environment where both parties can explore their kinks and fetishes without negative emotional repercussions.

Guidelines for practicing Femdom BDSM responsibly include continuous education about BDSM practices and dynamics, regular check-ins with partners, and maintaining open lines of communication. Additionally, it is beneficial to engage with the broader BDSM community for support and resources. These measures help create a responsible and ethical framework for Femdom BDSM, which in turn can mitigate feelings of guilt and shame by reinforcing that the activities are consensual, respectful, and safe.

Conclusion: Embracing a Positive Femdom BDSM Experience

Throughout this Resource Article, we’ve explored the intricate dynamics of guilt and shame within the realm of Femdom BDSM. Understanding that these feelings are often rooted in societal norms and personal insecurities is the first step in addressing them. By acknowledging and processing these emotions, individuals can pave the way for a healthier and more fulfilling BDSM experience.

Consent and ethical practices are the cornerstones of any positive BDSM relationship. Establishing clear boundaries, open communication, and mutual respect are essential for creating a safe space where all parties can explore their desires without fear of judgment or harm. This foundation not only enhances the experience but also builds trust and deepens the connection between partners.

It is important to remember that embracing one’s kinks and fetishes is a personal journey. Self-acceptance and confidence are crucial elements in this process. By shedding societal stigmas and internalized shame, individuals can fully immerse themselves in their chosen lifestyle. This journey is unique to each person, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it.

For those who practice Femdom BDSM, it is vital to foster an environment of continuous learning and growth. Engaging with educational resources, joining supportive communities, and seeking guidance from experienced practitioners can provide invaluable insights and reinforce the importance of ethical practices. This commitment to self-improvement ensures that the BDSM experience remains positive and rewarding for all involved.

In conclusion, Femdom BDSM, when approached with consent, ethics, and open communication, can be an empowering and enriching form of sexual expression. Embrace your journey with confidence, knowing that self-acceptance and mutual respect are the keys to a positive and fulfilling experience. Continue to explore, learn, and grow, and let go of guilt and shame as you fully embrace your desires.

Resource Article : MissBonnie 2024

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Navigating Submissive Drop in Femdom BDSM Play: Understanding, Preparing, and Recovering

sub space

Table of Contents

Understanding Subspace and Subdrop

In the realm of Femdom BDSM play, understanding the emotional and psychological states known as subspace and subdrop is essential for both Dominants and submissives. These states are integral to the experiences and dynamics within BDSM scenes, often shaping the overall interaction and its aftermath.

Subspace, often described as a trance-like state, is a mental and emotional condition that many submissives enter during intense BDSM activities. Triggered by the combination of physical sensations, psychological surrender, and trust in the Dominant, subspace can lead to profound euphoria and deep relaxation. Submissives may experience a sense of floating, disconnection from their immediate surroundings, or a heightened state of consciousness. This phenomenon is comparable to a meditative state or a runner’s high, where the mind and body reach a harmonious balance of stress and pleasure. Understanding subspace is crucial for Dominants, as it requires careful monitoring of the submissive’s well-being throughout the scene.

Following the high of subspace, many submissives may experience subdrop, a state that manifests after the scene concludes. Subdrop can be likened to a physical and emotional crash, characterized by symptoms such as fatigue, anxiety, sadness, and physical discomfort. This drop is often due to the sudden decrease in endorphins and adrenaline that were elevated during the scene. The intensity of subdrop can vary, lasting from a few hours to several days, and it may be influenced by the nature of the scene and the individual’s unique response.

Recognizing and addressing subdrop is as important as understanding subspace. Proper aftercare, including physical comfort, emotional support, and reassurance, plays a pivotal role in helping submissives recover from subdrop. By being aware of these phenomena, participants in Femdom BDSM play can foster a safer and more fulfilling experience, ensuring that both the Dominant and submissive are prepared for the emotional and physical transitions that accompany their dynamic.

Physical and Emotional Symptoms of Subdrop

Subdrop is a phenomenon that can significantly impact both the physical and emotional well-being of a submissive following an intense BDSM session. Recognizing its symptoms is crucial for taking timely and appropriate measures. Physical symptoms of subdrop often resemble those of a mild illness. Submissives may experience fatigue, muscle aches, and flu-like symptoms. This physical depletion is generally a result of the body’s response to the adrenaline and endorphins released during the BDSM play, followed by a sudden drop in these hormones, leading to a state of exhaustion.

In addition to the physical manifestations, subdrop can also profoundly affect emotional health. Submissives may find themselves grappling with feelings of sadness, anxiety, and even depression. These emotions stem from the psychological and hormonal shifts that occur post-session. The intensity of the scene and the subsequent drop in endorphins can leave the submissive feeling vulnerable and emotionally drained. Some individuals might also struggle with feelings of worthlessness or guilt, questioning their actions or their worth within the dynamic.

Understanding these symptoms is essential for both the submissive and the dominant in a BDSM relationship. By being aware of the physical and emotional signs of subdrop, they can better prepare for and manage its effects. This knowledge allows for the implementation of effective aftercare strategies to mitigate the impact of subdrop, ensuring both partners feel supported and cared for during the recovery process.

Preparing for Subdrop

Engaging in Femdom BDSM play requires careful consideration and preparation, particularly when it comes to the possibility of experiencing subdrop. By taking proactive steps to prepare, both the submissive and the Domme can ensure a smoother recovery process and mitigate the severity of subdrop. One of the first steps in preparation is setting up a comfortable recovery space. This designated area should be private, quiet, and filled with comforting items such as soft blankets, pillows, and perhaps even a favorite stuffed animal. The goal is to create a safe haven where the submissive can relax and recuperate both physically and emotionally.

In addition to setting up a recovery space, having essential items on hand is crucial. These may include snacks, water, electrolyte drinks, and any necessary medications. Keeping these items within easy reach ensures that immediate needs can be met without added stress. Warm beverages like herbal tea can also be soothing, helping the submissive to rehydrate and calm their nerves. Additionally, having soothing music or a playlist prepared can create a tranquil environment conducive to recovery.

Effective communication with the Domme about aftercare needs is another vital component of preparing for subdrop. Open and honest dialogue before the scene can help both parties understand what aftercare will be most beneficial. This may involve discussing physical comfort measures, such as massages or warm baths, as well as emotional support, such as reassurance and gentle conversation. Understanding these needs in advance allows the Domme to provide the appropriate care and attention, fostering a sense of security and trust.

Preparation for subdrop is an essential aspect of Femdom BDSM play that should not be overlooked. By creating a comfortable recovery space, having essential items at hand, and communicating clearly about aftercare needs, the experience of subdrop can be managed more effectively, leading to a healthier and more positive BDSM experience.

Preventing Subdrop

Preventing subdrop entirely may not always be feasible, but several strategies can significantly reduce its likelihood or severity. One critical element is the pacing of scenes. Ensuring that scenes are appropriately paced helps manage the submissive’s emotional and physical energy levels. Gradually intensifying the scene can prevent overwhelming the submissive, which is often a precursor to subdrop.

Proper hydration and nutrition are also essential in mitigating subdrop. Engaging in BDSM play can be physically demanding, and the body requires adequate fluids and nutrients to maintain balance. Encouraging the submissive to drink water and consume light, nutritious snacks before and after a scene can help maintain their energy levels and overall well-being.

Employing grounding techniques during play can also be beneficial. These techniques, which may include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, or tactile interactions, help the submissive remain present and connected. Grounding techniques can serve as an anchor, preventing the submissive from becoming too detached or overwhelmed by the intensity of the scene.

Post-scene check-ins between the submissive and the Domme are paramount in the prevention of subdrop. These check-ins allow for immediate feedback and emotional support. The Domme can assess the submissive’s physical and emotional state, provide reassurance, and address any concerns that may arise. This interaction fosters a sense of safety and trust, which is crucial in reducing the risk of subdrop.

While these strategies cannot entirely eliminate the possibility of subdrop, they can create a more controlled and supportive environment. By prioritizing pacing, hydration, nutrition, grounding techniques, and post-scene communication, both the Domme and the submissive can work together to minimize the impact of subdrop on their dynamic and enhance the overall experience of their BDSM play.

Recovering from Subdrop

Experiencing subdrop can be challenging, but there are effective methods to aid in recovery. Rest is a crucial component; after an intense BDSM scene, the body and mind need time to recuperate. Ensuring adequate sleep will help restore energy levels and promote emotional stability. Hydration is equally important, as it assists in maintaining physical health and can alleviate some of the physical symptoms associated with subdrop. Drinking plenty of water or electrolyte-rich beverages can be particularly beneficial.

Incorporating self-care routines is another essential step in recovery. Activities such as taking a warm bath, practicing mindfulness or meditation, and engaging in hobbies that provide comfort can significantly contribute to emotional well-being. Light physical activities, such as gentle stretching or yoga, can also help in grounding oneself and alleviating any residual physical tension.

Self-compassion plays a pivotal role during this recovery phase. Recognizing that experiencing subdrop is a natural response to the physiological and emotional demands of intense BDSM scenes is vital. It is important to be kind to oneself and to allow time for the body and mind to heal. Surrounding oneself with supportive individuals who understand the dynamics of BDSM can provide emotional reassurance and comfort.

Moreover, communicating with one’s partner or dominant about the experience can be beneficial. Sharing feelings and thoughts can foster a deeper connection and understanding, which can be comforting during the recovery process. It is essential to remember that subdrop is a temporary state, and with proper care and attention, it is possible to recover fully and continue to enjoy fulfilling BDSM experiences.

Effective Aftercare in the Days Following Playtime

Aftercare is a crucial component of BDSM play, extending beyond the immediate aftermath of a scene. In the days following playtime, effective aftercare practices can significantly mitigate the effects of subdrop—a phenomenon where submissives experience emotional or physical lows after intense scenes. Planning for this period with intentional activities and support systems can aid in a smoother recovery.

One essential aspect of aftercare during this time is planning for downtime. Submissives should allocate periods for rest and relaxation to allow their bodies and minds to recuperate. This might involve taking a day off work or scheduling lighter tasks to avoid overwhelming oneself. Engaging in self-care routines, such as taking warm baths, practicing mindfulness, or indulging in favorite hobbies, can also provide solace and help in re-centering oneself.

Additionally, engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment can be highly beneficial. This could include anything from enjoying a favorite movie or book to participating in creative endeavors like painting or writing. These activities not only offer distraction but also contribute to a positive mindset, counteracting the feelings of emptiness or sadness that may accompany subdrop.

Staying connected with the Domme or sympathetic friends is paramount. Communicating openly about one’s feelings and experiences can foster a sense of support and understanding. Regular check-ins, whether through messaging or phone calls, can reassure the submissive that they are not alone in their journey. This sense of connection can be a powerful antidote to the isolation that sometimes accompanies subdrop.

Finally, maintaining a level of physical activity is crucial. Light exercise, such as walking or yoga, can elevate mood and energy levels. Physical activity stimulates the release of endorphins, which are natural mood lifters, helping to combat the emotional lows typically associated with subdrop.

By integrating these aftercare practices, submissives can better navigate the days following an intense BDSM scene, ensuring a balanced and positive recovery process.

Creating a Personal Submissive Drop Aftercare Kit

Submissive drop, or subdrop, is a common occurrence within the dynamics of Femdom BDSM play. It is crucial to prepare for this emotional and physical state by assembling a personalized aftercare kit, specifically tailored to aid in the recovery process. Such a kit can be a lifesaver, offering immediate comfort and care when it is most needed.

First and foremost, consider including comfort foods in your aftercare kit. These could be anything that brings you a sense of warmth and familiarity, such as your favorite snacks, chocolates, or a soothing cup of herbal tea. The simple act of eating something comforting can help elevate your mood and provide a much-needed sense of stability.

Entertainment items like favorite books or movies can also be integral to your recovery. These distractions can help shift your focus away from the physical and emotional aftereffects of a session, offering a form of mental escapism. A beloved book or a feel-good movie can be a powerful tool for emotional grounding.

Cozy blankets are another essential component. The sensation of being enveloped in a soft, warm blanket can provide a sense of security and comfort, akin to a comforting hug. This physical warmth can be particularly soothing during the vulnerable period of subdrop.

Self-care items such as bath products can add an extra layer of comfort to your aftercare routine. Scented bath bombs, bath salts, or essential oils can turn a regular bath into a therapeutic experience, helping to relax both the mind and body. A warm bath can also help alleviate any physical discomfort you may be experiencing.

By taking the time to assemble a personalized aftercare kit, you are proactively addressing the potential challenges of subdrop. This foresight allows you to have a ready-made solution at hand, ensuring that you can quickly and effectively manage the emotional and physical repercussions. Creating a well-rounded kit tailored to your individual needs can make a significant difference in your overall well-being and recovery.

Supporting a Submissive During Subdrop: A Guide for Dommes

Subdrop, an emotional and physical low that a submissive may experience after an intense BDSM session, requires thoughtful and deliberate support from Dommes. The role of a Domme extends beyond the scene; it involves providing a safe and nurturing environment for the submissive to recover. Effective support during subdrop begins with maintaining open communication. It’s crucial for Dommes to encourage their submissives to express their feelings and needs honestly. Regular check-ins and active listening can significantly help in understanding what the submissive is going through.

Offering reassurance is another key aspect. Submissives might feel vulnerable or uncertain about their experiences and emotions during subdrop. Providing consistent reassurance can help them feel secure and valued. Simple affirmations like “You are safe,” “You did wonderfully,” and “I am here for you” can work wonders in calming their anxieties. Physical support is equally important; gentle touch, cuddling, or even just being physically present can provide immense comfort.

Emotional support should not be overlooked. Dommes should strive to be patient and understanding, recognizing that each submissive’s recovery process is unique. Encouraging activities that promote well-being, such as taking a warm bath, engaging in light conversation, or watching a favorite movie together, can facilitate emotional recovery. Additionally, ensuring the submissive is hydrated and nourished can aid in physical recuperation.

While supporting a submissive during subdrop, Dommes must also prioritize their own well-being. Self-care is essential to maintain the energy and emotional stability needed to support their partner effectively. Simple practices such as taking time for oneself, engaging in relaxing activities, or seeking support from other Dommes can be beneficial. Balancing self-care with the care of a submissive ensures that both parties can recover and continue their BDSM journey healthily and sustainably.

Resource Article MissBonnie 2024

related reading

sub space drop in Femdom play scenes

Ok… the sad thing is that most people do not have a good understanding of what sub drop is… not even Dominants who have been in the lifestyle for quite some time. The article I posted before this comes close in explaining why sub drop occurs, but in reality it still lacks quite a lot of the deep explanation necessary for every Dominant to know in order to take care of their submissive after a play session, as it mostly discusses what causes sub space, not necessarily the mechanics of why someone drops.

Subspace in Femdom and BDSM

This word we use to describe the psychological (mental) and physical state the submissive can – but does not (always) have to – reach as a result of BDSM interaction. On the Internet especially you will see a lot of stories and articles about “subspace”. Most of these unfortunately got it dead wrong. This leads to a lot of confusion. For example “subspace” and orgasm are often mixed up.

Science is still a long way away from fully understanding “subspace”. That’s no big surprise, since very little – actually hardly any – coherent scientific research has been done in this area. However, we do know more than enough to be able to do away with many of the misconceptions and misunderstandings.

After Care

Aftercare is the last act of the SM Femdom scene. It is the culmination, the final act, the finishing touches, the phase where the participants (usually the tops) formally give the fantasy scene a context in everyday reality.

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Exploring Primal Play in Femdom BDSM: A Comprehensive Guide

Domme up against a wire mesh fence

Table of Contents

Introduction to Primal Play in Femdom BDSM

Primal play in Femdom BDSM represents a distinct and compelling facet of the broader BDSM landscape. Central to primal play is the focus on raw, instinctual behavior, often manifesting through animalistic role-playing. This form of play strips away the layers of societal norms and expectations, allowing participants to connect with their most basic, unfiltered selves. The emphasis on natural instincts and visceral reactions sets primal play apart from more structured and scripted BDSM activities.

In the context of Femdom, or female dominance, primal play can be especially potent. It offers a unique avenue for exploring power dynamics, as the Dominant (often referred to as the “primal predator”) exerts control over the submissive (the “primal prey”). The interactions are less about pre-defined roles and more about a spontaneous, organic exchange of power. This dynamic can be deeply satisfying for those who seek a more instinctual and less cerebral experience.

Primal play’s appeal lies in its ability to tap into the innate, often suppressed, parts of human nature. Participants might engage in activities like growling, wrestling, or chasing, which evoke a sense of physicality and presence that is both liberating and exhilarating. The focus is on the experience of the moment, driven by an unfiltered connection to one’s desires and responses. This raw engagement can be profoundly intimate, fostering a deep sense of trust and mutual understanding between partners.

Within the broader BDSM community, primal play occupies a niche that is both ancient and contemporary. Its roots can be traced back to historical and cultural rituals that celebrated human physicality and instinct. Today, it continues to resonate with those who find conventional BDSM scenes too constrained or artificial. By embracing the primal aspects of human nature, Femdom primal play offers a pathway to self-discovery and emotional authenticity, enriching the BDSM experience with its unique blend of power and raw, instinctual interaction.

Understanding Primal Play: The Basics

Primal play is a subset of BDSM that emphasizes raw, instinctual behavior and physical interaction. Unlike other BDSM practices that may rely heavily on tools, costumes, and role-playing scenarios, primal play strips away these elements to focus on the natural dynamics between participants. The core of primal play is the physicality involved; it often includes wrestling, biting, and other animalistic behaviors that allow individuals to engage with each other on a more visceral level. This approach can be deeply liberating for those who participate, as it encourages the release of societal norms and the embrace of one’s primal instincts.

One of the distinguishing features of primal play is the absence of elaborate props and intricate setups. The play space is usually minimalistic, allowing participants to concentrate on their physical and emotional connection. This simplicity can make primal play more accessible to beginners, as it requires fewer resources and less preparation time. The emphasis is on the raw, unfiltered interaction between individuals, which can lead to a more genuine and intense experience.

Psychologically, primal play involves a significant departure from everyday behavior. Participants are encouraged to let go of their social conditioning and tap into their most basic instincts. This process can be both cathartic and empowering, providing a safe space for individuals to explore sides of themselves that are often suppressed in daily life.

The release of societal norms allows for a more authentic expression of one’s desires and emotions, fostering a deeper connection between participants.

Primal play also differs from other forms of BDSM in its focus on mutual consent and boundaries. While the interactions may appear rough or chaotic, they are always underpinned by clear communication and respect for each other’s limits. This ensures that the experience remains safe and enjoyable for everyone involved. Understanding these fundamental aspects of primal play can help readers appreciate its unique appeal and consider whether it might be a suitable addition to their BDSM repertoire.

Common Misconceptions About Primal Play

Primal play within the realm of Femdom BDSM often attracts a variety of misconceptions, primarily due to a lack of understanding about its fundamentals. One of the most pervasive myths is that primal play is inherently violent or dangerous. This misconception arises from the raw, unfiltered nature of the activities involved, which may appear aggressive to the uninitiated. However, it is crucial to note that primal play, like all forms of BDSM, is grounded in mutual consent and strict safety protocols. Both parties communicate their boundaries and establish safe words to ensure a controlled and consensual experience.

Another common misunderstanding is the belief that primal play is exclusively for ‘hardcore’ BDSM practitioners. This myth can be particularly discouraging for those new to the scene who may feel that they lack the necessary experience or intensity to participate. In reality, primal play is highly adaptable and can be tailored to fit various comfort levels and experience stages. Whether you are a novice or a seasoned participant, primal play offers a spectrum of activities that can be customized to suit individual preferences and boundaries.

Furthermore, there is a mistaken notion that primal play is predominantly about physical strength or dominance. While physicality can be a component, primal play often focuses more on the psychological and emotional connection between participants. It emphasizes a return to instinctual behaviors and raw, uninhibited interactions, which can be deeply fulfilling on an emotional level.

By addressing these misconceptions, it becomes evident that primal play is a versatile and inclusive form of BDSM that prioritizes safety, consent, and mutual enjoyment. This clarification helps to demystify the practice, making it more accessible to a broader audience and enriching the overall understanding of primal play within Femdom BDSM.

Key Terms and Concepts in Primal Play

Understanding the terminology used in primal play is essential for anyone looking to explore this dynamic aspect of Femdom BDSM. This glossary outlines key terms and concepts, providing readers with a foundational understanding of the language and nuances involved.

Primal

The term “primal” refers to the raw, instinctual, and often animalistic behaviors and sensations that participants embrace during primal play. It emphasizes a return to basic, unfiltered human instincts, stripping away societal norms and expectations. In primal play, individuals act on their natural impulses, which can include physical aggression, vocalizations, and other instinct-driven actions.

Predator

A “predator” in primal play is a dominant individual who embodies the role of the hunter. Predators often exhibit traits such as assertiveness, strength, and a keen sense of control. They may engage in behaviors that mimic hunting, stalking, and capturing their ‘prey’. This role is not just about physical dominance but also encompasses psychological aspects, employing tactics to establish and maintain power dynamics.

Prey

The “prey” is the submissive counterpart in primal play, embodying the role of the hunted. Prey individuals often engage in behaviors that reflect vulnerability, evasion, and submission. They may adopt strategies to escape or elude the predator, creating a dynamic and interactive experience. The role of prey is as much about mental and emotional submission as it is about physical actions.

Animalistic Role-Playing

Animalistic role-playing involves participants adopting the personas and behaviors of animals. This can include growling, scratching, biting, and other behaviors that mimic animal interactions. Animalistic role-playing allows participants to explore power dynamics and instincts in a visceral, immersive way, often heightening the intensity of the primal play experience.

These key terms and concepts form the backbone of understanding primal play in Femdom BDSM. By familiarizing themselves with this terminology, participants can better communicate their desires, boundaries, and roles, ensuring a safer and more fulfilling experience.

Safety and consent are foundational elements in all BDSM activities, including primal play. This form of BDSM, characterized by its raw and instinctual nature, necessitates an even higher degree of vigilance and communication to ensure the well-being of all participants. Establishing clear boundaries and obtaining explicit consent is crucial before any primal play session begins. This involves a thorough discussion about each individual’s limits, desires, and any potential triggers to avoid causing unintended harm.

One of the primary tools for maintaining safety in primal play is the use of safe words and non verbal safewards. These pre-agreed terms allow participants to signal when they need to pause or stop the activity immediately. Commonly used safe words follow a traffic light system: “red” for stop, “yellow” for slow down or check-in, and “green” for proceed. Additionally, non-verbal cues, such as tapping out or specific gestures, can be employed, especially in scenarios where verbal communication might be challenging due to the intensity of the play.

Beyond safe words and non-verbal cues, other safety protocols should be established. This includes setting up a safe environment, ensuring that all participants are in good mental and physical health, and having first-aid supplies readily available. It is also advisable to have a clear exit strategy in case the scene needs to be abruptly ended for any reason.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a safe and consensual primal play experience. This involves not only discussing boundaries and limits beforehand but also checking in with each other during and after the scene. Aftercare is an essential component of BDSM, providing emotional and physical support to help participants transition out of their roles and process their experiences. This may include comforting activities like cuddling, talking, or providing hydration and snacks.

By prioritizing safety and consent, participants can fully immerse themselves in the primal play experience while ensuring that all involved feel respected and cared for. This careful balance of instinct and caution is what makes primal play a deeply fulfilling and transformative practice within the realm of Femdom BDSM.

Incorporating Primal Play into Your Sex Life

For individuals interested in incorporating primal play into their sex life, a gradual and thoughtful approach can be both rewarding and thrilling. Initiating primal play involves a progression from lighter forms of interaction to more intense experiences, ensuring that both partners feel comfortable and consensual throughout the journey.

To begin, consider introducing light role-playing scenarios that emphasize natural instincts and physicality. This can involve playful wrestling or mock chases, where one partner assumes a more dominant, predator-like role, and the other takes on a submissive, prey-like role. These activities can be both exciting and a way to explore boundaries in a controlled environment.

Creating a primal atmosphere is crucial for enhancing the experience. Sensory elements can play a significant role in setting the mood. Incorporate sounds that evoke the wild, such as nature soundtracks with animal calls or rustling leaves. Scents can also be powerful; using essential oils like sandalwood or cedarwood can invoke a natural, earthy ambiance. Additionally, tactile elements such as fur blankets or textured fabrics can heighten the sensory experience.

Communication and consent are paramount when exploring primal play. Regularly check in with your partner to ensure that both parties are comfortable and enjoying the experience. Establish safe words or signals that can be used to pause or stop the activity if necessary. This open line of communication fosters trust and ensures that the exploration remains pleasurable for both partners.

By incorporating these elements and gradually introducing primal play, couples can deepen their connection and explore new dimensions of their sexuality in a safe and consensual manner. The key is to move at a comfortable pace, remain attuned to each other’s needs, and create an environment that supports the primal energy you aim to unleash.

The Benefits of Primal Play

Engaging in primal play within the context of Femdom BDSM offers a multitude of benefits that can significantly enhance the dynamics between partners. One of the primary advantages is the enhancement of intimacy and trust. Primal play, by its nature, requires participants to be highly attuned to each other’s physical and emotional cues. This heightened awareness fosters a deeper connection, as partners must rely on mutual understanding and respect to navigate the intensity of their interactions.

Furthermore, primal play allows individuals to tap into their most instinctual selves, providing a unique form of stress relief. In a world where societal constraints often dictate behavior, primal play offers a rare opportunity to shed inhibitions and engage in raw, unfiltered expression. This release can be incredibly cathartic, helping to alleviate the pressures of daily life.

On an emotional and psychological level, primal play can lead to increased self-awareness and empowerment. By exploring and embracing one’s primal instincts, individuals may gain a better understanding of their desires, boundaries, and personal strengths. This process of self-discovery can be profoundly empowering, as it encourages participants to take ownership of their experiences and assert their autonomy within the dynamics of Femdom BDSM..

Additionally, the physicality involved in primal play can serve as an effective means of releasing built-up tension and energy. The act of engaging in primal behaviors, such as wrestling or chasing, can stimulate the release of endorphins, promoting a sense of well-being and relaxation. This physical exertion, combined with the emotional satisfaction of connecting deeply with a partner, creates a holistic form of stress relief that is both unique and effective.

In summary, the benefits of primal play in Femdom BDSM are multifaceted. From fostering intimacy and trust to enhancing self-awareness and providing a powerful outlet for stress relief, primal play offers a compelling array of advantages. By embracing this form of play, individuals can enrich their relationships and their personal growth, making it a valuable addition to their BDSM practices.

Resources for Further Exploration

For those eager to delve deeper into the world of primal play within Femdom BDSM, a wealth of resources is available to enrich your knowledge and enhance your experience. Here, we provide a curated list of books, websites, online communities, and workshops that are both insightful and practical for enthusiasts and novices alike.

Books:

“The New Bottoming Book” by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy – This book is a seminal guide for anyone exploring the submissive role in BDSM. It offers solid advice and personal anecdotes that make it an engaging read. Though not solely focused on primal play, it provides foundational knowledge that is invaluable.

“The Loving Dominant” by John Warren – This comprehensive guide covers various aspects of BDSM, including primal play. It is particularly useful for those in the dominant role, offering practical tips and ethical considerations.

Websites:

FetLife – Dubbed the “Facebook of kink,” FetLife is a social networking site for BDSM enthusiasts. It hosts numerous groups and discussions specifically about primal play and Femdom BDSM, making it an excellent platform for “singliar” networking and topic learning.

Right here at CollarNcuffs- We are an educational website we offer a variety of video tutorials, articles, and courses on BDSM practices, including primal play. The content is created by those whom live the lifestyle, ensuring high-quality and reliable information.

Online Communities:

Reddit BDSM Community – This subreddit is a bustling forum for discussions on all things BDSM. It features numerous threads on primal play and Femdom dynamics, providing communal support and advice.

Discord BDSM Servers – Discord offers several servers dedicated to BDSM, where real-time conversations can be had about primal play. These communities are often moderated to ensure a respectful and educational environment.

Workshops:

Eventbrite BDSM Workshops – Various online workshops are available through Eventbrite, offering structured learning experiences from experienced instructors. These workshops cover a range of topics, including primal play, with practical demonstrations and interactive sessions.

The Kink Library – This platform offers both online and in-person workshops on a variety of BDSM practices. Their primal play workshops are particularly well-regarded for their comprehensive coverage and expert instruction.

By leveraging these resources, you can continue their journey with a deeper understanding and appreciation of primal play within Femdom BDSM. Each resource offers unique insights and practical advice, ensuring a well-rounded and informed exploration. This “well rounded” advise is what we all need to seek.

Additional reading on site post:

A Beginner’s Guide to Rough or Aggressive Sex

Exploring rough sex involves understanding its intensity and ensuring mutual consent and communication between partners. This blog delves into the importance of setting boundaries, using safe words, and maintaining ongoing dialogue to ensure a safe and fulfilling experience. Learn how proper communication and aftercare can enhance intimacy and trust in your relationship.

Article Resource : MissBonnie 2024

Posted on

Male Sexual Arousal

suede flogger

Table of Contents

You’re a man. Your sexual buttons are pushed easily, as marketing experts, pornography producers as well as Hollywood moviemakers will prove daily. Almost anything – that is advertised with the man in mind – has a hidden sexual motive. Nearly any movie has hidden persuaders deliberately incorporated and pornography of course is obvious. While the objective usually is to make you buy something – a car, a movie ticket, a soft drink or whatever – the side-effect is that you get turned on subconsciously frequently during the day.

Within a BDSM context the daily “turn ons” are even bigger, since you will – consciously or subconsciously – be attracted to many more fetishes, such as leather, high heels or even a dog collar.

Fetishism is perfectly normal

The social conditioning, that we talked about earlier, brought about something else: stygmatizing “fetishism” as abnormal. Of course, if sex is a reward for good social behavior, you (the government or the religion or whatever other regulator) don’t want other incentives that produce a similar effect to what you want to achieve, so you condemn everything else as “wrong”.

The current double social standard is that fetishism and non-mainstream sex are still largely condemned by such powerful and influential social entities as governments, religions, feminist action groups and others, while society at the same time will praise Steven Spielberg (ever wondered why “Jaws” is so appealing?) as a contribution to society, Hollywood still is the major source of visual entertainment (which includes movies such as “Basic Instincts”) and girl-popstars like Britney Spears try to convince the world that their “ooohs” and “aahs” have no sexual connotation whatsoever and they’re NOT a sex symbol.

What is fetishism?

A fetish is a sexual turn on and it can be anything: the sight of a girl on the beach in a bikini, the thrill of a well-turned leg, the sight of a smoothly rounded bottom in a tight pair of jeans, the tempting crevice of a cleavage disappearing into a blouse, you name it. Quite often a fetish doesn’t have to be such an explicit image as the above. Leather upholstery in luxurious sport cars for example has everything to do with the fact that the scent and feel of leather – even outside the BDSM-realm – to many is a (hidden) sexual turn on.

Several years ago a Japanese camera producer – Asahi Pentax – had difficulty selling telelenses. A marketing-psychologist was brought in to try and dertemine what the problem was. His first conclusion, after research, was that the vast majority of men – interested in buying long range telelenses, did NOT by these because they wanted to make pictures of birds and other animals, or wanted to do sports photography. Their hidden motive appeared to be that almost every men – potentially interested in buying a telelens – wanted to do so because he hoped to make a snapshot of his neighbors’ wife or daughter in bath or otherwise naked. As a result: the psychologist advised to advertize the lenses in UPRIGHT positions only (i.e. as a phallus symbol). As a result the salesfigures of telelenses suddenly skyrocketed!

You might be saying – what is there that doesn’t turn men on? And you’d be right – somewhere, someone is being turned on right now by things you never even thought of. It is the peculiarity of the male sexual being that so many things, so little understood, can be sexual stimuli. Your girlfriend may have long flowing locks and long hair may become a compelling stimulus. Other men report similar effects of their first sexual experience – as if, in some way, the various sights and sounds present at that first crucial moment become an imprint for later turn-ons. (Better tell your son to be careful where he first makes out – best if he does it at home in a safe, loving environment with contraception at hand)

Then there is the stimulus of naughty talk – a reaction, perhaps, by the child inside us to being prim and proper, so that simply using naughty words is exciting and stimulating: the same logic might apply to making love in forbidden or risky situations where there is the risk of discovery – the additional adrenaline may simply heighten the excitement and make all the stimuli more intense. This isn’t really high science, though, it’s more like common-sense. What is more difficult to explain are the – what psycholigists, psychiatrists, legislators and doctors will still quickly label – “paraphilias” – in their (outdated) opinion “the bizarre or outlandish sexual stimulii” such as cross-dressing, exhibitionism, voyeurism, high heels, red lingerie, BDSM and so on.

Various ideas have been put forward to explain all this: for example, that men feel guilty about sex and seek somehow to transfer their sexual feelings to objects like underwear, or high heels, which may or may not have an obvious sexual connotation. ALL THIS IS UTTER NONSENS!!! and you shouldn’t worry about it. What de facto is the matter is that from an evolutionary/genetic point of view reproduction (which requires sex) is the number one obligation for any species and that hidden or less hidden persuaders are as normal to birds or elephants as they should be to us. Birds are often multi-colored for that purpose. Squids even produce bio-energetic light to attract the other species. Frogs wake entire towns literally “yelling” out their hornyness and so do crickets.

SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE AS NORMAL AS TRAFFIC LIGHTS.

Their main function is to make a man (elephant, shark or mosquito alike) horny so they will feel the urge to reproduce. True, we’re humans and not animals but that doesn’t mean the signals and effects aren’t there.

Of course, it’s great to feel the rising tide of sexual excitement that results from being near a loved one, or a sexual partner, or even a friend with whom a comfortable sexual relationship but little emotional commitment exists (the nice idea of the gay “fuck buddy” comes in this category: a relationship based on sexual pleasure alone – a relationship which many straight men would accept instantly if it were on offer to them: think of it – sex with no commitment. Wow! Now – is that stereotypical male thinking, and if it is, does it come from our genetic make-up or our learned experiences and attitudes? ). The subtlety of male arousal is such that even a glance, the touch of a lover’s hand, the smell of a lover’s hair, the sight or scent of their clothes (especially fresh off their body), can stir a man’s sexual interest.

That is one of most exciting aspects of being a man – that sudden sexual excitement, the spontaneous erection, the surge of desire that takes one by surprise, the sheer urgent, sexiness of it all. While in the end emotional connection is more satisfying, and, with the right partner, can reinforce one’s sense of self and one’s sense of masculinity, the “instant pleasure buttons” any man has shouldn’t be ignored or denied. Yes they can be – and should be – fun and there is no reason why you shouldn’t just enjoy this innocent sexual pleasure.

Listen to your body

There is nothing wrong with listening to your body. Your physical sexual respons to your environment is a very complex process of hormonal reactions, most of which is yet to be mapped and understood by science – the process as well as the complex set of triggers, reactions and mental and physical responses.

As a result, the most important as well as sensible thing to do is – within the context of your personal situation – to listen to your body, get the monkeys off your back and open yourself up to your sexual needs, desires and reactions.

And, talk about them! Tell your partner when you feel aroused and – if you know – why. Not only does that bring about a better understanding of what you are and what turns you on, it also makes it clear to her when your aroused (horny) and why and very likely BOTH of you will enjoy the moment. While that doesn’t HAVE to result in actual, instant intercourse, there is nothing wrong with a quicky on the kitchen table either and that can and will sometimes greatly improve your relationship.

Your partner is probably a fetish

It is very likely that your partner, as a person or (parts of) her body are a fetish to you. This might be anything, but very likely it will be her hair, mouth, neck, breasts, butt, legs or something and usually more than one thing. While we are (social conventions again) NOT to like and desire women for their body, that is exactly one of the things that you should learn to communicate about.

We need to explain yet another double social standard. We – men – are indeed taught not to like women for their body. While at the same time we’re bombarded with conflicting signals: from sexy dresses, to perfume – from hairdo to just about any commercial. Of course all of that is NOT an open invitation to rape and sexual harrassement! But is IS a signal that you will respond to and are supposed to respond to (albeit in a civilized way). The opinion – spread by feminist groups and others – that women are allowed to dress the way they want to and that men are not supposed to interpret that as a sexual signal is far to easy and actually both pretty cheap as well as untrue. Of course is short skirt is a sexual signal – so is a bikini, so is lipstick, so is perfume. It may very well not be JUST and ONLY a sexual signal, but it is a pretty naive idea that you can put on a perfume that has all the hidden aromatic persuaders in it and expect men NOT to respond to it.

So, do respond to it (towards your partner that is, not the female sitting next to you in the bus!). If you like her legs – tell her!

On top of that – most men fantasize about “different ways of having sex” – different as in having oral sex, anal sex or cumming between her breasts, all over her face or in her hair. The fact of the matter is that most women fantasize about exactly that (fantasies about being raped, abducted or being used as a sexual object or being a whore or a slut are the most common ones among women). So don’t be afraid you’ll shock her if you tell her about your fetish, because it is very likely she’ll have the same one or at least a similar one of her own.

And here is another helpful hint: the vast majority of women fantasize about what they will describe as “male men” (truckdrivers, man smelling of diesel, freshly cut wood and – VERY IMPORTANT – fresh sweat as well as men in business attire). So, be male – down to earth feet in the clay male – chances are she’ll love you for it.

Physical and mental attraction

Many people try to make a difference between physical and mental attraction. In fact: women (while communicating they want to be valued for their mental attraction) put a lot of emphasys on their physical ability to attract men (and in the process sexually compete with other women). That can often be very confusing. The important part is in “attraction”, regardless where it comes from. Attraction is the bridgehead – for sex, for communication, actually for the entire relationship. Attraction is what started it between the two (or three of four) of you.

Fact of the matter is that there is actual very little difference between phsyical or mental attraction and that every sexual/emotional interaction between men and women is a combination of both. Picture this: this gorgious blond suddenly walks into your life and while she’s physically everything you ever desired, she has this horrible accent and can only talk about her mother and TV-soaps. Will she still attract you once she opens her mouth? Probably not. And that is what it is all about.

What scientists will tell you (man) is that you are easily aroused and aroused by many different things, either solo or in combination. And that it happens hundreds of times a day. Scientists believe the male mind is drawn to some sort sort of sexual stimulation as often as 700 times a day. In very simple, very unscientific terms: you are pretty trigger happy bastard, to put it mildly. And we started this chapter with telling you that you’re probably aroused more times through reading Life Magazine or looking at the billboards or watching a movie.

What is important first of all is to understand that this happens and that – the two of – you might as well use it to your advantage, for starters by telling each other about it. That is you telling her. By doing so, even if at first she may feel threatened by it, you’re telling her a lot about how that happy trigger works. Information she can next use to pump up the volume, so to speak. Women are not exactly stupid and there is nothing wrong with telling them what turns you on. The idea of course is SHE turns you on. Because that is what brings things back to basics and allows you to follow what your genes are basically programmed for. This is not the same as having her belly-dance every night of course – the idea is to share and use useful information that BOTH of your can use to your mutual benefit.

Once you’ve gotten there, actually the only other thing you need to master is to ASK her, about what turns her on. Do both – tell and ask – and you’re very likely on the road to a very happy sexlife.

©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm.He the chairman for poweroticFoundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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