On our studyBDSM training entertainment program “A taste of Cyber” it’s surprising the amount of subbies who have no idea I they could use a vibrator on themselves for play. They either thought vibrators only worked on women, or they weren’t for “guys like them.” Once most of these men gave vibrators a chance, they quickly became converts. Vibrators aren’t made for a certain kind of person, vibes are for anyone interested in discovering new ways to feel sexual pleasure.
Men in particular are offered a narrow set of sexual options, and vibrators can help expand those options and discover pleasure and orgasms you didn’t even know were in you. If you’re curious, here are some tips for men on how to use a vibrator
Time Required:
For Your First Time, a Half Hour or More of alone quiet time in a warm room.
Here’s How: Explode the myth.
Most male submissives think vibrators are sex toys for women, or Dominants only. Since you may have never thought vibrators could be for you, you may need to give yourself some time to get comfortable with the idea of trying a vibrator. The good news is that once you do, you’ll be greatly rewarded. Remember that sex toys aren’t made for certain kinds of people, they’re made to stimulate nerve endings. you have those Anyone and everyone could be the “kind of person” who uses vibrators, and using one doesn’t say anything about you other than the fact that you like yourself enough to want to feel good.
Get to know your vibrator. Take your vibrator out of the package and get to know how it works and what kind of batteries it takes. Play with the buttons and switches and find out how many speeds and settings it has. Wash your vibrator well before using it. If it isn’t waterproof be careful not to get any water near the battery case.
Check for sharp edges or seams (these can be easily filed down and made safe). Make sure the body of the vibrator isn’t coming apart from the battery pack and that all wires are solid and secure. If there are any flaws return your vibrator before you use it.
Start on your own.
Even if you’re planning on using your vibrator with a partner, it’s a good idea to check it our by yourself first. If you are owned make sure you request permission first, the last thing we want is you in trouble with your Domme. Are you alone? You’ll feel less self-conscious and/or you can really concentrate on how it feels for you without being distracted (for better or worse) by a partner. Make sure you have a little time and enough privacy. If you’ve got roommates, children, thin walls, or nosy neighbors, you can always turn on some music and make use of blankets and comforters to mute the sound (you may also want to think about getting a quieter vibrator).
Dull a loud BUZZZZZZ : Some battery-powered vibrators come with a foam, rubber, or cardboard insert that fits in the battery compartment to keep the batteries in place and prevent them from rattling. If the insert was cardboard, you may have accidentally discarded it while unpacking the vibrator or changing the batteries. If necessary, you may be able to improvise a new one by cutting a piece of thin scrap cardboard to fit inside the compartment..
Play with the lights on.
Not everyone will be comfortable with this one, and vision may not be a sense you rely on, but playing with a vibrator with the lights on can be very educational and useful. You can discover specific places on your body that are rich with nerve endings and ripe for stimulation. This is the kind of information you can use on yourself in the future and share with a lover or your Dominant partner. You can achieve the same effect with touch, knowing exactly where the vibrator is, but seeing what’s going on can be a benefit for some.
Getting hot to trot.
It’s a generalization, but we are going to say it any way, men probably don’t touch all parts of their body as often as women do. You may be 100% familiar with your genitals, but how well do you know your calves or thighs? When was the last time you noticed how it feels to be touched behind your knees? Before you turn the vibrator on, get used to how it feels on your body. Press it firmly against your skin and massage your muscles with it. How does it feel to use a different amount of pressure on your nipples. This isn’t meant to give you an orgasm, but it’s a slow way of introducing your body to the vibrator. Vibes are for more than just genitals, the whole body can benefit.
Turn on and tuning in.
Once you turn it on, start by touching the vibrator to your feet and your hands. Run it up and down your arms and legs, across your belly, your shoulders and neck, your scalp and face. Even though vibrators are used mostly around the penis, scrotum, ass and nipples, don’t just jump to the main even. What’s your hurry! take your time, the more time spend building to orgasm the bigger the ‘O’ . Get a feel for the vibration all over your body and then slowly move to the more sensitive parts. You can slowly move the vibrator up your inner thigh, gently run it over the perineum, or in circles around your nipples. Imagine its your lover of your dreams, where would she use it? where would you like to be touched?
Don’t rush: Explore every inch.
The great thing about vibrators is that they never get tired, and they let you explore every inch of your body for sexual pleasure. You men are so penis-focused that it’s no wonder most men think that their penis is not only the best sexual part of their body, but the only area capable of giving you an orgasm.
In fact there are many parts of a man’s body that are capable of experiencing intense sexual pleasure. :MissBitch.
Using a vibrator is a great way to find them. Think of yourself as an explorer, and the vibrator is both your compass and your flashlight. Play with the speed of the vibrator. Because men tend to use a lot of friction when they masturbate, stronger vibrators are often needed, particular around the genitals. But when exploring other parts of your body, always start on a low setting and work your way up. Particularly with anal vibrators, even a slight change in the speed of the vibrator can be felt, and playing with the speed settings can be highly pleasurable.
Play with pressure.
Experiment with applying different pressure with the vibrator. It might not feel good to press very hard around the scrotum, but if you put your vibrator on the perineum and apply deep pressure you are stimulating the prostate externally. Some men find that with a strong enough vibrator and enough pressure, using a vibrator on the head of the penis will give them an orgasm without ever moving the vibrator. Experiment with everything from a feather light touch to a self-love smack down – find what works for you.
External vs. internal vibration.
Hard plastic and electric vibrators are the best for external stimulation as they are stronger and more comfortable to use externally. You can use these vibrators for external anal stimulation as well. If you want to explore anal penetration with a vibrator it’s recommended that you either get an anal attachment for your electric vibrator or buy a separate vibrator that is safe for anal use. You may find vibrators made of silicone or other softer materials are more comfortable for anal penetration. Always use a water based lubricant for any penetration play. Remember phthalates and are best used with a condom for personal safety.
Shame
Anal play is nothing to be ashamed of, although many, many people are. We started it in our earliest childhood. In fact it is generally acknowledged as the first sexually related exploration every baby does and even some fetuses do it prior to birth. Let’s face it, the odor of plain shit – but called “musk” – is used in almost every perfume and even more so in male cosmetics because it is generally known as sexually appealing. For you animal lovers out there: the scent is derived from the musk plant, not the deer. Any biologist will explain that in all mammals, the genitals and the anus were deliberately placed close together, simply because the smell of the one points the way to the other. So, if you like it, or feel attracted to it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Plus, the anus is an erogenous zone by itself, whether you like it or not. Stimulating it will cause sexual arousal Kinsey – the sexologist best know for his extensive research of the sexual behavior of both men and women – said it as follows:
“The contractions of the buttocks reflect, more than any one factor, the development of the tensions involved in erotic arousal.”: Kinsley
The buttock muscles are among the strongest in the human body and they come into play during almost any form of sexual intercourse and even masturbation – especially for women. Some women even masturbate just by contracting and relaxing muscles and these include the “back door”. In the event you thought anal sexual attraction is just for a few, Kinsey – in his extensive research – found that fifty (!) percent of both men and women had had some experience with anal stimulation or anal intercourse. More recent research in the USA shows that some ten percent of the heterosexual couples regularly have anal intercourse. The anal and vaginal region and the penis share the same nerve roots and this is the physiological explanation for the sexual attraction of the anus. And – coming back to erotic power exchange – anal play and intercourse to many has strong connotations with terms of dominance and submission.
External anal stimulation.
The anus (the part on the outside that you can see and touch) is rich with nerve endings and usually responds extremely well to vibe stimulation. As mentioned above, start slowly and work from the inside out. See what the vibrator feels like on your lower back, your back side, and your inner thighs. Move slowly and gently to the anus and start by applying just a little pressure. You can roll the edge of the vibrator around the area and experiment with pressure and speed as you go. Once they get over the newness of the feeling many submissive men find this highly pleasurable.
Anal penetration with a vibrator.
Anal play requires patience, arousal, and a lot of lubricant.
Start slow and get yourself fully aroused by using the vibrator externally first. Don’t force an anal toy inside your body. Instead, with the vibrator on, just leave the tip at the opening of the anus and let the toy slide in gently when your body is ready. Once inside you can move the vibrator around and also play with the speed of the vibrator. Tilting the vibrator toward your belly button will stimulate the prostate. You may have to add more lubricant depending on how long your play lasts.
What if I get a vibrator stuck in my anus?
People get vibrators stuck in their butts. It happens. To avoid it, never insert anything in your rear that doesn’t have a flange or wide flared base, or something at the end to keep it from going all the way up inside you.
If you do get a vibrator stuck in your rear, turn it off (if you can reach the controls). If the vibrator has an external battery pack, remove the batteries. Take deep breaths and try to relax your sphincter and abdominal muscles. Apply as much lube as possible to your rectum without pushing the vibrator further in. Bear down as you would during a bowel movement. If you can, stretch your rectum by inserting two or three fingers and spreading them. If the vibrator has wires attached from a battery or control pack, be careful when pulling on them, as they may detach. If you’re lucky, you may be able to get the tail end of the vibrator to clear your sphincter and ease it out of your rear. If this doesn’t work, don’t persist for too long, especially if you’re in pain. Swallow your pride and get yourself to an emergency room. Yes, it’s embarrassing, but it’s not the first time it’s happened, and it’s not the strangest thing anybody’s put up their butt by a long stretch. The ER doctors will probably use a speculum to dilate your butt, and then extract the vibrator manually. In extreme cases, abdominal surgery may be required.
So, we say again, only use vibrators anally if they are designed to be used anally. Please. Your neighborhood ER techs will thank you.
Using your vibrator with a partner.
You can use your vibrator with your partner in any number of ways. You can control the vibe and use it on yourself. You and your partner can use it on each other. vibe even have uses when doing cunnilingus on her. There are vibrators that fit over the penis for use during partner penetration play. You can also find a vibrator that fits well between you and your partner that neither of you need to control, but can add stimulation during sex. However you want to do it, it’s a good idea for each of you to follow the above steps first, and get fully comfortable on your own before making it a threesome.
Concerns: for use with partner Some couples have concerns about adding a vibrator to their sex lives. You may be afraid she will start to like it “more than me” and she may be concerned it will be impersonal and cold. These fears are normal, but unfounded. Talk about any such worries, and keep open communication about them as you explore.
A couple may be afraid that the vibrator will become the focus of most of their sex, and mean less intercourse. In reality a vibrator often means more sex. Most women find orgasm takes a certain amount of time and energy, even when they feel sexual desire. If a woman doesn’t feel she has the time and energy necessary to have an orgasm, she may shy away from sex, or choose to have sex “just for him.” Because a vibrator can make orgasm faster and easier (but not necessarily better) a woman may choose to have sex, or to have sex for both of them, when she would have said no before having a vibrator. The vibrator can be a back up – the woman is able to have sex because she knows her husband can use the vibrator if need be. Sometimes once she gets going she has no need or interest in the vibrator – but knowing it was there made it easier for her.
If vibrators were addictive, they could not be the starting place for learning to orgasm in other ways.
Finally, some folks are afraid that the woman will become “addicted” to the vibrator, and unable to orgasm without it. Despite years of warnings about this, it has not come to pass. Some couples have used a vibrator to give the wife her first ever orgasm, and then have used what they learned from that to give her orgasms in other ways. If it were addictive, it could not be the starting place for learning to orgasm in other ways. We have talked to couples who have used a vibrator for a decade or more, and several of the woman feel they are now more orgasmic without the vibrator than before they started to use it.
Using a vibrator on her:
If you are laying side by side with her (which will be emotionally preferable for some women, at least at first) place it between her labia, over or near the clitoris, with your hand cupped over the vibrator. Start with the speed low so as not to over stimulate her. You can gradually turn the speed up as she approaches orgasm – but be aware that turning it up too fast or too high may be a problem for her. Some women will want full speed well before orgasm, others may never want more than half speed. You can push your hand, and the vibrator, slightly into her and hold, or push and release repeatedly. You can also move your hand very slightly up and down (parallel to her labia), or left and right, or in a small circle.
See what she reacts to. Be aware of her body movements, especially any thrusting or other movement of the pelvis. If she has a rhythm going, figure out how to work with it. The movements will likely intensify and speed up as she approaches orgasm, so stay very aware of her body.
You have to figure out what to do as and after she climaxes. Cut back stimulation too soon and you will rob her of the full potential of her orgasm. A small percentage of women get hypersensitive the way most men do – if she is one of these you will need to back off before or as she finishes. Back off by turning the speed down, then off, rather than breaking contact with her body. Be sure to lie still and hold her after she climaxes.
If she can have and wants multiple orgasms, you will need to learn how to make the transition from one to the next. Most likely she will want a reduction of stimulation as she finished each orgasm. If she has never had multiples, but wants to try, a vibrator is a great way to learn – let her guide you by telling you what she needs.
If she has never had multiples, but wants to try, a vibrator is a great way to learn. You can also sit or lie between her legs to pleasure her. This gives you two hands to work with, better access … and a nice view. Some lubricant is good here, either hers or from a tube. Apply the lube to her clitoris and the surrounding area. Hold the vibrator between thumb and forefinger, or with thumb and two fingers like a fat pencil, so you can use the tip on her. Your other hand can be used to better expose her vulva, or later to add some penetration. The clitoris is very sensitive, so don’t start there – start with the outer edge of the outer labia and work in slowly. Again, you want to start with a low speed and increase as she becomes more aroused.
Each woman varies – some will be able to take or will want direct stimulation of the clitoris, others will not. MissBitch
The aroused vulva is like a full motion water bed, any vibrations applied to any part will be felt through out. Experiment with her outer labia, her inner labia, and the clitoris. Try up and down strokes and circles of varying size. Try moving down with a firm stroke and up with a light stroke, then try the reverse. If she is too sensitive to take direct stimulation of the clitoris you can do this to one side. Try an upside down “U” – up one side, over the top, and down the other side – then reverse. When she is well aroused, try adding some penetration. Most women have stronger orgasms if the PC muscles have something to “grab,” and for some women the difference is significant. Start with one finger, try two or three is she seems to enjoy it. You can try thrusting, but don’t get carried away, your fingers are a lot harder, and have less give, than your penis, and you can easily leave her sore. You can also put in one or two fingers palm up (or insert palm down and then turn your hand over) so that your finger tips are on her G-spot. A “come hither” motion will then stimulate the G-spot. If you do this before she is well aroused it will just cause her to feel a need to urinate – if you get her good and aroused and then start gradually you should be able to avoid this. Some women will go wild for this, some will not even feel it, and most will get a slight boost in enjoyment and orgasm out of it. Again, watch for her rhythm and work with it. Be aware of how she responds during climax, and reduce stimulation as needed. When she is done lay beside her and hug … or make love to her.
Tips:
Prostate massagers
Some vibrators are better suited for prostate than others. Some prefer the use of massager’s for Prostrate Milking. Vibrators that aren’t too big, and have a gentle curve tend to work well. Some men like the feeling of pressure alone on the prostate and will use a vibrator but keep it turned off. Others enjoy the feeling of vibration and pressure. Remember to use MissBonnie and MissBitch’s mantra lots of lubricant and only toys that are safe for anal penetration.
Be patient.
Many men are used to sex play that involves a lot of quick rubbing and stimulation. Vibrators give you the chance to try something completely different. We talked about slowing down, there is no rush. Even if you find the vibe doesn’t drive you to the heights of orgasm immediately, give it chance. all good things take time. Find a place on your body where the vibration feels good and leave the vibrator there for a minute or two. Apply pressure and let the vibrations go deeper into your body. You may be pleasantly surprised by the results.
Take your batteries out.
A good tip is Get in the habit of taking your batteries out of the vibrator each time your finished using it. If you leave the batteries in the vibe may turn on to a very low speed (or you may leave it on low without knowing it) and this can both burn out the motor and make for some embarrassing moments.
take it from an experienced user, vibes have the annoying habit of switching one when you least expect it. MissBonnie
Also, if you leave your vibrator alone for extended periods with the batteries in, they can corrode and leak into the battery case destroying your vibrator.
Anal vibrator safety.
Don’t share sex toys unless you use a condom every time. If you’re playing with a female partner never let a sex toy that has been in the rectum go in the vagina. Always use water based lubricant when using a vibrator for anal penetration. You can put some lube on the shaft of the vibrator and with your fingers put some lube on the outside and just inside the anus. Replenish the lubricant on the vibrator throughout the sex play.
How long will the batteries last in my vibrator?
Depending on the vibrator device and what kind of batteries you’re using, you could get anywhere from 50 hours of use to just 10 hours. Smaller devices with smaller motors drain less current. Larger vibrators or ones with multiple moving parts will drain batteries more quickly. If you have a high-drain vibrator that you use frequently, it might be worthwhile to invest in some rechargeable batteries.
They don’t hold a charge as long as disposable batteries, but you also won’t have to spend five bucks every time they’re used up. MissBonnie
You can extend the life of your vibrator’s batteries by removing them from the toy when it is not in use and storing them separately.
How long can a vibrator be used before throwing it away?
A vibrator’s durability depends on its quality, type, and what it’s made of. A vibrator’s lifespan can be anywhere from a few months to several years. In general, don’t keep an inexpensive plastic or rubber vibrator for more than 3 years. More expensive electrical vibrators can be used until they quit working. If a vibrator is in good running condition and the material is durable, there’s no reason to discard it until it stops working. However, inexpensive vibrators have a limited lifespan due to the quality of the case and the components. In cheap vibrators, the wiring frays, the motors jam; in some cases the outside is actually the most durable part of the device. More than likely, your vibrator will give up the ghost before it becomes a hazard to anyone. Nevertheless, at a certain point, you may want to retire your mechanical buddy either for safety or aesthetic reasons. Inexpensive vibrators, if they last that long, should not be used for more than a few years. Longer than that, and the casing material is going to be getting gummy and worn out if it’s made of rubber, jelly, or Cyberskin. Plastic vibrators can get brittle, and, especially if they have been knocked around a bit, they’re subject to cracking.
Higher-end electrical vibrators, like the Hitachi Magic Wand, can last several years depending on how much you use them. The only reason to discard an electrical vibrator is if the motor develops problems, i.e., if it starts overheating, sounding funny, or smelling odd. If you use rubber or silicone attachments with your electrical vibrator, you may want to replace them after a few years if you use them frequently or if they show signs of age.
How should I store my vibrators?
Keep it in a secure, dry location where it will not be moved around a lot. Under the bed in a shoe box is usually a safe bet. Take the batteries out when you store it. You want to keep your toys clean and safe, so don’t just chuck your vibrator under the bed with the dust bunnies, where the dog might find it and mistake it for a chewy toy. Keep them in a closed container. A shoe box is fine. Wrap them in a clean t-shirt or pillow case. Put the box in a spot where it won’t be moved around a lot, under the bed, in a nightstand drawer or closet. It’s always a good idea to take the batteries out of your vibrator when storing it for two reasons: it prolongs the life of the batteries, and it eliminates the risk that the vibrator may get accidentally switched on.
My vibrator isn’t giving me an orgasm any more. What’s wrong?
There could be a couple of reasons for this. The vibrator or the batteries in it may be wearing out, so it is less effective. Alternately, you may be getting “desensitized” to the sensation of that particular vibrator. Some people find they need to switch to a different vibrator at a certain point. Also, other psychological or physiological factors may be affecting your sexual responsiveness.
If you’re not responding to your vibrator anymore, first make sure that the vibrator is working correctly. Are the vibrations still as strong? If not, the motor may be wearing out, or the batteries may be wearing out. Test it out with some fresh batteries and see if that doesn’t put the buzz back in it. It may be time for a replacement. If there’s nothing wrong with the vibrator, your sexual responsiveness may have changed. Some people report “vibrator burnout,” feeling like they become “immune” to their vibrators. Your body may simply become used to the sensations that your vibrator supplies, and they are no longer as stimulating, or you may just be bored with your vibrator. Try shopping for a new model, and find something that really excites you or provides a totally different form of stimulation. If you’ve been using a Hitachi Magic Wand, try getting a vibrating dildo or vice versa.
Try experimenting.
Some vibrator users also report a temporary decrease in sensitivity in their genitals after prolonged vibrator use. You may need to take a vacation from your vibrator and go back to manual stimulation for a while. After taking a break and coming back to it, your vibrator may seem fresh again.
Finally, there may be physical or psychological factors that are affecting your sexual response. Some medications, especially antidepressants, have sexual side effects that make it difficult to reach orgasm. Stress, depression, fatigue, and overworking can also make it hard to get turned on or to climax. If this is a persistent problem, talk to your doctor.
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information.
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