The art of ginger root play was written a few years ago by Master Michael aka Propane7@aol.com and appeared on many a BDSM site. Although it primarily aimed at Female submission the information transfers over to male submissives very well. I think it is worth repeating here for whose that have not seen it.
When I first wrote an article on figging some years ago, I received, not surprisingly, a heap of e-mail from lifestylers who had never heard of this. They were most appreciative to have received the information though, and many were anxious to try the technique. I thought that with a new crop (no pun intended) of Doms and subbies entering our community, I would rewrite the article. If you’re already familiar with figging, you may skip to the next informative article on the list. If figging sounds like an old Scottish sport, you’d better stick around and read on.
Figging, anal play (or torture) using ginger root, seems to be an art that is increasingly ignored. Maybe it’s because there isn’t enough information passed on about it or perhaps with the advent of fancy salves, chemicals and potions that can mimic ginger, lifestylers don’t want to take the time needed to prepare for this activity. Either reason precludes a pleasurable and memorable experience. While there is still controversy as to the origins and reasons to figging, it is fairly well agreed upon that it dates back to the Victorian era. Mentions of figging can be found in some Victorian literature. Back in those days, the Victorians were a fairly bawdy, perverted, kinky bunch behind closed doors (ya gotta love them). Caning, a very popular form of punishment, especially for the female miscreant, was elevated to an art form itself.
There is evidence that figging actually had its beginnings when ginger was used in a caning victim’s anus to prevent her from clenching her buttocks during punishment. While I’ll expand on this later, clenching one’s butt while it hosts ginger causes an intense burning sensation. Now why the Victorians didn’t want to see the victim clench her rear is beyond me. I mean, that is one of the best parts and furthermore oh, yeah, figging. Sorry about that. Somehow, the practice was picked up as a technique unto itself in the lifestyle. I have practiced figging for many years and have turned many subs onto it. While it is a fairly easy technique to master, some care is necessary and proper preparation is required.
So, let’s delve into the world of ginger (or Gilligan and Mary Ann). Ginger, in its natural state, is sold as a “hand”. For you non-gourmets, it’s called a hand because it somewhat resembles one. The protuberances from the hand are called, yes Martha, fingers. Unfortunately, many supermarkets now precut the hand into fingers and package them as a convenience. What’s the matter with them! Don’t they realize they are making it difficult for us Doms to torture our subbies butts??!! I mean really sorry again. Stay away from the precut stuff unless you’ve had enough experience to safely play with small fingers. Celeste, no wise cracks here!! Find a place that sells a hand. If the supermarket doesn’t have any, visit any oriental grocery store.Buy the largest hand you can find and scurry it home. Keep the entire hand in a cool dry place until you are ready to use it. The sooner you use it, however, the better the effect unless you age it properly which I’ll get to later. When play time rolls around, I usually like to have my sub bound, face down on the bed over a pillow. No blindfold here. I make it a point of allowing her to watch and hear me prepare the ginger. The anticipation is spectacular especially if she’s never experienced it before. The gyrations generated from the anticipation alone are well worth the experience. Now you are ready to cut a finger of ginger from the hand. Unless the fingers are very long, do not cut the finger off at the joint of the hand. Remove the finger by cutting down into the palm of the hand so that you get a long, uniform width finger. I like to use a finger no smaller than 4 inches. Longer is better. Take a paring knife or vegetable peeler and remove the brown skin. Make sure all the skin is off as well as insuring that all the bumps and knots are cut off and smoothed as well. Try not to remove too much meat underneath, as you want to retain as full a finger as possible. Take your time and don’t rush this step. As you work, rinse it under cold water periodically to help wash away pieces of skin. Ginger is fibrous and sometimes takes a little time to prepare properly.
If you’re into oriental cooking, you’ll love the delicate ginger aroma that is released as you do this step. The smell is a great stimulus for the sub as well. It heralds things to cum (yes, pun intended lol). After you have the skinned root all smooth and nice, you now have to perform the tricky bit. With the paring knife, about two-thirds of the way down the root, carefully carve a concavity around the finger. This will act as a retention device. Similar to a butt plug where the sphincter locks around the tapered portion of the plug, the concavity will do the same thing. Make the ring no more than a half inch wide. Remember; do not taper the finger all the way down to the end. You want full circumference of the finger two-thirds of the way down, a half-inch retention ring and then full circumference continuing down to the end of the finger. Do not carve out too much however, as this will weaken the finger and increase the possibility of breaking it while in the sub. You don’t need a very deep ring for retention.
After you have carefully completed this step, rinse the finger off and dip it in cold water. Make sure the tip of the finger is sufficiently rounded. You can always touch this area up with a knife or peeler. Now it’s ready to insert. Unlike your own finger, you do not use lube with a ginger finger. Lubricant acts as a sealant and prevents the ginger moisture from doing its thing. Instead, use the cold water to keep the finger wet. Slowly insert the finger into the sub’s anus. DON’T RUSH HERE. TAKE YOUR TIME. Wet ginger is slick enough to slide in with care. When the anus finally opens and accepts the ginger, slide it in up the ring and let the sub close around it. The beauty of ginger is that it takes a little while for the effect to take place. Once it begins, it builds steadily. While you are waiting for the fun to begin, go wash off your hands. You don’t want to touch your eyes or your sub’s eyes by accident with ginger on your hands. Now sit down in a comfy chair and enjoy the show. Most submissives will become rather vocal as the ginger works its magic.
Depending on the fortitude of the sub, the potency of the ginger and how much of a mindfuck you prologue with, the reactions will vary. A few subs have reported that the ginger doesn’t do any more than, let’s say, Ben Gay, however, they are far and few between. Most subs report that the effects were far greater than they imagined. Different strokes for different folks. To increase the effect, pinch your sub’s buttocks together and hold them for a minute or two. This causes a big boost in burning sensation and if done every so often, keeps your sub awake. The effects of the ginger will last approximately twenty minutes or so, after which, the effects diminish rapidly. The nice thing about ginger is no matter how intense the effect on the sub, you won’t hurt her/him and it is short-lived. Once the sensation ceases, remove the ginger and go about your other session business. Ginger also has a property that puts it far ahead of any ginger wannabe substance. The juice of the root has the ability to cause incredible horniness. I have had subs begin to sob, begging to have something inserted into their pussies and to have orgasm. The reaction is tenfold if the ginger juice comes in contact with the clit. Cut a small slice of ginger, making sure it has one flat side. Place this side directly onto the clit and hold it there. Depending on anatomy, some women will be able to retain the slice on their clit without assistance. Apply ginger to the clit while the ginger butt plug is in place and watch the fun. I have experienced some of the most stunning results with subbies using this technique. I don’t have a perfect scientific explanation as to why ginger causes such an aphrodisiac effect but suffice to say it works.
Being an equal opportunity lifestyler, I don’t want to forget the male sub and his Domme. Ginger is dynamite for CBT. Cut a julienne slice of peeled ginger. It should be approximately 1/8-1/4 inch wide by at least 1 inch long. Make sure it is smooth and that the edges are rounded. Use the paring knife “gingerly” for this task. Make sure your sub is tied down face up. Dip the ginger in water and slowly insert it into the urethra of the cock. Make sure you leave enough sticking out to be able to remove it easily. The effect of ginger in a cock is almost immediate and the sub will react quite vigorously. The burning is incredibly intense. If it become too much for your sub, remove the ginger and give him a minute’s rest. When the ginger is removed, the burning sensation drops dramatically. You can place it back down the cock to resume the fun. Eventually, the sensation will wear off but not until the sub is spent.
Now for a little technique that will “turbocharge” your ginger. Using your ginger soon after you buy it will assure potency. Storing ginger, unprotected, for long periods of time will rob it of its “zip”. However, if you have any ginger fingers left after playtime, place it in a sealed, plastic bag and place it in the veggie bin in the refrigerator. Now, like the aging of fine wine, forget about it for a while. After a few days, check the ginger. If things are going well, the inside of the bag should have moisture on it. If a little mold has formed on the ginger, it’s time for play. If not, put it back in the bin for another day or two and check it daily until mold forms. The mold is harmless and does not penetrate the tough, fibrous skin of the root. Peel and prepare the ginger as before and play as usual. But look out! The juice of the ginger has increased dramatically in potency. If you think you had a good time when the ginger was new, wait till you play now! Any unused ginger should be discarded at this point.
Two words of caution. First, if your sub is allergic to ginger (I haven’t run into one yet), don’t play with it. You can ignite an allergic skin reaction. Not good. Second, if by some chance the ginger breaks off in your sub’s butt and you can’t retrieve it, don’t bother with emergency rooms. They will only cause you a hassle. Instead, just throw your sub into the wok with some chicken and enjoy.
Ok, I have anal beads, what now, how do I use Anal beads? Anal beads are a sex toy consisting of multiple balls attached in series. Individual balls are continuously inserted through the anus into the rectum and then removed with varying speeds depending on the desired effect. The main use of anal beads are for sexual stimulation.
When it comes to buying your first anal plug, it’s important to consider the size that is right for you. The size of the plug can greatly impact your comfort and overall experience. Here are some factors to keep in mind
A strap-on harness is a versatile sex toy that allows individuals to engage in strap-on play. Whether you’re a beginner or an experienced user Here we provide some steps to help you use a strap-on harness. How to find the perfect fit for you. What materials you should consider and what system or attachment. Remember, practice makes perfect when it comes to using a strap-on harness. Take your time, explore different positions, and enjoy the experience with your partner. when you engaging in strap-on play, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about their desires, boundaries, and consent. Mutual communication and consent are essential for a pleasurable experience.
lube what lube for what occasion? there is ALWAYS time for lube!
Anal play For various reasons anal play or sex – yes, there is a difference -appeals to many people who are into the many forms of erotic power exchange, and Femdom/ BDSM. Although personal motivations may vary, the need for the submissive to actively cooperate as well as the fact that many people have a mental barrier here are the most common factors for this subject’s popularity. Anal play is certainly not without risks, so you should be very aware of what you are doing. When you understand and know how to minimize them, the risks are minimal.
P spot Milking – Locating and Milking the male P spot (includes Video
Key elements of a successful prostate massage I don’t profess to be the guru of p-spot stimulation, but I’d like to think that I’ve been pretty successful with it, so here’s what it is that I do.
Many people tend to forget the basics about fire safety when they do fireplay, probably because of the illusion of control we Doms have while we scene…I don’t know about the rest of you out there, but when I am scening, I’m so into control, that I believe nothing can go wrong, ’cause I’m godlike…and nothing is farther from the truth, unfortunately. I’ve known about at least 2 fires that started ’cause of a fireplay scene gone wrong, and about one sub who got 3rd degree burns ’cause of a dumb mistake. (and no, none of those was with me involved 🙂
So…for starters, we need to remember that we have to have the basic firefighting equipment ready…a fire extinguisher or, at the very least, a good couple of buckets of water; sand is also very good at firefighting.
We should also remember not to have any flammable objects near the area were we are playing with fire…be smart enough and don’t try to do fireplay with the subbie tied to the bed, k? Unless you want barbecued subbie, that is 🙂 Mosquito netting is also a hazard in this kind of scene…it burns fast, sticks to other objects (including skin) and it’s very hard to put out the fire on it once it’s started.
Also, make sure that if you are gonna tie your subbie down, you have a pair of surgical scissors (the kind with blunt tips but sharp as knifes) handy, to cut her loose in case you need to…subs are worth more than rope, no matter how expensive the rope is 🙂 I don’t recommend locks being mixed with fireplay, it takes a long time to get the damn things off when you are in a hurry; so, if you like bondage mixed with your fireplay, please only use ropes and keep the scissors handy!
Now, one more thing people tend to forget when doing fireplay….hair doesn’t only smell bad when it burns…it burns FAST as hell…so…be careful with the hair…pull it up and out of the way, cover it with a wet bathcap or something like that, and make sure that whatever you use to start up your fire doesn’t get too near her neck.
Another important thing some of us forget is about the kind of chemicals we use to make the fire. I found once a sub who’s skin was sensitive to something in the alcohol I normally use for fireplay, and she had an ugly rash for a week :/ So, be careful with the stuff you use for your fireplay, make sure you know what allergies your sub has before applying any chemical to her skin that has the potential of triggering an allergy.
The important part of fireplay safety is to always remember that fire IS a very dangerous foe, and if it gets out of your control, it’s better to call the fire station and have to explain what happened than dieing in a charcoal house…this is specially important in places where houses are mostly made out of wood, like in the US…houses burn down fast
Caution: May I please add that the bottom shouldn’t be wearing any body lotions either as they are somewhat flammable and/or cause the skin to get a lot hotter than other non-lotioned areas. Also,deep arch’s in the lower back, above the sacrum, pool liquids (which any other time is quite nice) but in the case of fire play could become a safety issue if allowed to become a reservoir of the liquid used to ignite regards MissBonnie.
This article is only to be used for suggestions and your own resource, use at your own risk.
Fire play is an advanced and inherently dangerous activity that should under no circumstances be attempted without significant precaution and expertise. Readers should be aware that the information provided in this guide is for educational purposes only and does not qualify as a substitute for professional training or experience. Fire play should always be conducted by individuals possessing substantial knowledge and experience to mitigate the associated risks.
Engaging in fire play carries serious safety concerns, including the potential for severe burns, accidental fires, and other injuries. Even minor negligence can result in catastrophic consequences. Therefore, it is imperative to highlight that fire play should not be attempted merely on the basis of reading guides or viewing media; practical instruction and supervision from an experienced practitioner are necessary to ensure a safer environment.
Before delving into any fire play activities, ensure that the surrounding area is safe and free from flammable materials. Always have fire extinguishing tools readily accessible, such as a fire extinguisher, fire blanket, or water source. Both participants must have a thorough understanding of fire safety protocols and a clear plan for emergency situations.
It is also essential to establish clear communication and consent protocols between all parties involved. The psychological and physical boundaries of each participant must be respected, and everyone must be comfortable with the agreed-upon activities. Continuous monitoring and the ability to immediately cease the activity upon signal are crucial components of maintaining safety during fire play.
Lastly, by choosing to engage in fire play, the reader acknowledges their full responsibility for any outcomes or incidents that may arise. Proper preparation, education, and respect for the risks involved are non-negotiable aspects of safer fire play practices. Engage with utmost care and responsibility.
What is Fire Play?
Fire play is a form of sensation play widely practiced within the BDSM community, where controlled fire is used to produce a range of tactile experiences. Essentially, it entails briefly igniting the skin with a carefully managed flame, creating a momentary rush and a captivating sting. This activity can evoke a variety of emotions, from an exhilarating thrill to a soothing warmth, thrilling both novices and experienced practitioners alike.
The process of fire play starts with a critical and deliberate preparation. A partner, often the dominant or top, swabs the submissive’s skin with a 70% solution of isopropyl alcohol. The concentration must not exceed this percentage, as higher concentrations can introduce significant risks. Once adequately swabbed, the alcohol-coated area is swiftly set alight and just as quickly extinguished. The fluid nature of fire, combined with the brief exposure, ensures the skin is only subjected to the desired level of sensation without causing undue harm.
Participants in fire play often find the controlled, flickering flame and its immediate impact both exhilarating and deeply sensual. The sensation produced by the brief ignition and the controlled application of heat leads to a unique experience, typified by a delicate balance between pleasure and pain. For many, this balance is one of the key attractions of fire play, heightening their sensory awareness and deepening their emotional connection with their partner.
There are several basic terms and concepts critical to understanding fire play. The “Top” is the person administering the fire, while the “bottom” or “submissive” is the one experiencing the sensation. “Extinguishing” involves promptly dousing the flame, typically using a damp cloth or hand, to ensure safety and prevent burns. Familiarity with these foundational terms is essential for a safe and enjoyable fire play experience.
Safety First: Choosing the Play Area and Tools
When engaging in fire play, safety must be the top priority. The first step is to choose an appropriate play area that minimizes risk. Avoid locations that are inherently flammable, such as bedrooms where bedding and curtains can easily catch fire. Instead, opt for a space with non-flammable surfaces, like tiled or concrete floors, and ensure the area is well-ventilated to prevent smoke accumulation.
Next, it is crucial to assemble the right tools and equipment well in advance. Essential items include:
Steel bowl: This is used to hold any flammable liquid, like isopropyl alcohol, which is preferred for its quick evaporation rate, reducing the risk of prolonged burning.
Isopropyl alcohol: Choose a solution with around 70% concentration, as higher concentrations can be too volatile and lower ones might not ignite properly.
Surgical scissors and gauze squares: Surgical scissors are indispensable for quickly removing any clothing that might catch fire, while gauze squares are handy for immediate first aid response to minor burns.
Butane lighter or candles: Use a butane lighter for precise control over the flame. Candles can also be used but require careful handling to prevent wax burns.
Fire extinguisher: A fire extinguisher should be easily accessible. Familiarize yourself with its operation before beginning any fire play session.
First aid kit: Ensure it is stocked with burn gel, bandages, and other supplies necessary for treating burns.
Before starting, take a moment to scan the area and remove any potential flammable items, including loose fabrics, paper products, and electronic devices. Always establish a “safety zone” within the play area that both participants are aware of, ensuring no unexpected movements lead to accidental encounters with the flame. This preparation and mindfulness are key components in maintaining a safe and enjoyable fire play experience.
Preparation and Communication
The realm of fire play, while exhilarating, necessitates meticulous preparation and unambiguous communication. An imperative foundation for any fire play session is the establishment of a pre-agreed safeword. This safeword serves as an unequivocal signal for the submissive to halt the activity instantly if they feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Additionally, incorporating a safe signal—preferably a non-verbal gesture—ensures the submissive can communicate without relying solely on verbal cues, which may be challenging during certain activities.
When preparing for a fire play scene, the avoidance of handcuffs or slow-release bondage items is paramount. The use of such restraints can pose significant risks, as the ability to quickly release the submissive in case of an emergency is crucial. Opt for alternatives that guarantee a swift and secure release, ensuring the safety of all participants.
Prior to initiating the scene, the dominant partner must diligently ensure that all tools and materials are assembled and easily accessible. Fire play equipment, such as fire wands, torches, or fuels, should be thoroughly checked for safety and functionality beforehand. Attention to detail in this preparation phase cannot be overstated, as even minor oversights can lead to severe consequences.
Equally important is the removal of all flammable items from the immediate vicinity of the play area. This includes materials like curtains, paper, and even certain types of clothing. By creating a controlled and hazard-free environment, the risk of accidental fires is significantly minimized.
Effective communication throughout the fire play session is non-negotiable. Regular check-ins between the dominant and submissive maintain a constant awareness of the latter’s comfort and safety levels. This ongoing dialogue ensures that adjustments can be made promptly, mitigating any potential discomfort or danger.
In summary, thorough preparation and lucid communication form the bedrock of safe and enjoyable fire play. Establishing clear safewords and signals, avoiding restrictive bondage, ensuring the readiness of tools, and removing flammable materials collectively create an environment where trust and safety are paramount.
Selecting Appropriate Areas for Fire Play
When embarking on the journey of fire play, selecting the appropriate areas of the body is crucial to ensure safety and maximize the enjoyment of the experience. It is highly recommended that beginners limit fire play to hairless regions such as the back and upper shoulders. These areas are not only more accessible but also reduce the risk of accidental burns, making it easier to control the flame and the sensation it provides.
It is imperative to avoid areas with significant body hair. Hair is highly flammable and can lead to unintended injuries if not properly managed. Before starting any fire play session, inspect the chosen area to ensure it is free of hair, dirt, and any flammable substances such as lotions or oils. For participants with long hair, it is essential that it is securely tied up and, ideally, covered with a damp, flame-resistant cloth or cap to prevent any accidental ignitions.
Another consideration is ensuring the play space itself is clear of any flammable materials. This includes removing any nearby clothing, drapes, or decorations that might catch fire. Having a damp towel and a fire extinguisher within reach is also an important safety measure. A well-prepared environment helps create a safe and enjoyable experience for all participants.
Lastly, communication remains key throughout the process. Continuous check-ins with the submissive partner ensure comfort and consent are maintained at all times. If any discomfort or unexpected reactions occur, being prepared to extinguish the flame quickly and safely is paramount.
By paying meticulous attention to these safety guidelines, practitioners can enhance their fire play sessions, creating an experience that is both thrilling and secure for everyone involved.
Step-by-Step Fire Play Process
Fire play is a delicate practice that requires precision, awareness, and adherence to safety protocols. Below is a comprehensive guide outlining the essential steps to ensure a controlled and enjoyable experience.
First, ensure that the play area is free of flammable materials, and have safety equipment such as a fire extinguisher, a bucket of water, and a wet cloth readily available. Establish a clear line of communication with your partner and agree on non-verbal safety signals before starting.
Begin by swabbing the desired skin area with 70% isopropyl alcohol. Alcohol should be applied in a thin, even layer to prevent excess liquid from dripping, which can create uncontrollable flames. Using 70% isopropyl alcohol is essential as it ignites at a lower temperature compared to higher concentrations or other types of alcohol, thus reducing the risk of burns.
Utilize a long-necked lighter or a specialized fire wand to ignite the alcohol carefully. These tools allow for controlled application of flame, keeping your hand at a safe distance. If it’s your first time experiencing fire play, opt for small areas to gauge your sensitivity and tolerance.
As soon as the alcohol is ignited, monitor the flame closely. The alcohol will burn off relatively quickly, usually within a few seconds. Immediately extinguish the flame by applying a wet cloth to the area. This not only cools the skin but also soothes any residual heat, adding to the comfort of the submissive.
To heighten the sensations further, you can incorporate ice. After extinguishing the flame, gently glide an ice cube over the heated area. The contrasting temperatures create an intense, stimulating experience that many find exhilarating.
Throughout the entire process, continuous communication and observation are paramount. Ensure that any sensations experienced by the submissive are within their comfort zone. Stop immediately if any unexpected pain or discomfort occurs.
Proper technique and safety considerations ensure that fire play remains an exciting and controlled experience. By following these steps meticulously, practitioners can enjoy the thrilling dynamics of fire play responsibly.
Handling Emergencies
When engaging in fire play, the paramount priority is always safety. Despite meticulous preparation, emergencies can still occur, and it is crucial to be prepared for any eventuality. Proper handling of emergencies not only ensures the well-being of all participants but also maintains trust and confidence within the practice.
A fire extinguisher should be an indispensable part of any fire play session. Opt for a multi-purpose fire extinguisher that can handle different types of fires, such as those involving ordinary combustibles, flammable liquids, and electrical fires. Familiarize yourself with its operation beforehand, including the PASS technique: Pull the pin, Aim the nozzle, Squeeze the handle, and Sweep from side to side. Position the fire extinguisher in a readily accessible location, ensuring all participants know where it is and how to use it.
In addition to a fire extinguisher, a well-stocked first aid kit is essential. This kit should contain items specific to treating burns, such as sterile gauze, burn ointment, and pain relief spray. Immediate treatment of minor burns involves cooling the affected area with cool running water for at least ten minutes, which helps to reduce pain and prevent further damage to the skin. Follow this with applying a sterile dressing to protect the burn. If blisters form or if the burn covers a significant area, seeking professional medical advice is advised.
Efficient and safe extinguishing of fires also depends on maintaining a calm demeanor. Panicking can exacerbate the situation. Clear communication between all parties is vital. Establish a signal that indicates an emergency, and ensure everyone knows this signal. If a fire does break out, quickly assess the situation: if it’s manageable, proceed with the fire extinguisher; if not, evacuate the area and contact emergency services.
Ultimately, thorough preparation and the presence of essential safety tools are fundamental components of responsible fire play. By prioritizing safety and being ready to address any emergencies, participants can explore this intense form of play with confidence and care.
Relaxation and Trust
When delving into the realm of fire play, relaxation and trust emerge as vital components for a gratifying experience. This powerful form of play, where the element of fire is intimately involved, demands more than just physical preparation; it calls for a deep psychological readiness, rooted in trust and clear communication.
Firstly, it is imperative to participate in fire play solely with an individual who is highly experienced and skilled in this domain. The expertise of the dominator ensures not only the technical proficiency required for safe execution but also a comprehensive understanding of managing the play’s intensity and potential risks. Gauge their experience level through honest discussions and do not hesitate to ask for demonstrations or testimonials.
Mutual trust between the submissive and the dominator cannot be overemphasized. This trust encompasses a willingness to communicate openly about boundaries, expectations, and safe words, facilitating a secure environment wherein both parties feel confident and willing. A thorough conversation before the session about comfort levels and any prior concerns goes a long way in fortifying this trust. Furthermore, consistent check-ins during the experience can greatly enhance the feeling of safety and relaxation.
Another crucial aspect is the state of relaxation that the submissive must achieve for a fully immersive experience. The submissive should engage in relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises or mindfulness practices to calm the mind and body before the session begins. Partnered relaxation rituals, such as a calming pre-session discussion or meditation, can also help in settling any nerves, thus preparing the submissive for the intensity of the play.
Overall, the intertwining elements of relaxation and trust create the bedrock for a safe, enjoyable, and transformative journey into fire play. Each session is unique, requiring a foundation built on profound mutual respect, clear communication, and unwavering trust.
Let’s start with the most basic question; why would anyone WANT to have electricity applied to their body?
The answers to that question fall into two areas; psychological and physical. Electric play is often practiced in BDSM and Femdom activities.
Table of Contents
The psychological reaction
The psychological reaction to the thought of being part of an electrical circuit is usually quite strong. We are taught as toddlers not to play with electricity, that it is dangerous, and that it can hurt or even kill us. Most of us have at one time or another received an accidental electric shock, and since it usually involves a strong dose of “house current”, it tends to be unpleasant enough to re-enforce these warnings! Of course, the mention of the term “electric shock torture” brings to mind a variety of fascinating images ranging from Gestapo or KGB interrogation chambers to field interrogations using the ringer generator on a field telephone connected to someone’s “private parts”, or possibly the Sheriff or Troopers with their cattle prods. The number and variety of scenes that can be built around various electrical devices is almost limitless. I’ll discuss some of my own favorites later.
The Physical reaction
Physically, electricity can produce a complex variety of sensations, and every Sub who has thought about the subject has their own idea of what it “should” feel like. If your subject enjoys the psychological trip, setting up a scene with all of the trappings of a torture session and applying mild stimulation while letting the subject’s mind do the rest can result in a very intense experience. Of course, if you and your subject are into more intense pain, electricity can provide more pain than most subs can tolerate, without leaving marks, scars, or (if done carefully) damage. Aside from the pain and fear aspects, direct mild electrical stimulation of the genitals can, under some circumstances, produce intensely sensual sensations, even to the point of orgasm.
Before we get into specific electropleasure techniques, we should start with a couple of basic safety rules; NEVER set up contacts such that a current path can be completed through the heart or brain! The safest way to be certain of this is to avoid any contact above the lowest set of ribs. It IS possible to work safely on the back, shoulders, neck and arms and I make some references to it later, but unless you are certain of your equipment, your knowledge and skill, and your subject’s health, keep the contacts below the lowest set of ribs. Don’t tie your subject too tightly, allow some room for muscle contractions. It is possible to do some significant damage if you apply a strong shock to a tightly-tied limb. Also, make certain that your subject is bound or positioned such that a sudden movement won’t cause a fall, impact against a solid or sharp object, or other unintended injury.
Make certain that your electrodes make good contact. Poor contact will often cause burns. Electrical burns tend to be deep and slow to heal. They also tend to have more damage beneath the surface than is immediately obvious.
I strongly suggest that when you try a new setup, you test it on yourself to the extent possible. This will give you some insight as to what the sensations are and what constitutes a tolerable level of current.
This leads to a WARNING: NEVER EXPERIMENT WITH ELECTRICITY ON YOURSELF UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMEONE PRESENT WHO KNOWS HOW (AND WHEN) TO SHUT OFF THE CURRENT!
Know your equipment!
Always have a safewordAND a signal which can be used if your sub can’t speak. Make sure that you are always alert to it. Nonverbal safewording
Finally, LEARN CPR!!!!!!! It could make the difference between a bad fright and a fatality (with resulting homicide charge). Remember, however, that CPR is successful in only about 1 cardiac arrest in 3! If this scares you, GOOD! Playing with electricity (like mountain climbing, flying, scuba diving, and numerous other hobbies) is not inherently dangerous, but it is terribly unforgiving of carelessness!
TYPES OF ELECTRICITY
People who play with electricity have been arguing the safety risks of DC vs. AC for a long time, and I won’t get caught up in the arguement here. I am of the “AC is safer” school, and generally avoid DC for play. AC, particularly frequencies in the range 1,000 cycles per second to 10,000 cycles per second (1 KHz to 10 KHz), is less dangerous and, in my opinion, provides more interesting sensations. As for current, it doesn’t take much. Five to fifteen milliamperes (.015 amp, or about 1/1000th of the current that a normal wall-outlet will provide before blowing fuses!) is generally as much as most people want to feel.
Before we get into equipment for applying electric current, let’s look at the safest electrical appliance in the S&M world. Instead of continuous current, This device makes use of STATIC ELECTRICITY. We have all walked across the wool rug and touched a light switch or appliance, and felt the spark jump out to meet our hand. The voltages involved here are extremely high (frequently on the order of millions of volts!). However, length of time that it lasts is so short and current so low that the total amount of electricity flowing is minuscule. Think of it as popping a small balloon. You have a little bit of air under a lot of pressure. When it is suddenly released, the pressure causes a loud bang, but does little else. The result of this is a strong, biting shock that causes no damage and isn’t dangerous, but really gets your attention. Since making your sub shuffle around on a wool rug all day is somewhat boring, we have a device called a VIOLET WAND.
THE VIOLET WAND
This gadget uses a high-frequency circuit similar to a Tesla coil to build up a static charge in a gas-filled glass tube. If you hold the tube near your sub’s body, Each time the charge builds up enough to jump the gap, a spark jumps from the tube to your sub’s skin. Unlike shuffling across the rug, though, the Wand can spark many times a second. You can adjust the intensity and rate of sparks depending on your purpose. The nature of the body’s response to this type of charge is such that you can use the wand anywhere on the body except for the eyes. One of the best scenes I’ve seen with the wand involved a male sub who had never experienced it before. After the top made it clear that he was dissatisfied with the sub ‘s performance, that it was time for an exceptionally severe punishment, he was tied to a cross spread-eagled in a standing position. naked except for a leather cock and ball harness. He was gagged but not blindfolded. The only light in the room was a small blue nightlight. The Top brought out the Wand and selected a small straight tube. When it was switched on, the nightlight was eclipsed by the purple glow from the tube and a sputtering, crackling sound came from the power unit. With the tube a few inches from a metal wall plate the slave got to watch the bright, blue sparks jump from the tube to the plate for a few moments while the top made some adjustments to the power unit (which comes with simply an on-off switch and a power control, so a couple of knobs and dials were added to make it more sinister). The slave was left alone to contemplate the glowing tube for a few minutes.
When the top returned, the slave was sweating and seemed rather pale in the purple glow. After stroking his erect cock a few times (he was terrified, but loving every second), the top suddenly gripped his cock firmly in one hand and started bringing the wand slowly closer to the bead of cum on the very tip of his cock. When the tip of the wand was about 1/2“ from the tip of his cock, a stream of sparks began to jump the gap. His screams were audible around the gag as he began to writhe and strain against his bonds. The wand was pulled away before he could realize that it didn’t hurt nearly as much as he thought it did. He spent the next few minutes receiving brief zaps to random places, especially on the tip of his cock, the spot right at the base of the glans, his nipples, navel, and ear lobes. Each zap brought a renewed writhing, although the screams had dropped off to whimpers, and his cock was hard and his breathing heavy.
Finally tired of this game, the top began alternating tongue and wand on the end of his cock. Of course, the wetness from the top’s mouth made the zaps sting more, and the rapid changes between the caressing tongue and the sting of the wand left him not knowing what to expect next. Next, the top gripped the end of the wand tightly in one hand. You might expect this to be uncomfortable, but actually the charge at that point builds up without “motion” in both the wand and the holder’s body. This means that the top could reach out and draw sparks between a fingertip and the slave’s writhing body! Of course, the Top felt the sparks too, but the Top knew what to expect, and a finger is a lot less sensitive than the points on the slave’s body where the sparks were striking! This phase of his “torture” ended by being ungagged and kissed, drawing sparks between probing tongues. The top finished the evening by switching the small tube on the wand for a flat disk about 1” in diameter, which he used to apply a shower of sparks to the sensitive (and recently shaved) area between the back of the slave’s balls and his anus, while sucking him to climax.
CAUTION: Note that at no point did the top insert the tube into any body orifice. Remember that the tube is GLASS! Inserting it into the anus (or vagina, in the case of a female submissive) would be hazardous, and since there is very little sensation when there is no air gap between the tube and the body, it really isn’t worth it. It IS possible to obtain a piece of metal tubing slightly larger than the glass tube and place it over the end of the glass tube. This metal tip can then be inserted as seems appropriate (keeping in mind sharp edges, and all of the other rules that apply when you stick things into places where they weren’t designed to go).
Although this particular exercise involved a male subject, I have also seen the same general techniques on females with similar success. In that case, excellent targets include the clitoris and surrounding area, as well as along the moist inner edges of her cunt lips. One particularly interesting variation involves a piece of plastic pipe, about 3/4“ outside diameter and 3” long, with all edges chamfered and smoothed. Insert the end of the pipe slightly into her cunt, then, using the wand with the metal extension described above, insert it into the tube. Experiment with varying amounts of penetration for both the tubing and the wand. The same technique would work for anal penetration, and would provide a very intense reaction on a male subject if concentrated on his prostate.
By now you’re probably curious as to where to get one of these toys, and why they sell them in the first place. Actually, they were originally sold as “cure-alls” and were the center of many charitans’ “medical” practice. Currently, they are sold mainly as a curiosity. The unit that I have is called the “Master High Frequency Unit”. They are sold through beauty supply houses as a skin stimulator or some such, so that’s one possible source. They are also available from a company called The Stockroom www.stockroom.com
The units that I have came with three different tubes. If you should get one, the best bet is to simply play with it to see what tubes produce the most interesting effect on what body parts, although the above should give you a few ideas. The model that The Stockroom carries is available with an attachment consisting of a metal beaded chain, which can be used as a very interesting electric whip. I haven’t tried it, but it sounds quite neat, and I’d like to hear from someone who has used it.
If you are interested in applying current as opposed to static jolts, the selection of a power supply requires some care. Although I built my first unit back when I was in high school, I strongly advise against the do-it-yourself route unless you are particularly skilled in electronics (in retrospect, I consider myself lucky that none of my early designs ever landed anyone in a hospital or worse!). I’ve seen frequent references to “TENS” (Trancutaneous Electro-Neural Stimulation) units, which is the medical term for a device frequently used by chiropractors and other medical professionals. These are powerful units, and are quite capable of causing serious injury or death. They are also generally sold only to medical practitioners, and are very expensive. They are, however, quite well made and are very safe if properly used. You will sometimes find them for sale in the “Health Equipment” classifieds for under $200.
If you don’t happen to have a chiropractor who will order a TENS unit for you and instruct you in its safe use, I’d suggest buying one of the Electro-Muscle Stimulation (EMS) exercisers that you see advertised in any of the bodybuilding magazines These are less costly (and usually less powerful and elaborate) versions of the TENS units, and are intended to provide the effects of exercise by forcing muscle contractions electrically. I’ll leave the question of whether they help build impressive biceps to others, but as electro-pleasure and electro-torture devices, they are excellent. They provide from 2 to a dozen separate circuits, each with adjustable current. Depending on the unit, you may also be able to vary frequency, waveform, and surge characteristics for each circuit. The units are powered by batteries, which eliminates any worry about a ground loop or component failure placing the full resources of your local power company in contact with a sensitive portion of your partner’s anatomy. Also, the individual circuits are isolated from each other, so you don’t have to worry about current flowing between electrodes of two different circuits and setting up a path that you hadn’t planned on.
The Stockroom also sells a couple of different types of power supplies for the purpose. I’ve also seen a small 2-circuit EMS unit advertised recently on Home Shopping Club and one in the “Damark” bargain catalogue.
Exactly what path you want the current to take through your subject’s body and how you connect the current is dependent on what effect you are looking to obtain. The smaller the electrode, the more strongly the current will be felt as a tingling or stinging at the electrode site. Therefore, with a small electrode, the sensation at the contact point is likely to reach your subject’s tolerance limit before much is felt in the area between the contacts. A large electrode will produce little sensation at the contact point, and more in the area between contacts. Bearing in mind that we NEVER select a current path through the chest or head, let’s take a look at some paths and the types of electrodes suitable for connecting them.
The number of different types of electrodes that you can make or buy is limited only by the kinkyness of your imagination. Remember though that a poor electrode-to-skin contact can cause painful, slow-healing burns. Most people do not consider this enjoyable, so make sure that your electrodes make good contact, and adjust them if your subject complains of burning.
LEG TO LEG
This is a good “first try”. Because of the size and strength of the muscles, legs respond well to electroshock. Initially, the best way to connect to the legs is through ankle cuffs. Make up a “sandwich” consisting of a layer of plastic (i.e. a Baggie), a layer of metal window screen (copper, brass, or aluminum) to which you’ve attached a length of wire (a piece of Aluminum foil will work in a pinch, and a layer of gauze (such as first aid pads). Wet the gauze with a solution of 1 tbsp of salt in 1 qt of warm water. Wrap one around each ankle, and secure them tightly in place using your regular leather ankle restraints or an Ace bandage.
This makes an excellent contact and will provide minimal sensation at the contact point, so your subject can concentrate on the sensation in thigh and calf muscles. Unfortunately, this method doesn’t provide much sensation in the genital area (more sensation in women than men, though).
Of course, this technique would also work on wrist cuffs. You shouldn’t even consider applying current from wrist to wrist since this is a direct path through the heart and lungs. You CAN, however, wrap one cuff around the wrist and the other near the shoulder of the SAME ARM. If your power supply has multiple circuits, you can do this to both arms, provided the circuits are well isolated from each other. If you have a 3-circuit power supply, you can effectively “bind” your subject without ropes by setting up a circuit leg-to-leg and one on each arm, then increasing the current to the point where your subject can no longer move her/his limbs. This takes surprisingly little current, and an otherwise unbound subject struggling and straining to move his/her limbs against invisible bonds can be most erotic both to watch and experience.
It is also interesting to apply current between sections of the body which cannot be wrapped, such as the buttocks, lower back, and stomach. For this purpose, you can either use the conductive rubber electrodes sold for use with TENS or EMS units (they’re made of rubber with a high carbon content, making them conductive) or flat plastic-screen-gauze pads such as described above. These can, of course, be made in whatever shape and size you wish. I’ve also recently tried the anti-static plastic that computer boards come in with good results.
Application of current to the buttocks via large pad electrodes is an interesting sensation, with the tingling often extending into the genitals, and in any case being quite erotic.
If the scene that you are playing includes pain, it is probably best to concentrate the current with small electrodes. Applying enough current across a large area to be more than mildly painful entails a high risk of pulled muscles, torn ligaments, and the like. A short current path between two small electrodes can, on the other hand, produce a concentrated sensation variable from a mild tingling to intense pain at the turn of a knob. You can also concentrate the sensation even further by using one large electrode (on the buttocks or lower back, for example) and a small electrode at the point where you want concentrated pain. Small electrodes can be made by soldering a wire to a coin. For better contact, glue a piece of gauze or towel to the contact side of the coin and wet it with salt water.
Another interesting contact material is the copper tape sold as edging for stained glass. I haven’t had much opportunity to play with it, but it’s available in widths from 3/16“ to 3/8” and is quite conductive.
An interesting variation is connecting one side of a circuit to a large electrode on the lower back and taking a Q-Tip swab, wrapping a couple of turns of copper wire connected to the other side of the circuit around the shaft where it joins the cotton tip. You then can wet the swab with salt water and draw points and lines of tingling or pain on the legs, stomach, back, and genitals. Depending on the current level (this is a good one to try on yourself first) it can feel like a tiny vibrator or like you’re flaying the skin with a sharp knife (but leaving no damage, marks or sensation of cuts behind). This can be especially intense for a subject who is blindfolded and doesn’t know what’s happening – the sensation is quite outside most people’s frame of reference and they have no idea what you’re doing to them.
This is probably a good time to mention clip leads. If you want very concentrated sensation and your subject is into a lot of pain, alligator clips may be just the thing. Attached to the cunt lips (or cock or balls), a very small amount of current will produce exquisite agony. I recommend the smooth jaw clips since they are more comfortable, and allow the subject to concentrate on the sensation of the current. You can also take a clothespin and insert a thumbtack with a wire connected to it into each side of the clip. This produces a very concentrated sensation, and you can even use this on a nipple provided that the two tacks represent two leads of the same circuit, since the current will be flowing only through the nipple itself.
If your subject enjoys anal stimulation, you can take a butt plug of whatever size your subject enjoys (remember, smaller is better since we want to emphasize the current sensations) and wrap it with bare copper wire. You can get different sensations by wrapping different parts of the plug. On a male subject, if you wrap just the top 1/2“ or so, you can usually produce an ejaculation on demand by stimulating the muscles around the prostate gland. This is especially interesting because the resulting ejaculation is quite unsatisfying. It is possible to milk him dry this way while still leaving him horny and begging for an orgasm that just won’t happen. My favorite tools for this purpose resembles a latex finger about 6” long and slightly bent. I have wire-wrapped only the very end, which allow me to probe around to get the reaction I desire. I’ve recently seen a butt plug with electrical contacts already built in advertised in the Stockroom catalogue, but I haven’t had a chance to try one.
CAUTION: Anytime you use a wire as a contact, make the bare part at least twice as long as you need and fold it back on itself so that the cut end is not in contact with the body, and ESPECIALLY is not inserted into a body cavity! The cut end can do serious damage in places where the repair work is also likely to be unpleasant.
Applying current to the genitals is one of the most intense aspects of electrotorture, both psychologically and physically. Depending on the effect that you are trying to achieve, there are a variety of possible connection methods. Let’s consider the female first; As I mentioned above, a Q-tip wet with salt water and connected to one side of a circuit is excellent. You can tease the wet insides of her cunt lips and continue up to the sensitive area around the base of her clit, or even up to the tip of the clit itself. It really doesn’t matter where you connect the other side of the circuit, but it should be a fairly large contact to concentrate the sensation at the Q-Tip.
Many companies sell chrome or stainless steel dildos, which are excellent as a cunt contact. I even have a chrome (metal, not chromed plastic) vibrator, which provides an intense combination of sensations. If you can’t get a metal dildo or vibrator, the same wire-wrapping techniques used on the butt-plug works well. You may also want to try just wire-wrapping the end so that you can probe for the spot that gives the reaction that you want. A circuit connected from a dildo to a butt-plug produces intense sensation in the most sexually-responsive areas. If your power supply is capable of producing a surging current, it can feel almost like being fucked from both ends at once with the electrodes not even moving!
Also, if your subject enjoys more intense pain, a clamp (the chrome ones sold as nipple clamps work well) on each cunt lip can be excruciating (as, of course, can one on her clit with the other side of the circuit on a dildo). Since I mention nipple clamps, I again caution against connecting one side of a circuit to a nipple! One contact on each side of the SAME nipple forming a circuit is safe as long as those contacts are isolated from any other circuits.
A number of people that I know INSERT electrodes into the urethra (Male or Female). This should be done with the greatest of care (if at all). The wire to be inserted should be doubled back and soldered (preferably with lead-free solder) then the solder should be polished smooth. Remember that the slightest scratch inside the urethra is likely to result in an infection and may well require painful (and embarrassing) surgery. If you must try this, I’d recommend trying to obtain uretheral “sounds” (a probe designed for insertion into the urethra).
The male anatomy offers a diverse selection of options for connection to electrical circuits. For the balls, there are several possibilities; Do NOT wrap a wire around your subject’s balls! The dangers of this should be obvious.
You can use the same salt-water and gauze technique as above with whatever type of ball harness best shows off your subject’s equipment. Again, Ace bandage works well to hold the contacts and provides the additional advantage of a pleasant sensation of pressure.
If you can get them, the small adhesive pads used by Paramedics as contacts for electrocardiograms are perfect for the balls. You can set up an interesting sensation by connecting a circuit to one on the bottom of each ball. Shaving the balls first makes this easier, and can be an interesting scene on its own. If you can’t get the EKG electrodes, a penny covered with salt water wetted gauze works real well also.
For electro-masturbation, I prefer a ball contact placed in the space between the balls. Attaching copper tape the center strap of a leather ball-divider works quite well.
Good choices for a second contact for any circuit involving the cock and balls include a butt-plug, ankle cuffs, thigh cuffs, or flat electrodes on the buttocks or lower back. You can also use a metal cock ring of the type that fits behind the balls, but I find that they tend to burn, at least on me, unless the entire area is freshly shaved I’ve also had some good luck with the Parachute type ball-stretcher. Lined with wet gauze and weighted, it makes excellent contact and will handle an excruciating amount of current without burning.
For the cock, a metal (copper is best) cock ring with a wire soldered to it sized to be snug just behind the glans when the cock is erect works well. I heard just recently of someone who is uncut and places the ring such that he can pull the foreskin over it – he says the sensation is terrific. I’ve also seen an interesting unit based on the “7 gates of hell”, which consists of 7 cock rings of decreasing size held together by leather straps. They fit over the cock and become quite snug when the cock is erect. In his case, each side of the circuit is connected to alternating rings. Although none of these make the greatest contact, the amount of current that most men can tolerate through the outer portion of their cocks is well below the point where burning is a problem. . A copper cock ring at the BASE of the cock paired with a butt-plug also makes an excellent combination. If you make up several coin electrodes and glue each one to a strip of Velcro, you can wrap them in place just about anyplace on the cock. A hot-melt glue gun is an excellent tool when making electrodes, since you can also insulate connections with the glue. The LOW TEMP glue gun is also an interesting torture tool by itself. I haven’t tried gluing electrodes in place, but it could be interesting. I find personally that a dime electrode on the top of my cock just at the base of the glans, with the other side of the circuit a large contact on buttocks, thigh, or balls will produce an ejaculation without any other contact fairly quickly.
If you prefer less concentrated sensations, a bare wire laid along the cock lengthwise (see caution above about wire electrodes) and Ace-bandaged in place is excellent. You can use any of the options mentions above for the other side of the circuit, or you can lay one wire along the top and one along the bottom to make a circuit. Most men can take quite a bit of current in this orientation, so some salt water may help to insure a good connection. I should note that in most cases, current applied to any part of the cock will produce an immediate erection, sometimes painfully hard. There is also usually a level of current where ejaculation becomes impossible. I will leave the question of how to best take advantage of this situation to the mind of the reader. I should note that I’ve never had the opportunity to try or observe intercourse when the male is being held “electrically erect”, but the possibilities are interesting to say the least (again, reports of your experiences would be interesting and will be included in subsequent versions of this article).
A reader of a previous version of this document says that he has an Oster massager which has a metal heated surface, and using it as one side of a circuit provides an interesting combination of vibration, heat, and electricity when applied to any number of locations.
Of course, one of the most interesting aspects of electrotorture involves structuring the scene for maximum psychological impact. Consider the difference between slowly increasing the current to the point where the subject reaches their limit (NOTE – ALWAYS HAVE A SAFE-WORD WHEN PLAYING WITH ELECTRICITY!) and suddenly applying current (at the same level that you have previously tested with a slow buildup). In the latter case, the subject experiences a sensation of anticipation much like that of waiting for a whip to strike. Of course, there are any number of ways that you can arrange to have shocks applied at random intervals so that you can be doing something else entirely when the shock comes (for example, oral sex becomes so much more interesting when you know that at any time you may get a painful shock to your genitals). Since the Top doesn’t know exactly when the current is coming, (s)he can’t telegraph it, so the subject is totally unprepared.
Alternatively, you can place the shocks more or less under your subject’s “control”. For example, how long can your subject hold a push-up position before sinking down to the floor and pressing down on a switch? Or a missing-pulse circuit can be used so that your subject remains shock-free only as long as he/she can continue to do push-ups or pull-ups or work the stair exerciser or whatever at a rate of once every x seconds. This is a great way to get your subject in shape while you play!
Carrying this concept a bit further is a particularly nasty idea for your favorite male submissive: Place a reasonably large contact for one side of a circuit at most any point on the body (I personally prefer a butt plug). For the other contact, take an insulated wire, Strip about the last 1/4“ and put a ball of solder on the end to cover the sharp tip. Cover this with a layer of DRY gauze, and insert it into the very tip of a (non-lubricated) condom. Put the condom on your subject. No current will flow because the gauze insulates the electrode from his cock. Explain to the subject that you will let him come whenever he ASKS to. However, the sensation of orgasm will occur along with a significant current flow through his cock as his highly-conductive cum completes the circuit. Then tease him until his need to come overcomes his fear of the pain. It makes an interesting psychological trip (my favorite kind!) and watching your favorite hunk writhe while trying to decide whether to beg to come or beg not to is the type of sport in which I can indulge for hours at a time. Unfortunately, I haven’t yet come up with a comparable technique for a female subject!
NEEDLES
I’ve seen a couple of interesting scenes using electricity applied via needles inserted into the skin. If you try this, keep in mind all of the normal precautions in dealing with piercing, and also keep in mind that once you pierce the skin, the electrical resistance drops dramatically. It takes a very tiny amount of voltage to produce a large (for our purposes) current flow.
TUCKER TELEPHONE
This term was coined by inmates of a Georgia jail, where Warden Tucker used the ringer magneto of a field telephone to help teach those boys some respect. This comes under the heading of REAL PAIN if you use an unmodified magneto. The magnetos are available from many surplus stores, and consist of a crank geared to an armature which rotates within a group of permanent magnets. If you remove some of the magnets, you can tone down the shock level while keeping the psychological aspects. “Classic” use of this device involves connection between the balls and either the anus or ankles. Even with a couple of magnets removed, a few experiences with this toy will cause your sub to become very cooperative when you reach for the crank.
CATTLE PRODS
There are a variety of cattle prods available from both farming and S&M suppliers. These are self-contained battery powered rods with a pair of contacts on one end. Again, we’re talking about REAL PAIN here. As the name implies, these are intended to get a cow’s attention. You can tone most units down a bit by replacing one or more batteries with a piece of aluminum. Since the contacts are close together, you generally can’t get a really hazardous path unless you apply it to the chest or head, but the shock can be strong enough to tear muscles.
STUN GUNS – WARNING
Just about every magazine includes ads for so-called “stun guns” – very high voltage devices designed to incapacitate an attacker. I have not played with one of these for S&M purposes, but I’ve read a number of reports concerning serious injuries suffered by people on whom they were used by police or others. Many states have banned them, even for police use. The sparks and sound of one of these devices could be used in an interesting psych scene, but I would personally not actually apply it to my partner.
This article is only to be used for suggestions and your own resource, use at your own risk.
What is edge play edge play, and How does it fit into Femdom
BDSM unlike virtually any other lifestyle offers the potential to extend the experiences of the individual into new realms and areas that they have never had the opportunity to explore before. In the beginning everything is a challenge. From the action of merely speaking an honorific title such as Mistress/Master to learning the basic responses, positions and commands that you desire for them to utilize when with you. These basic foundations are crucial to building the type of relationship that grows, evolves and flourishes. But, at some point your submissive gets it! They conquer that phase of the learning process and your exchange together in ‘scene’ may be reaching a plateau.
You have spent considerable time in conversation with your submissive about ‘their perceived limits!’ I say it this way on purpose. In any relationship limits are guessed at. In a new sub they are to some extent completely unknown. A person cannot know what they like or dislike if they have never had any occasion to experience them. There are some absolutes – these (in general may be children and animals – scat is also Very often a firm taboo!) Beyond these absolute limits there is a huge playing field.
EDGE PLAY is the action of offering new challenges to the Edges of play you and your submissive are already familiar with.
Every physical challenge is equally mentally challenging as it is asking your submissive to reach beyond where they think they can . . . for you . . . for them! It may be as simple as progressing from one set of clamps to another . . . from spanking to the introduction of the crop. It may be as complex as sensory deprivation and trust play.
When is it time?
First it is crucial that you have a strong established trust! Second, you must have a pretty good working knowledge as to your sub’s mindset, their attitude, moods, desires. Explore things conversationally at first. Express thoughts about say (a photo you have seen and shared), a scene you saw in a movie or read about . . . see what makes your sub nervously excited. This is called ‘planting a seed’. It forewarns your sub of where you are thinking. It allows them to talk to you in advance and prepare mentally and fantasize! This is important when your relationship is fairly young. It is fragile. Trust is so very important that you cannot thrust something on them ‘in scene’ that they might consider a violation of their limits. Out of scene later such a transgression may destroy your relationship and all of your hopes and dreams . . .
To me, the peak of EDGE PLAY is within the mind itself.
It is to take the submissive further, to trust deeper, fly higher than they have ever believed possible. For each submissive the tools used to assist them are different, it is a truth that every one is different and unique. Discovering their personal triggers and using them is perhaps the greatest challenge and joy a dominant can experience!
This is a list of suggested ideas and activities for Dominant Women to use on their submissive men. I’ve written this list because I enjoyed compiling it and I hope people will continue to send comments and additions It could be used as a starting point for couples who would like some new ideas or don’t know where to start. This list is not meant as a “how too list” but just meant to spark ideas for the newly dominant woman, as I suggest she finds her own style.
Table of Contents
Here are a few fantastic ideas on how to tease, humiliate, punish, and torment your favorite male submissive. . Have fun!!
-As a basis for various games a couple rolls of the dice to see where his future lies, spin the wheel… someone mentioned using the daily lottery numbers for determining the ‘punishment of the day’…)
List of teases:
– Tease Your slave to get him to the point where he’ll “Do Anything to please You”
– Make him strip naked while You keep Your clothes on.
– Don’t let him masturbate or touch his cock without Your permission at any time while he is Your slave.
– Have him kneel before You and kiss Your feet.
– Tie his hands and have him undress you with his mouth/teeth. Old stockings make great ties if you have none.
– Have him address you as ‘Mistress’ or any name you feel good hearing, I find my name just doesn’t set the ‘scene’ as well as mistress and gives My subs a verbal enforcer as to who is in charge.
– Have him kiss Your ass…make him beg to kiss Your ass.
-Scratch him with your finger nails.
– Tie his hands behind his back. Have him kneel with knees spread naked in front of You while you read or watch TV, occasionally nudging his balls or penis with Your shoes.
– Use some strong string (kite string), tie a slip noose in the end and tighten it around the head of the penis, tug on it, pull it shake it, lead him with it, whatever pleases you.
– Show Your slave your panty crotch, make him smell it, but no touching without permission.
– Tie your slave spread eagle to the bed and tease him for hours. Make sure he has a big hard on, but once he does only touch it when he needs just a little more encouragement, don’t let him cum.
– Either order him to stay erect, or don’t give him permission to have a hard on… either way, punish him if he fails!
-Put on his favorite lingerie and tease him with Your beauty.
-Tickle him. Pinch his nipples.
-Sit on his chest and find out what he would do to be allowed to kiss your nipple. let him almost kiss it but pull away, make him beg !.
-Squat above his face, make him reach with his tongue to taste the crotch of your panties…get more promises
– Make him lick the dildo clean.
-Blindfold him and make him lick you to several orgasms. Take a break, cum back and do it all again.
– Rub his face against your pussy or sit on his face, but gag him with your panties or a gag so that he can’t lick you.
– Tie his balls off to something behind him so he has to tug on them to smell Your panties or kiss your ass…stay just out of reach.
– Masturbate in front of him. Use a dildo or a vibrator. (little hint look him fair and square in the eyes)
– Put the base of the dildo in his mouth and make him satisfy You with it. Do it so his nose presses between Your ass cheeks. He’ll be Your little brown nose and love it.
-Make him wear a cock ring (a watch strap or cat collar works well)
– Tie him down to the bed and tie his hands to his penis but do not give him permission to cum with harsh punishments for disobedience.
-Take a break, put some worn panties over his face and leave the room for a while and let him think about what else you might do.
– Put Your worn panties over his head so he can smell your odor.
List of Humiliations:
Once he’ll “Do Anything to please You” here’s some ideas that will keep Your slave attentive and in his proper place, and will hopefully be entertaining for You.
– Make him wear Your panties or lingerie, dress him up as a little girl or a French maid.
– Make him do housework naked or dressed in women’s clothes.
-Make him hand wash your panties and lingerie.
– Have him pamper you, have him:
– give you a foot/back/full body massage/rub moisturizer all over your body.
– give you a pedicure/manicure,
– paint your finger/toe nails.
– bathe you/shave your legs.
– Make him polish your shoes with his tongue.
– Make him wear a collar and lead him around with a leash, like a dog.
-have him drink out of a bowl on the floor no hands.
– cook and serve you a nice dinner. (naked is even better )
– Make him masturbate for You, make him beg for permission to cum, don’t let him, punish him if he does
– Always make him lick you clean after sex.
– Tie it off in front of the sink while he does the dishes.
– Dress him up like the slut that he is, wear a strap-on dildo and make him beg to suck it. fuck him. (don’t forget the fuck-me red lipstick! Or the sissy and sassy Barbie pink!)
– Make him wear Your panties or lingerie under his regular clothes when he goes out or goes to work so that he will think of his Mistress constantly.
– Order him to bring himself to the edge of orgasm and stay there until you give him permission. When you give the command he must cum within 5 seconds or he will be punished and/or not allowed to cum at all. (keep him that way for 30 minutes, an hour…or as long as you want)
– Make him screw himself with a dildo.
– Attach a leash to his balls or cock ring, and lead him around with that.
– Make him earn his rewards; for example:
-Allow him to kiss your ass after the dishes are done.
-1 minute of pleasure for him for 10 minutes of yours.
-5 minutes of pleasure for him after he makes you cum 5 times.
-Spank him 10 times for each minute it takes him to make You cum.
– If You think he’s earned an orgasm, make him cum on Your feet or your ass and then make him lick You clean.
– go out, order him to tie himself up, be naked or dressed up as a girl and be kneeling at the door for when You arrive.
Ride him around as your pony boy…spurs? a riding crop?
– Order him to bring himself to the edge of orgasm and stay there until You give him permission. When you give the command he must cum within 5 seconds or he will be punished and/or not allowed to cum at all. (keep him that way for 30 minutes, an hour…or as long as you want)
-you may want to curb his interest by ordering him to jerk off 5 or 6 times in a row. Use it as skin conditioner… 3 times on each foot, have him spread it around and lick them clean after each time.
-have him masturbate with a handful of uncooked rice if he is annoying.
– Lock a padlock on his balls. (Don’t loose the key! )
-Have him wear a pink bow with your name written on it tied to his cock all day (a good way to remind them who they belong too)
– Give him a golden shower. (shower works well for this if you don’t want mess)
– Make him think of a new way for You to humiliate him. Punish him if you don’t think it’s good enough. Make him post it to the net (and send it to me to add to the list)
List of Punishments:
If he’s not performing to Your satisfaction, or you just feel the need to assert Your right to punish Your slave. If you don’t like inflecting pain there are other ways to make him uncomfortable and will still work to maintain you dominance over him.
-Tie him in an uncomfortable position.
– Tie his ankles together and attach his balls to them.
– Hog tied. (wrists and ankles tied together)
– Spank or whip him. (wooden spoon, hair brush, belt, ruler, ping pong paddle, riding crop, switch, cat-o-nine tails (look in the kitchen heaps of play toys.)
– In a chair with his knees pulled up to his shoulders – good for spanking and everything is exposed and vulnerable.
– Tie up his balls and cock with a long leather thong, clothes line, or boot lace. Use a long piece, and wrap the base and balls repeatedly. Do each ball separately. Tie tight loops around his shaft from base to tip then tie the end off back between his legs and up to a belt or to his handcuffs.
– Make him wear a chastity belt or cock cage.
– Hanging from the ceiling by his wrists
-Attach clothes pins or nipple clips to his nipples, balls, cock or wherever.
– Put a butt plug in his ass. Or get out the strap-on.
– Enema.
– Put Ben-gay or icy-hot on his penis and nipples.
– Double up on his domestic chores, make them more difficult: tie his hands; make him use a toothbrush to clean the toilet, tie his ankles with a short chain and make him wear extra high heels.
– Deny him orgasms for a long period of time.
-Put a butt plug in his ass. Or get out the strap-on.
– Drip candle wax on him.
– Have him lick You clean after you pee.
– Humiliate him in public…take him shopping for panties/lingerie
Make him do exercises (jumping jacks, leg spreads, squats, aerobics…) (Ballet is always good for a laugh )
*please note: Many more ideas, hints, tips and discussions are located in Free Video and PDF download section within the Free Femdom Community Why not come join us! Get the information you need to succeed!
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Carefully insert your finger or fingers into his anus. (wear gloves and use lube make sure he’s relaxed) Move them gradually up wards and to the back, along the area of the rectum towards the front of his body. Your fingers should be moving in roughly the direction of his navel.
oh helps too if he’s ‘sort of’ comfortable and it’s warm, the warm makes their balls drop
You will feel the prostate gland, which is like a small, round bulb about the size of a large walnut. Gently massage it with a light waving motion along its sides, taking care not to press hard on the central area, where the sensitive nerves are located. Avoid touching the prostate gland with your fingernails.
he may experience a sensation that makes him feel like going to the bathroom although he does not have to. Try not to let it affect him, and continue with the massage. Talk to him, distract him or get him to talk to you. (just till you know what your doing.. first few times)
After a few minutes, the prostate gland may be stimulated enough for ejaculation to occur. However, does not always successfully bring about ejaculation. it takes practice and time.
what I do is just masturbate him a little to get him ready for the milk, calms them down, also gets the fluids built back up…then i do the ‘massage’
I found when I first started they didn’t always flow first go, and found a little trick to help is tell them, “right I’m going to prostrate train you, if your a good boy I might Milk you. can’t have MY balls turning blue, now can we” Then if it doesn’t work you don’t look like your an idiot and don’t know what your doing…LOL or if it does work hey presto aren’t you clever. (and don’t I have a clever subbie)
I found the guys freak out a little if they have never had it done, so by saying ‘you might milk them’ they get horny and become a more compliant and they relax and make it easier work for us, it puts them in a subbie mind space. you shouldn’t have, to have him hard, if he is it’s ok. most subbies are so turned on by the idea of milking they end up with raging hard on’s and only take a few minutes to milk.
General information and safety tips for Femdom play
C and B play stands for cock and ball play. Genitorture stands for genital torture . This is a subject that makes some men clutch their nuts and run in fear, and makes other men instantly erect and greedy for more. The male genitals are at once the most vulnerable and most sensitive part of the male body, so of course many tops enjoy playing with them.
Cockrings are rings that go around your cock, typically around the base of it, behind the balls. The penis becomes erect when the blood vessels at its base constrict (because of arousal), trapping blood in the cock and causing it to swell. Cock rings have a similar effect, prolonging erection in most men that use them. (They also constrict the urethra, which will make any orgasm more painful, or even cause ejaculate to back up into the bladder. This is not dangerous unless done repeatedly. Experiment to find out how much tightness is too much.)
Most are made of leather, with adjustable snaps, so you can tighten or loosen them to fit (as well as remove them easily). Some are made of rubber. Some are even made of metal, but metal ones can be hazardous; if you put a too-small one on your non-erect cock, your cock may become so erect that you can no longer remove it–and if it is too tight, it will prevent your cock from softening. This may involve a trip to the emergency room and the use of bolt cutters. No joke.
Some cock rings have multiple rings, for behind the balls, around the balls themselves, and around the base of the shaft. Some people like using _lots_ of cock rings, to stretch the balls out away from the body.
Safety tips:
The broadest guideline is to go slowly until you know how much you can take. If the pain from a particular activity starts to spread into other areas of the body, or if the pain lasts for a long time after the stimulation ends, you have probably gone beyond your limits. You won’t reach this point generally if you take your time. As with any SM practice, if you find yourself in pain later, or if you notice any abnormalities in your cock or balls when flaccid or erect, see a doctor.
Of course, avoid any practice that seriously wrenches or twists the genitals; there are many ligaments and blood vessels in there, damage to which may make it hard for you to get hard. But the cock and balls can handle light whipping or slapping, provided it is done with care. Of course, cock and ball bondage can be done with leather strips, ribbons, velvet cords, etc. Be as ornamental as you please; tying up an erect cock can create a luscious work of art, and teasing it can be even more artistic. Don’t expect C and B bondage to keep a cock hard indefinitely; cocks will usually get soft if not stimulated, and bondage which _will_ keep it hard may be dangerously tight. In any event, be sure.
A sensual massage is a great stress reliever; removes toxins from the body; and most important is an incredible erotic experience. Because the skin is the largest organ of the body and is covered with thousands of nerve endings, the very nature of touch stimulates all of our senses.
Creating a sensual environment is the beginning of truly great massage. Lighting, sound, smell and temperature all go into setting the mood. You do not want to be disturbed so turn off the phones and have a way to lock the door. Illuminate the room with soft lighting or candles. Exotic incense or scented candles add a nice touch. While it would be wonderful to have a commercial massage table, you can use a bed, table or floor – just make sure you have plenty of padding on any hard surface. If you are going to use a bed, position your partner cross ways at an angle and make sure you have lots of washable towels, sheets and a good mattress pad so the mattress doesn’t get stained. Assemble oils, lubricants, erotic toys (feathers, vibrator, blindfold, etc.), clean sheets, blankets and pillows. Make sure that the room is warm enough for the person lying naked (at least 78 degrees).Check your fingernails for length to make sure that they you won’t be inflicting any wounds. Last but not least is the right music. Selections should be soothing, relaxing and have the ability to repeat. You don’t want to stop the massage to change the music. Also keep glasses of drinking water handy for both you and your Domme.
Lubrication is an absolute necessity for a good massage.There are lots of different kinds of massage oils and creams.You may want to purchase a Massage Kit which has all of these items already assembled.Also try Honey Dust which is a smooth edible powder that creates a unique sensation when dusted and massaged on the body.Once again it will come down to personal preference as to the texture and fragrance you prefer. There are two considerations in using an oil based formula for massage.If you are using a condom at some point during the massage don’t use anything with an oil base – oil weakens latex.The second, oil based products can cause vaginal infections in women.Also make sure that any product you use to massage the body does not contain Nonoxynol-9 which will irritate the skin.Always warm the massage lotion before you start the application by warming it in the microwave or placing the bottle in a bowl of warm water.Also apply the lubricant to your hands first and then rub them together before applying the lubricant to your Mistress.Keep the massage lubricants in close proximity to the area where you are giving the massage and replenish often.
Let your partner take a hot bath or shower before the massage starts.This will open the pores and start to loosen up the muscles.Position your Mistress face down first with arms at the side using pillows underneath the ankles and underneath the hip area.Let a sheet or blanket drape over your partners body until you begin the massage and then remove from each area you visit.One of the basic rules of massage is don’t break contact with the skin – once you have started the massage keep connected with your partner at all times.
“The Basic Strokes”
The Glide – long smooth strokes using the entire hand that follows the curves of your Domme’s body.
The Palm – Hands are face down on your partner’s body and using the palms as the pressure points fan out across the body pushing up and then lessening the pressure and coming back to the starting point.
Push Pull – This is done on the sides of the body using both hands – as one hand pushes up the other comes back in a push-pull motion.
The Lift – This is a kneading, lifting stroke with the fingers lifting your partners skin. All Thumbs – This is direct pressure by placing the palm of the hand on your partners body and using only the thumbs pressing against your partners skin and moving in a circular motion.
Put oils/lotions in your hand first and be sure it is warm. Begin with a light rhythmic motion on your partner’s back increasing to deeper, longer strokes.Go slowly and repeat strokes.Use your body weight for pressure rather than arm strength – the massage will last longer.Move from the back to the shoulders using the basic strokes listed above, then arms and hands.Deep strokes on the arms or legs should always be done towards the heart rather than away from it.Watch your partners reactions – stop any thing that causes a grimace.Continue to move to the butt, legs and feet.Now move your partner to a face up and reposition the pillows to the back of the neck and the knee area.Begin with the scalp, face, and then move to the abdomen, chest, arms, legs and top of the feet. Once you have completed all of the body parts it is time to focus on the genitals.
If your are new at massage practice the basic strokes on yourself until you get familiar with them plus it will allow you to understand how they feel and how much pressure you should use.Also purchasing a Massage Sample Kit allows you to work with different lotions and fragrances.
The passing of any bodily fluid or material from one individual to another.
This first and most basic practice includes virtually all sexual activity, therefore, in order to engage in a normal sex life, one must use circumspect caution about what activities are acceptable and with whom.
If you have a lover and have known this person for a protracted period and both of you have reasonable assurances that neither of you have strayed to assignations with outsiders, and if you both take HIV tests regularly (twice a year), then the likelihood that that either of you will infect the other is virtually nil. But, even in this very cautious hypothetical example you still could contract type C hepatitis if your sexplay includes ingestion of feces or vomitus. (For some people it does.) Or, in a less extreme variant, a long dormant herpetic infection might appear and transfer without notice.
The question naturally arises: “What are safe sexual practices?” This is a tricky question to answer. The problem comes from the mounds of legal liability that return to haunt anyone who has the chutzpah to step forward and declare some practice to be safe. There are many lists of do’s and dont’s that are so specific that they can never address the plethora of human sexual experiences. In practice, safety becomes a matter of common sense.
While oral sex, including the swallowing of semen, has lately been considered by many self-appointed authorities to not be a vehicle for HIV, if you spend your days kneeling naked in the men’s room of a porno store taking on all comers, you would be engaging in an unsafe practice. There are people who behave this way and they risk infection from all manner of STD’s as well as other diseases which are transmitted via urine, skin and blood. This leads us to the second unsafe sexual practice:
Engaging in sexual contact with multiple partners and with unknown partners
The numbers will eventually get you. It’s a lottery and you stand a better chance of winning (losing really) if you have 365 entries a year instead of 3 or 4. You need to pick your partners carefully, and what you find out over cocktails in two hours will simply not be enough information. Offering yourself as a Bukkake target in a bath house may sound thrilling as a fantasy, but it brings real dangers along for the reality ride. Of course, you might do stuff like this for years with no adverse results. Some people buy lottery tickets every week and never win either, but odds playing is a form of gambling, and at least in Lotto, you are only out a buck. Next to masturbation, frottage (rubbing someones genitals through the clothing) is the least dangerous activity, although you could get a rash. Lying naked together and manipulating each others genitals is usually OK, but penises get drippy and vaginas get wet and it all rubs off onto you. This may not be a problem unless you have a teeny tiny cut on your skin, or a rash, which then becomes an access point to your circulatory system. Licking and sucking are a major part of sex, and for the most part, healthy saliva and a generous dose of stomach acid will act as a bar to most viruses. If you recently flossed, however, you might have made a gum bleed a little and then, there’s that superhighway again, right into your body. Everything discussed to this point simply requires your judicious screening of the candidate for your sexual fun. It would not be smart to tempt fate by giving head to a guy you just met on the day you had a wisdom tooth extracted. However, most people get to play at least to the oral stage without having to face death, if they are careful.
After this, things get a bit dicey. Deposits into the vagina and into the anal cavity are like injections into your body. These areas are rich in blood vessels and are uniquely equipped to engage in chemical transfers into the bloodstream. The penis is also a blood filled organ that easily suffers friction injuries. Ergo:
Penetrating the vagina and anus without a condom
This is a premier way to transfer any STD. Condoms are cheap, easy to use and do not impede sexual frenzy. In fact, virtually nothing impedes sexual frenzy. Latex and poly condoms protect against HIV, genital herpes, and pregnancy. Natural lambskin condoms (like Fourex Brand) are good only against conception. Their membranes will pass disease. If you are unsure, read the package! Many people engage in the practice of barebacking. It is unsafe, unless you know the history of your partner. Always use a rubber and be (relatively) certain.
Taking anything into your body, by mouth or other orifice, compromises the integrity of your person. We take it so for granted by breathing, drinking, eating all the time, that we are not focused on the idea that we may be poisoned. Poisoning isn’t only the realm of an old witch with a green potion. It can come in the form of a hot load from a hard cock, and be very desirable to you until the full effects are known. Therefore, we come to this last unsafe practice:
Openly engaging in sex without first clutching to your intellect.
Depersonalization and sensory deprivation implies an entire range of BDSM Femdom activities often referred to humiliation. Usually depersonalization means that the Domme orders submissive to perform a role which is considerably different from the submissives role in usual life.
As a rule depersonalization is fulfilled as turning a person into an object for example into a foot stool or an ash-tray. A person can as well be turned into an animal, let us say into a dog or a pony. Many beginners cannot make their mind why Dommes and sub’s use this activity. The information given below will help you to realize what can be attractive about depersonalization. Depersonalization is one aspect of the lifestyle that seems to have no middle ground: I’ve found Dommes who like it and I’ve found Dommes who hate it. My goal isn’t to persuade you one way or the other. It is only to inform and maybe seed you with, your own ideas.
But what can I as a Domme get out of de personalization?
Depersonalization gives the Domme a mean to escalate her role of the Mistress up to the pinnacle of her power and control over her slave. It makes a Domme an absolute owner of her slave by requiring much more submission than usually given Whatever role you have chosen for your submissive (no matter whether you turn him into a pet or an object) gives you an enormous pleasure of feeling your total control over your submissive. Your submissive is deprived of any feelings, of any emotions. He is not a person, he is not even a slave, and he is an object or an animal. He is nothing and he completely belongs to you. You can do with him whatever you want. Isn’t it exciting?
But I’m a submissive, will I get anything ‘good’ out of this experience, I know it will please my Domme, but there more to it?
For a submissive depersonalization means possibility to forget about his social role. A means to slipping out of the role you’ve always had in society. To understand that better we have to think about how your personality looks from the society’s point of view. You might be a young businessman, a boss, a father of two children. But being deprived of your personality you become free of your duties and responsibilities. As a submissive you are stripped of all the trappings that our modern day culture has provided as tools for protection and made to feel extremely vulnerable and helpless. Becoming a “toy” or an animal that has no input or demands is liberating. There’s no concern for “self” and all that remains in focus, is obedience.
Depersonalization makes you another creature, deprived of all your traits. It deprives you of power, of control – at least for some time. Are there Benefits for the Dominant also?
Few of us Dominants would be able (or even desire) to base our relationship entirely on depersonalization alone, since it forces us to divorce our feelings of affection and tenderness toward our submissive. But for the short time period we do, it re enforces the foundation of this lifestyle–the exchange of power.
I suspect that most dominants experience a wide range of “domme-ness”; that is, if you imagine a wide range from least to most dominant, we spend most of our time in the middle (whatever that middle is for you). At times you will be at the far end of the “most dominant” range, though, and need to have an outlet for that. For some, depersonalization can be a beneficial expression of this extreme. It can be particularly difficult for the sub to give up their status as a loving, caring person and become something less than human, no more than property or a piece of furniture. The proper equipment for the scene can be immensely beneficial in helping them become this…it sets up the right frame of mind.
Seeing your submissive wearing this equipment can also be intensely gratifying, visually speaking it symbolizes their ultimate surrender, service to you, and willingness to please you in whatever form you’ve chosen.
This sounds good, I’m a Domme…Do I need to watch out for anything?
If you choose to include depersonalization in your relationship, you should be aware that you may have to resolve emotional issues that crop up.
Guilt: I love my submissive dearly…how can I treat him so indifferently? Society has taught you what relationships are supposed to be, and this certainly isn’t it.
Remorse: Following a session, you may find yourself feeling strangely sorry for having done exactly what you both desired.
Clearly, prior negotiation is essential when it comes to depersonalization. You need to know your submissive well, just how far you can safely go; exactly how much is too much and how much is not enough. Forms of humiliation can be extremely volatile territory because you are probing deeply into the psyche.
To help you both benefit from the experience and resolve emotional conflict, take some time before the scene and afterwards to reinforce your true feelings for your submissive. Reassure them that no matter how you may behave during the scene, it doesn’t reflect your true emotions. Treating them indifferently for a couple hours a month so that you can both deepen your relationship doesn’t mean that you will suddenly begin to do so the other 99.9% of the time.
Will I have trouble as a submissive?
The greatest obstacle that most submissives have to overcome is the loss of their identity. You are no longer the cherished, protected and sometimes-pampered submissive of your Dominant. You are an animal or a thing and this causes quite an internal struggle for some submissives. It’s not easy to give up your sense of identity but when you are able to overcome that obstacle you gain a freedom from self that you’ve never experienced before.
Another mental block is fear. You are vulnerable and made to be very aware of the fact. Loss of control means risk, and unless you have complete trust in your Domme this is going to be one very scary ordeal.
Humiliation is another hurdle for some submissives. The act of becoming a pony or a sex toy is seen as degrading to society and your own social awareness is going to be dragged to the surface for you to deal with. You are no longer sheltered by concern for your comfort or modesty–shyness has no place in a pony’s life. You’ll feel as though your soul has been bared to the world.
This stripping away of the protective shell of your embarrassment and reluctance is a difficult process but the benefits are tremendous. You’ll soon see the things that hinder your submission and surrender to your Domme. The things that prevent you from giving yourself totally will be forced into view and give you the opportunity to vanquish them and find a deeper, richer relationship with the person to whom you’ve hand over the reins.
How can we introduce depersonalization?
Depersonalization might acquire various forms. The only thing can limit you is your fantasy. For some partners a word order is enough, others need use of some BDSM toys and accessories.
The most common equipment used in depersonalization is usually found in the realm of the pony boy. Its design is tailored to bring out deep-hidden emotional responses in the submissive. The first response it evokes in most submissives is humiliation. Starting with the halter and gag, the intent is to remove control from the submissive and give it to the dominant.
Do I need toys to do depersonalization?
Let us see how BDSM toys and accessories are used for depersonalization. To understand BDSM toy’s role in depersonalization games let use the two most used method of depersonalization.
Pony play implies that the Domme is a master of a pony – her submissive.
By incorporating toys in this game you emphasize roles you perform and make it easier to begin playing your roles. By wearing a riding suit the Domme does not only change her clothes – she forgets about your usual role and begin playing role of owner of your pony.
This does not only make the scene more real. This lets the submissive know he must be completely obedient to his Mistress.
The Mistress chooses what costume her Submissive should wear. He puts on his submissive the costume hence making it easier to the partner to turn from simple submissive into an object which has neither voice nor his own personality.
In this case the submissive might wear harness and a butt plug with pony tail on its end. You can choose whatever BDSM toy or accessory you want. You can whip up your pony with a crop you might have your pony blind if you wish by making it wear a mask actually you can do whatever you want, everything depends on your fantasy. Of course, you might do without any BDSM toys; however these will considerably adorn your play and will make it much more real.
We don’t have toys?
In this game the submissive is no more than an object you put under your feet. Your submissive is a simple foot stool. When playing an object the submissives head and limbs can be completely restrained. Helplessness frees mind of perception of outside events including sensory stimulus. Here again BDSM toys and accessories are going to be of good help, but can be improvised. A simple case as a hood, stockings can be used for ties and binds. Look around your home, you’ll find many things you can convert. You could also have a look in our craft section for many interesting ideas.
Handcuffs, spreader bars, hoods, masks, mittens – all these BDSM toys are going to make the submissive completely helpless. He has nothing but to enjoy his sensations. He is deprived of control, he is not responsible for what is happening and he can give his Mistress pleasure as well as to enjoy pleasure he is receiving.
These are only possible examples. Do not limit yourself, make up your own games and scenes and enjoy them! Depersonalization is one of the more advanced practices that we see in our lifestyle. It’s not for everyone. I’ve no doubt this topic has brought strong feelings at both ends of the spectrum. Keep in mind that limits, by their very nature, are things that tend to expand as our relationship with our partner grows. I recall a time not too very long ago when the idea of depersonalization wasn’t of any interest me.
Perhaps you are ready to add this to your relationship. Others of you are not ready for it yet, and still others never will be. I hope I’ve been able to at least shed some light on why some find the practice beneficial and what its attraction is.