Ways Sexism STILL Influences Femdom Relationships

Sexism is inescapable — even when women place themselves in overt positions of power such as Femdom.

One of the ways BDSM is often criticised by feminists is the prevalence of the submissive woman/dominant man dynamic, particularly as it is portrayed in mainstream pornography. In those depictions, the woman is usually passive and the man dominant, reinforcing patriarchal norms. There is some truth to this criticism.

Yet there is another, equally visible portrayal of women in kink culture: the Dominatrix or ProDom. This leather-clad figure, whip or riding crop in hand, is often shown with men kneeling, worshipping her, or kissing her boots — the apparent opposite of submission.

However, despite appearing radically different, both of these archetypes are rooted in the same sexist attitudes toward women. When women of any role or orientation seek play, sex, or relationships, we remain subject to sexism — even if it takes different forms.

Even as a dominant woman, having men beg to lick the ground you walk on isn’t always empowering or “girl power.” Sometimes it’s simply the same old sexism, dressed up in D/s language.

Dominant Women Are Still Seen as Sex Dispensers

On kink-related sites like FetLife, women — particularly dominant women — are often approached as though they exist solely to provide sexual access. The assumption is simple: She’s on a kink site, therefore she must want sex.

Dominant women receive plenty of messages, but they’re wrapped in a different tone. Instead of overt crudeness, the language is exaggeratedly polite and submissive:

My Lady,
I humbly approach Your Greatness in the hope of serving You. I enjoy pegging, licking boots, chastity, and spankings…

I made that example up — but only barely. This is the tone many dominant women encounter daily.

While the delivery differs, the message underneath is the same:
“Please cater to my fetishes.”
“You are not a person to me — you are a fantasy.”

These messages frequently ignore clearly stated boundaries or preferences. The sender lists what he wants, without checking whether the woman has any interest in providing it. The fact that she is the dominant partner — with her own agency and desires — seems irrelevant.

Dominant Women Are Treated as Interchangeable

Spend any time in female-domination forums and you’ll see a familiar complaint:
“There are too many male subs and not enough dominant women!”

The people making this complaint are almost always men — usually men frustrated that they can’t find a dominant woman to sleep with. They often insist they would be the perfect submissive, that they would do anything to please a dominant woman.

But notice what’s missing: interest in a specific woman.

It isn’t about connection, compatibility, or shared values. It’s about finding any dominant woman to fill the role. The woman herself becomes interchangeable — a body that exists to fulfil the fantasy of “dominant woman.”

This objectification doesn’t just happen online. At kink events, male submissive newcomers often arrive expecting to kneel at the feet of any dominant woman and be granted a scene. To them, the event functions like a live-action porn set — not a social space full of real people.

“You Should Date Me Because I’m Submissive”

Another way sexism shows up is through what might be called the Nice Submissive Syndrome — the submissive version of the “nice guy.”

These men believe dominant women owe them attention, scenes, or relationships simply because they offer submission. Like nice guys who complain about women dating “jerks,” they insist their submissiveness is somehow purer, deeper, or more deserving than everyone else’s.

When a dominant woman talks about the challenges of finding a partner, here he appears — declaring he would cater to her every need. What he usually means is that she should cater to his, while being grateful for the opportunity.

Submission becomes leverage, rather than a negotiated dynamic.

We Cannot Escape Sexism

If my own experiences — and those of my dominant friends — are any indication, dominant women are forced to navigate a world where they are treated as interchangeable fetish objects and sexual service providers.

Dominant women are heavily fetishised — in some ways even more so than submissive women. Their power is stripped from their humanity, dressed in black leather and corsets, and packaged for male consumption.

When dominant women seek real, fulfilling relationships, they often face stereotypes that are more rigid and limiting than those placed on submissive women. The fantasy of dominance leaves little room for complexity, vulnerability, or autonomy.

Sadly, being a sexually dominant woman does not free you from sexism. It simply changes the costume it wears unless you speak up and make changes.

Author :Lady Tegan G and Lady Teagan Geppetto and MissBonnie Copyright CollarNcuffs 2026 (c)