The phallic playthings dangle along the back wall of Lovers. Lined up on a shelf, their sparkly glitter insides shine through the thick layer of packaging, but something more sinister is also lurking in the sexy line up of jelly rubber dildos, vibrators and anal beads.
MissBonnie
You’re probably hearing or reading a lot lately about jelly-rubber sex toys and their health risks. While they are usually less expensive and many people like the silky feel and flesh-like responsiveness of these toys, you should be very aware of the down-side. Ongoing studies have shown that there are genuine concerns with using these items. Jelly-rubber contains phthalates. (Thall-ates), are porous, and extremely difficult to properly clean after use. Most experts recommend using condom or condom-like coverings over phthalate-based sex toys.
Without getting too technical, phthalates are chemical compounds used to increase flexibility. They’re used to turn hard plastic into what’s described as jelly-rubber. One of the first indications that this is an unstable combination came about when after repeated use, people noticed their sex toys made of this substance began to fragment and discolor after only a few months. Another problem is that jelly-rubber is porous. That means fluids and bacteria can be absorbed and transmitted through toy use. In other words, jelly-rubber sex toys can be “carriers” of STDs and other harmful diseases and health conditions. Still another issue is that jelly-rubber sex toys are mass produced — like “cheap novelties” — in countries which often have very lax manufacturing codes and inspection conditions.
Most sex toy manufacturers and retailers have responded to these serious concerns by emphasizing their non-phthalate based products and producing educational materials about the dangers inherent in jelly-rubber items. No official regulations, however, have been adopted to prevent the sale of phthalate-based toys, so it’s still a buyer beware situation. Other porous and phthalate-based materials used in sex toys include Cyberskin and soft vinyl. Elastomer, while phthalate-free, is semi-porous and cannot be adequately cleaned. Even silicone mix products may contain phthalates. All of these items should be covered by a condom when used.
Does this mean you should immediately throw out all your phthalate-based sex toys?
Not necessarily. It DOES mean that you should be aware of the risks involved and that your ’safe sex’ practices should include replacing them when they begin to show ‘use fatigue’ and always covering them with a condom when in use.
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information.
There is a lot of pressure to be sexual in the “right” way, and some people feel like they should use a vibrator. The fact is that you can have an incredible sex life without vibrators or sex toys at all. That said, using vibrators is a completely healthy (and potentially pleasure inducing) way to explore your sexuality.
There are as many reasons to use a vibrator as there are reasons to feel good. Here are some of the most common reasons people play with vibrators:
Curiosity:Sexual curiosity is healthy; wanting to try a vibrator is reason enough to try one.
Self-discovery: Particularly for those of us who have never been given the opportunity or permission to explore being sexual, vibrators can be a great way to explore your body. When using a vibrator by yourself you can start exploring yourself, your sensations (both physical and emotional) and reactions in a relatively safe environment.
To “spice up” a long term sexual relationship:Vibrators can shake things up (literally and figuratively) in a long term relationship if sex has become routine or exploration has fizzled out.
To experience orgasm for the first time: For many people, especially women, who never or rarely experience orgasm, vibration can be the fastest and easiest way to discover their orgasmic potential.
For extra stimulation that you can’t add on your own:Many people aren’t able to stimulate themselves the way they want to.
Chronic ‘bad styled’ pain, disability, and fatigue don’t stop you from feeling pleasure, but vibrators can sometimes make it easier to get there.
For fun:For the most part the reason we all use, or consider using, vibrators is the same: because it’s pleasurable. Pleasure, however you define it, is pretty close to a universal desire
Pressure:This is NOT a good reason to use toys, but it’s why some people do.
»»Whether your partner is well meaning or not, if you’re being pressured to try using a vibrator it won’t work, and it shows a lack of respect of your boundaries. Vibrators are ultimately about feeling pleasure, and you can’t force someone to experience pleasure, because experiencing pleasure is in some ways an expression of free will. Everyone has the right to say no to using a vibrator, just as we all have the right to say no to any kind of sex play at any time.MissBonnie
The increasing visibility of vibrators in mainstream media, and in retail stores that don’t specialize in sex toys is bringing some people to my door asking the question, how many people really use vibrators?
Until recently there hasn’t been much reliable research on vibrator use. The people who collect most of the information about vibrator use tend to be, not surprisingly, the people who are trying to sell us more vibrators. These surveys are always tied to some form of marketing and methodologies are rarely described in detail.
In 2009 Michael Reece and Debra Herbenick, along with colleagues at Indiana University published to surveys of vibrator use which offered a much more reliable and detailed look into the hows and whys of vibrator use. Their findings are below. Beneath their findings I’ve included the numbers from earlier research some of which amounts to no more than marketing material but others represent serious study on vibrator use.
Overall Reece and Herbenick found that just under 50% of respondents reported using a vibrator at some point, with slightly more women (52%) than men (45%) reporting vibrator use.
When Do You Use Vibrators?
Women reported using vibrators most during masturbation (46%) and least during intercourse (37%). Men were most likely to use vibrators with a partner during “sex play or foreplay” (40%). Only 17% of men reported using a vibrator for masturbation. The paper on men reported on reasons for first using a vibrator, and the most common one men gave (67%) was “for fun”. 40% of men said they used one to help a partner with orgasms, and 7% said they used it to help themselves to have an orgasm.
Vibrator Use and Sexual Function
The researchers compared vibrator users and non-vibrator users on several measures of sexual functioning (asking questions about things like erectile function, intercourse satisfaction, pain, orgasm, lubrication, and sexual desire). Overall men and women who used vibrators reported fewer problems with sexual function. And people who used vibrators more recently (the past month) responded to surveys in a way that indicated fewer problems with sexual function.
Vibrator Use and Other Healthy Behaviors
Both men and women who use vibrators were more likely to do things that indicate a comfort with their bodies and an interest in taking care of themselves. Women who had ever used a vibrator were more likely than those who had never used a vibrator to have had a gynecologic exam in the past year and performed a genital self-examine in the past month. Men who reported performing testicular self-exams within the past moth were more likely to have used a vibrator.
Sex Toy Cleaning
The good news is that the majority of men and women do clean their vibrators. The bad news is that some don’t (20% of men and 14% of women report never cleaning their toys). Of those who do clean, habits could still improve. 60% of women and 53% of men report cleaning their toy before and after use, with the rest either cleaning before or after. It’s not clear if they asked this, but what I’d be most interested in knowing is whether or not they cleaned the toy before first use, something that I think a lot of people overlook but it important considering the serious lack of hygiene in most sex toy factories.
Side Effects of Vibrator Use
The researchers only reported on women’s responses to questions about negative side effects of vibrator use. They asked women about genital numbness, pain, irritation, swelling (the bad kind) and tears or cuts. Here are the findings:
71.5% of women never experienced any side effects.
16% reported numbness
3% reported pain
10% reported irritation
8% reported swelling
1% reported tears or cuts
In all cases, those who reported negative side effects judged them to be relatively short lived and minor in severity.
How Common Is Vibrator Use
Previous to 2009 most statistics suggested between 20-27% of people had used a vibrator at some point in their lives. Some examples of survey research include:
In Shere Hite’s famous survey (1976), only 1% of respondents said they had ever used a vibrator
In a 2006 Elle/MSNBC.com survey 40% of respondents said they had used a vibrator.
In a 1996 survey of Swedish women aged 18 to 74, 19% of respondents said they had used a sex toy by themselves, and 15% said they had used a sex toy with a partner.
Younger repondents were more likely to have used a sex toy, with 30% of women 25 to 34 reporting having used a sex toy.
Age of First Vibrator Use
Two surveys that have asked this got very similar results:
15 to 17% were under 20 years old when they first tried a vibrator
50% were in their 20s
22 to 27% were in their 30s
8 to 10% were 40 and older
Vibrator Use by Gender
In the two surveys that compared vibrator use between men and women, women were more likely to use vibrators:
One study found that 33% of female respondents versus 20% of male respondents used vibrators
Another study found that the numbers were 24% for women and 21% for men.
What else about people who use vibrators?
Here are some random statistics from the surveys listed below:
Most studies found that vibrator users were overwhelmingly white.
Most studies found that vibrator users were predominantly in their thirties.
According to Xandria Collection’s Toys in the Sheets survey, the most common vibrator user was a white Christian married woman, in her thirties, who votes Republican.
According to the Durex global sex survey Australia has the highest vibrator use reported (46%) and India has the lowest (3%). The US is up there at 45%.
Women in relationships are more likely to use a vibrator than women who are single.
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information. Sources: 1.Berman Center/Drugstore.com survey “The Health Benefits of Sexual Aids & Devices: A Comprehensive Study of their Relationship to Satisfaction and Quality of Life. Unpublished, 2004. 2.Castleman, M. & Lawrence Research Group. Toys in the Sheets. 1999. Accessed on Xandria.com September 12, 2006. 3.Davis, Clive M.; Blank, Joani; Lin, Hung-Yu. “Characteristics of Vibrator Use Among Women.” The Journal of Sex Research Vol. 33, No. 4 (1996). 4.Elle/MSNBC.com reader sex survey, 2006. Accessed on MSNBC.com, September 12, 2006. 5.Fugl-Meyer, K.S., Öberg, K., Lundberg,P.O., et al. “On Orgasm, Sexual Techniques, and Erotic Perceptions in 18- to 74-Year-Old Swedish Women” Journal of Sexual Medicine Volume 3, No. 1, (2006):56-68. 6.Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Sanders, S.A., et. al. “Prevalence and Characteristics of Vibrator Use by Women in the United States: Results from a Nationally Representative Study” Journal of Sexual Medicine Early View, Date: June 2009. Accessed June 1, 2009. 7.Hite, S. The Hite Report New York: Macmillan, 1976. 8.Levin, R. J., & Levin, A. Sexual Pleasure: The Surprising Preferences of 100,000 Women. Redbook Magazine, September, 1975. 9.Reece, M., Herbenick, D., Sanders, S.A., et. al. “Prevalence and Characteristics of Vibrator Use by Men in the United States” Journal of Sexual Medicine Early View, Date: May 2009. Accessed May 31, 2009. 10.Wolfe, L. The Cosmo Report. New York: Arbor House, 1981.
A condition called Female Hysteria and lazy doctors: is the short reply:
Until it was finally laid to rest the mid-20th century, female hysteria was a favored diagnosis for physicians for a litany of symptoms. As you’d guess from its vernacular, female hysteria was a condition which afflicted women exclusively. Symptoms of this dread disease included anxiety, crying fits, surliness, faintness, nervousness, insomnia, fluid retention, heaviness in the abdomen, muscle spasms, shortness of breath, irritability and a loss of appetite for food. and any behavior that a Victorian-era husband would find improper from his wife. In 1859, it was claimed that a quarter of all women suffered from hysteria. This number makes sense if you consider that there was a 75-page catalog with possible symptoms, and that this list was seen as incomplete.
Dating from Plato’s dialogs, female hysteria was assumed to be caused by the womb roving around within a woman’s body, mucking up the works. Galen, famed physician of the 2nd century, was the first to trip onto the notion that this might have something to do with female sexual satisfaction. He noted that deprivation of orgasm among healthy women brought on classic female hysteria symptoms, noting that pelvic massage often brought about beneficial results in the patient.
Not a big surprise; a good orgasm can do wonders for your day: MissBitch
Early treatments for female hysteria revolved around female hysteria massage; allowing the patient to achieve female sexual satisfaction was the goal of pelvic massage, but such blunt talk about orgasm wasn’t bandied about in a proper gentlemanly doctor’s office. By performing an effective female hysteria massage manually, the physician would bring his patient to orgasm, and the dreaded malady would be kept at bay—until it was time for the next treatment. Female hysteria was a gold mine. It wasn’t fatal, and early treatments for female hysteria such as pelvic massage had to be repeated frequently for the good of the patient. Still, achieving female sexual satisfaction through a pelvic massage performed by hand might be all fine and good for the patient, but it was a time-consuming process for doctors. A proper female hysteria massage required quite a bit of stamina as well. There had to be a better procedure to add to the early treatments for female hysteria—one that was effective in bringing the patient to orgasm and one that could do the job quickly and easily.
The solution? Vibrators
The earliest vibrators were a far cry from the sleek, streamlined sex toys commonplace in the bedroom today. These truly monstrous devices, they weren’t anything that women would be likely to turn to for female sexual satisfaction today. There were hydrotherapeutic models that dispensed huge jets of water aimed straight toward the clitoris at an alarming rate, but they were guaranteed by their manufacturers to offer all of the therapeutic benefits of a manual pelvic massage in a fraction of the time.
As long as the patient didn’t mind looking like a drowned rat following the treatment, all was good.
MissBonnie
plain and simple the modern vibrators were created as labor-saving devices for the treatment of female hysteria. To the Victorian-era male, women were frail, flighty creatures, subject to strange mental and emotional afflictions. The treatment was pelvic massage to induce orgasm, and many physicians found it strenuous and unnecessarily time-consuming. Surely there was a less strenuous way
You’ve got to use your hand to bring a woman to orgasm? Horrors. Oh you poor, poor boy!
MissBitch
Enterprising engineers came to the rescue with vibrators.
George Taylor’s steam powered vibrators were perhaps the first patented mechanical vibrating devices. The first electromechanical vibrator was designed in 1880 by a British physician, Joseph Mortimer Granville. Although his model more closely resembled what we think of as a vibrator, Granville did not support the use of vibrating devices for inducing female orgasm. He intended it to be used to massage male skeletal muscles.
However, the technology proved to be completely adaptable.
Then, in 1902, the American company Hamilton Beach patented the first electric vibrator available for retail sale, making the vibrator the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified, after the sewing machine, fan, tea kettle, and toaster, and about a decade before the vacuum cleaner and electric iron.
Advertisements for electric vibrators and battery vibrators were common within the pages of contemporary women’s magazines such as Needlecraft, Woman’s Home Companion, Modern Priscilla. Vibrators were marketed as therapeutic aids, and no mention of the sexually stimulating properties of the new electric vibrators and battery vibrators were mentioned in the advertising copy. Still, while many men still clung to beliefs that women were above sexual desires and feelings, women of the era eagerly used the many types of vibrators available to experience what they weren’t getting from their marriages.
Vibrators’ time in the sun came to a crashing halt with the widespread distribution of stag films in the 1920s. The frequent appearances of many types of vibrators in the explicit action stigmatized vibrators, which were now associated with loose morals. Electric vibrators and battery vibrators disappeared from mainstream America for around four decades.
Then came the sexual revolution of the 1960s. Vibrators made their way into adult bookstores, electric vibrators and battery vibrators were sold through mail-order outlets, and as time passed and sex toys became relatively mainstream, various and sundry types of vibrators became readily available and the sheer breadth and variety of their functions expanded dramatically. Sex toy consumers can choose from the traditional phallic vibrators, dual-action vibrators which concurrently stimulate the vagina and clitoris, g-spot vibrators to reach and stimulate the g-spot reliably, p-spot vibrators to perform the same function for the prostate, and discrete vibrators that look anything like a sex toy. Today’s vibrators can be set to any speed and intensity the user might desire, and almost all types of vibrators have remote control capability. Because we consumer giants just love anything and everything remote controlled, especially if the remote has a zillion buttons. Vibrators have regained their day in the sun, and we seem to be a lot happier for it
Where can I see or buy antique vibrators?
The Antique Vibrator and Quack Medical Museum is a private collection that can be viewed online. Antique vibrators are often on sale on eBay, and may be available through antique dealers who trade in small appliances.
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information.
Maybe you’re planning a romantic weekend, or perhaps you’re going on a long business trip. Either way, if you’re flying, you’ll want to make sure you pack your sex toys well to avoid embarrassing situations.
Exercise Caution
When choosing the perfect sex toy to bring, keep in mind the potential for it to look like something sinister. A vibrator that could be mistaken for a hand gun, for example, is not the best item to pack for an airplane trip.
How do you pack sex toys?
To every traveler to US the current TSA regulations introduced several restrictions on Liquids and Gels in carry-on due to the current threads. Basically, such items as personal lubricants (KY-Jelly) are allowed on board. You should declare these items to Security Officers at the security checkpoint and they also will be inspected by X-ray.
Sex toys like dildos and vibrators are allowed so don‛t worry about it. But you should take some measures to go through the security checkpoint. Electronic devices are required to be removed from the luggage and put into tray before it will be x-rayed.
For BDSM items there are some more precautions to take. Generally, sharp objects like knifes, needles or other cutting objects are not permitted. Make the first thing you pack your self-assurance. It’s reasonable — and expected — that airlines will be alert for questionable items. But as Good Vibes’ staff sexologist Dr. Carol Queen states, “it is highly inappropriate, and potentially an act of sexual harassment, for an airline staffer to make a public issue of finding an intimate object in a customer’s bag.”
What if it were a pack of tampons they were examining? You have just as much right to have a dildo in your luggage as you do any personal care item; it is not dangerous, and it is improper for anyone to make it public. Remember that airport and airline personnel are engaging in harassment should they humiliate anyone in regards to sexual matters — be it for condoms, tampons or a strap-on harness in your baggage.
First off, remove the batteries. Even if you think your vibrator is hard to turn on, a little shifting of the contents of your luggage could knock the control to the ON position. You don’t want to explain vibrating luggage to security
Put your vibrators in clear plastic baggies. Airport personnel routinely go through luggage. They wear plastic gloves, but you don’t want those gloves, which have been touching everyone else’s items, to touch your sex toys. Do the employees and yourself a favor by putting each item in a clear plastic zip baggie. This will keep everything clean and hygienic.
Place your vibrators in your checked luggage.
This just removes you from the situation a little bit. If you bring a vibrator in your carry-on luggage, you’re asking for an embarrassing situation. Security can search your bag at any time–it’s probably happened to you already. They may not take your toy away, but you might feel a little violated. You never know if a man or woman officer will be looking through your bag. Be confident while passing through checkpoint. Keep in mind that you cannot prevent security officers from doing their job. The only thought of someone taking out a phallus shaped in front of everyone can embarrass and scare you to reject the idea of taking your sex toys. However, keeping to general tips is enough to make this procedure as easy as possible.
Tell the officers in advance. One of the best things to do is to ask them to check your bag privately. Airport employees are well familiar with the situations that may evoke embarrassment and are supposed to be neutral to any sensitive item they find. However, saying in advance about your luggage content will save you unnecessary problems.
Be honest. If you finally got into situation where you are asked to explain the origin of your device, the best policy would be honesty. The direct and confident answer “it‛s a sex toy” is the most disarming strategy to finish the procedure fast. Acting nervous or unsure may raise suspicions and that is not what you really need. You might choose to mention that you have a personal item. Anyway even if there would be any inappropriate remarks, you have a right to mention that respect and unbiased approach is also good things to keep to.
Finally, use discretion in what you bring with you. It’s better to bring an inexpensive bullet vibrator or disposable penis ring on a trip than to bring your top-of-the-line rechargeable vibrators. This way, if any of your items are confiscated, you won’t risk losing your favorites.
It’s probably better to leave it in your checked luggage than have to mumble something about it being “a medical device” or wing a lame excuse about a “joke gift for a friend.” Whatever you do, don’t offer a demonstration – that will probably land you on the “no fly” list.
If you think you can beat the system by carrying your sex toys on your person, you might want to think again. Of course, you’ll have to empty your pockets of anything metal and put the contents in a tray, and anything battery-powered like a vibe will be subject to extra scrutiny. Attempting to wear a strap-on through security is risky as well. The bulge in your crotch is likely to draw attention anyway, and if the harness has any metal rivets or buckles, it will set off the metal detector, and you’ll be pulled aside for a pat-down. Likewise for any wearable clit vibrators. The one exception here might be a non-vibrating butt plug, inserted ahead of time. If you enjoy wearing a plug in public, it could help alleviate the tedium of a dull flight and long lines in the terminal. For any further questions on air travel luggage etiquette, please visit the Transportation Security Administration’s webpage.
Send Them In The Mail-
If you have time, you could also try mailing your toys to the address of your hideaway and have them held for your arrival. However, be aware that if you are traveling outside the country the toys may be confiscated by customs and for goodness sake, make sure to take the batteries out if you do mail them or you may have an International scandal on your hands!
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information.
I would like to build this page as a on going resource, any links you feel would be of use please feel free to send them to me… collarncuffs@collarncuffs.com sites and services such as the below are sorely needed in our BDSM/Femdom community. MissBonnie
Books:
John R. Killacky and Bob Guter. Queer Crips: “Explore the Challenges Facing People who are Both Disabled and Queer.” Haworth Press, Binghamton, 2003
Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette. The Ultimate Guide To Sex and Disability. Cleis Press San Francisco, 2003
Ken Kroll and Erica Klein. Enabling Romance. No Limits Communications. Horsham, 1992.
Romel W. Mackelprang and Deborah Valentine. Sexuality and Disabilities. Haworth Press, Binghamton, 1996
Cross-disability websites:
www.Kinked.org This is a site orientated for those that have disabilities that practice or incorporate BDSM into their lives, or live an alternative or kinky lifestyle. The site aim is too provide a home for those that have disabilities to network, share, hang out, learn, and help folks know that just because you might have a disability – it doesn’t mean that you can’t live or practice BDSM, be kinky, or live an alternative lifestyle.
Disabilities don’t mean you are less of a dominant/top or a submissive/slave/bottom – it simply means that you must learn to work around and find a different way to do some things.
they will NOT focus on disabilities being a negative thing , but to show there is a positive side, and celebrate what we CAN achieve, over and around our limitations of the flesh.
Join them, make yourself at home, and find friends, share your experiences and what you’ve learned, and most of all, have fun!
P.S. This is NOT a site meant for pretenders/wannabes that have a fetish of pretending they have a disability or those with the fetish of being an amputee, being disabled or being an invalid. We aren’t saying that isn’t a valid fetish – simply that this site is for those that have no choice in handling their disability in their lives. If you are looking for a site that discusses the fetish of being an invalid, amputee, or a being disabled, please try www.theFetishForums.com – as they have a board specifically for those fetishes.
www.sexualhealth.com – general info on sexuality and disability
www.gimpsex.org – goal to challenge sexuality and disability myths
www.aacsafeguarding.ca/resources-sex&physical_dis.htm – resources list of books and videos including keywords and comments
www.dawn.thot.net/disability_sexuality.html -disabled women’s network of Ontario
www.disabled.gr/sexuality.html – great list of links for toys, resources, sites…
www.comeasyouare.com/index.cfm?&FA=Info.Disability_Resources – great links
www.wheelchairsonthego.com/bookstore/recreation.html – guides to Wheel Chair Dancing when one partner is in a wheelchair
Disability-specific websites:
www.mssociety.ca/en/information/mseffects.htm#e4 – MS and sexuality
www.cysticfibrosis.ca/page.asp?id=200 – Cystic Fibrosis and sexuality for both adults and teens
www.deafqueer.org – not specifically about sex but a great site for the GLBT deaf community
www.scisexualhealth.com – sexual and reproductive health post spinal cord injury
www.roeher.ca – resources on intellectual disability, including sexuality
www.4woman.gov/wwd/wwd.cfm?page=80 – women, sexuality and disability
www.homepages.enterprise.net/wheelie/ – nude self-portraits of male with disability
www.thearc.org/faqs/sexlove.html – review of book “Couples With Intellectual Disabilities Talk About Living and Loving” “There’s nothing as unimaginative as popular culture when it comes to sex. If any group can break that stranglehold, it’s the disability community.” -Lisa Tarricone, “Sex and Disabilities”
www.venusenvy.ca Venus Envy is an education oriented sex shop and bookstore. Their goal is to provide women and their partners a respectful (and fun!) place where they can find toys and tools to explore their gender and sexuality. We believe that one of the best tools you can have to enjoy a healthy and erotic sex life is knowledge. To that end, we’ve developed a series of pamphlets. They are based on our workshops and on the information sheets displayed in our stores. We want to make positive sex information available to everybody! Our pamphlet series covers many aspects of sex, sexuality, health and relationships. They are always evolving, with new topics being added all the time. We welcome any comments and suggestions that you may have.
Disability is a word we don’t usually find alongside notions of healthy, exciting, functioning sexuality. This omission fails to acknowledge the fact that people with disabilities not only have sex but have diverse and healthy sexual desires and interests. The sexual issues and interests of people with disabilities vary widely according to an individual’s lifestyle, orientation, interests, and identity. They also vary according to the given disability, which may be physical, intellectual, psychiatric, visual, hearing, or otherwise. What unites all this rich diversity is the fact that all people, including people with disabilities, have the right to experience and express their sexuality in an affirming and empowering way, without stigma or barriers. Unfortunately, people with disabilities face many oppressive stereotypes when it comes to their sexuality, including assumptions that they may be nonsexual, asexual, infertile, sexually deviant and/or unsexy. These attitudes are hurtful, false and oppressive to both people with disabilities and those who love them. Besides these attitudinal barriers, people with disabilities also face more concrete barriers when it comes to experiencing and expressing their sexuality, which may include a lack of privacy from families and/or caregivers, high rates of sexual abuse, physical inaccessibility that prevents access to sexually affirming spaces, and high rates of unemployment resulting in a lack of money to go out, purchase books or sex toys, have access to the internet etc.
These attitudinal and concrete barriers stem from many complex socio-political factors that are far too complex to explore in greater depth here. What we can do, however, is provide a launching point for affirming and sharing a world of sexuality and disability with everyone out there. This collection of information and resources includes some great tips, advice on adaptive toys, and recommended books and websites, all intended to promote knowledge, understanding, creativity, affirmation and fun. Below you will find a basic introduction to sex toys and some ideas for modifying toys to better suit your needs. Pick up one of our many other free publications to find out more about specific types of play.
Why sex toys?
Toys offer lots of variety, in many ways, since there are speeds, colors, lengths and textures for just about every taste. They can also bring another kind of fun and adventure into sex. And for people with short fingers, repetitive strain injury, reduced grip or mobility or decreased genital sensation, toys can help reach that extra half-inch or last those important few seconds longer.
Adapting toys to work for you can be very simple. Using a pair of snug underwear can make a vibrating bullet a hands-free friend. Or a larger vibrator such as the “Hitachi Magic Wand” could be laid on top of you for easy stimulation. For men, a hands-free choice may be a micro vibe cock ring that fits around the base of the penis or the penis and testicles. See our page on cock rings for more info. Duct tape can be used to attach a longer handle to a shorter toy, or to tape a vibrator to your underwear. A long handled toy that we like a lot is the “Slim G Vibe”. It’s multi-speed and works for either external or internal play, for both men and women. A vibe that’s built to be easy to hang onto such as the “Fuzuoku” might work but only comes in one speed so that may be limiting.
Vibration may be great for one person but many people enjoy penetration without vibration and opt for a dildo or a butt plug. Using a dildo, hands-free is made a lot easier if it has a base. Try using duct tape to attach the dildo to a chair or other heavy object. You can purchase a harness that’s built to wrap around a thigh or a chair and use the dildo with that. Butt plugs are great too as they offer lots of gentle stimulation without the need to push them in and out constantly. There is much to know about sex and toys and this pamphlet is a very brief introduction to both.
CyberSkin® is unquestionably the most realistic material on the market. Quickly warming to body temperature and mimicking the elasticity and softness of human flesh, CyberSkin® has the amazing look and feel of real skin. This material in its many shapes and forms is a stunning replication of the human composition.
Flexible, spring-like bonds promoting a unique skin-like texture, memory recovery, resiliency and flexibility.
In the physical make-up of CyberSkin®, the atoms bond with high resiliency. This means that the atomic memory of CyberSkin® allows the product to be malleable, like real flesh, as well as instantly recover to its original shape. Because it is created to retain its shape, the CyberSkin® product can last a lifetime with reasonable care and maintenance, always delivering high performance and realistic feel. Also, with the added revolutionary molding process of Dual Density®, CyberSkin® products can simulate the softness of skin and the rigidity of erectile tissue and/or bone. In manufacturing, the molding machines use computerized injection that enables varying densities of CyberSkin® to be strategically placed throughout the product. This means that in a product shaped like a vagina, you can actually feel the softness of vaginal lips and the hardness of pubic bone. And in a penis, you can feel the softness of skin with the rigidity of erectile tissue, creating the most realistic sex accessory.
CyberSkin® Care Instructions
Wash after each use with liquid anti-bacterial soap and water
Pat dry with soft, cotton towel and allow to air dry completely
To properly maintain your CyberSkin® product, generously apply Renew to restore the original soft, non-sticky texture
Keep CyberSkin® toys separate from other toys when not in use
Store CyberSkin® in a plastic bag with a small amount of Renew in a cool, dry place
WARNING:
DO NOT use mineral oil or oil based products as a lubricant as it may cause deterioration of CyberSkin®. Water-based lubricants or climax® brand Silicone lubricants are ideal. If any other lubricant is used, clean toy immediately after use to prevent deterioration. Add Renew to extend the life of the toy.
Article: Contactcyberskin.com for further information
Our bondage and Femdom sex toys bring us so much enjoyment. The better we look after for them, the longer they’ll give us pleasure. The following are some techniques to keep your toys in tip top condition
CLEANING BONDAGE SEX TOYS, USED FOR MONOGAMOUS
All sex toys should be cleaned periodically even if they don’t come into contact with bodily fluids. Even something as simple as blindfolds should be cleaned. Makeup and eye goop can get on it and that can be transferred to another person or infect the same person’s eye if there’s too much build up.
METAL
Metal devices (clamps, handcuffs and some vibrators) are washed with hot water and antibacterial soap (in order to prevent rusting) and dried with a clean towel.
BATTERY OPERATED TOYS
Sex toys which run on batteries should never be dipped in water, because water is very likely to damage the device. The fact is that the breakage is not always noticeable and at the same time it really can cause very severe consequences, up to electric shock. To remove dirt from microscopic chinks and holes on the device’s surface use a soft brush, for example a toothbrush or a soft brush for nails cleaning.
RUB, SILICONE, AND PLASTIC
Sex toys made of rub (soft skin), silicone and plastic must be washed in the same way, but these materials require more delicacy. Dry them in the open air, rather than with a towel. Silicone is the easiest to clean. Silicone is resistant to heat. You can clean them in different ways : one way is to boil your toys for 2 to 3 minutes in plain water. -If you have a dishwasher, you can wash SILICONE toys in there also. Warm water and a soft soap will also do the trick (do not use corrosive soaps, use gentle soaps.) To make cleaning of sex toys which are supposed to be inserted inside the body (dildos, vibrators, plugs) easier put the condom on these devices every time you use them. Never talc devices made of soft synthetic materials. (talc powder has been linked to cervical cancer).
VINYL, TRUESKIN CYBERASKIN AND JELLY
these toys are less resistant than silicone toys, we recommend: Warm Water and a soft soap (Do NOT boil ! or use HOT water)
LEATHER
Just as there are all kinds of leather, there are all kinds of ‘cleaning’ so what is good for one may not be needed for another item. With leather to be especially careful with is suede. Don’t get it wet! It will ‘mat’ down easily. There are brass brushes made to bring the nape up, but it is never quite the same again.
On smooth leather I use Saddle soap for general cleaning. First I wipe the leather down with a damp cloth. Removing all loose surface dirt. Then I use a shaving brush to work up a lather (I prefer the solid saddle soap over the liquid). I swirl this into the leather, then while it is still damp, I wipe it off. Repeat, only this time let it dry all the way. Later brush it off with a shoe brush. This is good cleaning and conditioning for most smooth leathers. For added conditioning, I like Fiebings, “Care-4”. I think it is better and cheaper than Lexol. Smells better too! I use a spray bottle to put it on. Working it in, by bare hand rubbing. Then, after a few minutes, wipe off any excess. Later buff it with a brush or hand rub with soft cloth
WOOD
Sex toys made of wood are more difficult to clean and to take care for. Paddles and other similar devices are often provided with a water-repelling coating to prevent the wood from bacteria penetration. Such surfaces are easily cleaned with a soft fabric, hot water and antibacterial soap. Then these sex toys must be properly dried. Alternatively they can be washed with a disinfectant. But wood is a porous material, therefore the disinfectant will inevitably soak into the device. As the result the remainders of the disinfectant will activate when the surface gets wet ( such as sweat, vaginal/seminal fluids). This can cause skin irritation. Therefore you had better throw the toys away as soon as they get dirty and buy new ones. These sex toys are not expensive and can be easily purchased.
All devices should be dried in the sun for a better disinfection. Before putting the toys away for storage make sure they are completely dry. Remove the batteries and keep them separately. All sex toys must be kept in a cold dry place. To protect the toys against dust, put each device into a special case. Metal sex toys should be kept in small bags made of a soft fabric, for example velvet. Keep clamps separately in order to prevent damaging of other sex toys. Make sure a device is not damaged every time you are going to use it. Never use a toy if you are not sure it is safe to use. Proper cleaning and care will make your toys serve you long.
If you’re sharing your sex toys with a few people and it comes into contact with bodily fluids, make sure it is cleaned and disinfected before it comes into contact with a new person. If you plan to play with more then more one person, you should have separate toys for each person. That’s the safest, label each toy to keep track of who’s who. Remember, this is all part of being a responsible sexually active adult.
If you plan to insert any part of the sex toy (handle of whip or paddle, etc.) into your partner’s orifice, cover it with a condom. It is also recommended by some health sites such as aids foundation say a 10% dilution of bleach will suffice to kill the Aides bacteria.bleach is one of the ideal sterilizing agents for the control of pathogenic organisms (i.e., germs, viruses like AIDS and bacteria that make us sick). It’s commonly available, not very expensive, and most laboratory studies have indicated that a soak in a 10% solution of bleach (9 parts water to 1 part bleach) for 10 or 15 minutes will reliably kill the AIDS virus.
However, at least one study has suggested that some disease organisms may survive a rinse in 10% bleach solution, particularly if the soaking isn’t long enough. In addition, most of the laboratory studies have been applied primarily to less porous and degradable substances than leather – most specifically to shared drug syringes.
Scientists are definitely aware that sex and shared needles are common vectors of transmissions (ways people get sick) for the AIDS virus. They are much less commonly aware of the special issues around leather and what we do with it in the BDSM community, and it is important to look at their study results carefully if we want to better understand our risks.
Leather has some issues and problems all its own, and it is not (as far as I know) a specific subject of any of the studies done on the survivability of the AIDS virus. It doesn’t stand up very well to extended or repeated soaks in bleach water, which creates some special questions and potential problems for us since we do use leather toys which have the potential to break skin and which may be used on more than one person. Most leather toys can be cleaned with soap and warm water, although leather toys need additional cleansing and reconditioning so the leather doesn’t get ruined. Using a mixture of 70% rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide will disinfect and kill bacteria on leather, that soap and water may not get to. Soak the parts that came into contact with bodily fluids and let stand and few minutes. Rinse and dry thoroughly. Then use a leather conditioner to revitalize your toy. Alternatively Leather toys, especially expensive ones such as floggers, are much more difficult to adequately clean if they are exposed to potentially infectious body fluids. Bleach will damage leather fairly quickly, though your leather toys will last longer if professional leather care solutions are used in addition to the bleach solution. Purchase leather care and conditioning products at saddle and tack shops or retail leather clothing outlets, and make sure you have the right one for the type of leather that was used to make your toy.
Depending on its weight and manufacture, some leather will actually survive one autoclaving, but some won’t, and it’s an expensive proposition to find out which is which. I doubt any leather could survive repeated autoclaving. (Hint: rawhide *definitely* does not make it, and dyes fade.)
More leather-friendly (but much more expensive) alternatives to bleach or boiling, a hospital sterilizing wash, or another full spectrum viricide/antiseptic, sometimes in combination with an extended period of being left dry and unused as an additional precaution.
Some experiments have been done on the viricidal and antiseptic properties of various types of radiation ranging from simple sunlight to more complicated forms, but the jury still seems to be out on the results. Certainly some exposure to sunlight won’t hurt, and may even help, if some scientists’ theories turn out to be right. Microwaving on low power has also been suggested, but I am not certain of the efficacy of this technique and I am certain that it can cause scorching and warping.
Humidity is definitely an important factor in the length of time that a pathogen can survive outside a human host, and a dry environment is much less pathogen friendly than a humid one. There are some bacterial spores known to be able to survive an extended dry period, but most authorities agree that the virus that causes AIDS does not survive well outside the human body for any significant length of time.
Toys made of metal, plastic derivatives or fibreglass are not easily damaged by a higher percentage solution of bleach or a longer soak time, so they are easy to clean – a 15 minute soak in bleach water and a rinse is adequate for us to be sure that there are no infectious pathogens left viable (alive) on the toy. Toys made of wood, some kinds of rubber, cloth or synthetic fibre, such as the nylon cracker on a single tail, stand up reasonably well to up to a 20% or even 25% solution of bleach and water, but may degrade over time. It is a good idea to wash these toys with soap and water to remove traces of the bleach solution after soaking. Some toys may be autoclaved if real sterility is desired. A few sources recommend washing “things” in a detergent solution before as well as after the soak in bleach (or disinfectant of your choice). This becomes more important as the level of body fluids on your toy increase as higher concentrations of organic matter can prevent penetration of the disinfectant and can sometimes inactivate some disinfectants.
Contagious body fluids include blood, plasma, semen, vaginal fluids and saliva. Urine and faeces can also carry pathogens. Simple skin contact, even if the skin is sweaty, is not considered sufficient as a vector of direct (or indirect) transmission of any known pathogen. So it is generally safe to use a leather flogger on more than one person’s back or ass in succession, assuming that no one has broken skin. Washing in between with saddle soap (or a suitable suede care product if you own a soft flogger) is not a bad idea for general hygiene, but hardly a dire necessity if the instrument has touched only unbroken skin.
This is not always a safe assumption. Pimples or “zits” are effectively broken skin, and they are not an uncommon occurrence. Likewise minute scratches, scrapes or pinpricks; horsehair whips are particularly good at creating these tiny breaks in the epidermis, and stiff, scratchy-edged leather can do the same kind of almost unseen damage. But how likely is it in reality that an infection could be transmitted this way?
Ignoring for now the vectors of airborne transmission and animal bites, the way the diseases we tend to worry about get transmitted is by direct or indirect contact with infectious body fluids. Direct contact means that you touch the fluid directly. Indirect contact is what we are trying to prevent by cleaning our toys. If something that has touched infected fluid touches you, that is indirect contact.
Four conditions need to be present for transmission of the disease to occur:
1. The disease pathogen must be present. i.e., the person whose body fluids you have contacted must have the disease (or more accurately, must harbor the pathogenic organism, whether or not disease symptoms have developed). If neither person in a couple has any disease, you can exchange any body fluid you want except for urine and faeces in complete safety. Waste products have some special problems and associated risks even if you ingest your own, though urine tends to be a problem only in quantity or over an extended period. Warning: it is not always easy to know if you are completely free from infectious disease, even if you have been recently tested, as some diseases can have a long incubation period.
2. The infected fluid must contact mucus membrane (wet places) or broken skin in order to enter your body. “Infectious pathogens will not cross intact skin; however, they will enter through cuts and mucus membrane quite easily.” (Brady Emergency Care, Grant, Murray and Bergeron, sixth edition) Note that broken skin does not always have to be obvious – a pimple, a hangnail, a minute scratch or a paper cut is broken skin. You have mucus membrane in your eyes, nose, mouth, rectum and urethra or vagina.
3. The recipient must be vulnerable to the disease, i.e., not immune. Since there is not currently an effective vaccine for AIDS (though there is one for most strains of hepatitis), you can assume you are not immune and you are vulnerable to disease.
4. There must be a sufficient quantity of the pathogen present in viable (alive) form to cause a disease. Under field conditions (i.e., in your bedroom or dungeon, outside a laboratory), we don’t know what constitutes a sufficient quantity. We can guess that aeration of minute specks of vaporized fluid, such as is caused in the operating room by surgeons using high speed cutting or drilling instruments, or by a single tail cracking after it has drawn blood, is probably not a sufficient quantity. We can guess (but cannot be sure) that fluid that has been outside the body for a significant length of time is less likely to contain viable disease organisms. We can make that guess a lot closer to a sure thing by applying proven viricidal and antiseptic solutions for a length of time known to kill 100% of pathogenic organisms. However, one drop of blood can definitely carry a high enough concentration of pathogens to transmit successfully if the other conditions are fulfilled.
A result is that the contact must persist for an adequate length of time for the pathogen to be transmitted. Under field conditions (i.e., in your bedroom or dungeon, outside a laboratory), we don’t know what is an adequate length of time. We are pretty sure that washing off the infected fluid as soon as possible does reduce the chance of transmission.
Because materials like leather, cloth and hair are porous, they provide a more pathogen-friendly environment for organisms to survive in. Complete sterilization is more difficult, and by hospital standards of real sterility basically impossible. Well made cloth will actually stand up to heavy duty cleaning better than most types of leather, which are easily damaged by anything that significantly changes their chemistry.
What does that mean in your dungeon, since you are (presumably) not using your flogger to perform any major surgeries? Basically, you can’t seriously break skin on one person with a leather toy and then clean it sufficiently to break skin on a second person without some *awfully* heroic efforts in between that will probably destroy the flogger if done correctly, i.e., in a way that causes the sterilizing agent to completely penetrate the leather and remain there for a length of time sufficient to kill any organisms.
How much of a risk are you taking by re-using a flogger that has broken skin? Again, the factors that control disease transmission are presence of pathogen (somebody actually has to have the disease), amount of pathogen (was it barely a smear, or really wet with blood, and did you reduce the amount of fluid or the viability of the pathogens in the fluid by wiping, washing, drying or applying a sterilizing solution?), vulnerability to the pathogen (if you’ve been successfully vaccinated against hepatitis, you can’t get those strains) and point of entry (infected fluid must contact mucus membrane or broken skin) and length of exposure time (how fast did you wash it off).
Those are the factors that influence your risk level. You can choose the level of precaution you want to take. Since AIDS is a fatal disease, most people prefer to err on the side of caution.
You are free to choose your own level of risk, and the smartest way to do this is to keep well informed and up to date on what the factors are that actually control your risk of getting a disease or giving it to your partner.
DISCLAIMER:Please consult your doctor or a trusted medical authority for recent, up to date information if you are concerned about most accurately assessing your level of risk. I have done my best to accurately research this information, but I am a lay person, and not a practicing medical doctor.
Choosing the right vibrator will always be primarily about personal preferences. But there are some questions you can ask yourself before you choose a vibrator that will help reduce the risk of choosing one that you’ll use once and then will forever collect dust in your sock drawer:
1 How do you want to use your vibrator: external clitoral stimulation, penetration, or both?
2 What should your vibrator be made out of, and what safety concerns are there about materials?
3 How strong a vibrator should you buy: mild to super strong, single speed or variable?
4 How much do you want to spend on a vibrator: $5 or $500, the selection is out there for every budget?
5 What do you want your vibrator to look like?
As you go through the images and descriptions below you’ll see lots of examples of vibrators, and get tips on things to think about when buying a vibrator.
External Stimulation Only,
While the majority of vibrators are phallic shaped most people use vibrators for external stimulation. If you’re looking for a vibrator for external stimulation only, you should consider buying a hard plastic vibrator.
Hard plastic vibrators:
tend to be stronger than soft rubber vibrators
are easier to clean
don’t bend when you press them against your body allowing you to better adjust the pressure of the vibrator
External hard plastic vibrators:
can be small bullet or egg style vibrators, or longer wand style vibrators.
They may be battery powered vibrators or electric (plug-in) vibrators.
The main differences between vibrators for external stimulation are:
the strength and quality of the motor
the type of vibration (there is buzzing, thumping, rotating, pulsating, and more)
the texture of the vibrator (ridges, bumps, smooth)
shape, size and color
If this is your first vibrator it is probably best to choose one with variable speed.
G Stimulation
While most people use vibrators for external stimulation others love the feeling of a vibrator for penetration. More people choose soft rubber vibrators for penetration, as they find hard plastic vibrators too jarring. But there are no rules to buying the right vibrator, and as long a vibrator is safe for penetration (no sharp edges) then you can use a hard or soft vibrator for penetration. More and more vibrators for penetration are designed for g-spot stimulation. These vibrators will have a curve near the tip, which makes it easier to stimulate the g-spot as soft rubber toys can bend when inserted into the vagina.
Aside from g-spot vibrators, vibrators designed for penetration differ mainly in:
their size
the material they are made of: jelly rubber , silicone , cyberskin, or vinyl
the strength and quality of the motor
the type of vibration (buzzing, thumping, rotating, pulsating, and more)
whether it is single speed of multi-speed, and what type of switch is used to adjust the speed
Most of these differences can be decided based on personal preference, but if this is your first vibrator be sure not to pick something too big, and to choose one that has variable speed. If you are concerned about the safety of sex toy materials, you can either stick with silicone or hard plastic , or if buying a less expensive rubber vibrator, be sure to use condoms each time you use the vibrator.
Penetration And External Stimulation
external and internal vibrators
If this is your first vibrator, or if you are looking for something versatile, you may want to choose a vibrator that can be used for both penetration and external stimulation. There are two styles of vibrator that can be used for both. The first are straight/cylindrical vibrators that have motors near the tip of the vibrator can be good for both penetration and external stimulation. Vibrators made primarily for penetration will often have motors in the base, and these are more awkward and not that functional to use it for external stimulation. If the motor is near the tip you can easily use it for external stimulation and know exactly where the vibration is strongest in the body of the vibrator. The second type of vibrator that can be used for both penetration and external stimulation are dual action vibrators which are made for simultaneous penetration and clitoral stimulation. The most popular of these vibrators is the Japanese Pearl Rabbit , but there are hundreds of variations on this style. Because dual action vibrators only do one thing (but do it very well) they may not be the best first time vibrator. But if you’re looking for something different, or like the idea of both penetration and clitoral stimulation, they’re worth checking out. Make sure you know whether your dual action vibrator has a Japanese motor or not. Many sex shops overcharge for poor quality vibrators to take advantage of the fact that most people think dual action means better quality. This is not always the case.
Soft Surface
Soft rubber vibrators, which most people choose for penetration can be made of a variety of materials: silicone , jelly rubber , cyberskin, vinyl, and all manner of silicone/jelly mixes.
One of the benefits of any soft rubber vibrator is that it will be quieter than hard plastic, and if you drop it, it’s less likely to crack :MissBonnie
Silicone is the best quality material for a soft rubber vibrator; it is the cleanest and safest material, it transmits vibrations best (so the motor will feel stronger), it is easiest to clean, and it retains temperature better than other rubbers. The only drawback to silicone is the cost. Also you cannot use silicone based lubricants with a silicone vibrator.
Currently most jelly rubber vibrators contain phthalates and should always be used with condoms. These along with latex vibrators, which are usually filled with foam, absorb vibrations a bit more, so they tend to be milder than silicone or hard plastic. The main benefit of these vibrators is their inexpensive price.
There are some vibrators that have a hard plastic shell which is then covered in a softer material like silicone or jelly rubber. These vibrators often have the benefit of strength with the softer feel which some people prefer.
Hard Surface
Hard plastic vibrators are ideal for external stimulation, and as long as they are seamless and have no rough edges or corners, they can also be used for penetration.
Some of the benefits of hard plastic vibrators include:
stronger feeling vibration
easier to keep clean
less likely to cause an allergic reaction
they don’t bend when you are applying pressure with your vibrator
There are a few vibrators that are made out of various metals, including gold , titanium , and aluminum.
These vibrators have several additional benefits.
They have a weight to them which can be very pleasurable when used for penetration.
the material makes the vibration resonate in a different fashion, which is noticeable when using it.
Metal toys also cool down and warm up, adding another element to the sensation.
These natural materials are also very safe and clean, and easy to keep clean.
If this is your first vibrator, and you’re looking for something to use externally for clitoral stimulation, hard plastic might be the way to go.
Metal vibrators, while highly prized, do tend to be more expensive and may not be a great idea for first timers.
How Strong Should Your Vibrator Be?
Vibrators come in a wide range of strengths, from mild to supersonic. If you are buying your first vibrator what is most important is to get a vibrator that has variable speeds.
Here are some things to consider in terms of vibrator strength.
In almost all cases electric vibrators (whether they plug in or are rechargeable) are more powerful than battery vibrators. Particularly if you are looking for a vibrator that you can also use as a full body massager, electric vibrators, like the famous Hitachi Magic Wand, are the way to go. Most electric vibrators have two speeds, and the only concern can be that at the lowest speed an electric vibrator may be too strong.
Battery powered vibrators offer a wider range of strengths of vibration. With battery powered vibrators another consideration is the size of the vibrator. Smaller vibrators can feel stronger because the point of vibration is more focused and not being dispersed across a long area.
Hard plastic vibrators usually feel stronger than soft rubber vibrators; even if they have the same size motor and take the same number of batteries.
The best vibrator will be one that goes as low as you need it to for starters, but is stronger than you’re comfortable with as well. Many people find once they get comfortable with vibrator that they enjoy somewhat stronger vibrations. Of course there are others who only like mild vibration. As with everything this is a personal preference.
Inexpensive
Vibrators are not quite as sophisticated a market as cars or photographic equipment, so judging the quality range and price range is a bit more of a gamble. However as a general rule one can identify three levels of quality and price for vibrators.
The least expensive vibrators range in price from $10 to $40. These generally have inexpensive Chinese motors, are made of hard plastic or jelly rubber , and are built to not last.
Mid-range vibrators can cost between $50-$70 and are either made of a better quality material or have better quality motors, but usually not both.
High end vibrators combine the best of all worlds; quality motors, material, and design. These can range in price from $80-$200. Keep in mind that less expensive doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t feel as good, it usually means the vibrator won’t last long, and the material may be inferior quality. But don’t let a store or website pressure you into paying more for a vibrator than you want.
If you don’t know what you’re looking for, it’s always safer to start inexpensive.
Remember to use condoms on any inexpensive soft rubber vibrators, some times the ingredients are questionable, or the country of origin doesn’t have strict manufacturing standard :MissBitch
Once you know whether you like vibration or not, you can invest in the future.
Cheap doesn’t necessarily mean useless.
High End
Vibrators are not quite as sophisticated a market as cars or photographic equipment, so judging the quality range and price range is a bit more of a gamble. However as a general rule one can identify three levels of quality and price for vibrators.
The least expensive vibrators range in price from $10 to $40. These generally have inexpensive Chinese motors, are made of hard plastic or jelly rubber , and are built to not last.
Mid-range vibrators can cost between $50-$70 and are either made of a better quality material or have better quality motors, but usually not both.
High end vibrators combine the best of all worlds; quality motors, material, and design. These can range in price from $80-$200. Keep in mind that less expensive doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t feel as good, it usually means the vibrator won’t last long, and the material may be inferior quality. But don’t let a store or website pressure you into paying more for a vibrator than you want. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, it’s always safer to start inexpensive and then once you know whether you like vibration or not, you can invest in the future
Visual
A final, but not unimportant consideration is what you want your vibrator to look like.
Other than shape and texture, do you want something that looks like a penis? Something that looks like a bunny rabbit, or a goddess? And what about the color? Many people think it’s strange to care about vibrator color, but other pick sex toys to match their sheets or their mood.
There’s no right or wrong.
Vibrators come in every look imaginable, so even if you’d like something that is vaguely phallic shaped, but not all veiny and “representational” you’ll find something.
If you’re going to use the vibrator with a partner you might want to consider what they’ll be most comfortable with, and most excited by. Some people are intimidated by toys that look like recognizable body parts, whereas others are turned on by them.
There are also all sorts of vibrators that don’t look like vibrators at all, and these can be a benefit for people with kids, or roommates, and little privacy.
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information.
Few if any vibrators come with instruction manuals. On the one hand, you might think that no manual is necessary – after all shouldn’t you know how to use a vibrator? But if you’ve never used one, how exactly are you supposed to know how? Most people do manage to stumble their way to pleasure with a vibrator, but if you’re looking for a few helpful hints here is a beginner’s guide for women on how to use a vibrator. Looking for vibrator tips for guys?
Time Required:
For Your First Time, a Half Hour or More of alone quiet time in a warm room. Take the lady aboves suggestion and make sure your alone
Consider when and how you’re using the vibrator. Are you relaxed and in the right frame of mind for a sensual experience? Remember, for women in particular, arousal has way more to do with where you are mentally than what’s happening to your body. Make a special time to use your vibrator, when you know you won’t be disturbed, and give yourself the luxury of exploring and letting go. Get yourself in the mood: read some tasteful erotica, watch a dirty video, or just fantasize…whatever you prefer, there are lots of options out there. It’s often said that the biggest sex organ is between your ears. You can’t just flip the switch and expect the vibrator to do all the work.
Here’s How: Get to know your vibrator. Take your vibrator out of the package and get to know how it works and what kind of batteries it takes. Play with the buttons and switches and find out how many speeds and settings it has. Wash your vibrator well before using it. If it isn’t waterproof be careful not to get any water near the battery case.
Check for sharp edges or seams (these can be easily filed down and made safe). Make sure the body of the vibrator isn’t coming apart from the battery pack and that all wires are solid and secure. If there are any flaws return your vibrator before you use it. MissBitch
Start on your own. Even if you’re planning on using your vibrator with a partner, it’s a good idea to check it our by yourself first. You’ll feel less self-conscious and/or you can really concentrate on how it feels for you without being distracted (for better or worse) by a partner. Make sure you have a little time and enough privacy. If you’ve got roommates, children, thin walls, or nosy neighbors, you can always turn on some music and make use of blankets and comforters to mute the sound (you may also want to think about getting a quieter vibrator)
.»> How to dull a loud BUZZZZZZ :Some battery-powered vibrators come with a foam, rubber, or cardboard insert that fits in the battery compartment to keep the batteries in place and prevent them from rattling. If the insert was cardboard, you may have accidentally discarded it while unpacking the vibrator or changing the batteries. If necessary, you may be able to improvise a new one by cutting a piece of thin scrap cardboard to fit inside the compartment. MissBonnie
Play with the lights on. Not every woman will be comfortable with this one, and vision may not be a sense you rely on, but playing with a vibrator with the lights on can be very educational and useful. You can discover specific places on your body that are rich with nerve endings and ripe for stimulation. This is the kind of information you can use on yourself in the future and share with a your submissive. After all if you don’t know your own body, how can you expect to train to your submissive to pleasure you in the way you like, or instruct him. You can achieve the same effect with touch, knowing exactly where the vibrator is, but seeing what’s going on can be a benefit for some.
Getting hot to trot. Get comfortable with the feel of the vibrator on your body. Run the vibe along your body without even turning it on. Notice how it feels. Press it firmly against your skin and massage your muscles with it. If the vibrator is a hard material this will probably feel nice. If the vibrator is a soft rubber and doesn’t feel smooth against your skin, try the above with your clothes on. This isn’t meant to give you an orgasm, but it’s a gentle way of introducing your body to the vibrator.
Turn on and tuning in.. Once you turn it on, start by touching the vibrator to your feet and your hands. Run it up and down your arms and legs, across your belly, your shoulders and neck, your scalp and face. Again, you can start with some clothes on if you like. Even though vibrators are used mostly around the vulva and clitoris, don’t just jump to the main event. Get a feel for the vibration all over your body and then slowly move to the more sensitive parts. You can slowly move the vibrator up your inner thigh, or in circles around your breasts and nipples.
»>Latter you could maybe think about adding this method to a Sensual massage provided to you by your submissive. MissBonnie
Don’t rush: Explore every inch. The great thing about vibrators is that they never get tired unlike a submissive, and they let you explore every inch of your body for sexual pleasure. Most women use vibrators for clitoral stimulation and many women report that one side – or even one portion – of their clitoris responds to vibration more than another. Think of yourself as an explorer, and the vibrator is both your compass and your flashlight (in fact some vibrators come with flashlights). Don’t rush, leaving a vibrator in place can allow it to establish sensation connections that previously weren’t there.
Play with the speed of the vibrator. Most vibrators have multiple speed settings (or at least two settings). Always start on a low setting and work your way up.
»>If a vibrator feels too strong at first you can put a towel between you and the vibrator, or just press it lightly against your body. MissBitch
You may find that on some areas a lower speed is all you need, and on others stronger is better. Some vibrators have “pulsation” settings, but you can also play with turning the strength up and down in rapid succession.
Play with pressure. Experiment with applying different pressure. You may enjoy a lot of deep pressure with clitoral stimulation or you may want to hold a vibrator just slightly above the body. You can press your vibrator deep into your skin and massage the muscles while also feeling the stimulation of the motor. With most battery-powered vibrators, the more pressure you apply the lower the vibration feels. Also the stronger you hold your vibrator, the more vibration gets absorbed by your hand. Experiment with everything from a feather light touch to a self-love smack down, and find what works for you.
On point or flat out. Most vibrators will have a point or an edge. Try touching yourself with the finest point of the vibrator. Next put the widest or flattest part of your vibrator against your body. When you focus on one point, the vibrations can feel more intense than when the vibration is being dispersed around a wider area. You may find that the feel of the vibrator on your labia, or above your clitoris feels awesome. Because the clitoris extends inside the body, deep vibration in this area can feel great, and different than direct clitoral stimulation.
Relax your breath, allowing yourself to sigh a few times. Did you know that your breath is the key to allowing yourself to relax and have good orgasms? Pulse the vibrator back and forwards on your genitals, at the same time moving your pelvis. If you bend your knees you will find a gentle rocking motion will take place. If you want to have more fun try doing your Kegels at the same time. Experiment with different positions. You do not just have to lie only on your back, you can use a vibrator in all the varied positions you have sex in. MissBonnie
Using a vibrator for penetration. Most women use vibrators for external stimulation, but as long as your vibrator is safe for penetration there’s no reason not to try it.
»>A vibrator that is safe for penetration will be smooth, have no rough edges, and won’t absorb bodily fluids. MissBonnie
In almost all cases. it’s recommended to put a condom over a vibrator if you’re using it for penetration. You should also use water based lubricant when using a vibrator for penetration. You can put some lube on the shaft of the vibrator and with your fingers put some lube on your vulva and just inside your vagina.
Exploring penetration with a vibrator. Start slow with penetration and get yourself aroused by using the vibrator externally first. While far more nerve endings are outside the vagina than inside, lots of women enjoy penetration with a vibrator. Some women will use a vibrator to find and stimulate the g spot. It has also been hypothesized that nerve endings in the cervix respond to stimulation and pressure. Pressing the vibrator against the top of your vagina (such as pressing it towards your belly) may provide g spot stimulation or even indirect clitoral stimulation.
Using your vibrator with a partner. You can use your vibrator with your partner in any number of ways. You can control the vibe, using it on yourself to add stimulation during sex play with a partner. You can use the vibrator on your partner (or vice versa). You can also find a vibrator that fits well between you and your partner that neither of you need to control, but can add stimulation during sex. Vibes even have uses when doing cunnilingus However you want to do it, it’s a good idea for each of you to follow the above steps first, and get fully comfortable on your own before making it a threesome.
Concerns for use with partners Some couples have concerns about adding a vibrator to their sex lives. You may be afraid she will start to like it “more than me” and she may be concerned it will be impersonal and cold. These fears are normal, but unfounded. Talk about any such worries, and keep open communication about them as you explore.
A couple may be afraid that the vibrator will become the focus of most of their sex, and mean less intercourse. In reality a vibrator often means more sex. Most women find orgasm takes a certain amount of time and energy, even when they feel sexual desire. If a woman doesn’t feel she has the time and energy necessary to have an orgasm, she may shy away from sex, or choose to have sex “just for him.” Because a vibrator can make orgasm faster and easier (but not necessarily better) a woman may choose to have sex, or to have sex for both of them, when she would have said no before having a vibrator. The vibrator can be a back up – the woman is able to have sex because she knows her husband can use the vibrator if need be. Sometimes once she gets going she has no need or interest in the vibrator – but knowing it was there made it easier for her.
If vibrators were addictive, they could not be the starting place for learning to orgasm in other ways. Finally, some folks are afraid that the woman will become “addicted” to the vibrator, and unable to orgasm without it. Despite years of warnings about this, it has not come to pass. Some couples have used a vibrator to give the wife her first ever orgasm, and then have used what they learned from that to give her orgasms in other ways. If it were addictive, it could not be the starting place for learning to orgasm in other ways. We have talked to couples who have used a vibrator for a decade or more, and several of the woman feel they are now more orgasmic without the vibrator than before they started to use it.
Using a vibrator on him: While a vibrator is stimulating when used on a man, it’s much less so than for a woman. He will probably want a faster speed from the start. A light touch is unlikely to be the best – firmly pressing the vibrator to the penis will be more stimulating. Use a lubricant and focus on the glans, especially the underside. Try moving the vibrator in small circles or in small back and forth strokes. You may or may not be able to cause him to climax with the vibrator alone – if not, try using it as a part of manual or oral play or as foreplay to intercourse.A woman can use a vibrator to stimulate a man’s penis and balls, and if it’s an insertable vibrator, his prostate (more info below). The easiest way for a woman to use a vibrator on a man is simply to stroke his cock and balls with it. She can run the vibrator along the length of his shaft and around his cock head. The base of the glands and the underside of the penis head are particularly sensitive spots. Another way to stimulate a male partner is to stroke his balls with the vibrator or to hold it directly under the scrotum. Pressing the vibrator against the perineum (the spot of skin between the balls and the bum) can also be very pleasurable. If you press into this spot, the vibrations will also transmit to the prostate.
If the vibrator is an insertable dildo or probe as we mentioned above, it can be inserted in the man’s anus to stimulate his prostate directly. To hit the prostate, insert the vibrator two to three inches into the anus and aim the tip toward the penis. Make small in and out stroking motions with the vibrator rubbing against the prostate. Prostate stimulation combined with vibration can produce very intense male orgasms and sometimes increased ejaculation. Whenever inserting anything anally, use a lot of lube, go slow, and don’t force it. Also, only use toys for anal insertion that have a flange or flared base, or something at the end to keep them from going too far in. If you insert a vibrator without a base too far into your partner’s rear and lose your grip on it, you may not be able to get it out.
What if I get a vibrator stuck in his anus (or mine!)? People get vibrators stuck in their butts. It happens. To avoid it, never insert anything in his rear that doesn’t have a flange or wide flared base, or something at the end to keep it from going all the way up inside him as we advised earlier. If you do get a vibrator stuck in his rear, turn it off. If the vibrator has an external battery pack, remove the batteries. Get him to take deep breaths and try to relax his sphincter and abdominal muscles. Apply as much lube as possible to his rectum without pushing the vibrator further in. Get him to bear down as you would during a bowel movement. If you can, stretch the rectum by inserting two or three fingers and spreading them. If the vibrator has wires attached from a battery or control pack, be careful when pulling on them, as they may detach. If you’re lucky, you may be able to get the tail end of the vibrator to clear his sphincter and ease it out of his rear. If this doesn’t work, don’t persist for too long, especially if his in pain. Swallow your pride and get him to an emergency room. Yes, it’s embarrassing, but it’s not the first time it’s happened, and it’s not the strangest thing any-body’s put up their butt by a long stretch. The ER doctors will probably use a speculum to dilate his butt, and then extract the vibrator manually. In extreme cases, abdominal surgery may be required. So, we say again, only use vibrators anally if they are designed to be used anally. Please. Your neighborhood ER techs will thank you.
The other way to use the vibrator for his enjoyment is to have him watch you use it on yourself. Most men find this extremely arousing, and it can also be very instructive for them. I personally like to instruct my submissive to look but touch ..sometime you might need to bind them to stop this .MissBonnie
If a woman uses her own vibrator on a man, she should take certain hygiene and safe sex precautions. Using a vibrator on a partner and then using it on yourself without cleaning it first is the equivalent of having unprotected sex. If you get a man’s pre-ejaculate or semen on your vibrator and insert it in your vagina, you run the risk of pregnancy or getting an STD. If you use a vibrator on a partner’s rear, you need to clean it thoroughly before using it on your vagina or inserting it vaginally to avoid the risk of a yeast or bacterial infection.
Using a vibrator during intercourse: You can slip an egg or bullet between your bodies in just about any face to face position. You want it between her outer labia, over the clitoris. You can slip an egg or bullet between your bodies during intercourse. In this location the women will feel the vibrator directly, and the man will feel it indirectly. The way you move a couple moves will change how strongly the vibrator stimulates you. Adjust the speed to something comfortable YOU. You can buy a stretchy ring made for sex this way – the ring goes around the base of the penis, and holds the vibrator in place against the man’s body just above the penis.
In a few positions the husband can use the vibrator on his wife’s clitoris during intercourse. Most rear entry positions allow this, as well as “spoons” (both on their sides, husband behind wife) and some sitting positions. The husband can use the vibrator as he thrusts, or he can lay still and use it. These techniques may be of use to couples where the woman finds it difficult to orgasm during intercourse, or the man suffers from premature ejaculation.
It is also possible for the woman to use the vibrator on herself in some positions. Some men will be uncomfortable with this, and some women won’t want to do it. It’s a matter of what the couple finds acceptable and mutually enjoyable.
We’ve shared some general suggestions about how you might bring a vibrator into play in the bedroom, but please realize that everyone is quite individual in their likes and dislikes. Don’t be afraid to do something that doesn’t work on your way to finding something that does work. Play and experiment until you find something that you both will enjoy. MissBonnie and MissBitch
Tips:
G spot vibrators: Some vibrators have a curved tip and are sold as g spot vibrators. These toys can make it easier to reach the G spot but they are no guarantee that you’ll enjoy g spot stimulation. Also, any firm vibrator can be used to stimulate the g spot.
Safety tip: vaginal or anal penetration. If you want to insert a vibrator anally, only use vibrators designed for anal play penetration. The toy should be smooth and seamless, and should have a flared base to prevent it from slipping all the way in.
Anal penetration requires patience, arousal, and a lot of lube.
Remember MissBitch and MissBonnie’s Anal Mantra: Relaxation, lubrication, stimulation
Don’t share sex toys unless you use a condom every time. If you’re playing with a male partner never let a sex toy that has been in the rectum go in the vagina. Always use water based lubricant when using a vibrator for anal penetration. You can put some lube on the shaft of the vibrator and with your fingers put some lube on the outside and just inside the anus. Replenish the lubricant on the vibrator throughout the sex play.
Vibrator strength trick. If you’re using a vibrator on a partner and you want to vary the strength of the vibration you can do this by grabbing the vibrator tighter and getting a larger grasp on it. When you do this your hand absorbs more of the vibration and to the person on the other end it feels like the vibration is getting a bit lower. Loosen your grip and the strength will come back.
Take your batteries out. A good tip is Get in the habit of taking your batteries out of the vibrator each time your finished using it. If you leave the batteries in the vibe may turn on to a very low speed (or you may leave it on low without knowing it) and this can both burn out the motor and make for some embarrassing moments.
»>take it from an experienced user, vibes have the annoying habit of switching one when you least expect it, at the most inopportune times~like your Mother over lunch, or the local parish priest dropping in for visit. MissBonnie
Also, if you leave your vibrator alone for extended periods with the batteries in, they can corrode and leak into the battery case destroying your vibrator.
How long will the batteries last in my vibrator? Depending on the vibrator device and what kind of batteries you’re using, you could get anywhere from 50 hours of use to just 10 hours. Smaller devices with smaller motors drain less current. Larger vibrators or ones with multiple moving parts will drain batteries more quickly. If you have a high-drain vibrator that you use frequently, it might be worthwhile to invest in some rechargeable batteries.
»>They don’t hold a charge as long as disposable batteries, but you also won’t have to spend five bucks every time they’re used up. MissBonnie
You can extend the life of your vibrator’s batteries by removing them from the toy when it is not in use and storing them separately.
How long can a vibrator be used before throwing it away? A vibrator’s durability depends on its quality, type, and what it’s made of. A vibrator’s lifespan can be anywhere from a few months to several years. In general, don’t keep an inexpensive plastic or rubber vibrator for more than 3 years. More expensive electrical vibrators can be used until they quit working. If a vibrator is in good running condition and the material is durable, there’s no reason to discard it until it stops working. However, inexpensive vibrators have a limited lifespan due to the quality of the case and the components. In cheap vibrators, the wiring frays, the motors jam; in some cases the outside is actually the most durable part of the device. More than likely, your vibrator will give up the ghost before it becomes a hazard to anyone. Nevertheless, at a certain point, you may want to retire your mechanical buddy either for safety or aesthetic reasons. Inexpensive vibrators, if they last that long, should not be used for more than a few years. Longer than that, and the casing material is going to be getting gummy and worn out if it’s made of rubber, silicone, jelly, or Cyberskin. Plastic vibrators can get brittle, and, especially if they have been knocked around a bit, they’re subject to cracking. Higher-end electrical vibrators, like the Hitachi Magic Wand, can last several years depending on how much you use them. The only reason to discard an electrical vibrator is if the motor develops problems, i.e., if it starts overheating, sounding funny, or smelling odd. If you use rubber or silicone attachments with your electrical vibrator, you may want to replace them after a few years if you use them frequently or if they show signs of age. How should I store my vibrators? (notice we used an ‘S’ we know you’ll end up with more than one ) }Keep it in a secure, dry location where it will not be moved around a lot. Under the bed in a shoe box is usually a safe bet. Take the batteries out when you store it. You want to keep your toys clean and safe, so don’t just chuck your vibrator under the bed with the dust bunnies, where the dog might find it and mistake it for a chewy toy. Keep them in a closed container. A shoe box is fine. Wrap them in a clean t-shirt or pillow case. Put the box in a spot where it won’t be moved around a lot, under the bed, in a nightstand drawer or closet. It’s always a good idea to take the batteries out of your vibrator when storing it for two reasons: it prolongs the life of the batteries, and it eliminates the risk that the vibrator may get accidentally switched on.
My vibrator isn’t giving me an orgasm any more. What’s wrong? There could be a couple of reasons for this. The vibrator or the batteries in it may be wearing out, so it is less effective. Alternately, you may be getting “desensitized” to the sensation of that particular vibrator. Some people find they need to switch to a different vibrator at a certain point. Also, other psychological or physiological factors may be affecting your sexual responsiveness. If you’re not responding to your vibrator anymore, first make sure that the vibrator is working correctly. Are the vibrations still as strong? If not, the motor may be wearing out, or the batteries may be wearing out. Test it out with some fresh batteries and see if that doesn’t put the buzz back in it. It may be time for a replacement. If there’s nothing wrong with the vibrator, your sexual responsiveness may have changed. Some people report “vibrator burnout,” feeling like they become “immune” to their vibrators. Your body may simply become used to the sensations that your vibrator supplies, and they are no longer as stimulating, or you may just be bored with your vibrator. Try shopping for a new model, and find something that really excites you or provides a totally different form of stimulation. If you’ve been using a Hitachi Magic Wand, try getting a vibrating dildo or vice versa. Try experimenting. Some vibrator users also report a temporary decrease in sensitivity in their genitals after prolonged vibrator use. You may need to take a vacation from your vibrator and go back to manual stimulation for a while. After taking a break and coming back to it, your vibrator may seem fresh again. Finally, there may be physical or psychological factors that are affecting your sexual response. Some medications, especially antidepressants, have sexual side effects that make it difficult to reach orgasm. Stress, depression, fatigue, and overworking can also make it hard to get turned on or to climax. If this is a persistent problem, talk to your doctor.
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information.
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P spot Milking – Locating and Milking the male P spot (includes Video) Figging – The art of Ginger root play first anal toy – I want to buy my first toy, but what ? Strap on Harness – How to use and find the perfect Harness/strapon. lube – what lube for what occasion? Anal beads – Ok, I have anal beads, what now, how do I use Anal beads? Toys with cunnilingus the introduction of sex toys in cunnilingus beginners guide to vibrator use for men An introduction to using a vibrators for your personal pleasure
On our studyBDSM training entertainment program “A taste of Cyber” it’s surprising the amount of subbies who have no idea I they could use a vibrator on themselves for play. They either thought vibrators only worked on women, or they weren’t for “guys like them.” Once most of these men gave vibrators a chance, they quickly became converts. Vibrators aren’t made for a certain kind of person, vibes are for anyone interested in discovering new ways to feel sexual pleasure.
Men in particular are offered a narrow set of sexual options, and vibrators can help expand those options and discover pleasure and orgasms you didn’t even know were in you. If you’re curious, here are some tips for men on how to use a vibrator
Time Required:
For Your First Time, a Half Hour or More of alone quiet time in a warm room.
Here’s How: Explode the myth.
Most male submissives think vibrators are sex toys for women, or Dominants only. Since you may have never thought vibrators could be for you, you may need to give yourself some time to get comfortable with the idea of trying a vibrator. The good news is that once you do, you’ll be greatly rewarded. Remember that sex toys aren’t made for certain kinds of people, they’re made to stimulate nerve endings. you have those Anyone and everyone could be the “kind of person” who uses vibrators, and using one doesn’t say anything about you other than the fact that you like yourself enough to want to feel good.
Get to know your vibrator. Take your vibrator out of the package and get to know how it works and what kind of batteries it takes. Play with the buttons and switches and find out how many speeds and settings it has. Wash your vibrator well before using it. If it isn’t waterproof be careful not to get any water near the battery case.
Check for sharp edges or seams (these can be easily filed down and made safe). Make sure the body of the vibrator isn’t coming apart from the battery pack and that all wires are solid and secure. If there are any flaws return your vibrator before you use it.
Start on your own.
Even if you’re planning on using your vibrator with a partner, it’s a good idea to check it our by yourself first. If you are owned make sure you request permission first, the last thing we want is you in trouble with your Domme. Are you alone? You’ll feel less self-conscious and/or you can really concentrate on how it feels for you without being distracted (for better or worse) by a partner. Make sure you have a little time and enough privacy. If you’ve got roommates, children, thin walls, or nosy neighbors, you can always turn on some music and make use of blankets and comforters to mute the sound (you may also want to think about getting a quieter vibrator).
»»Dull a loud BUZZZZZZ : Some battery-powered vibrators come with a foam, rubber, or cardboard insert that fits in the battery compartment to keep the batteries in place and prevent them from rattling. If the insert was cardboard, you may have accidentally discarded it while unpacking the vibrator or changing the batteries. If necessary, you may be able to improvise a new one by cutting a piece of thin scrap cardboard to fit inside the compartment..
Play with the lights on.
Not everyone will be comfortable with this one, and vision may not be a sense you rely on, but playing with a vibrator with the lights on can be very educational and useful. You can discover specific places on your body that are rich with nerve endings and ripe for stimulation. This is the kind of information you can use on yourself in the future and share with a lover or your Dominant partner. You can achieve the same effect with touch, knowing exactly where the vibrator is, but seeing what’s going on can be a benefit for some.
Getting hot to trot.
It’s a generalization, but we are going to say it any way, men probably don’t touch all parts of their body as often as women do. You may be 100% familiar with your genitals, but how well do you know your calves or thighs? When was the last time you noticed how it feels to be touched behind your knees? Before you turn the vibrator on, get used to how it feels on your body. Press it firmly against your skin and massage your muscles with it. How does it feel to use a different amount of pressure on your nipples. This isn’t meant to give you an orgasm, but it’s a slow way of introducing your body to the vibrator. Vibes are for more than just genitals, the whole body can benefit.
Turn on and tuning in.
Once you turn it on, start by touching the vibrator to your feet and your hands. Run it up and down your arms and legs, across your belly, your shoulders and neck, your scalp and face. Even though vibrators are used mostly around the penis, scrotum, ass and nipples, don’t just jump to the main even. What’s your hurry! take your time, the more time spend building to orgasm the bigger the ‘O’ . Get a feel for the vibration all over your body and then slowly move to the more sensitive parts. You can slowly move the vibrator up your inner thigh, gently run it over the perineum, or in circles around your nipples. Imagine its your lover of your dreams, where would she use it? where would you like to be touched?
Don’t rush: Explore every inch.
The great thing about vibrators is that they never get tired, and they let you explore every inch of your body for sexual pleasure. You men are so penis-focused that it’s no wonder most men think that their penis is not only the best sexual part of their body, but the only area capable of giving you an orgasm.
»»In fact there are many parts of a man’s body that are capable of experiencing intense sexual pleasure. :MissBitch.
Using a vibrator is a great way to find them. Think of yourself as an explorer, and the vibrator is both your compass and your flashlight. Play with the speed of the vibrator. Because men tend to use a lot of friction when they masturbate, stronger vibrators are often needed, particular around the genitals. But when exploring other parts of your body, always start on a low setting and work your way up. Particularly with anal vibrators, even a slight change in the speed of the vibrator can be felt, and playing with the speed settings can be highly pleasurable.
Play with pressure.
Experiment with applying different pressure with the vibrator. It might not feel good to press very hard around the scrotum, but if you put your vibrator on the perineum and apply deep pressure you are stimulating the prostate externally. Some men find that with a strong enough vibrator and enough pressure, using a vibrator on the head of the penis will give them an orgasm without ever moving the vibrator. Experiment with everything from a feather light touch to a self-love smack down – find what works for you.
External vs. internal vibration.
Hard plastic and electric vibrators are the best for external stimulation as they are stronger and more comfortable to use externally. You can use these vibrators for external anal stimulation as well. If you want to explore anal penetration with a vibrator it’s recommended that you either get an anal attachment for your electric vibrator or buy a separate vibrator that is safe for anal use. You may find vibrators made of silicone or other softer materials are more comfortable for anal penetration. Always use a water based lubricant for any penetration play. Remember phthalates and are best used with a condom for personal safety.
Shame
Anal play is nothing to be ashamed of, although many, many people are. We started it in our earliest childhood. In fact it is generally acknowledged as the first sexually related exploration every baby does and even some fetuses do it prior to birth. Let’s face it, the odor of plain shit – but called “musk” – is used in almost every perfume and even more so in male cosmetics because it is generally known as sexually appealing. For you animal lovers out there: the scent is derived from the musk plant, not the deer. Any biologist will explain that in all mammals, the genitals and the anus were deliberately placed close together, simply because the smell of the one points the way to the other. So, if you like it, or feel attracted to it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Plus, the anus is an erogenous zone by itself, whether you like it or not. Stimulating it will cause sexual arousal Kinsey – the sexologist best know for his extensive research of the sexual behavior of both men and women – said it as follows:
»>“The contractions of the buttocks reflect, more than any one factor, the development of the tensions involved in erotic arousal.”: Kinsley
The buttock muscles are among the strongest in the human body and they come into play during almost any form of sexual intercourse and even masturbation – especially for women. Some women even masturbate just by contracting and relaxing muscles and these include the “back door”. In the event you thought anal sexual attraction is just for a few, Kinsey – in his extensive research – found that fifty (!) percent of both men and women had had some experience with anal stimulation or anal intercourse. More recent research in the USA shows that some ten percent of the heterosexual couples regularly have anal intercourse. The anal and vaginal region and the penis share the same nerve roots and this is the physiological explanation for the sexual attraction of the anus. And – coming back to erotic power exchange – anal play and intercourse to many has strong connotations with terms of dominance and submission.
External anal stimulation.
The anus (the part on the outside that you can see and touch) is rich with nerve endings and usually responds extremely well to vibe stimulation. As mentioned above, start slowly and work from the inside out. See what the vibrator feels like on your lower back, your back side, and your inner thighs. Move slowly and gently to the anus and start by applying just a little pressure. You can roll the edge of the vibrator around the area and experiment with pressure and speed as you go. Once they get over the newness of the feeling many submissive men find this highly pleasurable.
Anal penetration with a vibrator.
Anal play requires patience, arousal, and a lot of lubricant.
Start slow and get yourself fully aroused by using the vibrator externally first. Don’t force an anal toy inside your body. Instead, with the vibrator on, just leave the tip at the opening of the anus and let the toy slide in gently when your body is ready. Once inside you can move the vibrator around and also play with the speed of the vibrator. Tilting the vibrator toward your belly button will stimulate the prostate. You may have to add more lubricant depending on how long your play lasts.
What if I get a vibrator stuck in my anus?
People get vibrators stuck in their butts. It happens. To avoid it, never insert anything in your rear that doesn’t have a flange or wide flared base, or something at the end to keep it from going all the way up inside you.
If you do get a vibrator stuck in your rear, turn it off (if you can reach the controls). If the vibrator has an external battery pack, remove the batteries. Take deep breaths and try to relax your sphincter and abdominal muscles. Apply as much lube as possible to your rectum without pushing the vibrator further in. Bear down as you would during a bowel movement. If you can, stretch your rectum by inserting two or three fingers and spreading them. If the vibrator has wires attached from a battery or control pack, be careful when pulling on them, as they may detach. If you’re lucky, you may be able to get the tail end of the vibrator to clear your sphincter and ease it out of your rear. If this doesn’t work, don’t persist for too long, especially if you’re in pain. Swallow your pride and get yourself to an emergency room. Yes, it’s embarrassing, but it’s not the first time it’s happened, and it’s not the strangest thing anybody’s put up their butt by a long stretch. The ER doctors will probably use a speculum to dilate your butt, and then extract the vibrator manually. In extreme cases, abdominal surgery may be required.
So, we say again, only use vibrators anally if they are designed to be used anally. Please. Your neighborhood ER techs will thank you.
Using your vibrator with a partner.
You can use your vibrator with your partner in any number of ways. You can control the vibe and use it on yourself. You and your partner can use it on each other. vibe even have uses when doing cunnilingus on her. There are vibrators that fit over the penis for use during partner penetration play. You can also find a vibrator that fits well between you and your partner that neither of you need to control, but can add stimulation during sex. However you want to do it, it’s a good idea for each of you to follow the above steps first, and get fully comfortable on your own before making it a threesome.
Concerns: for use with partner Some couples have concerns about adding a vibrator to their sex lives. You may be afraid she will start to like it “more than me” and she may be concerned it will be impersonal and cold. These fears are normal, but unfounded. Talk about any such worries, and keep open communication about them as you explore. A couple may be afraid that the vibrator will become the focus of most of their sex, and mean less intercourse. In reality a vibrator often means more sex. Most women find orgasm takes a certain amount of time and energy, even when they feel sexual desire. If a woman doesn’t feel she has the time and energy necessary to have an orgasm, she may shy away from sex, or choose to have sex “just for him.” Because a vibrator can make orgasm faster and easier (but not necessarily better) a woman may choose to have sex, or to have sex for both of them, when she would have said no before having a vibrator. The vibrator can be a back up – the woman is able to have sex because she knows her husband can use the vibrator if need be. Sometimes once she gets going she has no need or interest in the vibrator – but knowing it was there made it easier for her.
If vibrators were addictive, they could not be the starting place for learning to orgasm in other ways. Finally, some folks are afraid that the woman will become “addicted” to the vibrator, and unable to orgasm without it. Despite years of warnings about this, it has not come to pass. Some couples have used a vibrator to give the wife her first ever orgasm, and then have used what they learned from that to give her orgasms in other ways. If it were addictive, it could not be the starting place for learning to orgasm in other ways. We have talked to couples who have used a vibrator for a decade or more, and several of the woman feel they are now more orgasmic without the vibrator than before they started to use it.
Using a vibrator on her:
If you are laying side by side with her (which will be emotionally preferable for some women, at least at first) place it between her labia, over or near the clitoris, with your hand cupped over the vibrator. Start with the speed low so as not to over stimulate her. You can gradually turn the speed up as she approaches orgasm – but be aware that turning it up too fast or too high may be a problem for her. Some women will want full speed well before orgasm, others may never want more than half speed. You can push your hand, and the vibrator, slightly into her and hold, or push and release repeatedly. You can also move your hand very slightly up and down (parallel to her labia), or left and right, or in a small circle. See what she reacts to. Be aware of her body movements, especially any thrusting or other movement of the pelvis. If she has a rhythm going, figure out how to work with it. The movements will likely intensify and speed up as she approaches orgasm, so stay very aware of her body. You have to figure out what to do as and after she climaxes. Cut back stimulation too soon and you will rob her of the full potential of her orgasm. A small percentage of women get hypersensitive the way most men do – if she is one of these you will need to back off before or as she finishes. Back off by turning the speed down, then off, rather than breaking contact with her body. Be sure to lie still and hold her after she climaxes.
If she can have and wants multiple orgasms, you will need to learn how to make the transition from one to the next. Most likely she will want a reduction of stimulation as she finished each orgasm. If she has never had multiples, but wants to try, a vibrator is a great way to learn – let her guide you by telling you what she needs.
If she has never had multiples, but wants to try, a vibrator is a great way to learn. You can also sit or lie between her legs to pleasure her. This gives you two hands to work with, better access … and a nice view. Some lubricant is good here, either hers or from a tube. Apply the lube to her clitoris and the surrounding area. Hold the vibrator between thumb and forefinger, or with thumb and two fingers like a fat pencil, so you can use the tip on her. Your other hand can be used to better expose her vulva, or later to add some penetration. The clitoris is very sensitive, so don’t start there – start with the outer edge of the outer labia and work in slowly. Again, you want to start with a low speed and increase as she becomes more aroused.
Each woman varies – some will be able to take or will want direct stimulation of the clitoris, others will not. MissBitch
The aroused vulva is like a full motion water bed, any vibrations applied to any part will be felt through out. Experiment with her outer labia, her inner labia, and the clitoris. Try up and down strokes and circles of varying size. Try moving down with a firm stroke and up with a light stroke, then try the reverse. If she is too sensitive to take direct stimulation of the clitoris you can do this to one side. Try an upside down “U” – up one side, over the top, and down the other side – then reverse. When she is well aroused, try adding some penetration. Most women have stronger orgasms if the PC muscles have something to “grab,” and for some women the difference is significant. Start with one finger, try two or three is she seems to enjoy it. You can try thrusting, but don’t get carried away, your fingers are a lot harder, and have less give, than your penis, and you can easily leave her sore. You can also put in one or two fingers palm up (or insert palm down and then turn your hand over) so that your finger tips are on her G-spot. A “come hither” motion will then stimulate the G-spot. If you do this before she is well aroused it will just cause her to feel a need to urinate – if you get her good and aroused and then start gradually you should be able to avoid this. Some women will go wild for this, some will not even feel it, and most will get a slight boost in enjoyment and orgasm out of it. Again, watch for her rhythm and work with it. Be aware of how she responds during climax, and reduce stimulation as needed. When she is done lay beside her and hug … or make love to her.
Tips:
Prostate massagers
Some vibrators are better suited for prostate than others. Some prefer the use of massager’s for Prostrate Milking. Vibrators that aren’t too big, and have a gentle curve tend to work well. Some men like the feeling of pressure alone on the prostate and will use a vibrator but keep it turned off. Others enjoy the feeling of vibration and pressure. Remember to use MissBonnie and MissBitch’s mantra lots of lubricant and only toys that are safe for anal penetration.
Be patient.
Many men are used to sex play that involves a lot of quick rubbing and stimulation. Vibrators give you the chance to try something completely different. We talked about slowing down, there is no rush. Even if you find the vibe doesn’t drive you to the heights of orgasm immediately, give it chance. all good things take time. Find a place on your body where the vibration feels good and leave the vibrator there for a minute or two. Apply pressure and let the vibrations go deeper into your body. You may be pleasantly surprised by the results.
Take your batteries out.
A good tip is Get in the habit of taking your batteries out of the vibrator each time your finished using it. If you leave the batteries in the vibe may turn on to a very low speed (or you may leave it on low without knowing it) and this can both burn out the motor and make for some embarrassing moments.
»>take it from an experienced user, vibes have the annoying habit of switching one when you least expect it. MissBonnie
Also, if you leave your vibrator alone for extended periods with the batteries in, they can corrode and leak into the battery case destroying your vibrator.
Anal vibrator safety.
Don’t share sex toys unless you use a condom every time. If you’re playing with a female partner never let a sex toy that has been in the rectum go in the vagina. Always use water based lubricant when using a vibrator for anal penetration. You can put some lube on the shaft of the vibrator and with your fingers put some lube on the outside and just inside the anus. Replenish the lubricant on the vibrator throughout the sex play.
How long will the batteries last in my vibrator?
Depending on the vibrator device and what kind of batteries you’re using, you could get anywhere from 50 hours of use to just 10 hours. Smaller devices with smaller motors drain less current. Larger vibrators or ones with multiple moving parts will drain batteries more quickly. If you have a high-drain vibrator that you use frequently, it might be worthwhile to invest in some rechargeable batteries.
»>They don’t hold a charge as long as disposable batteries, but you also won’t have to spend five bucks every time they’re used up. MissBonnie
You can extend the life of your vibrator’s batteries by removing them from the toy when it is not in use and storing them separately.
How long can a vibrator be used before throwing it away?
A vibrator’s durability depends on its quality, type, and what it’s made of. A vibrator’s lifespan can be anywhere from a few months to several years. In general, don’t keep an inexpensive plastic or rubber vibrator for more than 3 years. More expensive electrical vibrators can be used until they quit working. If a vibrator is in good running condition and the material is durable, there’s no reason to discard it until it stops working. However, inexpensive vibrators have a limited lifespan due to the quality of the case and the components. In cheap vibrators, the wiring frays, the motors jam; in some cases the outside is actually the most durable part of the device. More than likely, your vibrator will give up the ghost before it becomes a hazard to anyone. Nevertheless, at a certain point, you may want to retire your mechanical buddy either for safety or aesthetic reasons. Inexpensive vibrators, if they last that long, should not be used for more than a few years. Longer than that, and the casing material is going to be getting gummy and worn out if it’s made of rubber, jelly, or Cyberskin. Plastic vibrators can get brittle, and, especially if they have been knocked around a bit, they’re subject to cracking.
Higher-end electrical vibrators, like the Hitachi Magic Wand, can last several years depending on how much you use them. The only reason to discard an electrical vibrator is if the motor develops problems, i.e., if it starts overheating, sounding funny, or smelling odd. If you use rubber or silicone attachments with your electrical vibrator, you may want to replace them after a few years if you use them frequently or if they show signs of age.
How should I store my vibrators?
Keep it in a secure, dry location where it will not be moved around a lot. Under the bed in a shoe box is usually a safe bet. Take the batteries out when you store it. You want to keep your toys clean and safe, so don’t just chuck your vibrator under the bed with the dust bunnies, where the dog might find it and mistake it for a chewy toy. Keep them in a closed container. A shoe box is fine. Wrap them in a clean t-shirt or pillow case. Put the box in a spot where it won’t be moved around a lot, under the bed, in a nightstand drawer or closet. It’s always a good idea to take the batteries out of your vibrator when storing it for two reasons: it prolongs the life of the batteries, and it eliminates the risk that the vibrator may get accidentally switched on.
My vibrator isn’t giving me an orgasm any more. What’s wrong?
There could be a couple of reasons for this. The vibrator or the batteries in it may be wearing out, so it is less effective. Alternately, you may be getting “desensitized” to the sensation of that particular vibrator. Some people find they need to switch to a different vibrator at a certain point. Also, other psychological or physiological factors may be affecting your sexual responsiveness.
If you’re not responding to your vibrator anymore, first make sure that the vibrator is working correctly. Are the vibrations still as strong? If not, the motor may be wearing out, or the batteries may be wearing out. Test it out with some fresh batteries and see if that doesn’t put the buzz back in it. It may be time for a replacement. If there’s nothing wrong with the vibrator, your sexual responsiveness may have changed. Some people report “vibrator burnout,” feeling like they become “immune” to their vibrators. Your body may simply become used to the sensations that your vibrator supplies, and they are no longer as stimulating, or you may just be bored with your vibrator. Try shopping for a new model, and find something that really excites you or provides a totally different form of stimulation. If you’ve been using a Hitachi Magic Wand, try getting a vibrating dildo or vice versa.
Try experimenting.
Some vibrator users also report a temporary decrease in sensitivity in their genitals after prolonged vibrator use. You may need to take a vacation from your vibrator and go back to manual stimulation for a while. After taking a break and coming back to it, your vibrator may seem fresh again.
Finally, there may be physical or psychological factors that are affecting your sexual response. Some medications, especially antidepressants, have sexual side effects that make it difficult to reach orgasm. Stress, depression, fatigue, and overworking can also make it hard to get turned on or to climax. If this is a persistent problem, talk to your doctor.
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information.
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