Ben Wa balls originated in Japan and were originally called Rin No Tama. In their original form they consisted of three metal covered balls linked by a delicate chain with a silk string for retrieval. The first ball was meant to keep the other two balls in place to massage the g-spot and the vaginal opening. Women wore these balls not to bring themselves to orgasm but to enjoy a lasting teasing sensation. Modern sets work similarly, so don’t expect fireworks–this isn’t a toy designed to stimulate the clitoris. The most popular modern version is duo-tone balls, which are two or four metal spheres encased in hard plastic and linked with a cord for easy retrieval. The metal balls rock back and forth inside their plastic casings and vibrate, massaging the vaginal walls as the wearer moves. Another variation, the Smart Balls, has the balls encased in high-density, non-porous plastic. This one comes in all the colors of the rainbow and has the many advantages of any other non-porous toy.
[ NOTE: I do not recommend using any version of Ben-Wa balls that does not provide a cord or loop for easy removal. Traditional Ben-Wa balls can be awkward to remove yourself because, although the vagina isn’t all that deep, it is angled enough that deeply-inserted balls can be hard to reach.]
The debate about these things lies in the fact that the stimulation they provide can be very subtle, and some women say they don’t feel anything at all. This doesn’t mean that Ben Wa balls, in whatever form, are not pleasurable. Even if the sensations aren’t powerful, just knowing you’re walking around with a little secret inside can be a tremendous turn-on. Ben-Wa balls have been used throughout their history as a subtle all-day distraction just strong enough to make a woman really anticipate arriving home. Of course having these balls inserted can also greatly add to the pleasure of clitoral stimulation; for some, the internal sensation is delightful on its own. Removing them is as important to their use as wearing them around all day. Try pulling them out slowly at or just after climax to see what I mean.
It’s been years since I last tried Ben Wa balls so, in the name of science, I decided to brush up. Figuring a set of two would be enough, I grabbed a pair of duo-tone balls ($9.95) and with the help of a little lube slipped them into place. I went about my day and although I couldn’t feel any vibrations as such their presence was more than a little pleasurable. Both balls settled just within my vagina and provided a real sense of fullness. The second ball pressed against the opening with a pleasantly firm and insistent sensation. To quote Susie Bright: “almost in/almost out is my preferred method of going insane.” If anyone knows about these things it’s Susie. Of course, she was talking about using large Chinese metal relaxation balls – but most women would really have to work up to that. Ben Wa balls can be titillating or downright enjoyable, and any woman who is interested would find using them a fun experience.
I’ve fielded many questions about these little toys. Will anyone be able to hear them clicking? Won’t they fall out? Will they get lost in my vagina and end up somewhere near my ovaries? The answers in order are No, No, and My god go back to Biology class! Ben Wa balls can be a good introduction for those new to the sex toy world or put off by “The Destroyer.” They’re non-phallic, inexpensive, and an interesting addition to your tickle trunk.
A version of this article appeared in Brink magazine (August 1, 1998).by Shelley Taylor This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License
Many folks equate sex toys with vibrators and vibrators with women. But men enjoy all kinds of sex toys (including vibrators) and one of the staples of their toy box is the cock ring in and out of Femdom play scenes. A great toy for solo or partner play, the cock ring (also known as a penis ring) is a strip of material or a continuous ‘O’ ring designed to restrict the blood from flowing out of the penis, which can prolong an erection.
Why would I want to wear one?
Several reasons!
1) The pressure caused by constriction can be a very pleasurable sensation, and can heighten sensitivity in the penis and testicles, not to mention strengthen and prolong orgasm.
2) Since cock rings constrict the veins that would allow blood to drain out of an erection, some men find that wearing them can make their erections firmer, or even give them a little extra girth.
3) Some men (not all) find they cannot ejaculate while wearing a ring; this can give more ‘staying power’ or a lovely, frustrating tease.
4) They’re pretty! Cockrings present the genitals as an attractive ‘package’ by making them more physically pronounced, as well as having a sexy, aesthetic effect.
Will cock rings make my penis bigger?
Sorry guys, but not in the long run. They may enlarge it temporarily, but repeated use of cock rings won’t result in any permanent changes.
A cock ring is most often used to make an erect penis harder and bigger, to keep it that way for a longer amount of time, and to delay and heighten orgasm. Cock rings work by constricting blood flow, keeping blood in the shaft of the penis. When a wearer finally does ejaculate, the sensation is more intense, since it took a longer time to come, and because the penis is filled with additional blood.
Men use cock rings with partners and/or by themselves. Some are actual rings as their name suggests, made of metal or rubber. Since these cock rings are not adjustable, the right size needs to be chosen for a proper fit. For example, one that fits too tightly could be hard to remove and could cut off circulation in the penis entirely. Metal rings can cause a rash or other skin reactions in some men, so this is something to consider when shopping around. Adjustable cock rings made of rawhide or leather straps are easier for beginners to use since the fit can be changed, and taking them off is more manageable. Avoid using cock ring substitutes; rubber bands, binder clips, and vices, for example, cause too much constriction.
Cock rings fit over the shaft and the testicles/scrotum when a man is not erect. Ball by ball, the testicles go through, then the penis shaft dives in head first through the remaining ring space. The ideal cock ring stays in place when the penis is soft, yet it can fairly easily slip off or unsnap when the penis is hard. Lube can be added to make putting rings on and taking them off a little easier – something that works for finger and toe rings, too.
SIZING
Adult-oriented stores with genital jewelery departments sometimes have fitting rooms where you can try on merchandise. If you’re into advanced planning, you, or your partner, can measure your penile girth, or approximate how many of your fingers bunched together equal the thickness of their fleshy friend. The flexibility of rubber and other elasticized cock rings allows a greater range of fit for more differently endowed men, but they are not one-size-fits-all. Or on the other hand you can use this formula: To find the diameter of a snug-fitting ring, measure the distance around the cock and balls (at the base, behind the scrotum), and then divide by 3.1. Don’t go smaller than that– you don’t want to get stuck.
Safety
For safety and pleasure, a cock ring needs to increase the size of the erection only slightly. If you notice more pronounced swelling, then the fit is too tight. In that case, take the cock ring off immediately. It’s also vital for men to take off their cock ring at the first sign of pain or if the genitals feel cold. In addition, it’s dangerous to leave a ring on for too long, including wearing one to sleep when spontaneous erections are all the rage. An erection of several hours can cause blood coagulation in the penis, making it difficult to lose the erection. This is called priapism, a prolonged erection. Since new blood cannot enter the penis, this can be severely painful and cause permanent damage to the erectile tissue. If this happens to you, seek medical attention as soon as possible, and don’t worry – the staff at the ER has seen this before.
Another place you might want to forgo a cock ring around your penis is the airport. In these high-security times, metal detectors will catch some of these penis-erectors that are tricky to explain and/or remove for closer inspection.
Cautions!
Because they restrict blood flow, cockrings should not be worn for more than 20-30 minutes at a time, as doing so could damage the blood vessels of the penis. Again, the ring should Be snug, not tight. When using metal cockrings, size matters! A too-small ring that fits when you are soft might be painfully tight when you’re erect. In that case, your choices are ejaculation (if you Can), applying ice, or a trip to the emergency room to cut the ring off. Until you have some experience, it’s advisable to use rings that can be taken off quickly and easily.
Pick a Style, Any Style
There are many kinds of cock rings, but if you’re new to cock rings, you’ll want to choose one that’s adjustable and easy to remove.
Cock rings that fasten
Basic leather or nylon cock rings are great for beginners because they’re easy to put on and can be removed in (literally) a snap. Those with snaps can fit a bit more securely, while those with Velcro closures are very adjustable and especially easy to remove.
Continuous, O-ring-style cock rings.
The less expensive styles like the are great for first-time users. They’re not size-specific (and despite their small size, they do stretch a lot), and they’re not too difficult to get on. Some, like the Black Megastretch (http://store.babeland.com/men-cock-rings/black-megastretch-cock-ring), are adorned with small nubs which can give some clitoral stimulation if worn during intercourse.
These offer an extra buzz to the penis or testicles and are also great fun during partner sex. They’re typically rings with a small vibrating attachment, like the translucent Diamond Ring () vibe or the Sonic Ring Kit (http://store.babeland.com/men-cock-rings/sonic-ring-kit).
Cock rings with fancy features.
Experienced cock ring fans can delight in more complicated leather rings that include multiple straps, testicle separators, or weights, as well as rings made of inflexible materials like aluminium.
Get it on, and then get off!
Prep your gear.
If you’re using a stretchy O-ring, you might want to increase its diameter by putting it over a shampoo bottle for a few hours. Masturbate or fantasize in order to perk up your penis, as cock rings are easier to put on if you’re semi-erect.
Lube up.
Particularly if you’re using a rubber or seamless O-ring, put some lube on your penis and balls, so the cock ring will slide on more comfortably.
Location, location, location.
Cock rings typically are worn around the base of the cock and the balls. You can just wear it on the shaft (and by all means experiment), but cock rings function the most effectively when secured around both the scrotum and cock.
Put cock rings on when you’re semi-erect.
If you’ve got a solid cock ring, first pull the loose skin of your scrotum through, then drop one testicle through, then the other, and finally push your penis through. If you’re using a strip of material that fastens, just gently lift your balls and fasten the strip around the penis and the balls, so it’s resting between your genitals and the rest of your body.
Masturbate.
Once you’ve become accustomed to the sensations your cock ring creates, try masturbating. If your ring is the vibrating type, you can experiment with pointing the vibrating portion on your testicles for an extra buzz.
Make a statement.
Get into the fantasy surrounding your cock ring Whether you’re showing off a festive adornment as part of a striptease, wearing it under your clothes to show off your package, or telling your lover you’re proud to be submissive by wearing a locking cock ring, play up the erotic potential of your toy. Cock rings are fun for silicone dicks, too! Strap a colourful or sexy leather ring on a dildo to dress it up.
Share it with a friend.
Vibrating cock rings were designed to offer female partners clitoral stimulation during intercourse. Position the vibrator near the top of your cock (or the dildo if you’ve got a strap-on) so that during intercourse it bumps up against her clitoris. Keep your body down parallel to hers and try slow, shallow thrusts to make sure she receives consistent contact with the vibrator. Or try it with her on top, moving in more of a grinding than up-and-down motion.
Accessorize.
Cock rings lend themselves well to other sex toy combinations. Try using applying a cock ring and adding a butt plug to your masturbation session.
Get it off.
In general, it’s best to take off your cock ring after about twenty minutes. Pay attention to the penis; it should never turn cold or go numb (clear signs you’ve had the cock ring on too long). To remove a solid O-ring style cock ring, you need to be only semi-erect so the ring is loose enough to feed your dick and balls back through. (Applying ice can help take down a stubborn erection.) Worn to look hot and ready for sex, or just to feel good, cock rings can double your pleasure and create a sexy package-think of them as form and function in one!
What the hell is a harness? What type is the best for Femdom and pegging? So your partner has said he wants you to use a harness on him? Why does he want this? But I don’t know what to do ? Or where to start ?How do I use it?
Table of Contents
Calm. Lets start at the beginning
How about we start at the beginning…take a breath We’ll help you, your not alone. Lets tackle your questions one by one. A strap-on dildo (also strap-on, dildo harness) is a dildo designed to be worn (usually in a harness) by one partner and used to penetrate another partner vaginally, anally or orally, used by both heterosexual and homosexual couples. For a woman, a strap-on can be used to anally penetrate a man (pegging), for vaginal or anal lesbian intercourse, or for artificial fellatio.
For a man, a strap-on can be worn for penetrative sex, and may be used in cases of erectile dysfunction, for double penetration, or to penetrate multiple partners. A wide variety of harnesses and dildos are available, with different ways of fitting the wearer, attaching the dildos, stimulating the wearer or the receiver, and all with different features, advantages, and drawbacks for both users.
The topic of anal pleasure is rarely openly spoken about. More than likely this is because any talk of anal pleasure tends to bring out feelings of embarrassment in most people (particularly men). Despite the hush hush on the subject, however, there is a growing interest to learn about the topic of anal pleasure. In this article I will go over various ways you can pleasure your lover anally. Both men and women can enjoy anal pleasure. You are probably aware of this but what you may not be aware of is that men and women enjoy anal pleasure for different reasons (physically speaking). Women enjoy anal pleasure because their is a wall of skin that is shared by their pussy and their rectum. Women’s sexual nerves are actually closer to this side of the wall than they are to the other side. Men enjoy anal pleasure because through their anus their prostate is stimulated.
Ok you have your willing partner, so our first step, is going to be, what harness your going to need ?
Harness come in may types, and shapes. grab a drink settle in and learn what is what. We have compiled a general list of harness with the idea you can find what most suits your needs.
The first part of a strap-on setup is the harness, which connects the dildo to the wearer’s body, usually in a position similar to that of a male’s genitals. A good harness should be sturdy yet comfortable, and is often designed to provide stimulation for the wearer. Many different types of harnesses are available, with different features and drawbacks, and which harness is best is often a matter of taste, as there is no one “right” answer. Some dildos do not need a harness or are built onto one; for these, please see the sections on dildo types and dildo attachment methods
2-strap harness
In its most basic form, is similar to a g-string. One strap goes around the wearer’s waist, like a belt, while the other goes between his/her legs and connects to the other strap in the middle at the lower back. While these are simple, many people find them uncomfortable because to the strap rubs against the anus and other areas, and they sometimes do not hold the dildo very firmly, causing it to sag, flop, or twist.
3-strap harnesses
also have one strap around the wearer’s waist, but instead of one strap between the legs, have two straps, one around each thigh, rejoining the first strap near the front. This design leaves the genitals and anus uncovered, and attaches the dildo much more firmly, giving the wearer more control. However, not all people find this design comfortable, and sometimes they are hard to make fit properly or tend to slip. 2 straps or 3? 3 straps or 4?- A variation on these designs, usually on harnesses which mount the dildo substantially lower (on or near the vaginal opening) rather than higher up, has a continual waistband that is not part of the dildo mount or backing, with a V-shaped pair of straps in the front, and either the single strap between the legs or the two straps around the thighs. The former of these is called a 3-strap, and the latter a 4-strap, however most of the aspects of their design and use (such as a strap over the anus, etc) are the same as 2-strap and 3-strap harnesses, respectively.
Other Harness types
Corsets and other clothing items- Strap-on harnesses built into various clothing items are available, most often as a corset or other item of lingerie. Some are designed to be worn underneath normal clothing for quick use (if done with the dildo in place, either to give the appearance of a penis or to be able to quickly initiate intercourse, this is sometimes called packing), while others take advantage of the additional strength and sturdiness an item of clothing can provide over a few straps, or just to integrate the strap-on into an erotic outfit. Thigh, Chin, and other locations- Harnesses are not limited to the crotch, and indeed many types are available for other body parts. A popular one is a thigh harness, which attaches a dildo to the wearer’s thigh (or other part of the legs or arms, though this is much less common), allowing for many unique positions, as penetration is no longer limited to what could be done with a penis. Another unusual design attaches a dildo to the chin of the wearer, allowing vaginal penetration while performing cunnilingus.
Furniture, beach balls, and other objects- Harnesses are available to attach dildos to just about any household object, allowing for many creative uses. A dildo could be attached to a chair, bed, or any other item of furniture, and penetrate someone during other activities, with or without a partner. Another item, while not technically a harness, but worth mentioning, is an inflatable ball, usually 9 to 18 inches (250 to 500 mm) diameter, made of sturdy rubber designed to support the weight of one or two people, with an attachment for a dildo on it. This allows many unique positions, such as double penetration for a woman by laying face down on the ball for vaginal penetration while her partner penetrates her anally doggy style, which is much more effective than a solid object due to the “bounce” of the ball. These inflatable balls are also quite popular for solo use.
materials
Harnesses are available in many different materials, and the choice of which to use depends greatly on individual preference.
Leather
Leather is generally considered the best material, and most professional harnesses use it. It is comfortable, adjusts to the wearer’s body, soft, and fits well, but still is strong and not prone to stretching during use. Leather may be slightly harder to clean and require a bit more work to take care of than other materials, however this is usually only a problem with very heavily used harnesses and while not as comfortable as leather, are often much more affordable and may be more durable than leather, as well as being easier to clean and not needing any maintenance.
Cloth
Cloth is used mostly for clothing harnesses such as corsets and other lingerie, although is occasionally used by extremely inexpensive harnesses, which are often uncomfortable or useless. Construction of lingerie harnesses is similar to most normal items of clothing, although they may use substantially thicker material to give the strength needed to support a dildo firmly. .Plastics- Some harnesses are made with soft plastic, such as flexible vinyl. These are often available in unique colors, such as completely transparent, which is not possible with other materials. The downside is they’re possibly less comfortable than other materials, and may be difficult to make fit well, however they tend to be very easy to clean and reasonably rugged.
Latex, rubber, and PVC
Latex harnesses usually cover the entire area, rather than just using straps. They tend to be medium-priced, and have a limited lifespan, especially if used with oil-based lubricants. Latex can require much care, such as special cleaners or shiners to keep it from turning dry and dusty. Latex harnesses may or may not have the dildo (s) molded as part of the harness, and in either case, they tend to be floppy due to the flexibility of the latex. Similar harnesses are also available made of rubber or PVC, and are similar to latex harnesses, although PVC tends to be much less flexible and elastic
Synthetics (Nylon, synthetic leather, foam)
Nylon webbing and soft foam-like synthetic leather are also common
OK still with us ?
So now you’ve chosen your harness type and material, next step is going to be what we use with it. So here we go again with the lists. The most noticeable feature of any strap-on setup is the dildo used. A wide variety of dildos are available, and while the choices may be limited by the type of harness in use, generally one can choose from several common types. This section discusses the shape and features of the penetrating end of the dildo, not of the entire dildo or how it’s attached.
The “standard”
dildo has a non-tapered or slightly tapered shaft, and often has an enlarged head, similar to a penis. The shaft may be slightly curved, but if it is strongly curved, it is often classified as a g-spot/prostate dildo as well. This type is by far the most popular, both for vaginal and anal use, although some beginners prefer a probe type dildo. Depending on the type of harness the dildo is meant for, it may have molded testicles as part of the base, which many people say gives more pleasure and helps keep the dildo from “bottoming out.” Standard dildos are the most common by a large margin, and are available in virtually any length and width, material, texture, etc.
Vac-u-lock-
Used primarily by Doc Johnson, Vac-u-lock dildos have a rippled hollow in their base, which fits onto a matching plug on the harness or other toy. The advantage of this design is the dildo is firmly attached and can not easily rotate, and does not tend to flop downwards or slip like ring harnesses, as well as there being a wide variety of other devices the dildos can be attached to, such as handles and inflatable balls. The disadvantage is the relatively low availability and high cost of compatible attachments. A number of brands have non-compatible clones of the vac-u-lock system, but dildos and accessories for them are virtually unavailable.
Strapless (Feeldoe)-
A recent design is a strapless strap-on, designed to hold itself in a woman’s vagina with an egg-shaped bulb, and does not require the use of a harness. This differs from a double dildo, in which both ends are symmetrical, as a double dildo can not hold itself in place in one partner while penetrating the other partner. The advantages of this design is that it can be used without any preparation, making using it much more spontaneous, that it provides deep internal thrusting to both partners, and that it can be more comfortable than having to wear a possibly bulky harness. However, it has the disadvantage that it may require strong muscles to use, and it may take practice to be comfortable with one. (I’ve personally found the feeldoe in a two or three strap harness to be the best option for myself) so now we will move onto the attactments in greater depth.
Double dildos-
A double dildo can be used with or without a harness, although most provide no means of using them with a harness. A double dildo, as its name implies, is a dildo in which both ends are designed for insertion, and often is 18 inches (500 mm) or more long. While special ones meant for use with a harness do exist, a normal double dildo is straight, is rarely at a comfortable angle for intercourse, and jabs into the cervix of a woman using one. However, double dildos can be used for a variety of creative positions for which a harness would be awkward, such as both partners in doggy style positions or sitting facing each other.
One-piece latex-
(see pic marked standard). Some harnesses and dildos are made of a single piece of molded latex, with the dildo permanently built into the front. These are often inexpensive, shoddy products, although higher quality ones are available. The advantages are simple use and an appearance some people find erotic, but this is often outweighed by the inability to use a different dildo, the often weak, floppy nature of the dildo, the inability to adjust to a given person for a comfortable fit, and their relatively short lifespan. Straps directly attached to the dildo- Some very cheap “strap-on dildos” have straps or attachments for straps directly molded into the material of the dildo. This design is very flimsy, and is only used on the cheapest of cheap products. They are essentially useless for the traditional purpose of a strap-on dildo (one partner penetrating another using a dildo in a position similar to a penis), but can be strapped around chairs and other objects for a variety of interesting activities.
Still awake yeah I know I’m boring you, but that’s all the hard stuff out of the way. So by now you know what you want in a harness and attachment, so what are you waiting for? The stores await…go on…go shopping.
Well just a little longer and you’ll be ready. Next up we’ll cover Positions while just about any sexual position that can be done with a penis can be done with a strap-on (as well as others), there’s a few in particular that should be mentioned.
Doggy style-
Doggy style is popular, as it’s simple, easy, and allows deep thrusting. The receptive partner kneels down with his (or her face) against the bed (or other surface), and is penetrated from behind. This position works well for both vaginal and anal penetration, and allows deep, smooth strokes, however it sometimes stimulates the prostate less than other positions during pegging.
Missionary-
The missionary position is also popular, and allows both partners to cuddle, see each other, kiss, or perform other activities during intercourse. When used for anal penetration, a pillow or other object (specially made foam cushions are available for this purpose, but their effectiveness over a pillow or two is debatable) placed under the buttocks of the receiver will elevate the anus to a comfortable position and angle.
The uses for a strap-on are limited only by the imagination of the user, and virtually all positions “normal” sex can be had in can also be done with a strap on, plus with thigh, furniture, ride-on ball, and other harnesses, many more that can’t be done normally. Two people can simultaneously penetrate each other, for example, and virtually any other idea that that can be thought of (and obeys the laws of physics) can be done with a strap-on or two.
Don’t forget
When pleasuring your partner anally, you must remember to be very, very gentle. No matter how many times you and your partner may have tried it, you must still be gentle. If it will be the first time you and your partner will try it, then expect it to be very painful when you start. You must take your time, be slow, and gentle. It may be required that your partner may need time for you to just be still so they can adjust to the feeling of your strapon cock inside of their anus. You can’t go in and just start pounding away, especially if you are doing it with someone that has never experienced anal sex (it is not in a porn movie). Also you don’t want to tear anything…
Another reason you must be gentle, and very careful about what you are doing is because it is very easy to tear the skin inside of the anus. And trust me, it doesn’t feel too good to get ripped up in there!
How do I ‘talk’ about harness play.
If you are thinking about bringing up the topic of anal sex with your partner then please remember to be very sensitive, not only about how you bring the topic up, but be sensitive to your partner’s feelings as well. Your partner may have been thinking about bringing the topic up too, but they also may be one of those people who were dreading the question ever being asked. So be sensitive to their feelings. You also must be prepared to be patient. It may take them some time to warm up to the idea, and it certainly will take them time to get use to doing the actual act. You have to work your way up to going faster and deeper, you can’t start off that way. Listen to your partner, let them be your guide. Anal sex should be a pleasurable as possible for both of you.
There are a few positions that make anal entry easier which we will now go over. In the first position, your partner should be on their knees and elbows, bent over. If your partner has something under their chest like a pillow or a blanket they may be more comfortable. Your partner should try to relax as much as possible. If it will help them, try to get them to think about something other than what you are about to do. Once the anus is relaxed, it’s not only much easier for you to penetrate it, but it also hurts less for your partner. In the second positions your partner should lay on their back with their knees up. Once again, a pillow or a blanket may make them feel a little more comfortable. Place the pillow or blanket under their butt this time. The extra height will help you to enter the anus more easily. And in the third position, your partner would lay on their side. Their legs can be either spread apart as if they were taking a step forward, or they could bring their upper leg up to their chest. There are other ways they may positions their legs if they wish. They should do what ever feels comfortable for them.
…The next topic I would like to discuss is anal cleanliness
Of course it goes without saying that your partner’s anus should be cleaned both before and after anal sex, or anal play for that matter. If you happen to be the one to clean your female partner’s anus after you’ve had anal sex then always, always remember to wipe her front to back. This is extremely important because you could give her a yeast infection if you don’t, which would be very unpleasant for her.
Your partner should try to have a bowel movement before you engage in anal sex/anal play. This will reduce the chances that it will turn up during your anal pleasure session. However, it is possible that it still may show up, so be prepared for that. If you’re going to stick it there then you have to expect to deal with that sort of thing at one time or another. Just deal with it as best you can. Chances are your partner would be more embarrassed and or mortified than you would be, so be sensitive to that as well.
Lubrication is the next important issue to discuss.
When practicing anal sex you and your partner should discuss what kind, of lube you plan to use. There are oil based lubricant out there, such as Vaseline, petrolatum, and other oil based lubricants not only make penetration easier, but can also act as an insulator of sorts against any potential “material” that might surface, that you may consider using. However, also consider that latex dildo are damaged by oil based lubricants. Oil based lubricants have also been linked infections, so while acting as an guard to lessen ‘scat’ they may be potentially harmful. There are water based lubricants to consider . When pegging, even more than for other forms of anal sex, proper selection and quantity of lube is extremely important. Many dildos do not “hold” lube as well as a penis would, and a thicker or better adhering lube will likely perform much better with water based lubes being the most popular and readily avail bile. Discuss which type of lubricant you think would be best with your partner. You may even try a few different kinds of lubricant out to see which one you both prefer.
When preparing to have anal sex with your partner you may consider playing around with them a little bit instead of getting right to the actual act. Take some time to build up the mood and get you both excited. Spend some time going down on, or paying attention to their genitals as well don’t completely ignore those!!). You also might want to prepare your partner’s anus for entry by licking it and/or fingering it. Once again, let your partner be your guide. They will tell you what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, how fast or slow to go.
If you’re going to lick their anus, my suggestion would be to start off slow and gentle. Don’t penetrate it right away. Spend some time gliding your tongue around and across the hole. This will loosen up and prepare the anus to open up. Then, gradually, you can start to penetrate the hole with your tongue. Pay attention to your partner’s actions and reactions to see what they like or don’t like on top of getting them to guide you. Or if they don’t guide you at all, this would be a good way to tell what you should and shouldn’t keep doing.
If you plan on fingering your partner then be sure to trim down your nails. Fingernails can and will cut the inside of your partner’s anus, and that can be very painful. , so be careful. Be very careful about how you penetrate the anus with your ‘cock’ too. I say this because if you do it wrong it can be a lot more painful than it would be if it were done correctly. Don’t shove the whole thing in all at once. Slide in a little bit at a time. This is also very important. It should take you a good bit of time to get the whole length of your ‘penis’ inside. The actual amount of time will depend on your partner (remember let your partner be your guide?). Some strap-on dildos come with batteries and vibrate as an added feature to increase the user’s pleasure. Set the vibrating element on “low” to start, and increase the intensity according to your preference.
Once you are completely inside you won’t be moving in and out completely right away either. It’s going to take a lot of patience. But once you have gotten to where your partner says it’s alright for you to move in and out as you please, you should both experience a great deal of pleasure. Pleasure that will be well worth all the time and effort you put in to getting to that point.
The thrusting part will be difficult, specifically, keeping a rhythm going, and that’s for both of us. I think the key is to take your time at first and try different positions. if you have time, try even more positions.. a woman and doesn’t naturally fuck in this way, so watch lots of porn and take notes of what positions the Ladies are in when using a strap-on, They say practice makes perfect.
I know I’ve spoken a lot about pain and the like during this article, but that’s only because the things I’ve discussed should be taken very seriously. If you and your partner take caution and do things properly then this experience should be very enjoyable for both of you. Just remember to communicate, be gentle, take things slow, and be sensitive and everything should work out well.
Wash your strap-on dildo before and after each use.
EDIT
I just received a Email from an emerging Domme I’ve been ‘mentoring’ she has tried her harness for the first time, she has allowed me to post an extract of email here since we both felt it was relevant to the topic at hand ‘The issue of feeling too masculine’
That was a big fear that I had and I know a fear that many other women have as well. Some of us want to remain very girly during the whole ‘donning a penis’ experience. I can say that the concern didn’t even cross my mind. I didn’t feel self-conscious for a moment, but I really think it’s because I spent a lot of time picking out a harness and a dildo that I felt very comfortable with and that I felt looked good on me. Some may feel that my vanity issues during my search were a little extreme ( I know your laughing still Bon,) but I believe that because I was so extreme at that time, I was even surer of myself at the time of play. Besides, I’m a woman, there’s nothing manly about me normally, so adding a strap-on can’t possibly turn me into a man in my b/f’ s mind. Thank you !!
Do not hurry and do not purchase the first anal sex toy you see. First of all you should take into account some things and answer some questions. This will help you to choose an anal sex toy which will suit you best and will make your anal play especially enjoyable.
Such things as personal preferences (some people love smooth penetration, whereas others want to be penetrated with something ribbed), the size, material and your budget are very important. Take all these things into account and we will help you to decide what anal sex toy will suit you best.
What kind of anal stimulation you like?
First of all try to answer this question as one of the most important things which influence your choice is your personal preferences.
Do you want to experience sensation of fullness in the anus?
In this case you should purchase a smooth Butt plug. Butt plugs are similar to dildos, but they do differ from these sex toys. First of all, being designed for anal penetration they are thinner than usual dildos. Secondly, their flared base does not allow the toy to be lost in the rectum. The variety of butt plugs is great, so choose your first butt plug carefully. The only thing we can suggest first timers is to choose a thin butt plug. You can buy a thicker one when you become experienced anal sex lover.
The way you will use your butt plug depends on your preferences. You can wear it during partner sex, masturbation or simply while walking. Anyway, you will get great sexual pleasure.
Do you want to experience more intensive anal stimulation?
Then perhaps you should choose a textured butt plug or an anal stimulator, for instance a shaped plug, which perfectly stimulates prostate. Do you know that vibration inside the anus can be as enjoyable as stimulation of testicles with a vibrator. Anal vibrators are used not only for stimulation. Vibrations relax anal muscles thus allowing you to go further, for instance to begin anal intercourse. So if you feel like stimulating your anus with enjoyable vibrations than choose among great variety of vibrators.
Choose carefully, as anal vibrators do differ. They can vibrate, rotate, pulsate and do many other things. Choose one which will suit you best!
If you want your anal sex toy to enhance your erotic sensations, than you should choose anal beads which look like two or more balls or beads connected with a thread. People use this anal sex toy to insert in the anus and then to pull it out at the moment of orgasm thus making enjoyment much stronger.
Consider the size
Take into account the fact that all anal sex toys are available in a variety of sizes. Perhaps your first anal sex toy should be the slimmest one. Then you can buy a thicker butt plug . Step by step you will realize what size suits you best, but we do recommend you than your first anal sex toy should be as slim as possible. The same concerns anal beads – for the first time choose the smallest ones, after some time you will decide whether you would like something bigger.
Consider material
As you understand anal sex toys are made of various materials. Some of them are flexible, others are more rigid. Some materials are porous, whereas others are nonporous and thus they are easier to clean and to care for. So before buying an anal sex toy find out what material it is made as well as all properties of this material and only after that make the final choice. To learn more about sex toys materials see our toy materials page
Consider your budget
Keep in mind that the material an anal sex toy is made of greatly influences the toy’s price. Most expensive anal sex toys are made of silicone, whereas less expensive ones might be made of jelly or vinyl. As well take into account that vibrating anal sex toys are more expensive than ones which do not vibrate. Take into account all things mentioned above and shop for your first anal sex toy.
Ok, I have anal beads, what now, how do I use Anal beads? Anal beads are a sex toy consisting of multiple balls attached in series. Individual balls are continuously inserted through the anus into the rectum and then removed with varying speeds depending on the desired effect. The main use of anal beads are for sexual stimulation.
When it comes to buying your first anal plug, it’s important to consider the size that is right for you. The size of the plug can greatly impact your comfort and overall experience. Here are some factors to keep in mind
A strap-on harness is a versatile sex toy that allows individuals to engage in strap-on play. Whether you’re a beginner or an experienced user Here we provide some steps to help you use a strap-on harness. How to find the perfect fit for you. What materials you should consider and what system or attachment. Remember, practice makes perfect when it comes to using a strap-on harness. Take your time, explore different positions, and enjoy the experience with your partner. when you engaging in strap-on play, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about their desires, boundaries, and consent. Mutual communication and consent are essential for a pleasurable experience.
lube what lube for what occasion? there is ALWAYS time for lube!
Anal play For various reasons anal play or sex – yes, there is a difference -appeals to many people who are into the many forms of erotic power exchange, and Femdom/ BDSM. Although personal motivations may vary, the need for the submissive to actively cooperate as well as the fact that many people have a mental barrier here are the most common factors for this subject’s popularity. Anal play is certainly not without risks, so you should be very aware of what you are doing. When you understand and know how to minimize them, the risks are minimal.
P spot Milking – Locating and Milking the male P spot (includes Video
Key elements of a successful prostate massage I don’t profess to be the guru of p-spot stimulation, but I’d like to think that I’ve been pretty successful with it, so here’s what it is that I do.
It may sound kind of crazy, but these special beads are designed to take advantage of the pleasant sensations that can occur as your sphincter muscles open and close around a series of small round objects. When withdrawn at the peak of orgasm, you may experience an erotic thrill unlike any other. If you’re already discovered the joys of anal play with your Femdom activities you owe it to yourself to give this toy a try, either with self play or with your chosen Femdom partner.
What Are Anal Beads?
Anal beads are basically a series of small round beads spaced evenly along a cord (or sometimes attached to a stalk). Some beads are evenly sized, while others sport spheres that gradually increase as you work your way along the string. ·
Made of simple, jelly rubber, String beads (pic1) are great for first-time anal adventurers, as they’re relatively inexpensive and have a nice texture. (Note that since this material can’t be 100% disinfected by boiling like silicone can, we don’t recommend sharing this toy).
(pic3) can be cleaned easier are hygienic, extremely comfortable, and easy to clean. On top of that they warm to the body quickly and can take on the vibration of a toy that’s held to its base.
Beaded dildos like the Ripple (pic4) operate on the same principle as the beads, but are set along a firmer stalk or dildo.
How Do They Work?
Beads are like any other kind of butt plug with an added bonus: as each bead is inserted, the sphincter muscles contract and relax around each one for extra sensation. Some folks love the feeling of having them pulled out all at once during the moment of orgasm
How Do I Use Them?
Remember the anal mantra when it comes to butt play: “communication, lubrication, and relaxation.” that’s MissBonnies Mantra! If you’re new to anal play, you might want to learn more in our beginner’s guide to butt sex.
1.Communication counts! Whether you’re using anal beads alone or with a Femdom partner you want to stay focused on what your body or your Femdom partner is telling you. Playing together? Check in with your submissive with simple questions: Do you need more lube? Would it feel better to add more stimulation on other body parts? Are you ready for another bead? Is it time to pull them out?
2.Get a lube job. Since the butt doesn’t self-lubricate, it’s important to apply lots of lubricant (try a nice thick water-based lube), to your beads, and be prepared to add more as action progresses.
3.Make sure you’re turned on. Read your favorite eroticia or watch some Femdom DVD’s. Listen to your partner talk dirty, but get yourself in the mood. Some people like to have an orgasm before heading for the back door to ensure their whole body is relaxed and blood is really pumping through the genitals, which can make the anus more sensitive.
4.Gently caress the anus. Tap lightly or massage the anal area in preparation.
5.Go slow. Take your time and insert the first bead. Stop for a moment and let your body adjust to the sensation. Insert the beads slooowly, allowing yourself to really savor the sensation. Stop to add extra lube when you need to. There’s no hurry to insert the entire set of beads to the hilt. The toy can feel just as nice when used partway, or just the first couple of beads.
6.Take a breather. Even if you’re reeling from the pleasure of the beads, don’t hold your breath. It’s a common practice for folks to take shallow breaths-or forget to breathe completely-during sex, but deep breathing is essential to enjoying sex, especially of the anal persuasion. Breathing deeply draws much-needed oxygen through your body, which helps to relax your muscles even further.
7.Add to your pleasure. Try adding other kinds of stimulation at the same time. vibrators make it easy to send a good buzz to nipples, penis, testicles or perineum while you’re working on the butt.
8.Go for timing. With the beads inside you and your orgasm building, try to time their withdrawal with your climax.
9.Gently now. Pull the beads straight out, rather than tilting them up or down. Resist the urge to yank them out as if you were starting a lawnmower, but respect your body and gently pull them out.
With a little bit of practice, anal beads can become your new favorite toy box addition!
When it comes to buying your first anal plug, it’s important to consider the size that is right for you. The size of the plug can greatly impact your comfort and overall experience. Here are some factors to keep in mind
A strap-on harness is a versatile sex toy that allows individuals to engage in strap-on play. Whether you’re a beginner or an experienced user Here we provide some steps to help you use a strap-on harness. How to find the perfect fit for you. What materials you should consider and what system or attachment. Remember, practice makes perfect when it comes to using a strap-on harness. Take your time, explore different positions, and enjoy the experience with your partner. when you engaging in strap-on play, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about their desires, boundaries, and consent. Mutual communication and consent are essential for a pleasurable experience.
lube what lube for what occasion? there is ALWAYS time for lube!
Anal play For various reasons anal play or sex – yes, there is a difference -appeals to many people who are into the many forms of erotic power exchange, and Femdom/ BDSM. Although personal motivations may vary, the need for the submissive to actively cooperate as well as the fact that many people have a mental barrier here are the most common factors for this subject’s popularity. Anal play is certainly not without risks, so you should be very aware of what you are doing. When you understand and know how to minimize them, the risks are minimal.
P spot Milking – Locating and Milking the male P spot (includes Video
Key elements of a successful prostate massage I don’t profess to be the guru of p-spot stimulation, but I’d like to think that I’ve been pretty successful with it, so here’s what it is that I do.
Our bondage sex toys and clothing bring us so much joy. The better we care for them, the longer they’ll give us pleasure. The following are some techniques for you to keep your toys in tip top condition.
Table of Contents
The BDSM Femdom lifestyle has several objects and accessories that make it possible for people in the lifestyle to enhance their BDSM experience. There are some accessories that BDSM consists of, like a collar, whip, and restraints. These accessories are not cheap and you might have paid a considerable amount to buy them, depending on where you live and how available these objects are. It goes without saying that once you have bought these objects and accessories, you have to take care of them. Here are some important tips about BDSM accessories care.
Leather play warning NOTES
While leather articles and accessories are commonly used in the realms of BDSM, one should take into consideration several factors before using them on the submissive. There is a possibility that some people’s skin has an allergy to leather. This allergy can be harmless and just cause some discomfort to the individual, or even be serious enough to cause itches, rashes and other skin ailments.
For leather clothing and leather lingerie, it is recommended to look for manufacturers that no longer use nickel plating. Aside from the above mentioned problems, many people have a sensitivity or allergy to nickel which can cause painful irritations where it comes into contact with the skin.
Cleaning materials:
Saddle Soap:
Saddle Soap is a preparatory compound which contains mild soap and also some ingredients like neatsfoot oil, lanolin and glycerin. Saddle Soap also contains bee’s wax which protects leather. Therefore, Saddle Soap is used for cleaning, softening and conditioning leather. In fact, the name Saddle Soap is derived from its use to take care of horse tacks and saddles.
Mink Oil:
As the name suggests, Mink oil is made of the thick fatty layer that the minks have under their skin. Mink is a rich source of palmitoleic acid. This acid is physical properties that are similar to the sebum found in humans. Therefore, it is used in many cosmetic and medical products. This oil is used for preserving and treating oil.
Mink oil is known to increase the waterproofing capabilities of leather, as well as preserving leather and making it softer.
Cleaning Bondage Sex Toys
Most bondage sex toys can be cleaned with soap and warm water, although leather toys need additional cleansing and reconditioning so the leather doesn’t get ruined. Using a mixture of 70% rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide will disinfect and kill bacteria on leather, that soap and water may not get to. Soak the parts that came into contact with bodily fluids and let stand and few minutes. Rinse and let air dry thoroughly. Then use a leather conditioner to revitalize your toy. All sex toys should be cleaned periodically even if they don’t come into contact with bodily fluids. Even something as simple as blindfolds should be cleaned. Makeup and eye goop can get on it and that can be transferred to another person or infect the same person’s eye if there’s too much build up. Use common sense and keep your sex toys clean.
Sharing Bondage Sex Toys
If you’re sharing your sex toys with a few people and it comes into contact with bodily fluids, make sure it is cleaned and disinfected before it comes into contact with a new person. If you plan to play with more then more one person, you should have separate toys for each person. That’s the safest and label each toy to keep track of who’s who. Remember, this is all part of being a responsible sexually active adult.
Penetration Bondage Sex Toys
If you plan to insert any part of the sex toy (handle of whip or paddle, etc.) into your partner’s orifice, cover it with a condom.
Storage of Bondage Sex Toys
While preserving leather items, make sure that you do not store them in moist areas. Also you need to ensure that the leather items do not become wet. Before using water on tops of a leather item, like a leather whip, make sure that it is well protected and cleaned thoroughly afterwards. The leather items like whips, wrist and ankle restraints, etc should be kept in a cool and dry place. As is visible in several BDSM themed video and other art forms, it is a good idea to store the whip with the tails hanging down. This ensures that the tails of the whip do not become entangled while kept.
Keep each bondage sex toys stored separately. Don’t keep whips and chains together. The heavy chains can pull on some fabrics and ruin them. I find it best to keep all leather items together, all nylon items together, all metal items together, etc. It may sound like a pain, but the better you treat and store your toys, the longer they’ll last. I’ve also found that plastic locking bags, like ziploc, are a great way to keep bondage toys from mixing and tangling together.
Leather Clothing and Lingerie
The care of your leather clothing and leather lingerie is very important to keep it in like new peak play condition.
The most important thing to do is to follow the manufacturers care instructions.
Some other things that you can do are:
If your leather clothing or leather lingerie becomes wet, let it dry at room temperature.
If your leather clothing or leather lingerie becomes stained, gently blot liquid stains with a clean cloth.
It is a good idea to use a repellent product to condition your leather item.
Store your leather clothing or leather lingerie on a wide wooden, plastic or padded hanger to help maintain the shape
Do not store your leather clothing or leather lingerie in a hot or damp area.
Leather clothing and leather lingerie needs to be stored in a temperature controlled environment.
If you will be covering your leather when you are storing it; cover it with a breathable cloth like cotton sheets.
Do not cover your leather clothing or leather lingerie with plastic. The plastic will cause the leather to dry out.
Avoid exposing your leather to direct sunlight for prolonged periods of time.
All leather items can last for a lifetime if they are regularly maintained and treated well. Leather is skin and just as you would clean your own, you need to clean and nourish your leather to help retain its durability and texture.
Preservation:
Leather conditioners should be applied with a soft cloth to not only help in the cleaning process, but to also provide good water repellent properties, such as the mink oil mentioned above.
Cleaning:
Continual contact with moisture (sweat, rain, urine, alcohol, etc.,) can cause the leather to stiffen. Before you start cleaning the full surface of your leather item, test out the cleaner on a smaller, less visible area. Wait a few minutes. If you don’t notice any color distortion, proceed with the rest of the item.
When cleaning your leather NEVER use strong detergents such as laundry detergent. Always choose a product that helps preserve the leather’s natural lubricating oils rather than strip them away. Most cleaning products sold in department and shoe stores are safe. But, it never hurts to ask.
Warm soapy water, using baby shampoo or a similar soap, is the best cleaning solution for removing difficult or oily marks, stains or odors. Rub baby shampoo into the area of any oily stains before rinsing. Try to avoid cleaners that leave any sort of grease or residue. Residue can make leather vulnerable to bacteria, which will tarnish the leather and eventually break down the stitching. To remove the excess cleaner, use a slightly dampened cloth or a small brush around the stitching.
Make sure soap/shampoo is rinsed out thoroughly to avoid stiffening.
Leather should never be dried in front of a direct heat source as this damages the leather and also causes the hide to stiffen. Make sure to clean and treat your leather before it’s dry. Never use heat to dry leather (it should air-dry) and always stuff the garment while it’s drying, in order to make sure it maintains its shape.
When storing leather articles, don’t throw them to the bottom of the wardrobe, instead hang them up and make sure they are ventilated to prevent them from molding.
Get a Nubuck cloth; it’s a great leather care tool for cleaning and restoring your item to its original look.
Clean your leather goods as often as you need to and make sure they’re dust-free at all times.
Never use caustic household chemicals to clean your leather items.
Removing Stains and Smells
Sweat
When the leather becomes slightly stiffened or an itchy irritation occurs, this is usually a sign that sweat has permeated the leather. Washing in warm water with baby shampoo or fabric softener will help soften the leather and remove the irritation.
Odors
To remove odors, use a teaspoon of bicarbonate soda crystals in about 1 quart/liter of warm water and let the solution soak into the skin
Oils and Oil Based Lubricants
These can be difficult to remove. Use baby shampoo or a similar soap in a few tablespoons of water and rubbing slowly onto the spots can help their removal. Rinse thoroughly. As another alternative, most oil or grease stains can be lifted by grinding up blackboard chalk, sprinkling it onto the affected area, and leaving the powder on for one full day.
Wax
Place blotting paper or brown paper on the leather and then apply a cool/moderate iron to remove wax from leather. Keep applying the iron on clean blotting or brown paper, to the wax spot until the paper is no longer absorbing the wax.
Urine Stains
Uric acid found in urine is very damaging to leather. When leather has been in contact with urine, it should be washed out immediately after use with warm soapy water (baby shampoo). Leaving urine-stained items overnight can cause irreparable damage.
Blood Stains
Leather becomes stiff and odorous if blood is allowed to dry. If blood gets on your leather clothing or leather lingerie, hand wash immediately.
Hygiene
Germs can be killed by soaking leather clothes in 1 teaspoon bleach to 1 gallon of water for up to 1/2 hour. Rinse thoroughly and hand wash immediately after bleaching. Bleaching can damage leather so minimal use is necessary.
Removing Mold and Mildew
In case mildew builds up, mix one cup of rubbing alcohol with one cup of water. Dip a clean cloth in the solution and wipe the mildewed area. For more persistent mildew, use mild soap containing germicide and water. Wipe the excess soap with a clean cloth and let dry.
Metal Fittings
Most buckles, rivets, studs, snaps, rings, etc., are nickel plated steel with the exception of chain which is chrome plated steel and other metal fittings that are brass coated. If the fittings are not cleaned regularly or cleaned and dried after contact with moisture, rusting will occur. When cleaning leather with conditioner, applying the conditioner to the metal fittings will increase their longevity. Surface rust can be removed with chrome cleaner, Autosol, WD40 (nickel), or Brasso (brass). For leather clothing and leather lingerie, it is recommended to look for manufacturers that no longer use nickel plating. As above mentioned in Leather play warning notes, many people have a sensitivity or allergy to nickel which can cause painful irritations where it comes into contact with the skin.
Many bondage toys and leather clothing are expensive so make sure you treat them well. Many bondage, especially leather items can last you a lifetime. So if you care for your toy, clean it properly and store it safely, you’ll get a lot of mileage out it.
Vibrators do something no human body can. They move faster, more consistently, and for longer periods of time than any fingers ever could and by simply adding extra stimulation to sex play vibrators can be a wonderful addition to sex and Femdom play. As you read on about vibrators keep in mind that while they are wonderful things, But vibrators aren’t solutions to sexual problems you may be having with a partner, they are a tool and a toy.
People use vibrators externally, internally, or both. Vibrators for penetration may be safe for vaginal or anal penetration, but be sure you’re vibe is safe for anal use before using it that way.
Anyone can use a vibrator, they aren’t made for certain genders or certain kinds of bodies, they’re made for a function. If you’re new to vibrators below you’ll find answers to common questions about vibrators, tips on how to choose vibrators, vibrator safety tips, and how to use vibrators for male and females, with or with out a Femdom play partner.
History of the Vibrator
History of the Vibrator – Vibrators have come a long way from when the types of vibrating sex toys for women available were Classical Era contraptions involving carts driven over rough stone roads and crude planks swung back and forth to induce vibration and, hopefully, orgasm. The history of the vibrator reveals technology at work to reduce what was regarded as onerous manual labor for what was labeled female hysteria. Before long, both vibrators and hysteria faded from the American scene. When vibrators became prominent in stag films, they quickly disappeared from the home. Medicine advanced, any most of the symptoms associated with hysteria were identified as specific, discrete conditions and perception of women’s sensuality progressed in the public mind. Still, female hysteria brings about a whiff of strange nostalgia—with all the peculiar early treatments for female hysteria and bizarre vibrator prototypes that went along with it.
Why Use Vibrators?
Why Use Vibrators – There are as many reasons to use a vibrator as there are reasons to feel good. Some common reasons include:
Curiosity
Self-discovery
Spicing up a long-term sexual relationship
Help experiencing orgasms
Too reach the Female g spot when a partner can not
Extra stimulation with Femdom play
Just for fun
With Anal play
With prostrate milking
How to Use Vibrators for women, Men and couples
Vibrators may be the last consumer product group to come with absolutely no instructions or manuals from the manufacturers. At first blush you may think your vibrator doesn’t need a manual, but there are hundreds of different things to do with a vibrator, and if you’ve never used one a few pointers may be appreciated.
Beginners Guide to Vibrator use for men – On our ‘on site training entertainment program. A taste of Cyber, ‘it’s surprising the amount of subbies who have no idea I they could use a vibrator on themselves for play. They either thought vibrators only worked on women, or they weren’t for “guys like them.” Once most of these men gave vibrators a chance, they quickly became converts. Men in particular are offered a narrow set of sexual options, and vibrators can help expand those options and discover pleasure and orgasms you didn’t even know were in you. If you’re curious, on the link above there are some tips for men on how to use a vibrator, alone, or with a partner.
»»Vibrators aren’t made for a certain kind of person, vibes are for anyone interested in discovering new ways to feel sexual pleasure. MissBonnie
Beginners Guide to Vibrator use for women – Few if any vibrators come with instruction manuals. On the one hand, you might think that no manual is necessary – after all shouldn’t you know how to use a vibrator? But if you’ve never used one, how exactly are you supposed to know how? Most people do manage to stumble their way to pleasure with a vibrator, but if you’re looking for a few helpful hints here is a beginner’s guide for women on how to use a vibrator alone or with a partner.
Choosing the right Vibrator for the occasion
Choosing the right Vibrator for the occasion – Shopping for your first vibrator can be a daunting experience. There are dozens of different styles and thousands of different products, and few stores offer guidance on where to start. Differences in vibrator material, price and quality, and function account for most of the variation. We have put together for you a visual guide to vibrators and there individual uses.
Which are the Best Vibrators?-Vibe Guide
Which are the Best Vibrators – Finding the vibrator that’s right for you depends on answering some basic questions, including:
What do you want to use the vibrator for?
What’s the best material for your vibrator to be made from?
What is your budget?
What do you want your vibrator to look like?
Is quality more important than cost?
Vibrators do differ wildly in terms of quality, but you should be able to find a vibrator in your price range that can be used safely. Our guide can help with these issues
Sex toys made of rub (soft skin), silicone and plastic must be washed in the same way, but these materials require more delicacy. Dry them in the open air, rather than with a towel. Silicone is the easiest to clean. Silicone is resistant to heat. You can clean them in different ways : one way is to boil your toys for 2 to 3 minutes in plain water. -If you have a dishwasher, you can wash silicone toys in there also. Warm water and a soft soap will also do the trick (do not use corrosive soaps, use gentle soaps.) To make cleaning of sex toys which are supposed to be inserted inside the body (dildos, vibrators, plugs) easier put the condom on these devices every time you use them. Never talc devices made of soft synthetic materials. (talc powder has been linked to cervical cancer).
these toys are less resistant than silicone toys, we recommend: Warm Water and a soft soap (Do NOT boil ! or use HOT water)
Materials
Just as vibrators come in different shapes and sizes, they are also made from all kinds of materials. Vibrators can be hard-shelled—made of Pyrex, plastic, gold or aluminum. Lots of vibrators are soft, bendable and flexible; it’s more likely that these were constructed of silicone, rubber, latex, jelly, a jelly/silicone blend or Cyberskin (a material that mimic the feel of real skin). In the following links, we’ll discuss the possible advantages and disadvantages of each type of material. We hope this information helps you make an informed and pleasing decision.
Remember that your vibrator is an electronic pleasure item. Just like other electronics, name brands and more expensive items generally perform better and last longer than cheaper products. A cheaper vibrator will serve you well, but may break sooner than a similar, more expensive item.
Sizes and Sizing
Just as vibrators come in different shapes, all kinds of materials. Vibrators also come in various sizes but how do know just what size. In the following link, we’ll discuss sizing issues. We hope this information helps you make an informed and pleasing decision.
Maybe you’re planning a romantic weekend, or perhaps you’re going on a long business trip. Either way, if you’re flying, you’ll want to make sure you pack your sex toys well to avoid embarrassing situations.
How Many People Use Vibrators?
How Many People Use Vibrators – People of every age, socio-economic class, race, gender, sexual identity, and political and religious affiliation use vibrators. That said, not everyone uses them, and they aren’t “required” for a great sex life. The point is that everyone has (or should have, depending on the state you live in) the right to sexual choice and experimentation, which for many people includes using vibrators.
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information
Vibrators often allow people to achieve orgasm rapidly and with relative ease as compared to other methods. In addition, vibrators are reported[ to provide stronger orgasms than those produced by manual stimulation alone. They are often recommended by sex therapists for women who have difficulty reaching orgasm by other means. Couples also use them sometimes as an enhancement to the pleasure of one or both partners.
Some vibrators are marketed as “body massager’s” — although they still may be used, like the ones sold as adult sex toys, for autoeroticism. Some vibrators run on batteries while others have a power cord that plugs in to a wall socket. There is also a vibrator that uses the flow of air from a vacuum cleaner to stimulate the clitoris.
There is a lot of pressure to be sexual in the “right” way, and some people feel like they should use a vibrator. The fact is that you can have an incredible sex life without vibrators or sex toys at all. That said, using vibrators is a completely healthy (and potentially pleasure inducing) way to explore your sexuality.
There are as many reasons to use a vibrator as there are reasons to feel good.
Here are some of the most common reasons people play with vibrators:
Curiosity: Sexual curiosity is healthy; wanting to try a vibrator is reason enough to try one.
Self-discovery: Particularly for those of us who have never been given the opportunity or permission to explore being sexual, vibrators can be a great way to explore your body. When using a vibrator by yourself you can start exploring yourself, your sensations (both physical and emotional) and reactions in a relatively safe environment.
To “spice up” a long term sexual relationship:Vibrators can shake things up (literally and figuratively) in a long term relationship if sex has become routine or exploration has fizzled out.
To experience orgasm for the first time: For many people, especially women, who never or rarely experience orgasm, vibration can be the fastest and easiest way to discover their orgasmic potential.
For extra stimulation that you can’t add on your own: Many people aren’t able to stimulate themselves the way they want to.
Chronic ‘bad styled’ pain: disability, and fatigue don’t stop you from feeling pleasure, but vibrators can sometimes make it easier to get there.
For fun: For the most part the reason we all use, or consider using, vibrators is the same: because it’s pleasurable. Pleasure, however you define it, is pretty close to a universal desire
Pressure: This is NOT a good reason to use toys, but it’s why some people do.
Variety is the spice of sex: Many women who enjoy other forms of sexual contact–and are orgasmic in other ways–still enjoy the special sensations vibrators provide. It’s like ice cream flavors. Why limit yourself to a few when there are more to try?
Difficulty with arousal and orgasm: Most men become sexually aroused fairly easily, and according to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, about one-third of men ejaculate before they would like to. So men often have trouble understanding that many women find it difficult to become sexually aroused and achieve orgasm. Men need to understand that it’s NORMAL for women to experience sex in this way. Many women feel bad that they take “too long” to get turned on enough to achieve orgasm. They fear that the man will get bored or tired or disgusted. For these women, vibrators eliminate guilt about the time it takes them to feel turned on and come.
Can’t come without it: For some women, no amount of direct clitoral stimulation by hand or tongue can trigger orgasm. The only thing that does it is the intense stimulation a vibrator provides. Women in this situation typically feel inadequate, like something is wrong with them. Some women in this situation have histories of sexual abuse or emotional problems that might account for their inability to come without a vibrator. But for many others, there is no discernible cause. That’s just the way they are. They might be wonderful women in every other way. They just need a vibrator to come. That’s fine. It’s normal. The situation is similar to those who need glasses. Usually it’s not clear why their eyesight weakens. It just does. Fortunately, we have glasses for them–and vibrators for women who need them.
»»Whether your partner is well meaning or not, if you’re being pressured to try using a vibrator it won’t work, and it shows a lack of respect of your boundaries. Vibrators are ultimately about feeling pleasure, and you can’t force someone to experience pleasure, because experiencing pleasure is in some ways an expression of free will. Everyone has the right to say no to using a vibrator, just as we all have the right to say no to any kind of sex play at any time. MissBonnie
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information.
There are a lot of vibrators that are made as a novelty and break easily so it is important to choose wisely, selecting from a reputable store with high quality products.
The most important thing when buying a vibrator online is knowing the SIZE. Please refer to the measurements supplied by the retailer they have outlined by each of the products so that you do not get something that is too big or small. If the retailer doesn’t list sizes, or can’t supply them we suggest you move on to another retailer that can. Not being able to inform you of size ‘suggests’ a company with bad business ethics, and lack of product knowledge. There are many, many more reputable companies.
Determining Size
Sometimes it is hard to gage what is the best size. I remember ordering my first dildo online and then getting one that was supposed to be “realistic” and ended up thinking that King Kong himself would be envious when I saw how big it actually was!
TomCat
May I suggest using a simple test of finger width or vegetable testing before deciding on a width or length. Using your fingers or a vegetable like a carrot or cucumber may help you decide what width and length to get. You should certainly wash or cover with a condom anything you insert in any orifice of your body prior and then take some time to determine what will bring you the most pleasure. You can also have a partner assist in either exercise for a fun sexual adventure!
Diameter Vs. Circumference
Also, remember the difference between circumference and diameter when assessing how large your sex toy is going to be.
Many, many thank yous to Cle-Andria for her help with images, allowing us to destroy her shop shelves in the name of kink, and her wealth of information.
Silicone. It’s not exactly what you might think of as a sensual or erotic material. Silicone sex toys, however, are the new wave in personal pleasure; in fact, most purveyors of fine adult products suggest using nothing but silicone. Traditionally, toys have been made out of plastic, wood, jelly (latex), rubber and leather (not to mention the widespread but unofficial use of housewares and produce). Making silicone toys is a time-consuming endeavor, and the material itself is of a very high quality. These two issues make for a relatively expensive end product. Silicone toys are usually equipped with higher-end motors and other internal components, so you get better quality for your higher price.
So why silicone? It absorbs body heat and retains this warmth for a relatively long time, making for a more natural and comfortable feel. It’s also flexible yet firm, giving it a much more pleasing texture than the hard feel of most plastic toys. Silicone is non-porous and therefore does not absorb odors and bacteria; this also means that a little lube goes a long way. This is the best material for toys that you’re going to share, as silicone can also be boiled for up to six minutes to kill any nasty bacteria hanging around on the surface. Just try boiling that cheap plastic thing you got five years ago and see what happens.
Silicone toys are generally hand-crafted, and come in an interesting array of colors, shapes and sizes. This is one area of the sex toy trade dominated by women, which has resulted in woman-friendly design. This has meant, in part, a move away from “realistic” dildos and vibrators. For instance, one of the most popular models on the market is a smiling dolphin available in a rainbow of colors including violet and yellow. More and more women are purchasing their own toys and choosing to please themselves with designs built for clitoral stimulation as opposed to traditional and all-too-often ho hum penetrative stimulation. Considering that a woman’s most sensitive area is the clitoris and, for those who skipped sex ed, the clitoris is not inside the vagina but rather sits at the top of the vulva, penetration is not necessarily where it’s at.
So next time you’re out scouting for a little something to light up your nights, skip the hard plastic bargain-basement jobby and treat yourself to some real quality.
Article Shelley Taylor This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License . A version of this article also appeared in Brink magazine (June 1, 1998).
