Tag: sex and sexuality

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1. What is BDSM?

Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) is any situation where people – of their own free will and choice – magnify the personal power elements between them and act this out for their pleasure. This may be sexual pleasure, but it does not always have to be.

2. Are there different forms of BDSM?

Yes there are many different forms of BDSM. The two main forms are these:

  • Lifestyle BDSM – This is the form where partners embed BDSM elements in their relationship in some way.
  • Kink or fetish BDSM – This is the form where people, occasionally, seek to use power elements, predominantly for their sexual pleasure, without turning it into a lifestyle.

One is not more important, or more real, than the other. The two forms are just different. Quite often people grow from “kink” to “lifestyle”

3. Is BDSM abnormal?

There are power elements in all forms of human behavior: at work, at home, in politics, in sports and in (sexual) relationships. Magnifying the power element in your relationship is not abnormal. The current opinion among professionals (laid down in various diagnostic manuals, such as the American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) is that consensual power exchange between informed and well-adjusted adults is normal and harmless (sexual) behavior.

4. What “causes” BDSM feelings?

It is not entirely clear to science, why some people are attracted to BDSM and others are not. It appears that genetic encoding may have something to do with this and it may also be that upbringing, social environment and education may have an influence. Fact of the matter is that the jury is still out on this one and that we simply do not know the answer. Based on research by for example the Kinsey Institute, Cosmopolitan, Time Magazine and several European universities and other sources it is estimated that between 15 and 30 percent of the adult Western population nurtures some form of BDSM emotions.

5. Why is there such a social stigma on BDSM?

A significant part of the general public opinion on BDSM is based on very outdated information, such the over 100 years old “Psychopatia Sexualis” (written by R. von Kraft-Ebing at the end of the 19th century) and research by S. Freud in the early 20th century. Also, xenophobia (fear of the unknown) plays an important role when it comes to the general opinion about BDSM and so does ill-informed coverage of the subject by excess-oriented media. Lack of reliable, dilligent scientific research on the subject also plays a part in this. Most research was done by therapists, seeking to promote themselves or their “therapy” rather than thoroughly researching the phenomena as such.

6. I hear people who are very dominant in real life are actually submissive in bed. Is this true?

The fairy tale about high profile politicians or managers seeking to be submissive in bed originates from prostitutes (“commercial mistresses”) trying to promote their services. Fact of the matter is that there is no proven connection between general social behavior and sexual behavior. Sexual behavior is a very individual thing, hence very different for individual people.

7. Are people with a BDSM-inclination not actually all victims of childhood trauma or abuse?

Scientific research has taught us that the number of people with a (juvenile or other) traumatic background is not greater nor smaller than it is in any other social group. One will find trauma victims in every social group. Having said that, the general level of tolerance within the “BDSM group” allows for more discussion about such subjects and the “BDSM community” is one of the very few social groups that actually and actively sets up help and support facilities for such cases. There is no reason why people with a trauma history should not enter into BDSM-activity, provided they seek professional help and – on a personal level – deal with the trauma FIRST and OUTSIDE a BDSM-situation.

8. At what age do BDSM-emotions emerge?

About 25 percent of the “BDSM population” (according to research by the POWERotics Foundation) has nurtured BDSM-like emotions from a very young age. Often, this group can remember being fascinated by power situations before the age of 12. Many others however “discover” their BDSM-preference at a much later stage, most often after dramatic events in their personal life, such as a divorce. The reason for this probably is in the fact that such events causes people to think about themselves, their personalities, preferences and needs.

9. Why are many people so secretive about their BDSM emotions?

Regardless the subject: it is not easy to have to tell the world you are “different”. This is true for everyone, who nurtures emotions, feelings or ideals that do not coinside with their social environment. People, brought up in a business-environment, will often have a hard time telling their parents and friends they would rather be a painter or an actress, for example. Gay people face a similar problem and so do democrats who came from a traditional republican nest. The phenomena is known as “coming out (of the closet)” (telling your environment you are different) and that is a difficult process that requires a lot of juggling between defending and explaining yourself to a probably unwilling audience. People with a BDSM-inclination face the same problem. Quite often this even leads to a situation where people – regretfully – are too scared to even tell their partner about their emotions.

10. If so many people nurture these feelings at young age, why is there so little information available for them?

Much – unfortunately – depends on the country you were born in. Fact is that in most countries sexual education in general leaves much to be desired. World wide research has shown that as much as 70 percent of the population picks up their sexual information “from the street” (i.e. friends, pornography, excess-oriented media, etcetera) and are not or very poorly educated by their parents or school. The current political climate – with very superficial and ill-informed opinions about sexuality – makes it hard for organisations to set up proper information programs in many countries. The other problem is that not everyone, who (temporarily) may nurture BDSM-like emotions during puberty and adolescence, eventually develops a persistent interest in BDSM, since much of this has to do with the more general sexual experimental phase, everyone goes through at young age. It is very important youngsters follow their own path, without too many outside influences. This forms a dilemma for organisations, seeking to provide information

©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm.He the chairman for the www.powerotics.com Foundation. This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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Sadorexia

In the Internet age it first of all needs a catchy name to become popular. Well it has. “Sadorexia” is the latest trend in alternative sexuality and it may be a very dangerous one.

The name comes from a combination of the words “sadomaschism” and “anorexia nervosa” (the eating disorder) and was first coined recently in Spanish Internet discussion groups. What is means is requiring your partner to either loose or gain weight excessively.

While physical fitness programmes, body alteration or modification and out of the ordinary requirements are nothing new to the kinky world, “sadorexia” may become a very dangerous trend. Possibly just as dangerous as erotic strangulation and (auto)asphynxiation. These latter two have already taken their toll over the last ten to fifteen years.

Popularity

Excess-oriented kinky trends – especially as a result of the Internet – spread like wildfire and this one doesn’t even spread within the kinky community only. Would you believe there even are pro-anorexia Internet sites and weblogs, promoting excessive loss of bodyweight.

And no, such trends are anything but new. Only a few years ago the gay-world especially was shocked by a thing called “barebacking”: deliberately taking the risk of getting infected with a sexually transmitted disease, including HIV.

With bodyweight being a trend in mainstream media in general, experts already feared it would be only an matter of time before “weight games” would make it to the bedroom. And guess what, they did. General attention usually makes the subject popular for use in other areas.

What is it?

In simple terms: sadorexia is deliberately slimming or fattening your partner – either as a form of erotic punishment or simply to suit personal preferences. And not just a few pounds, but fifty, sixty, seventy pounds or more, thus creating serious overweight or underweight.

Such schemes may very well involve things like forced feeding or deliberate starvation and excessive use of drugs, such as fat burners or steroids.

And there are numerous risks – the most obvious ones being the actual creation of a disorder or serious bodily harm. While there are currently no known reports the arrival of the first dead body is probably only a matter of time.

As with all forms of what is called “edge play” (risk aware extreme sexual behavior, much like extreme sports) the risk of course is in those, entering into it without risk-awareness and sufficient knowledge and understanding. And while the BDSM-community – in the best of its educational traditions – is already starting to set up information programmes they cannot compete or keep up with Internet trends.

©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm.He the chairman for powerotics Foundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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Men Can Have Better Sex

“Honey, it’s not a race!” That is what many women will tell their partner during – and especially AFTER – they have sex. And indeed it is not a race. Yet the question is if men can help it if they feel that sex – and especially the actual intercourse – is a physical achievement. Because if you’re a man, that is what it feels like.

And it happens for a very simple reason. Men are biologically programmed to do one thing as often and as good as they can: to fertilize as many females, as often as realistically possible. This is because that is what their genetic encoding tells them to do. It is the result of the survival of the species and this is what male mammals do. In fact, that is the prime task of any male species.

While we are not apes or rabbits, and much of this of course is socially unacceptable, that is what evolution has been grinding in for tens of thousands of years. And as much as a modern man doesn’t want to procreate non-stop, a large part of this – albeit redundant – genetic encoding is still very much there. And since it took so long to develop, expecting that the individual male will be able to erase it in one lifetime – or even in ten or twenty generations – is totally unrealistic.

Deep down inside – driven by reflexes and not by deliberate reasoning or by choice – men will only want one thing: get in and produce a powerful blast of sperm into the vagina – as far as possible and as much as possible. Again, that is their genetic duty. Their contribution to the survival of the species. For that reason the male orgasm largely feels like an explosion: pressure being built up until it nearly bursts and then he will give everything to blast it out as far as he can. His body will react just like that and will roll all his physical energy and musclepower into one tiny ball of semen and eject it, preferably with “rocket” force. (the reality requires that – although it feels very different – men actually do not exactly “shoot very far”. The best of us will manage only a few inches, but then, only half an inch is enough).

Additionally – his genetic reflexes will tell him to do all of this as quickly as possible while holding on to the female with all his strength, so the chances that the female will run and the sperm will not be used for its original design are minimal.

So, genetic encoding tells him: get it in RAPIDLY, get it in DEEP and DUMP THE PAYLOAD, no matter what the cost. The male sex hormones – driven by genetic encoding and cortex reflexes – will tell his body to do exactly that and nothing else. In that sense the human male – like any other male species – is much like a B52 bomber when it comes to sex.

The new gadget: sex for mutual fun

Evolutionary speaking, “sex for fun” is a relatively new gadget that has only been around for the last few thousand years of evolution. Ten minutes or so on the evolutionary clock. “Sex for mutual fun” – again in evolutionary terms – is something BRAND NEW, only discovered a few centuries ago. Hence – regardless how many generations have since passed – it is still something that is very much in the early adapting and learning stages.

Learning is FUN

We told you about the “female side” monkey. Here is one of its cousins: learning is a mutual thing. Men do not just have to learn about the female sexuality. BOTH still very much have to learn about the other.

In fact, learning about sex is largely a very new thing and poorly developed. Something that society in general hasn’t even fully adapted. We are still very much supposed to “know” about sex. It is not something you talk about openly and freely (just look at the constant attempts by various governments, religious fanatics and politicians to try and gag those, trying to talk about it freely, for example on the Internet). Which – for example – is why a country like the United States, when it comes to teen mothers, beats the average third world country in the negative sense of the word.

Experimenting, exploring, discovering is NOT WRONG, no matter what politicians or others may tell you. It is how we – the human race – learn. We’ve learned to identify what types of food are indeed food and which are poisonous by trial and error. Athletes learn by trying to experiment with their body and their abilities. Babies learn by feeling, trying and exploring. Sexuality is no different! And, exploring and learning is FUN. It should be. If it wasn’t we would never learn anything!

So, every time she says “Honey, it’s not a race!” you aren’t doing something wrong. Both of you are! Simply because BLAMING DOESN’T BELONG IN BED.

Communication is the lubricant and the tool that will help both of you (and we’ll come to talk about that). Through communication and exploration you’ll both find what is fun for both of you. And partners will need to teach each other.

Here is where we are touching on a specific difference between general sex and BDSM. In a BDSM context the power dynamics will be different. As a result, the submissive partner will expect the dominant to set the tone and the submissive will follow. That is usually not very helpful to the situation. BOTH partners – regardless the BDSM dynamics – will have to teach each other and dom/sub dynamics have a tendency to get in the way. Strict role behavior and the natural tendency of the submissive to try and please are likely to form a barrier, leaving one of the partners (partially) unfulfilled and blocking the road to growth. This is where a lot of uncertainties (for dominant partners) and self-blaming (for submissive partners) originates from.

The controlled rat race

So, if it is a rat race, what do you do to avoid it? You may have guessed – for starters you probably can’t avoid it. But …you can learn to control it and turn it into a well organized rat race that is fun for both.

Turning over and going to sleep

“When he’s done he turns over and falls asleep.” How often have men been confronted with that. And quite frankly, it is not only true, there is also very little he can do about it. The male orgasm is intense, physically intense; and the huge flows of adrenaline, combined with the sudden cut off of the tension and the physical release is what causes him to feel totally exhausted and he needs time to recuperate. Hence, it is NOT WRONG for a man to feel tired and sleepy immediately after an orgasm. It is what his body tells him to do.

Unfortunately, the female orgasm and the male orgasm do not develop at the same pace and as result, by the time the man is done the woman isn’t even half way done. And his fatigue – which to her seems to be lack of interest – is her biggest disappointment. As a result, what both of you need to learn is to get your timing right. Which is why introductory play – or foreplay – is so important. Maybe not to him, but most certainly to her.

Unfortunately, during sex the erected penis literally is a loaded barrel, ready to explode any time and the longer it is kept erected, the more likely the orgasm is to come instantly (quite often almost immediately upon penetrating the vagina). And not all men are capable to maintain an erection for a very long time.

A frequently asked question: why is it that nature hasn’t taken care of “in sync” orgasms for the male and female? The answer again is in genetics and evolution. If you are a woman, you may want to brace yourself for what is coming.

From the point of reproduction there is no need for a female orgasm. She doesn’t need one – at least not as an incentive. She is the passive half of the reproduction process and will be fertilized, orgasm or no orgasm. The man, however, is to be lured into wanting to deposit his seed – hence it should be fun, hence an incentive, hence the orgasm.

That is also why the female orgasm is different from the male. The male orgasm is largely a physical driven one (although fantasy does play an increasing role in the male orgasm) – the female is a mentally (fantasy and emotions/feeling) driven one. For women the concept of sex for fun is much older – simply because the only function of the female orgasm is FUN (in the sense that there is no biogenetical reason for it). So, as far as sex for fun is concerned, the men are several hundreds (maybe thousands) of years behind. They are – sad but very true – evolutionary speaking – still seed-machines. Very efficient machines, but …still.

That is not entirely true of course. Men too have discovered the sex for fun concept and quite a long time ago. Unfortunately, there are frequent conflicts between what his genetic duties tell his body to do and what his mind wants to do.

So what to do? Well, actually it isn’t that difficult. As opposed to widespread urban legends: MEN DO HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO HAVE MULTIPLE ORGASMS. Just not in the same way as their female partners. In other words, it isn’t a constant flow (the female “waves of orgasms”). Instead, he needs a bit of time in between before he can charge himself up again. And a simple way to do that is to make sure you eat a bit in between, preferably sugar or chocolate or a banana – anything that will give a quick energy boost. So – have an orgasm, grab a bite to eat (nothing can be more romantic), maybe have a glass of sweet wine and get ready for the next part of the session.

“Honey, was it good for you too?”

On to the the next monkey. Let’s face it, your genes don’t care if it was good for her or not. Your genes just tell you to dump the load, whether she likes that or not. The problem again is that what your genes tell you to do is not exactly socially acceptable and very likely not even what you want either. But then, genes don’t care about social conventions or other motives. They just care about reproduction.

Fact of the matter is that both the male and the female orgasm are VERY SELFISH EXPERIENCES. The orgasm is something for YOU, not for your partner. Neither can “share” the individual orgasm with the other, nor does anyone want to. At best – if you’re lucky – you can orgasm simultaniously. But that will still be two individuals, each in their own orgasmic trance.

Hence, the idea is to control the rat race by understanding and a bit of planning. But most of all by NOT WORRYING. Sex does not have to end in an orgasm for both and most certainly not in a simultaneous orgasm. And an orgasm (and especially an ejaculation [cumming]) has long ceased to be an obligation, regardless of what your genes would like you to believe. If either of you “didn’t make it”, that’s perfectly okay. In fact, women especially will often not mind, since the orgasm itself is only partially what sex is about to them. The intimacy, the cuddling, the whatever-else-she-likes will usually be much more important. And, in a BDSM-setting the orgasm will actually be much more of a release valve and not so much the goal of the entire thing.

Four hints for successful sex

  • 1. An orgasm is not a goal, the intimacy is. No orgasm is not a disaster – in fact, the orgasm, yours or hers, is nice to have but entirely unimportant (unless you are really planning to create offspring, in which case HIS ejaculation – which is not the same as an orgasm – IS important)
  • 2. Simultaneous orgasms are PURE LUCK – if it happens it is great, but the chances are 100 to 1 that it won’t, so don’t bother.
  • 3. The trick is in planning. There are many ways to achieve an orgasm. If you bring HER to an orgasm and masturbate to have your own later, that is perfectly okay, for example. As a man having an orgasm is easy, so the emphasis should be on her – it takes her longer to get there and it takes more effort. So if it is important to you both to have an orgasm during sex, make sure she gets there first. You can either “hop on the train when she’s close to the station” or have your own orgasm later.
  • 4. Take the stress out of your lovemaking. Stress is sex and libido killer number one. Stress at work, stress at home, stress in the relationship, financial stress AND stress because you feel your sex has to accomplish something are all very negative influences. Relaxation helps. Make it fun and take your time. Have a shower or even better a bath first (the Japanese have turned bathing into an artform in itself), go romantic, go kinky, go sexy, go exciting, but DO something to take your mind off the daily stress and worries. Creative sex, with regular changes and surprises, also improves your sexlife.



©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm. He was the chairman for poweroticsFoundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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Men And Sexual Fantasy

There is no use in denying: If you are a man, you fantasize during sex. Not about the woman you are with or the situation you are in, but probably about another (imaginary or not) woman or another (the next or the ideal) situation.

No, you won’t be the first to dream about Pamela Anderson while having sex with your wife or girlfriend. Neither will you be the first to actually want entirely different things than what you are doing. And there is nothing wrong with that. Guess what, most women do exactly the same.

Then why is it that even men who are in a happy relationship will still look at the women around them? Why do you – as a man – still feel sexually attracted to other women as well?

You are a seed factory

One answer to the above questions comes from genetic factors. You are programmed to spread your seed – not only as often as you can, but also in as many women as you can. This is socially unacceptable, of course, but genes do not care about conventions. Genes care about one thing only: to mix themselves with as many other genes as possible so the species will move on and actually grow by combining strong genes with other strong genes.

Remote Innuit (Eskimo) tribes sometimes STILL will invite visitors to their villages to mate with their daughters or even wives. The idea behind this is that their communities are very small and the risk of inbreeding is high. While this may seem to be a rather animalistic approach to the problem of inbreeding, if you (or your set of genes) have no other option, that is what you will do.

The concept of men as more sexually driven than women was raised as a scientific issue by the sociobiologists, who strove to explain human behavior on the basis of genetic influences reaching far back down the evolutionary tree. As a generality, the dominant male(s) in a society will have to win the right to impregnate – and they do this by fighting, by competition, by wooing the females with displays of their strength and size. Of course, much of this behavior does exist in the animal kingdom, although it is certainly not an exclusive pattern of male behavior – many animal species mate for life, and many of those that do not will form exclusive partnerships for the breeding season. Even some of the notoriously sexy primates will form long lasting pair bonds. Back to Innuit, if there is little or no risk for inbreeding and if there is no lack of healthy, strong genes, the evolutionary need to “spread seed” reduces and the mono-amorous (one male, one female) relationship prevails, because it has a lot of other benefits as well.

Humans are not animals (anymore) in the sense that they – as a species – have developed things none of the other species of this planet have: brainpower, for example, and the ability to read and write. Thus, our society is much more complex than any other society on the planet and it is based on conventions (rules, regulation and legislation) and not on reflex behavior and instincts. But that doesn’t mean our prime-instincts have all gone.

It takes evolution thousands and thousands of years to adapt any species to the situation it is in (in that sense evolutionary development is usually way behind the actual situation!). As a result, while every species adapts (or mutates, if you like), “old stuff” is not thrown away very quickly. Apparently, that is especially true for the reproduction process.

As opposed to the vast majority of other species humans do not have a specific “mating season”. In biological terms: there is always a large quantity of fertile females available every day (as opposed to, for example, all females are fertile in the month of May only). So the human male is biologically programmed and designed to be ready for mating every day, all day. And that – albeit redundant – ability is still there, including the “need”. Again, genes do not care about conventions.

Your sexual behavior is a choice

At the same time humans feel that it is almost an insult to our human condition to be seduced by arguments that sexual behavior is governed by our genes. We are, after all, supposedly the most evolved species on the planet. How distasteful, then, that our genes might be responsible for our behavior. Do we not have the ability to overcome our genetic inheritance and behave in a human way?

The answer is that we have the choice of doing so, but that we may sometimes be driven in a way that comes from deep within our genetic programming that we cannot fully see. Studies show that gay men, once out of the closet and freed from the social or emotional restrictions of society or their female partners, will seek out sex, enjoy it, and basically have as much of it as they can, even though the cost is an emotional one – emptiness, guilt maybe, lack of intimacy, and so on. And since they are free from the social (and economical) risk of making their partner pregnant and reproduce, a strong other impulse (responsibility for potential offspring) is also gone.

Through another angle, it rapidly becomes apparant that our sexual “behavior” is largely the result of conventions that have little or nothing to do with our sexual needs or even our personality. The concept of a “family” (one man, one woman for life) historically speaking is a relatively new concept. Before that, the concept of “communities” ruled (and in many tribes still does) for thousands of years. The village, the tribe, the group was what was originally – and for a long time – important. That entity collectively took of care of tasks such as raising kids, caring for the elderly, education, hunting for and collecting food and even sexual needs and (sexual) education (some tribes and cultures still will).

The “family” as we know it is largely an invention of those, wanting to control society. Religions and governments mainly. With the need for improved administration the need of a structured society came about. Identity (and something to proove it) became important, so things like birth-certificates were invented, which eventually formed the basis for other things, such as marriage certificates, drivers lincenses and tax forms.

With that – unfortunately through a complex and widespread system of false arguments – the concept of the everlasting one man / one woman family was introduced. Suddenly it became a “sin” to mate with more than one woman. Sex before marriage became a “sin”. Why? Because religion or the governmenet (usually one and the same) needed the administrative entity called “the family” and since everyone knows sex is a huge (if not the main) incentive to get things done, sex was suddenly presented as a reward for good behavior (marry first and THEN have sex – you have fulfilled your administrative obligation, now you can have the sex you want). Simultaniously, of course, a system of social and other penalties was introduced.

And one of the things men still struggle with is the fact that since men were at the top of both governments and religions the system was invented, men are much more likely to abide by it – since it was a male invention.

You are a powerful copy machine

If it is social conditioning, how do we explain the fact that some aspects of male behavior happen so often? That, for example, men will have sex with anyone when they’re drunk? Or, as women might have it, that men can’t be trusted? That they care more about beauty than brains? That they will abandon their wives of twenty years when success strikes in middle-age and then set up with some much younger bimbo? Does it mean that women are attracted by power and success – evidence of dominance, perhaps, in our material society? Does it mean that the more attractive women have a sexual advantage because they will attract the stronger, richer, more powerful males – who can, of course, afford to buy their company?

One answer, according to the sociobiologists, lies in the fact than men can have many more offspring than women – they can plough the furrow and spread the seed, with little care for what happens afterwards. Thus the men who were sexually promiscuous way back in our evolutionary history would be the ones who were evolutionarily successful – in other words, they would have more children and the behavior would spread.

But of course females might want the opposite – faithfulness, and evidence of commitment to child-rearing: thus they would tend to test the patience of males who offered themselves as potential mates, to see how prepared they were to stick around.

Another answer lies in the fact that somewhere along the line we became two-legged. Humans are one of the few species that have sex “from the wrong end”. That is the result of the fact that we are upright and on two legs, instead of on all fours (which technically makes mating a lot easier). Our sex organs, however, (male as well as female) are still very much positioned for the four-legged position. The result – many scientists believe – is that “sex” for humans became something that requires “bargaining” (communication). In fact, one of the few species that has a somewhat similar “problem” are sharks. They too need to mate belly-to-belly.

This belly-to-belly position presents the male with a whole new set of problems to overcome. The four-legged mating position (doggy style, if you like) leaves the female in a position where she cannot defend herself against an invader (her legs and claws cannot protect her and her teeth are useless as well), while the male has all advantages and quite literally all his weapons (teeth, claws, legs and body weight) in an ideal position. Additionally, his penis is in the ideal position so he doesn’t need to guide it, rather, he can just plunge it in. The human male thus has an evolutionary “disadvantage” (the female can suddenly defend herself against invasion and is largely, as any martial art expert will tell you, in the advantage since she’s on her back and in the ideal defense position with all her weapons ready at hand). Sharks deal with this problem by forming male partnerships and simply raping the female (two males will hold her down while number three invades her). Humans (having the advantage of brainpower and communication) have developed the bargaining technique to deal with the “problem”.

And, in fact, there is evidence to support some of these ideas. For example, there are now, and have always been, many polygamous human societies – those where the dominant males especially have been allowed to have several wives. This fulfills exactly some presumed biologic pattern, but the dominant male has to be able to keep his power and provide for the children. Similarly, psychologists report that men fret about their wives having sex with other men (you know, the scenario where a man ends up looking after some other man’s child – a sneaky fucker’s child, to use a graphic term from the field of sociobiology, while he supports his wife in the belief that it’s his child; great from a human point of view, but very, very bad from the point of view of the man’s genetic investment in the next generation), while women, so we are told, fret about their men being emotionally attached to someone else.

Even more bizzarre, it has been proposed that the classic male double standard – bed a whore and marry a virgin – is underpinned by this biological urge to ensure that as a man, one brings up one’s own genetic offspring while bedding a sexual woman is a way of spreading the seed that will not result in long term commitments. (Of course, with contraception it probably won’t result in offspring either, but that isn’t the point: it is the imperative behind the behavior that is either genetically determined or not).

There are scientific studies that bear this out. David Buss, a psychologist and author of the “Evolution of Desire” has surveyed many people in over 30 countries. He found that men wanted sex and women wanted success. Another great source for this is “The Anatomy of Sex and Power” by Michael Hutchison, a scientific study that leads to controversial yet interesting conclusions, based on many sources from many scientific fields.

Bargaining, negotiation, communication and fantasies

Picture the evolutionary clock again. Recent human history (recent as in the last few thousand years) is only five minutes or less on a scale of 24 hours. In other words, in an evolutionary sense we are still very much developing and learning “new” concepts. That is why the “bargaining” (communication) system between the human male and female is (yet) far from perfect.

The human need for conventions has largely interfered with the negotiation concept. For a long list of reasons, the concept of free thinking has (and very much still is) hindered by a wide variety of labels and conventions, that – quite frankly – obstruct the concept of learning though free communication and free association (both are two basic human learning concepts). Simply because, when it comes to sexuality, a lot of ideas and fantasies have quickly been labeled “wrong”, “dirty” or “perverse” (anything from gay sex, to polygamous situations to non-mainstream or kinky sex has – at some point – been given a negative label, most of which are still very much in place). Again probably as a result of evolution, men are not very good at this sexual bargaining process. Scientists tend to believe that the reason for this is because they never had to bargain. Males fight off other males to gain access to females – they do not bargain with females. Females, on the other hand – the biological “prey” of the strong, dominant males – have learned to bargain from day one.

So here you are: still not very well equipped when it comes to communication and forced to try and overcome lots of labels, guilt feelings, your overly developed sense of responsibility and deal with conventions. That conflict with your genetic programming. Now what?

Men are not good at talking about emotions and feelings

Actually: YOU ARE DAMNED GOOD WHEN IT COMES TO COMMUNICATING ABOUT FEELINGS! You can show your buddies what you feel, right? You don’t need to tell them. You can be enthusiastic, you can be a buddy, a partner, a colleague, a teamplayer. Oh yes – the human male is very, very good at communicating feelings. Fact of the matter is that men and women communicate in different ways!

When it comes to feelings, men (as opposed to women) do not talk and aren’t subtle. They largely communicate through body language and power signals. They hug, they bang shoulders, they have handshakes, they dress, walk and move in specific ways, they look at each other and when it comes to sex they have a very powerful chemical weapon: pheromones! The sex-smell that attracts females and pushes away other males (and makes it obvious to other males what you want). Women have pheromones too, but due to the use of perfumes as well as “social weapons”, such as make up and hairdo they have very little impact and in fact women largely use the end-products of the cosmetic industry for their non-verbal communication (including their competition with other women). In other words, men largely communicate physically and in many ways their non-verbal communication is theirs and doesn’t come out of a bottle (as it frequently and literally does for women). Besides, they expect to be understood (which is true, but only by other males).

You don’t bring me flowers anymore

When it comes to men/women sexual communication it is first of all important to understand that both sexes are on different levels. A woman (generally speaking) emphasizes shelter, comfort and intimacy and wants confirmation of that – frequently! The man, however, feels he has won his most important battle at the start of the relationship (or actually even before that): he got her and has outsmarted other males (imaginary or real) in doing so.

Plus, he has a problem: it is very likely that whenever he talks about his fantasies (other women, more women, ideal women, you name it), his partner will very likely see that as competition AND as a personal defeat! In simple terms: every time you tell her you think Pamela Anderson is beautiful she’ll think she’s too old, her breasts are too small, her hair isn’t blond or her legs aren’t long enough. While that is not what you mean, that is what she feels. Bang! Dead end! And you end up reassuring her that you still think she’s the most beautiful creature on the planet. And you do that while all you wanted was (to talk about) good sex. While she tells you that she is good enough to have your children, do your laundry and cook your dinner while you go out looking at other women.

Yes, that is a (if not THE) major problem and there simply is no “five easy steps” system to deal with that. But what does help is to be honest and open about it. Communication is a learning game: the communication process itself as well as the subjects you communicate about.

Commerce and social conventions have brought about a very crummy system of communication between the sexes: communication through gifts. If you love her, buy her flowers (or diamonds, or chocolate – depending on the commercial and your budget) is the message that commerce especially is grinding in all the time. Well, guess what, it’s nice to buy each other gifts every now and then, but it is lousy communication. Ten to one, whenever you bring a gift she’ll think you have something to hide (which is also the result of social programming). For effective sexual communication you need to do what you haven’t been taught: talk!

Are there easy tools? The answer is: unless we want to make the same mistake others did and come up with Venus and Mars theories, no there are not. But what we can do is give you hints. Such as:

  • 1. Start to communicate about your fantasies early – in the early stages of the relationship. If you’re into leather: tell her (it’ll come up sooner or later anyway and it may cause bigger problems if you bring it later).
  • 2. Don’t be afraid of your fantasies. Yes, they may bring up difficulties, such as the one sketched above, but trying to dodge these by not talking about them isn’t going to help.
  • 3. Don’t be guided by social stygma, conventions and fears. You do not have to do everything you think about (apart from the fact that fantasies are often impossible to bring to life, Pamela Anderson can only handle so much men) but it is important to bring them up, out in the open.
  • 4. Ask about HER fantasies (many women will tell you they do not fantasize, that’s usually not true, the difference, however, is in the fact that female fantasies are usually less specific and more about “situations” and “emotions”, in other words more abstract)
  • 5. Don’t think your fantasies will chase her away. Sexuality to many women may sometimes be less important than it is to you – in any case other aspects of the relationship to her may be just as important as sex. Besides, women are open to a lot more than you might think and quite often you’ll find that her fantasies are actually a lot rougher and tougher than yours.
  • 6. And there is another thing – while you (man) are probably uncertain about some fantasies, have seconds thoughts about it and want things like “carefully trying them out”, women are a lot more direct when it comes to accepting what they are and want and they are a LOT quicker in accepting that.
  • 7. Educate yourself about your sexuality, her sexuality and about any fantasies, ideas or non-mainstream feelings and fantasies you have. Come prepared! (that is what she does – women tend to inform themselves through reading and research).
  • 8. Probably your biggest and most important source for information is: YOUR PARTNER (i.e. not your friends and buddies, not Playboy, not porn-magazines – although there is nothing wrong with some fun and exitement).



©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm. He was the chairman for thepowerotics Foundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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Male sexuality: Feeling Trapped

Feeling trapped

It is not uncommon for men to feel trapped in their own life, especially not when it comes to either identifying or discovering new aspects in their sexuality. And getting out of the trap may not always be easy, especially not if your spouse is not open to this. Simply because getting out of the trap – which is not (although frequently identified as) the same as a mid-life crisis – may bring about some drastic shifts in your life. For both of you, actually.

The most blatant example is the situation where a married men “suddenly” discovers he is either gay or bisxual. This is neither sudden, nor a discovery, but in fact the men in question making room in his head for other, new ideas that he may have suppressed (consciously or not) for a long time. And this does not exactly happen in the area of sexual inclination – but also in other sexually related areas, such as discovering or identifying BDSM-emotions, crossdressing or simply discovering that there are other women as well and that there may be room in your life (and heart) for more than one.

This “life trap” – which is a very typical MALE thing – is something that has not attracted a lot of attention yet. However, it is fair to say that it can be compared to the situationof the woman who, after having raised children, wants to return to an active economic or social life and finds she’s way behind in many developments and may not be able to do what she actually wants as a result of previous choices in life (this has as little to do with the meno-pause as the male trap has to do with mid-life crisis, even though all these events may happen more or less in the same period in your life). Both men and women will not be able to escape the trap without dramatic choices in their lives.

It doesn’t always have to be dramatic – largely depending on your personal situation. Quite a few people “escape” the trap as a result of other changes in their lives, such as finding a new role and destiny in life though being grandparents, or picking up the study you always wanted to do, or career changes, which – especially for men – are likely to happen between 40 and 50. If you are eligeable for a top-management or board position, it will be around that age. To others however it will be a problem, especially if the trap either is directly related to your sexuality or has a large impact on it.

The strong defense wall

From the male point of view – which is what we are talking about here – the first thing you are likely to run into, is the HUGE defense wall your partner will build up, especially when the “trap” has sexual implecations. Most men, even trying to discuss such subjects, at some point, will have heard the “I am not good enough” argument at some point – and frequently more than once. In lots of cases that and the sound of a slamming front door will also be the last thing they hear, because that is where the relationship ends.

While the men feels he’s (trying to be) honest about himself, his partner will feel betrayed and frequently “dumped” and communication is difficult if not entirely impossibe – for a long while and possibly forever. And since the “trap” is not something that has so far been identified very well, finding help or solutions is next to impossible. The two of you will have to sort it out by yourself, one way or another.

This is the time when “affairs” start to happen or when “the internet” comes in – secret virtual meetings in chat rooms, in Internet clubs and many other fora. No, we emphasize it again, THIS IS NOT MID-LIFE CRISIS! It is feeling trapped in your own choices that may not always have been your own and it has nothing to do with hormonal changes or the fact that you are losing hair or virility – even though all that may happen at the same time. The life of most men simply is a long chain of compromizes and choices hat were right at the time but that may turn against him later. Carreer choices, partner choices, financial choices and many others. His prime – self-imposed as a result of social programming – responsibility has always been making money, building and – even more importantly – supporting his family and now that he has done all that he feels he has lost old friends and missed opportunities and discovers that there is more to life than a carreer, financial security and a family to support. His first girlfriend starts to haunt his dreams again, together with old ideas, fishing or hiking trips, the good old sports days and frequently (if he has such a background) the “happy days with his buddies in the army”). All of that of course in a happy and rosy-red perspective.

Looking for footholds

What he is doing is looking for footholds. A combination of three – very important – things:

1. (re)assurance of his choices

2. openings for new possibilities

3. (re)inventing himself

And while he feels alone (since probably no-one will (re)assure him when it comes to his life choices), he feels trapped by the situation he is in – unable to leave his relationship (because he BOTH cannot without severe consequences and probably does not want to), unable to leave his carreer (again because of servere personal and economic consequences and probably not just for himself), physically unable to pick things he used to do (because he’s out of condition) and unable to make room for himself (because of the many social, economical and family obligations AND the defense wall).

So, what to do? He’ll look for footholds. He eventually probably WILL make room for himself and to him that neither feels like betrayal nor as weakness. In fact, it is very likely he will feel this as an important achievement (in other words the “room” may be cheating on his wife, but it doesn’t feel like cheating, it feels like well-deserved personal space).

It doesn’t make any sense – if the “trap” is sexually related, regardless in what way – to come up with solutions like: take up a hobby, find an education or go have a beer with your friends. And he isn’t exactly Al Bundy either. He feels trapped and wants himself and the trap(s) to be taken seriously, quite often regardless the consequences (in other words: divorce).

The long and painful road

But it gets worse. The trap will become a trap by itself. Hardly any man WANTS a divorce, because it goes against everything he has been taught, everything that has been implanted and as a result anything he (thinks he) stands for. To the vast majority of men divorce equals (self)betrayal. So now that he identified the fact that he feels trapped and tries to find a way out or at least discuss it and find understanding, the trap in itself becomes a new, extra trap.

The only way out – except for the drastic methods, such as divorce – is through a long and painful process of communication. A process that is painful and difficult for both partners – however, also inevitable. If he feels trapped, there will be pain (either the pain of the divorce, the pain of a drastic carreer change or the pain of the communication itself). There is no way to avoid it – if the trap is there: face it!

Is there any general advice? No, not much – except maybe the assumption that the one-on-one, ever lasting, happy couple situation is probably not for everybody. In fact, modern divorce statistics show that the “happily ever after” are in fact a minority and may soon be reduced to a “happy few”. On top of that – a lot of aspects of modern society (technological changes, the economic rat race, double income families, the information-overflow and such) only come on top of that and the 1960-slogan “Stop the world, I want to get off” is probably more accurate than ever before.

At the same time: the “traditional relationship” (which in fact isn’t that “traditional” at all, but merely an invention that is only 100 years old) is rapidly replaced by a multitude of relationships: gay, lesbian, non-married couples, poly-armory, living groups, deliberate singles, you name it. Meaning that when it comes to the view of what “a relationship” should be is probably (quite rapidly) changing. Some sociologists even argue that the baby-boomers and former hippies only now start to build the type of relationships the stood for back in the 1960s and 70s. Only history will tell if they are right or wrong. Fact is that there are changes and that, if you feel trapped, you’ll probably have to do something about it.


©2007 Hans Meijer

Hans Meijer is 54, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, webmaster and filmmaker, active in the sexual and erotic information realm. He is the chairman of powerotics Foundation (now closed). This organization is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. His 5 e-book series “Shibari Fumo Ryu” about the Japanese erotic Shibari technique and art is considered groundbreaking. Reproduced with permission.

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How to… Choose and Use Condoms

Why do I need to use a condom?

Condoms are the only form of protection that can both help to stop the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as HIV and prevent pregnancy

Getting ready, choosing the right condom

A number of different types of condom are now available. What is generally called a condom is the ‘male’ condom, a sheath or covering which fits over a man’s penis, and which is closed at one end. There is also now a female condom, or vaginal sheath, which is used by a woman and which fits inside her vagina. The rest of this page is about the male condom.

What are condoms made of?

Condoms are usually made of latex or polyurethane. If possible you should use a latex condom, as they are slightly more reliable, and in most countries they are most readily available.

Latex condoms can only be used with water based lubricants, not oil based lubricants such as Vaseline or cold cream as they break down the latex. A small number of people have an allergic reaction to latex and can use polyurethane condoms instead. Polyurethane condoms are made of a type of plastic. They are thinner than latex condoms, and so they increase sensitivity and are more agreeable in feel and appearance to some users. They are more expensive than latex condoms and slightly less flexible so more lubrication may be needed. However both oil and water based lubricants can be used with them. It’s not clear whether latex or polyurethane condoms are stronger – there are studies suggesting that either is less likely to break. With both types however, the likelihood of breakages is very small if used correctly. The lubrication on condoms also varies. Some condoms are not lubricated at all, some are lubricated with a silicone substance, and some condoms have a water-based lubricant. The lubrication on condoms aims to make the condom easier to put on and more comfortable to use. It can also help prevent condom breakage.

Spermicides and Nonoxynol 9

Condoms and lubricants sometimes contain a spermicide called Nonoxynol 9. Adding Nonoxynol 9 to condoms was thought in the past to help to prevent pregnancy and the transmission of HIV and other STDs, but it is now known to be ineffective. Some people have an allergic reaction to Nonoxynol 9 that can result in little sores, which can actually make the transmission of HIV more likely. Because of this, you should only use condoms and lubricants containing Nonoxynol 9 if you are HIV negative and know that your partner is too. However, using a condom (even if it contains Nonoxynol 9) is much safer than having unprotected sex.

What shapes are there and which should I choose? What about flavored condoms?

Condoms come in a variety of shapes. Most have a reservoir tip although some do have a plain tip. Condoms may be regular shaped (with straight sides), form fit (indented below the head of the penis), or they may be flared (wider over the head of the penis). Ribbed condoms are textured with ribs or bumps, which can increase sensation for both partners. Condoms also come in a variety of colours. It’s up to you which shape you choose. All of the differences in shape are designed to suit different personal preferences and enhance pleasure. It is important to communicate with your partner to be sure that you are using condoms that satisfy both of you. Some condoms are flavoured to make oral sex more enjoyable. They are also safe to use for penetrative sex as long as they have been tested and approved.

What about the condom size?

Condoms are made in different lengths and widths, and different manufacturers produce varying sizes. There is no standard length for condoms, though those made from natural rubber will in addition always stretch if necessary to fit the length of the man’s erect penis. The width of a condom can also vary. Some condoms have a slightly smaller width to give a “closer” fit, whereas others will be slightly larger. Condom makers have realised that different lengths and widths are needed and are increasingly broadening their range of sizes. The brand names will be different in each country, so you will need to do your own investigation of different names. There is no particular best brand of condom.

So when do you use a condom?

You need to use a new condom every time you have sexual intercourse. Never use the same condom twice. Put the condom on after the penis is erect and before any contact is made between the penis and any part of the partner’s body. If you go from anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse, you should consider changing the condom.

Where can I get condoms?

There are no age limitations on buying condoms. Buying a condom no matter how old you are shows that you are taking responsibility for your actions. Family planning and sexual health clinics provide condoms free of charge. Condoms are available to buy from supermarkets, convenience stores and petrol/gas stations. Vending machines selling condoms are found in toilets at many locations. You can also order then online from different manufacturers and distributors.

How can I check a condom is safe to use?

Condoms that have been properly tested and approved carry the British Standard Kite Mark or the EEC Standard Mark (CE). In the USA, condoms should be FDA approved, and elsewhere in the world, they should be ISO approved. To find out more about condom testing see Condoms history, effectiveness and testing page on the http://www.avert.org/site. Condoms have an expiration (Exp) or manufacture (MFG) date on the box or individual package that tells you when it is safe to use the condom until. It’s important to check this when you use a condom. You should also make sure the package and the condom appear to be in good condition. Condoms can deteriorate if not stored properly as they are affected by both heat and light. So it’s best not to use a condom that has been stored in your back pocket, your wallet, or the glove compartment of your car. If a condom feels sticky or very dry you shouldn’t use it as the packaging has probably been damaged.

How do you use a condom?

Open the condom package at one corner being careful not to tear the condom with your fingernails, your teeth, or through being too rough. Make sure the package and condom appear to be in good condition, and check that if there is an expiry date that the date has not passed. Place the rolled condom over the tip of the hard penis, and if the condom does not have a reservoir top, pinch the tip of the condom enough to leave a half inch space for semen to collect. If the man is not circumcised, then pull back the foreskin before rolling on the condom. Pinch the air out of the condom tip with one hand and unroll the condom over the penis with the other hand. Roll the condom all the way down to the base of the penis, and smooth out any air bubbles. (Air bubbles can cause a condom to break.) If you want to use some extra lubrication, put it on the outside of the condom. But always use a water-based lubricant (such as KY Jelly or Liquid Silk) with latex condoms, as an oil-based lubricant will cause the latex to break. Click here to see picture of lubricants. The man wearing the condom doesn’t always have to be the one putting it on – it can be quite a nice thing for his partner to do.

What do you do if the condom won’t unroll?

The condom should unroll smoothly and easily from the rim on the outside. If you have to struggle or if it takes more than a few seconds, it probably means that you are trying to put the condom on upside down. To take off the condom, don’t try to roll it back up. Hold it near the rim and slide it off. Then start again with a new condom.

When do you take off the condom?

Pull out before the penis softens, and hold the condom against the base of the penis while you pull out, so that the semen doesn’t spill. Condom should be disposed properly for example wrapping it in a tissue and throwing it away. It’s not good to flush condoms down the toilet – they’re bad for the environment.

What do you do if a condom breaks?

If a condom breaks during sexual intercourse, then pull out quickly and replace the condom. Whilst you are having sex, check the condom from time to time, to make sure it hasn’t split or slipped off. If the condom has broken and you feel that semen has come out of the condom during sex, you should consider getting emergency contraception such as the morning after pill.

What condoms should you use for anal intercourse?

With anal intercourse more strain is placed on the condom. You can use stronger condoms (which are thicker) but standard condoms are just as effective as long as they are used correctly with plenty of lubricant. Condoms with a lubricant containing Nonoxynol 9 should NOT be used for anal sex as Nonoxynol 9 damages the lining of the rectum increasing the risk of HIV and other STD transmission.

Is using a condom effective?

If used properly, a condom is very effective at reducing the risk of being infected with HIV during sexual intercourse. Using a condom also provides protection against other sexually transmitted diseases, and protection against pregnancy. In the laboratory, latex condoms are very effective at blocking transmission of HIV because the pores in latex condoms are too small to allow the virus to pass through. However, outside of the laboratory condoms are less effective because people do not always use condoms properly. To find out more about the effectiveness of condoms, go to our Condom history, effectiveness and testing page.

How do you dispose of a used condom?

All condoms should be disposed of by wrapping in tissue or toilet paper and throwing them in the bin. Condoms should not be flushed down the toilet as they may cause blockages in the sewage system and pollution. Latex condoms are made mainly from latex with added stabilizers, preservatives and vulcanizing (hardening) agents. Latex is a natural substance made form rubber trees, but because of the added ingredients most latex condoms are not biodegradable. Polyurethane condoms are made from plastic and are not biodegradable. Biodegradable latex condoms are available from some manufacturers.

How can I persuade my partner that we should use a condom?

It can be difficult to talk about using condoms. But you shouldn’t let embarrassment become a health risk. The person you are thinking about having sex with may not agree at first when you say that you want to use a condom when you have sex. These are some comments that might be made and some answers that you could try…

Reasons to use condoms

There are many reasons to use condoms when having sex. You could go through these reasons with your partner and see what she/he thinks.

Condoms are the only contraceptive that help prevent both pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (including HIV) when used properly and consistently. Condoms are one of the most reliable methods of birth control when use properly and consistently. Condoms have none of the medical side-effects of some other birth control methods may have. Condoms are available in various shapes, colours, flavours, textures and sizes – to increase the fun of making love with condoms. Condoms are widely available in pharmacies, supermarkets and convenience stores. You don’t need a prescription or have to visit a doctor. Condoms make sex less messy. Condoms are user friendly. With a little practice, they can also add confidence to the enjoyment of sex. Condoms are only needed when you are having sex unlike some other contraceptives which require you to take or have them all of the time. Here are also some tips that can help you to feel more confident and relaxed about using condoms.

Confidence tips

Keep condoms handy at all times. If things start getting steamy – you’ll be ready. It’s not a good idea to find yourself having to rush out at the crucial moment to buy condoms – at the height of the passion you may not want to. When you buy condoms, don’t get embarrassed. If anything, be proud. It shows that you are responsible and confident and when the time comes it will all be worthwhile. It can be more fun to go shopping for condoms with your partner or friend. Nowadays, it is also easy to buy condoms discreetly on the internet. Talk with your partner about using a condom before having sex. It removes anxiety and embarrassment. Knowing where you both stand before the passion stands will make you lot more confident that you both agree and are happy about using a condom. If you are new to condoms, the best way to learn how to use them is to practice putting them on by yourself or your partner. It does not take long to become a master. If you feel that condoms interrupt you passion then try introducing condoms into your lovemaking. It can be really sexy if your partner helps you put it on or you do it together.

contributed by AVERT a non-profit organization dedicated to the prevention of AIDS/HIV.

Condom Slogans

Don’t Be A Fool, Rubberize Your Tool.
The Right Selection Will Protect Your Erection.
She Won’t Get Sick If You Wrap Your Dick.
No Glove, No Love!
Wrap It In Foil Before Checking Her Oil.
Never, Never Deck Her With An Unwrapped Pecker.
When Your Undressing Venus, Dress Up Your Penis.
If You Go Into Heat, Package Your Meat.
If You Think She’s Spunky Cover Your Monkey.
Cover Your Stump Before You Hump.
Don’t Be Silly, Protect Your Willy.
When In Doubt, Shroud Your Spout.
It Will Be Sweeter If You Wrap Your Peter.
You Can’t Go Wrong If You Shield Your Dong.
If You Slip Between Her Thighs, Be Sure To Condomize.
Don’t Be A Fool Cover Your Tool

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